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The sun was just above the horizon, burning red in the sky streaked with fiery colored clouds and bringing some of the afternoon's harsh summer heat with it. There was still plenty of time before it got too dark, and Cole and the Finders were having enough luck avoiding the Hoarder, so they decided to take advantage of the cooler evening temperatures and scavenge for anything salvageable among the new mountains of junk.
Cole fondly watched Fritz and Spitz dig around through one of the piles before turning his attention to the mounds before him. There was a cracked panel of what used to be a stained glass window lying at his feet. Cole held it up to the sun, casting a kaleidoscope of rainbow light onto the ground.
‘Geo's gonna love this,’ he thought, smiling as he pictured Geo's delighted reaction to the glass. The thought of Geo's bright smile and excited ramblings about art brought him comfort. Cole still missed the other ninja dearly, finding himself worrying over their unknown fates after the Merge more often than not, but he finally started to feel at home in the Land of Lost Things. The Finders made a wonderful addition to Cole's family.
As Cole and the kids kept scavenging, a glint of metal caught Cole's eye, sparkling in his peripheral vision. It was shinier than things here usually were, newer. It was small, that much Cole could tell, nearly losing sight of it when he turned his head to look for it. He got down onto his knees and carefully scanned the junk. It was lodged in a crevice just barely catching the sunlight. Cole reached into it and pulled out something familiar. His heart sank to his stomach, the sight of the small object making his ears ring and his blood run cold.
It was Jay's half of the Yin-Yang medallion that he gave to Nya. The golden piece felt heavy in his hand despite its size, a testament to its quality. Cole turned it to look at the edges, his pulse thrumming in his ears. The outer edge was engraved with a delicate pattern of intertwining lightning bolts and waves. There was no doubt about it. This was Jay's handiwork.
But why was Jay's Yin medallion of all things in the Land of Lost Things? It couldn't have fallen off him in the Merge, Jay would've made sure to cut out that possibility a long time ago. There was no way that something happened with Jay and Nya's relationship either, having stayed strong for years and only getting stronger, and there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that Jay could've just forgotten such a huge promise to the person he loved the most.
Suddenly Cole was thirteen again, holding his mom's hand under harsh fluorescent lights and trying to quell the sting behind his eyes, squeezing like he could tether her soul to the earth with his own two hands for just a bit longer, just long enough to find some miracle cure that would keep their family together.
A small hand pulled him out of the hospital room by his shoulder and threw him back into the Land of Lost Things. Cole was greeted by two pairs of wide, worried eyes.
“Cole…? Are you okay?” Fritz asked, gently patting his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. Spitz followed his brother's lead, his little hand coming up to rest on Cole's head.
“Uh- y-yeah.. yeah, I'm fine. I… I must've zoned out for a sec…” he said, trying to keep his voice level so as to not worry the kids even more. He suppressed a shiver as he carefully tucked the medallion into his pocket. The boys glanced at each other, not looking too convinced.
“It'sss time to meet up with Geo and Bonzle,” Spitz said.
Cole looked to the darkening sky, mentally kicking himself for getting so distracted. He was lucky the kids didn't get hurt or run into the Hoarder while he was frozen in panic.
“You're right… let's go before it gets too dark,” he said, pushing himself up to his feet and patting the boys’ heads. “Did you find anything cool?”
That question seemed to dispel some of Fritz and Spitz's worries, the two following at his sides and going into a ramble about the items they found together as the three tugged their makeshift cart along. Their excited voices almost made Cole forget the cold weight of the Yin medallion in his pocket. If only it were that easy.
~
Cole thought he was hiding it well, but Geo always had a way of knowing when Cole wasn't himself. He didn't know whether to be relieved by that or not. The tips of Geo's ears drooped slightly the second he laid eyes on Cole, though his warm smile still remained on his face as to not worry the kids. Geo's amber eyes searched his face for answers as he gave Cole's hand a gentle squeeze, silently asking him what was wrong. Cole only replied with a half-hearted smile and a squeeze in return.
‘Later,’ they said. ‘Not in front of the kids.’
Geo just pressed a chaste kiss to Cole's lips in return, the light pressure sending a gentle warmth through his ribs. It took every bit of willpower for Cole not to collapse into it and let himself break right then and there.
