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It was hot.
So hot, so insanely hot in ways Neptune had never felt before. He was insanely hot, from the inside out, unnaturaly so. Sweat poured down his face, into his neck and soaking into the fluff he had there, feeling ew and yucky and gross, but stubbornly, the jacket remained.
Neptune shivered.
That wasn't right. He was hot.
Feverish, he thought with distain, only to immediately shoo the thought away. No. Neptune couldn't get sick. Why should he? He was closer to the Sun now!
Sure, his oceans were boiling alive and most likely boiling his entire being with it, but, like- so what if he became a gas giant? Jupiter and Saturn were gas giants, and they were fiiineee! So really, Neptune should just stop being a baby and-
Something in his throat bubbled.
The next moment Neptune was pretty much hacking out a lung, coughs so strong the poor planet doubled over, lost his balance- and ended up curling up out of utter misery. Ow...
"Neptune?" He heard one of his sweet moons ask- though the planet had no energy to face them, his body twitching uselessly due to the overuse. It was hot, so painfully hot, he felt so bad oh my sta- no!
The planet grumbled, weakly slapping the side of his face to get a hold of himself.
Get it together. Your moons...
"Are you still sick, Neptune?"
"You're starting to look like Uranus..."
That was an odd comment. Uranus didn't look near as close to death as Neptune did.
Uranus also didn't look crazy. Or insane. Or strange. "H-hah!" The planet forced out a laugh, ending up on a wheeze. "Good one, Galatea..."
"Huh?" The little moon tilted her head, confused. Neptune was going to answer her, just-... just give him a moment. He needed to... catch up. Or his brain needed to catch up.
...Wait, no, they didn't have brains. But they had minds? How was that even-... whatever, something needed to catch up. Hm........ ketchup......
"Maybe we can ask the Sun if he can send us back to our old orbits?" His sweet and thoughtful Proteus asked, bringing Neptune to tears. Which was weird. He wasn't this emotional, usually... ah. The light must have gotten to him. Yeah. That... that it must be. Or. However words worked, he wasn't too sure at the moment.
"Oh, if only it were so simple Proteus..." He mumbled, more to himself than as a response, for once not even having the energy to filter the content of what he was saying so that he didn't scare his little moons. But it wasn't that easy. Sun wouldn't agree. Neptune knew he wouldn't. Which... he understood, in a way.
Sure, he wouldn't force his moons to remain near him. No way, Neptune wasn't that mean. But the urge to keep all his babies at arm's length, to keep them all close to him, love them, protect them... he did get that part.
Oh stars. His moons orbited so far from him... and were willing to go back to that, giving up this precious light and warmth, just so that Neptune would feel better?
A tickle in his throat was the only warning he got before the planet started coughing again, worse than before. A sound that grated his throat painfully, and made the already fluttery beat of his core speed up more than it should. 95, 100, 105, 110, his mind automatically counted the numbers, knowing on its own that this fast a beat wasn't normal. A shaky hand pressed against his lips, a weak attempt to stop before ice slipped past his fingers anyway. Neptune winced, shifting when he just couldn't sit comfortably, gasping for air he didn't need.
His sweet little babies looked worried at him.
All fifteen of them.
No... no that's not right.
"Where's-" The planet winced. 'Where's Triton?"
115, 120, 125, 120, 125, 120, 125-
"I'm here." His oldest's gentle voice spoke up, bringing him a momentary relief during all that burning like a cooling balm. It didn't help for long, sadly, making Neptune painfully aware of the sweat in his hair, his armpits, his everywhere.
The fluffy coat he wore and the undershirt he wore undearneath.
Take it off.
No.
Wait, wait wait- that... that hadn't been Triton's orbit, right? No, no, it hadn't been- Triton came from the wrong direction. Which meant... "Where were you?" His voice was croaky as he asked. Neptune shivered, suddenly getting oh so cold, pulling his hood up just enough to cover his ea- ew ew sweat sweat he forgot about that ew sticky gross hot hot hot-
It almost made him cry. But Neptune bit his lip to keep that to himself.
Triton just blankly stared at him, raising an eyebrow. Why was he doing that? Ah... Neptune must have said something stupid, as usual. He did that a lot. He did that aallllll the time!
...
What had he been doing again?
Triton snapped his fingers in front of his eyes, the soft snaps making his ears ring. Neptune flinched back, both eyes squeezing shut. Ow...
"...Shouldn't you take off your jacket, Neptune?" Despina quietly asked, looking him up and down. "You... you were super hot when we were hugging you-"
"No!" He snapped. Despina stepped back, shocked by the sudden outburst. Neptune himself froze too.
