Chapter Text
While he can't exactly put a name to what it is, exactly, Dewdrop is very aware that something has been off for weeks now.
At first, he had convinced himself he was just reading too much into things. He has a history of overthinking, after all. The most notable things throwing him for a loop currently is the fact that Aether had been missing band practise here and there as of late, on top of spending longer hours at the infirmary and returning to the Ghoul Den at later hours than he knows Aether prefers to — things he could chalk up to a simple case of the ghoul overworking himself again. He has an incredibly bad habit of overworking himself til he's dangling on the edge of quintessence burnout, only realising the extent of how bad its gotten when one of the pack pulls him away from his work and tells him to sit back and relax for once in his damned life.
This whole mess has been a constant itch under his skin, to say the least. Because this time, it feels wrong. But he's better than he used to be — or so he likes to think. Therefore, he isn't going to make his concern Aether's problem, given he's probably dealing with enough on his plate at the moment. Dew's own instability is probably the last thing he needs right about now.
It's late afternoon after a particularly gruelling practise (yet another that Aether had missed, for the second time this week) that Dewdrop finally decides to take a trip down to the infirmary to pay a visit to the ghoul that plagues his every waking thought as of late. Perhaps it won't even be to talk, maybe he'll just ogle Aether until he shoos him away with a slight flush to his cheeks. That always makes him feel better.
Upon his arrival, he's nowhere to be seen in his immediate line of sight. Which could mean nothing. Perhaps he's busy with a more private consultation. Asking around the other infirmary ghouls and siblings of sin comes up with nothing, however, other than mutterings of Aether hadn't been taking shifts recently, citing "personal matters" that nobody dared to pry into. It's not that the Quint Ghoul was scary to them at all, more so that they respect him too much to dare poke and prod any further than what they're given.
Dew stopped listening after they mentioned said personal matters. Personal matters? That Dewdrop — his mate, mind you — was entirely unaware of?
He'd slipped out of the infirmary without a word, the staff barely even batting an eye in his direction as they quietly gossiped amongst themselves. There's no anger from him, not even a snarky remark to make him feel just that bit more in control of this entire situation— which was very quickly slipping further and further out of his own hands. He slinks back into the shadows of the hallways of The Ministry, all the way back to the Ghoul Den, fully intending on spending far too long overthinking what the infirmary staff could have possibly meant by Aether's leave being due to 'personal matters' that he apparently had no idea were even happening.
The first thing he notes when he opens the door to the Den isn't the fact his pack-mates are all huddled into their common area (an unusual occurrence unless something was planned), but the unfamiliar scent that hits his nose — it's a mix of rum and honey, with an underlying hint of vanilla that's distinctly quint, but not Aether, which in any other context, would've been a rather pleasant scent. Alas, almost immediately does he connect the scent to the unfamiliar body he spots amongst his pack, next to Aether, and he can't suppress the low, instinctual growl that rumbles deep in his chest.
Heads turn at the sound, and Aether flashes a smile at where Dewdrop now stands in the doorway with a vice grip on the door handle, so much so that the natural heat of his palm has started to disfigure the metal and burn his hand. There's a glint of something he can't quite identify in Aether's eyes, and if he wasn't so angry already, he'd have noted that it was a look of concern.
"Dew!" Aether chirps after what feels like a lifetime of awkward stares that was in fact only a few seconds, "you're just in time. There's someone I want you to meet, come sit."
Dewdrop can't stop himself from grinding his teeth, holding back a snippy remark in response to the ask. He's better now. He doesn't do that kind of shit anymore, is the mantra that he repeats to himself.
Slowly, he lets go of the door handle, ignoring the nasty burn it had left in its wake from the heat, right across the palm of his hand. He can barely even feel it. While he goes to stand by the sofa, he pointedly refuses to sit, as though to make a point; he crosses his arms, tail lashing behind him in agitation when he gets a better look at whoever this new ghoul is, who is still far too close to Aether for his liking.
"We were waiting for you, droplet," Mountain chimes in. It's almost comforting to hear those words from another pack member who'd been topside for almost as long as he had. "Aeth was refusing to say anything until you got here."
It's childish, sure, but Dew only grunts in response, casting his gaze back over to Aether. His nostrils flare and he huffs out a small cloud of ash at the sight of the unfamiliar ghoul who's still sitting beside his mate, but he waits, ready to listen to whatever it is that Aether has to say.
Aether rubs a hand over the back of his neck, almost seeming nervous — Aether is not the type of man who gets nervous. His hesitant body language only serves to make Dew more agitated.
"I wanted to apologise for spending less time with you all recently. I know I've been missing band practise, but Papa tasked me with something important that's been taking up all my time, so," he pauses to gesture the smaller ghoul next to him, "meet Phantom! He'll be touring with you guys in my place."
The pack is initially silent, looking between Aether and Phantom, trying to decipher what he could possibly mean by that. Rain is the one to finally speak up after a few moments pass of awkward, quiet tension.
