Camp Half-Blood Prom (The Office-style)

"CONNOR: Alright, we’ll go talk to Chiron and Mr D! We got this!
ANNABETH: Great. I have full faith in you guys.
CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH ANNABETH:
ANNABETH: I was actually 80% sure you’d both die."
---------
Connor and Travis Stoll decide they want to throw a Camp Half-Blood Prom, and shenanigans ensue. Will Travis get the courage to ask out Katie? How will the Stolls keep up their end of the bargain for Mr D? And where the Hades do Percy's shirts keep going? You'll have to tune in and find out!
This is written like a script in the style of shows like The Office or Parks and Recreation, so expect cutaways and lots of dialogue. It's a silly fic with some earnest moments. Rated Teen and Up for innuendo and (censored) swearing.

Notes:

This fic is written like a script to mimic a mockumentary style. Here's a little guide to help you read:
The parts that are in all caps and bolded refer to what the scene is showing i.e. descriptions, changes of setting, montages, and what characters are doing.
When there are cuts to 'talking heads' with characters, this means a cutaway with just that character, or a couple of characters. These scenes usually add info or context/humour to existing scenes. You can picture them wherever you like - I like to imagine the Big House rec room!
The rest is basically dialogue, which should be easy enough to follow. Anything that is inside the brackets [] indicates actions within dialogue/how things are said.
Happy reading!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

THE SCENE OPENS WITH A SHAKY CAMCORDER POINTED AT THE FLOOR. CONNOR AND TRAVIS STOLL BICKER BACK AND FORTH AS THEY PRESS BUTTONS ON THE SIDE OF THE CAMERA. THE LENS ZOOMS IN ON THE FLOOR AND THEN ZOOMS OUT AGAIN.

CONNOR: [Off camera] Is it on?

TRAVIS: [Off camera] Yep, it’s working. Say cheese.

THE CAMERA PANS UP TO CONNOR, WHO IS STOOD INSIDE THE HERMES CABIN. THE CAMERA PANS AROUND WILDLY, QUICKLY SHOWING BUNKS AND CAMPERS GETTING READY FOR THE DAY.

CONNOR: [Off camera] Slow down, man. You’ll make people seasick.

THE CAMERA SLOWLY PANS BACK TO CONNOR.

CONNOR: [Grinning with his thumbs up] Hello, world!

TRAVIS: [From behind camera] You gonna tell them what this is?

CONNOR: Oh, yeah. This is our Camp Half-Blood documentary. Enjoy the ride.

INSERT MONTAGE OF CAMP HALF-BLOOD. FOOTAGE OF DEMIGODS IS SPLICED TOGETHER. 'DIRTY LITTLE SECRET' BY THE ALL AMERICAN REJECTS PLAYS OVER FOOTAGE OF SWORD FIGHTING, CANOE RACES, VOLLEYBALL, CLIMBING, ETC.

CAMERA RETURNS TO CONNOR, WHO IS NOW WALKING OUTSIDE THE CABIN AREA.

CONNOR: Things have been pretty wild around Camp lately, with the Romans coming to kill us and then Gaea…also coming to kill us. But the good news is that no one killed us. Well, not all of us. Obviously.

CONNOR GESTURES TO HIMSELF AND THEN GESTURES AROUND, DEMONSTRATING THAT NOT ALL OF THEM ARE DEAD.

CONNOR: So, my compadre and I were thinking of a way to boost morale around here. Everyone’s a little jumpy since…you know…almost dying. And we had the most amazing idea. Three words.

CONNOR STOPS AND PUTS ON SUNGLASSES

CONNOR: Camp. Half-Blood. Prom.

TRAVIS: [From behind camera] Dude, that’s four words.

CONNOR TAKES SUNGLASSES OFF

CONNOR: What?

TRAVIS: You said three words, but Camp Half-Blood Prom is four words.

CONNOR: No, it’s not.

TRAVIS: Yes, it is. Half-Blood is two words.

CONNOR: No, it’s one word.

TRAVIS: No, it’s two in this context.

CONNOR: No, it’s - oh. Oh, actually, I see what you mean. I forgot about the hyphen.

TRAVIS: Dude, you can’t forget about the hyphen. That’s a rookie mistake.

CONNOR: Lemme redo that take. [Clears throat] FOUR WORDS.

CONNOR PUTS SUNGLASSES BACK ON

CONNOR: Camp. Half-Blood. Prom.

TRAVIS: So, where are we going right now?

CONNOR: Well, when you have an amazing idea, but you need help executing it, who do you go to?

TRAVIS: Tell me.

CONNOR TAKES OFF SUNGLASSES

CONNOR: You ask your mom for help.

THE SCENE CHANGES. THE CAMERA IS NOW POINTED AT ANNABETH CHASE. SHE IS SITTING ON HER BUNK STUDYING SOME CABIN BLUEPRINTS. A PENCIL HOLDS HER HAIR IN A MESSY BUN.

CONNOR: ‘Sup, Annabeth. Got a minute?

ANNABETH: [Looks up, then glares at the camera with an unimpressed face] Get that BLEEP-ing camera out of my BLEEP-ing face.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CONNOR:

CONNOR: We wanna keep this PG, so we’ll be censoring any bad words.

TRAVIS: [From behind camera] That’s BLEEP-ing genius you son of a BLEEP.

CONNOR: [Scandalised] Dude, we have the same mom.

CUT BACK TO SCENE WITH ANNABETH IN THE ATHENA CABIN

CONNOR: We’re doing a thing.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it will be really cool. Trust.

ANNABETH: I don’t consent to being on camera. Turn it off.

TRAVIS: Look, just-

ANNABETH: Turn. It. Off.

CAMERA QUICKLY CUTS. A SECOND LATER THE CAMERA IS BACK ON AND TRAINED ON ANNABETH, WHO IS ANNOYED BUT OTHERWISE COMPLIANT. A CONVERSATION HAS HAPPENED OFF-CAMERA, WHICH WE GET THE VERY END OF.

ANNABETH: Fine. But don’t make the regret this.

CONNOR: Thanks, you’re the best.

ANNABETH: I know. Now, what do you want?

CONNOR: Well, me and my business associate here had an idea, and we need your help.

ANNABETH: [Raising an eyebrow] You guys having ideas? That sounds dangerous.

CONNOR: Look, we want to throw a Camp Half-Blood Prom. But we need brains, and you have the most brains of anyone we know.

ANNABETH: [Staring blankly at CONNOR]. A Camp Half-Blood…Prom?

CONNOR: [Grinning proudly] Yep!

ANNABETH: You mean like, a party? For demigods?

CONNOR: Yes.

ANNABETH: Where everyone gets dressed up? And dances?

CONNOR: You got it.

ANNABETH: And people take dates? And vote for a King and Queen?

CONNOR: Right on the money.

ANNABETH: [Pauses for a moment] It’s a terrible idea.

CONNOR: Aw, c’mon! It would be fun!

ANNABETH: It would be a disaster.

TRAVIS: [From behind camera] Just hear our pitch, please?

ANNABETH: [Thinks for a few moment, lips pursed, then rolls her eyes] Fine. You have 30 seconds. Convince me.

CONNOR: Look, everyone’s had a rough summer. You’ve had a rougher summer than most. And everyone’s kinda, how do I describe it? Miserable. Exhausted.

TRAVIS: Depressed.

CONNOR: Yeah, exactly. We really need to pick up the energy around here. Give people something fun to look forward to. And since most of us can’t go to mainstream schools, or even live normal teenage lives, why not do something dumb and fun for once?

ANNABETH: [Thinking] Huh. That’s actually…that’s actually not the worst thing I’ve ever heard.

CONNOR AND TRAVIS FIST-BUMP

ANNABETH: Fine. I’ll concede it’s even a good idea. But it’s gonna take a lot of planning. Have you worked out where it will be held?

CONNOR: Um, no.

ANNABETH: Have you spoken to the dryads about catering?

CONNOR: Uh, no.

ANNABETH: Have you thought about a music system? Or decorations?

CONNOR: …No.

ANNABETH: Have you got an idea of numbers? Like, how many people would even come?

CONNOR: Nope.

ANNABETH: [Crosses her arms over her chest] Have you even got permission? From Chiron and Mr D?

CONNOR: …Not yet.

ANNABETH: [Stares directly into the camera]

CONNOR: [Smiles awkwardly]

ANNABETH: [Glaring at the boys] So why in Hades are you bothering me with this at 9 in the BLEEP-ing morning? I’ve got important stuff to do.

ANNABETH GETS UP FROM HER BUNK AND STARTS GATHERING HER THINGS.

CONNOR: Okay, so we’ve not thought it through much, I’ll give you that. But that’s why we need you. Please?

CUT TO A TALKING HEAD WITH ANNABETH:

ANNABETH: Look, I still think it’s a silly idea and there’s loads of ways for it to go wrong, but I also get it. Most demigods can’t do normal stuff, like prom. Maybe this could be fun, especially for some of the younger kids. Unless this is some kind of elaborate prank. [ANNABETH’S face becomes alarmed. She looks suspiciously at the boys behind the camera] Oh Zeus, you guys aren’t doing a prank, are you?

TRAVIS AND CONNOR: [From behind the camera] No. Nope. No prank. We swear on the Styx.

ANNABETH: [Says nothing, just glares at them both]

CUT BACK TO SCENE IN THE ATHENA CABIN

ANNABETH: [Thinks for a few moments and then sighs deeply]. Fine. I’ll help.

CONNOR: YES!

ANNABETH: [Holds up a hand] BUT. You guys have to get permission from Chiron and Mr D first. I’ve survived too BLEEP-ing much get turned into a bottle of BLEEP-ing Merlot. So get permission first, and then we can discuss logistics.

CONNOR: You got it, boss.

TRAVIS: Yeah, you won’t regret this.

ANNABETH: I better not. And don’t even think about pretending to get permission, because I will be checking. Now leave me alone, I need to go and oversee cabin repairs.

CONNOR: Alright, we’ll go talk to Chiron and Mr D! We got this!

ANNABETH: Great. I have full faith in you guys.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH ANNABETH:

ANNABETH: I was actually 80% sure you’d both die.

SCENE CHANGES TO THE BIG HOUSE. CHIRON AND MR D ARE PLAYING PINOCHLE WITH A COUPLE OF SATYRS. TRAVIS IS STILL HOLDING THE CAMERA. CONNOR APPROACHES THE TABLE.

CONNOR: Good morning, everyone! How are we this fine day?

CHIRON LOOKS UP AND SMILES GOOD-NATUREDLY, BUT LOOKS CONFUSED BY THE CAMERA. MR D DOESN’T ACKNOWLEDGE THE BOYS. THE SATYRS CHEW TIN CANS NERVOUSLY.

CHIRON: [Looking sideways at the camera, unsure what to make of it] Um, hello boys. How can we help you?

CONNOR: [Pointing at TRAVIS] Just pretend he’s not here.

MR D: I was already doing that.

CONNOR: [Smiling, but with slightly manic eyes] We’re here to make a proposition.

MR D: The answer’s no.

CONNOR: [Faltering] Please, sir. Let us-

MR D: N-O. And put that BLEEP-ing camera away before I BLEEP-ing-

THE SCENE RAPIDLY CUTS TO BLACK. WHEN THE CAMERA COMES BACK ON, IT IS TRAINED ON THE GROUND AS THE BOYS LEAVE THE BIG HOUSE PORCH.

CONNOR: [Whispering excitedly] I can’t believe Mr D said yes.

TRAVIS: [Anxious] Yeah, but how are we gonna hold up our end of the bargain? How are we gonna-

CONNOR: [Cutting him off] Don’t stress. We’ll figure something out. In the meantime, lets get this show on the road.

THE SCENE CHANGES. CONNOR IS STOOD OUTSIDE THE CABINS AGAIN, GRINNING.

CONNOR: Things are going great so far. We’ve got permission from Chiron and Mr D. We’ve got THE Annabeth Chase helping with logistics. This is gonna be epic!

TRAVIS: [From behind the camera] Do you wanna explain our next step?

CONNOR: Oh, yeah. So. We need people to come to this thing, but in order to get people keen, we need to get the cool kids on board first. People love doing whatever the cool kids are doing.

TRAVIS: And who are the coolest kids at Camp?

CONNOR: Why, the Aphrodite Cabin, of course.

THE SCENE CHANGES. CONNOR IS APPROACHING A GROUP OF APHRODITE GIRLS, WHO ARE SUNBATHING BY THE LAKE. AS CONNOR AND TRAVIS APPROACH, THEY START WHISPERING AMONGST THEMSELVES AND GIGGLING. CONNOR WALKS UP TO DREW TANAKA.

CONNOR: ‘Sup, Drew. Ladies.

DREW: [Looking him up and down with disgust while she files her perfectly manicured nails] What do you want, Stoll? And don’t say a date.

CONNOR: Um, no.

THE OTHER APHRODITE GIRLS ARE WAVING AT THE CAMERA, POSING AND FLICKING THEIR HAIR. NONE OF THEM QUESTION WHY THERE IS A CAMERA.

CONNOR: [Trying for an easy smile] Look, we wanted to let you all know that we will be throwing a Camp Half-Blood Prom!

THE OTHER GIRLS OOH AND AHH EXCITEDLY, BUT DREW IS UNIMPRESSED

DREW: We’re not going to anything that you freaks have organised.

CONNOR: It’s not just us organising! We also have Annabeth-

DREW: Annabeth? What is this, some kind of loser nerd party?

CONNOR: [Trying to remain casual] No, it’s a…super cool kids party. For cool kids.

DREW: The only cool parties are our parties. We’re not interested.

CONNOR: C’mon, Drew. There’s gotta be something we can do to make you wanna come. Some kind of arrangement we can come to.

DREW: [Thinking] Hm, there might be one thing.

CONNOR: Hit us. Whatever you want.

DREW: [Smirks with her arms folded over her chest] Get Percy Jackson.

CONNOR: Percy?

TRAVIS: [From behind the camera] You know he’s dating Annab-

CONNOR: [Interrupting] We’ll get Percy! We’ll make sure he comes.

DREW: Good. Otherwise, we’re not going.

CUT TO TAKING HEAD WITH DREW:

DREW: Oh, I already knew him and Annabeth are dating. My mom’s, like, obsessed with them. But honestly, I don’t get it. I think she’s totally wrong for him. But that’s okay. I know how to get what I want.

CUT TO A MONTAGE OF PERCY, WITH CONNOR’S VOICE NARRATING.

CONNOR: [Narrating] Honestly, we should have started with Percy Jackson. He’s a huge deal around here. Son of Poseidon, two-time Great Prophecy participant, hurricane-maker, Titan-slayer, god-fighter, giant-killer, Tartarus-survivor, and all around badass mother-BLEEP-er. He’s an absolute Camp legend. He’s the coolest guy here by far. And he’s literally so good-looking he’s been mistaken for a god before. No wonder all the girls want him.

WHILE CONNOR SPEAKS, THE MONTAGE SHOWS A COMPILATION OF PERCY FALLING OVER, DROPPING FOOD DOWN HIMSELF, FALLING ASLEEP AT THE POSEIDON BENCH, SWINGING HIS FEET AND SMILING WHILE STARING AT ANNABETH DURING MEALS, DOING BACKFLIPS OFF THE JETTY INTO THE LAKE, CAPSIZING HIS CANOE, NAPPING UNDER THALIA’S TREE, AND LOOKING AROUND PANICKED AND CONFUSED DURING CAPTURE THE FLAG UNTIL HE SPOTS ANNABETH AND VISIBLY RELAXES.

SCENE CUTS TO THE AMPHITHEATRE. PERCY IS SPARRING WITH A YOUNGER ARES CAMPER WHILE THE REST OF THE CLASS WATCHES. PERCY DISARMS THE ARES CAMPER AND KNOCKS HIM DOWN IN A FLUID MOVEMENT. THE REST OF THE CLASS CLAPS. PERCY HELPS THE ARES CAMPER UP AND SHAKES HIS HAND, BEFORE DISMISSING THE CLASS. PERCY IS DRENCHED IN SWEAT AND PANTING. HE POURS A BOTTLE OF WATER OVER HIS HEAD AND SHAKES HIS HAIR, SENDING WATER FLYING EVERYWHERE. A FEW PEOPLE STAND AND WATCH, WHICH PERCY DOES NOT NOTICE.

CONNOR: [Approaching PERCY] ‘Sup, bro. Nice form.

PERCY: [Still panting, removing his armour] Thanks, man. [Notices camera and frowns] Hey, what’s with the-

TRAVIS: [From off-camera] Just pretend I’m not here.

PERCY: [Still confused] O-kay…what do you guys want?

CONNOR: We’re here to share our amazing idea with you.

PERCY: Can we walk and talk? I’m meant to be supervising canoe races in, like, 10 minutes.

CONNOR: Sure, man.

PERCY STARTS HEADING OUT OF THE AMPHITHEATRE. HE STOPS AT ONE POINT TO USE THE BOTTOM OF HIS SHIRT TO WIPE SWEAT OFF HIS BROW, REVEALING HIS ABS. A FEW GIRLS WALKING BY SIGH AND WHISPER TO EACH OTHER. PERCY IS COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS.

CONNOR: Do you get paid extra to do that?

PERCY: What?

CONNOR: Nevermind.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Anyway, our amazing idea…

CONNOR: Oh, yes! Percy Jackson, how would you like to go to Prom?

PERCY: [Stops walking, looking panicked] What?

CONNOR: You know, dancing. Nice outfits. Music. The works.

PERCY: [Clearly anxious] Dancing…in public…wearing a suit…

CONNOR: [Glances nervously at TRAVIS] Uh, don’t think of it that way.

PERCY: [Walking again] How else am I supposed to think about it?

CONNOR: Like a big party. With all your friends.

PERCY: I don’t know, guys.

CONNOR: Annabeth’s keen. She wants to go.

PERCY: [Stops walking again, surprised] Really?

CONNOR: Yep. [Glances nervously at TRAVIS] She’s real excited about it.

TRAVIS: Yeah, and just imagine her in a pretty dress.

PERCY: [Considers this, deep in thought] Hmm…

CONNOR: Look, we’re calling it Prom but it doesn’t have to be that serious. This is Camp, not school. You’re amongst friends. Friends who haven’t died. And you haven’t died, either. Isn’t that worth celebrating?

PERCY: [Thoughtful] Yeah…yeah, I guess so…Ah crap, I’m gonna be late to the canoe lake. [Starts walking again, taking large strides]

CONNOR: [Almost running to keep up] Just think! Music! Friends!

TRAVIS: [From behind the camera, also near-running, making the camerawork shaky] Annabeth in a dress.

CONNOR: Food! Soda!

TRAVIS: Annabeth in a dress.

CONNOR: Teenage fun! Memories!

TRAVIS: Annabeth…wait for it…in a dress.

PERCY: [Smiling] You had me at Annabeth in a dress. Ah, what the Hades. Let’s do it. We deserve some fun.

CONNOR: [Punching the air] Yes!

THE TRIO HAVE REACHED THE CANOE LAKE. PERCY TAKES OFF HIS SHIRT AND TOSSES IT TO ONE SIDE.

CONNOR: Um, what?

PERCY: I need to go into the water and check for any debris, and make sure the boats don’t have holes. Health and safety first, dude.

CONNOR: But can’t you, like, will yourself dry? Why do you need to take your shirt off?

PERCY: You ever tried swimming fully-clothed without getting wet? It feels BLEEP-ing weird as BLEEP.

CONNOR: I…I honestly don’t have an answer for that.

PERCY STARTS WALKING TOWARDS THE LAKE. THE APHRODITE GIRLS GIGGLE AND WHISPER EXCITEDLY AMONGST THEMSELVES. THEIR SUNBATHING SPOT JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE RIGHT NEXT TO THE CANOE RACES. A SATISFIED SMILE SPREADS ACROSS DREW’S FACE.

DREW: [Calling out to PERCY] Hey Percy, you look hot today.

PERCY: [Oblivious] Yeah, it’s really hot today.

DREW: [Trying to be undeterred] No, I mean like…I mean you look hot today.

PERCY: I just came from sword fighting class. Makes you real sweaty.

DREW: Oh, I bet it does. [Twirling her hair around her finger and batting her eyelashes] Do you think I look hot today?

PERCY: [Squints] Nah, you’re in the shade.

PERCY DIVES INTO THE LAKE, ENDING THE CONVERSATION. CONNOR LOOKS AT THE CAMERA AND SHRUGS.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH ANNABETH

ANNABETH: Does Drew flirting with Percy make me insecure? Nope. I mean, there was a time that would have made me super upset. But now? Hades no. Not after all we’ve been through. A literal goddess wiped his memories and he still remembered me. He fell into Hell for me. You think I’m scared of some skank with hair perfume? Puh-lease.

CONNOR [From off-camera] So it doesn’t worry you at all?

ANNABETH: [Smirking] Nah. If I know my Seaweed Brain, and I do, he doesn’t even realise she’s flirting with him. He’s totally oblivious to that stuff. One time, before we were dating, I was feeling bold and told him his hair looked nice. His response? He sneezed three times back-to-back and then got distracted by a butterfly. The boy is literally allergic to being flirted with. By all means she can try. It’s just entertainment for me to watch.

CONNOR: He’s totally allergic? Like, he doesn’t even flirt with you now?

ANNABETH: [Blushing] Who are you, my dad?

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH DREW:

DREW: Oh, he’s not oblivious. He’s just playing hard to get. He’s got to keep up an act for his little girlfriend. Well, we’ll see about that. I always get what I want.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH PERCY:

PERCY: [Shocked] She was flirting with me?

CONNOR: [Behind camera] Uh…yeah.

PERCY: Huh. She must not know I’m dating Annabeth.

TRAVIS: [Also behind camera] Um, no…she knows.

PERCY: [Horrified] WHAT. Why would she do that? Oh man, I feel gross. I need to go…I need to go and see Annabeth. [PERCY gets up from his seat and storms out of the room].