...Why did he-
Her eyes filled up with tears.
Oh no.
"Oh- o-oh, wait-" Neptune gasped, mouth suddenly dry, emotions going haywire the more he looked at her sad face. No, no, he didn't mean to, he didn't mean to, don't cry please don't cry- "-I-I'm sorry, Despina, I- don't know what is up with me!" He desperately laughed out, completely ignoring the way his skin itched and screamed when he picked up her warmer body to nuzzle against. Despina hiccuped, but did kiss his cheek with the most delicate of purrs. His sweet, delicate Despina. "That wasn't nice to you at all."
"You... you're not feeling well." His little moon sniffed, pressing more insistently against his feverish skin in hopes of comforting him in some way. Missing the way Neptune froze at the contact, mind stopping completely. Oh wow. Wow, how much Neptune hated the needless stabbing into his skin. "You would never be mean, Neptune."
The planet attempted to purr.
A choked sound came out instead.
Neptune pushed her and the rest of his moons away before he could cough ice on them.
His breaths hitched and gurgled, not just because of the way his throat burned. There was a panicked edge the planet pushed down, down and down as he always did. But it kept coming back up, speeding up his corebeat and causing his hands to tremble. No, no, why was he-
-Hold up, wait that wasn't just emotions, he-
The planet panted, needing to lean on an asteroid when his shaky legs threatened to give up on him, saliva flooding his mouth like an ugly wave. Neptune pressed a hand onto his mouth as he swallowed, ignoring the bitter taste, trying to breathe through it.
120, 125, 130, 125-
A gasp.
A gag.
His stomach twisted.
Oh- oh he was-
"-Neptune-?"
Neptune pushed his moons away when they neared.
Just in time before he vomited.
He heard the moons screaming behind him, but Neptune didn't care, letting his knees buckle when it became too much. He choked out ice in waves, eyes watering, core hammering more and more-
Ew, was all he could think, taking in a shaky gasp when it passed. Neptune didn't dare open his eyes, both because he didn't want to see, and because he knew he would start crying when he did.
Oh that felt awful, he felt awful, both inside and outside, since when can celestials even- oh nope nope nope-
Neptune barely held onto the asteroid when his body decided to give up on him once more, throwing up whatever little ice he'd gotten stuck in his stomach in the first place. Bits and pieces of the mist got stuck in the corner of his mouth, sticky and gross, worsening the chaos in his mind.
Ow...
The planet miserably thought, taking a shuddering breath. His weakened body slumped, barely able to stay standing- deep breaths, deep breaths, don't cry don't cry don't cry...
How was it possible to feel so bad? Neptune hated it, he hated it, he hated how he was acting so wrong and his thoughts were all over the place and oh my stars it hurt it hurt how can someone feel so bad-
115, 120, 125, 120, 125
Tiny bodies appeared on both sides of his head.
Neptune could barely tell who it was due to the tears blurring his vision and the headache angrily pounding in his ears. He coughed weakly, ending up choking on a sob- but his breath hitched when tiny hands grabbed the bangs at the side of his face, then quickly floated behind him in attempt to keep his hair away from the muckus he'd just coughed up.
...Oh.
His smallest treasures settled all over his neck despite the sweat that had collected there, erasing the sticky feeling that made him want to scream and replacing it with love, so much love, that it bubbled, couldn't be contained, spilled- oh wait he was crying. Oh. Yeah he should try to breathe. Maybe.
The larger ones that remained tugged on the fluff of his coat, the sleeves of his jacket- but the planet whined, curling up further as his eyes squeezed shut, almost falling forwa-
"Noooo no no no!" A bunch of his moons cried, immediately tugging back on his everywhere despite being too small to actually impact him. But he didn't care, mind zeroeing on it hurt, the places they pulled his hair hurt just rip it out, it already felt sticky and sweaty and stars he was hot rip it out RIP IT OUT-
"Neptune- Neptune stop!" Proteus cried, letting go of the strand of hair he had been holding to quickly grab Neptune's hand before he could bury it into his hair, pulling him back as much as his tiny body allowed. More moons, all his moons, joined in, which was so sweet and Neptune normally would have given them the love they deserved, but instead all he could focus on was too much.
120, 125, 130, 135-
He latched onto the numbers.
Numbers, numbers, numbers were good, numbers didn't change, numbers were nice and awesome and calm and usually got him to snap right out of it before he could have a meltdown. Escpecially sixteen, his favorite number, such a pretty number that made his heart warm and fluttery and all kinds of good and yes yes focus on that the soft warmth their sweet love his dearest-
-No, no, he was too hot, he was burning, why was he burning?