"You're leaving?" He means well by asking this, of course he does — Aether, alongside Dewdrop and Mountain, were the ghouls who had been there for Rain after his rough summoning and the weeks that followed it, so naturally, he's incredibly important to him. The wording of the question, however, only serves to fuel that prickly feeling Dew's had under control these last few months, ripping open old stitches and digging right back into barely healed wounds.
Aether is quick to wave his hands in denial, shaking his head, "No, no, not leaving! They'd have to drag me kicking and screaming back to the pits if they ever wanted rid of me," he says with a smile, dragging a hand through his hair, narrowly avoiding bumping his horns. Another nervous tick of his, Dew observes.
"I won't be touring with you guys anymore. I'll be here at The Ministry for as long as they'll let me stay, just moving to work in the infirmary full time."
Various chirps of acknowledgement follow the clarification, the pack soothed by the reassurance that Aether wouldn't be going anywhere, just taking on a new role. It'd certainly be a difficult adjustment for them all, those long months on tour without the backbone of their pack, but they'd learn to adapt. It's much easier now for everyone to move on and funnel their attention to their newest quintessence ghoul, Phantom; they're quick to crowd around him, various chirps and trills following as they poke and prod at him in all their natural inquisitive fashion. Phantom seems a little overwhelmed at the sudden attention and affection, but it doesn't take him long to lean into it, eagerly taking in the sounds and scents of his new pack.
Dewdrop, on the other hand, is convinced he's the only one hung up on this news, and he can't really determine how he feels, either. He's violently swinging between two ends of the spectrum: part of him is happy for the direction Aether is taking with his life, because he knows better than anyone that nowadays, Aether much prefers his quiet life in the infirmary over the hectic lifestyle that is touring with the band; the other half of him wants to be angry, if only to justify all this hurt that's burning a hole in his chest. The thought that Aether is leaving him behind for bigger and brighter things.
Satan below, Dew is so fucking angry that it hurts. Anger has come to him easily since his water was stripped away from him and fire haphazardly shoved in the gaping hole it left behind, almost like an utterly repulsive second skin. Being angry is easier than acknowledging the real reason this all hurt so damn bad. It disgusts him how quick his own mind is to betray him, to take a fact that any other ghoul would have viewed logically and twisted it into something so self-centred and bitter, but that would also imply that they had a level of emotional regulation to begin with, and that they also don't have an all-consuming attachment to their mate. Meanwhile, there are some days where Dewdrop is sure that his infatuation with Aether will swallow him whole.
Fuck, he hates not being in control. Both of himself and of his circumstances. He even startles himself with the guttural growl that escapes him when Phantom gets even an inch closer to Aether than he'd like him to be. The growl is loud enough to turn heads, but at least with that, Dewdrop can finally get a good look at who this new ghoul thinks he is.
He has eyes like galaxies, bright and perhaps even a little naive, and he's sure that they would be easy to get lost in if one were to look at him long enough. There's an eager expression on his face, though it's quick to drop to one of hurt and fear at the incredibly foul expression Dewdrop doesn't even attempt to hide.
His most notable feature is the mottled scar that spans the upper left portion of his face, and adding onto his somewhat scrawny build and slightly more youthful appearance (at least compared to the other members of the pack, who'd spent a fair bit of time in the pits before their summoning), one could easily piece together that Phantom had been the runt of his litter. Pit ghouls have been known to be particularly ruthless.
Despite such an experience being one Dew can relate to, much more than he'd ever admit to, it only makes him resent this new ghoul more. They're already so alike that it's no wonder Aether has taken to him so quickly. This is Aether's replacement in more ways than one. This is not only who will take Aether's place in the band, but also take Dewdrop's place in the hearts of both Aether and the rest of the pack.
The pit in his stomach only grows, something vile and bitter and raw. The last time he'd felt this way, it had not been a pretty outcome. After that, he had vowed to them all that as difficult as it would be for him, he would work on himself.
Fuck. Of course life had to throw more bullshit his way when he was finally starting to mellow out again, regain some of that ghoul he'd been before The Clergy had ripped that away from him and reminded him of his place as a servant to the church. It was his fault for ever forgetting his place.
"How is this fine to you?" he growls, grinding his back teeth in attempt to curb the urge to snap like a wounded animal. "He's fucking leaving us and turning his back on all of you. How are you so fucking spineless to be fine with being abandoned?"
Silence follows his outburst, not a sound but his own laboured breath filling the room. There's multiple pairs of eyes on him now, expressions ranging from confusion to outright concern; he doesn't miss the way that Phantom shuffles behind Aether to hide from him, his tail pin straight and shaking like a leaf. He clearly hadn't expected rejection yet topside, never mind such a harsh form of it — Aether had been very firm on his promise to Phantom that everyone would love him, that the pack were kind, welcoming, and would usher him in with open arms like he'd always been there with them.
Aether doesn't know what to say, either. He'd been prepared for Dewdrop to react poorly, but this is also exactly what they'd been working on together since his last episode all those months ago: emotional regulation, controlling his impulses and learning to self-soothe to quell his own anger. They had finally gotten to a good point, and yet it was so quick to come crashing straight back down that he can't help but wonder what he did wrong for it to burn to the ground this badly.
