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“Everyone, come on, it's here; the package has arrived!” A young sweet voice boomed with glee to alert the other residents of the mansions, who also awaited the arrival of a new sensation that was already sweeping the 4 nations.
“Petra, do behave yourself. I understand you are excited, but as maids we have to act with decorum.” Gently Frederica scolded her junior, for it is a maid's virtue to have etiquette. But alas, even she herself couldn’t help but be curious about the contents within the large parcel.
In a few moments many people came to the main lobby to open up the packages and meet their new…friends.
“What the hell is that!?”
Having been doing his chores outside, Subaru was now walking through the halls to head towards the main room where all his friends were hanging out.
As he walked, he heard bustling noises and wondered what had gotten everyone so riled up. But he would find soon that the reason would be way too bizarre even for someone who had gotten isekaied.
Something had sped up to him in a blur, as if it was launched with the force of a cannon. The blurry object fell right at his feet just as he was about to take another step. Almost stepping on the thing.
Suddenly it called out in a short scream, the volume of a baby saying its first words. "AH!"
He noticed right after that that it was alive, well, alright, and moving, but that relief of the little life being safe was quickly overshadowed in a millisecond once he took a closer look at it.
The creature seemed humanoid; it was tiny and could fit right in the palm of his hands, but it was for sure humanoid. A chibi, basically.
“Wait, those look like my clothes!” This was the first revelation that would blow his mind.
No one could mistake it; anyone who had heard of the great Hero of Priestella, who brought woe upon the damning threats of the world again and again, would recognize the eccentric clothing he wore. Even those who knew him as the Child of War in Vollachia, while he wore another outfit, would realize that the clothing was none other than Subaru Natsuki's.
The black sleeves and pants and the white torso of the jacket are highlighted with a boisterous orange. Those were the colours and designs of the half-elf knight.
“Wait, that's my face!” The next thought followed up in a nanosecond.
Subaru’s looks were the biggest feature people used to differentiate him from others, looks that were unique to the world of Od Luguna. Black mirror-like hair, which was slicked back, unknown to the public as being a homage to his father. Terrifying, intimidating eyes, which, if they decided to judge you, were capable of shaking your very core. Both of these should be enough for anyone to recognize it as the properties of the fabled knight, but what stood ahead of him possessed not only his most recognizable features but everything else down to an exact copy. The only difference was that it was tiny, squishy, cute, adorable, and simplified… But still him nonetheless!
This leads us to his final thoughts. “Is that me???”
“What the hell is that!?” Confusion and surprise were evident in the tone and volume of his voice; how could they not be? It's not every day you see a chibi version of yourself.
Just then, as if to respond to his plea, a little angel with brown hair arrived. She rushed to him with worry and cautioned her concern. “Ah, Subaru, are you alright? You didn't get hurt, did you?”
“Oh, I’m fine, Pet—”
Just then she knelt down and gently scooped up the little Baru and spoke her true mind. “I was worried about you getting hurt there; please be more careful when doing stunts like that.” And Subaru realized she wasn’t here to answer the short circuit his brain had, but rather for the concern of whatever that thing is.
He coughed into his fist. “Ahem, Petra.”
“Oh yes, Subaru-sama, sorry I didn’t see you there.” She spoke in a sweet voice despite the words, which caused his eyes to twitch.
“May I ask you something?”
“Yes, of course!”
“WHAT IS THAT THING!!!” Dramatically he pointed a finger at the creature resting in her hands and shouted what was plaguing his mind.
Startled a bit by his shout, she gathers herself quickly, as she was trained to do in situations such as this when someone is abrasive. “Oh, this is a Pocket Subaru.” As if that seemed to ease the plea of staring into your own miniature face.
Seeing the still confused face of the black-haired knight in front of her, she decided to expand some more on the details. “He’s supeeerrr cute and amazing!” She raised the creature still cupped in her hands close to Subaru’s face.
"Ah!" The little Subaru let out the same small sound as raising his hand to say hi. For some reason Subaru understood that it was basically saying "Yo."
“That doesn't explain anything!” Concern and ruin were plastered on his face. “Is this a dream? It’s better than the usual nightmares, but it’s definitely not pleasing.”
“You exaggerate this, I suppose. It is quite simple, isn’t it, in fact?” A very familiar voice came from down the hall, followed by the faint sound of little footsteps.
It was beyond easy to figure out who was the owner of that voice, the one that carried those weird “I suppose” and “In fact.” Third only to the voice of his parents and angel, it was a sweet sound he would love to hear for the rest of his life. Of course it belonged to his lovely Beako! But what caught his eyes wasn’t the usual image of the young girl that she wore ever since her mother created her. No, there were three very out-of-place decorations she carried.
There were two of those mini hims on each side of her drill hair bouncing with it and playing with it, an honour that should be reserved only for Subaru! Well technically it was Subaru, but it wasn't Subaru. Then there was the third one, who seemed to be peacefully sleeping in her arms as they wrapped around him and stuck it to her chest, similar to how he would sometimes hold her.
