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"I didn't know you had tattoos."
You freeze, slowly turning around.
"They're beautiful."
Your throat tightens. Memories flash in your mind, rendering you unable to speak. Your fingers twitch, blood pounding in your ears and your feet move.
"Babe?"
He takes a step closer, an arm outstretched, and you leap out of the window.
"Y/N!"
It's only after his patrol that he finds you, perched on a rooftop hidden away from prying eyes. The only reason he even knows where you are is because you texted him your location.
You're seated on the parapet, legs dangling over the edge as you watch the city lights below. He pauses a distance away from you, unsure of whether he's allowed to go closer until you turn to look at him.
"Sit." You grunt, patting the spot next to you. He tip toes over, shifting anxiously when you don't say another word and return to looking at the city.
"I —"
"Don't apologise. You didn't do anything wrong." You cut him off. "I just needed some space. Besides, you didn't know. I can't blame you for what happened."
He quietly follows your gaze, waiting for you to make the first move. You tuck a knee to your chest, exhaling deeply and he instinctively moves towards you, eyes filled with concern. This time, you don't pull away. You let his hand touch yours and interlace your fingers with his.
"The tattoo…is not just a tattoo. It's a pair of wings I was gifted." You spit out the last word. "It's a curse, the only reason for my usefulness, the only thing they wanted me for. I was the only successful experiment, their perfect weapon. Their angel of death."
A pair of pure, white feathery wings sprout from your back, fanning out around you. Jason stares, surprised and mesmerised by the sight.
"You look more like a guardian angel to me." The words get blurted out before he knows it. You look away, feeling your cheeks heat up and your wings shrink back, folding to rest on your back.
"Sorry." He mumbles, shifting awkwardly.
"It's fine." You bury your face in your knees. "Thanks. For that compliment."
He clears his throat, trying to hide his reddening face, distracting himself by running a hand through his hair. "The real thing is far more beautiful than the tattoo. The tattoo doesn't do your wings justice."
After that night, you always let your wings out whenever you and Jason were alone in private. It took a while more, but in time, you grew comfortable enough to let Jason touch your wings, and even help you preen them. It was a relaxing bonding activity for the both of you, and even though he tried to keep it a secret from you, you knew he would keep the feathers he liked in a box hidden underneath his bed.
He'd always jokingly call you his guardian angel, running his fingers through your wings while humming in contentment, laughing if you ever used your wings to smack him when he did something that irritated you. Sometimes he'd just step off the top of buildings with full confidence that he would never hit the ground, pressing a kiss to your lips when you caught him mid air.
"Told you you'd always catch me."
"I don't get how that translates to it being okay for you to just throw yourself off roofs."
"Don't they call these trust falls?"
"Trust falls involve leaning backwards while both participants are on the ground floor!"
"Same thing."
"No it's not!"
Whenever he was feeling down, you would wrap your wings around him, forming a white cocoon around him, shielding the man you loved from the world as he let down his walls to breathe and let you in.
This time around, when your wings wrapped around him, it was an instinctual move. You never used your wings in combat, hating the way it brought memories you'd rather keep locked away to the surface. But a bomb had gone off before anyone could find it, and Jason had been standing in the vicinity. Your body had moved before your mind could process anything, wings unfurling to shield him from the blast.
White hot pain tears through your body, causing your mind to blank out. You think you scream, you don't remember, but your throat becomes raw, and Jason has a panicked look in his eyes. The smell of burnt feathers fills the air, and blackened feathers drift slowly to the ground.
"Babe? Babe, stay with me!" You vaguely feel Jason's hand on your cheek, his face blurred by the tears that have gathered in your eyes.
"Hurts." You gasp out. You can't feel your wings anymore, causing panic to seize your chest. Suddenly, all breath leaves your body. You can't move a single muscle, and it terrifies you even further.
"No, no, no! Stay awake! Babe! I can't lose you either!" Jason pleads desperately. You want to say something, reach out to him, comfort him but your body doesn't respond to your commands. You're frozen in place, forced to watch as the man you love begs for you to respond, whispers how much he needs you.
The blackened remains of your wings droop, the flickering flames reflecting off the white of your wings' skeleton, and it hits you just how bad everything is. The blistering heat from the explosion causes phantom pain to crawl up your limbs, and the last thing you see before you black out from the pain is a pair of terrified green eyes.
When you next open your eyes, a mop of black hair with a white streak rests on your left. A scarred hand rests in yours, which is wrapped in bandages, fingers interlaced with yours.
"You're awake." Jason's voice is raspy, his eyes bloodshot.
