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Winter and Rabbitsworth

Summary:

Nick and Judy go undercover at a charity dinner. Shenanigans ensue.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Winter and Rabbitsworth cover art, by VoleitorArt by Voleitor


“Good evening. May I have your names, please?”

The white fox folded his paws behind his back and stood tall. “Winter. Cornelius Winter.” He stretched his arm out and rested it affectionately on the shoulders of the black bunny standing beside him. “And this is my date for the evening, Chrysanthemum Rabbitsworth.”

The bunny pressed a paw up to her muzzle and let out a small chuckle. “Oh, you say my name with such class, Cornelius.” She lowered her paw and looked back at the receptionist, addressing him with her airy Southern drawl. “It might be under the name ‘Chrissie’.”

The polar bear standing in front of them scrolled down the list currently displayed on his smart tablet, then nodded firmly once he found their names. “Very good. Everything seems to be in order.” He tucked the tablet under one arm and gestured to the doorway with the other. “Right this way. Please follow me.”

The fox took a step to the side, stretched out his paw towards the bunny, and bowed slightly. “Shall we, madam?”

The rabbit took a second to gather up the drapes of her beautiful red dress and hold them with one paw, before placing her other inside of his. “Why, thank you, sir.”

The bear professionally waited for the two mammals to finish their preparations, then led them straight through the doorway and into the interior corridor. He would not usually do this for most guests. Most of the time, he simply gave verbal directions to the ballroom. Occasionally, he would escort the most distinguished guests himself, directly to the proper destination.

But not these guests. These guests were different.

The first chance he got, he led them out of the corridor and into one of the empty rooms that were currently not in use. As soon as they were inside, he closed the door behind them and adopted a slightly less professional tone of voice. “I was beginning to wonder when you two would get here.”

The bunny gave him an apologetic smile, and when she spoke, her accent completely disappeared. “Sorry. It turns out, dyeing red fur white takes a bit longer than we had anticipated.”

The fox rolled his eyes dramatically. “You say that like this was all my fault. You took an extra hour to get into that dress, you know.” He glanced up and down the length of the bunny’s evening gown, and a slight smile crossed his face. “Although, I’ve got to admit, it was worth it.”

“Worth it, indeed.” The bunny locked eyes with the fox and playfully smiled at him. “Look at you, I can hardly even recognize you, and I was there when they dyed your fur!”

“And they certainly nailed your fur job as well,” the fox agreed. A smirk crossed his face. “But if you think you’re going to fool anyone with that ridiculous accent of yours—”

The bear aggressively cleared his throat, putting their banter to an abrupt stop. Once he was sure he had their undivided attention, his face grew serious. “Everyone is here.”

The bunny raised an eyebrow. “Everyone?”

“Are you sure?” the fox asked.

The bear nodded. “You two were the last to arrive. All the other key suspects are inside, eating and dancing away like there’s no tomorrow.”

The fox smiled in satisfaction. “I guess that means this job will be over a lot quicker than we had planned.”

“Oh, no you don’t!” The bunny turned to her partner and pouted. “After spending all day dyeing my fur and getting into this pretty dress? I am going to enjoy this ball as long as I possibly can!”

The fox rolled his eyes. “Need I remind you, Carrots, this so-called ‘ball’ is really a money laundering scheme? We’re here to ruin everybody’s night, not to enjoy ourselves.”

“Hey, you sure seemed to enjoy yourself last month when we raided that catnip lab.”

“Oh, you’re going to bring that up?”

“Yes, I am. If you could enjoy the end results of that job for three and a half days, I should be allowed to enjoy this job for just this evening.”

“It was for two and a half days, thank you very much, and I don’t recall hearing any complaints from you about what all that catnip did to me.”

“That’s because I had no complaints. Remember?”

Nick blinked. “Oh, yeah.” His eyes glazed over slightly. “Yeah, I remember…” After a second or two, he shook his head to bring his mind back to the present, then gave her a solid nod. “Okay, fair is fair. No complaints from me, either.”

Judy grinned. “Thank you.” She turned back to the polar bear, her expression once again turning serious. “But just in case things go south, where are our guns?”

