Chapter Text
Rain whispered down the cracked walls of the Amegakure hideout, thin streams of water tracing silver paths across the windows. The Akatsuki gathered in the dim, cold chamber, their cloaks swallowing the light and their shadows stretching long across the stone floor. Pain stood before them with the stillness of a statue carved from stone, his Rinnegan casting an unblinking violet gaze over the semicircle of assassins.
“I am sending four of you,” he said, voice as calm as the falling rain. “Hidan. Kakuzu. Sasori. Deidara.”
Hidan let out a bark of laughter, bright and jarring against the hush of the room. “Finally! A fun team. And no offence, Itachi, but the last mission was boring as fuck.”
Kisame chuckled quietly and shook his head. “If I remember correctly, you were enjoying the mission a little too much.”
Itachi didn’t bother to react.
Pain continued without acknowledging any of it. “You four will retrieve an artefact currently contained within an underground shrine. Once you have it, you will transport it to a cave I will mark for you. You will know what to do next as soon as you arrive.”
“That sounds vague as hell, un,” Deidara murmured, arms crossed tight across his chest, frown on his face.
“Vague means dangerous,” Sasori replied without looking at him.
Pain raised a hand, and the room settled into silence again, drawn back under his control like it was on a leash. “The artefact predates shinobi civilisation,” he said. “It was once part of an ancient sealing device, but its condition has deteriorated. Prolonged proximity corrupts the mind and the chakra network alike.” His gaze swept over each of them. “The symptoms begin subtly: headaches, irritability, disorientation. But the corruption advances quickly. In form of paranoia, hallucinations and violent emotional instability, as well as chakra discharge without intent.”
A ripple of unease moved through the group.
Deidara clicked his tongue sharply. “Tch, great… a fetch mission for a brain and chakra eating old magic thing? Why us, un?” He shot a glare at Hidan. “Especially with him in the lineup.”
Hidan scoffed. “What’s that supposed to mean, blondie?”
“It means you lack discipline,” Sasori agreed with Deidara. “A mission involving unstable chakra isn’t suited for someone who throws tantrums mid battle.”
Hidan lurched forward. “Oh, please. I’ve watched you and blondie work together! Like you’re any better!”
Kakuzu cut in, his voice hard when he addressed both Hidan and Deidara. “This mission requires stability. And the two of you are the least stable individuals in this entire organisation.”
Deidara bristled. “Say that again, you old-”
Hidan barked a laugh. “You’re just mad because you’re scared of getting your precious little hearts scrambled.”
Kakuzu shot Hidan a venomous look. “I’m mad because I know you’ll be the first to lose your mind. That or you’ll blow up the rest of us by provoking the bomb fanatic.”
Deidara almost lunged forward, proving Kakuzu’s point entirely. “You-!”
Pain’s voice cut through their quarrel. “The artefact does not only affect shinobi. It spreads its corruption through the environment. The land around the shrine is decaying. The trees are pale and brittle. The soil has become a gray powder. Animals caught inside the affected radius become unstable; either aggressive to the point of madness or unresponsive as if hollowed out.”
Konan unrolled a map, tapping a marked region. “Our scouts observed deer running in circles until collapse. Birds attacking their own shadows. Wolves standing motionless for hours. Some shinobi developed lesions along their chakra coils closest to the skin. It seems to rot chakra itself.”
Pain nodded. “The artefact is buried beneath the Drowned Ossuary Shrine. The building is partially collapsed, partially submerged. The corruption is already spreading beyond its walls, but its strongest at it’s centre. Anyone who has entered without proper defenses was either lost or rendered unusable.”
For a moment, Sasori’s eyes reflected a glint of morbid fascination. “How unusable?”
“Beyond recovery,” Konan said simply.
Hidan laughed, delighted. “Sounds fucking fun.”
Sasori regarded him with the flat, disappointed stare of a man forced to acknowledge a distant, very much unliked relative. “Only you would describe chakra decay as fun.”
Kakuzu sighed, weary in a way that suggested he had lived far too long and seen far too much idiocy. “And that,” he said, “is exactly why this team is poorly chosen.”
Hidan’s grin widened. “You’re just too scared. Pussy.”