Dinner was a blur. Cole couldn't remember eating much at all, the medallion in his pocket pushing him closer to the edge of panic the longer it remained in there, feeling heavier by the minute. The kids talking to him or Geo squeezing his hand under the table only did so much to tamp down the anxiety creeping across his insides. The rest of the night was similarly fuzzy around the edges, moving as agonizingly slow as cold honey. Geo took note of his worsening state and insisted on putting the kids to bed himself, not wanting his partner to strain himself any longer. First Master, Geo was too kind to him.
Cole curled up on his side of the mattress, holding the Yin medallion in the lamplight and staring into the lacquered metal like he was witnessing a horrible car crash over and over in the palm of his hand. It was already hard enough to push down the swelling nausea that went hand in hand with his anxiety when he had a task or conversation to keep his feet on the ground, but now, in bed, alone and away from prying eyes, it was becoming nearly impossible. The door creaked open as Geo stepped into the room. Finally, something new to focus on. Geo sighed as the door clicked shut behind him, and Cole sat up to look at him. Geo's eyes softened, going over to sit by Cole on the bed. He gently took Cole's calloused hands into his own, forming a protective cocoon around the medallion. Cole felt his chest seize, as if Geo had reached into his chest and grabbed his heart in a vice grip.
“How are you feeling?” Geo started, his thumbs tracing little circles into the back of Cole's hands. Cole's fingers gripped tighter, his palm painfully digging into the engraved edge of the medallion.
“I've been better,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. His throat felt like it was being crushed, the sensation like an old friend he'd long lost touch with. Geo frowned and carefully brushed some of Cole's hair from his face.
“What happened…?”
Cole felt himself shrink under the weight of those words. Closing himself off wouldn't help. He learned that much the hard way. He'd grown to be more open about his feelings over the years, but this was a level of vulnerability he wasn't used to, always having run away from his grief or pushing it down until it calcified into something he could kick to the back of his mind and ignore until he was alone. There was still a small, juvenile part of his mind that was convinced saying something would speak his fears into existence, make them tangible and sharp enough to draw blood. Geo didn't rush him. He quietly ghosted his fingertips over Cole's hands, tracing over one of the many scars he'd collected over the years. The gentle touch eventually opened up Cole's own hands, letting Geo see the medallion. Geo looked at it curiously before returning his gaze to Cole. He still didn't say anything, letting Cole have the first word. Cole took in a slow, shaky breath.
“I found this today. It's-” he started, immediately freezing in his tracks when his voice caught against the lump in his throat. He took another deep breath, like swallowing glass. “It's Jay's.”
At that, Geo's eyebrows pinched together, an even greater worry taking over his expression. He'd been there when Cole was homesick and missing the other ninja, telling him stories about them and all of their adventures together before the Merge had separated them all. Cole told him so much about the ninja that it was almost as if Geo knew them too. Geo nodded, telling him to continue.
“He gave… g-gave the other half to Nya when he proposed,” he said, trying to keep his voice level. “When he asked her to be his Yang.”
“That's a big promise, isn't it?” Geo asked softly. Cole nodded.
“Probably the biggest one you can make in Ninjago. He wouldn't just… he wouldn't just forget about something like this, Geo. Not Jay. Not when it comes to Nya,” he continued, feeling his chest cavity start to close up. He could feel his breaths become more shallow with every inhale. Cole squeezed Geo's hands again so they wouldn't shake. “H-he'd never…”
“Cole… what're you saying…?” Geo asked, his voice barely a whisper, as if fearing the answer himself.
“Geo, w-what if Jay's dead?” Cole choked out, feeling the temperature drop when he finally spoke his fear out loud. Jay was dead. There was no other possibility, not one that Cole could think of at the moment, not one that would make much more sense. Not when his face felt so hot and his joints so weak, not when his body was caught between thirteen and twenty three, a maddening flicker between warm lamplight and cold fluorescents.
