Chapter Text
Minseok always thought he was good with change. It was an easy assumption to make in their line of work, where the game meta was constantly shifting, forcing players to constantly think on their feet and innovate with new champion pools. Minseok relished that change, loved how it opened new possibilities and allowed him to explore the depths of the support role in a way that had already earned him the title of Legendary Genius Monster.
It turned out, though, that that sort of change meant nothing at all in the grand scheme of things.
Change, real change, can be so sudden and so gradual at the same time. The world could change between one day and the next, but the human brain was usually slow to react, the body even more so, leaving you feeling off kilter and off balance even as you struggle to keep walking. It was almost like swallowing a fish bone while eating, everything the same except for a sharp, incessant feeling of wrongness, a wrongness that you could never dislodge despite how much you try to cough it up.
Minhyung's leaving was that sort of change.
At first Minseok thought that he'd taken it in stride, only slightly surprised by the news given the year Minhyung had. Some part of him didn't quite believe that Minhyung would actually go through with it and leave, especially with the trophy they had crowned the season with, but it was ultimately Minhyung's decision to make, and one that Minseok could respect. He'd even managed to get through the team's farewell dinner without a tear, giving Minhyung his heartfelt wishes for his future with a smile.
What? This was sports, where players came and players left all the time. Minseok was a professional, and he would accept the cards he was dealt with. Plus, he knew very well that Suhwan was a fantastic ADC with great potential, so the change in partnership wouldn't be too difficult at all.
Or, that was what he thought.
Minseok must have played thousands of scrims by now, but he was still a little nervous for today on account of the person now seated next to him. This was Minseok and Suhwan's first proper session as a bot lane, and Minseok stretched his wrists, silently reminding himself of the role he had to play from here on. It wasn't his first time with a dongsaeng in the team, but it was the first time with one in the bot lane, and he would have to act as a good hyung to his ADC, one that would provide good guidance on their partnership without stifling Suhwan's opinions given their difference in age.
The difference is noticeable immediately as he slips on his headphones. Instead of the cacophony of voices that he usually expects from his team, the comms are mostly silent, with the exception of Moon Hyunjoon coughing lightly. Hyunjoon-hyung is still setting up, and Sanghyeok-hyung has his eyes closed in rest, while Suhwan has his eyes locked onto the game lobby, his fingers twisted under the desk as he waits.
Minseok doesn't know why he expects to hear Minhyung's voice next to his ear, yapping away about some trivial topic like the food that had been served today or the latest piece of celebrity gossip he read. Well, Minseok knows why he expects it, because Minhyung loved to fill conversations as though he was allergic to silence, but he doesn't know why he expects it, as though there was a part of his brain that was wired to always anticipate Minhyung's words, to receive them and get a witty reply ready to fire back.
Five years was a long time to be together, long enough for Minhyung's habits to leave an unconscious mark on Minseok's life. Minseok almost wonders how he had changed in those five years, how much of Minhyung's influence had been left behind. Maybe if you pulled up a photo of his brain today and one from 2020, there would be parts of it that have changed, his body shaping and changing itself to fit around the space Minhyung had made in his life.
Minseok shakes himself from his thoughts. Too sentimental. Way too sentimental for a Monday evening.
So he takes on the mantle of conversation, asking Suhwan about his weekend and his adjustments to the team so far. The awkwardness is broken slightly from there, the rest of the team jumping in on the topic with their little jokes and lame comments, and Minseok exhales slightly, letting the odd moment pass.
See? It wasn't as though Minseok felt nothing about the change, but he was able to handle it, to shake off his emotions to focus on what really mattered, in the here and now.
The scrims get started from there, and their team gets kicked into motion like a well-oiled machine. They start off their practice with a pretty standard team composition, everyone needing a little warm up before heading into the new season. They somehow manage to snag both Xayah and Rakan from draft, and it's business as usual from there, Minseok slowly easing back into the head space of competitive play. The first few minutes of laning phase go as expected, and Minseok is opening the rift like a book, lighting up the map with his wards and calling enemy rotations to a tee. Soon bot lane is rotated up top and Minseok is hovering mid at level 4, looking for a gank angle, when a notification flashes across the screen, telling him that Xayah has died to the enemy.
Minseok clicks his tongue in annoyance. That's not ideal. They would have to give grubs without a fight.
"Jungle was rotating up, it's too risky to push out the lane like that," Minseok comments clinically, already checking the enemy's items to see the damage done. They could capitalise on second drake being up soon, Minseok would just have to base and go with Xin Zhao there, get some deeper wards into the enemy botside jungle if he can manage it. He says as much to his team, and the jungler responds in the affirmative, but his ADC is still suspiciously quiet.