More than anything else, though, he's angry at him. What could have possibly compelled him to say such horrible things not only about him, but to also make Phantom feel unsafe too?
"You're an ass, Dewdrop, you know that?" Aether grits out, his voice eerily calm for just how angry he is, not raised any higher than it needs to be to convey his point. A spitting image of emotional regulation; a kick in the teeth to Dew's complete disarray. It only serves to stoke the flames burning up in his chest. "You need to calm down."
He's not even sure what to say to that — he's so angry that it's burning him, and if he stays in the vicinity of his pack, especially Aether, things are going to be said that cannot be unsaid. At the very least he has enough rationality left in him to only yell some general expletives to prove something of a point before stomping down the hallway, removing himself from the situation entirely. A harsh slam of his door follows, leaving the room in an uncomfortable silence.
The way that Phantom is still trembling behind Aether, his previously pleasant scent now turned sour, draws the packs attention back onto something of importance after processing whatever the hell had just occurred in front of them. Almost in an instant, the ghouls crowd him, his tail flicking with nerves in response before Cumulus is quick to shoo everyone away and gently guide him by the shoulders to take a seat again, rubbing a comforting hand over his shoulder as the young ghoul hunches in on himself, trying to appear smaller.
Before the ghoulette can even get a word in, Phantom devolves into barely comprehensible babbling, frantically waving his hands around in an attempt to justify his own existence, only to be cut off when Cumulus shushes him and gently places his hands back in his lap.
"We can't understand a word you're saying, bug," she speaks softly, knowing a raised voice or a tone that could be perceived as harsh in any way could send the young quint back into another spiral, "there you go. You can talk to us."
Phantom takes a deep breath, in through his nose and back out through his mouth — just as Aether had walked him through several times over the last several weeks — before restarting his sentence, much more put together this time around. "I'm really sorry. I mean— I don't know what I did wrong…? But I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did do—"
Cumulus merely shakes her head, testing the waters by raising her hand to hover over his hair for a moment, gauging his reaction for any sign of fear before running her fingers through it slowly. His natural response is to nudge his head back up against her hand like a cat, unable to deny the comfort.
"Phantom, love, it's okay," she soothes, her fingers rubbing comforting circles into his scalp, "Dewdrop can be a piece of work. We all love him to bits, don't get me wrong, but he has his moments. He'd agree with me if he was calmer right now. You didn't do anything wrong, I promise. Isn't that right, everyone?"
She turns to face the rest of the pack; there's somewhat of a stern look on her face, and while the pack aren't the ones who've done anything wrong, an angry Cumulus is something nobody wants to deal with, so they're quick to nod in agreement. A smile settles on her face before she turns to him once more.
"I'd like to think we're a lovely bunch, we wouldn't be angry at you for simply doing what you were summoned to do. We all know how that feels."
It's incredibly comforting to hear, but Phantom's head is still spinning — what on Earth was that outburst from the packs fire ghoul, Dewdrop, then? He voices as much, watching the way that Cumulus turns to face Aether for an answer, well aware of how he knows their little spitfire much better than any other member of their pack. Phantom turns to face him too, the sparkle in his eyes starting to make an appearance again.
Aether smiles, though it's strained, mind burdened by the thought of what had just happened. Quintessence ghouls are known for their ability to be much more tuned into others emotions compared to other elements, and despite still being new to his own abilities topside, Aether's feelings weigh on him, too.
"I wasn't lying to you when I said our pack would welcome you with open arms, I just… may have mentioned to mention Dew." He takes a seat on the couch adjacent, sighing as he runs his fingers through his hair. He looks much more exhausted than he did 5 minutes ago. "I promise he'll come around to you, he just needs a little more time than the rest of us to wrap his head around things. I thought we had that kind of thing under control by now, but still— I should've warned you beforehand."
He glances up when a hand is placed on his shoulder, looking back to Phantom once he notes it's just Rain, who's ready to take over the explanations. Rain is the other member of the pack closest to Dewdrop, so it only makes sense — Aether, Rain and Mountain are very well versed in every aspect of their fire ghoul. They're the only ghouls who still remain from Dew's earliest years topside.
"Dew just might take a little longer than the rest of us to come around to you. He has… a lot going on, and Aether is very important to him, so I'm gonna hazard a guess that the information of Aether staying at The Ministry full time and then having his replacement right in front of him didn't mix too well," Rain explains, taking a seat beside Aether and leaning into his side, a low, comforting purr rumbling in his chest as he addresses Phantom. The intended effect is working, at the very least — Aether's body slowly starts to release the sheer amount of tension it's clinging onto at the natural comfort.
"Our pack is as open in sharing as most ghouls are, but Dew and I are bonded, so I should've guessed he would take this a lot harder." Aether is omitting some pretty vital information with that — namely Dewdrop's history of emotional dysregulation, his territorial nature and the fact him lashing out comes as a shock to all of them — but Phantom nods, understanding the gist. He's just relieved that none of this was really his fault. It still stings a fair bit to be criticised for the job he was summoned to do, but Phantom is sure that if he had a bond so deep with someone as Aether describes his own with Dewdrop, he might feel a little threatened too.