“Under the buffet table, between the fruit punch and the potato salad. But I don’t think it will come to that. We have searched all attendees for weapons. The house is clean as a whistle.”

“Believe me, there’s nothing clean about Steve Hoppkins’ whistle.” Judy made a face as she finished her sentence, rubbing her tongue between her teeth to try and rid herself of the awful taste his name left in her mouth. 

“Ouch. All this time later and it still hurts, huh?” Nick patted her shoulder, trying in vain to console her. “Would it help you feel better if we got out there and found you a macaroni casserole?”

Judy’s ears shot straight up, and the faint sound of her stomach growling provided the answer for her. She looked up at the fox and smiled. “Only if you promise I can arrest that slimeball myself.”

“I practically insist.” Nick looked at the bear and gave him a firm nod. “Lead the way, chief.”

Just before the bear turned around to do just that, Judy caught his attention. “Oh, and by the way.” She paused for a second, thinking through her words carefully before finishing, “Please thank Mr. Big for the tip-off, in case we don’t make it.”

The bear gave her the smallest of smiles. “Officer Hopps, I do not think he would appreciate hearing that Zootopia’s best cops have died on his behalf, do you?” A single chuckle sounded from his throat. “Least of all from me.”

“Good point.” Nick elbowed Judy playfully. “We’ll just have to tell him that we died ourselves.” He once again offered her his paw and adopted his sophisticated accent from earlier. “Now, Ms. Rabbitsworth, I do believe there is a fancy dinner in the other room with your name all over it.”

Judy gently took his paw and stifled a giggle when he pulled it up to his lips and kissed it. “Oh, I could just eat you up right here and now, Mr. Winter,” she replied in her airy Southern drawl.

“Aw, go on.” Nick dropped his accent momentarily. “Seriously, go on.”

Judy ignored him and turned back to the bear. “To the ballroom, kind sir! We mustn’t keep the other guests waiting!” 

The bear immediately opened the door back up and led them back into the hallway. After a short walk, he came to a stop beside a much larger, much more extravagant door, which he stood beside and opened up for the two of them. “Sir, madam, welcome.”

Judy and Nick stopped in the doorway and stared in awe at the sight in front of them. To call the ballroom “huge” would be an understatement; both of them could swear they had seen convention centers that were smaller than this. Countless chandeliers and fixtures hung from the ceiling dozens of feet above, evenly spaced out around the room in all directions. Several skylights were strategically set in certain sections of the ceiling to let in natural sunlight during the day, or bathe the room in pale moonlight on nights such as this one. Large windows lined the walls, providing beautiful views of the gardens just outside the venue. The far wall had a stage, currently occupied by a full orchestra playing some soft music that filled the room and entertained all the guests.

The guests themselves were all over the place. Many of them sat at their tables, eating their dinners and making conversation with their friends and newfound acquaintances. Several guests were at the buffet table, filling their plates and bowls with all kinds of food that overwhelmed the two undercover officers’ sense of smell even from far away. A few couples were in a sectioned-off area close to the stage, slowly dancing away to the rhythm of the music. One or two couples were visible through the windows, walking through the gardens outside. Finally, a few rhinos were stationed along the edges of the room, wearing matching uniforms and dark sunglasses—an indication to all others present that they were here to make sure nothing would go wrong.

The two officers, however, knew better. Nick squeezed Judy’s paw tightly and looked down at her, a sly smile on his face. “It’s never too late to back out if this seems too scary for a precious little bunny like you,” he whispered with his normal voice.

Judy was already walking into room before he finished his sentence, nearly dragging him behind her. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want some macaroni casserole!” she whispered back.

The buffet table was close enough that it only took a few seconds to walk over. As soon as she was able, Judy let go of Nick’s paw and grabbed the biggest empty plate available, then went down the table and rapidly picked a variety of food options to fill her plate nearly to its maximum capacity. The macaroni casserole, naturally, took up more than half of her plate all on its own.

Nick contented himself with a smaller plate size, and was much more selective with the food that he picked from the table. “You know, it isn’t very ladylike to eat so much food in one sitting,” he quietly taunted.

