Chapter Text
Eddie didn’t really expect him to move out. He didn’t suggest it, mentioned it, insinuated it, or even thought it, yet Buck acts like someone is rushing him, like he’s being chased out of the house.
At first he thought Buck was just being a people pleaser, like, maybe he was trying to leave only because he thought Eddie wanted him to, so Eddie made sure to tell him that was not the case, but it didn’t change a thing, Buck kept looking for a new place to live, and Eddie just doesn’t get it.
That’s why, as Buck’s making dinner, Eddie sneaks into the kitchen unnoticed, Buck left his computer unattended on the kitchen table with a whole list of houses and apartments he’s taken an interest in, naturally Eddie quickly skims over them, and he just knows they all suck, so he looks at Buck (who’s turning his back to him without noticing Eddie walking in the kitchen) and erases every house on his list and closes all the tabs in the computer. Only then he walks up to Buck.
“Whatcha doing” he leans against the sink next to Buck.
Buck startles “Jeez, when did you get in here?”
“Just now”
He smiles “Lasagna”
“Love it”
“Gotta make my stay worth your while”
Eddie frowns “This is your house too”
Buck chuckles and softly elbows him “You know what I mean”
"I don't"
"Eddie"
“Are you really moving out?”
“Of course” he says, easily, as if it’s not making Eddie burn with anguish.
“There’s no rush, Buck, you can stay forever if you feel like it”
Buck laughs, and Eddie just frowns, why is that so damn funny?
“I got a house showing tomorrow, wanna come with me?”
“Oh, you do” he mutters, upset.
“I promise I’ll be out of your way soon enough”
Eddie’s frown grows deeper. Is he doing something? Like, is he sending some kind of signal that’s making Buck think he wants him out of here? Is he, like, unintentionally making him think he needs to leave?”
“You’re not in my way”
“C’mon now”
“Really, Buck, I’m happy to have you here”
“And I appreciate it but of course I have to move, don’t worry, I’m not trying to be a burden… what’s that your abuela is always saying about dead people and freeloaders?”
“You’re not freeloading”
“They stink after three days, right?”
“What?”
“Dead people and freeloaders”
Eddie chuckles “What are you talking about?”
“That thing abuela always says!”
“I know she says that but it’s not the case, you’re not freeloading!”
“I still gotta move”
“Not really”
“Why not?” he asks, trying to get Eddie’s clearly ulterior motives out of him.
“Because you can stay”
Buck sighs, giving up “Will you come with me or not?”
Eddie considers it for a minute. He doesn’t want Buck to move, and he’s said it enough, right? Like, he keeps going on and on about how Buck is welcome to stay forever, about how he likes having him there, and Buck keeps dismissing it and even fucking laughing, so maybe if he goes to the appointment, Eddie could make him realize he wants to stay too, maybe Buck will realize that whatever place he’s looking at is not as good as their house, maybe he’ll look at Eddie in a new light and finally understand he belongs right by his side, so Eddie sighs, realizing he needs to go with him “Fine”
“At noon”
“Alright”
“Great, dinner is ready” he places his hand on Eddie’s waist and gently pushes him aside, making way to open the cabinet behind Eddie and take out three plates. And Eddie is so embarrassed as he realizes his heart is suddenly beating like a drum, and he’s somewhat disappointed at the outcome, at Buck pushing him instead of pulling him. He feels ridiculous and confused so he tries to shove that feeling away and go get Chris for dinner.
Eddie will admit the place is nice. It’s big and it’s an open plan and it gets a lot of natural light, he can easily envision Buck there, with his goddamn plants and that goddamn bike he’s always hanging on walls and the goddamn coat hanger he will mainly use for his collection of aprons. Eddie can see it.
But Eddie can also see the way there’s no place for him or Christopher to stay the night. It would be an only bedroom, and of course, if it’s only Eddie staying the night he’s the one taking the couch, which is perfect, works for him, Eddie will sleep on the couch forever if it’s at Buck’s, but if it’s both Eddie and Chris coming over Buck will obviously offer them the bed and he would just kindly take the couch like it doesn’t matter, but Eddie doesn’t like that, Eddie doesn’t like the idea of Buck sleeping on the couch, and neither does Buck, that’s why he’s moving out in the first place, isn’t it? So why would he move just so he still sleeps on the couch? Or is he maybe planning on never inviting them over? Eddie can’t have that.
“Look at that staircase” Buck says, smiling.
Eddie doesn’t look at the staircase, he remains looking at Buck, at his soft smile and his curious eyes and his face that seems pleased, not happy, not like he loves the place, Eddie can tell, it’s like Buck is looking for something to love and the stairs might just do the trick.
“It’s ok” he says, still not looking at it.
The staircase it’s a translucent set with an organic curve that makes it look kind of futuristic 70’s, when the lights are out and the place goes dark it resembles the stairs Darth Vader climbs towards Luke in that one battle.
“I like the stairs” Buck tells with a smile to the realtor that’s showing them around.
“They’re brand new” she says like it's exciting news, like she can’t see Buck is not loving the place “The owner just had the whole place remodeled"
“That’s great, my last place had some things that needed fixing, and before I moved in the owner said he’d have them done but then time went by and he just never did”
Eddie frowns, that’s not true, their house is perfectly fine, maybe a few details here and there but Buck never mentioned them to him or the owner, he didn’t seem to care, he knew they were there beforehand.