TRAVIS: Wait, why is he still shirtless?

CONNOR: BLEEP knows.

THE SCENE CHANGES. CONNOR IS APPROACHING ANNABETH, WHO IS SAT IN THE ATHENA CABIN PORING OVER CABIN DESIGNS. WHEN SHE SEES THE BOYS WALKING IN SHE ROLLS HER EYES.

ANNABETH: Still alive, I see.

CONNOR: You don’t have to sound so disappointed about it.

ANNABETH: [Arms folded over chest] Well?

CONNOR: We got permission.

ANNABETH: [Genuinely impressed] How?

CONNOR: Doesn’t matter. Point is, we got permission, and we’ve got some hype around Camp. This thing is coming together. So…

ANNABETH: [Sighs] So now I have to help, huh?

CONNOR: [Smiles and makes finger guns]

ANNABETH: Fine. But any funny business, and it’s over for both of you.

CONNOR: I’d expect nothing less.

ANNABETH: [Pulling out a piece of paper] I’ve already taken the liberty of noting down some ideas. [Hands paper to CONNOR]

CONNOR: [Studies paper, grinning] This looks awesome.

ANNABETH: On the back there’s a checklist of things that need to be organised.

CONNOR: [Turns paper over] Date, food, drinks, venue, music, emcee…outfits?

ANNABETH: No one here is exactly prom-ready. All I have are t-shirts and jeans.

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] Shoot. We already promised Percy you’d wear a dress.

ANNABETH: Excuse me?

CONNOR: Nevermind. We’ll come back to that. Let’s start with big picture stuff.

ANNABETH: [Nodding] Yes. First, we need to set a date and work out where this thing’s happening.

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] Next Friday? It’s Wednesday today, so that gives us 9 days.

ANNABETH: Sure. Let’s say next Friday. For the venue, I’m thinking the mess hall makes the most sense, as it’s the only spot big enough for everyone. We can use the surrounding outdoor space for overflow - it’s not like the mess hall is an actual building, so it won’t matter if it’s not totally contained inside.

CONNOR: Sounds awesome. So, we need to sort out food and drinks, right?

ANNABETH: Right. Which means you guys are gonna need to speak to the dryads.

CONNOR: …Us?

ANNABETH: [Smiling coolly] This is your party, sunshine. I’m here to help, not do it all for you.

CONNOR: Ugh, fine. But the dryads…

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] Well, they don’t like us much.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CONNOR

CONNOR: I don’t know why, but they really hate us.

CONNOR: [Thinking] I mean, I guess we’ve done some pranks on them before…

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] We did a LOT of pranks on them. Like, loads.

CONNOR: [Resigned] Oh, BLEEP.

THE SCENE CUTS BACK TO ANNABETH IN HER CABIN

ANNABETH: Look, if you want an in with the dryads, you’ll need an ally. Someone who speaks their language. Someone like…a child of Demeter?

ANNABETH SMILES SWEETLY AT THE CAMERA. CONNOR TURNS TO THE CAMERA AS WELL WITH AN APOLOGETIC EXPRESSION.

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] OH HADES NO.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH TRAVIS:

TRAVIS: Look, me and Katie have been in this…situationship…for like, years. Sometimes I think she hates me. Sometimes I think she tolerates me. Sometimes she wants to make out with me. I don’t get it! I don’t understand women at all.

CONNOR: [Behind camera] Do you like her?

TRAVIS: [Blushing] I don’t see how that’s relevant.

THE CAMERA RAPIDLY CUTS OUT. THE SCENE CHANGES, AND THIS TIME TRAVIS IS IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA, WITH CONNOR DOING THE FILMING. THEY ARE STOOD OUTSIDE THE DEMETER CABIN.

TRAVIS: [Sweating profusely] Here goes nothing.

CONNOR: [Behind camera] You got this, bro.

TRAVIS WALKS INTO THE DEMETER CABIN. KATIE IS SAT AT A DESK, ORGANISING PLANT CUTTINGS. WHEN TRAVIS WALKS IN HER FACE IS UNREADABLE, BUT SHE GLANCES QUESTIONINGLY AT THE CAMERA

TRAVIS: Hey, girl. How’s it hang-going. What’s…how’s, uh…how are you, sister?

TRAVIS TRIES TO LEAN AGAINST THE WALL, BUT IT’S FURTHER AWAY THAN HE THOUGHT AND HE CRASHES AGAINST IT. KATIE STIFLES A LAUGH.

KATIE: What do you want, Travis?

TRAVIS: Well, the thing is…the situation is….basically…[TRAVIS looks pleadingly at the camera]

CONNOR: [Behind camera] Me and Travis are planning a Camp Half-Blood Prom.

KATIE: [Perking up] Oh?

TRAVIS: Yep. You know, music, dancing, Annabeth in a dress…wait no, that’s what I told Percy to get him on board. Sorry, my head’s a little scrambled. [Nervous laughing]

CONNOR: It’s gonna be next Friday in the mess hall, and it’s going to be epic!

TRAVIS: Yep! And I came in here to ask you one question.

KATIE: [Straightens up, looking excited] Yes?

TRAVIS: [Grinning] Katie Gardner, will you…help us talk to the dryads to get them to do the catering?

KATIE: [Visibly disappointed, the smile gone from her face, now replaced by a scowl] BLEEP off, Travis.

TRAVIS: What? What did I do?

KATIE: Get the BLEEP out of my cabin. Now.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH TRAVIS

TRAVIS: Is it possible that Katie thought I was about to ask her to Prom and then instead I asked for help with the dryads? Haha, that’s a crazy thought. That’s…that’s….that actually might be correct. Oh. [Puts his head in his hands] OH BLEEP.

THE SCENE CHANGES. TRAVIS IS APPROACHING ANNABETH AND PERCY, WHO ARE SAT BY THE CANOE LAKE. ANNABETH IS COMFORTING PERCY, WHO IS NOW FULLY CLOTHED.

ANNABETH: It’s okay, Seaweed Brain. You didn’t do anything wrong.

PERCY: [Agonised] I can’t believe I didn’t notice what she was doing! I’m so dumb.

ANNABETH: You’re not dumb. You just weren’t thinking in that way, so you didn’t realise she was. If anything, it makes you more innocent.

TRAVIS: Hey guys, sorry to interrupt.

ANNABETH: What do you want, Travis?

TRAVIS: Good news! Katie won’t help. So we need another in with the dryads.

ANNABETH: How the BLEEP is that good news, Travis?

TRAVIS: It’s not, I was just trying to put you in a good mood for a second.

ANNABETH: [Stares directly into the camera]

PERCY: Wait, you guys need someone to help you with the dryads?

TRAVIS: Yeah. For, uh, some unknown reason, they’re not real big fans of us.

PERCY: [Thoughtful] Maybe it’s from all the times you threw toilet paper over their trees. Or the times you pretended like you were gonna start fires in the woods. Or the times you tried to take cuttings of their branches for “science reasons.” Or when-

CONNOR: [Behind camera] Damn, Percy. We get it. Got anything helpful to say?

PERCY: Yeah man, why don’t you talk to Grover? He’s literally dating Juniper. Maybe he can help.

TRAVIS: That’s…that’s actually a really good idea. Wow.

PERCY: [Quietly, sulkily] I have good ideas, too.

ANNABETH: [Pats PERCY’S arm encouragingly]

TRAVIS: Thanks, man. [Turns to Annabeth] We’ll report back soon.

ANNABETH: Can we rendezvous tomorrow? Today’s been crazy and my head hurts. I need a break from problem solving.

PERCY: Yeah, and we have…[Glances at ANNABETH conspiratorially] plans.

ANNABETH: [Blushing] Ahem…yep, we have plans. So you guys can leave now.

TRAVIS: Ew. Whatever. Bye, guys.

ANNABETH: [Turning back to PERCY, confused] Wait, Seaweed Brain, where’d your shirt go?

AS THE CAMERA PANS TO FOLLOW TRAVIS LEAVING, CLARISSE IS SPOTTED HIDING BEHIND A LOG AROUND 20 METRES AWAY. SHE IS SCOWLING AT PERCY AND ANNABETH. WHEN SHE SPOTS THE CAMERA, SHE QUICKLY DUCKS BACK BELOW THE LOG.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CLARISSE

CLARISSE: [Arms folded over chest and a steely expression] I am not stalking them. I’m just doing some…research.

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] From behind a log?

CLARISSE: [Turning red] Look, it’s not easy for those of us who are dating, okay? There’s virtually no privacy at Camp. And my boyfriend doesn’t just so happen to have his own BLEEP-ing cabin to himself. So I’m just making sure that everyone is following the rules. Regardless of any…advantages.

CONNOR: [Behind camera] That’s so weird, man.

CLARISSE: Look, I know those punks are sneaking around. But I need proof before I can expose them. So I’m just…keeping tabs.

TRAVIS: Ew, what the Hades, Clarisse. You’re gross.

CLARISSE: [Getting up from her chair in a rage] Oh, you wanna insult me, Stoll? Why don’t you BLEEP-ing come back from behind that BLEEP-ing camera and BLEEP-

THE SCENE CHANGES ABRUPTLY. IT’S EARLY EVENING AT CAMP, AND A LITTLE WHILE UNTIL LIGHTS OUT. CONNOR IS WALKING IN THE FOREST.

CONNOR: According to Percy, Grover should be around here hanging out with Juniper. Grover’s a pretty chill guy. I’m hopeful he’ll wanna help us.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Dude, we better do this quick.

CONNOR: Yeah, give him less time to get out of it.

TRAVIS: No, I mean it’s getting dark, and this thing can’t pick up much without good lighting.

CONNOR: Oh. Oh, right.

THE CAMERA PANS TO A CLEARING. GROVER AND JUNIPER ARE SAT SIDE-BY-SIDE LEANING AGAINST A TREE. GROVER IS PLAYING 'SANDSTORM' BY DARUDE ON THE PANPIPES WHILE JUNIPER BRAIDS FLOWERS INTO HER HAIR.

CONNOR: Hey, guys. Nice pipes.

GROVER: Oh, hey Connor…Travis…camera?

JUNIPER: [Scowling at both boys] Stolls.

CONNOR: Yeah…so, um, you guys enjoying the evening?

GROVER: Yeah, we are…[Suddenly grows tense] Why? What are you planning?

CONNOR: Nothing! Well, actually we are planning something-

JUNIPER: [In a martial arts stance] GET AWAY FROM ME YOU SCOUNDRELS! KEEP YOUR TOILET PAPER TO YOURSELVES!

CONNOR: [Holding up both hands] Hey, not a prank! This is a no-prank zone! See, we even brought a…a white flag.

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] We did?

CONNOR: Yeah, that…napkin in your pocket.

TRAVIS: [Fumbles in his pocket and produces a crumpled white napkin. He holds it out] Behold…?

JUNIPER: You better not drop that in the forest, you degenerates. It will take years to break down. Years!

GROVER: What do you guys want? We’re kinda having a romantic evening over here.

CONNOR: Well, it’s funny you should mention that, because romantic evenings are exactly what we’re about, too.

GROVER: Baahaa!…Oh, you’re serious?

CONNOR: Yep. We’re planning a…Camp Half-Blood prom!

JUNIPER: [Crosses arms over chest and stares directly into camera]

GROVER: Huh?

CONNOR: You know. Music, dancing, friends, Annabeth in a dr- dammit Travis, now that’s in my head. Look. Point is. It will be fun.

GROVER: Uh, cool, man. But why are you telling us?

JUNIPER: [Glaring] Because they want something. Don’t you?

CONNOR: Us? No. Well, yes. Maybe. A little.

GROVER: What do you want from us?

JUNIPER: They want the dryads to cater for it. Don’t you?

CONNOR: [Caught off-guard] Uhh…

JUNIPER: [Tutting] Typical! As if we don’t slave away enough keeping you ungrateful brats fed. Now you expect us to do overtime so that you can…gyrate on each other?

CONNOR: No! No, that’s not what we want at all.

JUNIPER: Okay, so why are you here?

CONNOR: [Uncomfortable] Um…[Speaking very quickly and quietly] Toaskyoutocatertheprom.

JUNIPER: Pardon?

CONNOR: To please ask if the dryads could, um. Help with catering.

JUNIPER: [Glares into the camera, silent]

GROVER: Why are you guys trying to do a prom, anyway? It doesn’t really seem like your thing. Granted, the only ‘thing’ you guys have that I know about is pranks. And theft.

CONNOR: [Defeated, uncharacteristically sincere] We just wanted to do something nice for everyone. It’s been a tough year. And I mean the whole year. Last summer was a war, and we lost friends. Then Percy went missing, and that sucked for all of us a lot more than we admitted. Especially because Annabeth went kinda insane. And then we had another battle for our lives this summer. More death. Life just kinda sucks for demigods, you know? So why not try and do something fun while we can?

TRAVIS: [Starts sniffing behind the camera] Yeah. Yeah, that about sums it up.

CONNOR: But just forget it. Sorry for asking. We’ll be out of your way.

CONNOR AND TRAVIS START TO LEAVE, GLUM.

JUNIPER: Wait!

THE CAMERA PANS BACK. JUNIPER STILL LOOKS FRUSTRATED, BUT HER FACE HAS SOFTENED.

JUNIPER: [Sighs] Okay, maybe it’s not a terrible idea.

GROVER: [Wipes a tear from his eye] Yeah, not a terrible idea.

JUNIPER: It’s just, the dryads do so much work already. Is there any way we can, I don’t know, lighten the burden a little?

GROVER: What if I got the satyrs to help?

JUNIPER: You think that would work?

GROVER: I’m a Lord of the Wild, I’m pretty sure I can rally a team of goats to cut sandwiches.

JUNIPER: [Smiling fondly] Yeah, I’m sure you could. But it would be a lot of work for you.

GROVER: [Sniffing] Nah, it’s worth it if my friends can have fun. Especially Percy. I missed him so much. [GROVER starts crying]

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH GROVER

GROVER: [Quietly sobbing] Percy…he was gone so long…

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] It’s okay man, take your time.

GROVER: [Weeps]

CUT BACK TO SCENE IN THE WOODS

JUNIPER: Aww, sweetie. [Takes Grover’s hand]

CONNOR: So…is that a yes?

JUNIPER: Yes. But don’t you dare make us regret this, Stoll. I’m keeping an eye on you both!

CONNOR: Thank you so much! This is gonna be epic! [High-fives them both, and then high-fives TRAVIS]

JUNIPER: Now run along, this is date night.

CONNOR AND TRAVIS LEAVE EXCITEDLY. GROVER STARTS PLAYING 'CREEP' BY RADIOHEAD ON THE PANPIPES. THE SCENE ENDS.

THE CAMERA CUTS BACK ON ABRUPTLY IN THE CABIN AREA, TRAINED ON THE GRASS. IT IS DARK AND AFTER LIGHTS OUT. THE HARPIES ARE SCREECHING IN THE DISTANCE.

CONNOR: [Whispering] Dude, I swear I’m not crazy! The Poseidon cabin door just opened on its own!

THE CAMERA PANS WILDLY TO CABIN 3, BUT WHATEVER CONNOR SAW IS GONE. THEN, THERE IS MOTION JUST NEXT TO THE CABIN.

CONNOR: What the BLEEP?

BOTH BOYS RUN TOWARDS CABIN 3. IT IS DARK AND HARD TO SEE ANYTHING. AS THEY GET CLOSER, A FIGURE RUNS OUT FROM THE CORNER AND STARTS SPRINTING AWAY.

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] Is that…Clarisse?

CONNOR: Ew, she is a stalker.

THE CLEANING HARPIES’ SCREECHING GETS LOUDER.

TRAVIS: [Off camera] Ah BLEEP, let’s get out of here.

THE CAMERA ABRUPTLY SHUTS OFF.

THE CAMERA COMES BACK ON AND THE SCENE IS IN THE MESS HALL. ANNABETH CHASE, PIPER MCLEAN, CLARISSE LA RUE, AND RACHEL DARE ARE SAT AT A TABLE LOOKING AT DESIGNS ON PAPER. RACHEL IS HOLDING A PENCIL AND SKETCHING SOMETHING. THE OTHER GIRLS ARE TALKING ANIMATEDLY WITH THEIR HANDS. CONNOR APPROACHES, TALKING TO THE CAMERA AS THEY GET CLOSER TO THE GIRLS.

CONNOR: It’s a beautiful morning in Long Island Sound. A couple of days has passed since we started this journey, and things are coming together. [CONNOR beckons the camera to follow him] Let’s see how things are going at the centre of operations.

CONNOR: [Walking up to the table and clearing his throat] ‘Sup, ladies.

RACHEL SMILES AWKWARDLY AT THE CAMERA. PIPER NODS. ANNABETH YAWNS AND STRETCHES, WHICH MAKES CLARISSE GIVE HER THE SIDE-EYE.

CONNOR: [With sunny expression] So, how’s the decorations planning going?

RACHEL: Um, good, we think. We’ve drawn up some initial ideas. We decided on a Hollywood Glamour theme, so we’re keeping things sophisticated. You know, lots of velvet and crystals and stuff.

PIPER: Maybe a red carpet.

ANNABETH: And we were just discussing the best way to rig up lighting and sound, seeing as the mess hall doesn’t have a roof. Rachel and I were analysing the structural properties of the columns and how we might be able to use them.

CLARISSE: [Realising she is the only one who hasn’t spoken] Uh, yeah. What those guys said.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CLARISSE

CLARISSE: Why did I volunteer to join the planning committee? No reason. I just really like…decorations. Yeah. Wanna get more in touch with my feminine side. [Long pause where no one says anything] And if I also get to keep tabs on a certain blonde and her…night time habits. Then I guess that’s a win, too.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] Dude.

CLARISSE: Shut UP, Stoll.

CUT BACK TO SCENE IN THE MESS HALL

ANNABETH: [Yawns] Sorry, didn’t get much sleep last night.

CLARISSE: [Scowling] I bet you didn’t.

ANNABETH: What?

CLARISSE: Nevermind. So anyway, the columns.

RACHEL: Yes! The columns. Annabeth and I were thinking we could probably rope in some Hephaestus kids to help build some kind of structure.

ANNABETH: Exactly. And Piper knows all about Hollywood for, um…reasons.

PIPER: Yep. This is a pretty great team. Rachel has the artistic flair, Annabeth has the technical skills, I know Hollywood, and Clarisse…she’s, uh…

RACHEL: The brawn! We need someone to help, um, lift the heavy equipment.

CLARISSE: [Grins and flexes her biceps]

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH RACHEL, PIPER, AND ANNABETH

ANNABETH: Honestly, I have no idea why she wanted to join.

RACHEL: Right! It makes zero sense.

PIPER: But also, we need all the help we can get. And Clarisse is pretty cool.

ANNABETH: Yeah, I feel like we’ve all come a long way as friends. And I’m sure she’ll prove to be helpful in her own way.

RACHEL: Yeah…yeah, I’m sure this team will be awesome.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CLARISSE

CLARISSE: Do I have many female friends? Why, you need me to set you up with someone? [Clarisse slaps her knee and laughs so hard she starts snorting]

CUT BACK TO THE SCENE IN THE MESS HALL

CONNOR: Well, it looks like you ladies have it all under control.

ANNABETH: Hey, when are you guys gonna formally announce this thing?

CONNOR: [Caught off-guard] What?

RACHEL: Yeah, I mean, it’s Friday today which means the prom is in a week, but you guys haven’t even told everyone about it yet.

CONNOR: [Facepalming] Ah BLEEP. Okay, we’ll add that to today’s tasks. Right after we do that thing for Mr D.

ANNABETH: [Looking at the boys suspiciously] Do a thing for Mr D?

CONNOR: Urm, nope. I said “Buy some Sunny D.” Damn, Annabeth, you got owl feathers in your ears or what? [Laughs nervously]

CLARISSE: [Roars with laughter] Owl feathers in her ears! Oh, that’s good.

CONNOR: [Even more nervously] Um, thank you?

TRAVIS: [From behind the camera] We should get going. Leave you to it.

CONNOR: Yep! See you later!

ANNABETH: [Still frowning at the camera]

THE SCENE CHANGES AND WE ARE STOOD IN THE HERMES CABIN. IT IS EMPTY, EXCEPT FOR CONNOR AND TRAVIS. TRAVIS IS STILL BEHIND THE CAMERA. CONNOR LOOKS A LITTLE STRESSED BUT HE IS SMILING TIGHTLY.

CONNOR: [In a low voice] So, sometimes in life, you gotta make some deals to get what you want.

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] Yeah, I mean. We’re demigods. Our parents and ancestors have been doing weird side quests for each other since forever.

CONNOR: Exactly. You know, I’ll scratch my back, you’ll scratch yours.

TRAVIS: No, dude, it’s “I’ll scratch your back, you’ll scratch mine.”

CONNOR: What?

TRAVIS: You said you’d scratch your own back and they’ll scratch theirs. That’s not the saying.

CONNOR: Why would I wanna scratch someone else’s back?

TRAVIS: [Losing patience] No, like, that’s the point. You can’t scratch your own back so someone else has to.

CONNOR: That’s gross. And what about back scratchers? Or a stick?

TRAVIS: [Annoyed] Mom was right, you are a lost cause.

CONNOR: EXCUSE ME-

THE CAMERA SHUTS OFF AS CONNOR LUNGES AT TRAVIS. IT THEN TURNS BACK ON, TRAINED ON CONNOR, WHO LOOKS A LITTLE RUFFLED BUT OTHERWISE FINE.

CONNOR: So anyway, as I was saying. Sometimes you have to…do favours for people. And in order to make this prom happen, we promised a favour to Mr D. [CONNOR suddenly grimaces and looks past the camera to TRAVIS] Hey, uh, is it a good idea for us to put this on camera? Kinda feels like we’re recording our own confession tape.

TRAVIS: Dude, if this thing goes wrong, we’ll be dead before anyone worries about a confession.