Phantom smiles a little, and the sparkle in his eyes is certainly much more clear now that he's calmer. His scent has returned to normal, and his tail doesn't flick behind him with nerves, either.
"Well, that's fine! I'm just glad I didn't do anything wrong," he laughs timidly, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. He can't help but get a little embarrassed at the way some of the other ghouls chirp comfortingly at him.
"Still, that's no way to act, especially around someone who's still fresh topside," Aether shakes his head, "I'll talk some sense into him and get him to give you a proper apology. I'm sorry too, bug. That shouldn't have happened."
The younger quint chirps quietly in response, a less wordy equivalent of showing his understanding. It's not a topic that needs to be discussed any further at this moment in time; Phantom got his answers, Aether his comfort, and everything is just fine for now.
Cirrus' voice is the one that cuts through the silence in an attempt to lighten the mood, with a light clap of her hands together, "how about a little celebration? For Aether's retirement, and to welcome in our new pack mate."
"You make me sound so old," Aether grumbles, dragging a hand across his face, through he can't help but smile when he hears the stifled giggles of his pack in response.
"I can get started on dinner," Mountain offers, already up and about to turn to walk to the kitchen before Cumulus perks up, jumping up off the sofa and pulling a mildly bewildered Phantom up along with her.
"We'll join you! Come with me, Phantom— first pack lesson, Mountain's cooking is to die for."
If anything, Aether is just glad that Phantom seems much happier than he did ten minutes ago, eager to be pulled around by Cumulus and into whatever his new pack have to offer him. It's been nice to watch the younger ghoul come out of his shell — when he'd been summoned, it was clear he hadn't spent long in the pit, and the little socialisation that he did have hadn't exactly been pleasant, so seeing him blossom so quick warmed his heart.
A celebration certainly sounds nice, too. Maybe something like that will help bring Dew out of the angry shell he's putting up in front of them.
Don't get him wrong: Aether is undeniably still very pissed at Dewdrop. While he understands the issues that the fire ghoul suffers with (in fact, he understands better than anyone else, as both his mate and a quintessence ghoul), he's made it incredibly clear in the past that it's never been an excuse to lash out and hurt those who don't deserve it. If anything, it hurts a fair bit to see him fall back on so much progress in the blink of an eye, when Aether, alongside Mountain and Rain, have been putting their all into helping Dew learn how to cope better. It's almost like a betrayal, but Aether knows he won't feel so strongly about it for long, and that for now, he just needs to take some time to breathe.
In fact, perhaps this could be a learning experience for the both of them. Aether won't poke and prod at him while he's still volatile, and Dew will be the one to come to him and take initiative to apologise for his mistakes without needing prompting. Surely, they've done enough work since his last episode to get this far, at least.
Rain is the one to pull him out of his own head, his purrs vibrating through him as he presses himself that little bit closer. Aether raises his hand to run his fingers through the water ghouls hair, leaning in to press an appreciative kiss to the top of his head. He lets out a trill in response, gently nudging Aether away to pull him into his arms — to anyone else, the sight of Aether, a ghoul twice Rain's size, being held by him and resting his head against his neck as opposed to the other way around, must look quite amusing. But Aether is finally starting to relax, and that's all Rain cares about right now.
"Thank you," he mumbles, closing his eyes. Rain merely hums in acknowledgement, one hand firmly around his waist and the other moving to play with his hair.
"You think too much," the water ghoul finally responds, his voice low, "I can hear you thinking, Aeth. I'm worried about Dew, too. And mad at him. I'm really mad at him. But you have to take some time for yourself, too."
Aether knows Rain is right, as hard as it is to accept. Rain often tells him he's just as stubborn as Dewdrop, and as much as he likes to deny it, he knows deep down that it's true. At least for once he listens, knowing he needs to take a step back from it all and just let Rain look after him. Perhaps a short nap is in order while Mountain cooks up some dinner and the rest of the pack sets up their little celebration for tonight. Yeah, that sounds good.
He's out like a light in a matter of moments, soothed to sleep by the rumbling of a purr in Rain's chest and the fingers in his hair, and the other ghoul can't help but smile, if not with a twinge of sadness behind it. Hopefully, he stays asleep until things are ready, so he doesn't get the urge to busy himself helping everyone like he always does.
Aether is finally awake again just over an hour later, awoken by the smell of food and the clinking of cutlery being set out on the table. He lets out a few disgruntled chirps before sitting up as Rain chuckles at his noises, leaning back over to kiss Rain's cheek in a show of appreciation before he gets up to stretch and join the rest of the pack for the evening.
It's soon made clear to him that his earlier train of thought had been wrong when Dewdrop doesn't appear for dinner, despite the meal being a unanimous favourite amongst the pack. It becomes more worrying when he doesn't appear for the little party they put together, either — their fire ghoul loves a party. He loves any excuse he gets to drink a mildly concerning amount or get a little too high on whatever the strong shit Mountain grows in his greenhouse is.
