Chapter Text
On the universal journey from childhood into adulthood, it was perhaps inevitable for one to discover that there were certain attributes that were excusable in one's youth that were not so in later years. Indeed, some habits and tendencies were considered a sign of immaturity and were, therefore, expected to be outgrown. Hyacinth Bridgerton was eight years old when she learned that her inquisitiveness was one of them.
The occasion arose when one day her mama had invited a gentleman and his wife who had recently moved into a nearby house for afternoon tea at Aubrey Hall. The evening prior at dinner, Anthony had mentioned that the man was in possession of an impressive mustache and Hyacinth, having never before seen a man with a mustache let alone an impressive one, was determined to see it.
Giving her French tutor the slip the next day, she hid underneath the cloth-covered tea table in the sitting room, prepared to wait as long as it took to catch a glimpse of her quarry. Just as the couple were being shown into the room, however, an unfortunately timed sneeze gave her away, startling a servant into dropping the teapot he had been pouring with a loud clatter.
“Hyacinth Bridgerton! What on earth do you think you are doing?” her mama had demanded when she reluctantly emerged from her hiding place.
“But Mama, I only wanted to see his mustache! Anthony said it was an impressive one!”
Lady Bridgerton quickly turned to her guests, flustered with embarrassment.
“I do apologize, Mr. Croft. My Hyacinth has always been an inquisitive child.”
“Oh never mind, Lady Bridgerton. I am told I do indeed have an impressive mustache. Miss Hyacinth, is it? Come inspect it at your leisure, child. I daresay you’ll not find a finer specimen in all of England.”
With that he had invited the girl to sit between him and his wife, which Hyacinth proceeded to do, happily ignorant of the disapproval on her mother’s face as she began peppering the man with questions.
(“Does it not tickle your nose? Does food ever get stuck in it? Was it always so white?”)
Despite the old gentleman kindly obliging the girl’s inquiries, (“Only sometimes when I yawn or smile too widely. Yes it does, and my wife is forever scolding me for it. No, it was once a dark brown color, but has not been for years now.”) Lady Bridgerton had pulled her youngest child aside later that night to lecture her on her behavior.
“Darling, you have been blessed with a remarkably keen and beautifully inquisitive nature and while it is very sweet, it can sometimes be impertinent to be so… open with your curiosity.”
“Was Mr. Croft angry with me?” the young girl had asked in alarm.
“Oh no… he was rather charmed, I think.”
“Then why-?”
“Part of being a proper young lady, dearest, is to not ask so many questions.”
Now this was utterly baffling for the girl to hear. After all, she was also told that proper young ladies were supposed to be learned. And yet, how could one learn anything if one could not ask questions? It seemed absurd, but Hyacinth very much wanted to be a proper young lady, like her sister Daphne, who was always described as one despite still being a few years shy of her debut in society. The youngest Bridgerton, therefore, vowed right then and there that no question would leave her lips ever again.
This resolve, staunch though it began, quickly took its toll. Each time a question nearly escaped her the next day, she would immediately clamp her mouth shut and angrily berate herself for her failure. It was not yet noon by the time she was completely frustrated, lost all hope of her ever becoming a proper lady, and sought refuge in her favorite hiding spot, determined to stay there for the rest of time.
She was not under the desk in the study for five minutes before she was found.
“If there are any hidden little mice under my desk, I invite them to come out now before I set the family cat on you.”
“We do not have a cat,” Hyacinth could not help correcting, making no move to emerge despite the pair of legs that appeared before her.
“Hmmm… the voice under the desk does make an excellent point. But since last I checked, mice do not possess the ability to speak, perhaps a cat is not necessary at all. Perhaps what we need to draw out whatever creature is hiding under my desk is…”
Suddenly Hyacinth was face to face with Anthony as he crouched down to her level.
“... a very concerned older brother.”
Hyacinth's face crumpled to tears upon seeing her oldest sibling, immediately crawling toward his open arms and falling into his embrace on the floor.
“What troubles you, little one?”
It took several moments for her cries to subside enough for her to answer.
“Is it bad-?” she started before she gasped loudly and covered her mouth with both hands, tears nearly starting again.
“Is what bad, Hyacinth?” Anthony had asked, gently drawing her hands back down.
