Chapter Text
As much as the first few months of college are lonely, eerily quiet, they’re also a breath of fresh air. Kyuhyun no longer has his parents breathing down his neck, ready to strike him for any slightest display of emotion. Like he’s some sort of fucking robot. Getting out of that house has completely transformed his life.
Saved it.
“Do you wanna meet for this group project, or just text?”
His classmate looks at him expectantly, and Kyuhyun’s pulse speeds up. This is what he’s not used to; having to socialise. He’s like a feral dog, timid, terrified, and people treat him like he might bite. Perhaps they sense his hesitation, smell his fear.
The silence stretches a little too long, and he feels that familiar pit of shame boil in his stomach. It is so humiliating to be so unsocialised at this age. He’s 18, toddlers have better social skills than him.
“Texting is fine.”
He wants to make friends, but he’s pretty sure that’s not in the cards for him. Everything he’s read online tells him to put himself out there, be open, be himself. He’s not even sure how to be himself, what that means. So much of his life has been a finely tuned performance, the perfect portrayal of stoic.
His whole life he’s been taught connection makes you weak, that it’s dangerous. He has very little hope that he is going to unlearn any of this. It’s fine, he’s used to isolation, but the older he gets, the harder it is to handle. The first 17 years were really fucking tough, he’s meant to do this for another 60ish years? 60 more years of being unloved, lonely, completely uncared for? That sounds unbearable, he’s not sure he’ll survive that. However, if Kyuhyun knows one thing about himself, it’s that he is patient. He has waited an entire lifetime for the miracle of connection, maybe he can wait a lifetime longer.
—
After checking for a third time that he does indeed have money on his student card, Kyuhyun has decided it’s these stupid library printers malfunctioning. He just wants to print off lecture slides, 10 double sided pieces of paper. He didn’t come here to battle with a machine.
“You gonna be here all day? Or will other people get a turn?”
A sharp, loud voice snaps behind him, dripping with theatrical dismay. Kyuhyun is already sick of the guy. He turns around to see a tall, pretty boy with terrible fashion sense. Pink anime top and red pants, the type of outfit only someone that beautiful gets away with. What an asshole. Kyuhyun can’t think of anything to say, so he just scowls, rolling his eyes and turning back to the printer. Hopes the jackass gets the picture, ‘leave me alone’.
Surprisingly, the man just laughs, bright and infectious. The sound loosens something in Kyuhyun’s chest that he didn’t know was tight.
“Joking! There’s like 20 printers in here. The name’s Heechul, but most people just call me Chul. What’s your name?”
Heechul holds out his hand to shake, Kyhyun pointedly ignores it, crossing his arms instead.
“Kyuhyun.”
Heechul beams at him, seemingly unphased by the handshake rejection.
“Well, nice to meet you, Kyuhyun. Give me your number?”
He says it with such force, leaving no room for argument.
“What?”
“Your number. Now.”
Not even a question, a demand. Kyuhyun has no fucking idea why this guy wants his number.
“Why? You trying to scam me? Get me into drug dealing-“
“I want to be your friend.”
Kyuhyun is stunned into silence. The whole situation is so absurd that he can’t even begin to make sense of it. So instead, he takes Heechul’s phone and puts his number in. Heechul texts him, and watches as Kyuhyun saves his number, grumbling when he saves it as ‘Heechul’, lamenting about the “lack of emojis”. It is ridiculous, and strange, and… warm. Heechul seems immune to Kyuhyun’s blunt, harsh exterior. Kyuhyun isn’t sure what to make of it.
Heechul beams at him, waves goodbye, and saunters off to a free printer, leaving Kyuhyun’s head spinning.
—
Leaving the library, Heechul is pretty sure that Kyuhyun guy is never going to respond to a single text he sends him. He’s not even sure why he bothered asking, he just felt compelled to. His original plan was just to ask the kid if he was ok. He just had this heavy, suffocating energy, so withdrawn. Like someone on the verge of collapse, someone desperate for a support system. Break the ice, ask if he’s okay, ask if he had anyone to help him.
Then Kyuhyun scowled at him.
The expression was completely unfiltered, pure, unadulterated annoyance. Fucking hysterical. Once he saw that, Heechul couldn’t NOT try to befriend the guy. He loves a challenge. Heechul is someone who has learnt to trust his gut, even if he ignores this sometimes. Point is, his intuition is great. If it’s telling him to approach someone, get their number, try to establish a friendship, it’s for good reason.
They could probably be really good friends.