Judy responded by grabbing a spoonful of black-eyed peas and slapping it loudly onto her plate. “It’s for charity!” she replied, once again adopting her Southern accent. “All of this is going to a good cause, I assure you, Mr. Winter!”

“What good cause? Your empty stomach?”

“Right now, I can think of no better cause than that.” Judy grabbed a dinner roll and placed it on the last remaining empty spot on her plate, then shot a smile at Nick and started to turn around. “And with that, I think it’s time for me to find us a place to sit so we can partake in…” Her eyes widened, and she dropped her accent as her voice grew quiet. “Oh, crumbs.” 

Nick followed her gaze, and his expression grew dark when he saw what had ruined her mood. “Of all the people…”

A weasel was walking straight up to them, wearing a painfully green jacket and a hat that he was busy adjusting with his paws. He flashed all of his teeth at the two of them, and his scratchy voice nearly ruined both of their appetites as soon as he spoke up. “Why hello, my fellow snack bar aficionados! What a pleasant evening this is, ain’t it?”

“Well, it used to be,” Judy groaned under her breath.

“Yeah, me too!” The weasel slinked between the two of them, picked up a knife, and lifted a slice of lasagna high into the air. He drooled as his eyes took in the sight. “Ah, come to papa, you beautiful squid.”

Judy glanced down at her plate full of food and contemplated throwing it all immediately in the trash. However, her stomach growled again, and she ultimately decided to keep hold it—for now, at least. She quietly cleared her throat, once again adopted her Southern accent, and gently tapped the weasel on the shoulder. “Erm, excuse me, kind gentlemammal, but I do believe that lasagna is vegetable, not squid.”

“Veggies, squid, what’s the difference when you’re in love?” The weasel dramatically lifted his food high above his head, opened his mouth wide, and allowed gravity to drop the slice of lasagna straight between his teeth. He closed his mouth and began chewing vigorously, an ungodly moan sounding from the depths of his throat as he enjoyed his tasty treat.

The other two looked at each other, neither of them bothering to hide their disgust. Nick looked down at his meager plate, currently holding a dinner roll and a side of mixed vegetables, and decided that he had enough food. “Well, it was nice meeting you, mister…”

The weasel stuck out his tongue, spun it in a circle around his lips, and swallowed one last time with a loud pop. “Weaselton. Duke Weaselton.” He turned to the two of them, pressed his arm flat against his stomach, and bowed so low the coattails of his jacket flipped up to his shoulders. 

“Ah. Mr. Weaselton, yes, quite so, indubitably.” Judy gripped the hem of her dress and started to walk away as she spoke. “I do believe our dear friend Mr. Hoppkins is waiting for us at our table, and we simply must—” 

“Hoppkins?” Weaselton straightened back up so fast, he had to grip his hat with one paw to keep it from flying off his head. “Steve Hoppkins?”

Nick blinked. “You know him?”

“Oh yeah, I know the guy, all right.” A scowl fell over the weasel’s face as his tone grew dark. “That good-for-nothing rabbit promised me a role in his new film. He said I was, and I quote, ‘the most authentic-looking weasel he’d ever laid eyes on’. All I needed to do was give him a few hundred bucks to book me an agent in Hollywool.” He let out a growl. “That overweight jackalope took the money and ran!”

Judy had to fight off a flinch from hearing the speciesist slang, then managed to feign a look of empathy. “Oh, poor Mr. Weaselton. I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you.”

“Most unfortunate,” Nick concurred. “I know many an animal whom Mr. Hoppkins was unkind to in years past.”

“No, this was fifteen minutes ago.” Weaselton pointed at one of the windows that led to the outside garden. “He ran out that way right when I realized what was going on. He’s gone, long gone.”

Judy’s breath caught in her throat. “He’s…gone?”

Long gone?” Nick repeated.

“Yeah. Like my father on my eighth birthday.” Weaselton continued staring at the window, letting out a long, aggravated sigh. “If I ever see him again, I am going to do such unspeakable things to him to get back for hurting me the way he did.”

“Your father?” 