CONNOR: [Slightly panicked] Oh, um. Good point. So, uh. May as well tell all.

TRAVIS WALKS FURTHER FORWARD WITH THE CAMERA. CONNOR LOOKS OVER HIS SHOULDER AND THEN LEANS IN.

CONNOR: [Whispering] So, we made a deal with Mr D. We can have our prom, so long as he can get drunk.

CONNOR: [Smiles fearfully into the camera and raises a shaky thumbs up]

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] I don’t know, man. Maybe we should ask Annabeth for help.

CONNOR: Are you kidding? She’ll skewer us. No, we need to figure this out on our own. And I know just the place to start. Follow me.

THE SCENE CHANGES AND CONNOR IS WALKING IN THE CABIN AREA. CONNOR TALKS AS THEY WALK.

CONNOR: So, for context, our good old camp director Mr D is currently experiencing a dry spell. His dad, Ze- ahem, I mean, The Big Guy, sent him here as punishment for an incident with a nymph. So he’s on an alcohol ban, which sucks if you’re the god of wine, which he is.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Yeah…yeah, this is gonna be tricky.

CONNOR: But where there’s a will, there’s a way!

TRAVIS: And where there’s a Stoll, there’s a crime.

CONNOR: Yeah. Wait, what?

TRAVIS: Forget it.

CONNOR: Okay…anyway, I know just the person to start with.

THE BOYS HAVE REACHED THE DIONYSUS CABIN. THEY ENTER, FINDING POLLUX SAT ON HIS BUNK READING GRAPES OF WRATH.

CONNOR: ‘Sup, man.

POLLUX: ‘Sup, guys. [Notices camera] Hey, what’s with the-

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Just pretend I’m not here.

CONNOR: [Awkwardly] So, uh, how’s the book?

POLLUX: Lame. Not what I thought it would be at all.

CONNOR: Shame. Well, if you have a second, we had a question.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re doing some…research. For a science project.

POLLUX: [Dubious] A science project? What, does leaving fake spiders in the Athena cabin count as science now?

CONNOR: Haha, classic. But no. This is something more in your wheelhouse.

POLLUX: Uh, okay. What’s up?

CONNOR: We were just wondering. Strictly out of curiosity. Is there anything out there that can simulate the effects of alcohol, without being alcohol?

POLLUX: [Smiling] Now we’re talking.

CONNOR: [Turns to the camera and smiles]

POLLUX: There’s fermented things, like kombucha. Although you’d need a lot of kombucha to get drunk, and technically you’d still be drinking alcohol. And then there’s things like gummies, which are CBD-based and can make you seem kinda drunk.

CONNOR: Hm, we need it to be a drink, and it needs to be non-alcoholic.

POLLUX: [Thinking] A lot of Pacific Island cultures have a ceremonial drink called Kava. It’s ground from a root. Tastes like dirt, but can mimic the effects of alcohol. A little can make your lips and tongue tingle, and a lot can make you slur your speech and go all woozy. That’s probably the closest you can get to alcohol without actually being alcohol.

CONNOR: Fascinating. And where could we, um, acquire some Kava?

POLLUX: I’d have to make a few calls, but I could probably get you some. I’m friends with some Fijian dudes. But first, you’re gonna need to do something for me.

CONNOR: [Nodding, speaking conspiratorially] Need me to…you know…scratch your back?

POLLUX: Yeah dude, how did you know?

POLLUX GETS UP AND LIFTS HIS SHIRT, REVEALING HIS BACK TO CONNOR.

POLLUX: There’s this bit on the bottom left I just can’t get to.

CONNOR: [Looks directly into the camera]

THE SCENE CHANGES AND CONNOR IS WALKING IN THE CABIN AREA AGAIN.

CONNOR: Okay, so the good news is, Pollux is gonna get us some Kava. And he even said that his dad might not know about it, as those Pacific Island cultures have their own strong traditions and gods. The Greek gods haven’t made much headway in that part of the world. From the sounds of things, his dad’s one love is alcohol, so with any luck this is totally new to him.

TRAVIS: [From behind the camera] So, what now? What’s next on the list?

CONNOR: [Grinning] We need to tell the masses to get ready for prom!

THE SCENE CHANGES AGAIN. WE ARE IN THE MESS HALL DURING DINNER. ALL CAMPERS ARE CURRENTLY EATING AND TALKING. CONNOR WALKS UP THE THE MIDDLE OF THE HALL WITH A MICROPHONE.

CONNOR: [Voice booming in the mic] Good evening, demigods!

CONVERSATIONS GRADUALLY COME TO A HALT. PEOPLE LOOK AT CONNOR WITH A MIXTURE OF CONFUSION, ANNOYANCE, AND FEAR. MR D ROLLS HIS EYES.

CONNOR: If you could all give me just a few minutes of your time, I have some exciting news to share!

COLLECTIVE GROANING FROM THE CAMPERS

RANDOM CAMPER 1: Is this a prank?

RANDOM CAMPER 2: This better not be a prank, Stoll!

RANDOM CAMPER 3: Hey, that’s the guy who stole my towel from the showers!

CONNOR: Guys! This is not a prank. And um, sorry about the towel, I’ll give that back. But anyway, this is something much better! This is an invitation. To Prom!

EVERYONE IS COMPLETELY SILENT. ANNABETH PUTS HER HEAD IN HER HANDS. RACHEL STANDS UP.

RACHEL: Um, to add to what Connor is saying, a few of us are organising a Camp Half-Blood Prom for next Friday! The theme will be Hollywood Glamour, and it will be happening right here in the mess hall!

EXCITED MURMURING FROM THE CAMPERS. RACHEL LOOKS PLEASED WITH HERSELF.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH RACHEL

RACHEL: Yeah, I guess people around here respect me. I guess that’s what happens when you’re the Oracle of Delphi. But really, I’m excited about the Prom. I…foresee it being a success. [RACHEL snorts]

CUT BACK TO THE MESS HALL

CONNOR: Thanks, Rach. And yes, it’s not just me organising it. We also have Annabeth.

RELIEVED SIGHS FROM CAMPERS

ANNABETH: [Stands up] Yeah, guys. It’ll be fun. We’ve had a tough year, so let’s celebrate something.

DREW: [Calling out from her seat, looking directly at the Poseidon table] Is anyone else going?

PIPER AND CLARISSE BOTH STAND UP AND RAISE THEIR HANDS

DREW: No, like, any boys?

CONNOR: Drew, me and Travis are literally organising it.

DREW: [Getting annoyed] No, I mean like…[Nods towards Percy]

CONNOR: Oh! Oh, yeah. Uh. On a totally unrelated note, Percy, you’re keen, right?

PERCY HAS BEEN WATCHING THE WHOLE INTERACTION AND IS REALISING SOMETHING. HE NARROWS HIS EYES AT CONNOR, WHO LOOKS AT HIM PLEADINGLY.

PERCY: [Tightly] Yep. I’m going.

DREW: [Smiling] Awesome. We’re in.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH PERCY

PERCY: [Glaring] Is that all I am to you guys? Just a piece of meat?

CONNOR: [From off camera] Percy, you are literally not wearing a BLEEP-ing shirt right now.

PERCY: [Confused, looking down] Huh?

CUT BACK TO MESS HALL. CAMPERS ARE CHATTERING EXCITEDLY. ANNABETH GETS EVERYONE’S ATTENTION.

ANNABETH: Okay, so now it’s announced, we need some volunteers to help things run smoothly. If you wanna join the committee, come and talk to one of us.

RANDOM CAMPER: Are we gonna be voting for Prom King and Queen?

ANNABETH: [Looks expectantly at CONNOR]

CONNOR: Uh, sure, why not.

MORE EXCITED MURMURING.

CONNOR: Alright! Let’s get hype, demigods!

CLARISSE: [Standing up] All of you better come or else.

THE CAMPERS ARE SILENT, FEARFUL.

CONNOR: Or else…you’ll miss the fun! Stoll out. [CONNOR drops the mic]

THE CAMPERS CHEER, CLEARLY VERY EXCITED. CONNOR GRINS AND GIVES A THUMBS UP TO THE CAMERA. THE CAMERA CUTS OUT.

THE SCENE CHANGES. IT IS JUST AFTER DINNER AND PEOPLE ARE LEAVING THE MESS HALL. PERCY APPROACHES CONNOR, WHO IS TALKING TO PIPER AND RACHEL. ANNABETH IS A FEW METRES AWAY TALKING TO CLARISSE.

PERCY: Hey, I had a question for the committee.

PIPER: Shoot.

PERCY: Are we allowed to do, what are they called? Promposals?

PIPER: [Grinning, glancing over at Annabeth] Why? What did you have planned?

ANNABETH SEEMS TO SENSE SOMETHING IS GOING ON. SHE GLANCES OVER AT THE CONVERSATION AND FROWNS.

PERCY: [Shrugs] Maybe something. Maybe nothing. Depends if we’re allowed or not.

RACHEL: Oh, it’s definitely allowed. And encouraged. Just don’t break any rules while you’re doing it.

PERCY: [Grinning wildly] Oh, I won’t. Hey Connor, can I borrow your mic some time?

CONNOR: Um, sure. Why?

PERCY: You’ll see.

PERCY BOLTS FROM THE MESS HALL, YELLING FOR GROVER. ANNABETH WATCHES WITH A SUSPICIOUS EXPRESSION. SHE NOTICES TRAVIS IS FILMING HER AND STARES DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH ANNABETH

ANNABETH: [Anxious] What is Seaweed Brain planning?

CONNOR AND TRAVIS: [Silence from behind the camera]

ANNABETH: [Terrified] Oh BLEEP, what is he planning?

THE SCENE CUTS BACK TO THE MESS HALL. ANNABETH APPROACHES RACHEL AND PIPER. CONNOR HAS NOW WALKED AWAY, BUT TRAVIS IS STILL FILMING FROM BEHIND A COLUMN, UNNOTICED. THE DIALOGUE IS SURPRISINGLY CLEAR FROM THIS DISTANCE.

ANNABETH: So, it’s really happening, huh?

PIPER: I know. I actually can’t believe they’ve pulled it off.

RACHEL: Well, they haven’t actually pulled it off yet. That’s why we’re here.

ANNABETH: [Chuckles] Good point. [Nudges PIPER] Hey, do you think Jason would come over for prom?

PIPER: [Visibly stiffens, but tries to play it cool] Oh, um, I hadn’t really thought about it. Maybe.

ANNABETH: [Frowns at her friend]

PIPER: Um, did we work out the music?

RACHEL: Yes! I’m happy to DJ if that’s cool with you guys.

ANNABETH: Sounds awesome. Anyway, I better go see what Seaweed Brain’s up to. Catch you guys in the morning.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH RACHEL

RACHEL: Seeing as I’m not spouting any prophecies at the moment, or having any prophetic visions, I’ve had a lot of free time on my hands. So I thought, why not pick up a new hobby? And that’s how I got into DJ’ing. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m going into it with the unearned confidence of a middle-aged, rich white man. [Pauses, becomes horrified] Oh BLEEP, I’m turning into my father.

THE SCENE CHANGES. WE ARE BACK IN THE CABIN AREA, AFTER LIGHTS OUT. THE CAMERA IS TRAINED ON THE GROUND.

CONNOR: [Off camera] I can’t believe things are actually working out.

TRAVIS: [Off camera] I know right, like we might actually pull this off.

OFF CAMERA, A VOICE CAN BE HEARD

VOICE: PSST! Over here!

CONNOR: Who the BLEEP is that.

THERE IS RUSTLING IN THE BUSH NEXT TO THE POSEIDON CABIN.

TRAVIS: [Off camera] Oh, not this again.

THE BOYS HEAD TOWARDS THE RUSTLING. THE CAMERA PANS UP AND CLARISSE IS STOOD IN THE DARKNESS. SHE PUTS A FINGER TO HER LIPS. WHEN THEY REACH HER, SHE LEANS IN.

CLARISSE: [Whispering] I know something’s going on in there.

CONNOR: Clarisse, this is getting really weird.

CLARISSE: Well then, let’s end this. You’ve got a camera. Let’s catch them at it.

TRAVIS: [Off camera] I literally don’t have words for how much I don’t want to do that. Let’s get out of here.

CLARISSE: If you don’t help me, I’ll tell the others about your little deal with Mr D.

CONNOR: [Freezes] What?

CLARISSE: [Smug] Oh, you thought that was a secret? Please. I’ve known the whole time.

CONNOR: How?

CLARISSE: …I have my ways.

TRAVIS: [Off camera] Oh, come on. You’ve been following us, haven’t you?

CLARISSE: Whatever. Now, come and help me expose these punks or I’m telling Princess, Curly, and Pipes in the morning.

CONNOR: Princess, Curly, and Pipes? Those are…those are kinda adorable nicknames.

CLARISSE: [Angrily] I know, that’s ‘cus they’re my friends, moron.

CONNOR: I am literally so confused right now.

CLARISSE: Just shut up and follow me.

CLARISSE CREEPS UP TO THE DOOR OF THE POSEIDON CABIN. SHE PULLS A LOCK-PICKING KIT OUT OF HER POCKET. JUST AS SHE IS ABOUT TO START PICKING THE LOCK, THE DOOR OPENS. PERCY IS STOOD THERE, GLOWERING AT ALL THREE OF THEM. HE ONLY OPENS THE DOOR ENOUGH TO SEE THEM, SO THEY CANNOT SEE INTO THE CABIN.

PERCY: [Angrily] Can I BLEEP-ing help you?

CLARISSE: [Stammers] Uhh…

CONNOR: How did you know we were here?

PERCY: Because you were talking so BLEEP-ing loud. I’ve literally heard quieter BLEEP-ing hellhounds.

CLARISSE, CONNOR AND TRAVIS ARE STUNNED INTO SILENCE. PERCY LOOKS AT THEM POINTEDLY.

PERCY: Well?

CLARISSE: Uh…surprise cabin inspection?

PERCY: Come back with a BLEEP-ing warrant.

PERCY SLAMS THE CABIN DOOR IN THEIR FACES.

CONNOR: [Red from embarrassment] That was so-

CLARISSE: Interesting.

CONNOR: What?

CLARISSE: Did you see him? His hair was a mess. And he was shirtless.

TRAVIS: [From behind the camera] His hair is always a mess and he’s, like, always shirtless for some reason. That proves nothing.

CLARISSE: I will catch them. Mark my words.

THE TRIO REMAIN FROZEN IN PLACE A MOMENT LONGER.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Can we go now?

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH MALCOLM PACE, SON OF ATHENA

MALCOLM: Annabeth is definitely in the Athena Cabin when I go to bed, and she is definitely there when I wake up in the morning. Why do you ask?

TRAVIS: [From behind the camera] We’re just…doing a survey.

MALCOLM: [Stares directly into the camera]

THE SCENE CHANGES. IT IS THE NEXT MORNING AND BREAKFAST IS ENDING IN THE MESS HALL. TRAVIS IS FILMING, PANNING THE CAMERA AROUND AND FOCUSING ON RANDOM PLATES AND CUPS.

CONNOR: [Off camera] Dude, what are you doing?

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] B-roll footage. Duh.

POLLUX APPROACHES THE TABLE, HOLDING A CUP OF COFFEE.

POLLUX: Hey, guys. Just wanted to give you an update.

CONNOR: [Beckons POLLUX closer, although not many campers are left at the table]

POLLUX: [Comes closer and leans in] I should have it by next Thursday.

CONNOR: Next Thursday? That’s cutting it a little fine.

POLLUX: Why? When’s the project due?

CONNOR: …Friday.

POLLUX: [Realising] Oh, uh, does this have something to do with the Prom? Because I don’t wanna-

CONNOR: Nope! Just a science project.

POLLUX: [Frowning at the boys] And who exactly has set you guys this ‘science project?’

CONNOR: Uh…

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Well…

CHRIS: Annabeth.

CONNOR, TRAVIS (WITH THE CAMERA) AND POLLUX ALL TURN SUDDENLY TO SEE CHRIS RODRIGUEZ AT THE END OF THE HERMES TABLE, LISTENING TO THE CONVERSATION.

CHRIS: It was Annabeth, right guys?

CONNOR: Um, yeah, Annabeth.

POLLUX: Why would Annabeth Chase be setting you science projects?

CONNOR: To, um. Keep us out of trouble.

TRAVIS: Redirect our energy somewhere more productive.

CONNOR: And you know what she’s like about deadlines. I mean, sheesh. [Laughs nervously]

POLLUX: Haha, too true. Well, whatever. It should definitely be with you guys on Thursday. Maybe. Probably. I’m sure Annabeth will be understanding. Percy’s back now, so she’s a little less crazy these days.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH POLLUX

POLLUX: When Percy was missing, Annabeth went a little insane. And I should know, my dad practically invented madness. Anyway, it got kinda intense. I guess none of us realised how much Percy grounds her. She was scary when he was gone.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH ANNABETH

ANNABETH: [Sighing] Yeah, I definitely wasn’t my best self when Percy was missing. In my defence, I had spent years thinking that he was gonna die when he turned 16, and then he didn’t and it was awesome, and we finally started dating, and just when I thought things might be okay, a certain BLEEP-ing goddess decides to BLEEP-ing steal him and wipe his BLEEP-ing memories. Like, can a girl catch a BLEEP-ing break? [Pauses, takes a breath] Sorry, I’m getting worked up again.

CUT BACK TO THE MESS HALL. POLLUX HAS WALKED AWAY. CONNOR TURNS TO CHRIS, AND SO DOES TRAVIS WITH THE CAMERA.

CHRIS: [Holding up his hands] What?

CONNOR: Dude, how did you know?

CHRIS: [Sighing] Clarisse may or may not have told me what she heard.

CONNOR: [Turning pale] What?

CHRIS: Don’t panic, I’m not gonna turn you in. I want this Prom to work.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Wait, really?

CHRIS: Yeah, I do. Clarisse is really excited about it. I want her to have a fun night. She deserves it.

CONNOR: Aw, wow…that’s so sweet.

CHRIS: I know. Now, you guys better get a grip on yourselves or it’s gonna blow up in your faces. Quit panicking. Make a plan.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Thanks, man. We’ll do our best.

CHRIS: Good. Because if you idiots ruin my first ever chance to see Clarisse in a dress, the gods will be the least of your problems. Got it?

CONNOR: Got it.

CHRIS GETS UP AND WALKS AWAY.

CONNOR: Dude, why is every guy around here obsessed with seeing girls wear dresses?

THE SCENE CHANGES. PERCY AND GROVER ARE IN THE AMPHITHEATRE. THEY ARE AT THE TOP, HIDDEN IN THE SEATING SECTION. BELOW, ANNABETH IS DEMONSTRATING ATTACK STYLES WITH A DAGGER FOR A CROWD OF DEMIGODS. PERCY AND GROVER HAVE A SPEAKER, AND PERCY IS HOLDING THE MIC THAT CONNOR HAD THE NIGHT BEFORE.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Are you sure this is a good idea?

PERCY: Oh, I’m sure.

CONNOR: Yeah, but this is Annabeth. I feel like she wouldn’t appreciate this kinda thing.

GROVER: Nah, this’ll work.

PERCY: Yeah, you don’t know my Wise Girl like I do.

PERCY STAND UP SO HE IS VISIBLE IN THE AMPHITHEATRE SEATS. GROVER TURNS ON THE SPEAKER. ‘CAN’T TAKE MY EYES OFF OF YOU’ BY FRANKIE VALLI STARTS PLAYING, FILLING THE AMPHITHEATRE WITH MUSIC. BELOW, ANNABETH AND THE CLASS LOOK UP IN CONFUSION.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH PERCY AND GROVER

PERCY: Annabeth’s favourite romcom is 10 Things I Hate About You. We actually watched it one time, before we were dating. We had a movie night with Grover and it was Annabeth’s turn to pick. She said it was based on Shakespeare so I thought it would be lame, but it was actually awesome.

GROVER: Baaahaaa! And it was hilarious. Within about ten minutes, Percy said that Kat Stratford reminded him of Annabeth-

PERCY: Which I stand by!

GROVER: And then I pointed out that Percy was a lot like Patrick Verona.

PERCY: [Grumbling] Also, annoyingly accurate.

GROVER: [Grinning] So when they got together it was…

PERCY: So awkward! Like, way to rub it in that I didn’t have the guts to ask her out.

GROVER: [Laughing] It was so funny! They couldn’t look at each other for the rest of the movie.

PERCY: Yeah, well, we rewatched it again not long after we started dating. It was way better the second time.

TRAVIS: [From behind the camera] Still, aren’t you worried this is a little…cheesy?

PERCY: Nah. [Suddenly sincere] I mean, I was gone for eight months. I missed Christmas, Valentines Day. Annabeth’s birthday was in Tar…the Bad Place. We’ve had it rough. And it was worse for Annabeth, because she was conscious the whole time. At least I got to sleep through most of it. Anyway, I wanna do something cheesy and cute for her, to make up for lost time. She deserves it. She deserves a public declaration of love that isn’t immediately followed by a fight for our lives, you know? I wanna make her feel special, because she is.

GROVER: [Sniffing] That’s beautiful, man.

PERCY: [Patting GROVER’S arm] Thanks, G-Man.

GROVER: [Between sniffs] And to think, this all started because she told you that you drool when you sleep. And then you fell in love immediately.

PERCY: [Blushing] Uh, it wasn’t quite like that.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Wait, you drool when you sleep?

PERCY: [Stares directly into the camera]

THE SCENE CUTS BACK TO THE AMPHITHEATRE. PERCY BEGINS SINGING THE WORDS, JUMPING BETWEEN THE BENCHES AND DANCING. ANNABETH IS BEET RED BUT GRINNING EAR-TO-EAR. MORE CAMPERS COME TO WATCH WHEN THEY HEAR THE MUSIC, SO QUITE A CROWD DEVELOPS. TOWARDS THE END, GROVER COMES OUT AND CHASES PERCY, JUST LIKE THE SECURITY GUARD IN THE MOVIE. ANNABETH FALLS ABOUT LAUGHING. WHEN THE SONG IS FINISHED, PERCY JUMPS DOWN THE STAIRS AND DOWN INTO THE ARENA.