Heechul is insistent, and when he wants something, he will work tirelessly to get it. Kyuhyun can ignore his texts all he likes, Heechul will find a way to befriend him, one way or another.
Probably.
—
Over the past 3 days, Kyuhyun must have received 50 texts from Heechul.
Heechul: Kyuhyun reply to me
Heechul: stop being laaaaaammmeeee
Heechul: I’ll even buy you lunch :D Pls…. reply
Read 1745.
Yeah, Kyuhyun hasn’t replied to a single one. He doesn’t know what to say, and he knows that the moment he starts texting back, Heechul is going to see there is no worth in Kyuhyun. It won’t take him long to realise he’s a total waste of fucking space. Then Kyuhyun will be left with a gaping hole in his chest where his first attempt at connection once was. Still, maybe he should try?
Kyuhyun: What do you want?
Heechul: YAY YOU FINALLY RESPONDED TO ME!
Kyuhyun feels a strange sense of amusement bubble up in his chest. Such an exaggerated level of enthusiasm. It’s strangely endearing.
Heechul texts him 3 paragraphs ranting about one of his high school friends. It’s dramatic, ridiculous, almost charming. Heechul has this way with words that makes everything seem both scathing and warm. Like he never really has anything bad to say about people. It’s comforting, safe, and Kyuhyun finds himself texting back.
Until an hour later, when he realizes he’s just had a (over text) conversation with someone the longest he ever has, and he enjoyed it. Heechul is witty, funny, and sweet. He’s the first person to show Kyuhyun this level of kindness, give him a taste of connection.
Heechul: Pls pls pls pls come over to my dorm to hang outttttttt, talking irl is way better. pleaseeeeeeeeee?
The idea of doing this in person is daunting, Kyuhyun at least has a chance to think of half decent responses over text, in person there’s time pressure. He has to watch his face, his body language, his tone. He’s not one to stray out of his comfort zone, but for some reason, as much as he’s terrified, his brain is screaming at him to accept the invitation.
Kyuhyun: Ok. Tell me when and where.
—
Walking to Heechul’s dorm building, Kyuhyun is petrified. His hands are shaking, and his heart is pounding so hard he’s afraid his ribs are going to break. Kyuhyun has never had friends, never had the experience of going to someone’s place to… just exist together?
This connection he’s built with Heechul, he is so terrified will shatter the moment Heechul realises there isn’t much more to Kyuhyun than meets the eye. He’s just as boring, dull, reserved deep inside his soul as he appears, he’s not hiding anything.
(He’s hiding a lot.)
He’s used to loneliness, but now that he’s had this taste of friendship, he’s not sure he can go back to nothingness.
He raises his hand to knock, hesitates, takes a deep, shaky inhale. Finally, he knocks.
“COMING!”
Heechul yells it so loudly you wouldn’t think there was a thick, heavy hardwood door between them. Finally, the door swings open, revealing Heechul. Damp hair, thick glasses, even uglier anime shirt, and polka dot pants. An absolutely atrocious look, and yet Heechul still looks pretty. A slight flash of envy runs through Kyuhyun, it must be nice to still look gorgeous trying that little.
“What the hell are you wearing?”
Heechul looks down at himself, before laughing, tilting his head back in glee.
“What? Like you’re any better, mr hoodies and jeans. Boring! At least I have some individual flare.”
He steps aside for Kyuhyun to come in, he enters hesitantly, unsure if he’s really allowed to be here. Heechul flops down on the couch, patting the seat next to him. Kyuhyun sits down cautiously, and the older man begins to talk. Kyuhyun just listens, soaking in how nice it feels to be in the presence of someone who actually wants him there.
Heechul’s phone buzzes.
Buzzes again.
And again.
After the 5th time Kyuhyun is pretty shocked Heechul isn’t even acknowledging it. Shouldn’t he check it?
“Who is blowing up your phone?”
Heechul sighs, picking up his phone, rolling his eyes, and tossing it back on the couch, entirely unimpressed.
“Ugh, just my boyfriend. He’s such a needy, jealous asshole. Won’t text me for 2 days but when HE wants me, if I don’t reply instantly he gets so mad. He’s blowing up my phone calling me a manipulative, evil bitch because I didn’t text him back in 0.1 seconds.”
Kyuhyun raises an eyebrow. That sounds entirely toxic. Weirdly, this protective surge courses through him, and he’s suddenly pissed off at this so called boyfriend. Heechul is really nice, and deserves a lot better than that.
“How long have you been with this loser?”
Heechul lets out a shocked laugh, before sighing.