“No, Hoppkins!” Weaselton turned to Nick and jabbed a finger into the fox’s tuxedo. “And don’t you dare try and stop me. I’ve got enough problems dealing with a fox and bunny as it is. Knowing my luck, they’ll probably hear about all of this and side with Hoppkins!”

“Never in a million years,” Judy murmured in her normal voice.

Weaselton nodded in her direction. “Yeah, I’ve got to think about that, too. Well, anyway, it was a pleasure meeting both of ya’s. I’ve got some scheming to do.” With that, he tipped his hat at the two of them and walked away. 

Nick and Judy stared after him for several seconds, neither of them quite sure what to make of the exchange. Finally, Judy turned to Nick and once again put on her fake accent. “Such a… pleasant fellow, isn’t it?” 

Pleasant is… certainly a word, Ms. Rabbitsworth.” Nick allowed a disappointed sigh to escape his lips. “I guess this means we won’t be able to catch Hoppkins red-pawed tonight after all, huh?’
“It sure looks that way.” Judy once again looked down at her plate of food and studied it for a moment, a look of internal conflict on her face. “Well. Since we’re here, may as well, right?”

Nick’s lips curled upwards into a small smile. “May as well,” he agreed. He lifted his own plate and pointed it in the direction of one of the nearby tables. “Shall we, Ms. Rabbitsworth?”

Judy politely smiled back, then followed him to the table. Like most of the others in the ballroom, it was the appropriate height for medium-sized mammals such as themselves. Four other animals were already seated there: a male donkey, a sheep ewe, and an otter couple. All four of them were dressed in outfits that were clearly meant to flaunt their wealth, and the two females were covered nearly head to tail in jewelry on top of that. For a moment, Judy and Nick nearly felt like peasants in comparison, even with their exquisite fancy outfits they were currently wearing.

The donkey gave a polite wave as they approached the table. “Greetings, friends! Please join us, there’s plenty of room!”

The female otter set down the glass of liquid that she had been sipping and smiled warmly at them as they sat down. “Yes, indeed, there’s always room in our little circle for more friends.” She pressed a paw to her chest, grazing the edge of a necklace that was laced with so many jewels it nearly blinded everyone else at the table. “I am Charlotte Paddler, and this is my husband, Joshua.”

“A pleasure.” The other otter extended his paw to shake Nick’s and then Judy’s. “And of course, you’ve already met Hector.”

The donkey waved again, seeming content with staying where he was and continuing with his meal. “Hector Lazio.”

Nick’s eyebrows jumped up in recognition. His sly smile spread across his face and he leaned forward with a sudden eagerness. “Not Hector Lazio of Lazio Motors!”

The donkey beamed with pride. “One and the same. I see my reputation precedes me.” He gestured to the sheep, who was shyly sitting between him and the two otters. “And last, but certainly not least, this is Lizbeth Ramses.”

Judy smiled warmly at her. “A pleasure, Lizbeth.” The sheep gave a shy smile in return, then quickly returned to her food, clearly not comfortable with making small talk. Judy respected that, and turned her attention to the two otters. “And what brings you all here to this fine charity ball?”

“Hey, that rhymed,” Nick quipped. A sudden elbow to his side quickly shut him up.

The question had been asked just as Joshua took a bite of his food, so Charlotte answered for the both of them. “As you said, it is a charity ball. We Paddlers are quite philanthropic, and we decided to attend tonight’s dinner to support a worthy cause.” She turned to her husband and gave him a happy look. “We try not to take our privileged lives for granted, so we try to spread our wealth however we can.”

Joshua finished his mouthful of food and nodded his head. “When Steve called me up and told me about this event, I just couldn’t say no.” He lovingly rested his paw on top of his wife’s and returned her smile. “We couldn’t say no.”

Nick couldn’t help but grin at the couple’s genuine generosity. “Aw, that’s sweet.”

Beside him, Judy finally got a chance to dig into her food. The first thing she went for was her macaroni casserole, and she just managed to swallow her first bite in time to reply, “Nope. Just right.” She closed her eyes and sighed happily, barely able to maintain her accent. “So right!”