“That's just it! I cannot ask!” she wailed in return.
“And pray, why not?”
“Mama said…” she sniffled woefully. “She said that proper young ladies do not ask questions. But, brother, I have so many questions! All the time, they just bubble out of me and I cannot help it. And so now I feel absolutely wretched because I know I can never be a lady because of it!”
Hyacinth had been too young (and distressed) to discern the hardness that appeared in her brother's eyes upon the mention of their mother. She could only comprehend his hand rubbing soothing circles on her back and his gentle voice when he asked for more information.
“Why don't you tell me what happened? From the beginning.”
And so the girl launched into her account of Mr. Croft and his mustache, of mama and her lecture, and of her own self and her failed resolve to put an end to her inquisitive nature. She was so absorbed in the task that she failed to notice her brother’s valiant effort to keep from laughing at some points, but by the time she had finished and looked for his reaction, he only appeared very serious as he considered her predicament.
“Hyacinth, having an inquisitive nature is not a bad thing at all. In fact, it is quite normal for children.”
“But I want to be a lady!”
“But what you are is eight years old. And there are so many things in this world that eight-year-olds have not seen or experienced. It is only natural that you should be curious about them… I know I was when I was your age.”
“You were?” she asked incredulously.
“Oh yes. Mother used to scold me all the time for it, too. And Father…”
He trailed off, but Hyacinth did not notice, still reeling as she was from the revelation that her oldest brother had been at all like her too as a child. This was astonishing news to her and most reassuring. After all, her brother grew up to be a fine gentleman. The best one she knew, in fact. Perhaps there was still hope for her to become a fine lady, too.
“What I mean to say, sister mine, is that being curious at your age is perfectly natural. I suppose what Mother was trying to convey to you last night is that there are times when it might be better to exercise restraint in your curiosity, especially when it comes to strangers or new acquaintances. Also sometimes the things you might wish to know may not be comfortable or even possible for others to discuss.”
Hyacinth nodded, brows furrowed as she processed her brother's words.
“Besides, I would very much prefer it if you were not a proper young lady for a long, long time. Can you not be my little sister for a while yet?”
At this, the girl readily agreed, for she was extremely loath to disappoint her favorite brother.
“But I shall make you this promise in the meantime,” he offered, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “If you find yourself uncertain about whether it is a proper thing to ask, you can always come to me first and I will do my best to give you an honest answer.”
“You will?”
“Upon my honor,” was his solemn reply.
“Then tell me, brother, are there inquisitive adults?”
“There are and they are not nearly as lovable as you.”
The youngest Bridgerton’s childhood then continued on: charming, idyllic, and happy. Her candid and inquisitive nature remained, often indulged by her family though she had been on the receiving end of more than a few startled looks and exasperated lectures over the years.
Anthony, for his part, kept his promise to her. Even if he was not always able to provide an answer as soon as she might wish it or give as much detail as she might like, he never willfully ignored a question from his youngest sister. In fact, he never appeared at all bothered when she popped in with one of her random inquiries and more often than not even seemed to enjoy her visits.
When she came to him one night full of questions about a card game she had come across during a garden party earlier that day, Anthony had quickly abandoned his paperwork to fetch a deck of cards. He then allowed her to stay up long past her curfew as he taught her the rules and tricks of the game. And though he did grumble a bit when she was eventually able to best him, Hyacinth suspected he was not actually all that upset. In fact, she thought he looked rather proud of her as he slid the rather sizable pile of coins her way.
(There was but one occasion when the man had failed to answer a question of hers, but as one of their other siblings had cut in at the time, Hyacinth had not actually noticed Anthony's lack of response to her query about the living situation of Miss Edwina’s sister.)
Over the years, Hyacinth had grown quite accustomed to going to her older brother to satisfy her curiosities on whatever caught her interest that day. From the rules of pall mall to what it meant to be in one’s cups to why Lady Danbury walked with a cane, the girl would regularly prance over to his office to ask about all manner of things. She never could understand her other siblings’ jokes about the tyrant who held court in the viscount’s study for Anthony had always been most welcoming toward her when she visited him there.