“Like, 6 months, but I haven’t seen him in ages. The asshole can’t even drive for an hour to see his boyfriend, then when I call him out he switches to ‘oh baby I love you, I’m sorry’. He drives me crazy. In his defence I’m sure it’s no walk in the park dating me.”
That makes Kyuhyun frown. He doesn’t like the insinuation that Heechul deserves this, empty words and a boyfriend that does nothing but make him sigh. Heechul is clearly unhappy, he never once mentioned his boyfriend until just now.
“Do you love him?”
Heechul shrugs.
“I… don’t know. I guess so.”
Advice and comfort are so not Kyuhyun’s forte, but words leave his mouth before he has a chance to think about them.
“I’m no expert on love, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t love you. Wouldn’t he show it through actions?”
It comes out much blunter than Kyuhyun means, and he’s afraid Heechul is going to be offended, or mad, or tell him to leave. Instead he is quiet for a moment, looking thoughtful, before grabbing his phone.
“Fuck, you’re right. Wait here, I’ll be back in a moment.”
Heechul shuts the bedroom door behind him, and before long he can hear Heechul yelling, words muffled but tone unmistakably angry. After 5 minutes, he comes back out, eyes unmistakably red.
“Well, I finally ended it. I ignored his fake ass ‘I love you’s’, even blocked his number. It’s over, finally.”
He sits back down on the couch heavily, running a hand over his face.
“Shit, you good?”
Heechul sniffs, looking like a kicked puppy. Kyuhyun wishes he knew how to make this feel better for him.
“Yes and No. I’ll miss being able to pretend someone loves me. Who knows, maybe I’ll find someone who really does love me.”
He says the last part like a joke, laughing without humour. Kyuhyun is lost for words. He has nothing to say, nothing to offer Heechul that could make him feel any better.
“Do you like bubble tea? I know a good place, I will buy us bubble tea.”
He expects Heechul to sigh, or roll his eyes, or a disappointed look. Instead his face lights up, gentle smile and bright eyes. He nods, reaches out towards Kyuhyun before stopping and retracting his hand.
“I love bubble tea.”
—
The next day, Kyuhyun is woken by his phone vibrating. This time not a text, a phone call. Huh.
“Hello-“
“Kyuhyun, you gotta come meet the rest of my friends-“
Any lingering sleepiness dissolves, Kyuhyun sits up straight in bed.
“Absolutely not, Heechul.”
The older man sighs on the other end of the line.
“I knew you’d say that, hear me out! You’re really cool Kyuhyun, and I think you’d get along with my friends. If it for some reason goes badly you’ll never have to see them again and we can just hang out alone, but can you just trust me a little?”
The breath is knocked from Kyuhyun. That is the single nicest thing anyone has ever said to him. ‘You’re really cool’, in what world would anyone think that about him? His mouth is dry, his throat feels tight, but he manages to croak out a response.
“Fine.”
—
He remembers reading some quote online, about how change is scary, something like that. Kyuhyun has always thought that sounds like bullshit. Fear is meant to deter you from harm, right? So how could it lead to anything good? Either way, he’s testing that theory today. Kyuhyun has been scared a lot in his life, his home life never gave him a second to relax, but this has to be top 3 scariest moments.
He knocks on the door anyway.
Heechul opens the door, grinning when he sees him.
“Kyuhyun! Come in! I’ll introduce you to everyone.”
Kyuhyun follows him inside like a lost puppy, unable to look at the group.
“Everyone, this is Kyuhyun, the poor guy I forced to give me his number in the library. This is Ryeowook, Donghae, and the idiot stacking cards in the corner is Hyukjae.”
Kyuhyun mumbles hello to the group, awkwardly sitting down on the couch. Something about Hyukjae makes his chest hurt, he’s beautiful in a confusing way. They’re all objectively very attractive, but for some reason Hyukjae feels different. Maybe it’s the dopey look on his face as he fails at making a card tower. Maybe it’s his big, bright eyes and pouty lips.
The group is loud, and a little chaotic, the intensity is a little overwhelming at first. This is not the kind of group someone like Kyuhyun could ever belong to.
“Then Kyuhyun made me break up with my boyfriend.”
Kyuhyun rolls his eyes, flipping Heechul off.
“Suck my dick Heechul, I did you a favour.”
Heechul gasps, then winks at Kyuhyun, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.
“Well now that I’m single-“
Kyuhyun cuts him off with a whack to the shoulder. Hyukjae bursts out laughing.
“Get him, dude. He’s relentless with the flirting, drives me crazy.”
Maybe Kyuhyun is more at home here than he thought.