Nick ignored her and turned his attention to Lizbeth. “How about you? How did you get roped into this?” When Lizbeth looked up from her food and locked eyes with him, his smile instantly wiped off his face. “Let me guess: Alan Ziege?”

“Alan Ziege,” the sheep quietly confirmed.

“Say no more. I am so sorry.” Nick quickly looked at Hector. “And I imagine the great Hector Lazio of Lazio Motors has some ulterior motive beyond a tasty meal and a write-off on his taxes, am I right?”

“Ah, there’s no getting past you, is there?” Hector closed his eyes and puffed his chest with pride. “Yes, fantastic Mr. Fox, I am here for more than that. Oh, do not misunderstand: there is nothing more noble than voluntarily giving your money to a worthy cause. And I think we can all agree, the food here tonight is delicious.”

All other heads at the table immediately nodded in agreement. Judy, in the middle of chewing on another bite of her food, added a thumbs-up for good measure. 

Hector’s smile spread slightly further across his face. “But there are other things at this charity ball—things that were not on the invitation—that I am most definitely interested in.”

Nick leaned forward, showing his interest. “Go on,” he encouraged.

“It’s something that Steve Hoppkins has told me much about.” Hector’s voice dropped to a volume that only those at the table could hear. “He has a lot of experience in this particular field. I daresay he is one of the most talented animals in the world when it comes to…” He chuckled. “Well, when it comes to this particular skill.”

Judy slowly put down her fork and stared at the donkey intensely. “You don’t mean…?”

Hector looked directly at her and nodded. “Yes, that’s right.” His eyes narrowed as he stared at her. “The oldest hustle in the world.”

Judy gasped, and it was hard to tell if it was made up or genuine. “Oh, Mr. Lazio, you’re… you’re…”

“A farmer?” Charlotte asked.

“A tax collector?” Joshua guessed.

“I thought he was a CEO,” Lizbeth whispered. 

“A money launderer!” Nick declared. He started to rise up from his chair, ready to make his first arrest of the night.

Hector, however, blinked in confusion after hearing all of their guesses. “What? No! Women, I’m talking about women!” When all eyes on the table stared at him incredulously, he let out a heavy sigh and turned to look at Nick, then to Joshua. “Come on, fellas, you know what I’m talking about. It’s just so hard to talk to women sometimes. You can say the most straightforward thing, and they’ll take it completely the wrong way. Nobody understands how their minds work, least of all me, and every time I’ve tried to have a relationship, it’s always ended with me wondering what I did wrong.” He looked back at Nick, a look of mild desperation in his eyes. “You know what it’s like, don’t you?” 

Nick found himself uncharacteristically at a loss for words—and even if he wasn’t, he was painfully aware of the black bunny next to him currently glaring at him and silently daring him to answer that question. He decided to take the safest route and quickly shoved a forkful of food into his mouth. 

That seemed to satisfy Judy. She shot him one last look as a warning, then turned to Hector and tried to smile politely. “While I do agree that males and females can sometimes struggle to properly communicate…” Her smile disappeared. “There’s a better way to go about it than that.”

Hector stared at her for a few more seconds, trying desperately to understand what she had just said. “So…I take it you aren’t interested in—”

“No.”

Hector sighed. “Well, it was worth a shot.” He spun in his chair and look to the sheep beside him. “Are you—”

“Uninterested,” she responded, still as quiet as ever but much more flatly than anyone else had heard her so far.

Charlotte, however, cleared her throat. “Well, if you’re interested…” She produced a business card from somewhere under the table and waved it in the donkey’s direction. “This is our hotel room.” Behind her, Joshua silently wiggled his eyebrows.

Nick and Judy both hurriedly returned their attention to their plates as the donkey hesitantly accepted the business card. With the four mammals on the other side of the table distracted, Nick leaned over to Judy and dropped his voice to a whisper. “Just our luck. The biggest money laundering scheme of the year, and we’re stuck at the only table with legitimate businessmammals.”

“It’s not like every single person here would know about it,” Judy pointed out. “If Mr. Big hadn’t let me know, the ZPD would never have found out.” 

“Well, with Steve Hoppkins already skipping town, I think our chances of finding anyone else involved in money laundering just went down the tubes.” 

