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General Beatrix had commanded Steiner to do something special for the anniversary of their first date. Lately she had been making veiled threats and hinting that she wanted more romance in their relationship. Steiner was, frankly, entirely at a loss and there was only one day left for him to plan something spectacular for his beloved General. He was at his wits end and The Knights of Pluto were the victims of his bad temper.
"Is that a rose you are wearing behind your ear Pluto Knight VII?" Steiner shouted, pointing with a trembling index finger at Weimar's head. He was performing his daily inspection of the knights with extra vigour.
"Sir, yes sir," Weimar said dreamily, saluting him. "It was a gift from the beautiful Barbara and I promised her I would wear it forever, close to my skin, as a token of our love."
Steiner frowned suspiciously at the flowery language. "Well, remove it at once; it's not regulation. And stay behind after inspection. I'd like to have a word with you." Weimar's dreamy expression crashed down to earth and he plucked the rose regretfully from behind his ear, holding it behind his back for the remainder of Steiner's perusal of his men. Steiner chose to be generous and allow him to keep it. He felt a small glimmer of hope that Weimar might be able to help him with his problem.
"You wanted to see me, sir?" Weimar asked, cringing like a kicked dog.
"Yes," Steiner said uneasily, pacing back and forth around the guardroom, his armour clanging and banging like a steel drum orchestra. "I find myself facing a bit of a serious dilemma," Steiner admitted finally, after Weimar had watched him pace circles around the room a few times.
"Is it a matter concerning the safety of our fair country and its lovelier ladies? You can trust me, sir," Weimar said sternly.
Steiner flushed. "Well, no, Weimar, it's a, it's a i personal /i matter," Steiner whispered, his voice growing softer and softer so that Weimar could barely hear him even though he'd leaned closer and closer as the words faded.
"A personal matter, sir?" Weimar scratched his forehead.
"A matter concerning myself and the General," Steiner muttered, frowning deeply.
"Oh, you need some romantic advice, Captain?" Weimar perked up. "Well, I'm your man. What sort of advice would you be needing?"
"Well," Steiner paused dramatically, wishing he was doing anything but asking advice from his subordinate on his love life. "The General has requested that I plan a romantic evening for her. But I am completely at a loss. How does one plan such an evening, Weimar?"
Weimar opened his mouth to begin a long discourse on the subject no doubt, but Steiner leaned in so close to him that their noses almost smashed together. "If you ever discuss this with anyone, Weimar, so help me I will see you demoted to a scullery maid before you can so much as sneeze." Steiner sat down at the scarred wooden table and sternly said, "well, begin," waving his hand at Weimar impatiently.
Weimar swallowed audibly and his mouth worked for a moment or two before he managed to begin describing an appropriately romantic evening. "Well, the first thing to consider, Captain, is atmosphere; one must have a suitably romantic setting, perhaps a beautiful forest clearing in the moonlight, or a lovely garden, or a nice private room with a splendid view."
"That sounds straightforward enough," Steiner said, biting his knuckle. He removed the feather from his helmet and dipped it into a bottle of ink and began making scratchy notes on a sheet of parchment. "That's it then?" he asked heartily. "Well, what a fuss I've made for . . ."
"Oh no, no no," Weimar shook his head emphatically, "why, that's just the beginning, Captain. Next you need some romantic lighting. You will probably want to bring some candles to keep the lighting soft and sensual."
"What are you suggesting, Weimar?" Steiner squinted at him angrily. "I'll thank you not to make any implications about my physical relations with the General."
"But, Captain," Weimar squirmed uncomfortably. "Why, the entire purpose of a romantic evening is seduction."
"What?" Steiner dropped the quill, splashing droplets of ink across the parchment. Steiner glared at Weimar so heatedly that Weimar's knees began to quiver. "Are you absolutely certain?" he shouted so that the door rattled on its hinges.
"Yes sir, Captain, sir," Weimar saluted him, smashing his hand into his forehead with such force that he winced.