Kakuzu glared, already regretting his existence. “I’m worried you will walk straight toward the thing out of curiosity and ruin the whole mission.”
“Jealous because it can’t kill me?”
“It’s not jealousy,” Kakuzu said with dangerous calm. “It’s frustration.”
Before Hidan could retort, Deidara inserted his own worries. “I definitely shouldn’t be on this mission! My chakra control is delicate. If hallucinations mess with my clay-”
Spurned on by the bickering tension hanging in the room Sasori interrupted. “You already lose control without hallucinations.”
Deidara sputtered. “You want to say that again to my face, you wooden creep?”
Hidan jumped in, eager to pour gasoline on the fire. “Yeah, Sasori, say it again! Blondie gets real cute when he’s pissed.”
Kakuzu groaned. “Why don’t you send someone more competent? Anyone but these two liabilities.”
At that, Hidan immediately bristled, stepping closer. “And who may that be? Itachi? You think Itachi should go instead?” Hidan shot back. “Oh sure, go ahead, just volunteer yourself to team up with the Uchiha again! Want his pretty eyes watching your back, huh?” His tone was mocking, but there was something sharp under it.
“That’s not what I-” Kakuzu tried to defend himself, but Hidan wouldn’t let him finish.
“Don’t lie!” Hidan’s eyes narrowed, jealousy flashing. “Can’t go five minutes without drooling over another's partner, huh?”
Kakuzu stared at him, incredulous. “What the hell are you talking about?”
The tension snapped through the air like static. Even Deidara took a step back from the two, wary that their argument might escalate into violence before they’d even left the room.
Pain let the silence build, heavy and suffocating, until all four of them felt the pressure behind his gaze. “I chose you,” he said slowly when their attention eventually returned to him, “because together you stand the greatest chance of surviving.” His voice reverberated, shutting down every argument at once. He stepped forward. Sasori shifted, listening. “Sasori’s puppet body resists the corruption better than any other member here. He can remain rational when the rest of you begin to slip.” Sasori dipped his head the slightest bit in acknowledgment. “Kakuzu’s multiple hearts and stitched physiology give him a greater buffer against chakra decay. Should the artefact attack his chakra network, he will recover faster than any of you.” Kakuzu grunted, but didn’t argue. “Hidan is immortal. Even if the artefact lashes out violently, he will endure what others cannot.” Hidan smirked triumphantly, making Deidara scoff. “And Deidara,” Pain finished, “is required for eliminating pursuers without damaging the artefact. His precision with explosives is unmatched. Enemies will undoubtedly intercept you. You need to keep them at as big of a distance as you possibly can.” Deidara managed not to look smug, but only barely.
“As for Itachi and Kisame,” Pain turned slightly toward the pair, then back to Kakuzu, “they cannot be reassigned. Their mission is already in motion and requires their specific set of skills.”
Hidan muttered, satisfied. “Good.”
Kisame shrugged, looking almost apologetic. “Sorry, Kakuzu. Looks like you’re stuck with your own partner.”
Kakuzu exhaled, irritated. “Very well. But if either of them jeopardises this mission-”
“Jeopardise?”, Hidan cut him off instantly. “The first idiot here who’s gonna fall apart is you. Those dumb hearts of yours won’t last ten minutes in a creepy, rotting shrine.”
“Yeah!”, Deidara agreed, “You’re the one who’ll go insane first, un! This is literally the worst mission for someone with your temperament.”
The argument threatened to flare again. But Pain’s voice sliced through the tension. “This artefact is volatile. It will attack your minds. Your chakra. Your wills. You will retrieve it. You will bring it to the marked cave. And you will not fail. You will complete this mission. Or you will not return at all.” His voice resonated emotionless and absolute.
Silence followed. Heavy and final.
Konan stepped forward, placing a scroll on the table. “Coordinates, structural layout of the shrine, and expected resistance. You leave at dawn.”
As they turned to leave, Hidan leaned closer to Kakuzu with a smug whisper. “Looks like we’re stuck together again, partner.”
Kakuzu didn’t even look at him. “Unfortunately.”
Kisame couldn’t help but giggle at the bickering. “Trouble in paradise, huh?”
Pain’s gaze passed over the four chosen men, lingering like a quiet warning. He already wondered how he could replace them. Not if but when necessary.