Chapter Text
Burdock couldn’t breathe. Haymitch. His boy. His boy was going into the Games. He was never going to see him, to kiss him, to talk to him, or to hold onto him ever again. And they didn’t even let him say goodbye. They didn’t even let him say goodbye!
The reaping was finished so Burdock was one of the only people who hadn’t left the town square yet. He was too distraught to be aware of that. He was in his own world until he felt someone grab his arm and call him something he hadn’t heard in a while.
“Burdock Kelly,” it was Clerk Carmine, “Boy, come on. You’re okay.” Clerk Carmine was trying to get Burdock off to the side at least. He couldn’t be standing out in the open like this. Not with the Peacekeepers and cameras about. Burdock wasn’t being shot or used for Capitol TV about the reaping today. He started to lead Burdock out of the town square.
Burdock was still barely there. He felt his legs moving and Clerk Carmine’s grip on him, but his head was still spinning. He kept hearing Drusilla, in her scary yellow finch that fucked a peacekeeper outfit, repeating Haymitch’s name. Over and over and over again.
Before he knew it, they were back at the Covey house. Lenore Dove wasn’t in the house and Tam Amber was in the backyard working on something. He didn’t know what. Tam Amber did a lot of things, blacksmithing, which he was most known for, carpentry, just building and fixing things in general, and a lot more. Burdock was convinced Tam Amber knew how to do pretty much anything. He was always making or fixing something. It was just a Tam Amber thing.
Clerk Carmine opened the door and ushered Burdock inside. He didn’t trust him to get back to his momma’s in this state. He barely trusted Burdock to make the walk home normally, but the child had been going into the woods by himself since he was nine or ten years old so Clerk Carmine couldn’t get anything into his head now. Burdock was already hard-headed enough, so trying to change his daily ways now was like trying to get a fly to act like a mockingjay.
He ushered Burdock over to the ladder that led up to his room and whispered, “Burd, boy, you go up there, get changed, and then go to sleep. We’ll talk later, alright?” He knew for a fact Burdock had been up since the crack of dawn, and he would not be in a good state of mind right now.
Burdock climbed up the ladder, too aware of his hands on the wood and the socks and shoes on his feet and the wooden rungs under his feet. He climbed up into the loft that was his room and changed back into the clothes he was wearing earlier. He forgot how nice not being in reaping clothes was. He laid on his bed, counting the spots and spirals on the ceiling. One, two, three, four— he’d done this so many times before.
How dare he just lay here in his sadness as Haymitch was being led to his death? What kind of person did that? What was his problem? He heard Clerk Carmine walk away and he stood back up, taking a shaky deep breath. He opened the window and climbed out. The old drainpipe groaned. It was used more by teenagers sneaking in and out on it than draining water nowadays.
His hunting bag was still in the woods, as he had just left it before the reaping, so he had nothing to worry about with that. So were his bow and arrows, but those never even left the woods since having weapons was extremely illegal, but when did he ever do something that wasn’t illegal?
The woods were a welcome change in scenery from the crowdedness of the town square and the Covey house. His eyes still felt teary. He was never going to see Haymitch again. He was never going to see Haymitch again. He was crying now.
Haymitch was the only thing on his mind as he walked through the woods. Could it really have only been a few hours since they’d kissed here in these woods? Burdock guessed so. It was only four or five in the evening now, he supposed.
~~~~~~~~~
The game for the families of those reaped wasn’t much of a pain to get. He’d gotten a lot of it this morning. Though it’d be true evening by the time he got everything ready to give to them and made the walk. He also had some fruit and such to give as well. He did this when folks died to things other than the Games too, making sure the family could eat. It was half just to make sure everyone was okay and half to keep himself busy. He tried to ignore the second part though.
The closest house to where he usually left the woods was Haymitch’s house. He couldn’t face Willamae or Sid right now though, not after this, so to the McCoys’ house it was.
The McCoys’ house was in the same area of the Seam that Haymitch’s house and Burdock’s house was. As he neared the house, he couldn’t help but think of Louella. She was just barely thirteen. Just a kid. Well, everyone reaped was a kid but Louella was the youngest one from Twelve this year.
He adjusted the bag on his shoulder and sped up his pace to the McCoy house. He wondered how they were taking it. He barely remembered anything that happened after Woodbine got shot. Except Haymitch’s name being called. He doubted the McCoys were taking it well. You couldn’t take one of your kids being sent to their death well. Unless you were sick in the head, but Burdock knew the McCoys were pretty good folks.
The house came into view. Another rickety Seam house, just like all the others. He walked over to the porch, chewing on his lip. He really didn’t know if he could do this. He was usually a very social and friendly fella, and he didn’t doubt his ability to act halfway normal now, but what was a normal amount of sociability and friendliness at a time like this?
Burdock knocked on the door and stepped back. Would they even answer the door? It was only about seven in the evening. Most everyone but small children ought to be awake at this hour.
The door opened with a groan. There was Cayson McCoy behind the door. He didn’t look like he was having a great time. Who did after the reaping? Especially if your little sister was reaped. He nodded at Burdock. He’d seen the food the other boy brought to families of tributes.