PERCY: [Sweating, out of breath] Go to Prom with me, Wise Girl?

ANNABETH: [Laughing] Of course, Seaweed Brain.

THE COUPLE KISS PASSIONATELY. PEOPLE CHEER.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CHRIS

CHRIS: Damn, Percy set the bar SO high. Like, it was adorable and I’m super happy for them-

TRAVIS AND CONNOR: [Behind the camera] Oh, like, soo happy for them.

CHRIS: Right! Like, they deserve it and everything. After everything they've been through. [Pauses] But see, now I have to do something big!

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] I know. He’s set a precedent.

CHRIS: [Head in his hands] What am I gonna do? [Shakes fist] Damn you, Jackson. You’re too BLEEP-ing good.

THE SCENE CHANGES. IT IS DINNER TIME AND EVERYONE IS BUSY EATING. SUDDENLY, THERE IS A PUFF OF PINK SMOKE. FROM THE SMOKE, A BEAUTIFUL, IMPECCABLY DRESSED WOMAN IS NOW STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALL. SHE SMILES SERENELY AT EVERYONE. IT IS UNMISTAKABLY THE GODDESS APHRODITE.

TRAVIS: [Off camera] See, this is why you film b-roll. You catch moments like this!

CONNOR: Ssh, she’s talking.

APHRODITE CAMPERS: [Excited] Mom!

PIPER: [Groaning] Mom.

APHRODITE: Hello, darlings!

CHIRON: Um, hello, Lady Aphrodite. What…How…Why…

MR D: What the old horse is stammering, is what are you doing here?

APHRODITE: Do I need a reason to visit my darlings?

MR D ROLLS HIS EYES. CHIRON LOOKS TENSE. APHRODITE SAUNTERS TO THE APHRODITE CABIN TABLE AND GREETS HER CHILDREN WITH KISSES AND HUGS. PIPER LOOKS EDGY. THE OTHER CAMPERS ARE WATCHING WITH THEIR JAWS ON THE FLOOR.

MALE CAMPER 1: She looks like…Angelina Jolie.

MALE CAMPER 2: No, she looks like Anne Hathaway.

MALE CAMPER 3: I’m seeing Beyonce.

MALE CAMPER 4: Hey, she kinda looks like my mom.

MALE CAMPER 3: Your mom? What in the Freud, dude.

ONCE SHE IS DONE GREETING HER OFFSPRING, APHRODITE STRUTS TO THE HEAD TABLE AND FACES ALL THE DEMIGODS. SHE IS CLEARLY ENJOYING ALL THE WIDE EYES GAZING AT HER IN WONDER.

APHRODITE: Now, I hear that you are throwing a party, yes?

THE DEMIGODS ARE SILENT. APHRODITE LOOKS AROUND EXPECTANTLY.

APHRODITE: Don’t be scared, darlings. I don’t bite.

TRAVIS: [Whispering off camera] Dude, you need to say something.

CONNOR: Me? Why not you?

TRAVIS: Because I’m holding the camera, moron.

CONNOR: Fine.

CONNOR STANDS UP. APHRODITE SMILES SWEETLY AT HIM, HER HEAD COCKED TO ONE SIDE EXPECTANTLY. CONNOR IS THE SAME COLOUR AS APHRODITE’S RED LIPSTICK.

CONNOR: Uhhh…ummm…

ANNABETH: [Standing up, exasperated. She gives a quick, polite bow to APHRODITE] What Connor is trying to say, is that a few of us are planning a Camp Half-Blood Prom, my lady.

APHRODITE: Annabeth, my dear! Oh, you look lovelier every time I see you! Although I do wish you would wear your hair down sometimes. It would make you so much more alluring. Am I right, Percy? [APHRODITE glances at PERCY and winks]

PERCY: Uh…

ANNABETH: [Stares directly into the camera]

PIPER: [Standing up] Mom, can I ask what you’re doing here?

APHRODITE: [Holding out her arms] Why, I’m here to help, of course!

PIPER: [Stares at her mother in disbelief]

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH PIPER

PIPER: My mother does not help anyone. She meddles. She thinks she’s helping because no one ever tells her no, but she always makes things worse. Need I remind us all of the Trojan War? I bet Helen and Paris weren’t very impressed with her ‘help.’

CUT BACK TO THE MESS HALL.

RACHEL: [Stands up and bows quickly] My lady, we have most of it organised. May I ask…the nature of your…help?

APHRODITE: Well, I dare say none of you have the right clothes for a Prom. As far as I can tell, you are warriors who choose to don…cheap denim and…[Wrinkles nose] orange polyester t-shirts. I suppose none of you brought formal wear in your little backpacks. Am I correct?

APHRODITE LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM WITH EYEBROWS RAISED. DEMIGODS SHAKE THEIR HEADS, JAWS STILL SLACK.

APHRODITE: I thought as much. No matter. I, out of the kindness and generosity of my heart, will help you all look your best!

APHRODITE CLICKS HER FINGERS AND A LIGHT DUSTING OF PINK SMOKE RIPPLES THROUGH THE MESS HALL AND THEN DISSIPATES. CAMPERS ARE STUNNED INTO SILENCE. SOMEONE SNEEZES LOUDLY.

APHRODITE: [Smiling satisfactorially] In your closets you will each find an outfit that fits you perfectly and most enhances your natural beauty. I believe the theme was Hollywood Glamour, yes?

PIPER, ANNABETH, AND RACHEL NOD. CONNOR IS STILL STANDING UP BUT HE IS FROZEN IN PLACE.

APHRODITE: Wonderful. Such an inspired idea. Now, does anyone have any questions?

PIPER: Yes, um…why?

APHRODITE: [Oblivious to her daughter’s suspicion] Because I can, darling! And because I just adore young love. All the awkwardness, the innocence, the drama…it’s bliss. Wherever there is true love, I am present. Isn’t that right, Percy and Annabeth? [APHRODITE winks at them]

PERCY: [Blushing] Mhm.

ANNABETH: [Silent as her eye twitches]

APHRODITE: Now, I must be going. Much to do. But remember, all you brave young demigods. Wherever there is true love, I am with you. So be bold! And be beautiful!

APHRODITE VANISHES IN A BURST OF PINK SMOKE AND ROSE PETALS. THE CAMPERS REMAIN SILENT FOR SOME TIME. MR D HAS FALLEN ASLEEP. TRAVIS PANS THE CAMERA UP TO CONNOR, WHO IS STARING AT THE ROSE PETALS IN AWE.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Dude, you’re drooling. Who are you, Percy?

THE SCENE CHANGES. DEMIGODS ARE LEAVING THE AMPHITHEATRE AFTER THE CAMPFIRE. TRAVIS FILMS FROM A DISTANCE, SO NO ONE IS AWARE THAT THEY ARE ON CAMERA. ANNABETH, PIPER, RACHEL AND CLARISSE ARE ALL WALKING TOGETHER.

PIPER: I still can’t believe my mom came today. That’s so embarrassing.

RACHEL: [Grimacing] Yeah, awkward. But at least we got some nice clothes.

ANNABETH: Have you guys checked your closets yet? I’m too scared to look.

CLARISSE: I looked in mine. I just saw it was a dress so I screamed and shut the closet again.

ANNABETH: You’ve really never worn a dress before?

CLARISSE: I don’t know, dresses are for pretty girls. I never felt like a pretty girl.

RACHEL, PIPER AND ANNABETH ALL SAY ‘AWWW’ IN UNISON.

CLARISSE: [Embarrassed by their pity] Whatever. I’ll wear it anyway. I’m not scared of anything.

ANNABETH: That’s the spirit.

CLARISSE SPOTS CHRIS AND WALKS OVER TO HIM. ANNABETH, PIPER AND RACHEL ARE IN RELATIVE PRIVACY.

ANNABETH: Hey, Pipes, did you end up asking Jason if he wants to come?

PIPER: Oh, um. He can’t make it. Too much going on.

ANNABETH: Aw, that’s a shame. Sorry.

PIPER: [Shrugs] It’s okay.

RACHEL: Hey, I don’t have a date for the prom. Wanna go with me?

PIPER: [Smiling] Yeah, that would be awesome.

PIPER AND RACHEL HIGH FIVE. ANNABETH IS STILL LOOKING AT PIPER IN CONCERN, BUT SHE SENSES THAT PIPER DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. THE SCENE CUTS OUT.

WHEN THE CAMERA TURNS BACK ON, IT IS THE NEXT DAY AND WE ARE STOOD IN THE HERMES CABIN. THIS TIME, TRAVIS IS ON CAMERA AND CONNOR IS FILMING. TRAVIS LOOKS NERVOUS.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] Wanna tell us why we’re here today?

TRAVIS: Uh, sure. I’m, um. Well…I’m about to ask Katie to the prom. [TRAVIS looks past the camera at CONNOR] Do I really need to do this on camera?

CONNOR: Yeah, man. That’s kinda the point of a documentary. We’re like…David Attenborough. Or Louis La Rue.

TRAVIS: [Frowning] Who?

CONNOR: You know, that investigative journalist from England.

TRAVIS: Oh, you mean Louis Theroux?

CONNOR: …What did I say?

TRAVIS: You said Louis La Rue. That’s Clarisse’s last name.

CONNOR: [Annoyed] Whatever. You’re just stalling. Come on. Let’s go talk to Katie.

TRAVIS GOES TO LEAVE THE CABIN AND CONNOR FOLLOWS WITH THE CAMERA. AT THAT MOMENT, CHRIS WALKS UP TO THE CABIN DOOR, PANTING AND COVERED IN BLOOD.

TRAVIS: WHAT THE BLEEP.

CHRIS: [Catching his breath, leaning on the door] It’s…it was…

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] Don’t tell us Camp is under attack again.

CHRIS: [Shakes his head]

TRAVIS: So what the Hades happened, man? You look like a serial killer.

CHRIS: Clarisse…[Still trying to catch breath]

CONNOR: [Behind camera, alarmed] Clarisse what? Tried to kill you?

CHRIS: [Waves hand] Nah. Promposal.

TRAVIS: Excuse me?

CHRIS: [Now breathing more normally, smiling] I did a Promposal. She said yes.

TRAVIS: So then why the BLEEP are you covered in blood?

CHRIS: Huh? Oh, this? [Looks down at himself] That was part of it.

TRAVIS: Part of it?

CHRIS: Don’t worry. Just came in to grab some clothes so I can go shower. Catch you guys later.

CHRIS GETS HIS STUFF AND THEN RUNS BACK OUT OF THE CABIN. TRAVIS WATCHES HIM WITH WIDE EYES. NEITHER BROTHER SAYS ANYTHING FOR A MOMENT.

TRAVIS: So…my Promposal will be a lot less bloody.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] He says, hopefully.

TRAVIS: [Stares directly into the camera]

THE SCENE CHANGES. TRAVIS IS WALKING TOWARDS THE DEMETER CABIN. KATIE IS CURRENTLY TENDING TO THE PLANTS OUTSIDE THE CABIN. TRAVIS STOPS WALKING BEFORE HE GETS TOO CLOSE, AND TURNS TO THE CAMERA.

TRAVIS: So, for my Promposal, I wanted to surprise Katie. And I think I know just the thing.

TRAVIS WALKS UP TO KATIE, AND CONNOR REMAINS A LITTLE DISTANCE AWAY. KATIE IS WATERING SOME DANDELIONS. WHEN SHE SEES TRAVIS, HER FACE IS UNREADABLE.

TRAVIS: Hey, Katie. How’s it going.

KATIE: [Coolly] Travis. What do you want? Need more help with the dryads?

TRAVIS: Um, no. I, um, had something I needed to tell you.

KATIE: [Intrigued, a little hopeful] Yes?

TRAVIS: I just went to see Will Solace in the infirmary.

KATIE: [Concerned] Why?

TRAVIS: Well, it turns out, I’m not well. Katie, I’m really sick. I’m…I’m terminal.

KATIE: [Drops her watering can in shock, eyes wide] What?

TRAVIS: [Solemnly] Yeah. He said there’s nothing-

KATIE: [Bursts into tears] Oh, Travis. [She embraces him]

TRAVIS: [Surprised] Uh…I uh…

KATIE: You’re gonna fight this! There has to be something!

TRAVIS: Actually, there is one thing. One thing could save me.

KATIE: [Holding his hands] What is it?

TRAVIS: You…could come to prom with me.

KATIE STARES AT TRAVIS, UNBLINKING. THEN SHE DROPS HIS HANDS AND GLOWERS AT HIM.

KATIE: Ex-cuse-me?

TRAVIS: [Trying for an easy smile] So, whaddya say?

KATIE: You…you little…

KATIE PICKS UP HER WATERING CAN AND BEGINS USING IT TO HIT TRAVIS. TRAVIS SCREAMS AND STARTS RUNNING TOWARDS CONNOR, TERRIFIED. THE SCENE ABRUPTLY ENDS.

THE SCENE CHANGES AND WE ARE IN THE INFIRMARY. WILL SOLACE IS CHECKING OVER TRAVIS’S BRUISED AND SWOLLEN FACE. WILL LOOKS VERY UNIMPRESSED.

WILL: [Shining a flashlight into TRAVIS’S eyes] What’s your name?

TRAVIS: Travis Stoll.

WILL: [Holding up 3 fingers] How many fingers am I holding up?

TRAVIS: 3.

WILL: Who is the current president of the United States?

TRAVIS: [Thinking, but clearly doesn’t know so becomes annoyed] Wouldn’t you like to know, doctor boy.

WILL: Fine. [Holding up middle finger, which is censored] How many fingers am I holding up now?

TRAVIS: [Grumbling] 1.

WILL: [Picking up nectar] So, tell me again how this happened?

TRAVIS: I, uh, tripped.

WILL: [Disbelieving] You tripped? What, multiple times into different parts of your face?

TRAVIS: …Yes?

WILL: [Stares directly into the camera]

TRAVIS: Fine. It may or may not have been a watering can. Held by Katie.

WILL: Sounds about right.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH WILL

WILL: Travis comes to me with Katie-related injuries around once a month. They both kinda make each other insane. Probably because Travis is a moron and Katie’s too proud to admit her feelings. That seems to be the only dynamic anyone is capable of around here. [WILL thinks for a moment] I wonder if it’s got something to do with our parents being crazy. [Pauses] Eh, whatever. I’m a medic, not a BLEEP-ing shrink.

CUT BACK TO INFIRMARY SCENE

WILL: [Dabbing nectar onto TRAVIS’S wounds] Dude, you have got to work things out with her or you’re not gonna live to see the end of this year.

TRAVIS: [Wincing] That’s what I was trying to do.

WILL: By pranking her?

TRAVIS: It was supposed to be cute. Like, hey girl, only you can save me.

WILL: Yeah, because women famously love being lied to.

TRAVIS: Look, Katie is scary, okay? I don’t know how to approach her.

WILL: [Sighing] Well, she’s not the only scary girl around here, but other guys make it work.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera, gasping] Dude, he’s right! I know who we should ask for help!

TRAVIS: That’s cool, but can I lie down first? Either this room is spinning or my head is.

WILL: Oh, I’m actually rotating the room with my mind powers.

TRAVIS: Really?

WILL: No, you dumbass. Now lie down.

THE SCENE CHANGES. TRAVIS IS BACK BEHIND THE CAMERA AND CONNOR IS APPROACHING ANNABETH, WHO IS SITTING UNDER A TREE BY THE CANOE LAKE READING A BOOK.

CONNOR: Will gave me a great idea back in the infirmary. If we want advice on handling intimidating women, we need to go to the master himself: Percy Jackson.

THEY REACH ANNABETH. SHE LOOKS UP AT THEM AND SIGHS.

ANNABETH: What’s up? And- [Notices TRAVIS] What the BLEEP happened to you?

CONNOR: Ignore him. We, uh. We were looking for Percy, but we can’t find him. Do you know where he is?

ANNABETH: [Sighs, returns to her book] Fish mafia.

CONNOR: What?

ANNABETH: Fish. Mafia.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH PERCY

PERCY: Okay, so, there are these two major families of dolphins in Long Island Sound. They basically run the place. And they do not get along at all. It gets pretty messy. Sometimes they rope in sharks to do their dirty work. And innocent fish get caught up in it. Now and then things come to a head. Lots of fighting over territory and arguing over schools of tuna. Sometimes I have to get involved to try and mediate, otherwise…[PERCY chuckles darkly] Otherwise a lot of them would be sleeping with the fishes. [PERCY pauses and realises something] Which I guess isn’t so bad if you’re a fish.

CUT BACK TO SCENE WITH ANNABETH

CONNOR: Uh, do you know when he’ll be back?

ANNABETH: [Shrugs] Not sure. He left around an hour ago. Depends how long the dolphins monologue for.

CONNOR: I literally have…so many questions.

AT THIS MOMENT, POLLUX APPROACHES CONNOR, ANNABETH AND TRAVIS. CONNOR BECOMES VISIBLY ANXIOUS, LOOKING BETWEEN ANNABETH AND POLLUX.

POLLUX: Hey, guys.

CONNOR: Uh, hey, Pollux.

POLLUX: Just an update on your science project. We’re all set to receive it next Thursday. Now, did you want the ceremonial bowl and cup as well? Or just the ground Kava?

ANNABETH: [Looks between CONNOR and POLLUX, frowning]

CONNOR: Oh, um. Just the ground Kava, thanks.

POLLUX: Awesome. [Turns to ANNABETH] Who’d have thought these guys would be so into science? Anyway, see you guys later.

POLLUX WALKS OFF. ANNABETH PUTS HER BOOK DOWN AND GLARES AT CONNOR AND TRAVIS, ARMS FOLDED OVER HER CHEST.

ANNABETH: Kava? Science project?

CONNOR: We can explain.

ANNABETH: Oh, you better.

CONNOR: [Looks helplessly at TRAVIS] We, uh. We were, um…

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] We were doing some research. On Pacific Island cultures. Because…um…

CONNOR: Because we’re such big fans of Moana.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah. Huge fans.

ANNABETH: [Disbelieving] Really?

CONNOR: Oh, yeah. Big time.

ANNABETH: Name one character.

CONNOR: Um…Moana?

ANNABETH: [Rolling her eyes] Other than Moana.

CONNOR: Oh, um…so there’s, uh…

TRAVIS: The ocean. The ocean is a character, in its own way.

ANNABETH: That…[Frowning thoughtfully] Oh, that’s actually a really interesting idea.

CONNOR: Um, yeah. We’ll just…be going then.

CONNOR AND TRAVIS QUICKLY LEAVE WHILE ANNABETH IS LOST IN THOUGHT. THE CAMERA CUTS OUT.

THE SCENE CHANGES. IT IS DINNERTIME AGAIN. THE CAMPERS ARE EXTRA EXCITED. PEOPLE ARE CLAPPING AFTER YET ANOTHER PROMPOSAL. THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON CHIRON, WHO LOOKS EXHAUSTED. HE STANDS UP TO ADDRESS THE DEMIGODS.

CHIRON: Yes, very good, both of you. Now, if I may, I have an announcement for everyone.

THE DEMIGODS RETURN TO QUIETLY EATING AND DRINKING WHILE CHIRON SPEAKS.

CHIRON: I am glad to see some renewed vigour amongst you as we get ready for this Prom. But I must also remind you all that normal Camp rules still apply. When asking one another to Prom, please refrain from the following.

CHIRON PULLS OUT A CRUMPLED PIECE OF PAPER AND PUTS ON HIS READING GLASSES

CHIRON: Arson, maiming, writing messages in blood-

THE CAMERA PANS TO CHRIS, WHO SMILES SHEEPISHLY

CHIRON: Commandeering pegasi, using enchantments, shooting one another with quote unquote love arrows, using love potions, and…[squints at the paper] general tomfoolery.

CAMPER 1: Who’s General Tomfoolery?

CAMPER 2: Pretty sure that’s Connor.

CAMPER 3: Then who’s Travis?

CAMPER 4: Lieutenant Nonsense.

CHIRON: [Stares directly into the camera]

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CHIRON

CHIRON: Did I always want to work with children? Hm…

CUT BACK TO THE MESS HALL

CHIRON: I have also been asked by our very own resident Lord of the Wild to be extra considerate of the dryads as they assist in catering this event.

GROVER STANDS UP, WHICH MAKES MR D SCOFF.

GROVER: Hey, guys. So, uh, we all love the food at Camp, right? But that food doesn’t just come out of nowhere. The dryads work really hard keeping us all fed. So let’s be extra nice to them. Say thank you when you get your food. Don’t drop litter in the woods. And, uh, if you’re going to sneak into the woods for…alone time…with a special friend…maybe just check the trees around you aren’t occupied, okay?

CAMPERS MAKE DISGUSTED NOISES. GROVER LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE. THE CAMERA PANS BETWEEN THE VARIOUS COUPLES IN CAMP, WHO LOOK MORTIFIED.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH GROVER

GROVER: Look, I get it, it’s not easy to get privacy at Camp. But man, if trees could talk…wait, they literally can. That’s the problem.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH PERCY AND ANNABETH

PERCY: I don’t know why everyone’s looking at us!

ANNABETH: Right!? So unfair!

PERCY: It’s not like we would ever do that. We know the dryads, we respect them.

ANNABETH: [Nodding enthusiastically] Exactly. We have…decorum.

PERCY: Decorum? Is that a fancy word for-

ANNABETH: [Cutting him off, shaking her head vigorously] Nope. No.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CLARISSE AND CHRIS

CHRIS: [Laughing so hard he can hardly breathe]

CLARISSE: [Also in hysterics]

CUT BACK TO THE MESS HALL

GROVER: Okay, that’s all from me. Enjoy the night!