Slightly turning to the left made him remember why.
Neptune winced when his senses got attacked by the overwhelming brightness he'd spend eons longing for. Ah. Right. Their star. That's why.
Why wasn't Sunny fixing this yet, a childish voice in his brain asked in a heartbroken manner, burning his eyes once more even as they slipped close again. Sunny used to not let them hurt. He... his warmth had been nice.
Sun used to hold him, and kiss him, and soothe his crying and make him laugh all the time.
Why did his light now do this?
"Neptune- Neptune, lean back." His oldest, strangely close, murmured, taking over for the moons by gently pressing his thumbs behind Neptune's ears, and then combing his hair back. Fingers lightly scratched against his scalp, calming the storm that threatened to become a tornado, making the planet shiver. Neptune's eyes cracked open, just the smallest bit. Greeted with the sight of Nereid worriedly looking up at him. "Lean back." Triton repeated, more insistently this time, as his hands wandered over his head to gently reach and comb all his hair together into his hands. "Your proper tilt, Neptune."
Oh dear stars the relief of his hair not touching his neck was oh so good.
A weak purr slipped from his lips, only to be cut early when he coughed again, mercifully soft this time. Perhaps it was the sudden exhaustion and nausea that were the cause, but as long as his mind would shut up Neptune didn't care.
His stomach rolled, making him twitch and groan. But thankfully, he didn't start heaving again, blissfully sinking into the fuzziness that only grew and overflowed and caught him as if he were leaning into a soft clou- sweaty back ew ew ew ew no no-
His eyes snapped open, body going painfully rigid.
110, 115, 120
Triton paid him no mind, softly purring himself as he carefully twisted the scrunchie in his hands, making sure he didn't pull too hard or make it to tight, only slightly pulling away when his hair was tied into a ponytail. His expression was troubled, slightly softer now... "...You're burning up, Neptune." He murmured, more to himself, as he wiped the sweat that got onto his hands onto his jacket instead.
Breathe through it.
The ice giant... gas giant? Took a sharp breath through his nose, this time doing a better job ignoring the screaming in his head. Oh, he wanted to stim, he so did, his emotions were in overdrive as it was, and on top of that he still felt bad and oh so awful. He couldn't think- why was it so hard to think? He shivered- which didn't make sense, he was hot. A gurgled sound left his lips.
"Neptune?" Laomedeia asked, thankfully not near as loud as she normally would be- a small mercy on his painful ears. The little moon tugged on his sleeve. "You need to take your jacket off, Triton says so."
"N-no..." he deliriously shook his head, gaze tilting back up towards the distant stars in hopes of ignoring the bright one next to them. Tears dripped down his chin, onto his sweater, soaking into the already damp fabric.
"Neptune..." Hippocamp whined, joining his sister with trying to pull it off. Neither of them were even close to being big enough to do so. Only Sun would be, or the gas giants, or Uranus or-
He wanted Uranus.
He sobbed softly at the thought, raising a shaky hand to cover his face.
"-Triton, what's wrong with him-?"
"...He's not well, Nereid." His oldest whispered, though the words didn't register. Only the soft touch of brushing away a stray hair did, making the pitiful cries melt into a soft murmur. "...Really, really not well."
Neptune coughed again, right on cue, causing his entire body to twitch out of place. His moons flinched back, almost out of fear he would throw up again, only slowly approaching once they were sure he wasn't.
"I thought light was supposed to make you better..." Sao whined, nuzzling into his fingers. Neptune didn't have the mind to beg him to please let go, illfully laying back. His breathing had grown labored in the short period, though thankfully his core finally slowed its beating. 115, 110, 105...
His oldest murmured more words in response, Neptune knew he did- but he could only focus on the tone. That rough, cool tone that had deepened over the years, gained its cool edge, that no longer let out babyish cries the second he tried to let him go...
Triton moved, just in time as the giant opened his eyes to gaze upon him... getting emotional when he noticed just how big his moon had gotten. When did that happen? When did his first baby stop being a baby at all?
Oh how much he'd grown.
The love burst, bringing back that pleasant buzz, making the planet smile through his tears. He must have made some sort of noise again, considering Triton turned to him, slightly surprised, before his features softened. And breathed out a sigh. "...In a moment, Neptune, I promise."
In a moment a wha-?
"How about we take off this jacket first?" His moon asked, much gentler than usual, as he barely touched the fluff that uncomfortably brushed against his cheek. Being reminded of this only made the planet since, and flinch back.