Indeed, despite it being the most somber room in the house, both at Aubrey Hall and their home in London, full of dark furniture, boring books, stuffy paintings, and generally lacking in anything that might remotely interest a high-spirited young girl, Hyacinth found the study to be a rather comforting place.
She liked the smell of ink and parchment, the subtle hint of brandy that permeated the air there and after a long day of lessons, the darkness of the room felt rather soothing for an aching head. And though their contents certainly did not appeal to her, the books themselves stacked beautifully and when arranged just so, served as grand castles or exotic palaces for her dolls to explore. The lack of plush furnishings was not bothersome to her either, for more often than not she was on the floor under her brother’s desk, regardless of whether the man was using it or not.
During times of distress or vexation (usually at the hands of another brother of hers), Hyacinth would often seek refuge there. As she grew older, however, it became less easy to do so. Not just because it became increasingly intolerable for her to run away from a fight with Gregory, but also for the fact that her growing height made it rather difficult to actually fit there. Besides, there was not much to truly distress her.
For indeed, her family had been blessed with rather good fortune of late. Now admittedly, she could not recall a time when it was any other way, but it seemed that the last few years had been especially good for the Bridgertons.
Daphne married a duke and now had a lovely baby of her own. Hyacinth might have preferred that Augie had been a girl instead, but she nevertheless doted upon her nephew. Simon, as well, was rather funny and the growing collection of paper animals on her windowsill never failed to delight her. Her only regret was that she was not able to see them all as much as she would have liked, but with so many siblings still at home, there was still much to keep her diverted.
Then another hectic social season came and went, culminating with another sibling married and Hyacinth could not have adored her new sister more. Long before the two became sisters (and even when she believed that it was another Sharma who was to join the family,) she had always been drawn to Kate. She was fascinated by her, the bolder colors she wore, the strange spices she added to her tea, the far off country she hailed from. And, of course, the dog that was usually at the woman’s side only added to her intrigue.
At one point Hyacinth’s head had been so full of vivid descriptions of colorful markets and streams full of turtles that she had stolen a few of Colin's maps to see if India really was too far for her to visit.
(And when she struggled to interpret the map and all its symbols, naturally she knew just who to seek out for assistance. At the time, she had been too impatient to learn the answer to her query to find it unusual that Anthony had a globe on his desk already turned to the country in question and assumed the ease with which he traced out the distance between England and India was simply due to his skill at geography and nothing more.)
When it became clear to her that India was indeed very far away, Hyacinth was left feeling quite dejected, though fortunately not for very long. Indeed, it was scarcely a fortnight later that she learned that Kate and Newton would be joining the family and that made her very happy.
Now, of course, the youngest Bridgerton was aware that her family had not been wholly untouched by hardship this entire time. She had grown rather adept at sensing when to avoid a particularly waspish sibling of hers and at recognizing when she was about to be recruited for a promenade or some other outing to display their ‘family unity.’ And yet, despite the judgmental looks she sometimes saw her family receive when they were out and her mother’s obvious preoccupations with them, Hyacinth herself was usually not troubled. She knew everything would work out in the end. They always did.
Still there were some occasions when Hyacinth would bear with the discomfort of contorting herself to fit under the desk in the study. She found herself doing it more frequently as the months dragged on when Anthony was away on his honeymoon, usually a charmingly rotund canine companion at her side.
And that was where she found herself now, alone this time, shortly after Kate and Anthony shared their news at breakfast that morning.
Hyacinth did not know why the announcement that there was to be another baby in the family suddenly made her so uneasy. After all, Daphne already had a child and was expecting another one soon and she had only been very thrilled when she first heard that happy news. She loved being an aunt. She adored Augie, loved playing with him, cooing at him, stacking and then knocking down his blocks over and over again in that way that seemed to delight him so, and she was very much looking forward to doing the same for his new brother or sister.
Thus was she left completely at a loss as to why she felt so troubled now. What difference did it make being an aunt for Daphne’s children than it did for Anthony’s? Ostensibly there was no difference, and yet the tears that threatened to spill seemed to tell another story.
Pulling her knees closer to her, she folded her arms atop them and buried her face down, staunchly ignoring the sound of the door as it creaked open. She continued to keep her head down even as she heard approaching footsteps, the sound of a chair scraping against the floor, and finally a few grunts as the newcomer settled himself on the ground somewhere in front of her.
