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“THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A VACATION!”
Namjoon looks appropriately contrite but Jin is still about to lose his fucking mind.
“You told me to come over and I came cause I missed you and now you're telling me this shit and you expect me to go along with it?”
Hoseok has to physically stop Namjoon from nodding.
Jin's absolutely had it.
He's done.
“I'm leaving.” He says and goes over to his still unpacked suitcase and puts it upright. “Going home and I'll stay there. Call someone else for bail money.”
Jungkook stands in his way.
“Just hear him out, hyung.” He pleads then wheezes because Jin stabs him in the ribs.
“Hyung!” Yoongi yells, and that's a bit uncharacteristic. It gives him pause. “It's going to work.”
“Yeah” Taehyung perks up. “Their security system is a bit shit.”
And the fury is back.
“WE'RE RETIRED!” he yells. He knows his face is red. “Have been for the last six years! And it's been good! I'm not fucking that up over something so trivial!”
Six pairs of eyes blink at him.
“You told me yesterday you were bored.” Jimin says. The little shit.
“The solution is to find a new hobby, not to go back to an old, potentially dangerous one.” Jin huffs.
“I just thought you might have fun with it.” Namjoon says, softer. He's giving Jin that dimply smile.
“FINNNEEE!” he says and drops his bags again. Jungkook and Jimin are already whooping and Yoongi is smiling his smug little smile. “Tell me the plan and then I'll decide.”
Namjoon looks guilty again.
“What?”
“Before you freak out-” Hoseok says and Jin gets up and picks his bags up again. If Hoseok is telling him not to freak out then there's probably 56 reasons for them to freak out. Jungkook blocks the door again. “We did all the planning and everything and there's no better day than today.”
Jin's pretty sure he heard him wrong.
But, judging by all the varied guilty expressions in the room and not a single person who can look him in the eye - he heard right.
“When?” Jin asks and he knows exactly how menacing he sounds.
“In an hour!” Taehyung says, perky as ever.
Jin takes a nice long breath.
“I swear it will work, hyung.” Namjoon says hastily, like he's trying to diffuse a bomb. “We’ve thought of everything.”
Jin believes him, but he still wants to be pissed.
“I wanted to see the Eiffel Tower, Namjoon!” Jin huffs again and drops into the nearest sofa.
“Oh, I have a dinner reservation for tonight and then we go see the tower.” Namjoon says, like it should have been obvious.
“I WANT TO BE ANGRY, NAMJOON!” he yells, annoyed. “You're not supposed to have solutions for everything!”
Namjoon looks bewildered and it's adorable but the point still stands. Jin's going to pout till dinner.
—
“Sorry I hijacked your holiday.” Namjoon says when he comes into the bathroom Jin is using to change into his "heist clothes”.
“I expect a better apology tomorrow.” Jin says, distracted because he's trying to put his legs through Jungkook's borrowed jeans and they keep coming out through the knees. “Do I actually have to wear this monstrosity?”
“Oh, Taehyung bet Jungkook you wouldn't wear the jeans.” Namjoon says and drops a bunch of ear pieces on the counter. “You can wear your own clothes.”
Jin's going to shave off Jungkook's hair while he sleeps.
He puts the jeans in the tub and runs the tap over them for a bit, then goes for his own non-holey pair of jeans.
“Pretty fancy place this is. The museum must be paying you well if this is your idea of temporary accommodation.”
Namjoon rubs the back of his neck. “Oh, I'm not paying for any of this. I'm too fancy to worry about that, apparently.”
Fair point. Namjoon's too well known in the art field now to pay for anything as trivial as a hotel room in a seven star hotel.
He looks up to find Namjoon watching him - while trying to gnaw off his own lips.
Before he can ask, Namjoon starts rambling.
“I was only complaining to Yoongi about the shit security system and suddenly he was helping to hatch a plan to get them to take me seriously.” Namjoon says, still guilty. “It was all hypothetical until he said he was booking tickets for Hoseok and himself and then he told me that the children were already in France for some reason and then I just got way too excited and booked you the tickets and I'm so sorry!” He thunks his head on the counter.