He was stuck. Stuck in his own, stupid body. Too hot, too sticky, too much. He wanted out. He wanted to rip everything off and get out.
But he couldn't do that. Neptune didn't have that luxury.
Because he-
"Is it because of your scars, Neptune?" Proteus' comment made his eyes snap open, temporarily on high alert. His children had all removed themselves from him, each having that worried glint in their eyes... but none looked surprised. Not even a little bit.
Neptune blinked.
110, 115, 120, 125
"The scratches!" His moon clarified, as if that made it any better. "From when you forgot your name and used your hands badly! The bad stimmies!"
Gone was the pleasant fog, as Neptune had to suddenly swallow around the lump in his throat. He.... he did? In front of his moons? When did he do that?!
"No no Neptune don't cry!" Galatea, Despina and Nereid quickly nuzzled against his overheated cheek, barely flinching at the temperature- or the water droplets that fell on top of them. "You don't do that anymore! You remembered!"
"Yeah! You didn't mean to!" Sao and Neso joined the hug, as tight as they could, humming happily when Neptune's fingers curled towards them. "You got better!"
"But we want you all better." Thalassa complained... letting her gaze brush over his pale form, the bags under his eyes, the flush of his cheeks or the shakiness of his limbs. "...Please?"
Neptune couldn't look at them. He would start bawling his eyes out all over again if he did.
He did that? He... they saw him acting like this? Now wasn't the first time?! Despite how carefully he made sure they didn't, they couldn't, he-
Numbly nodded.
The furr on the inside pressed against his sweaty arms suddenly overpowered the shame.
His little babies let go of him as he numbly moved, gaze focused on one spot, unwilling to look down. He hissed when the colder air met his skin as he peeled the fabric away... but couldn't deny how good it felt to be out of the heavy clothing. He sighed, head dipping down when the relief first hit.
Some of his moons, bless their hearts, tugged the fabric down with him, a tiny attempt to help him get out faster. Soon the heavy wool jacket was gone, and the short-sleeved shirt he'd been wearing after.
Had Neptune been more aware of what he was doing, he would have felt embarassed. Would have felt bad, would have had a different reason as to why he was crying so much. But at the moment, as be basked in his newly found freedom... he couldn't deny how much better it felt. Sure, he was still basically being cooked alive, with the way his surface bubbled and only grew hotter, but... process.
"Ah-" He whimpered when sudden cold met his skin, cracking open an eye to witness his moons apparently having teamed up to find an ice asteroid. They beamed at him when they noticed they had his attention as the rock was pressed more insistently onto his chest.
Another, larger one was pressed onto his face, wiping away the tears and sweat. Neptune tilted his head back, heavy-eyed, barely registering the obvious worry and love in Triton's eyes.
"...I said your natural tilt, Neptune." He complained, tapping his head. The giant took the hint, and sank back down.
Oh, how wonderful that felt. So soft. So right. As if he could finally stop holding himself up. Wait. No. He did. Floating... in the water. Water he imagined. All nice and cool and soothing... he sighed, pleased. His eyes grew heavier, drowsier, as the cool pressing on his hand dulled the headache... and he didn't fight it. He let himself doze, finally-
"-No no, Neptune." An incoherent whine slipped out when he was stopped, immediately causing tears to appear again. Noo... why? He'd just been about to finally sleep, let him be. "I know." His moon mumbled, though still didn't let him drift off. Instead, he tilted with his head to the side, to one of the ice asteroids that was too large for the moons to carry over. "But you gotta drink water first. You're losing enough liquids as it is."
Boiling away was left unsaid.
He didn't want to. He really didn't want to, with the way his stomach was already disagreeing with him.
But his sweet little angels gave him pleading looks.
...And so, unwillingly, Neptune slightly pushed himself up. Reached out. And pulled the asteroid towards him.
Even in his delirious state, the planet shakily made sure to pull out enough water for them to drink first. Something they protested, pushing back into his own hands so he took a sip himself- but one look at the obvious exhaustion and how much he wanted to pass out, and his sweet moons drank. Only once all sixteen of them had their fill did Neptune crush up whatever remained (flinching at the bit too loud crack that echoed), cupped the water in his hands, and tipped back into his original tilt as he drank, not caring about how most of the water dripped down his chin, to his neck, his shoulders and chest. It was cooling. A small relief, joined in by so much more as the planet was finally allowed to doze off... lovingly cuddled by sixteen celestials all over his face and shoulders.
Ready to care, the same way he always did for them.