And Aether really wants to enjoy himself, but he just can't seem to relax while he's still thinking about Dew. He knows the rest of the pack is worried about him when he turns in early for the night, but he's hyper aware of the way he's bringing down the mood by being there in deep contemplation, not socialising. He stands by his word of not being the one to seek out his mate first, but he doesn't complain at all when Rain slips out of the common area alongside him to join him in going to bed for the evening. He's hurting, too — as an experienced quintessence ghoul, Aether is incredibly tuned into his packs emotions, much more than he'd like to be at times, and he can tell he's hurting, even if the water ghoul doesn't show it.
They don't exchange words as they get into bed, holding each other close, just the mutual sentiment of 'surely, this will all blow over by tomorrow'.
He's officially concerned when Dewdrop doesn't show up for breakfast the morning following the incident. He can be a bit of a late riser, sure, but he gets incredibly moody whenever he's hungry, and he wouldn't dare miss out on breakfast nowadays. Any previous aversion he'd had around food had been worked right out of him with a lot of gentle coaxing from Aether, and the undeniably good food that Mountain cooks up. The Earth ghoul is already sliding a spare plate his way by the time the other ghouls are starting to disperse around the den when Aether is clearly getting antsy at the breakfast bar.
"Go," Mountain waves him off, "I'm worried about him too, Aether. Tell him there's leftovers from last night waiting for him, too."
The quint sighs, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands before nodding. He flashes Mountain a strained smile before he grabs the plate and the glass of water that'd been set down alongside it before heading for the hallway — this is really beyond just being petty, now.
Aether knows he's technically going back on his word, sure, but as much as it may often come off as Dewdrop being the more possessive partner between the two of them, naturally, Aether cares for his mate just as much. It just so happens that he expresses it in a much healthier way. Though, that had been something else they'd been working on, too…
He can't help his concern; while it's not something they've had to worry about for a good while new, Dew is known to be somewhat of a… risk to himself, for lack of a better term. Aether doesn't like to dwell on it much nowadays, hates the way the memories of the last incident still plague him when he's trying to sleep sometimes, how he has to double check Dew is okay before he can rest on nights like those, but right now, it's the primary concern that's been nagging at the back of his mind since he lashed out yesterday. For his own peace of mind, he just needs to know his mate is okay, even if he's still rather annoyed with his behaviour.
Dew's door stands in front of him before he knows it, daunting. He sets the glass down on the ground and takes a deep breath before knocking the same pattern that he always does, figures it'd help him right now to know who's on the other side.
He's about ready to knock again when minutes pass by with no response, not even the sound of footsteps behind the door, raising his fist again before he finally hears movement. The door is latched by its chain, so all the quint ghoul can see when the door opens is one angle of Dewdrop's face, but that's all he needs to see for him to know the other man is utterly miserable.
"Hey, firefly," Aether speaks with a controlled softness, as if he doesn't know what tone will make or break Dewdrop's mood or his willingness to let him in, "was starting to get worried about you. I brought breakfast."
"Go away, Aether," is all he says before he attempts to shut the door again. In a moment of impulse, Aether is quick to shove his fingers between the doorframe and the rapidly approaching door. He grits his teeth at the impact, and he's sure the bones in his fingers just let out a sickening crunch, but no matter. Just another thing to add to his list of things to be fixed.
"No," he grits out, trying to ignore the deep throb of his fingers. "Dew, talk to me. Why are you pushing me away?"
Dew wants to be mad at him, he really does. There's a deep ache in his chest that pulses alongside the beat of his heart, but all the fire within him is as subdued as it's going to get after yesterday. The anger has been extinguished by a deep sorrow, alongside a nagging paranoia that this is it, Aether is finally going to leave him for good. He'd figured he may as well leave him first before the quint ghoul can beat him to it and make it hurt twice as much for him.
He's silent for a little while longer; he doesn't have an answer for Aether, really, or at least not one that he can verbalise without his throat getting tight and his lips trembling in a rare show of vulnerability. While he lost the ability to cry real tears after his elemental transition, the sensation remains, and if anything, it's worse than actually having functioning tear ducts.
Without a word, he unlatches the chain on the door and traipses back to his bed, right back into the pathetic excuse of a nest he's made for himself to mope in.
Bending down to pick up the plate once again, Aether enters after giving Dew a few moments to potentially object to the intrusion, all the while channelling a fraction of his quintessential energy into his fingers to help ease some of the pain. He'll deal with the full healing process later— it's not exactly pleasant to set a broken bone back into place, after all.
He leaves the plate and the glass by the side of his bed, taking a moment to consider where to sit, before picking a spot at the edge of his bed. He keeps his distance in case the other ghoul gets reactive at the proximity — he can never really tell. Even after all this time, he still can't read Dew as well as he'd like to.
That's a mistake though, because of course it is; now the only thought running through Dewdrop's mind is that Aether is scared of him. He doesn't want to come any closer, treating him like a wild animal who could lash out and bite at any moment.
Fuck, would he hurt him? Satan, no, why would he ever even have that thought?
But… would he?
"Talk to me, spitfire." Aether breaks the silence after a few, long minutes pass with only the thick air of tension between them. Dew remains on his side, facing the wall opposite his partner, his tail wrapped around himself in a pitiful attempt at both soothing and protecting himself.