Jin laughs. He's not new to this particular brand of Overexcited Namjoon. He goes over to the counter and hoists himself so he can sit by the sink and then pulls Namjoon over so he can hold his head in his hands. And shake him a little.
“I'm not mad. Not really.” He says. “You know I like to be dramatic for a second.”
Namjoon looks like he's wondering whether to trust Jin but he'll get to the truth eventually. He nods and his hair flops into his face.
It's really hot.
Jin smirks. “You’ve been here a week, couldn’t find a barber, but somehow found time to plan a heist?”
Namjoon shrugs, smiling in that dimpled way that always fucks with Jin. “Thought maybe you'd like how long it is enough to not hate me.”
“Ah, so that’s your plan,” Jin teases, tugging gently at his hair. “Lure me to Paris and get me to stay with great hair and a heist.”
Namjoon leans in. “Worked, didn’t it?”
“Won't work again.” Jin says and pulls him in for a kiss.
It tastes like adrenaline and something sweeter that twists pleasantly in Jin’s stomach. He presses closer and closer until he's positive they're breathing the same air. It always feels like that with Namjoon.
And he's in love, so what?
Jin pulls away first - not because he doesn't want to continue but because he's half sure Jungkook is going to burst into the bathroom to interrupt them.
“You good?” Jin asks, still fiddling with Namjoon's hair as his boyfriend tries to leave a hickey on his neck.
Namjoon nods and pulls away. “The only thing I'm worried about is letting Taehyung get so close to the Mona Lisa.”
Jin's pretty sure the kids are only doing this job to scope out the place for the eventual Mona Lisa heist but he's not about to tell Namjoon that.
“Then why is your neck still so tense?” Jin asks, massaging gently where he can feel the tightness.
“Because you're the only one whose face they could pick up off the cameras.” he says, pushing away and trying to put Jin's earpiece in his ears for him. Jin bats him away and does it himself.
“I don't show up on film. I'm a vampire - you know this.” Jin laughs but Namjoon still doesn't look settled. Yoongi will wipe everything with his face on it - Jin knows this. Namjoon knows this. There's no reason to worry but that's one other thing Namjoon excels at.
There’s something endearing about it - the great Namjoon, master planner, still terrified of his own plans.
Jin stifles a smile. “Stop fussing. I’ve done twenty times harder jobs half-asleep and hungover.”
“That’s not comforting.”
“Wasn’t meant to be. Besides,” Jin says after a moment, softer now. “It’s a simple lift. In, out, done.”
“- we only have about four minutes from entry to extraction, and the crowd can be unpredictable -”
Jin leans forward, grabs the front of Namjoon’s shirt and kisses him again just to shut him up. It works immediately - Namjoon freezes, then melts, hands instinctively finding Jin’s waist and squeezing.
When Jin pulls back, he smirks. “You’re cute when you panic. Now, breathe.”
Namjoon blinks like he’s rebooting. “...Right.”
“And if I come back and find out you’ve chewed your nails off, I’m going to dinner with Jungkook.”
From the earpiece, Yoongi’s voice cuts in, dry as ever, “If you two are done being disgustingly in love, the kids are ready.”
“You’re listening in on this?!”
Yoongi sighs. “You’re both wearing earpieces, genius.”
—
Yoongi and Namjoon dropped Jin off at the museum in a taxi Hoseok had stolen, about fifteen minutes ago.
He was supposed to wander about and ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ like a proper tourist would. Which he did while keeping a low profile.
He stayed out of the way of everyone so he could surreptitiously whisper to Yoongi.
But there wasn't anything to whisper about. The team had done their homework - like clockwork the morning guards did their rounds and then promptly went for a break. Jin had memorised the schedule Namjoon had written up, so nothing was surprising him. Even the cleaning lady came round a corner at exactly the right time and Jin smiled at the woman. He was ignored, but whatever.
He passes four cameras on the way, out of which only two work - thankfully. Less work for Yoongi.
He gets to the Galerie d’Apollon and takes a second to revel in the grandeur.
It wasn't his first time here but it never stopped being glorious.
