Work Text:
I write in new book to best of memory. Old book of many many thoughts is gone. I look in case, kit, laptop but no find. Is pink book with padlock, so nobody can get in but is worry, no? Say is find? What if Roger is to find this? Will no more write of this person. Also will write no more of date or place. Find out who am, no? Will be bad thing.
***
Today I find Andy (Scottish – sometimes no understand, no?) say to press that I better than Roger. I win all important ones. Is rubbish no? Roger is much, much better player than me, no? I will speak with Andy when I am seeing him to explain these many things.
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Andy is very strange man. When I take with Feli he stare many times. After Feli go he ask me about slice shot. He is tennis player, no? For sure he no this, no?
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I have pain in tooth. First I think is pain in heart because was thinking of... But is tooth no? I have much pain from this. Is good also, no? I no think of –
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Andy has sent me text. He hear about tooth. Want to come to room to show Scottish remedy. Room is mess, no? Meet him downstairs.
***
Andy stay in same hotel. I am not knowing this. He give me bottle of whisky. He say is good for tooth, no? I try very small glass. Is very good taste, no? Try more. Taste very good. Andy is funny guy, no? We talk for very long time. But the drink it make me bad, no? Keep falling on Andy’s hands. Make me embarrass to do this many times to Andy. Many time he touch – Is good guy. He no say anything. When Andy leave – he hold onto my thigh so can get up – to go to bathroom. I must go also.
***
I get up and feel spinning. I get lost in corridor – bump into someone – Roger. I am not knowing he is in same hotel also. I think he stay in very expensive hotel. More than this one. He help me to get back to room.
Was very good thing that Toni no there. Feel bad for Andy. No say goodbye. Also bad for Roger. I sick on nice clothes. Roger is always nice clothes. I no no what happen then. Wake up and room is dark. I have no clothes.
Also I remember dream – Roger, he take off clothes. He clean me. His hands they reach... they touch... cannot help this. I beg for this – more, more, no? I no tell – can no stop. Is finish very quick. Have want – need this touch for long time, no? After he clean me again. And kiss before sleep. Is nice dream, no?
***
This morning I see Roger on practice court. He leave before I can say hello and sorry to him. Then later he leave and no say hello. He no no my dreams, no? He no no what I think of him? Is secret, no? I no tell him of this? Will not be friend if know of this. Happy to be just friend. Perhaps write letter to say very sorry for sick on Roger’s nice clothes. Maybe buy new. Will ask Mirka about this. Would not to buy thing he no like.