“Don’t be so pessimistic, Slick, there’s bound to be at least a couple other suspects here right now.”

“And how do you propose we find a group of criminals hiding in plain sight?”

“Perhaps we should ask our dear friend Duke Weaselton.”

“You guys mention my name?” 

The fox and bunny recoiled in their seats as the sudden loud voice sounded from behind them. They spun around to find Weaselton standing behind them, a stupid plastic smile spread across his punchable face.

Thankfully, it did not appear he had heard much of their conversation. He spread his arms in what they assumed was supposed to be a humble gesture. “Just couldn’t stop thinking of me, eh? I know, I do have that effect on people.” He brought one of his paws forward to show them a plate of food he was holding. “Do you all mind if I joined you? My other table seems to have developed a mild case of food poisoning—all at the same time. Those poor idiots.”

Judy and Nick were still stunned at Weaselton’s sudden appearance. Hector, however, gestured at an empty chair and shot the weasel a welcoming smile. “There’s always room for one more!” He glimpsed at the two otters and winked. “And I will be very grateful for that later tonight,” he added.

“I have no idea what that means, but who am I to complain?” Weaselton plopped his food down in the empty seat and quickly made himself at home. He quickly started to shovel his food into his mouth with his fork, making no attempt at proper etiquette. Then, with his mouth still half-full of food, he looked at Judy and spoke to her. “So, toots, what brings you to this fancy-schmancy ball, anyway?”

Having once again suddenly lost her appetite, Judy gently set her fork down on her plate and forced a smile. “Oh, why, Steve Hoppkins, of course.” 

“Oh, yeah? And how do you know him?” Weaselton narrowed his eyes. “He didn’t swindle you out of five hundred bucks, too, did he?”

“No, nothing like that,” Nick spoke up. He put his paw on Judy’s shoulder, hoping it would serve as a silent warning to the weasel to leave the bunny alone. “We are business partners, and we came to this ball to support Mr. Hoppkins’ latest initiative.”

Weaselton nodded knowingly. “Ah, right, the big charity scam.” All other mammals at the table froze as soon as Weaselton’s words left his mouth, but it took him several seconds before he realized what he had said. His mouth stopped mid-chew. “Oops,” he mumbled.

Judy glared at Weaselton and leaned forward, eyeing him like she was interrogating a suspect while on the beat. “And why don’t you tell us exactly what this charity scam is, Mr. Weaselton?” she demanded, somehow still able to retain her Southern accent.

Weaselton, however, did not respond. Instead, he looked back at Judy with a nervous look, his eyes darting all across her face as he slowly realized exactly who he was talking with. His pupils dilated, his fur stood up on end, and his breathing grew extremely shallow. “Oh, crepes. You’re…” He raised a paw and pointed at her. “You’re…” His eyes darted to Nick, who was beginning to stand up from his chair behind her. “And you’re…!”

Nick smiled. “Hiya, Dukey.” He crossed his arms and gave the weasel a victory grin. “Did you miss us?”

Before Weaselton had a chance to run away, Judy grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him close—so close, their noses nearly touched. Not bothering to keep up her fake Southern accent anymore, she reverted to her normal tone of voice as she bore into him. “How about you spill your guts, Weaselton?” When he tried to pull away, she doubled down her grip and yanked him even closer. “Spill your guts, or I will spill them myself, all over this table.”

Weaselton’s lower lip quivered at the threat, and tears started to form in his eyes at Judy relentlessly stared at him. Knowing he was beat, he quickly nodded his head, signaling his willingness to talk. Judy slowly eased her grip on his shirt, allowing him to back away from her a few inches to regain his composure.

COPS!”

The scream nearly deafened Judy, and she fully let go of Weaselton’s shirt in recoil. Weaselton took advantage of the situation by turning around and running away as fast as his legs could carry him. He continued screaming at the top of his lungs as he ran. “Cops! Undercover cops! Get them!”

The two of them knew they had no time to waste. Acting faster than thought, they both lunged back towards the buffet table mere feet away; they had intentionally chosen the table they had sat at because it was so close. As soon as they flew underneath the tablecloth, a number of shots rang out from all directions, and the ground where they had been exploded into countless splinters as dozens of bullets barely missed them.