The high, gilded ceilings glimmered like sunlight trapped in glass, and the polished floor beneath his shoes echoed every step. Jin tilted his head back and breathed it in - the quiet hum of tourists, the cool weight of history, and the faint, familiar pulse of adrenaline sneaking into his bloodstream.
He shouldn’t miss this. He really shouldn’t. But he does.
“Status?” he murmurs, pretending to study the crown jewels on display.
“Truck’s in position,” Hoseok replies. “Taehyung’s currently arguing with a pigeon about parking rights.”
“I’m not arguing,” Taehyung’s voice comes through, affronted. “He started it.”
“Focus, please,” Namjoon cuts in. “We’re live in thirty.”
Jin hums and adjusts his glasses. There are no functional cameras in the room so he's their lookout. From where he’s standing, he can just make out the windows that overlook the Seine. In a few seconds, those will be their point of entry.
And right on schedule, the faint whir of machinery outside reaches him - the cherry picker. It’s quiet enough that no one else finds it out of place. Jin can’t help the little smirk tugging at his lips.
“Window reached,” Jimin whispers. A soft click, then the clean hiss of glass being cut. “And breached.”
Jin moves closer to a nearby display, pretending to read the plaque about Louis XIV’s jewels. “You're clear.”
“Inside,” Jungkook says after a few seconds.
Jin sees three construction workers move to the case at the end of the hall. They have on full face masks, rubber gloves and thick boots - zero skin showing. They even have beanies on which is ridiculous but whatever.
“Copy that,” Yoongi says. “Three minutes, forty-five seconds to extraction.”
Jin scans the entrance and there's no one there - no one dressed like a security guard at least - there are about twenty people in the room. Out of which only five people have even looked at the weirdly out of place construction crew. Not one of the five bothers to look again.
“On the first case.” Jimin says.
Jin straightens at that. He can just barely see Jimin crouched beside the display, steady hands guiding the cutter along the glass. Jungkook hovers beside him, scanning the tourists while Taehyung keeps watch on the other side.
A small click.
“Case open,” Jimin says, voice soft and satisfied. “Got the sapphires and brooch.”
“Copy,” Yoongi answers. “Next case.”
That’s when Jin notices it - a flicker of movement at the far end of the hall. Two museum guards, one yawning, the other sipping coffee, strolling lazily.
Right on time.
“Company,” Jin says, voice low. “Two guards, main door, headed straight for the exhibit.”
They are what Jin was here for.
The first guard stops mid-step, squinting toward a window. “Hey, what’s that truck doing still up here?”
Jin moves - calm, smooth, practiced. He sidesteps between displays until he’s directly in the guards’ path.
“Excusez-moi,” he says in the shittest french pronunciation he can muster. He moves to shitty English. “Could you help me find the restroom? My boyfriend left me alone with the map and I think I might cry.”
"I would never leave you alone with a map." Namjoon complains in his ear.
The guards exchange a look - the universal oh god, a tourist look - and sigh. “Down that way, monsieur. To the right.”
“Gracias,” Jin says sweetly.
He strolls off, face composed. The guards move away from the window and walk after him debating the weather of all things - totally distracted.
He hovers in the corridor and keeps an eye out for the guards. He'll wait there till the kids are out of the museum.
Over the comm, he can hear Taehyung whispering, “He’s terrifying when he locks in.”
“One minute.” Yoongi warns.
“Almost done,” Jimin says. “Case open.”
“Got ‘em.” Jimin breathes. “We’re leaving.”
Over the comms he can hear the whirring of the platform being lowered and then there's some scuffling but soon enough there's the unmistakable sound of a vespa starting up.
Jin really wants to laugh.
He smooths down his shirt, adjusts the collar, and steps back to admire the art in the new room.
“Yoongi?” he murmurs under his breath.
“Clear,” Yoongi’s voice crackles through the comm. “You’re good. Get out but don't run.”
“Copy.” Jin mutters.
He has to walk in front of one camera and he knows Yoongi is going to make it glitch for the second he needs.
He strolls toward the exit, calm, unhurried, blending into the trickle of tourists moving through the gallery.
He’s halfway to the door when someone shouts.
It’s distant at first - a museum attendant calling for a supervisor. Then a guard jogs past, heading back toward the exhibition hall.