"I knew me leaving the band would be harder on you, I just realise now I should've told you before I broke the news to everyone else… But making that decision was hard for me too, Dew. Hardest decision I've ever had to make." Aether pauses to breathe, rubbing his eyes with the back of his non-injured hand. He hadn't slept well last night. "But I know you know that was no way to treat Phantom."
"He's replacing you," Dew mumbles, barely audible. The venom in his words is only surface level, a defence mechanism for when it all inevitably comes crashing down so he isn't the one hurt. Aether is painfully familiar with such behaviour.
And yet, he honestly can't believe what he's hearing. "What?"
Frustrated, the fire ghoul flips onto his other side and glares directly up at Aether, though it's half-assed with how visibly exhausted he is. Getting a good view of his face tells Aether all he needs to know, really — clearly it had kept him up last night, too. Must not have gotten a lick of sleep, despite clearly having gone to bed at some point.
"He's taking your place, and then we'll get back from tour in a couple months and you'll 've disappeared entirely. So much for bein' there for us forever, huh?"
Aether drags a hand through his hair, completely exasperated by the words coming out of Dewdrop's mouth. Fucking hell, that sure is a lot to unpack.
"Dewdrop," he starts after a moment, though he's unsure where to even begin with all of that, "never once did I say that I was leaving everything behind. I'm not being sent back to the pits, and if they tried, they'd have to drag me there by force— I know you know that somewhere in that stubborn ass skull of yours.
"I'm just not built for touring like I used to be, y'know? It's in my veins, but I can't keep up with it anymore. That's exactly why I've been training Phantom to be the next best thing to me, not to be my direct replacement. Satan, the thought of being replaced is nauseating for me, too."
He pauses briefly, before he adds,
"I'm not leaving you, firefly. Wouldn't dare think of it."
In an ideal words, those words should cut into Dewdrop's mindset like clarity, but he's already in too deep in his rabbit hole of every single way that he could return from their next tour and Aether will be nowhere to be seen, or he'd have found someone new, or this or that… He can't think straight, he just can't, and he hates it.
"Whatever," he hisses between gritted teeth, bracing himself for the moment that Aether finally changes his mind, realises he doesn't have to put up with this anymore.
He jolts when Aether growls at his response. He's never done that before, and fuck if it doesn't terrify him. Sends him skittering even further down the path of Aether hates you, he's just letting you down easy.
If he'd looked any closer, he'd find that the response was completely involuntary, because Aether's face drops at Dew's terrified expression and realising what he just did. "Fuck, I'm sorry," he shakes his head quickly, grappling for the words, "I didn't mean to growl like that, I didn't even know I could do that, I just— I don't appreciate you dismissing whatever I have to say, Dew, we've been over this before…"
He clears his throat, taking a quick moment to recompose himself once again. If anything, the ache of his fractured fingers keeps him grounded as he speaks.
"It was so difficult to decide to leave the band, okay? But I can't— Can't do all that anymore, I mean. Papa knows too that if I push myself any further, I'm gonna burn out, and we all know that quint burnout is not pleasant." Dew nods meekly in response to that, perking up ever so slightly to hear what he has to say.
"But even despite all that, all I was worried about was you, love," his voice pitches to something much softer, shaking his head, almost as though he's getting choked up just thinking about it, "I know you've been working so fucking hard to get better these last few months, and you're doing great, but— any time I was training Phantom, there was always this nagging thought at the back of my mind of how much this is gonna hurt you. How much it could set you back in your recovery.
"Ever since that day they fucked with your element the way they did, I can't stop thinking about what you're capable of doing to yourself when you're pushed far enough, it played on my mind every single time I thought about how to break the news to you. You isolate yourself like this whenever something goes wrong and it scares me every single time, firefly.
"And I know you wouldn't hurt me, but you would find a way to punish yourself for it — that's what killed me to think about. And now look where that got us, huh?
"But— I had to prioritise myself, Dewdrop. I'm sure you can understand why."
The guilt hits Dewdrop like a bullet straight to the heart. He's not sure he's ever felt this terrible in all his years topside, and that really says a lot, given the aforementioned incident during his elemental transition. His own actions from that time still haunt him, and the knowledge that they weight equally as heavy on Aether too hurts. He did that, he hurt Aether like that.
There's a gaping pit in his stomach and it's agonising, the all consuming type of anguish that eats a ghoul alive. At some point while Aether had been talking, Dew had started trembling, his jaw clenched uncomfortably tight, and it's not until Aether breaks whatever flow state he'd talked himself into trying to justify his own actions that he realises Dewdrop is crying.
He can't cry anymore, not technically— his tear ducts burned up with the introduction of his fire. But Aether has known Dew long before he was ever fire, and he remembers all the times that the man would cry back then. The way that he trembles, his lip twitching, how he blinks over and over again in an attempt to rid himself of tears that would never come. Emotions as a whole came much easier to him back when he was water.
"Dew…" he reaches out to touch his shoulder, hesitantly setting his hand down when he doesn't jerk away this time. He's not sure he's ever scooped the man up faster in all their years together, pulling him straight into his lap and holding him firmly to his chest within seconds of noting his body language.