GROVER SITS BACK DOWN. CAMPERS BEGIN LEAVING THE DINING HALL.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Hey, Percy’s alone. Shall we go talk to him?

CONNOR: Good call. But I should film this, seeing as you’re the one who needs the help.

THE BOYS GET UP AND TRAVIS PASSES THE CAMERA TO CONNOR. THEY WALK OVER TO THE POSEIDON BENCH, WHERE PERCY IS CURRENTLY ZONED OUT AND STARING AT THE CANOE LAKE.

TRAVIS: ‘Sup, Percy.

PERCY: [A little vacant] Oh, hey man.

TRAVIS: You got a second?

PERCY: Sure. Sorry, I’m a little out of it. Big day.

TRAVIS: Fish mafia?

PERCY: [Exhausted] Yeah.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH PERCY

PERCY: Everyone thinks being the son of Poseidon is sooo cool and that I just get a bunch of water powers and stuff. And I do, but there’s responsibility, too. If I have to break up one more illegal jellyfish rave I swear I’m gonna BLEEP-ing lose it.

CUT BACK TO THE MESS HALL.

TRAVIS: Well, we won’t keep you long. I just wanted your advice on something.

PERCY: You want advice? From me?

TRAVIS: Yep. Um…girl advice.

PERCY: [Incredulous] What? Why?

TRAVIS: Because you literally have a girlfriend, dude.

PERCY: Oh. Oh, right.

TRAVIS: [Stands awkwardly, looking at PERCY]

PERCY: [Glances between TRAVIS and CONNOR/the camera] You, uh, gonna specify? Or am I supposed to read your mind? Because I can only do that if you’re half fish. Or half horse.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] Wait, does that mean you can read Chiron’s mind?

PERCY: Nah. The wrong part of him is a horse.

TRAVIS: Huh?

PERCY: His horse part is his bottom half, so there’s no horse brain. He has a human brain. So I can’t communicate telepathically with him.

TRAVIS: Wait, does that mean you could telepathically communicate with Chiron’s butt?

PERCY: [Smirking] If I could telepathically communicate with butts then I’d know what you’re thinking, Travis.

TRAVIS: [Offended] Hey!

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] Guys! We are way off topic here.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah. Um. Percy. How, like…so how…how come…how did you…why?

PERCY: [Blinking, confused. Looks over at CONNOR] Can you translate? I think your brother’s having a stroke.

CONNOR: [Sighing] Travis likes Katie. Katie attacked him with a watering can. Help.

PERCY: [Smirking] Oh, so that actually happened? I thought Miranda made it up.

TRAVIS: [Grumbling, rubbing his injured head] Whatever. Can you help me or not?

PERCY: [Sighs] So you like her but you don’t know how she feels, and you’re afraid of being vulnerable with her so you hide behind dumb pranks and jokes, and then she responds badly. Is that about it?

TRAVIS: [Stunned] I…yeah. Yeah, that’s right. BLEEP, you’re good.

PERCY: I’ve not even given you any advice yet.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah. So, um. What do I do?

PERCY: Well, you don’t lie to her, for starters. Girls don’t usually like being lied to.

TRAVIS: I got that.

PERCY: [Thoughtful] Look, you just need to be honest with her. No games. No jokes. No Stoll-ness. Just be you. You can’t control how she feels or responds, but at least you’ll know that she knows the truth.

TRAVIS: [Sighing] I was afraid you were gonna say that.

PERCY: [Raised eyebrow] What did you want me say?

TRAVIS: I wanted you to say that you, like, tricked Annabeth into liking you or something.

PERCY: You think Annabeth is dumb enough for that?

TRAVIS: [Defeated] Okay. Maybe not.

PERCY: [Looking at TRAVIS with sympathy] Look, if I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be to take some damn initiative. Stop waiting for someone else to tell you what to feel or what to do. Maybe then I wouldn’t have waited so long to do something about my feelings.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH PERCY

PERCY: I would also tell my younger self to invest in crypto. But um, yeah. Mostly Annabeth.

CUT BACK TO SCENE IN THE MESS HALL

TRAVIS: Dude, what do you mean you wanted someone else to tell you? We all told you. Like, constantly.

PERCY: [Confused] No, you didn’t.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] Yes, we did.

PERCY: Alright, fine. Maybe you did. And did I BLEEP you all off by not doing anything about it?

TRAVIS: Um, yeah.

PERCY: Then there’s your answer. BLEEP-ing do something about it.

TRAVIS: Wow…powerful words, man.

PERCY: [Notices ANNABETH approaching] Annabeth’s coming. You got any more questions before I go?

TRAVIS: [Nodding enthusiastically] Yes. You’re a New Yorker, right? And you were born in the ‘90s...did you witness 9/11?

PERCY: [Stares at TRAVIS with a slightly disturbed expression] I meant questions about girls, Travis.

TRAVIS: Oh. Oh, right. Um…nah.

AT THIS MOMENT, ANNABETH REACHES PERCY AND THE BOYS AT THE POSEIDON TABLE.

ANNABETH: Hey, Percy. Ready to go to the campfire?

PERCY: [Relieved] Very much. [Turns to TRAVIS] Remember what I said.

PERCY AND ANNABETH WALK AWAY HAND-IN-HAND. CONNOR KEEPS FILMING. AFTER A MOMENT, PERCY PULLS ANNABETH IN FOR A PASSIONATE KISS.

ANNABETH: [Flustered] What was that for?

PERCY: Making up for lost time.

THE COUPLE KEEP WALKING. TRAVIS TURNS TO THE CAMERA, WHICH PANS BACK OVER TO HIM.

TRAVIS: Damn. I’m never gonna find out if Percy saw 9/11.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] How is that gonna help you with Katie?

TRAVIS: It’s not. I’ve just wanted to ask him ever since he got to Camp.

CONNOR PANS THE CAMERA BACK OVER TO PERCY AND ANNABETH. SOMEHOW, THE CAMERA IS STILL PICKING UP THEIR DIALOGUE.

ANNABETH: What did the Stolls want with you?

PERCY: Girl advice - hey, don’t laugh.

ANNABETH: [Laughing] I’m not laughing.

PERCY: Weirdest thing is, they’re not even the first people to ask me for relationship advice today.

ANNABETH: Oh?

PERCY: Yeah, Jason Iris-Messaged me earlier…

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] Ah crap. I think they’re out of range now.

TRAVIS: How is it even getting sound from that far away anyway?

CONNOR: It’s enchanted.

TRAVIS: Oh, sweet. What else can it do?

CONNOR: It can turn into a glock.

TRAVIS: Really?

CONNOR: No. It just has, like, endless memory or something.

THE CAMERA SHUTS OFF.

THE CAMERA COMES BACK ON. WE ARE BACK IN THE MESS HALL. IT IS MID MORNING AND NOT A MEAL TIME. HARLEY IS CURRENTLY AT THE TOP OF ONE OF THE COLUMNS ERECTING A STRUCTURE TO HOLD A LIGHTING RIG. ANNABETH IS AT THE BOTTOM, WATCHING AND GIVING POINTERS. CLARISSE IS HOLDING A ROPE THAT IS CONNECTED TO HARLEY’S HARNESS, KEEPING HIM SAFELY SUSPENDED. THE CAMERA PANS TO PIPER AND RACHEL.

RACHEL: So, we’re officially 2 days out from prom, and we’re getting all the finishing touches together.

PIPER: Harley has been great at helping us. He’s a real whizz with electronics. He and Annabeth have come up with this lighting rig system. It’s gonna be really awesome. [Suddenly becomes emotional] I’m sorry. It’s just…Leo…

RACHEL: [Puts a hand on her shoulder] Hey, it’s okay. He would have loved all this.

PIPER: Yeah, he would. I miss him so much. I just wish I could hear his voice again.

BEHIND, SOMETHING DROPS FROM HARLEY’S GRIP AND CRASHES ON THE GROUND.

HARLEY: Oh BLEEP-ing BLEEP BLEEP.

PIPER: [Sighs, not aware of what’s happening behind them] Wow, it’s like he’s in the room right now.

RACHEL: [Looking over her shoulder] Hm, I might go check things are okay.

BOTH GIRLS AND BOTH STOLLS APPROACH THE COLUMN WHERE ANNABETH, CLARISSE AND HARLEY ARE. HARLEY IS DRILLING SOMETHING INTO THE COLUMN.

ANNABETH: Oh, hey guys. [Yawns]

CLARISSE: [Frowning] You tired, Annabeth?

ANNABETH: Um, yeah.

CLARISSE: Not sleeping much?

ANNABETH: Uh, no.

CLARISSE: Any reason for that?

ANNABETH: [Confused] What are you, the sleepy police?

HARLEY: Hey, Clarisse. Can you tighten the rope a little? I need to go higher.

CLARISSE NODS AND PULLS THE ROPE TAUT, BUT SHE IS STILL SIDE-EYEING ANNABETH. RACHEL IS LOOKING OVER SOME BLUEPRINTS.

RACHEL: So, once this lighting rig is finished, all we have to do is set up the sound system. That pretty much just means shifting my DJ decks and speakers from my cave to the mess hall, which should be simple enough. Speaking of, do we have an emcee confirmed?

CONNOR: Oh, I just kinda assumed that would be me.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Are you sure, bro? You’ll be pretty busy. You won’t get much time to party.

CONNOR: That’s cool, man. The only other option would be Chiron, and I’m not sure it’s really his scene.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CHIRON

CHIRON: Oh, I was once the emcee at my cousin’s wedding, many years ago. I told lots of jokes. Here’s one for you. What’s 100x a centaur? A dollar-taur! [Wheezes and slaps knee]

CUT BACK TO SCENE IN THE MESS HALL

PIPER: Yeah, I have a lot of question marks around Chiron.

CONNOR: [Nodding sagely] Like where his penis goes when he’s in horse mode?

PIPER: [Horrified] No, you freak. Like his emcee skills.

CONNOR: Oh. Oh, right.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CONNOR

CONNOR: It’s haunted me ever since I got to Camp, but no one else wants to talk about it. What kind of conspiracy is this? Just how far up does this thing go? [Pauses] That’s what she said!

CUT BACK TO SCENE IN THE MESS HALL

RACHEL: Urm, so. Connor will be the emcee, and I’ll DJ. Argus has agreed to be security. Mr D is…inexplicably allowing this to happen. Aphrodite gave us all outfits. The dryads are catering, with help from the satyrs. The lighting system is in progress. Is there anything else we need to organise?

PIPER: We need ballot boxes, for prom King and Queen.

CONNOR: [Face-palming] Ah crap, I forgot about that. Ok, we’ll get some boxes.

ANNABETH: Maybe we should- [Breaks off mid-sentence to yawn] Sorry. Maybe we should check the Big House, see if they have some cardboard boxes somewhere.

CONNOR: Good plan. We’ll go check later. After we…do something.

ANNABETH: Something?

CONNOR: Uh, Travis has a few last-minute things to work out.

ANNABETH: [Smirks at the camera] Good luck with Katie.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Uh, thanks.

THE BOYS START WALKING AWAY. WHEN THEY’VE LEFT THE MESS HALL, CLARISSE RUNS UP TO THEM.

CLARISSE: Hey. Did you see that?

CONNOR: See what?

CLARISSE: The way Annabeth kept yawning.

CONNOR: [Groaning] Not this again.

CLARISSE: Look, we’ll meet tonight and catch them. I have a gut feeling about this.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] I really don’t wanna be involved with this, Clarisse.

CLARISSE: Okay. Fine. So you won’t mind if I just go and tell the girls about your little deal with Mr D? [Crosses arms and smirks]

CONNOR: [Defeated] Okay fine. We’ll…help you.

CLARISSE: Good. Meet me tonight after lights out at cabin 3. Don’t be late.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Wait, Clarisse, weren’t you holding Harley’s rope?

CLARISSE: Oh BLEEP. [Runs back to the mess hall, as a huge crashing sound happens off-camera]

THE CAMERA ABRUPTLY CUTS OUT.

THE CAMERA COMES BACK ON. WE ARE ONCE AGAIN OUTSIDE THE DEMETER CABIN. TRAVIS IS HOLDING A BOUQUET OF ROSES. HE LOOKS ANXIOUS.

TRAVIS: Well. It’s happening.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH TRAVIS

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] So, Travis, why do you want to ask Katie Gardner to the prom?

TRAVIS: None of your BLEEP-ing business.

CONNOR: [silent behind the camera]

TRAVIS: Okay, fine. I like her, okay? She’s kinda mean to me but when she isn’t, she can be really sweet. And funny. She’s always making these dumb flower puns and they’re lame but they make me laugh. And she always smells like roses. And she’s really pretty. Her eyes are this amazing hazel colour, kinda golden like the sun. I don’t know. Even when she’s being mean to me, I still like her. Because at least she’s talking to me. Honestly, I only even came up with this whole prom thing because I wanted an excuse to ask her out.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] Wow…wow, that’s deep, bro. Have you thought about telling her that?

TRAVIS: [Confused] Why would I tell her that?

CUT BACK TO THE SCENE IN THE CABIN

TRAVIS WALKS INTO THE CABIN. KATIE IS SAT AT A DESK ARRANGING POUCHES OF SEEDS. WHEN SHE SEES THE BOYS WALK IN, SHE ROLLS HER EYES.

KATIE: Back for round 2, Travis?

TRAVIS; [Laughs nervously] Uh, no. Um. Can we talk?

KATIE: Why? Are you dying again?

TRAVIS: No. At least, I hope not. Look. Please can we just talk.

KATIE: If you’re here to ask me to Prom, the answer’s no.

TRAVIS: [Crestfallen] But-

KATIE: No buts. You had your chance - twice - and you blew it both times. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…

TRAVIS: [Nodding sadly] Shame on me again.

KATIE: No, shame on me.

TRAVIS: That’s what I said. Shame on me.

KATIE: No, I - you know what? It doesn’t matter. Just leave me alone, okay?

TRAVIS: But Katie-

KATIE: I said leave me alone, Travis.

KATIE IS ANGRY BUT LOOKS PAINED. TRAVIS LOOKS HEARTBROKEN. HE DUMPS THE ROSES ON HER DESK AND THEN RUNS OUT OF THE CABIN. KATIE’S EXPRESSION IS ALMOST WISTFUL AS HE RUNS AWAY. THEN, SHE NOTICES CONNOR STILL STOOD THERE AND BECOMES ANNOYED AGAIN.

KATIE: You too, Connor. Get lost.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] I will, but first, can I show you something?

KATIE: Show me what? A whoopee cushion?

CONNOR: What? How would that even be a prank? Nevermind. Look, just watch this video of Travis talking about you. Please? I’ll leave right away after, and if you still hate him then thats fine. Just watch it. I’m begging you.

KATIE: [Glares at CONNOR, then glances at the roses and sighs] Fine. Show me whatever and then get out of here.

THE CAMERA SHUTS OFF.

THE CAMERA COMES BACK ON. TRAVIS IS FILMING WHILE CONNOR LOOKS AROUND THE BIG HOUSE REC ROOM. TRAVIS IS SPORADICALLY SNIFFING BEHIND THE CAMERA.

CONNOR: [Turns to the camera] Are you sure you wanna do this right now, man? We can take a break.

TRAVIS: [Sniffing] No, it’s fine. I need the distraction.

CONNOR: Okay. Well. We’re in the Big House, named for its size and…being a house. And we are looking for some boxes.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CONNOR

CONNOR: I feel like we’re not really original with names around here. Like, oh, you’re half god and half human? You’re a Halfblood. You want a summer camp for halfbloods? Better call that Camp Half-Blood. And what shall we name that big house on the hill? The Big House. See that tree over there? That’s where Thalia died, so it’s Thalia’s Tree. That lake, with the canoes? That’s the canoe lake.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Yeah. And like, our dad is Hermes, the god of thieves, and our surname is Stoll.

CONNOR: Exactly! And have you noticed that Will - son of Apollo, the sun god - has the surname Solace?

TRAVIS: Dude yes! And Annabeth’s surname is Chase, and she chased us with an axe that time.

CONNOR: That’s what I’m talking about!

CUT BACK TO SCENE IN THE BIG HOUSE REC ROOM

CONNOR: Honestly, being back in here is kinda spooky. Lots of serious conversations in this room.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Quests, prophecies…

CONNOR: Percy and Annabeth arguing.

TRAVIS: War counsels, mission planning…

CONNOR: Percy and Annabeth gazing at each other.

TRAVIS: Mourning friends, planning funerals…

CONNOR: Percy and Annabeth arguing again.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera, sighing] If walls could talk.

CONNOR: [Rummaging in a corner] Aha! A box! Now we just need one more…

MR D: [From off camera] Hello, boys.

CONNOR and TRAVIS: [Jumping in surprise] AHHHH!

TRAVIS DROPS THE CAMERA IN SHOCK. IT KEEPS RECORDING, WITH THE LENS POINTED AT MR D’S FEET, WHICH ARE IN A WELL-WORN PAIR OF BIRKENSTOCKS AND LOOKING THE WORSE FOR THE WEAR. THE DIALOGUE IS CLEAR.

MR D: I thought I could hear you both crashing around in here.

CONNOR: Um, sorry. We’ll keep the noise down.

MR D: Nevermind that. I wanted to check how things were going on your end of the bargain, seeing as your silly party is in two days.

TRAVIS: Oh, we’ve got it all under control.

MR D: Really? You think that you can get one out from under old Lightning McQueen?

CONNOR: [Stifling a laugh] Lightning McQueen?

TRAVIS: [Cutting in] Um, yep. We’ve found a way. Trust us.

MR D: I don’t trust either of you. At all.

CONNOR: Then why did you-

MR D: [Sighing] Because only a child of Hermes would have the sneaky instincts to do what I have asked. A child of Athena might be more intelligent, a child of Ares more brash. But only a Hermes child has the cunning, thieving, deceitful instincts to make this work.

TRAVIS: Um…thanks?

MR D: Not a compliment. Anyway. What have you got planned?

CONNOR: [Anxious] Um, don’t you want it to be a surprise?

MR D: Why would I want that? Then I won’t have time to kill you before your precious Prom happens if you have failed.

TRAVIS: Um, of course, sir. Very clever.

MR D: So? What have you planned?

CONNOR: We, um, we have found a way to get you something called Kava.

MR D: [Stunned, excited] Cava?

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH POLLUX

POLLUX: Cava is a Catalonian sparkling wine. It’s delicious. Cava is also a type of Greek wine, referring to it being aged, I believe. Why do you ask?

TRAVIS: [Off camera] Science…project?

CUT BACK TO THE SCENE IN THE BIG HOUSE REC ROOM

CONNOR: Wait, you know about Kava?

MR D: Of course I know about Cava, you fool. I am the god of wine, aren’t I? How do you know about Cava?

TRAVIS: Um…Moana?

MR D: Who?

CONNOR: Nevermind. We just didn’t realise that was…your region.

MR D: What, the Mediterranean? Are you a moron?

TRAVIS: …Yes?

MR D: Yes, of course you are.

CONNOR: So…so you’re happy with Kava?

MR D: Of course I’m happy with Cava, boy. So long as the Electric Light Orchestra doesn’t know, we are all going to be most happy.

TRAVIS: Um…yep. Perfect. We’ve got our ways.

MR D: [Chuckling] I dare say you do. Well, it’s my nap time. Goodbye, Tony and Callum. Do not fail me.

MR D LEAVES THE ROOM. TRAVIS PICKS UP THE CAMERA, BUT KEEPS IT TRAINED ON THE GROUND.

TRAVIS: What the BLEEP just happened.

CONNOR: No idea. But it looks like we’re gonna pull this off.

TRAVIS: I can’t believe it. Oh! Here’s another cardboard box. And it’s already got a hole in the top for ballots.

CONNOR: Wait, I recognise that box. We used it when we did our betting pool for when Percy and Annabeth would get together, remember?

TRAVIS: How could I forget. I cleared house that day.

THE CAMERA CLICKS OFF.

THE CAMERA CLICKS BACK ON. IT IS DARK - SOMETIME AFTER LIGHTS OUT. THE LENS IS POINTED AT CLARISSE, WHO LOOKS DETERMINED. CONNOR IS STOOD NEXT TO HER, LOOKING LIKE HE WANTS TO DIE.

CONNOR: Okay, so once again, I object to what’s about to happen.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Same.

CLARISSE: [Scowling] Tough. You’re in this now. Now shut up and follow me.

CLARISSE AND THE BOYS CREEP VERY QUIETLY TO THE DOOR OF THE POSEIDON CABIN. THEY PAUSE, AND CLARISSE LEANS AGAINST THE DOOR. SHE MAKES A FACE AND POINTS, AND THEN MOUTHS SOMETHING TO THE BOYS.

CLARISSE: [Gesturing wildly]

CONNOR: [Shrugs, shakes his head]

CLARISSE: [Gestures even more aggressively]

CONNOR: [Stares blankly]

CLARISSE: [Rolls her eyes and takes out lock-picking kit from her pocket]

CLARISSE SILENTLY AND EXPERTLY PICKS THE LOCK. THIS TIME, THEY ARE NOT CAUGHT IN THE ACT. CLARISSE PUSHES THE DOOR OF THE CABIN OPEN AND STEPS INSIDE.

CLARISSE: [Triumphant] Aha!

PERCY AND ANNABETH ARE SAT ON PERCY’S BUNK, SIDE-BY-SIDE. PERCY HAS HIS ARM AROUND ANNABETH, WHO IS IN TEARS. THE COUPLE STARE AT THE TRIO WHO HAVE JUST BURST IN. THEY ARE TOO SHOCKED TO REACT.

CLARISSE: I knew it! I knew you guys were sneaking around! [Faces the camera] Take that!

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Uh, Clarisse…maybe ease off.

CONNOR: Yeah…[Nodding to ANNABETH] I feel like we really shouldn’t be here.