"Jay." He lifts a glass of water to your lips and you drink gratefully. The cool liquid washes over your dry throat, and wakes you up fully. Phantom flames dance over your skin and you hiss softly in pain, not wanting Jason to worry further but the ever observant boyfriend notices your wince.
"Where does it hurt?" He demands, rising to his feet to check you over. "Do you need painkillers? I'll call the doctor immediately —"
"Jay!" Your voice is weak, and the exertion only aggravates your injuries. He freezes, noticing the pain you're in and quietly sits back down, mumbling an apology. You exhale shakily, preparing yourself for the worst. "What happened to my wings?"
Jason goes terrifyingly still. He avoids your gaze, staring at the floor.
"Jason?" You whisper.
"I — they —" He struggles to form a sentence. "I'm sorry babe. They had to remove your wings before the infection could spread any further. There was no way to save them."
A whimper escapes your throat and you curl up into a ball, ignoring the pain that shoots through you. Your back feels lighter without your wings, and you become more acutely aware of the loss the more you focus on the weight difference. It hurts, knowing that a part of you is lost forever, even if it was the cause of so much suffering.
"Babe —"
"Get out." You leave no room for argument in your voice. Jason opens his mouth to speak but decides against it after seeing tear tracks on your cheeks. He knows better than to push the matter further, and reluctantly leaves the room.
The moment the door closes with a click, the dam breaks. Your body shakes with each cry, causing more pain to shoot up your spine but you ignore it, screaming into your bandaged hands.
Jason listens to every second of it from the other side, leaning back against the cold door. He'd been there when they sawed off your wings. He'd been the one who give them the green light, fearing that he would lose you to an infection. He'd been the one to make the choice for you, choosing to prioritise your life over your wings, but hearing your cries of grief, he wonders if it was the right choice.
It's only when your cries subside that he gathers the courage to knock. A quiet 'come in' gives him the permission he's been seeking and he shuffles in anxiously. You make a small motion, silently asking him to come closer. It's an improvement over the previous time the two of you had interacted, an improvement he's happy about. Dick's text about giving you space plays in his head, and he begrudgingly makes a mental note to thank his adopted older brother for the advice as he makes his way over to you, sitting on your medical cot.
He waits for you to make the first move, placing an upturned palm in between the two of you as a sign that he's ready to talk and you blink in surprise. It's usually you doing that to him after he had a nightmare, the both of you sitting in the dark with streaks of moonlight shining through the window. This time around, it's him who's waiting on you, green eyes filled with a rare softness.
Your fingers inch closer to his, unsure of whether you're really ready to talk but his hand doesn't move. Instead, he patiently leaves it there, letting the silence settle over the room. Even after you place your hand in his, he doesn't say a word, neither does he make any moves.
"Jason, I…" You trail off, feeling tears well to the surface again.
"You're no different to me, with or without them." He says softly. "You're still my guardian angel."
"Angels have wings." You whisper.
"Well not this one." His thumb brushes over the back of your palm. "And who said all guardian angels have wings?"
You let out a little laugh, and Jason takes that as a good sign. He smiles back at you, fondness and relief in his eyes as the doctor comes in to check on you.
"There is no sign of infection and their vitals are stable. Once the burn wounds are almost healed, they can be discharged." The doctor nods at Jason, handing him a document. "The list of injuries you requested."
The doctor leaves and you lean over to peek at the document. Jason presses a kiss to the top of your head and checks through the papers with you, freezing when he flips to the next page.
It's the permission slip he signed on your behalf, agreeing to the amputation of your wings.
You tense up, gripping his arm as tightly as you can.
"You…agreed?" You rasp.
"It was that or risk your entire body getting infected." He says tersely.
"You let them cut away a piece of me?"
"It was for your own good, babe."
"Who said it was for my own good? You?"
"You weren't exactly conscious enough to make the decision!"
"So you made it for me? Who gave you the right to decide something this personal?"
"I didn't want to risk losing you!"
"You're the reason I almost died!"
Jason looks away, the truth of your words cutting him deeply. You weren't wrong. If he had been more careful, if he had disarmed the bomb or hadn't stood within the blast radius, you wouldn't have needed to shield him. You would still have your wings, you wouldn't be covered in burns and in the hospital.
"Jaybin I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that, I —"
"You're right." It hurts to say it. "It's my fault that any of this is even happening."
He stands up, placing the documents on your cot.
"Jason wait —"
"I swore I wouldn't let anyone hurt you again, and that includes myself. I'm sorry, Y/N."
"Jason!"
He leaves, and you feel the ache in your chest grow. Your bottom lip trembles and your shoulders shake as tears begin to flow once more.