“Beako, please explain, because to me none of this is simple.” He urged her to continue with her knowledge of this bizarre topic.
She proudly puffed her chest and declared with boldness something that would be assuring and cute but looked silly, as there were two scary-eyed mini knights hanging off the ends of her hair. “This is the new craze in all four nations, I suppose. The Pocket Subaru, your new lovable eccentric companion, your new best friend, in fact.” The way she introduced it, you would assume she was being sponsored.
This didn’t seem to satisfy the boy, however; in truth, he felt more curious than ever, and so he questioned once more on the most important thing. “What do you mean your ‘new best friend’? What about me?!”
“Hmph, Subaru is Betty’s number one; no one even comes close, in fact! That’s why these here are also my best friends, as they are the other forms of my amazing fool of a contractor, I suppose.” Sensing her contractor's worry, she assured him of her reasoning. She would also like to admit that his jealousy of the mini contractors was quite addictive, as she knew this would lead to him being extra possessive later on, a guilty pleasure of hers, as she loved that extra attention from him.
“Honestly, how is this even possible? Just what are these things made of?” It could never be simple to comprehend a mini you. It would be one thing if it was a doll, but these were sentient little creatures. How does that even work? But then again, he was in a magical world with all sorts of creatures and abilities, so it wasn’t completely out of the blue, but that still didn’t quell the weirdness of it all.
He approached his dear spirit and poked the tiny him. He scrunched up his face in a cute way, which even made Subaru's heart flutter a bit. The skin felt squishy, a mix of artificial and real, like an adorable baby. He could see why Petra and Beatrice seemed to like them, though it felt a bit dehumanizing to see a version of you being treated as a pet.
Calming down a tad bit, he remembered the busy noises of his entire camp that he was coming to check on. “Wait, don't tell me there's even more of these things, right?” Slight hope was in his soul that there were only 4 Subarus, but deep down he could feel the truth.
“No, there are more with the rest of the camp, in fact.” His false hope was left with no consideration as Beatrice lifted her chin and turned around, causing the little gremlins on her drills to swing around in glee.
Heading inside, Subaru was holding Beatrice in his arms by putting them under her shoulder and lifting her to his torso. The exact thing she was doing to the little Subaru in her arms. A strange sight for a strange day as the boy held her while she held a chibi version of the boy with other chibis on her sides nestling in her golden curls. Her plan had indeed succeeded; he was now more clingy.
“Betty is a genius, in fact.” She silently gloated to herself, being surrounded by many lovely Subarus.
The strangeness wasn’t exclusive to them, however; looking into the main room, the entire area was filled with many different Pocket Subarus all interacting with the other members of the camps.
Frederica sat at the table with a Pocket Subaru, who was munching on some cookies while she was sipping tea. The blonde maid had a smile plastered on her face as she watched her Baru try to stuff the entire thing in his mouth, which made him look like a hamster stuffing itself with treats to hoard for later on. She then started laughing as he fell back when trying to hold another cookie, clearly too big for him. But what was different was that she didn’t cover her smile with her hands like she always did to hide her ravenous teeth.
Subaru made the mistake of being the dumbass he is and pointed it out on their first meeting, but it seems like she's pretty comfortable right now to let go of her maid manner. This made both Subaru smile in turn as they got a chance to see the maids' beautiful laughter in all its glory.
A loud, whiny voice let out a plea beside her in annoyance. “Damn you mini Natsuki’s, give me back my hat… PLEASE!!!”
Obviously it belonged to the grey-haired merchant, who was trying to catch two tiny Subarus who had made a run with his hat whilst another was on his head pulling his hair back as if riding a horse. The sight made Subaru burst out laughing; how could he not? His best friend was being reduced to a dad dealing with highly caffeinated toddlers.
The two with the green hat ran in between his legs, and Otto, like the clever man he is, not missing the opportunity, caught one of them.
“AHA, now give it back and I’ll release your little friend; otherwise, he gets it!” The way it was going, Subaru was fairly certain Otto could’ve done quite well in auditioning for the sly main villain in a movie.
“Ack.”
“OW! Why you little.” Otto let go of the little runt and held his hand, which had a little red bite mark from the crushing force of the chibi Baru’s chomp, while the other one laughed at him, pointing his finger and rolling on the floor.
As Otto ran after them again, Subaru's eye followed his path, and that led him to silver and sapphire.
His darling angel, his loving liege, whom he loved with his pure heart and soul, was there seated with a smile. A sight that could only make him fall further in love, even despite him hitting the threshold of it, that smile seemed to push him even further. However, there was an issue. Hell, two issues. Something was clearly plaguing her, and it was none other than those little creatures who were waging war in the mansion.
In his sacred spot, his place of solace where anguish seemed to be lost, was one of those Pocket beings sleeping on it. “HE IS SLEEPING ON MY EMILIA-TAN’S LAP! ALL WHILE SHE TRACES HIS MINIATURE SCALP WITH HER PINKY! NOOOOOO IT SHOULD’VE BEEN ME!” Feelings beyond envy seemed to bubble in the knight's existence as he saw someone else on Emilia's lap.