Steiner's own hands shook as he picked up the feather from the table. He'd had no notion that Beatrix was desirous of an intimate physical relationship. He had assumed that she was content with their wonderful shared moonlight patrols of the palace grounds and the hearty camaraderie they shared during late night strategy planning sessions. He, personally, had enjoyed immensely the drills they led jointly to train the Pluto Knights and the Alexandrian Soldiers together. Steiner trembled as he considered the possibility of initiating physical overtures towards the General. "Very well then, ah, continue," he said, his face pale.
"Well, um," Weimar stumbled over his words a bit, clearly out of sorts after the Captain's fierce reaction. "You could have music. Yeah, music is romantic. I know of a band that you could hire."
"A band," Steiner's tongue poked out between his lips as he made note of that. He felt on more comfortable ground here. Of course a bit of light entertainment would make for a stimulating evening.
"You should have a little picnic," Weimer added, brightening up some more, now that Steiner wasn't shouting at him. "Surprises. Finger foods!" he exclaimed, clearly becoming passionate about the subject. "You can feed them to each other."
Steiner felt his face heat up again and wondered if he'd be able to prevent spontaneous combustion when he tried to put these odd suggestions into practice.
"Finger foods," he said, his voice wobbling as he scribbled that down on his list. It wasn't that he did not find the General physically attractive, nor that he didn't find the scent of her hair alluring and the sight of the plunging neckline of her leather jerkin titillating. It was simply that such thoughts were so inappropriate and that Steiner himself was so little experienced in such an arena. "Anything else?" he asked Weimar cautiously, wondering what other horrifying things the knight would suggest.
"You need to dress up nice. You want to impress her, you know?" Weimar tapped his lip as he pondered further. "Um make sure to smile and be really polite and cheerful." Weimar nodded decisively. "If you do all of that you should have a guaranteed romantic evening."
"You're that certain?" Steiner asked, frowning at the list.
"Yeah," Weimar replied. "That's how I hooked up with Barbara at the Morning Star Bar."
Steiner winced at the use of a vulgar term like "hooked up" to refer to General Beatrix, but he had to be grateful for the advice. "Thank you," he said, shaking Weimar's hand awkwardly.
"Any time, Captain. I'm an expert when it comes to romance!" Weimer proclaimed as he left the guard room with the rose tucked back jauntily behind his ear again. Steiner didn't even have the heart to shout at him for it.
XxXxX
"Erm, Beatrix, it's so wonderful to see you," Steiner said, smiling self-consciously. He had a small check list written on the palm of his hand with "smile" and "be polite" at the top.
"Steiner, are you feeling all right?" Beatrix asked, peering at him.
"I am feeling marvelously well, and yourself?" Steiner said.
"I'm fine," Beatrix smiled at him uncertainly and he beamed back then produced a blindfold from his armour. He'd polished the armour up especially for the occasion. Strangely enough, Beatrix was dressed in an unadorned white dress that looked very soft and laced up in the back. Steiner wondered for a moment how she had put it on, then wondered if he was dressed inappropriately. He started to sweat.
"Is there a reason why we're in the chocobo stable?" Beatrix asked him.
"Um, it's a surprise," Steiner said. "Here, let me just . . ." he held up the strip of fabric in his hands. "If my lady will permit," he added hastily.
"A blindfold?" Beatrix raised her eyebrow. "All right, it seems like you went to a lot of trouble Steiner," she frowned a little. "I didn't mean for you to . . ."
"Nonsense," he said heartily, carefully tying the blindfold around Beatrix's head while she lifted her hair off of her neck for him. "You are worth all of the trouble in the world," he said. "No, wait, that didn't come out right. You're worth so much more than this little bit of preparation I have done."
"Oh, thank you," Beatrix said. Steiner helped her up onto a mounting block and then onto his chocobo. It was a sturdy breed, strong enough to carry two riders; unfortunately, it was also a trifle skittish. The chocobo reared and Beatrix screamed and clutched blindly at the reins. Steiner held out a handful of gysahl greens to it, trying it calm it, but it raced across the stable madly, beak foaming, eyes wild, and finally threw Beatrix, fortunately in a clean heap of straw.