“Burdock,” he said as somewhat of a greeting.
“Cayson,” Burdock said back. “Everything goin’ alright for y’all? Well, as right as it can go after… today.”
Cayson nodded, not meaning a second of it. “Yeah. As good as it can go.”
“Well, uh, I got some game ‘n’ shit for y’all. If ya want it.”
Cayson knew damn well they’d be stupid not to accept it. He squinted at Burdock though. He didn’t look good either. Both of them had lost someone important today. “What do you want for it?”
“It’s free. The least I can do from all this.”
“You sure?”
Burdock started unpacking the bag and handing things to Cayson. It was a good amount of stuff. “If y’all need anything, well, you know where to find me, right?” He looked up at Cayson. He saw him around at the Hob sometimes. Cayson liked his dice a little too much in Burdock’s opinion, but it wasn’t his life so he had no place to judge from. After a beat, Burdock nodded again, “Alright. I oughta be off. Gotta get this to other folks too.”
“Alright. You be safe.”
“You too.” And Burdock was off. He’d decided to go to the Callows’ next, then face Willamae and Sid on his walk back home. Then he’d go out to the Town to face the Donners in the morning.
The walk to the opposite side of the Seam gave him too much time to think. He couldn’t just start singing now. He was in the middle of the Seam and on reaping day at that. He couldn’t be whimsical right now. He just sighed and kept walking.
The Callows’ house was just another Seam house. Just like the others. Burdock didn’t know how they could fit all probably twenty of them in there. Did they all even sleep there? Would any of them even be home?
Burdock walked up to the porch and knocked on the door. He might be knocking on the door of an empty house. A lot of the Callows were at the Hob, betting after reapings. The door opened though.
It was one of the younger Callow boys. He looked about thirteen. He just stared at Burdock.
Burdock looked back and awkwardly smiled. “Uh, I got some game and food for y’all.”
The boy just continued staring at Burdock before speaking up. “I know what you are, Everdeen.” And then he closed the door in Burdock’s face.
Burdock just continued standing there. What was that about? He was so confused until another boy, who looked a little older but not by much, came back out.
He had his hands shoved in his pockets and was looking over his shoulder into the house. He looked back at Burdock. “I— uh, I’m sorry ‘bout him. Heard you got food though?” He glanced down at Burdock’s bag.
“Yep. Got it a few hours ago. Goin’ around to all the families of the kids who got reaped. Already been the McCoys, y’all were second,” Burdock explained. He started pulling the things out of the bag to hand to him.
The other boy took the food and gave an awkward smile. “Thank you.”
Burdock nodded. “Yeah, of course. Uh, but before you go back inside, um, what’d your brother mean by ‘I know what you are’?”
The boy just gave him a look. “I think you know what he means. You know, you and Haymitch…” he trailed off. “I’m not against it or nothin’!” He quickly defended, “But peacekeepers ‘n’ shit, man, they’re against it.”
Burdock knew that. Everyone knew that. That was the same reason that Clerk Carmine and his boy had had to keep it on the down low for over thirty years. Why Haymitch and Burdock could never get married or anything. Not like that’d happen now, considering everything. He just nodded. “Yeah, uh, alright. I ought to be off. Sorry ‘bout your brother.”
“Sorry ‘bout your… best friend.”
Burdock was off once more. He’d head home now. Well, not home but he’d start heading that direction, pass Haymitch’s house, deliver the food to Willamae, and then go home. He wasn’t really sure if home meant his ma’s house or the Covey house anymore. Going to his ma’s meant everything would be too quiet and going to the Covey house meant Clerk Carmine would be upset with him for sneaking out.
If Haymitch was home and not currently on a train to his death, he might stay there but— oh, Haymitch. He missed Haymitch. He didn’t think he’d ever missed something this much before. And Haymitch wasn’t even dead yet. Yet. That was a terrible thing to think. Was this what true grief felt like? He didn’t feel like this for his pa. But also he didn’t have any good opinions on his pa, so maybe that was why. He shifted his bag back onto his shoulder and started braiding and unbraiding his hair. Over and over and over again.
He made it to the part of the Seam he and Haymitch lived in. Just seeing Haymitch’s house made him want to cry and throw up at the same time. Where he was standing though, it reminded him of a very specific memory.
It was Haymitch’s tenth birthday, so Burdock realized it was exactly six years ago, and they’d spent the entire day together. Burdock had even stayed the night before. He did now realize that it was because Willamae had seen how bad his pa had been the night before and didn’t want him to get beaten to death, so she offered to just let Burdock stay the night and bring him to the reaping.
Nine-year-old Burdock had arrived at Haymitch’s, giggly and excited. It wasn’t the first time he’d stayed over at Haymitch’s, but it had been a while. He’d gotten his reaping clothes to change into in the morning and that was all he brought. If he needed a change of clothes, he and Haymitch were pretty much the same size.
Haymitch was sitting on the porch steps, waiting for Burdock to get there. He stood up and almost tackled Burdock in a hug as he showed up. They both got up and went inside.