She did not need to look up to know just who it was.
The two sat in silence for a while, and it was probably the longest the young girl had ever gone without speaking. But she needed a few moments to work out the troubles of her heart and then several more to gather the courage to voice them to her brother.
“Are you going to ask me to leave?” she eventually asked, her voice uncharacteristically small and barely heard from the nest of her arms she had yet to emerge from.
“What?” was the confused reply.
Hyacinth sighed before lifting her head ever so slightly and repeated the question a little louder.
“Are you going to ask me to leave now that you’ll have a family of your own?”
She promptly hid her face in her arms again, ashamed of her childish tears and equally childish question.
“Oh, Hyacinth… Darling girl, will you look at me?”
The girl reluctantly lifted her head again and took one glance at the understanding shining in Anthony’s eyes before wishing to hide herself away again. At his urging, she instead crawled out from under the desk and into his arms. She had grown significantly taller since he had last held her like this, but with a few adjustments, he managed to hold her across his lap just like he did when she was smaller.
“My dear sister, why would you possibly think that I would ask you to leave?”
Hyacinth sniffled a few times, wiping shamefully at her tears before speaking.
“I heard Mama speaking to you and Kate earlier. She was talking about her moving to a dower house and kept mentioning how you would need space for your growing family. Then I heard Benedict say that he might have to make a sketch of you lest he forget what you look like now that you will be spending all your time with the baby… I know he was speaking mostly in jest, but surely, if Mama were to move out, then I would be expected to follow her and if you are going to be as busy with the new baby as Benedict thinks you will be, then you might forget about…”
Hyacinth trailed off, stubbornly avoiding her brother’s gaze. She had little choice but to meet it again when he addressed her sternly.
“Now, you listen here, Hyacinth Bridgerton. You will always, always have a home with me. Always, no matter what. Even when you eventually marry and have a family of your own or far in the future when you are old and grey, still will you have a place here. Of course, I won’t forget you, Hy. How could I?”
Unable to respond, the girl only leaned her head on his shoulder. Anthony’s arm instinctively came up behind her back to hug her closer to him.
“Just because our family is growing does not mean I am going to forget the family I already have. In fact, I am going to need you now more than ever.”
Brows furrowing in confusion, Hyacinth raised her head to look at him sharply.
“You will?”
“Yes, of course, I will. Of all my siblings, Hyacinth, you are the one I taught the most. You were the only one to ever visit me here and all those questions you have asked me over the years mean that you alone know most of my tricks and secrets. The baby will know none of them, so I am counting on you to help me teach them to her… or him.”
Hyacinth needed a few moments to process this information. It never occurred to her that she could be of service to her brother, the smartest, strongest, most capable man she knew.
“So… you will not ask me to move out with Mama because you need my help with the baby?” she clarified.
“It's not just that,” he corrected, reaching a hand up to tuck a strand of her behind her ear. “I would never ask you to leave because of how much I love you and how severely I would miss you were you to go away. Just ask Kate how often I spoke of you when we were on our trip.”
“Really?”
“Yes… She once found me near tears outside a store in France that sold some ribbons I thought you would have liked to see.”
Hyacinth thought of the rather full trunk of ribbons and other trinkets Anthony had brought back for her. She knew the plethora of gifts she received from him obviously meant that he had thought of her while he was away, but she had no idea he had actually cried from missing her. It made her feel a little less silly for having hidden herself under his desk to do the same for him, and in fact, this new revelation made her glow a little on the inside.
“So you see, sister mine, you will be begging me to let you go and start your own life long before I ever ask you to leave. In fact, I have half a mind to simply never allow you to debut in society and keep you here with me forever.”
Smiling brightly now, despite that somewhat distressing suggestion, the girl threw her arms around her brother. She hugged him tightly for a few moments before pulling away and climbing to her feet once more. Standing over the man as he still sat on the floor, she patted his head a few times, like he was a child in need of reassurance.
“Don’t worry, brother mine. I can stay with you for a few more years,” she promised before pointing a finger at him warningly. “But don’t you dare think about delaying my debut in society. I have already had to miss so many exciting balls, and I shan’t be missing any more than I have to, thank you very much.”