CLARISSE: What do you mean? [Looks at ANNABETH and notices she’s crying] Oh BLEEP, you okay, Princess? [Becomes angry, glaring at PERCY] Has Jackson done something to you?

ANNABETH: What? No! What the Hades, you guys?

NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING FOR A FEW MOMENTS. PERCY’S EXPRESSION GROWS DARKER.

PERCY: Yeah, what the BLEEP is goin’ on? Whaddaya doin’ here?

CONNOR: Why are you talking like Tony Soprano?

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH PERCY AND ANNABETH

ANNABETH: Sometimes, when Percy gets really mad, he becomes extremely…New York.

PERCY: All New Yorkers do it. One minute you sound normal, the next someone cuts you off and it’s like hey, I’m walkin’ here!

ANNABETH: I think he’s been spending too much time around the fish mafia.

CUT BACK TO SCENE IN THE POSEIDON CABIN

PERCY: You come to me like this, on the day my girlfriend is so upset?

CONNOR: I’m so confused.

CLARISSE: Yeah, this is not what I expected at all.

ANNABETH: What the BLEEP did you expect? What’s going on?

CONNOR, TRAVIS AND CLARISSE GLANCE AT EACH OTHER AWKWARDLY.

PERCY: [Picking up Riptide] You have 10 seconds to start explaining, otherwise you can fuhgeddaboutit.

CLARISSE: Fine. Look, Annabeth has been really tired lately. I assumed you guys were up doing…you know…stuff. So I’ve been keeping tabs. [Pauses] Okay, it sounds really bad when I say it out loud.

ANNABETH: [Horrified, upset] Yeah, it does. I thought you were my friend, Clarisse.

CLARISSE: [Sad] I am. It’s just…

ANNABETH: Just what? Stalking is how you show your friendship?

CLARISSE: No, I…

PERCY: So what, huh?

CLARISSE: [Sheepish] I was jealous, okay?

ANNABETH: Jealous? Of…of what?

CLARISSE: Of your relationship. You guys are, like, star cross’d lovers or whatever. Aphrodite is obsessed with you. Everyone thinks you’re the Camp power-couple. You guys are the standard, you know? And it makes me insecure about…about my relationship. Like, what do you guys have that me and Chris don’t? We’ve been dating longer than you for BLEEP’S sake. All I could think of was that Percy has a cabin to himself. So I guess I fixated on it. I’m really sorry.

EVERYONE IN THE CABIN IS SILENT. ANNABETH IS LOOKING AT CLARISSE SOFTLY. PERCY STILL LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO PUNCH SOMEONE.

ANNABETH: Clarisse, no two relationships are the same. You and Chris are amazing together. You should focus on all the great things that you two have instead of worrying about what you think you don’t have.

CLARISSE: Yeah…yeah, I guess you’re right.

THE CABIN FALLS SILENT AGAIN. CONNOR IS TRYING VERY HARD TO REMAIN FROZEN IN PLACE SO THAT NO ONE NOTICES HIM. CLARISSE LOOKS AT ANNABETH AND FROWNS.

CLARISSE: Wait, so why are you crying?

ANNABETH: [Uncomfortable] Um…

CLARISSE: You sure Jackson’s not done something? Because I won’t hesitate-

ANNABETH: No. No, thanks Clarisse. He’s actually helping me.

PERCY: [Gives ANNABETH a small smile] Yeah, and she’s helping me.

CLARISSE: I don’t get it.

ANNABETH: Look. Since getting back from the Argo II quest, things have been really hard. We both went to Tar…uh, the really bad place. And we both get awful nightmares.

CLARISSE: Oh, BLEEP. That sucks.

PERCY: Annabeth comes here most nights so that we can both get some sleep. We calm each other down.

CONNOR: That’s why you’ve been so tired lately.

ANNABETH: [Nodding] Yeah. [Suddenly frowning, glancing between CONNOR and TRAVIS/the camera] Wait, why the BLEEP are you guys in here?

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Ahh….

CONNOR: Umm…

CLARISSE: I blackmailed them. That’s on me. Sorry, guys.

CONNOR: Yep. That’s all there is to that story. No need for any follow-up questions.

IT FALLS SILENT AGAIN. ANNABETH AND PERCY LOOK AT CLARISSE, CONNOR AND TRAVIS POINTEDLY, BUT NONE OF THEM MOVE.

PERCY: [To CLARISSE, CONNOR and TRAVIS] I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse.

CONNOR: Yeah?

PERCY: Leave my cabin and I won’t gut you.

CONNOR: Oh. Yeah. Sounds fair.

CLARISSE: Wait, one last thing. [Looks at ANNABETH] How do you do it? Without being caught?

ANNABETH: [Smirking] Wouldn’t you like to know.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH ANNABETH

ANNABETH: [Holding up Yankees cap] Guys. Come on. It’s not like it’s a secret that I own an invisibility cap. Is everyone in this Camp a BLEEP-ing idiot except me?

CUT BACK TO POSEIDON CABIN

CONNOR: Okay, we’re leaving now. Bye guys. Hope you, uh, get some sleep.

CLARISSE, CONNOR, AND TRAVIS FILE OUT OF THE CABIN AND SHUT THE DOOR BEHIND THEM.

CONNOR: That…was the most awkward moment of my life.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Agreed. Let’s never discuss this again.

CLARISSE: [Musing] Do you think they just, like, talk and cry and hug? Or do you think they also-

CONNOR and TRAVIS: [In unison] SHUT. UP.

THE CAMERA CLICKS OFF.

THE CAMERA COMES BACK ON. WE ARE IN THE MESS HALL. THE HALL HAS BEEN DECORATED, WITH CRYSTAL LIGHTS THREADED AROUND THE COLUMNS AND BLACK VELVET CURTAINS ALSO HANGING DOWN. THERE IS A DISCO BALL SUSPENDED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALL. A RED CARPET IS ROLLED UP AND LEANING NEXT TO A COLUMN, READY TO BE UNROLLED LATER. A LIGHTING SYSTEM IS SUSPENDED FROM THE COLUMNS, AND WIRES TRAIL EVERYWHERE. HARLEY IS FIDDLING WITH SOME PLUGS AT THE BASE OF A COLUMN. ANNABETH, RACHEL, PIPER AND CLARISSE ARE SAT AROUND A TABLE. CONNOR IS IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA A LITTLE WAY AWAY FROM THE GIRLS.

CONNOR: Well, today’s the big day. After just over a week of planning, our Prom is happening tonight, right here in the mess hall. I’m so excited!

TRAVIS: [Unenthusiastically behind the camera] Yeah. Same.

CONNOR: [Frowning at the camera] You okay, man? You sound a little melon choleric.

TRAVIS: What?

CONNOR: Melon choleric. You know, sad. Down. Depressed.

TRAVIS: You mean melancholic?

CONNOR: Do I?

RACHEL SPOTS THE BOYS AND WAVES THEM OVER.

RACHEL: Come here, we wanna show you something!

THE BOYS MAKE THEIR WAY OVER TO THE GIRLS’ TABLE. THEY ARE CURRENTLY ADDING GLITTER TO CARDBOARD BOXES.

RACHEL: We’ve finished the ballot boxes for Prom King and Queen. We’ll hand out ballot papers during the night. Argus will monitor the boxes to make sure no one cheats.

CONNOR: [Inspecting the box] Looks great. How’s the lighting rig coming together?

ANNABETH: Hey Harley, how’s it going down there?

HARLEY: [Stands up and sniffs, adjusting his tool belt] It’s a pretty simple process. Just gotta jimmy the chameleon sproggs to the north-facing position, and then get the centrifuge to click into place in line with some sprungly McLovins.

CONNOR: …What?

HARLEY: Just kidding. All I had to do was connect to the Camp’s electricity circuit and add a few surge protectors. Not that hard.

CONNOR: Oh. Nice.

PIPER: So, once Clarisse has got Rachel’s DJ decks set up in the mess hall, and we’ve pushed the tables back, we’re basically done, right? Except for getting dressed up and rolling out the red carpet.

ANNABETH: I think so. Wow, guys. We’ve actually done it.

THE GIRLS ALL HIGH FIVE EACH OTHER. CONNOR ATTEMPTS TO JOIN THEM BUT IS LEFT HANGING.

CONNOR: This is gonna be so epic. Thanks for all your help, guys. We couldn’t have done it without you.

THE GIRLS SMILE AND LOOK AROUND THE MESS HALL PROUDLY - EXCEPT CLARISSE, WHO LOOKS ANXIOUS. ANNABETH NOTICES THAT CLARISSE LOOKS UNHAPPY.

ANNABETH: You okay, Clarisse?

CLARISSE: [Self-conscious] Me? I’m good. Great, even. Amazing. Never better. I’m just…I actually have a thing. Yeah. I gotta go. See you guys.

CLARISSE GETS UP AND BOLTS FROM THE MESS HALL. THE OTHER THREE GIRLS WATCH HER LEAVE, CONFUSED AND CONCERNED.

PIPER: That’s weird.

RACHEL: Yeah, really weird. Should someone go after her?

ANNABETH: Give her a little space first. We can go check on her this afternoon.

PIPER: Yeah, sounds like a plan.

ANNABETH: Actually, guys, while Clarisse is gone, I have an idea I wanna share with you all. Travis, can you please turn the camera off?

CONNOR: [Shrugs at the camera]

THE CAMERA SHUTS OFF.

THE CAMERA COMES BACK ON. WE ARE INSIDE THE HERMES CABIN. POLLUX AND CONNOR ARE HUNCHED OVER A BOWL, MIXING A POWDER WITH WATER.

POLLUX: I think this is the right ratio. The instructions my friend gave me were pretty vague. He mostly emphasised a bunch of clapping and saying some words in Fijian.

CONNOR: Oh cool, what words?

POLLUX: [Frowning] Uh…I forgot. BLEEP.

CONNOR: Whatever. So long as Mr D- I mean, so long as Annabeth thinks we’ve nailed the science project, it doesn’t matter.

POLLUX: [Giving CONNOR a sideways look] Mr D?

CONNOR: Did I say Mr D? I meant…Annie C. Yeah. Always getting those two mixed up.

POLLUX: I have literally never heard anyone refer to Annabeth as ‘Annie C’ in my life.

CONNOR: Pft, people do it all the time! Right, Travis? [CONNOR looks pointedly at the camera]

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Yup. All the time. Maybe it’s a head counsellor thing.

POLLUX: I am a head counsellor.

CONNOR: Wait, you are?

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH POLLUX

POLLUX: Everyone always forgets about me! Like, I’ve also been at Camp for a long time, and I am head of the Dionysus cabin. My dad is literally the camp director. I swear no one ever wants to hear about-

CUT BACK TO SCENE IN HERMES CABIN

POLLUX: Whatever. Look, I gotta go. I promised Clover I’d give him some Kava, too. He wants to see how effective it is as a sleep draught.

POLLUX LEAVES THE HERMES CABIN, AND CHRIS QUICKLY ENTERS. HE LOOKS CONCERNED.

CHRIS: Hey, any of you guys seen Clarisse?

CONNOR: No, not since this morning when she bolted from the mess hall.

CHRIS: Weird. We were supposed to spar this morning but she never showed up.

CONNOR: Hmm, that is weird. Maybe she just went for a walk or something. You could try the woods?

CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah, I’ll go have a look. Thanks, guys. [Cranes his neck to see what the boys are doing] Hey, is that the stuff for Mr D?

CONNOR: Yep. This is Kava.

CHRIS: [Wrinkling his nose] Looks like ditch water.

CONNOR: Don’t be culturally insensitive, dude.

CHRIS: Don’t lecture me on racism, white boy.

TRAVIS: [Confused] Aren’t you also a white boy?

CHRIS: Dude, I’m Latino.

TRAVIS: You are?

CHRIS: [Stares directly into the camera]

CONNOR: Sorry, dude.

CHRIS: Whatever. I’m gonna go look for Clarisse. Try not to screw up the Kava thing. And whatever you do, do not let Annabeth find out.

CHRIS JOGS AWAY FROM THE CABIN. CONNOR CONSIDERS THE KAVA BOWL ON THE FLOOR.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Do you think this will work?

CONNOR: Honestly, no idea. But we’ve come too far to give up now. And we haven’t even been caught by Annabeth.

ANNABETH: Are you sure about that?

CONNOR and TRAVIS: [In unison] AAAHHHH!!

ANNABETH IS SUDDENLY STANDING IN THE HERMES CABIN. SHE SHIMMERS INTO VIEW, HANDS ON HER HIPS, GLARING AT THE BOYS. HER YANKEES CAP IS STUFFED INTO HER POCKET.

CONNOR: HOW? WHY?

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH ANNABETH

ANNABETH: [Holding up Yankees cap] GUYS. COME ON.

CUT BACK TO SCENE IN HERMES CABIN

ANNABETH: What. The BLEEP. Is going on?

CONNOR: Nothing! We’re just…mixing Kava.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera, which is now shaking as TRAVIS trembles in fear] Because, you know…we just love Moana so much.

ANNABETH: Don’t BLEEP-ing lie to me, Stoll. I heard what you said about Mr D.

CONNOR: How long have you been in here? Why are you stalking us?

ANNABETH: Oh, so now you guys have a problem with sneaking into other people’s cabins?

CONNOR: Okay, we’re sorry about the other night! It’s just…

TRAVIS: Clarisse blackmailed us.

ANNABETH: Yeah, you said that already. She knew about all this, didn’t she?

CONNOR: Maybe…depends what you think all this is.

ANNABETH: [Arms folded over chest] You have brought this stuff into Camp for Mr D. And you’ve been lying that I set you some dumb project. What I wanna know is why.

CONNOR: …

TRAVIS: …

ANNABETH: [Unsheathes knife] You have 10 seconds to explain.

CONNOR: [Holding up hands] He’s, uh…a really big Moana fan?

ANNABETH: [Holding up knife] Say Moana one more time. I BLEEP-ing dare you.

CONNOR: Fine! Look. In order to make this prom happen, we had to make a deal.

ANNABETH: A deal? But…Oh. [ANNABETH’S expression becomes horrified as realisation dawns on her] Kava can simulate the effects of alcohol. Oh, BLEEP. Tell me you didn’t. Tell me you’re both not this stupid.

CONNOR: Um…we didn’t?

TRAVIS: We’re not this stupid?

ANNABETH: You morons. He told you he wants to get drunk, didn’t he?

CONNOR: …Maybe.

ANNABETH: [Voice dangerously calm] But he’s not allowed to get drunk. He’s been put on probation by the king of the gods.

CONNOR: Exactly. So he won’t get drunk.

ANNABETH: Ok, genius. But did Mr D ask for a ceremonial root-based drink to make his tongue tingle, or did he ask to get drunk?

CONNOR: Technically, he never said he didn’t-

ANNABETH: You. Absolute. BLEEP-ing. Fool. [Puts her head in her hands] Oh, this is bad. Did it occur to you that after one sip he will know that this is not alcohol? Did you think the god of wine BLEEP-ing forgot what wine tastes like?

CONNOR: [Frozen] Um…

ANNABETH: [Pinching the bridge of her nose, eyes closed] This is really, really bad. And now I know about it, and Travis is filming for some BLEEP-ing reason. We’re screwed. We’re all screwed.

CONNOR: Look, just relax-

ANNABETH: RELAX?

ANNABETH SHOVES CONNOR UP AGAINST THE NEAREST BUNK. SHE PINS HIM WITH AN ARM OVER HIS THROAT AND GETS RIGHT IN HIS FACE, SCOWLING.

ANNABETH: [So angry her voice is barely a whisper] You are going to fix this. You are going to make sure this works or so help me I will drag you to Tartarus myself. I’ve been there once already, what’s another BLEEP-ing trip? Fix. This. Do I make myself clear?

CONNOR: [Stammering, sweating] Ye-yes. Yes, ma’am.

ANNABETH: [Leaning close so her mouth is right next to CONNOR’S ear] Good.

ANNABETH RELEASES CONNOR AND STEPS BACK. HE COLLAPSES TO THE GROUND, PANTING AND SHAKING AND CLUTCHING HIS THROAT. ANNABETH STORMS OUT OF THE CABIN.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CONNOR

CONNOR: That…that is the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. And also…the hottest. [Looks directly into camera] Percy, dude, I get it now.

CUT BACK TO SCENE IN THE HERMES CABIN. CONNOR IS TRYING TO BREATHE NORMALLY AGAIN.

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Dude, what are we gonna do?

CONNOR: [Wheezes]

THE CAMERA CUTS OUT.

THE CAMERA COMES BACK ON. CONNOR IS NOW BEHIND THE CAMERA, AND TRAVIS IS STANDING IN THE CABIN AREA.

TRAVIS: [Smiling tightly] With prom in just a matter of hours, people seem to be getting real excited.

THE CAMERA PANS AROUND. DEMIGODS ARE RUNNING BETWEEN CABINS, SWAPPING HAIRBRUSHES AND LIPSTICKS AND SHOUTING ENCOURAGEMENT AT EACH OTHER.

TRAVIS: We’re gonna chat to some Campers and see how they’re getting ready for tonight.

CUT TO LACY, DAUGHTER OF APHRODITE

LACY: I took an everything shower and now I’m about to do my hair.

TRAVIS: And for the viewers at home, what is an everything shower?

LACY: A shower where you do everything. Like, deep condition, shave, exfoliate, moisturise. The works.

TRAVIS: How long does that take?

LACY: Depends. Can be 20 minutes, can be longer.

TRAVIS: 20 minutes? Damn, no wonder there’s no hot water left when I go to shower.

CONNOR: [Wheezes behind the camera]

LACY: Well, that’s how it is for girls. We can’t just roll out of bed and comb our hair. There are expectations to meet.

TRAVIS: Interesting.

CUT TO JAKE MASON, SON OF HEPHAESTUS

JAKE: How do I get ready? I mean, I’ll probably shower. Then I’ll get dressed.

TRAVIS: Anything else?

JAKE: What else would I have to do? You insinuating something, Stoll?

TRAVIS: …No?

CUT TO MIRANDA, DAUGHTER OF DEMETER

MIRANDA: Hm, loads to do. I had a shower and now I’m gonna set my hair in rollers, which takes ages. Then I’ll do my makeup.

TRAVIS: How long does it take to do your makeup?

MIRANDA: [Frowning] Could be an hour? Maybe longer?

TRAVIS: WHAT.

CUT TO PERCY JACKSON

PERCY: Oh, getting ready is easy. Just gotta shower, comb my hair, and throw on my suit.

TRAVIS: Dude, did we interrupt you partway through getting dressed?

PERCY: [Frowning] What?

TRAVIS: You’re not wearing a shirt.

PERCY: [Looks down, surprised] Motherf-

CUT TO RACHEL

RACHEL: Getting ready can take a while, especially with all this hair. I washed it yesterday to save some time, but it’s gonna be a long process for sure.

TRAVIS: Wow. Fascinating. And what makes you…want to do this long process?

RACHEL: Hm, I dunno. It’s just what girls do.

TRAVIS: I see…

CUT TO CHRIS

CHRIS: Getting ready? You mean putting clothes on?

TRAVIS: I’m noticing a pattern here.

CHRIS: What?

TRAVIS: Nothing.

CUT TO NICO DI ANGELO

NICO: Oh, I usually summon my undead army to bathe and dress me.

TRAVIS: Really?

NICO: No, dumbass. I just shower and put clothes on.

TRAVIS: [Looking directly into the camera] Emos. They’re just like us.

CUT TO PIPER:

PIPER: Man, it’s gonna take me a while. I need to wash and style my hair, and I guess I’ll put on my makeup. I wish it wasn’t all so much effort sometimes.

TRAVIS: Why is it so much effort?

PIPER: Because of the patriarchal, white supremacist, heteronormative standards of beauty that are designed to keep women compliant and therefore more submissive and easier to control.

TRAVIS: …What?

CUT TO DREW:

DREW: Piper said that? Figures. That girl might be my half-sister, but she wouldn’t know the first thing about beauty. She probably thinks satin finish lipstick is the same as gloss finish! [Laughs derisively]

TRAVIS: [Nervous] Haha, yeah…

DREW: Like yeah, beauty is a performance. But I love performing! If I wasn’t always striving for beauty I wouldn’t have a reason to live.

TRAVIS: …What?

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH TRAVIS

TRAVIS: [Looking directly into the camera, shell-shocked] What are we doing to our beautiful queens?

CUT BACK TO OUTDOOR AREA. CLARISSE APPROACHES THE STOLLS. SHE HAS WET HAIR AND LOOKS VERY ANXIOUS.

TRAVIS: Oh, hey Clarisse. A bunch of people were looking for you earlier.

CLARISSE: Yeah, I know. Have you seen Princess? Or Curly? Or Pipes?

TRAVIS: Yeah, Piper’s in the Aphrodite cabin arguing about feminism with one of her siblings.

CLARISSE: Oh, thanks.

CLARISSE WANDERS TOWARDS THE APHRODITE CABIN. THE STOLLS FOLLOW. SHE KNOCKS ON THE DOOR GINGERLY.

APHRODITE GIRL: No, makeup is not a tool of oppression! It’s a tool of looking fabulous!

PIPER: And who decides what ‘fabulous’ is?

APHRODITE GIRL: Me, obviously!

CLARISSE: Uh, hey, Pipes. Can I borrow you?

PIPER: [Relieved] Of course! What’s up?

CLARISSE: I, uh…I have no idea what I’m doing.

DREW: [Scoffs] Neither does Piper.

CLARISSE: Shut it, dingbat. I asked for Piper.

PIPER: [Smiling] You want help getting ready?

CLARISSE: [Blushing] Maybe.

PIPER: That’s cool. Actually me, Annabeth and Rachel were gonna get ready together in Rachel’s cave. Wanna come?

CLARISSE: [Smiling slightly] Yes. Please.

PIPER: Awesome. Go grab your dress and anything else you want, and I’ll meet you right there. [Turns to acknowledge the boys] Sorry, no guys allowed.