The tranquilizer guns were exactly where the bear had promised they would be, and within seconds, the two of them were armed and ready for action. Nick readied his gun and couldn’t help but give Judy one of his signature half-lidded grins. “Well, I guess I owe you five dollars after all.”

Judy grinned in satisfaction. “Like I told you: always something.”

With that, she flew out from underneath the table and launched herself into the air. All around her, the many rhinos lining the walls had their guns drawn, trained on all areas of the buffet table to try and predict where she might emerge. None of them were ready for her, however, and she quickly shot two tranquilizer darts into their designated targets before they had a chance to react.

Nick shot out from the other side of the table while Judy was busy, and without any of the rhinos expecting him, he was able to effortlessly shoot two of them, putting them into an instant sleep. The two partners quickly jumped on top of the buffet table to give themselves a better view, standing back-to-back as dart after dart found their target with bullseye precision.

They were vaguely aware of the rest of the venue erupting in panic. Most other mammals started running for the exits. A few pulled out weapons of their own and started taking aim at the officers. The four mammals at Nick and Judy’s table took cover underneath it, with Hector seeming to grow much more comfortable cozying up to Charlotte. On the other side of the room, the orchestra had paused to take a break a few minutes ago, and the animal in charge of the sound system had loaded up some pop songs to play in the background. 

Bittersweet memories
That is all I’m taking with me
So goodbye, please don’t cry
We both know I’m not what you, you need

Some of the skylights in the ceiling broke, and a half-dozen hippos started rappelling down, wildly shooting at Nick and Judy and not even coming close to hitting either of them. The two officers, in comparison, calmly reloaded their tranquilizer guns over and over and kept hitting their targets without missing a single time.

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you’ve dreamed of
And I wish you joy and happiness
But above all of this, I wish you love

Nick chuckled. “Hey, I know this song.”

Judy glanced over her shoulder and shot him a sly grin. “Yeah? Then you know what comes next, right?”

“Do I?” Nick turned around himself and gave his bunny a loving smile. “Yes, yes I do.”

The two of them raised their guns and shot off one last time without even looking. They were too busy looking longingly into each other’s eyes, and their faces were coming closer and closer to each other. Then, with one final movement, Nick swept the bunny off her feet, brought her close to him, and pressed his lips against hers.

And I will always love you
I will always love you

Hippos rained down from above. Rhinos fell to the ground all around them. A tiger in the far corner roared a goofy roar as the serum in his dart shut down his motor skills. Food flew into the air like fireworks. Their four new mammal friends skirted away from their hiding place, holding each other’s assorted paws and hooves with newfound infatuation.

I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you

The black bunny and the white fox remained in each other’s embrace, eyes closed, lips intertwined, and hearts racing in their chests. For a moment, the world faded away around them, leaving just the two of them alone. 

I, I will always love you

Their eyes slowly opened, and they smiled at each other.

“You know I love you, right, Carrots?”

“Do I know that? Yes. Yes I do.” 

Notes:

I hope you all enjoyed reading this story! It's not often I have notes to go with my fanfics, but this is a special case, so here's some notes:

First of all, this story was written for the ZNN Minibang 2026 challenge. I had never heard of a Minibang before this, but it was announced on ZNN in late 2025, and I decided to participate. I'm glad I did, because it was a lot of fun getting this written within the required specs.

HUGE thanks to Vol for making the cover art! He was in constant communication with me throughout the time period, making sure it was as perfect as possible. I could not have asked for any better!

Fun fact: This story was actually my original climax for Stained Crimson, when I first thought that story up. However, I quickly realized that the tone and flow of this didn't match that of Stained Crimson, so I separated the two and decided to write this one later as its own one-shot. I think it's safe to say, that was the right decision, and now both stories have benefited from it.

Last fun fact: I wrote this story entirely in one day, including editing. What you see here was written from beginning to end on November 1, 2025. It was a fantastic start to WHAM.

That's all the notes I have. Thanks again, everyone! And remember to go check out the other ZNN Minibang stories!

Series this work belongs to: