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When Rui glances over at Tsukasa in class, which was admittedly quite often, he normally has the pleasant sight of his focused expression. His eyes would be locked on the teacher, and he would engagingly nod at every sentence said. A one-man show of a passionate scribbling of notes—with determination that only Tsukasa could have on a Monday morning.
Occasionally, he would be slightly distracted. If they'd had an especially taxing practice the day prior, then he could be less concentrated. Tsukasa would lean a cheek on a palm; his gaze subconsciously drifting towards the window to admire a flock of birds passing by. That scenario was a personal favourite of Rui's—until Tsukasa eventually snapped out of his daze to pay attention again.
Never, would he see him completely and wholly asleep.
At least, until today.
The boy in question was slumped over the desk; his chin pressing into the blank worksheet of today's lesson. His hair fell in layers over his face, and eyes blissfully closed in slumber. It definitely was an appealing scene to Rui, but was still slightly concerning nonetheless.
Tsukasa never mentioned any sort of problem with sleep. In fact, it was quite the opposite—him being in bed at a much more reasonable time than Rui himself (of which he was lectured about by him on a regular basis). So, him suddenly falling asleep in class should realistically never happen.
Maybe he was overthinking this. It's not unheard of at all for a high-schooler to go to bed late. Perhaps he just got engrossed in a new show idea; he'll have to ask him.
The lesson ends soon enough, and while their classmates are hurriedly packing up to enjoy their lunch, Tsukasa remains entranced in rest. Rui crouches down to his eye level, taking a moment to examine him. From this angle, the once subtle signs of exertion were clearly visible.
“Tsukasa-kun, you'll hurt your back if you continue sleeping like that,” Rui lightly shakes his shoulder to awaken him. “Trust me, I would know.”
A few long seconds later, he blinks slowly; raising his head. “... Rui? Did I… What's the time…?”
“It's the start of lunch. Enjoyed your little nap, hm?” he teases, expecting him to banter back.
Instead, the retort doesn't come. Tsukasa simply gives a curt nod before standing up. “Should we go eat, then?”
He's caught off guard for a second, but then hums in acknowledgement. They walk side by side down the hallway; Rui taking another look at the shorter boy. He'll file his odd behaviour away in his brain, just in case.
Two days later, the flicker of worry felt before had smouldered into something marginally larger. Rui didn't feel like his anxiety was fully warranted, but continued to notice some sort of abnormality in Tsukasa's demeanor. He hadn't fallen asleep in class again after that incident, yet still seemed much more tired.
Not to mention, Rui doesn't remember the last normal conversation they'd had together. Days once filled with ideas bouncing off each other, discussions about recently watched shows, and mundane complaints about school had vanished in the past week.
He just hopes it would be a passing phase, and that they would return to normalcy soon. Coming to school was honestly fruitless if Tsukasa's energy wasn't present. Besides, he would tell him if something really was wrong, wouldn't he? He's always been much of an open book with his issues—always confiding in the three of them.
Rui doesn't realise he'd been caught up in his internal musings until the pedestrian signal flickers back to a stop; he'd just missed his cue to cross the road. The scarf around his neck is pulled a little tighter to protect from the cold.
It was nearing the evening, with the sky imminently becoming darker. Yet, Rui wasn't at home, as he usually would be at this time. His parents had sent him on an errand to the supermarket to retrieve an ingredient for dinner. Well, it was more of his own choice, since his mother and father were debating over who had forgotten to get it yesterday, and therefore on who should go. He had offered just to end their squabble.
An exciting adventure, indeed. The faster he completes this task, the more time he'll have to ponder over Tsukasa from the comfort of his room. Purely in concern this time, rather than how he would usually think about him.
Rui looks up, and the light displays green. Did he miss the sound of traffic stopping? How long had he been unknowingly waiting while he could've gone? Does he have enough time to cross over to the other side, or should he wait for the next cycle?
Eventually, he decides to risk it; taking long strides to the other side of the street. He turns back, and sees it flicker back to red just as he steps onto the pavement. Nice timing, he thinks to himself. Rui twists his head back forward—and clatters head-first into someone, making both of them fall to the ground.
It takes a few seconds for him to regain his bearings, before he scrambles off of the other person.
A reflexive apology tumbles out of him. “I'm sorry, are you alright—” Rui cuts himself off when his eyes refocus. “Tsukasa-kun—?”
The person who he had clumsily knocked over was none other than the object of his thoughts. Tsukasa lies there for a few more moments, before standing up to offer him a hand.
“Did you get hurt anywhere, Rui? It's getting late, why are you out at this time?” he questions, looking him over with such unbidden concern.
His hand is taken, and Rui rises to his feet. He takes the opportunity to inspect Tsukasa. The blond is clad in his running outfit; wearing the shoes and headband to complete it. It was absolutely drenched, matching his heaving chest and red flush on his face. By the looks of it, he wouldn't be wrong to assume he had just ran several marathons.
“I'm quite alright, Tsukasa-kun, you took the brunt of the fall after all. Just running errands, how about you…?” The question seems almost redundant, given his state.
He straightens up, replying, “I was out for a quick run. Even though we aren't in formal training, a star still has to maintain his body.” The proclamation holds less power than it would usually have.
Judging by the sheer amount of sweat on him, quick seemed like a severe understatement. If Rui were to guess, he would label it as at least a couple of hours. And knowing Tsukasa, he may have not even taken a proper break within that time.
“Isn't this quite far from your neighborhood, however? How did you end up here?” Rui prods for an answer.
“I just— wanted a change of scenery,” Tsukasa's voice wavers slightly, as if he's doubting his own answer. “It's not that far from my house.”
A slight frown unintentionally pulls at Rui's mouth. That wasn't certain at all, and definitely not what he wanted to hear. It sounded like he was hiding something; or at least not telling the entire truth. This wasn't the time nor place to confront him, however.
With a reluctant hum, Rui steps back. “Alright. Get home safe, will you? Don't send someone else toppling down today.”
His attempt at humour is poorly received, and he just chuckles awkwardly. Tsukasa gives him a goodbye in response, then jogs off in the opposite direction. Rui walks toward the supermarket, gripping his scarf with much more force than needed.
This whole situation was incredibly frustrating. Both encounters were passable on their own, but added together with his increasing detachment, equated to a stifling unease. One that makes his heart clench, and makes him want to turn around and chase the other into the night.
What is causing him to act so illogically? Why couldn't he confide in him about whatever this was? Would they ever go back to their previous relationship?
Rui just wanted to cure whatever malady Tsukasa was suffering from.
The rest of the week was uneventful, to say the least.
Tsukasa was outwardly avoiding him, under the guise of convenient Disciplinary Committee lunch meetings. Rui didn't bother to verify it, but two in a row seemed improbable. He was tempted to retreat into 2-A then to see Nene, but didn't want to overstep. Just because he couldn't spend time with his classmate, doesn't mean he should intrude on hers.
Currently, Rui was fixated on watching the clock hands tick closer to the end of the lesson. As soon as they're dismissed, he springs up over to the blond's desk. If he counters him now, then he would surely get answers, right?
A hand is placed on the table, and he flinches slightly. “Tsukasa-kun. You're not busy now, are you? It's after school, on a Friday.”
In one swift motion, the chair is pushed out and he rises to a stand. His head is slightly downtilted, as if he's purposefully making eye contact.
“About that—! Saki asked me to do something, and I can't say no to her, and—” he stammered, appearing weirdly jittery. “Anyway, I'll be off! See you on Monday!”
And with that, Tsukasa speedwalks out of the classroom. So much for getting reasoning out of him. Rui sighs, glancing at the door, then at the desk—
Ah. He had forgotten his bag.
Well, if Rui sprinted to the shoe lockers, he could catch him in time. Or, find him in the hallway if he had realised. He moves to pick up the satchel, but recoils within the first few seconds.
Why was it so heavy!? With a substantial amount of effort, Rui manages to lug it onto the table. He internally apologises to him before opening the main section. What awaited him was an array of thick, hardback books, most likely borrowed from the library. Novels, biographies, scripts—
“Rui.” Standing in the doorway was none other than Tsukasa himself. “What are you doing?”
He turns around, being caught red-handed. There's no other choice, but to prod at him. “What could you possibly need all of these for, Tsukasa-kun? You know, the library isn't going anywhere.”
At that, he tenses ever so slightly, a fist curling up. “I'm broadening my horizons. You said it yourself, that I should read a wider range of literature.”
“Yes, but I meant gradually; not over a single weekend. We don't have a show to prepare for, Tsukasa-kun. What's really up with you?” Rui interrogates.
He retorts defensively, “I can't get complacent, Rui, just because I have nothing to work toward in the short-term. Reading is a useful skill to hone—”
“You know that's not what I'm referring to,” he interjects, crossing his arms. “Your behaviour has drastically changed in the past week. Don't think I haven't noticed your disconnect from me.”
“Changed—!?” Tsukasa's voice rises higher in both pitch and volume. “I've done nothing of the sort!”
Rui calms himself, taking a breath in before speaking. “You're worrying me, Tsukasa-kun. You're acting recklessly, with little concern for your health. As your friend foremost, I need to know why, but additionally, as your director—”
“That's the problem, Rui—!” he shouts. “You're mydirector!”
The silence that follows is charged with intensity. He's caught off guard at his brashness, and can only force out a single word, “... Elaborate?”
Their eyes meet for what feels like the first time in years. “I want to become your actor, who’s worthy of your direction.”
Rui wants to argue, but he's shut down. “Don't try to convince me that I am. How can you, when I know that you've entertained the thought of leaving me for another!”
“... Is this about the ‘dream'?” he asks, still mildly confused.
Tsukasa nods in agreement. “You said it yourself, back then. The SEKAI fragments we experienced were made from our own emotions. I'm guessing you've contemplated something along the lines of: ‘What if Asahi-san was serious about recruiting you at the diner?’” Rui internally winces at the sheer irony.
“Maybe, I have. After all, ArcLand could facilitate my dream better, and as shown in SEKAI, I would theoretically be closer to achieving it if I did have the opportunity.” he ponders aloud. “However, I fail to understand how that concerns you, Tsukasa-kun.”
“It concerns me in many ways! If my acting isn't compelling enough for you to even consider the fact of directing someone else, I've failed you as your actor!” Tsukasa closes the gap between them, poking a finger into Rui's chest.
He continues to assert his point, staring at him with such beautiful determination. “If you, hypothetically, had to choose between having me or Asahi-san, I would want you to have no hesitation, and say with the utmost conviction that it would be me—!”
The declaration is so profoundly earnest, that it nearly distracts Rui from his initial qualms. “... What are you aiming to achieve by telling me this now, Tsukasa-kun? If you wanted to improve so badly, why didn't you come to me for help?”
“Because, I couldn't face you, knowing that I can't bring out the best in you!” Tsukasa heaves out, bringing his hand back to his side. “Seeing that alternative reality told me just to what extent I'm holding you back. If I was even half the actor Asahi-san is, you would have progressed so much more towards your dream!”
Rui rests his own hand on his shoulder, directly addressing him. “Tsukasa-kun. You're right; Asahi-san may well be the ‘better’ actor out of the two of you. Although, I don't think it's to the extent you depict it as.”
“What? I'm obviously outmatched—he has more experience, more technique, more stamina.” He's not convinced by his justification.
“How can you know that? The last time you last competed against him was with the role of Alfred; too long ago to make a judgement. Do you not think you've grown at all since then?” he defends with a stern gaze.
Tsukasa grits his teeth, unable to find a proper retort to that. Rui takes this opportunity to continue. “Besides, all of that can be improved on. We can work on it together. What I also think is unfair, is that you doubt yourself because I thought about him once.”
“Is that not a natural response? If I thought about someone other than you directing me, how would you feel?” he counters.
Rui pauses, then replies. “... I guess you have a point. However, to reassure you, I can guarantee I think of you at least 12,000 times more than Asahi-san.”
Tsukasa flusters slightly, faltering. “That's— I'm honoured, but you still haven't addressed my second point!”
“You're also correct on that, but you fail to consider my view. Without you, I wouldn't even be chasing this dream right now, so give yourself some more credit,” His hand moves to trace around the redness of his cheek. “I would have achieved more, but I wouldn't be nearly as ecstatic as I am now when I get to spend time with you, Emu, and Nene.”
“Rui…” Tsukasa leans into the touch.
“You didn't get to see my perspective of the dream. I had gotten closer to my ideals, but was disconsolate and felt like an outsider. My heart lies with you all, as Wonderlands×Showtime.”
He walks a step closer towards him, so that they're only separated by a few centimetres. “I don't plan on leaving you, let alone for Asahi-san. So, will you place a little more trust in me, Tsukasa-kun?”
With that finally settled, they leave school (not without Rui forcing Tsukasa to return some books to the library); both of them returning to their usual chatter.
A thought pops into Rui's head, and he voices it. “Because the SEKAI fragments are based on our feelings, does that mean you considered joining Mikazuki-gumi full-time?
Tsukasa sputters, speeding up to avoid Rui's scrutiny. “So what if I did, Rui! Kijima-san is a great mentor, and I wholeheartedly enjoyed my time there.”
“Hmm, now that I think about it, you did seem more muscular in that dream. Although, I didn't get to see the full effects of their training on your physique…” he sulks.
“Is that all you ever think about!?” he exclaims, practically sprinting away from him.
Rui chuckles. How could he ever want anyone else, when all he's ever desired is right in front of him?