Beatrix lifted the blindfold from her good eye, wincing as strands of her hair caught in the knot at the back. "Let's start over, without this," she said, dropping the blindfold into the straw and getting up carefully. Steiner rushed over and brushed bits of straw from her dress, mumbling dozens of apologies on top of each other.
"It's okay," Beatrix said, catching the reins of the distressed chocobo and clucking to it softly. The chocobo calmed down instantly, nuzzling at Beatrix's hand gently with its beak.
"Where are we going?" Beatrix asked as they rode off into the sunlight towards the waterfall.
"It's a surprise," Steiner said, peering at his hand where "surprises" was listed. Weimar wasn't half bad, Steiner reflected, watching the sunlight reflect on the thrown up spray from the falls. Steiner's hands were wrapped firmly around Beatrix's waist. She had insisted on taking the reins after the incident in the stable. Steiner directed her where to turn the chocobo's head as they rode. His fingers grasped the soft fabric of Beatrix's gown and he could feel her warm flesh beneath. Steiner felt a certain stirring and was very grateful for the protection of his armour, if a little uncomfortable because of it at the same time.
"There should be a trail, oh there," Steiner pointed over Beatrix's shoulder to a treacherous, narrow, water-sprayed path.
"Are you sure you want to go that way?" Beatrix asked uncertainly.
"Of course," Steiner blustered. "You don't suppose I am choosing our destination at random, do you? I have an elaborately thought out plan," he said.
"All right," Beatrix sighed and tugged on the reins so that the chocobo turned towards the crooked stair cut into the cliff.
It was a torturous two hour's journey down the cliffside. Steiner clung to Beatrix's back like a limpet and she uttered little gasps of alarm at the rocks that shifted beneath the chocobo's feet and the way the large bird slid and skittered on the wet stone.
When they reached the bottom, Beatrix slid limply from the chocobo's back. Her face was ashen and her hands shook. "Is it much farther?" she asked.
"No, not much," Steiner said, clutching his knees and breathing hard. He admired the way the misty spray from the waterfall had molded Beatrix's dress to her curves.
She smiled at him suddenly, her eye crinkling. "Thank you, Steiner," she said. "Only next time, let's have a romantic evening closer to the castle, please."
"Anything for you, milady," Steiner said, performing a courtly bow that caused a screeching noise in the joints of his armour. The water must have started it rusting. He grimaced and Beatrix winced sympathetically.
They climbed back onto the chocobo reluctantly with stiff limbs. When they finally reached the spot, a little clearing at the edge of a wood, the rebuilt Prima Vista was perched there already.
"Steiner," Beatrix said, a little crossly. "Did you know that airship was there?"
"Yes," he responded, scratching his ear.
"A mistless airship? Why didn't we just take this here?"
Steiner blinked, helplessly. "I thought a chocobo ride would be more romantic," he said uncertainly.
"Oh well," Beatrix gritted her teeth and patted Steiner's cheek. "It's the thought that counts," she finished with a tight smile.
As they drew closer to the clearing, however, and heard the mysterious cries of monsters on the air, Beatrix grew a little alarmed. Her gaze darted from side to side and her hand went to her hip where Save the Queen would have been were she wearing her usual attire. "The Evil Forest, Steiner?" she asked, her voice rising. A flock of crows flew up from a pine tree that tilted across the clearing.
"I though it would be . . ."
"Romantic," she interrupted him. "Oh, Steiner," she said.
Steiner unbuckled the chocobo's saddle bags, laying out a large blanket and taking out the packets of food he had packed. The cucumber sandwiches were damp, the strawberries were crushed, the pumpkin bomb pie had got all over everything and the wine bottle was leaking.
"Oh my." Beatrix eyed the sad collection. She helped Steiner unpack the things although he protested and sat down with him on the blanket. Steiner's shoulders slumped.
"Oh, Steiner," Beatrix said, the frown falling away from her face. "I know it's not your fault. I can see that you are trying. Come on, some of this isn't too bad and I'm pretty hungry." The sun was just beginning to set as they started to eat. It painted Beatrix's dress red and gold and shone in her eyes and on her hair. Steiner reached out to touch a curl and Beatrix smiled at him as she ate messy pieces of pie and licked the filling from her fingers.