"Just talk to me, please?" His voice is strained. The situation is stressful enough, even more so when factoring in that Dewdrop is his mate, and his own quintessence allows him to feel the other ghouls emotions so strongly alongside his own. The last thing he needs right now is to start crying, too. "I don't want to fight, firefly. Just wanna understand you. All I've ever wanted."
"I thought you were gonna leave," Dew finally grits out, his throat scratchy and raw even despite the distinct lack of sobs, holding them in. "Thought you were gonna fuck off and leave like everyone else fuckin' has, like Frits and Zeph did—" and that one stings, because a part of Aether is still mourning the loss of them, too, "You promised me you wouldn't and I wanna believe it, Aeth, you gotta understand that I want to trust you—"
"I know, I know," Aether soothes, running a hand over his back, encouraging him to keep talking, but perhaps to slow down and take a deep breath first.
"Didn't want you to hate me," he whispers after a moment passes to catch his breath, curling further into his arms.
"Never." Aether presses a gentle kiss between his horns. "Wouldn't dare think about it. Nothing you could ever do would ever make me hate you."
"And that's what I don't get," Dew stresses, "you should be sick of my shit and left a long time ago by now with the shit I pull. And yet you're still here."
Aether can only sigh, a smile tugging at his lips at the thought. He presses his forehead to the smaller ghoul's, channelling just a little of his quintessence though him to comfort him.
"Seems like you already understand, deep down," he speaks softly, but every word he says has meaning, "I'm not like anyone else, spitfire. You might think you're the one more obsessed out of the two of us— but you're as much mine as I am yours."
The fire ghoul swallows back tears that he knows won't come, and yet the urge is there regardless. Aether always knows what to say, even if it takes far too long for it to finally get through to him. The reassurance that he is Aether's, the exact same way that Aether is his… If that isn't cathartic, he doesn't know what is.
He can't help but laugh, mostly out of self-pity of just how stupid he's been. Aether shoots a confused glance at him, but he merely shakes his head, gently butting his head back into his mate's.
"Yeah, yeah you are," he grins, and for once, the surge of affection doesn't come as an all-consuming, double edged sword, something that would make him sick with the extent of his obsession. To him, that alone is a sign he's better than he once was, that this was a slip up that can be overcome— he's allowed to make mistakes. along as he atones for them.
The concept of atonement isn't to him what it once was, either. Before, it would have looked more like lashing out at his pack, self-isolating and self-injury — and while he ticked off 2 out of 3 of those things with this episode, he feels pretty damn proud of himself that he didn't quite reach that last point, though he won't deny that the thought had crossed his mind a handful of times. Now, atonement looks more like actually swallowing his pride and apologising to everyone, especially Phantom.
Which would still be incredibly difficult, but… Much less dramatic, at the very least.
Aether's hands move from his waist, and Dewdrop momentarily mourns the loss of touch before they cup his cheeks tenderly. Aether pulls him back ever so slightly just to admire that smile on his face, relief flooding his system knowing that his partner had well and truly taken his words to heart.
Though, Dew gets the sense something is still wrong even after all of that — he gently grips his wrist, pulling his hands away after a moment or two of cherishing the embrace to take a closer look at Aether's fingers, grin quickly replaced with a scowl as he notes the way his fingers on his left hand are bent at an angle that can not be healthy. He looks up at him, and the usual fiery spark in his eye is back, which is both reassuring and mildly terrifying when he's the one on the receiving end of Dew's doting.
"How long have they been like that?" he asks, voice stern. His intense gaze doesn't let up the entire time, and Aether daren't break it.
"…Since I shoved my fingers in the door so you'd let me in?" he responds feebly, his cheeks flushing dark with embarrassment now that he admits that out loud. It would have also hurt, sure, but why didn't he just shove his foot in the door? His fingers do not feel good.
Dew sighs, trying his best to ease the pain in his own way, heating his hands up just a little more than usual to gently press against his injured fingers. Ice would likely be more effective, but being cold isn't exactly something Dewdrop has the privilege of experiencing anymore, so this will have to do for now.
Aether doesn't feel a need to comment — he's sure that his mate can feel his appreciation with the way that his shoulders sag ever so slightly, and the smile on his face that doesn't shift. After everything that's happened in the last day, he's completely exhausted, leaning into Dew's touch as the other ghoul keeps a gentle hold on his fingers.
A brief glance over Dew's shoulder has him perking up, having forgotten he'd brought breakfast in for him. He gently pulls his hand away, a look of confusion briefly crossing the fire ghoul's features before Aether gestures to his bedside table.
"I brought you breakfast," he explains, nudging him ever so slightly to coax him to eat it, "Mountain was worried about you, so he made your favourite."
Dewdrop can't help feeling a little guilty knowing that Mountain had been worried about him, too — he's very aware the rest of the pack obviously would have been concerned at his behaviour, but the direct mention of it cuts a little deeper. He spaces out for just a moment dwelling over that until Aether is holding the plate out to him, quick to take it out of his hands and tear into his food. Fuck, he was hungrier than he previously thought.