Yoongi’s voice in his ear goes sharp. “Someone noticed the missing pieces. Guard’s talking to the person.”
Jin adjusts his glasses again, the very picture of bored sophistication, and keeps walking. Behind him, he can hear the noise building - raised voices, hurried footsteps, the sound of radios crackling to life. Other people are looking around and so he does a theatrical turn and shrug too.
“They're checking bags at the exit.” Yoongi warns.
Jin reaches the exit and there's a small line forming. The guards look properly annoyed and equally scared for their jobs - as they should.
Jin would strike up a conversation but the guard he meets is too harried to say much of anything so Jin just shuts up and lets him know in Korean that he doesn't have a bag. He gets waved through.
“Status?” Namjoon’s voice, tense in his ear.
“I’m out,” Jin says just as the alarm finally blares to life behind him. The sound reverberates through the air, followed by chaos - tourists gasping, guards shouting, radios screaming orders in French.
He turns down the corner where a small, battered car waits by the curb. The passenger door swings open before he even reaches it.
Namjoon’s behind the wheel, one hand gripping the steering, the other tapping anxiously against his thigh. Yoongi’s in the backseat, headset still around his neck.
Jin slides in, exhaling. “You know,” he says, buckling up, “if we’re going to keep stealing French cars, we should at least steal ones with air-conditioning.”
“Noted,” Namjoon says dryly, pulling away.
“Where are the kids?” Jin asks.
“Almost at the hotel,” Yoongi says, not glancing away from his laptop. “Ditched their Vespas. Getting the car.”
On cue, the comm crackles.
“Hyung,” Taehyung’s voice says, lazy and smug. “Mission success. Louvre still standing, no cops on our tail, and I've ordered and early lunch to the room.”
Namjoon’s smiling - that soft, quiet one that means he’s thinking too much and needs a distraction. “You Good?”
“Yup” Jin says and leans over to give him a sound kiss on the cheek. He can practically hear Yoongi's eyes roll in the backseat.
When they finally pull into the hotel parking lot, it feels like the end of a particularly long fever dream. Hoseok is driving up in another stolen car right beside them; They've all changed out of the construction overalls and are dressed too colourfully to blend in with Paris but no one looks at them, because, tourists.
They all pile into the suite. Hoseok goes straight for one of the bottles of champagne on the table. Their lunch is there too and Jin regrets not being there when Taehyung was doing the ordering - it looks like he's ordered everything.
“Nothing yet,” Yoongi says without looking up. “They haven't even alerted the cops yet.”
He goes to sit with Hoseok and immediately takes the champagne out of his hand and drinks from the bottle. Jungkook opens the other one and goes to sit by Taehyung who's on the sofa attacking a humongous lobster.
Jimin opens the duffel and starts spreading the stolen pieces across the table in the middle of the room. Sapphires, emeralds, earrings, a diamond-studded crown. Namjoon looks like he’s about to cry from pride.
Yoongi clears his throat. “Jimin, put the other crown on the table.”
Jimin freezes. “No.”
“Jimin.”
“I’m keeping it,” Jimin insists. “It’s vintage. It goes with my aesthetic.”
“Jimin,” Jin says, tiredly.
There’s a long sigh, and Jimin reluctantly slides it over. “I just think they belong with someone who's going to appreciate them. It's sad they're stuck in a case all their lives.”
He gets a sympathetic noise from everyone in the room but nothing else. He goes to sulk in the corner.
Jin walks up to the table and picks up the intricate brooch. It really is a thing of beauty and it's pretty depressing that it has to be confined to a glass case for all of eternity but he can't do anything about it.
Namjoon comes to stand by him and picks up the crown studded with sapphires and Jin knows he's thinking the same thing.
“Maybe we could get some fakes?” Jin suggests, hypothetically.
“On it!” Jimin and Taehyung say simultaneously and it's only 50% scary how they were prepared for it.
“No one's getting fakes!” Namjoon says and the excitement in the room drops. “I have to give them back.” Namjoon himself looks like he's second guessing returning the jewels.
Typical.
Jin grabs him by the hand and pulls him to the other sofa in the room and grabs some Sushi that Taehyung has also ordered. For Namjoon he grabs the plate of chicken fingers and puts it in his lap. That should keep him busy for a while.
