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I couldn't help it. Everything felt so meaningless in that moment; we had spent three years traveling across dimensions in order to find this new session and beat Sburb, but after all that we still weren't going to make it.
As we all stare at the quickly approaching planet, Rose hangs drunkenly from Kanaya, Karkat stands next to not-so-blind Terezi, and I stand by myself. My brain has gone into lockdown. In this moment, I can only note two things about the world: our whole three years wait was for nothing, and that I am the only one alone right now. Kanaya and Rose are on the S.S. Lesbian, which doesn't look like it's sinking any time soon, and Terezi and Karkat have each other now that Gamzee and I aren't really in the picture anymore. Me? Well, I'm alone. My best friend and his ecto-sister are on some cruise lightyears away, and everyone else is dead.
All I want right now is to see my best bro, and it doesn't look like it's going to happen. We hadn't had contact for years, and we were finally going to see each other; we were finally going to share that tender bro hug and a swift fist bump, and revel in the irony that was our journey to this moment. It was all some fantasy that was never going to come true. All I would be seeing is an instant death as this boulder literally hits rock bottom, killing everyone on board and likely everyone on half of the new Earth that we crash into.
My body is motionless; I stare at my incoming doom, at this incoming nightmare, and close my eyes. I am going to die. I am never going to hug the only person I've ever wanted to-- no. I'd already told myself that I was dropping that; it wasn't anything I could go after anyway. I just.. I had one wish, and that was to see my long time bro for the first time. My long-time unironic school-girl crush. It was one stupid wish, that was it! And when it finally seemed like some thing I had wanted so badly was finally within my reach, the universe went "Lol nope" and just did a u-turn. There are no words to describe the tables I would be mentally flipping if I could bring myself to process the end that's coming.
I rake my brain to bring forth every arguement I've ever had with myself, telling myself that it was best this way. This was the end we knew we'd come to anyway. You know he's probably not even attractive it's a waste of time thinking about it, he's such a dork. It's better off dying with a best bro than knowing that your gay-crush is homophobic. Wait, no. Think of something not related to John. Fuck I bet his big teeth really are as adorable as he's described them. Brain, no. You had one job. We could have pulled every ironic prank in the book on each other. Stop. We're not discussing this. God I even hoped we could watch some of those shitty movies he loves so much together.
Suddenly, I really, really didn't want to die. All I wanted was to see John's face.. at least just once. Was it really that hard to ask? He withheld pictures from me long enough, saying he just wanted to meet in person, and in the end we never meet each other at all? It's bullshit. It's.. it feels so wrong, and I can't even describe it. It's that wrong.
There's a distant sound, and I turn toward Karkat. I was zoning out.. did he call my name? Shit, had he said something I didn't hear? Every moment left counts at this point. I take a moment to process everything, and then I hear the sound again. It sounded like a dog.
"Dude, did you just bark?"
"What, no! I didn't bark. I thought it was you!"
"Why would I bark?"
"Well why the fuck would I bark?"
"Because you're having a mental break down."
"WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A MENTAL 'GO FUCK YOURSELF'?!"
We continued to uselessly argue; God, it's a waste of the few breaths we have left. I scold myself inwardly as Karkat continues to yell, and then I hear another bark. This time much closer. Then, before we can screech another word at each other, there's a bright flash of light. I feel blinded and thankful for the sunglasses the obviously-unattractive-John gave me all at once, and then I feel terror. Jade floats before us, glowing, angry, and animalistic.
Fuck our lives.
"Hey guys. Long time no see."
The deepest frown that has ever graced my face stretches widely downward. I look over at Karkat, and note that he has the same expression. Alright, I guess we're going to die a little sooner than we expected. No big deal. This one might be more painful than the other option, but it didn't matter. We'd reach the same end in the next few minutes anyway. I think to myself how life felt like a huge tease; dangling things in front of me that I could never have, and never see. The only thing I can think to counter with is that none of it was worth it anyway. I never really wanted any of it. I had just told myself I had. I never did. I was lying, even though I didn't know it. I just wanted something to attach to I guess. I didn't need it. I didn't want it. I didn't--
There was another flash, and the only thing I could see was bright green. It felt like there were needles in my sides, and like all my limbs were stretching in opposite directions; I squeezed my eyes shut again, waiting for the end. Then I felt a cold, hard force on my back as I fell against something hard, but grassy. The wind was knocked out of me, and I heard other thuds around me. Yeah, I'm definitely confused. Am I hearing us crash? Why were there no exploding body sounds as we crash down at not-quite-the-speed-of-light?
I hear a gasp from somewhere above me, and my body freezes. Well, someone's alive. I dare to open my eyes to see where the sound came from, and instead of seeing a crashed meteor I see a dark, cloudy sky, surrounded by a sea of lively green, and some sort of red stone with a boy in blue standing on top of it. He smiles down at me, and then I realize who it is.
No.
Oh no...
..He's hot.
That changes everything.