“Oh, Cole…”
Geo let go of his hands and brought Cole into his arms, one hand tucking Cole's head to his shoulder and the other pressed in between his shoulder blades. Only when his face made contact with damp fabric did Cole realize that he'd started crying. He bit down hard on his lower lip, desperately trying to will the lump in his throat out of existence. Geo's hand started to move in slow circles over his back, which was trembling from the strain of Cole choking back sobs.
“It's just us, Cole,” Geo whispered, his warm voice brushing against his ear. “I've got you. It's okay.”
Cole clung to Geo's shirt with his free hand and finally let himself break, a sob tearing through his chest after he gave up on trying to keep himself together. He buried his face into the crook of Geo's neck, soaking his violet skin with his tears. Geo didn't waver, holding him securely as he shattered.
“I can't- G-Geo I can't- not again,” he murmured, his voice fractured by quick, irregular breaths.
“I know…” Geo said softly, his chin resting on the top of Cole's head. “I know… Let it all out.”
Cole clung to Geo like a lifeline as he wept, and Geo soothed him through it all, rubbing circles into his back and patiently listening to Cole's incoherent babbling. Geo's chest slowly rose and fell, keeping his breathing even and calm. Cole eventually caught on to what he was trying to do, and took in a long, stuttery breath, stopping just short of Geo's rhythm with a harsh sob. Geo just pressed a kiss to the top of his head, encouraging him to keep trying. After what felt like weeks of trying to scrape any air into his aching lungs, Cole was finally able to match his partner's breathing pattern. The two breathed together, long and slow, as Cole's eyes finally ran dry.
Geo held him in silence for a while, just continuing to rub his back. Cole's limbs felt tingly and numb all at once, like his body had redirected all of its energy into expelling his intense emotions over making sure the rest of him was still functional. His head pulsed from dehydration and his eyes stung, dry and itchy. Cole wiped his face with his sleeves, embarrassment sinking through his chest like a hot coal through ice. Crying was so annoying.
Cole felt Geo's fingertips brush against his cheek, hesitant and light. Cole leaned into his hand and looked up at him briefly, before quickly dropping his gaze. First Master, he probably looked like an absolute mess.
“Look at me… please?” Geo whispered, planting a kiss into Cole's forehead. Cole sniffled and looked back at Geo, who smiled warmly at the sight of him and wiped away the last of his tears with his thumbs. Cole held Geo's hand to his face with his now free hand, kissing his palm and basking in its warmth like it was the only thing keeping him alive.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Geo asked. Cole immediately shook his head. His fingers ran along the engraved edge of the medallion, still gripped in his hand.
“Not now… I.. I don't think-” Cole replied, wincing at how rough he sounded. “Tomorrow…?”
“Tomorrow,” Geo agreed, pulling him close to his chest again. Cole could feel Geo's heartbeat, strong and steady. Geo took a breath before speaking.
“You know… there's no way of knowing what happened,” he started. Cole felt himself tense up. “We don't know why that ended up here. I know it's scary for you, especially after losing so much. But you aren't alone, Cole. We're your family too. Whatever happens, you don't have to deal with it alone, not again.”
If that made Cole's lower lip start trembling again, he didn't admit it, and Geo didn't point it out either. Cole just buried his face into Geo's chest, sniffling and resuming his deep breathing to keep from breaking down again.
Geo slowly pulled Cole down with him to the mattress, shifting himself so that Cole was laying on top of him with his head in Geo's now soaked chest, their legs intertwined under the blankets. Geo's arms were still securely wrapped around Cole, enveloping him in warmth.
“Thank you…” Cole murmured, holding Geo's arm. “I don't know what I'd do without you. S-seriously.”
Geo gently kissed Cole's head again, running his hands along his nape.
“You don't have to thank me,” Geo replied softly, tracing circles on Cole's back with his fingertips. He melted under the touch, subconsciously tracing the blue patterns on Geo's skin and feeling like he was sinking. The thought of Jay's nebulous fate was still a thorn buried deep in his flesh, but it didn't feel so overwhelmingly bleak cradled in Geo's arms. Jay's tough. He's survived before, and Cole could only hope he'd survived yet again. Cole felt himself rise and fall along with Geo's breathing, the movement like gentle waves on a calm sea. The gold in his hand faded as his eyelids slid shut, and his mind finally stood still.