Hoseok has picked up a plate of steak and is painstakingly cutting it into small bits so he can feed himself and Yoongi who still hasn't looked away from the laptop. Taehyung is doing the same with the lobster for Jimin and Jungkook.
It's also very typical.
They always eat after a job. And drink.
Jin grabs a bottle of champagne and raises it “To Paris!”
Jungkook raises his bottle. “And to not getting caught!”
Hoseok groans. “Don’t jinx it!”
“You say that every time and we never get caught.” Jungkook huffs.
“Because I plan for that,” Namjoon mutters, half-smug, half-exasperated.
Yoongi raises his head. “And because I delete the footage.”
They raise their bottles again.
Jimin leans closer, eyes glittering. “So,” he says, drawing out the word, “what’s next?”
“Next, nothing,” Jin says firmly, “we actually do the vacation.”
A chorus of groans follows.
Taehyung goes “Boring.”
Jimin suggests “We could rob a gallery in Rome -”
Hoseok shakes his head, “Absolutely not. Technicalities are stupid - I'm not touching Rome.”
Yoongi puts in, deadpan, “Depends which gallery though. I could find the kinks in their securities.”
"I... could be convinced." Hoseok says and everyone is immediately planning a hypothetical heist... in Rome!
Namjoon just laughs, leans closer to Jin, and murmurs, “You’re sure you want to retire?”
“I am,” Jin says, tipping his head to look at him. “You’re the one who keeps forgetting... and these nuts. But I've lost all hope for them.”
Namjoon smiles and shrugs. He turns slightly.
Jin leans back in his chair, champagne bottle still dangling from his hand. “Such a waste, though.”
Namjoon looks up from his chicken. “Excuse me?”
“You could’ve just told them their security sucks. Didn’t have to risk arrest to prove it.”
Namjoon grins, all dimples and quiet smugness. “I did tell them. They didn’t believe me.”
Hoseok snorts. “So naturally, the next step was robbery.”
“Demonstration,” Namjoon corrects smoothly. “Now they’ll believe me. I’ll give them back tomorrow - let them scramble today. I'll also tell them they should hire Yoongi.”
Yoongi raises his bottle of champagne and moves the laptop away. Finally. “I'm going to overcharge.”
Other bottles get raised.
“You’re quite ridiculous sometimes,” Jin mutters - but there’s the faintest curve of a smile at his lips.
Namjoon looks up, half-smiling. “But you love me.”
“I tolerate you.” Jin smirks, but the fondness in his eyes gives him away. “Barely.”
Yoongi mutters something that sounds suspiciously like ‘domestic idiots’ under his breath. He's playing with Hoseok's hair who actually looks like he's going to nap in his lap so Jin doesn't take offense. Yoongi likes to pretend everyone is sappier than him when he's very clearly the sappiest man on earth.
“Okay, be honest - for a second there, did you think Taehyung was going to go for the Mona Lisa?” Hoseok asks, sleepily.
“Actually, no,” Jin says, thinking back. “He was very focused on what they came to do.”
“That’s because we already stole it two months ago,” Taehyung says, licking his fingers clean of the lobster.
There’s a beat of absolute silence.
“What,” Jin says flatly.
“She was sad,” Taehyung says. “Needed better lighting.”
“What?” Hoseok yells, sitting up. Yoongi's eyes even go open all the way - this is news to all of them.
“She - what -” Namjoon sputters. “Taehyung!”
“They called me in to check the restoration and I couldn't help myself!” Taehyung shrugs.
Another beat.
“Relax,” Jimin cuts in. “We put it back.”
“Eventually,” Jungkook adds helpfully. “Their security is really quite shit.”
Yoongi actually laughs - a sharp, surprised sound. “Of course it is.”
“Maybe you should get Taehyung to come check the authenticity of all the work at some point, Joon.” Jin suggests and Namjoon looks like he is genuinely contemplating it. “Who knows how many others have tried.”
“I don't know if I can trust him not to lie.” Namjoon whispers, partly in awe and partly terrified.
And yeah.
Valid.
---
The End.