“You can put your good clothes for tomorrow on my bed,” Haymitch told Burdock as they entered the house. “My ma said we need to just go outside and get all our energy out so we don’t stay up.”
Burdock nodded enthusiastically, not hiding his massive grin at all. Haymitch was grinning too.
A few minutes later, they were outside playing hide and seek. Burdock had run up the hill he was standing on currently and turned and stared back at Haymitch’s house. That’s where the memory came from. Oh.
He blinked. He finally walked up and knocked on the door, squeezing his eyes shut. When he opened them, Sid was standing there, eyes red from crying. Sid just stared up at Burdock.
“Hi,” Burdock started. “I think you might’ve heard me talk about this before but I’m bringing food that I got from the woods earlier. Just to make sure you and your ma’s okay.”
Sid nodded, “Thank you. Um, you can come inside if you want.”
Burdock thought about it for a little bit. “I’d love to but I gotta get home too. I can stay for a little bit though.”
Willamae called out from the back door. “Sid, who was at the door?”
Sid turned back towards his momma. “It’s Burdock!”
At that, Willamae came over to the door. The front of her dress was wet from some load of clothes she was doing. “Hi, Burdock. What’re you doin’ here this late?”
“I always bring my haul from today to the folks whose family got sent… well, you know. But I was already going to bring some to y’all even if today didn’t happen.”
Willamae nodded. Burdock had learned she just said what was needed and got straight to the point. “Well, alright. You ain’t exactly alright yourself today?”
Burdock paused. He could lie to Cayson and whatever the Callow kids were called, but he couldn’t lie to Willamae or Sid. “Not really. Ain’t doin’ alright. Guessin’ y’all are the same.”
Sid spoke up this time. “Miss him already.”
“Me too. You ain’t alone.” Burdock took a deep breath and just handed his hunting bag to Willamae. “Mostly everythin’ in there’s y’all’s.”
She took the bag, took what he said was theirs out of it, and then gave the bag back to Burdock. She knew he was a good kid. The only things she had against him was that he caused trouble sometimes and was the reason Haymitch was offtask that much. But he had a good heart. “Thank you, Burdock. You have a good night, alright?”
“Yes ma’am. And uh, before I go, just wanted to know, is there anything I can do? Tomorrow probably since I ought to be home, but—”
“Haymitch was supposed to fill the cistern this mornin’. Can you do that tomorrow mornin’? I’ve got an awful pile of laundry to do.”
Burdock nodded. “I’ll be here in the morning for it.” He looked over at Sid, “Sid, you wanna help?”
Sid nodded. “Goodnight, Burdock."
“Goodnight,” Burdock repeated. He turned and headed back home. Home today was the Covey house. Not his ma’s. He couldn’t go back there tonight.
~~~~~~~~~
Burdock and Sid filled the cistern the following morning. It was slightly less awkward than Burdock had expected.
After that, he headed into town with some things for the Donners. He doubted folks as highfalutin as them would want it but who in District 12 wouldn’t want fresh game?
The bell on the door dinged as Burdock entered the sweetshop. Merrilee was behind the counter. She was a lot nicer than some other Donners. She gave somewhat of a smile to Burdock. “Good morning,” she greeted, despite it definitely not being a good morning for either of them.
“Good morning,” he said back. “You might already know this but I bring whatever I get in my hauls to the families of… y’know… so I was wonderin’ if y’all wanted what I have. Ain’t the best ever but it works.”
“Well—” Merrilee started, but was interrupted by her mother coming from the back.
“Are you buying anything?” Mrs. Donner sharply asked Burdock.
He shook his head, “No ma’am but—”
“Get out.”
He scrunched his eyebrows together. “All I’m doing is delivering food?”
“We have enough food. This is a sweetshop.”
“Not like that. I meant that—”
“Out. We don’t need Seam trash stinking up the place.”
Burdock just stared at her, exasperated. How did you act like this while your daughter was in the Capitol being prepped to die?
“Out!” she screeched.
Burdock threw his hands up and left, huffing. That was bullshit.
~~~~~~~~~
Days passed. Burdock didn’t go to school. He rarely did but he couldn’t look at Haymitch’s empty seat right next to him every day. He kept close watch on the old television in the Covey house. Louella looked and acted off the entire time. Burdock wasn’t sure what was up with that. Wyatt died, Maysilee died, Louella died, and all the other kids in the Arena died. But not Haymitch. Haymitch was the Victor. Burdock could hardly believe it.
~~~~~~~~~
He was out on a late night hunt, or early morning hunt, he could barely tell the difference anymore. It was early August now. Haymitch still wasn’t home. He was starting to lose hope. Starting to think that they’d just shot him out back in the head after the cameras stopped rolling. Burdock headed back towards his part of the Seam. Everything was so sticky and humid. It’d been quite some time since he’d slept so he was ready to just get home, climb into his bed, and fall asleep. He smelt something though. Smoke. Not coal fire smoke though.
He broke into a run. Houses burnt down all the time in the Seam but still. He could see what looked like a fire. Whose house though? He sprinted over to where he could see the glow.
It wasn’t his house. It wasn’t the McCoys’ house. It was Haymitch’s house. And Willamae and Sid were trapped inside.