It doesn't take him long to eat; Mountain's always been an incredible cook, so no way in hell would Dew ever pass up something cooked up for him by the Earth ghoul. He has to admit, he does feel much better after eating, which is only slightly embarrassing when he realises part of his bad mood had, in fact, been due to hunger.
Moments after he sets the plate back aside and finishes his glass of water, Aether scoops him back up into his arms, a dopey grin on his face as he pulls him down to lay with him. Dew chirps something along the lines of surprise before he settles, wrapping his tail around Aether's calf, face buried in the other man's neck.
"Tired?" Aether's voice is quiet, now, and Dewdrop supposes he can't deny he's exhausted when it was blatantly obvious from the second he'd walked in. He hadn't slept a wink last night, all the guilt and hurt eating him up inside too much to get even a moments rest. It doesn't exactly help that he hasn't slept without one of his partners to accompany him since his elemental transition — he's always been high-strung, but ever since that day, having someone by his side for company, even just to listen to them breathe as they sleep, the unconscious purring, has been necessary to ensuring he gets any sleep at all. He nods, stifling a yawn and holding on a little tighter to Aether's waist as the man hauls the both of them up and under the covers, running his uninjured fingers over his back soothingly.
"You should rest."
Dew shakes his head, tail squeezing Aether's calf slightly as he closes his eyes, voice muffled by a yawn, "talk t'me…"
"Talk to you?" Aether cocks his head in confusion, waiting for him to elaborate, but he gets nothing but sleep-drunk muttering in response. Guess he has to talk, then.
"Mount says there's leftovers for you from last night." He cards his fingers through his hair as he starts to speak, rubbing his thumb gently over the base of his skull, knowing it's the easiest way to turn his mate to putty in his arms.
"He have any of the good leftovers?" He cracks one eye open and smirks up at Aether, suddenly much more alert than he was just moments ago, bursting into a quiet fit of laughter when the man rolls his eyes, sighing.
"Sometimes I think you care more about Mount's weed than you do me, Dew," he teases, an easy smile on his face.
Dew shrugs, wiggling in his arms before relaxing again once he gets comfy. "Think we could both use it right about now. Might help with setting your fingers back into place."
"You know I have my quintessence for that—"
"And how's that gonna leave you?" Dewdrop cuts him off without even looking at him, eyes closed once again. Aether has to admit, he's humbled by how right he is.
"Touché," he chuckles, though it's rather ironic to agree with when he starts subconsciously channelling some of said quintessence through his mate to help him drift off to sleep.
He perks up slightly when the energy hits a "sore spot", so to speak— an injury, in regular terms. Dew's right hand. Instantly, Aether's mind jumps to the worst — that Dew had hidden a relapse from him in all their talks. He gently readjusts him despite his whining at being disturbed from such a comfortable spot, all to pick up his hand and get a closer look.
There's a nasty burn right across his palm, blistering and raw, and while part of Aether is morbidly relieved it isn't his usual form of self-injury, he still worries.
"When were you going to tell me about this?" he prods quietly, trying to not come off as forceful, while still reminding him of how important it is to treat his damn injuries. With how many times they've been over this, you'd think Dew would've learned his lesson by now.
"Hm?" He cracks open his eyes slightly once more, more peeved at being disturbed than anything, to look down at the hand that Aether is holding. Huh. That sure is an injury he didn't know he had. "Didn't even notice it."
Aether mutters something to himself, something along the lines of that being concerning but utterly typical of him, but Dewdrop is much too tired to process the injury nor particularly care about it right now. Aether is warm, and the quintessence coursing through his veins is making him awfully drowsy, and all his primal instincts can think of is that his mate is warm and safe and that he is so, so tired. He falls asleep while Aether fusses over the wound, doing his best to fix it, at least until it's mostly healed, bar needing a dressing just to be careful. Ghouls heal much differently than humans, but for his own peace of mind…
He finally notices the quiet breathing against his neck when he's finished, looking down and realising that Dew must've fallen asleep on him while he was so focused on healing him. It's nice to finally see his face free of tension, the way that he drools a little into his shirt from the deep sleep he's quickly fallen into — there's no doubt that it's partially due to the quintessence. It also means that Aether himself can finally relax, and he can't deny that he's exhausted himself, a mix of how hectic the last 24 hours had been and perhaps from overusing his magic, too, which feels awfully ironic, given Dew had just been chastising him for that not even ten minutes ago.
Digging his phone out of his pocket without disturbing the smaller ghoul, he shoots a message to Mountain, just to let him know that everything is okay and they'd talk soon, and another to Phantom, to reassure him that all will be resolved soon. His phone is set to silent and tossed aside shortly after, ready to curl up with his mate and finally get some well-earned rest.
He spends a good few minutes just staring at him, running his non-injured fingers through his hair slowly, noting the way Dew's lip twitches in his sleep at the feeling, but is otherwise undisturbed by the motions. Aether can't help but get lost in his own admiration; he'd been right earlier in telling Dewdrop that the obsession with one-another absolutely is not one-sided. He's sure he could stay here and watch the fire ghoul sleep for hours, if not for the heavy fatigue that weighs on his eyelids, drooping bit by bit before he's finally fast asleep, too.