With that she turned on her heel and dashed off. It was a few hours later when she returned again, well past her bedtime in fact, so she did not bother to wait for Anthony to look up from his work before launching into an explanation. It would hardly do for him to send her back to bed before she had a chance to share what she had been working on all afternoon.
“I am well aware of the lateness of the hour,” she quickly acknowledged by way of a greeting. “I merely require a moment to speak with my future niece or nephew.”
She watched as Anthony blinked at her in momentary confusion before he shared a look with his wife who had been lounging in a nearby settee with a book, Newton sprawled on the floor near her feet.
“Would you like me to step out?” he eventually asked.
“That won’t be necessary. This should not take long.”
After receiving a nod of approval from both necessary parties, Hyacinth approached the settee, giving Newton a quick scratch on the neck before taking a seat next to Kate. She leaned down slightly toward her sister’s stomach and opened her mouth to address the little bump there when she suddenly felt extremely awkward. Looking up at the woman next to her, she felt a little better at seeing that she had only continued to read her book and a quick glance toward the desk revealed that Anthony’s focus, too, appeared unmoved from what he had been working on prior to her arrival.
Feeling a touch less nervous at the small bit of privacy they were affording her, Hyacinth cleared her throat before speaking.
“Hello,” she began, fidgeting slightly. Never before had she addressed someone so inaccessible to her, but she pressed forward all the same.
“I am not sure what to call you or even if you are going to be a niece or nephew of mine. I rather hope you will be a niece, though I suppose everyone always wants a boy first. But at any rate, Anthony has charged me with a very important task in regards to yourself. You see, I have been told that it is expected for children to be inquisitive. There are so many things that they have not seen or experienced in the world, so it is natural that they should have questions about them. I myself have asked my fair share of questions over the years and more often than not it was Anthony, that is, your papa, who answered them.”
She sent another look toward her brother and was satisfied to see his head still turned toward his letter. (Her glance was only cursory, however, and so she did not recognize that his pen was actually no longer moving.)
“And as you are so young and have not seen any of the world yet and I am much older, it is now my duty to make sure that everything he taught me is taught to you. Now, I understand it might be a bit early, but one thing I have learned from Anthony is that one must always take one’s duties seriously and that family is everything. Therefore, I thought a bit of a headstart on your education would not be amiss and have compiled a list of introductory topics with which we could begin.”
Unfolding the piece of parchment she had brought with her, Hyacinth began to read.
“Firstly, chocolate macarons are the best macarons and anyone else attempting to tell you otherwise is trying to trick you into accepting an inferior flavor. I would advise you not to fall for it, especially if that flavor is banana. Secondly, pall mall is the greatest game in the world and the only proper way to play it is to be as ruthless as possible. Sportsmanship and ladylike behavior (if you end up being a lady, of course) can be dispensed with during this event and in fact, is highly encouraged to be dispensed with. The mallet of death is a special mallet typically reserved for your father, though it appears that your mother has been claiming it as hers of late.”
She then continued to rattle off from her list, sharing such random facts and tidbits with the baby that ranged from the basics of the peerage system to which window at Bridgerton House afforded the best view of the people walking the street below to the importance of not underestimating the pawns in a game of chess. She had just finished describing the patch of ground at Aubrey Hall where the best snowmen could be made in the winter when she came to the final item on her list.
“And lastly for today’s lesson,” she said, folding up the parchment and shifting more comfortably in the chair. Leaning closer in a way that was almost conspiratorial with her pupil, she felt a lot more at ease addressing an unseen audience.
“Our family is very large and things can get quite noisy and chaotic around here. Now don't get me wrong, it is great fun to have a family such as ours. We love each other a great deal and boredom is not an issue you will ever have in our house, I reckon. Still there may be times when you might wish for some peace or just a quiet moment to think.”
“The world can sometimes feel impossible to understand. Adults often say things that do not make a lick of sense or get worked up over things that feel like they should not matter. It is easy to feel lost and confused about it all. I know I certainly did and your papa once told me that he felt the same way too as a child… So when the time comes, dear niece or nephew of mine, when you feel the same,” she spoke, eyes flicking over to the safest refuge she had ever known as he sat at his desk, “I know just the place where you can go.”