CONNOR: [Wheezes behind the camera]

PIPER: The Hades happened to your voice?

TRAVIS: Don’t worry. Catch you guys later. I hope your experience getting ready doesn’t make you feel the crushing weight of misogynistic societal expectations. [Shakes head] I’m sorry, women.

PIPER: [Stares directly into the camera]

THE CAMERA CUTS.

THE CAMERA COMES BACK ON. TRAVIS IS SAT PEERING OVER THE BOWL OF KAVA IN THE HERMES CABIN, LOOKING CONCERNED.

TRAVIS: So, uh. We still haven’t quite figured out how to make it taste more like actual wine. Thing is, if we add anything actually fermented and alchohol-y, then we defy Zeu- I mean, the great Lightening Charger Cable. But if we don’t make it taste like wine, then Mr D might figure it out and smite us.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera, voice somewhat recovered but still raspy] Yeah. It’s a real Cash 22.

TRAVIS: What?

CONNOR: A cash 22. It means-

TRAVIS: I know what it means. The expression is catch 22, not cash 22.

CONNOR: Huh?

TRAVIS: Whatever. Anyway. I think the first step is gonna have to be tasting it, otherwise we don’t even know what we need to add. Or take away.

CONNOR: Dude, count me out. I’m meant to be emceeing in a few hours and I’m still recovering from Annabeth.

TRAVIS: Fine. I guess I’ll do it.

TRAVIS STARES AT THE BOWL AND GRIMACES. RELUCTANTLY, HE PICKS IT UP AND PUTS IT TO HIS LIPS, TAKING A SIP. HE PUTS THE BOWL DOWN AND LOOKS GRIMLY AT THE CAMERA. WITH A LARGE GULP, TRAVIS SWALLOWS THE KAVA.

TRAVIS: Is it racist to Moana if I say that was the single worst thing I have ever tasted in my life? Literally tastes like dirt.

CONNOR: Oh, BLEEP.

TRAVIS: [Wretches] And my tongue…and my lips…they’re all tingly. I feel like I just ate a ghost chilli pepper, except my mouth isn’t burning.

CONNOR: Do you think…do you think wine maybe also happens to taste like that?

TRAVIS: [Shaking his head] Nope. I’ve had a sip of mom’s wine before. It was also gross, but nothing like this.

CONNOR: Ah, crap. What are we gonna do?

TRAVIS: I don’t know, but I think…I think I need to figure this out alone.

CONNOR: What?

TRAVIS: [Looks meaningfully at the camera] Look, I only wanted to do any of this so I could ask out Katie, and she hates me, so there’s no reason for me to go anymore. But you’re the emcee and people are relying on us to have a fun night. So you should go and get ready and make sure everyone has a great time. I’ll…I’ll deal with Mr D. Just tell Katie-

KATE: Tell me what?

THE BOYS JUMP AND TURN TO THE DOORWAY OF THE HERMES CABIN, WHERE KATIE IS NOW STANDING. HER HAIR IS SLEEK WITH GENTLE WAVES, AND SHE IS WEARING A DEEP BLUE, SLEEVELESS VELVET GOWN WITH WHITE SATIN GLOVES.

TRAVIS: [Staring, dumbfounded] Uhh…..

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] What my brother is trying to say, is uh, what are you doing here, Katie?

KATIE: [Smiling shyly, turning to TRAVIS] I wanted to see if you still wanted to go to Prom with me.

TRAVIS: Whaaa….

CONNOR: [Sighing] He’s asking why.

KATIE: [Smiling fondly at TRAVIS] Because of the video of you talking about me. I…I didn’t know you felt that way about me. I didn’t know you took me seriously at all.

TRAVIS: [Recovering slightly] And…and you wanna go to Prom with me?

KATIE: Yeah, I do. I like you too, idiot.

TRAVIS: [Blushing furiously but grinning] This is the best day of my life. [Suddenly remembers the Kava, looking at the bowl in a panic] Oh BLEEP, and I’ve already ruined it.

KATIE: What’s going on?

TRAVIS: Um, well, long story short, Mr D only gave us permission on the condition that he could get drunk, which obviously he can’t, so we found out about this thing called Kava that can mimic the effects of alcohol…except it tastes nothing like alcohol, so we’re screwed.

KATIE: [Laughing]

TRAVIS: [Laughing nervously] What’s funny?

KATIE: I should have known there was something going on. No way Mr D would have agreed to a Prom for nothing. But…but you really did all this, took on all this risk, just so you could ask me out?

TRAVIS: Yeah. When you put it that way, it sounds really dumb.

KATIE: Very dumb. But very sweet. And I think I might be able to help you.

TRAVIS: [Worried] I don’t want to get you caught up in this.

KATIE: Too late. And you’re gonna need some help or you’re both beyond doomed. Lucky for you, I’ve taken some perfumery classes with the Aphrodite girls before. I think I can help make the Kava look, smell, and taste a little less potent.

TRAVIS: Really? That would be amazing!

KATIE: I’ll go grab some supplies. We’ll meet back here in 15 minutes. [KATIE steps forward and plants a kiss on TRAVIS’S cheek] And get your suit on, we’re going to Prom.

KATIE DARTS OUT OF THE CABIN. TRAVIS TOUCHES HIS CHEEK WHERE KATIE JUST KISSED HIM, SMILING. HE TURNS TO CONNOR AND LOOKS AT HIS BROTHER WITH REAL SURPRISE.

TRAVIS: You showed Katie the video of me talking about her?

CONNOR: Uhh…yeah man. I’m sorry for meddling. I just thought-

CONNOR IS CUT OFF BY TRAVIS TACKLING HIM INTO A BEAR-HUG. THE CAMERA GETS SQUISHED BETWEEN THEM.

TRAVIS: [Muffled] You’re the best bro ever. Thank you.

CONNOR: I have my moments.

THE BOYS SEPARATE. TRAVIS WIPES A TEAR FROM HIS CHEEK AND CLEARS HIS THROAT.

TRAVIS: Okay. Time to get ready [Puts on sunglasses] for PROM!

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] Dude, I’ve been looking for those!

THE CAMERA CUTS OUT.

THE CAMERA CUTS BACK ON. SOME TIME HAS PASSED AND THE EVENING HAS DRAWN IN. WE ARE IN THE MESS HALL, AND DEMIGODS ARE STARTING TO ARRIVE FOR PROM. CONNOR IS STOOD HOLDING A MIC, TALKING TO RACHEL WHO IS STOOD BEHIND HER DJ DECKS. THEY FINISH TALKING, AND CONNOR STRIDES OVER TO THE CAMERA.

CONNOR: Okay, let’s film some reactions. Did you and Katie work out the Kava situation?

TRAVIS: Yep. We decanted it into a bottle and snuck it to him earlier. He seemed pleased with it.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH TRAVIS AND KATIE

KATIE: So, neither of us know a whole lot about wine, but using some plant essences I was able to at least make the Kava look more wine-like. Plus, it smells kinda like wine. How did it taste, Travis?

TRAVIS: I honestly have no idea. My mouth is so tingly my tastebuds have stopped working.

CUT BACK TO THE MESS HALL. THE BOYS ARE STOOD OUTSIDE, WHERE COUPLES ARE MEETING UP TO HEAD IN TOGETHER ALONG A RED CARPET. PIPER DASHES PAST THEM TO GIVE SOME RECORDS TO RACHEL. PIPER IS WEARING A PURPLE SATIN GOWN THAT BRINGS OUT HER EYES, AND HER HAIR IS IN A DELIBERATELY MESSY BUN. ANNABETH AND CLARISSE HAVE ALSO WALKED OVER FROM RACHEL’S CAVE. PERCY AND CHRIS ARE WAITING FOR THEM. ANNABETH IS WEARING A SLEEVELESS, GREEN VELVET GOWN THAT MATCHES PERCY’S EYES (AND TIE).

ANNABETH: Hey, Seaweed Brain. Nice suit.

PERCY: [Slack-jawed] Uh…

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH PERCY:

PERCY: [Gesticulates wildly] Pfftt..I mean…ugh….wow….I just…..BLEEP….you know?

CUT BACK TO OUTSIDE THE MESS HALL. CLARISSE IS APPROACHING CHRIS, LOOKING A LITTLE SELF-CONSCIOUS. SHE IS WEARING A RED SATIN GOWN WITH SPAGHETTI STRAPS, AND HAIR HAIR IS IN AN ELEGANT BUN, REVEALING MORE OF HER FACE THAN USUAL.

CHRIS: [Grinning] You look so beautiful.

CLARISSE: Really?

CHRIS: [Takes her hand] You are the prettiest girl here by far.

CLARISSE: [Laughs and snorts]

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CLARISSE

CLARISSE: I was really stressed earlier because I thought…I thought Chris was gonna see me all dolled up and think that I looked dumb. But I was stupid for thinking that. [Grins] That boy is so BLEEP-ing whipped.

CUT BACK TO PROM SCENE

THE STOLLS LINGER A LITTLE LONGER, FILMING MORE IMMACULATELY-DRESSED CAMPERS AND WATCHING COUPLES HOLD HANDS AND WALK TOGETHER. PIPER APPEARS SUDDENLY NEXT TO CONNOR.

PIPER: Hey, guys. Rachel’s ready to start but we think Connor needs to announce that this thing is kicking off.

CONNOR: Oh, right, yeah. [Looks to TRAVIS] You can’t be filming the whole night, you need to be with Katie.

PIPER: Aw, you and Katie worked it out?

TRAVIS: [Smiling] Yep. [Suddenly realising] But Connor, if you’re emceeing then you can’t film either.

CONNOR: Oh BLEEP. I didn’t think of that.

PIPER: How about I take over filming?

CONNOR: Are you sure?

PIPER: Yeah, I mean, my date is the DJ so she’ll be a little busy. I’d actually appreciate having something to do.

TRAVIS: If you’re sure, then yeah, that would be awesome.

TRAVIS PASSES THE CAMERA TO PIPER. PIPER PANS THE CAMERA AROUND, GETTING USED TO THE FEEL IN HER HAND.

PIPER: Nice. I feel like a real professional.

TRAVIS: Cool. Just so you know, that camera is enchanted. It can pick up conversations from pretty far away, and it has endless memory.

PIPER: Can it turn into a glock?

CONNOR: No. Why does everyone keep asking that?

PIPER: Just kidding. Catch you guys later.

THE VIDEO CLICKS OFF.

THE VIDEO CLICKS BACK ON. WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DANCE FLOOR. DEMIGODS ARE JUMPING AROUND AND DANCING WILDLY. THE CAMERA SPINS AROUND, AND DIFFERENT DEMIGODS LAUGH AND POSE INTO THE CAMERA.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH RACHEL

RACHEL: I would describe my DJ style as Charli XCX meets Grimes meets Alex G.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] Do you mean A.G. Cook?

RACHEL: No, I mean Alex G.

CUT BACK TO THE PROM PARTY

ANNABETH: [Out of breath] This music is awesome, but also oddly…depressing sometimes?

PERCY: I thought that was just me.

ANNABETH: Hm, must be Rachel’s style. Lemme get us some more blue Coke.

PERCY: You’re the best.

THE CAMERA PANS AROUND TO TRAVIS AND KATIE DANCING TOGETHER. THEY ARE GOOFY BUT FREE.

PIPER: [Behind the camera] Aww.

DREW: [From off camera] Oh, hey Percy.

PIPER SWINGS THE CAMERA BACK AROUND. PERCY IS STOOD TO THE SIDE OF THE DANCING WHILE ANNABETH GETS THEM SOME DRINKS. DREW HAS SAUNTERED UP TO HIM. PERCY IS LOOKING AT HER WITH SUSPICION.

PERCY: Um, hey, Drew.

DREW IS WEARING A BLACK VELVET, OFF SHOULDER DRESS WITH A LARGE SLIT UP THE SIDE. HER HAIR AND MAKEUP ARE PERFECT. SHE SMILES SWEETLY AT PERCY.

DREW: You look really good, Percy. You clean up nicely.

PERCY: [Stiffly] Um, thanks.

DREW: [Twirls] Do you like my outfit?

PERCY: It is certainly a dress.

DREW: Anything else you wanna say about it?

PERCY: [Considers] It’s black. And…velvet.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH PERCY

PERCY: When I’m in a conversation I don’t wanna be in, I start being real objective. No opinion or personality whatsoever. I just stick to the cold, hard facts.

TRAVIS: [From off camera] What do you and Annabeth do at the bottom of the canoe lake?

PERCY: [Stiffens] Annabeth…is a girl. My girlfriend, in fact. [Crosses arms over chest] The canoe lake is about twenty metres deep. A pretty mild temperature…that is all I am at liberty to discuss.

CUT BACK TO THE PROM SCENE

DREW: Aw, c’mon, Seaweed Brain. You can say I look pretty.

PERCY: [Eyes narrowing] Oh, no. You don’t get to call me that.

DREW: Why not? Afraid I might say it better than her?

PERCY: [Getting agitated] Oh BLEEP no. Be gone, wench.

DREW: Excuse me?

AT THIS MOMENT, ANNABETH WALKS OVER HOLDING TWO DRINKS.

ANNABETH: Hey, I got the Cokes. [Notices DREW] Oh, hey. What’s going on?

PERCY: Drew was just leaving, actually. Weren’t you, wench?

DREW: [Scowling]

ANNABETH: [Stifling a laugh] Wench?

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH ANNABETH

ANNABETH: [Confused] Who the BLEEP taught Percy the word wench? I know that boy doesn’t read.

CUT BACK TO THE PROM SCENE

DREW: Whatever. You’re not even that hot anyway.

DREW STORMS AWAY INDIGNANTLY. ANNABETH REALISES WHAT HAPPENED AND CHUCKLES. PERCY STILL LOOKS ANGRY.

PERCY: You know I don’t like insulting women. And you know I have a strong stance against ever using the b-word for a woman. But I’m gonna say it. Drew was being a real…butthead.

ANNABETH: [Touches PERCY’S arm, smiling affectionately at him] I know, Seaweed Brain.

PERCY: [Visibly relaxes, takes ANNABETH’S hand] Sounds so much better when you say it.

AT THAT MOMENT, THE MUSIC PAUSES AND CONNOR’S VOICE BOOMS OVER THE SPEAKER.

CONNOR: Good evening, Camp Half-Blood! How are we doing tonight?

THE DEMIGODS CHEER IN RESPONSE

CONNOR: I can’t hear you!

THE DEMIGODS CHEER LOUDER

CONNOR: Now THAT’S what I’m talking abou- ahem! Sorry, my throat’s still a little delicate for…reasons. Anyway. I’m here to announce your Prom King and Queen!

MORE CHEERS FROM THE DEMIGODS.

CONNOR: Alright! We have taken everyone’s votes and counted them carefully, and I am excited to announce that your crowned winners are…drum roll please…

THE DEMIGODS INITIATE A DRUM ROLL. EVERYONE IS OTHERWISE SILENT.

CONNOR: CHRIS RODRIGUEZ AND CLARISSE LA RUE!

THE CAMERA PANS TO THE WINNING COUPLE. CHRIS IS GRINNING AND CLARISSE LOOKS COMPLETELY STUNNED. CONNOR BECKONS THEM UP TO THE FRONT. CHRIS TAKES CLARISSE BY THE HAND AND LEADS HER. THE CAMPERS CHEER. CONNOR PRESENTS CHRIS AND CLARISSE WITH GOLDEN LAURELS, AND PLACES THEM ON THEIR HEADS. CLARISSE IS BEAMING. THE APPLAUSE LASTS A LONG TIME. THE CAMERA PANS BACK TO PERCY AND ANNABETH, WHO ARE SMILING PROUDLY.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH ANNABETH

ANNABETH: Look, Chris and Clarisse won fair and square. That’s all.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] So you had nothing to do with it?

ANNABETH: [Sighing] Look, after that night in the Poseidon cabin, I was thinking about Chris and Clarisse. Their relationship is so amazing. I mean, Clarisse practically nursed Chris back to health. She believed in him when everyone else still thought he was a traitor. And they’re so cute together. They’ve been solid for a long time. I think…I mean, everyone knows that they deserve to be Prom King and Queen.

CONNOR and TRAVIS: [Silent behind the camera]

ANNABETH: [Folding her arms over her chest] And if I had to do some…canvassing to help them win, then that’s beside the point.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CLOVIS, SON OF HYPNOS

CLOVIS: [Half-asleep] I had the strangest dream…[yawn]…an angry angel came into my cabin and…[yawn]…[stretch]…threatened me with a…a rifle…or it might have been a knife…or a stick…[yawn]…she said that…Clarisse and Chris…needed to be the…[snore] new rulers of the kingdom…our new royal overlords…yes…[snore]…yes, they must be…king and queen…[yawn] [snores loudly and keeps snoring]

CUT BACK TO THE PROM SCENE. PIPER IS STILL POINTING THE CAMERA AT PERCY AND ANNABETH, THEN IT PANS TO CHRIS AND CLARISSE, THEN SHE PANS TO TRAVIS AND KATIE, WHO ARE HOLDING HANDS. PIPER PANS AROUND A LOT OF DIFFERENT COUPLES AND STARTS TO SNIFF. THE SNIFFING GETS MORE FREQUENT. SHE EVENTUALLY FOCUSES BACK ON PERCY AND ANNABETH. ANNABETH LOOKS OVER AT PIPER AND SMILES, BUT THEN FROWNS.

ANNABETH: Hey, Pipes. You okay?

PIPER RUNS FROM THE MESS HALL, THE CAMERA POINTED AT THE GROUND. SHE GETS OUT OF THE CROWD AND SITS DOWN ON A GRASSY VERGE AROUND TEN METRES AWAY. THE CAMERA SITS IN HER LAP. PIPER CLICKS A BUTTON ON THE SIDE, WHICH TURNS THE IMAGE UPSIDE DOWN. ANNABETH APPEARS NEXT TO HER.

ANNABETH: [Sitting down, putting an arm around PIPER] Hey, what’s going on?

PIPER: [Crying] I’m sorry, I’m ruining the vibe.

ANNABETH: No, you’re not. [Notices the camera] Hey, do you wanna turn that off?

PIPER: [Sniffing] Oh, I think I did.

ANNABETH: [Gently] What’s going on?

PIPER: [Taking a deep breath] Me and Jason. We’re…on a break. [Starts crying]

ANNABETH: Oh, Pipes. [ANNABETH hugs PIPER tightly] I’m so sorry.

PIPER: [Sniffing] We thought that…that once the war was over, everything would be great. But…I don’t know, Annabeth. It’s like the whole Gaea thing was all we really had in common.

ANNABETH: What do you mean?

PIPER: Now that we’re not in mortal danger, it’s like we’ve lost momentum. There’s just not much else to fall back on. No substance to our relationship.

ANNABETH: That really sucks. I’m so sorry.

PIPER: [Sniffing] It is what it is, I guess. I just wish we were like you and Percy, or Chris and Clarisse. You guys have been through so much and you’re stronger for it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and Jason.

ANNABETH: [Smiling sympathetically at PIPER] Yeah, but Percy and I…we had a years-long friendship first. And yeah, we were in mortal danger together, but usually only for a week or two out of the whole year. We also got to just be kids together. Same for Chris and Clarisse. You and Jason don’t have that same foundation. Which isn’t to say it can’t work, but it makes it harder once…once the common ground is lost.

PIPER: [Nodding] Exactly. [Sniffing] Ugh, I’m such an awful daughter of Aphrodite. I hate clothes and makeup, and I suck at love.

ANNABETH: [Firmly but affectionately] Hey. Don’t talk about my amazing friend that way. You made Clarisse feel so special when we were getting ready. And you helped me and Rachel. And more than that, you are a kickass fighter and a true, reliable friend. You’re awesome, Piper. Your relationship with Jason doesn’t define you.

PIPER: Yeah…yeah, I guess you’re right. Sorry for being so dramatic, it was just suddenly so impossible to be around so many couples.

ANNABETH: Yeah, I bet. I’m sorry. I should have been more sensitive.

PIPER: That’s not your fault. You didn’t know.

ANNABETH: Yeah, but I had my suspicions.

AT THAT MOMENT, PERCY COMES OUT OF THE MESS HALL AND WANDERS OVER TO THE GIRLS.

PERCY: Hey, I was wondering where - oh BLEEP, you okay, Pipes?

PIPER: Hey, Percy. Sorry, I stole your girlfriend to cry for a minute.

PERCY: [Sitting down the other side of PIPER] You and Jason, right?

PIPER: Yeah, how did you know?

PERCY: He’s been Iris-Messaging me. Sorry, I feel like I should have told you.

PIPER: No, it’s okay. I’m glad he’s talking to you about it.

PERCY: It’s been a lot for you. First we lost Leo, and I know you were super close to him. And now you feel like you’re losing Jason. That’s a lot of losing people.

PIPER: Yeah…wow, Percy. That’s very astute.

PERCY: [Confused] Ass toot? What, like a fart?

ANNABETH: [Smirking] No, Seaweed Brain. Astute. It means you really nailed it.

PIPER: [Giggling] Ass toot.

THE TRIO LAUGH FOR A FEW MOMENTS. PIPER DABS AT THE CORNERS OF HER EYES.

PIPER: Ugh, do I look like I’ve been crying?

ANNABETH: No.

PERCY: Yes.

PIPER: Whatever. I’m holding the camera, so hopefully no one notices.

ANNABETH: You really wanna go back in?

PIPER: [Smiling weakly] Yeah. I wanna dance with my friends.

PERCY: That’s the spirit! Although we might wanna wait for the song to change. Rachel is playing some electronic remix of 'Hallelujah' by Leonard Cohen.

ANNABETH: She certainly has a…distinct style.

PIPER: [Picks up the camera] Oh BLEEP, this was still on. And why is it upside down?

THE VIDEO CUTS OUT.

THE VIDEO COMES BACK ON. THE IMAGE IS THE CORRECT WAY UP. WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DANCE FLOOR. RACHEL HAS REMIXED 'VROOM VROOM' BY CHARI XCX WITH 'DON’T LOOK BACK IN ANGER' BY OASIS. THE DEMIGODS ARE GOING WILD.

CONNOR: [Over the mic] COME ON, HALFBLOODS! LET’S PARTY LIKE SPARTANS!

SEVERAL ARES CAMPERS BRANDISH WEAPONS AND POUND THEIR CHESTS

CONNOR: ERM - PEACEFUL SPARTANS.

THE ARES CAMPERS GROAN IN DISAPPOINTMENT AND PUT THEIR WEAPONS AWAY. PIPER PANS THE CAMERA TO KATIE AND TRAVIS, WHO ARE DANCING TOGETHER AND LAUGHING.

TRAVIS: [Shouting at KATIE to be heard over the music] I’m having so much fun with you!

KATIE: [Also shouting] I’m having so much fun with you, too!

PIPER PANS THE CAMERA AGAIN, AND CATCHES MOVEMENT NEAR ONE OF THE PUSHED-BACK BENCHES. SHE ZOOMS IN AND SEES GROVER. GROVER LOOKS FLUSTERED AND SWEATY. HE IS WEARING A BOWTIE AROUND HIS NECK, WHICH HAS COME LOOSE. PIPER MAKES HER WAY TOWARDS HIM.

PIPER: [Behind the camera] Hey, Grover. You okay?

GROVER: [Slightly breathless] Who, me? I’m great. Awesome, in fact.

PIPER: You sure? You seem a little…stressed.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH GROVER

GROVER: Look. I have found and been Protector of three Big 3 children in the past decade. I have fought in the Battle of Manhattan. I have been in the Labyrinth and witnessed the death of the great Pan. I have had my Searcher’s license revoked, and then been made a Lord of the Wild. I have spent months searching for my missing best friend. I once tricked Polyphemus into thinking I was a female cyclopes, and stalled for time by pretending to weave a wedding dress. I have an empathy link with Percy Jackson. I have even met Juniper’s parents. But THIS? Catering for a Halfblood party? [Pauses] This was the most stressful thing I have ever done in my life.

CUT BACK TO PROM SCENE

GROVER: It’s fine. It’s just…lots of dishes. Lots of clearing away to do. The cleaning harpies are getting antsy. The other satyrs keep stress-eating the cutlery. We’re down to our final few forks. I don’t wanna be around when Juniper realises that there are only spoons and knives left.

PIPER: Ah, that sounds rough. Is there anything we can do to help?

AT THAT MOMENT, A PANICKED SATYR COMES RUNNING OVER TO GROVER.

SATYR: My…My Lord! We have a problem!

GROVER: Oh no. What is it? Did we run out of chips?

SATYR: Much worse, my Lord…it’s…it’s Dionysus.

GROVER: Is he angry?

SATYR: Worse.

GROVER: Is he…happy?

SATYR: Worse. He’s…[SATYR leans in closer and speaks quietly, wide-eyed] He’s drunk.

GROVER: No…no, it can’t be! It’s physically impossible!

SATYR: [Mournfully gnawing on a fork] See for yourself.

THE SATYR POINTS AND PIPER FOLLOWS WITH THE CAMERA. MR D IS LOUNGING ON A SEAT TOWARDS THE FRONT OF THE MESS HALL. HE IS SWIGGING FROM A BOTTLE IN A PAPER BAG. HE SEEMS OUT OF IT. HE IS LAUGHING TO HIMSELF. CHIRON IS WATCHING WITH A MIXTURE OF ANXIETY AND CONFUSION. CHIRON KEEPS GLANCING NERVOUSLY AT THE SKY, AS IF EXPECTING SOMETHING TO HAPPEN.

GROVER: Oh no. Oh, no no no. How?

PIPER KEEPS THE CAMERA ON DIONYSUS.

CHIRON: [Leaning over to Mr D] Um, are you alright there, my friend?

MR D: Mmm. Never better.

CHIRON: Are you sure? You do not seem…yourself.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CHIRON

CHIRON: Actually, he seemed exactly himself, if you catch my drift. That’s why I was so worried.

CUT BACK TO PROM SCENE

MR D: Am enjoying me’self. Stop worrying. Stupid horse.

CHIRON: [Looking at the brown paper bag] And what exactly is in there?

MR D: Nunya.

CHIRON: Nunya?

MR D: Nunya business! Ha ha! [Wheeze]

THUNDER BOOMS IN THE DISTANCE. PIPER PANS THE CAMERA BACK TO GROVER, WHO HAS GONE VERY PALE.

GROVER: [Fake calm, looking directly into the camera] So! We’re all gonna die.

SUDDENLY, ANOTHER SATYR HAS ARRIVED ON THE SCENE. HE RUNS UP TO GROVER.

SATYR 2: My Lord, Mr D-

GROVER: [Wailing] Is drunk! I know. We’re all gonna die.

SATYR 2: I know who did this. I know how this happened.

GROVER: What? How?

SATYR 2: I was there when they came to ask for permission. I was playing Pinochle with Mr D.

GROVER: Who? Who came for permission? [Realisation dawning] Oh. Oh, you don’t mean…

SATYR 2: [Nodding gravely] The Stolls. They made a deal.

AT THIS EXACT MOMENT, 'RUNNING UP THAT HILL' BY KATE BUSH STARTS PLAYING.

PIPER: [Behind the camera] Damn, that’s a little on the nose.

GROVER: What?

PIPER: Nevermind. What the BLEEP are we gonna do?

GROVER: I don’t know, but we need to keep Mr D away from everyone. At least until we figure out what to do.

PIPER: Good plan.

SATYR 1: Um, my Lord…he’s gone.

GROVER: What?!

PIPER PANS THE CAMERA BACK. MR D IS NO LONGER IN HIS SEAT. CHIRON HAS ALSO GONE.

GROVER: Okay, we need a search party. I’ll check the woods, you satyrs check the Big House, Piper, you check the kitchen. Maybe he’s hungry.

SATYR 2: Um, my Lord, I don’t think that will be necessary.

GROVER: What? Why not?

SATYR 2: [Pointing to the front of the hall] Because he’s right there.

MR D IS CURRENTLY WRESTLING THE MIC FROM CONNOR’S HAND. CHIRON IS TRYING TO INTERVENE, BUT IS FAILING. DEMIGODS ARE STARTING TO NOTICE A COMMOTION AND ARE STARING IN CONFUSION. EVENTUALLY, MR D PRISES THE MIC FROM CONNOR’S HANDS. HE SIGNALS TO RACHEL TO STOP THE MUSIC, SO SHE FADES TO SILENCE.

MR D: [Over the mic] G’devening, brats.

THE DEMIGODS ALL STOP AND TURN TO MR D. CHIRON IS TRYING TO EXTRACT THE MIC FROM MR D, BUT MR D KEEPS SWATTING HIM AWAY.

MR D: Ya’know, wherever ’tis a party, ole’ Dionysus is there. [Spreads his arms] Well, here I am! TADA!

THE DEMIGODS ARE STUNNED INTO SILENCE. TRAVIS AND CONNOR EXCHANGE NERVOUS LOOKS. TRAVIS WHISPERS SOMETHING TO KATIE AND STARTS WALKING TOWARDS THE FRONT WHERE HIS BROTHER IS. KATIE LOOKS ANXIOUS WATCHING HIM LEAVE.

MR D: [Noticing TRAVIS] Ha! There he is! Half the man of the hour! [Turns to CONNOR] Here’s the other half. Two halves make a whole. Two wrongs make a right. Two Stolls make a fool. Ha ha!

CLARISSE: What the BLEEP is happening right now.

AS IF IN ANSWER, THUNDER BOOMS IN THE DISTANCE, A LITTLE CLOSER THAN BEFORE.

MR D: Ya know why we gods have children?

THE DEMIGODS ARE SILENT.

MR D: ‘Cause you lot can do things we can’t! He he!

PIPER PANS TO PERCY, WHO STARES DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND SUNS.

PIPER PANS BACK TO THE FRONT. TRAVIS HAS REACHED CONNOR. THE BROTHERS STAND ANXIOUSLY NEXT TO MR D. THE CAMERA PICKS UP THEIR QUICK EXCHANGE.

CONNOR: [Whispering to TRAVIS] I just wanna say, if this is it, it’s been an honour pranking alongside you.

TRAVIS: [Whispering back] Likewise. Also, you know Xboxgate 2007? I did delete your save file.

CONNOR: WHAT.

MR D: Boys! Whaddya give me?

A FEW GASPS GO UP FROM CAMPERS. CHIRON LOOKS LIKE HE IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE. THUNDER BOOMS A LITTLE CLOSER.

TRAVIS: Um…Kava. Just like we said.

MR D: Cava?

POLLUX: [From the crowd] Kava?

CONNOR: [Nodding] Kava.

MR D: No. This is no Cava.

POLLUX: [Frowning, realising] Kava…Cava…Kava…!

MR D: Cava?

CONNOR: …Kava.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CONNOR

CONNOR: Kava? I hardly know her! [Slaps knee and snorts, then falls silent] I didn’t think it was appropriate to say at the time.

CUT BACK TO PROM SCENE

MR D: Do not lie to me, boy!

TRAVIS: We’re not lying! It is Kava!

MR D: My lips. Tongue. Tingly.

CONNOR: That…means it’s the good stuff.

MR D: Why hasn’t White Lightning struck me down?

TRAVIS: Uh…

CONNOR: He…doesn’t know.

MR D: No. Am not drunk, yasee.

TRAVIS: Of course you are.

MR D: Am not. I know, boy. I invented it.

MR D STAGGERS A LITTLE MORE UNSTEADILY. HE GLOWERS AT THE BOYS. THE DEMIGODS ARE WATCHING FEARFULLY.

MR D: Where did ya get the “Cava”?

TRAVIS: Um…

CONNOR: Well…

POLLUX: [Shouting from the audience] It was me. I got it.

MR D: [Confused] You sayin’ a son of mine doesn’t know what wine is?

POLLUX: Um, no. It’s not wine, dad. It’s not alcohol.

EVERYONE SHIFTS UNCOMFORTABLY. THE ATMOSPHERE IS TENSE. ANOTHER THUNDERCLAP BOOMS, BUT IT SOUNDS A LITTLE FARTHER AWAY.

MR D: I know ’tis not alcohol.

TRAVIS: [Blinking] What?

MR D: I am no fool, boy. If this were alcohol, Greek Thor woulda struck us all to dust. No. No, this is Hermes trickery.

CONNOR: Oh…so are we in trouble?

MR D: Pollux! My boy! Tell me. What’s this stuff?

POLLUX: Kava. With a K. It’s a ground root. Used in Pacific Island cultures. [POLLUX looks up at the sky] NOT alcohol. And, for the record, I had no idea these two idiots were giving it to you, dad.

MR D: [Laughing hysterically] Kava with a K! Oh, that’s good. And they tricked you, too! Har har har!

TRAVIS AND CONNOR FLINCH WITH EACH PEEL OF LAUGHTER. EVERYONE IS DUMBFOUNDED. THE THUNDER RUMBLES AGAIN, BUT EVEN FURTHER AWAY.

TRAVIS: So, um. Are we in trouble?

MR D: [Looking at the Stolls as if seeing them for the first time] Oh, um. Hmmm…nah.

CONNOR: N…no?

MR D: Nah. Best I’ve felt in years! [Roars with laughter]

CONNOR: Uh…what is happening right now?

MR D: [Laughs unnervingly] I like this stuff. Tastes like roses. Tingles. Very good. I shall be wanting more.

TRAVIS: [Looking at POLLUX] Um, sure. We can arrange that.

MR D: [Slapping TRAVIS on the back] Very good! Well, back to the party, everyone! [Looks over at RACHEL] Boudicca! Keep playing!

RACHEL LOOKS UNCERTAIN, BUT RESUMES THE MUSIC. THE DEMIGODS ARE STILL FROZEN IN SHOCK. CONNOR TAKES THE MIC BACK FROM MR D, WHO STAGGERS OFF TO THE SIDE WITH CHIRON. CONNOR SMILES TIGHTLY AT THE DEMIGODS.

CONNOR: And that, folks, is how you organise a demigod Prom. But don’t try this at home - me and Travis are professionals.

CHRIS: [Calling from crowd] Professional morons!

NERVOUS LAUGHTER RISES FROM THE CROWD.

CONNOR: Maybe so. But let’s not waste our good fortune. Our lives are fragile and any one of us could die at any moment, blah blah blah. Let’s dance!

THAT SENTIMENT SEEMS TO RESONATE WITH EVERYONE. THE DANCE FLOOR QUICKLY BECOMES FULL AGAIN. PEOPLE SEEM TO BE MOVING ON FROM WHAT JUST HAPPENED WITH MR D. PIPER PANS THE CAMERA AROUND TO SEE REACTIONS. KATIE KISSES TRAVIS TRIUMPHANTLY. PERCY AND ANNABETH SHRUG AT EACH OTHER AND GO BACK TO DANCING. CHRIS AND CLARISSE ARE GIGGLING OFF TO THE SIDE. POLLUX IS DEEP IN CONVERSATION WITH HIS FATHER AT THE HEAD BENCH. CHIRON HAS HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS. GROVER IS TRYING TO REVIVE A SATYR WHO FAINTED BY WAFTING FOOD UNDER THE SATYR’S NOSE. PIPER PANS FURTHER TO THE SIDE AND CATCHES WILL SOLACE AND NICO DI ANGELO SNEAKING OUT OF THE MESS HALL TOGETHER.

PIPER: [Behind the camera] What the?

ANNABETH: [Behind PIPER] C’mon Pipes!

PIPER TURNS AROUND. ANNABETH IS GRINNING AT HER.

ANNABETH: I think you’ve captured enough excitement for one evening. Let’s dance!

PIPER LAUGHS AND CLICKS THE CAMERA OFF.

THE CAMERA CLICKS BACK ON. IT IS POINTED AT TRAVIS, WHO IS SAT ON HIS BUNK. IT IS LATE MORNING, BUT THE CABIN IS STILL FULL OF SLEEPING CAMPERS. EVERYONE IS TIRED. TRAVIS IS STILL WEARING HIS SUIT FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE. HIS HAIR IS DISHEVELLED AND HIS BOWTIE IS GONE, AND THE FIRST FEW BUTTONS OF HIS SHIRT ARE UNDONE. HE LOOKS AT THE CAMERA WITH A GLASSY EXPRESSION.

TRAVIS: Dude, is this what a hangover feels like?

CONNOR: [Raspy behind the camera] Dude, you didn’t drink any alcohol.

TRAVIS: [Grumbling] Still.

CHRIS: [From his bunk] Either shut up or do this outside. Some of us are trying to sleep.

THE CAMERA CLICKS OFF.

THE VIDEO COMES BACK ON. WE ARE APPROACHING THE MESS HALL AT DINNER. THERE ARE STILL DECORATIONS UP FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE, BUT THE BENCHES ARE PUSHED BACK TO NORMAL POSITIONS. EVERYONE LOOKS TIRED, BUT THEY ARE NOW DRESSED NORMALLY.

TRAVIS: [Entering the mess hall] Let’s see how everyone feels about last night.

THE STOLLS ENTER. UPON ARRIVING, A FEW DEMIGODS START TO CLAP. OTHER PEOPLE JOIN IN. SOON, THE WHOLE OF CAMP IS APPLAUDING THEM.

TRAVIS: W…what?

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] This is crazy.

KATIE STANDS UP AND WHOOPS. THE CLAPPING GETS MORE ENTHUSIASTIC. EVENTUALLY, CHIRON STANDS UP AND MOTIONS FOR THE CLAPPING TO CEASE.

CHIRON: Yes, very good. We are all grateful for the efforts of Connor and Travis. But please, some of us have rather sore heads.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CHIRON

CHIRON: Music…it used to be soft. Simple. I should have swapped out some of Rachel’s records for Dean Martin.

CUT BACK TO THE MESS HALL

THE CLAPPING DIES DOWN. CONNOR AND TRAVIS TAKE THEIR SEATS AT THE HERMES TABLE. THEIR SIBLINGS CLAP THEM ON THE BACK AND CONGRATULATE THEM.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CHRIS

CHRIS: I don’t know how you sons of BLEEPs pulled it off, but you did. You really did it.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH ANNABETH

ANNABETH: Did I enjoy last night? Sure did. I mean, I was pretty sure that you were both gonna get smited, but I guess it’s cool that you didn’t.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] You guess it’s cool?

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH RACHEL

RACHEL: [Manically] Last night was so epic! I actually haven’t slept yet, I’ve been too busy making tunes on Garage Band. [Pulls out laptop] I actually just finished my remix of '212' by Azealia Banks with 'Lover, You Should Have Come Over' by Jeff Buckley. Wanna hear?

TRAVIS and CONNOR: [In unison] NO!

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CLARISSE

CLARISSE: [Talking to the boys behind the camera] No, you WILL address me as Your Majesty.

CONNOR: [Behind the camera] Clarisse, you know being Prom Queen doesn’t make you an actual queen, right?

CLARISSE: [Pulls out spear]

CONNOR: I mean, how was your night…Your Majesty.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH POLLUX

POLLUX: Well, after you idiots tricked me into smuggling Kava in for my dad, my dad has now decided that I’m his number one son. So I guess I should be thanking you. [Looks down] Hear that, Castor? Dad actually noticed me!

TRAVIS: [Behind the camera] Um, why are you looking down? Don’t people usually look up at their…deceased relatives?

POLLUX: [Incredulous] It’s called the Underworld, not the Aboveworld. BLEEP-ing moron.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH PIPER

PIPER: Last night was pretty fun. Thanks for letting me film.

CONNOR: [Behind camera] No worries, thanks for stepping in for us.

PIPER: Of course! It was great just to have a night with my friends. It was a good reminder that I’m not alone.

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] We really loved your artistic approach. And filming upside-down was so cool. It provided a great commentary on how topsy turvy demigod lives can be.

PIPER: [Looks directly into the camera]

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH NICO

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] Wait, you were there last night?

NICO: Yeah, kinda. I sent a shadow version of myself.

CONNOR: [Behind camera] Really?

NICO: No.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH WILL

WILL: You have a video of me and Nico doing what?

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] We have a video of you and Nico leaving the mess hall. Where’d you guys go?

WILL: [Smirking] Wouldn’t you like to know, camera boy.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH KATIE

KATIE: [Grinning] Um, yeah. I really loved last night. You guys did great. [Giggles]

TRAVIS: [Giggling behind camera]

CONNOR: [Behind camera] Ew, get a room, you guys!

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH DREW

DREW: Last night was whatever. I guess it was fun to get dressed up. And it was funny when Mr D yelled at you guys. [Smirking] And I was able to slip Percy more of my enchantment.

CONNOR: [Behind camera] Enchantment? What, like a love potion?

DREW: [Rolling her eyes] No. My mom would literally disown me if I tried to do that. Also, desperate much? No, not that kind of enchantment.

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] So…what kind?

DREW: [Folding arms over chest] Hmph, that’s for me to know and you to guess. But let’s just say, you might wanna bare it in mind next time you see him. [Winks]

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH PERCY

PERCY: [Looking in the camera, desperate] Where the BLEEP do my shirts keep going?

THE SCENE CUTS OUT

THE STOLLS NOW NARRATE WHILE B-ROLL FOOTAGE OF CAMP HALF-BLOOD AND THE PROM PLAYS.

CONNOR: [Narrating] So, the prom is over and we have achieved our objectives. Objective number 1, was to have fun. We felt like we deserved it after so much war and suffering. And it was a success! We got to party and dance with our friends like any other normal teens. And we even got to experience normal relationship drama, which for demigods is kinda the dream.

THE MONTAGE SHIFTS TO A SELECTION OF CLIPS OF KATIE. THEY SHOW HER TENDING TO PLANTS OUTSIDE HER CABIN, PICKING STRAWBERRIES, LAUGHING WITH HER SIBLINGS, CHATTING TO DRYADS, AND BRUSHING HER LONG HAIR.

TRAVIS: [Narrating] The second objective was to ask out the girl I’ve had a crush on for years. With a little help from my bro, I can now say that we are officially dating! And honestly, I’ve never been happier.

CONNOR: [Narrating] Yeah man, best prank ever.

TRAVIS: [Narrating] Best. Prank. Ever.

THE VIDEO CUTS OUT.

THE CAMERA CLICKS ON. WE ARE IN A TALKING HEAD WITH CHRIS.

CHRIS: [Looking past the camera at the Stolls] Hey, why were you filming this thing anyway? You told me if was for a documentary, but what kind of documentary?

TRAVIS: [Behind camera] Um…

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH ANNABETH:

ANNABETH: [Frowning] You told me you were filming so you could show your mom what you get up to at Camp.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH RACHEL

RACHEL: You told me you were filming because you wanna go to film school.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CLARISSE

CLARISSE: You guys told me you were filming for protection, to stop any of us murdering you because it would be caught on camera. [Chuckles darkly] Kinda genius, honestly.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CHIRON

CHIRON: [Frowning] You told me you were making a new Camp Half-Blood welcome video.

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH DREW

DREW: Oh, I never questioned why you were filming. A star never turns down a chance to be on camera!

CUT TO TALKING HEAD WITH CONNOR AND TRAVIS:

TRAVIS: Why did we film all this? Well, I don’t really feel comfortable…disclosing our sponsor.

CONNOR: I don’t give a BLEEP. This is for Hephaestus TV. We got offered a lot of money, I’m talking-

TRAVIS: SHUT. UP.

Notes:

Thanks so much for reading! I can honestly say this is the most fun I have ever had writing a fanfic before, and I've been in the game a long time. If people enjoy it I might try and do another in this style. It was very self-indulgent to write but I had a vision and I'm glad I could realise it. I hope you had as good a time reading this as I did writing it!

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