"Finger foods," Steiner read from his palm and felt his heart racing at the sight of Beatrix's tongue darting out to collect filling.
Steiner picked up a strawberry as if in a trance and held it up to Beatrix's lips. Her eyes widened slightly and she opened her mouth. Steiner shuddered all over with pleasure at the feel of her tongue on his fingers. He gazed at Beatrix's lovely face and felt himself drawn into her, almost into the depths of her soul through the brilliant, sparkling window of her eye and at that very moment the band struck up a rousing marching tune from the edge of the clearing, having filed quietly out of the Prima Vista so as not to disturb the young lovers.
Beatrix twitched and her brow furrowed again. Steiner felt like the little creases between her eyebrows were growing deeper and more numerous with every annoyance that his plans created. He opened his mouth to apologize, but Beatrix pressed her hand across it. "You thought it would be romantic," she said in a small, tight voice that Steiner could barely hear over the clamor of the drums, cymbals and horns.
"Clear off," Beatrix shouted.
"What?" the cymbalist shouted back.
"Clear off!" she yelled louder, "and stop that racket!"
"Did she say, racket?" the drummer exclaimed, affronted.
"She did," the triangle player said, glaring at her.
"I said . . ." she continued.
"We heard ya," the trumpet player said huffily. "And we is very insulted."
"We want some privacy," Beatrix stressed. "But don't you take off in that air ship. We'll be wanting a lift home, and we'll pay you well for it."
"Feisty thing, ain't she?" said a fellow with an accordion. "I don't envy ye, lad," he added as he walked away. They all marched off into the steadily approaching dark.
"Now," Beatrix said. "Let's eat our dinner." She stuffed a cucumber sandwich in her mouth and chewed at it stoically.
"Wait, let me just light some candles," Steiner said, squinting at his palm to read the smudged word "candles," scribbled there, although he was growing less and less confident in his list.
He retrieved some fat candles and flints from the saddlebags. He poured Beatrix a glass of wine which she tossed back instantly. Then he poured her another. She laid back, her glossy hair forming a halo around her head on the blanket. Steiner's heart thumped at the sight of her. He barely watched his hands as he struck the flints together and lit the candles. He licked his lips and hurried at his task.
When all six candles were blazing at the edges of the blanket, the light they provided in the dusk was much stronger than Steiner expected. The burning smell was also stronger.
"Steiner, the blanket!" Beatrix screamed, struggling to her feet. The blasted blanket was indeed ablaze. Steiner stomped it with his metal studded boots, but it persisted in burning and a small scattering of leaves on the ground started to smolder as well. He knelt down swiftly and folded the blanket over on itself, smacking at the flames. Finally, he rolled his metal encased body over and over the blaze until it had stopped.
Eyebrows slightly singe, hands and face smudged with charred blanket, laying among the fallen candles, Steiner looked up at Beatrix with alarm. She was laughing, laughing loud and strong like a church bell, her head thrown back and her eyes nearly shut like crescent moons.
"I'm so sorry, Beatrix, for running everything," Steiner said, crouching on his knees with his hands clenched together in supplication. "I'll do anything to make it up to you. I'll plan another evening, just for us, and this time I won't ruin it, I swear."
Beatrix helped Steiner up from the ground, swaying as she tugged him up. She ended up in his arms. "Steiner, you great fool. When I said I wanted a romantic evening, I meant I wanted us to just spend time together without soldiers or battle formations or strategy. I wanted you to be just plain old Steiner, not the Captain of the Guard and I wanted to be plain old Beatrix, not the General of the Queen's Army. I just wanted to be with you," she repeated, pulling his head down for a long firm kiss that made Steiner's lips tingle.
They walked off to the airship, leading the spooked chocobo. As the Prima Vista II rose up over the treetops, Beatrix stood in Steiner's arms on the deck, looking up at the stars overhead. "Next time," she reflected, "I'll plan the romantic evening, I believe." Steiner was very relieved to hear that.