"Xayah, do you copy?" Minseok asks, eyes scanning the map while sipping on his drink. But instead of Minhyung's clear baritone, calling out cooldowns or evaluating their strength in the next fight, it's Suhwan's voice that comes over the line, slightly subdued.
"Copied, hyung," he says, and the whiplash is so strong Minseok's fingers flinch on his keyboard and he W's into the wall instead of over it, having to change course and walk the full way around in shame. Minseok cringes. He's so used to speaking to his ADC in short, curt sentences, expecting him to get on his wavelength and give a satisfying reply automatically, but now that he has even a moment to reflect on it, it seemed more than a little rude.
"Suhwan-ah, sorry if that sounded rude," Minseok apologises regretfully, unconsciously panning his camera top to check on how his ADC is laning.
"Not at all, Minseok-hyung," Suhwan replies easily, and yeah, he's a good kid. Minseok could do better to look out for him.
The scrims continue as usual and they start to experiment different styles and try new drafts. The block ends with a satisfying game, the kind where they sweep advantages with precise map reads and beautiful outplays, making Minseok's hands tingle and giggles bubble in his throat. When they finally take down the nexus it's to smiles and cheers from the team, and Minseok leaps to his feet, turning to his left with his arms raised in celebration.
No one is there to meet him. Suhwan remains in his seat, turning with surprise to look at Minseok, and Minseok realises belatedly what he had just done. He tries to play it off, moving his hands to comb through his hair instead, but there's a hollow feeling in his chest now, a space there that he hadn't even realised existed before. The part of him that gets too easily excited, that needs the physical grounding of a hug as an outlet for his energy, lies unsatisfied, like an itch he simply cannot reach.
Minhyung had always been larger than life. It made sense that his absence would leave a proportionately sized hole behind too.
Suhwan, to his credit, scrambles to his feet and tries to meet Minseok, but Minseok can only pat him awkwardly on the shoulder before turning to speak to the coaches, suddenly not in the mood for a hug.
The team is gathered for feedback and discussion, and it isn't until they are dismissed for a break before their next scrim block that Minseok gets the chance to speak to his new ADC, pulling him aside as the topside of their team ambles out in search of food.
"Suhwan-ah, how is the practice going?" Minseok asks earnestly.
"It's going good, it's really good," Suhwan replies, and Minseok wonders if he is imagining the nervousness there. "You guys are just as good as I remember. I'm learning a lot."
The humility is a fresh change from their team's usual banter, but give Suhwan a couple of months, and Minseok is sure he'll be flaming even Sanghyeok in no time. But that isn't what he wants to talk about.
Minseok swallows, wiping his palms against his sweatpants. There was a very big elephant in the room to be addressed here, and Minseok was very, very good at having selective vision when it came to elephants. It didn't usually fall to him to bring uncomfortable topics up, and he preferred to skirt around them as much as he could, letting the elephant grow until he couldn't get through any room without getting trampled.
But he was determined to be a good hyung now, and good hyungs were always honest. Hyukkyu-hyung had taught him that much, if anything.
"That's good, that's good." Minseok says vaguely, swallowing again before taking the plunge. "Suhwan, I just want to apologise in advance if I'm ever rude to you. Our partnership is pretty new, so I'm still adjusting to the change. It's not targeted at you or anything, I'm just… falling back on old habits. It's not an excuse, and I'll do my best to work on it."
Suhwan takes the words in without a sound, nodding to himself as he mulls it over. Minseok bites the inside of his cheek to stop from talking more, careful not to overwhelm him. In the end, Minseok has still chosen to tiptoe around the issue, even as they are both standing in an elephant-shaped shadow.
But Suhwan is smart, and definitely a lot braver than Minseok. He takes a look around the practice room carefully before he speaks, but it's only the two of them left here.
"Minseok-hyung, it's okay, it really is," Suhwan says in understanding. "You were with Minhyung-nim for a long time, and you guys have developed your own way of working with each other. I can't say I fully understand what you're feeling, but I also had my fair share of difficulties getting used to a new partner. So - so please be honest about how I can improve, and I will work hard on it. I really will."
Minseok ruffles his own hair, wondering why the air felt so much heavier now after the mention of Minhyung-nim. Without realising it, Minseok must have swallowed a fishbone, and every time he breathed his lungs pressed against it, the pain in his chest a constant reminder of wrong, wrong, wrong.
So this was what change felt like. Minseok didn't like it one bit.
Still, he plastered a smile onto his face, tearing his thoughts away from the past and keeping his eyes firmly planted on the future. He owes Suhwan that much. Himself too.
"You can be honest with me too, you know. Let's build a good botlane partnership together."