“But it was an open plan too! I like that”
Oh, so he’s not talking about their house, he's talking about his old loft. So what, Buck doesn’t take their house into account? Is he skipping over it like it was never really his?
“What do you think?” Buck says, now looking at Eddie.
Eddie shrugs with a displeased face “There’d be only one bedroom”
Buck seems concerned, not at the bedroom matter, but at the tone in Eddie’s voice, like he’s horrified he said it in front of the realtor.
“The owner is open to anything” she quickly notifies “Maybe you guys could build up a wall? Make another bedroom?”
“That’s fine” Buck shakes his head “One bedroom is enough”
Eddie frowns at him “There needs to be at least a guest room, that’s just common decency”
“Why?”
“For guests?”
“I’m not planning on having guests”
“You say that now but you never know”
“Maybe I don’t want a guest room so no guests come over”
Eddie softly smacks him on the arm “Chris?”
“Chris doesn’t need a guest room, he’s not a guest, he can take the one bedroom”
“You need a guest room” he insists, losing his patience, like why isn’t he getting it?
“It’s ok if this one is not what you’re looking for” the realtor says “I could let you know of any places with two bedrooms that come up?”
“That’s not necessary”
“Why are you asking for my opinion just so you can ignore it?”
Buck looks at him, eyes wide, as if Eddie is embarrassing him “I’m not”
“I think this is not for you, you hated your old loft, you moved into the house and never even missed the loft, and this place is an awful lot alike”
Buck still looks at him, scandalized “Eddie!”
The realtor giggles to herself “Tell you what, I’ll hold to your contact information, and I’ll send you a list of two bedroom apartments that might be right up your alley”
Buck sighs “Yeah, that could work”
“I’m sorry this didn’t work for you” she says with an apologetic smile “I thought it was for one person only”
“It is” Buck says, not really understanding the comment. And Eddie feels his gut wrenching, because why did he say it like that, like any other implication was ridiculous.
“Oh, I–” she shakes his head “Ok, right, so we’ll be in touch”
Buck thanks her while shaking her hand, and Eddie feels relieved as they’re saying their goodbyes, a weight being lifted off his shoulders when Buck doesn’t take the place, that’s good, maybe Buck will look at more places and tire himself out when he just doesn’t find anything, and eventually he’ll give up and stop looking, and he’ll stay and then everything will be ok, they’ll live together which works wonderfully, they will–
“What the hell was that?” Buck stops Eddie’s train of thought once they’re back in the car, driving back home.
“What?”
“Why did you act like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like that”
“I don’t follow”
“Why were you so insistent on me having a second bedroom? I live alone”
“You live with us”
“Right, I mean– when I move out, I’ll live alone”
“You still need a guest room”
“What for?”
“Guests!”
“What guests?”
Eddie doesn’t answer, he feels stupid just thinking about the word ‘me’ coming out of his mouth. “I don’t know” he answers instead.
Buck sighs, frustrated “Fine, if you think I need a guest room, I’ll have a guest room”
And Eddie gets an odd feeling, like butterflies brushing his heart and his gut and picking him up, floating around “You’ll thank me later”
Buck doesn’t answer right away, but when he does he talks reluctantly, as if giving in, not really wanting to but feeling forced to “Are you hiding something from me?”
Eddie freezes. He gapes, looking at the road, not even considering the possibility of looking at Buck.“Uh–” he stammers for a second, shaking his head “Uh?”
“Are you?” he insists.
And well, that’s just not fair, is it? Because Eddie is hiding something, but what does that have to do with anything?
“Like?” he manages to say.
“I don’t know”
Eddie considers it for a minute. The way he sees it, he has two options here.
He could admit it. He could tell him what he’s hiding, he could tell him he’s gay, that he just realized a few weeks back when he was in Texas and that he’s not hiding it as much as he’s waiting for the right time to tell him. But what exactly does the right time entail? He’s not quite figured it out yet, but he will, and then he’ll come clean, that’s the plan. And he’s not entirely sure of why, why is it that he gets so anxious at the bare idea of telling Buck, he can stomach the idea of telling Bobby, Chim, Hen, anyone, but Buck? He gets nauseous at the thought, and it makes no sense at all, is not like Buck will pass judgement or treat him differently, right? He knows Buck will be all supportive and lovely, yet he’s terrified to tell him, hence he just keeps postponing it.
But he could also deny it entirely. He could laugh it off and pretend everything’s the same as always. He could keep on waiting for the right time, which clearly is not this one.
“What do you think I’m hiding?” he asks, smiling, teasing.
Buck shrugs, not looking at him “You tell me”
“You need a guest room, that’s the only truth”
“I already told you I’m getting one!”
“Good” he looks back ahead “Then no more appointments for today”
Buck doesn’t insist, because he has a pretty solid theory regarding why Eddie is pushing him into staying, but he can’t bring himself to bring that thought into words, into life, if he dares saying it out loud he might actually break down. So he remains silent, trying to quiet the voices in his head. Just this time.