You shouldn't have said that. You knew he was just looking out for you in his own way, and he was right. You weren't in any condition to make the decision, so he had made it for you, and he had chosen the option that would guarantee your survival. It still hurt, losing your wings, losing the part of you that you hated and loved, but it had been the best choice he had had in that moment. You curl up into a ball, hugging your knees to your chest and weep, wanting to take it all back.
Jason. I'm so sorry. Please come back.
Jason lets out a shaky breath. He had expected some sort of resistance when the truth of who made the decision to amputate your wings came to light, but he hadn't expected it to hurt so much. He's instinctively made his way to the roof of the nearest building where he can still see you through your ward's window, keeping an eye on you from a distance. His phone buzzes with a message from Dick asking about how it went and he nearly throws his phone off the side of the building in frustration. Another message comes in, this time from Tim, and it simply states how he's finished reading a book Jason recommended to him a month ago.
Turning off his phone, Jason sighs, biting back the tears that threaten to overflow. A sniff still escapes, and he buries his face into his knees.
"You weren't answering your phone, Todd."
"Didn't ask for your opinion, demon child."
Damian sits down next to him, placing a kitten between them. The kitten mewls, pawing at Jason's shirt as it tries to claw its way up onto him.
"They're strong, and loyal. I doubt they meant what they said."
"They are right, whether they meant to say it or not."
"It doesn't mean they will not forgive you. I believe they already have, for I find it difficult to imagine them holding a grudge against you. All that's left is for you to forgive yourself."
"How can I? I'm the reason they'll never fly again."
"They may never fly again, but they still have you. They chose to sacrifice their wings to protect you, honour that sacrifice, Todd, remain by their side. Surely that was their wish when they shielded you from the blast."
"Everyone around me ends up hurt."
"Welcome to reality." A new voice joins the conversation. Tim takes the spot on Jason's left, giving the kitten a little poke in the head. "Since when did you have this kitten?"
"Father does not need to know about this new addition to the household." Damian scowls.
"He's going to find out at some point, you know." Dick comes into view, grinning. "Can't exactly keep secrets from the world's greatest detective."
"If I am to surpass Father, it means being able to keep secrets from him."
"Good luck with that." Dick leans over to try and pick the kitten up but it scratches him instead, causing the oldest Robin to pull back with a yelp.
"It seems I do not need to train it, for it already knows who to target." Damian smirks. Tim snickers as Dick pouts, nursing the surface wound.
"Little Wing, won't you defend your beloved older brother?"
Jason remains silent, gaze fixed on the kitten who has clawed its way onto his knees.
"He's got more important things to worry about than your dramatics." Tim rolls his eyes. "Aren't we here to help him with those things?"
"Didn't ask for any of your help." Jason hisses, blinking back the tears that have spilled over.
"Won't stop us from helping." Dick pats him on the shoulder. "We're brothers. We're pretty much obliged to help each other, no matter how stubborn the one we're helping is."
"Grayson is right, for once."
"Hey that hurts!"
"Stop being so dramatic."
"All of you, leave." Jason snarls. He doesn't want them to see him so weak and vulnerable. Besides, it's his problem to solve, they shouldn't be involved.
"Make us." Tim frowns. The other two nod in agreement.
"It's got nothing to do with any of you."
"It concerns you, Todd. Thus it concerns us."
"You should have asked me to forge the medical records."
"Timmy!"
"I'm just suggesting what could've been done! I don't see you trying to help!"
"Both of you, quit squabbling like children. We are here to help Todd, but we have yet to do so despite being here for a while."
Jason quietly listens to his brothers bicker, missing the way you and him would do the same. It was never malicious, simply a way to tease each other, and now it would never happen again. He lets out a sob, unable to hold it back anymore and the three immediately fall silent as the second Robin dissolves into tears.
Dick immediately pulls him into a tight hug from behind, Tim gives a looser hug from the left and Damian presses himself as well as the kitten against Jason from the front.
"We'll be here for as long as you need, Jay." Dick murmurs.
"For once, I believe we're all in agreement with Grayson." Damian proclaims.
Tim nods. "Even if you don't want us to be."
Jason hates how weak he feels, but there's a sense of security with his brothers surrounding him. He knows they won't say a peep about this to anyone else, that this moment is a secret between the four of them, and that they will not betray his confidence.
"You'll have to talk to them. You can't keep running away forever." Tim says.
"We will be with you when you do." Damian chimes in.
"No escaping us until we're sure you're good!" Dick flashes a grin, ruffling Jason's hair.
"Thank you." The words leave his lips in a whisper. The other three smile. They know how much you mean to their brother, and how much their brother means to you. They've seen it firsthand, how much happier you've made him, how much more relaxed he is around you, and they're not about to let it all disappear just like that.
"Anything for you, Little Wing."
"We're always here to help, Todd."
"Anytime, Jay."