To top it off there was another one resting right on top of her head, using her silky smooth silver hair as a comfy cushion. And the worst part was that he could never fully experience the eternity and joy that thing felt because he could never grow so tiny. “Wait, maybe I should ask Beako if there's a spell that shrinks you.”
“Subaru…you are squeezing Betty too tightly…I suppose.” Huffed his dear spirit, who was held dear to his chest way too tightly. “Betty understands if you wish to use an outlet for your bitterness, I suppose, but please don’t use Betty; this is spirit abuse, in fact!” Honestly, if Satella didn’t already possess the Envy factor, her contractor would’ve claimed it in an instant.
“Ah!” Snapping out of his annoyed state, he released the little girl in his arms and patted her head gently to make up for his mistake. “Sorry, Beako.” He winced.
“Hmph! You better make it up with headpats, I suppose.” While he patted her head, she did the same to the Pocket Subaru in her arms.
Subaru turned his attention to the other girl there with Emilia. His Rem. He loved her just as much as he did Emilia. Sure, it may be shameless to say this about two different women, but could you blame Subaru? He had hit the jackpot with these beautiful ladies who loved him. A silver angel and blue demon, one for each hand. So before he had even seen the sight, Subaru was prepared to be pissed off again, yet that didn’t quite happen. While he felt jealousy at the closeness those little versions of him had with his liege, the scene that was painted with the maid brought out other sorts of feelings.
Confusion and pity.
Because in front of him was Rem hugging 10 Subarus tightly to her chest, all while they were sort of scrambling to get a breath of air. Alongside that, she was surrounded by 20 or so other chibis just surrounding her while she seemed to display a glow of heavenly bliss.
She brought the ones in her arms close to her face, took a big whiff, and nuzzled them. “It seems like Rem’s dream of being surrounded by multiple Subaru-kuns has been accomplished. Rem couldn’t be happier!”
“Shouldn’t you have bigger aspirations!” Even while being aware of Rem’s nature, Subaru couldn’t help but comment while feeling a bit bad for the little ones who were getting choked.
“Umu, of course, Subaru-kun, your Rem has many great and worthy ambitions; this is just one. For example, I would like to be surrounded by multiple versions of my sister as well!”
“That sounds like a nightmare.” Images of being berated by little cute pink figures of his older sister seemed to already drive Subaru insane. “Speaking of which, where is Nee-sama?”
“And what does a dog like you need from me, Barusu?” Yup, the tone, the words, and the voice were his dear sister's alright. Sitting on the other side watching the fray with her bored, stoic expression was the other oni twin. “Honestly, I think I've seen your hideous face well enough for 7 lifetimes, Barusu; kindly remove yourself, as I can’t bear to see it any longer.”
“Wait, why should I remove myself from the original here!” He pointed to himself. Though in just about a second Subaru would find the answer to his question. Right there appeared another chibi, wobbling around with a tray that held one cup, likely filled with tea. What set this one apart from the rest, however, was that it was wearing a butler suit, the exact one he wore when he first got a job in the mansion.
She smirked lightly as she grabbed the cup. “Because Ram has deemed this version of you slightly less worthless than you and through her great judgement has appointed him as my personal servant.” Taking a small sip, she relaxed and looked down at the one who brought her the beverage. “Adequate, well done.”
“Ah.” The neurons in Subaru’s brain alerted him that the little butler said “Yippee.”
Subaru pouted lightly. “And here I thought you’d be the last person to fall for this crap, but you're out here using them as slaves.”
“He is not a slave, Barasu.”
“Is he getting paid?” He questioned
“Ram’s divine presence is more than enough payment for these fools.” She retorted while putting her arms up to her as if to illustrate that this should be an obvious statement.
The troubled knight could only sigh at the oni-god's behaviour. “But wait, why is that one different from the others? Why does it have different clothes, more specifically my old servant clothes?”
“Don’t think you still aren’t Roswaal-sama’s servant, Barasu.” Of course she couldn’t just tell him; Ram has already indulged him enough and shall enjoy her tea in peace.
To ease him like she always did, came in his helpful angel, saving him once again. "That's because Ram has got a—um, what was it? Ah yes, a rare version, one of a kind.”
“Yes, that’s right, Subaru-kun; Sister is so amazing she managed to get the only one in the world! Though in my eyes all Subaru-kuns are one in the world.”
“A rare one…one in the world” The black-haired boy muttered as he looked around the room at the other little hims. Gears began turning in his head, and he finally realized these weren’t like pets or companions…they were more like moving sentient figurines, soft chibi Nendoroids.
“OH MY GOD, I’VE BEEN TURNED INTO COLLECTIBLES!!!” Beatrice ended up dropping her Pocket Subaru to cover her ears.
Being from an era that was starkly similar to the Middle Ages, everyone in the room looked at the boy in confusion while his chibi variants seemed to nod to his understanding. “Goddammit, this is so dehumanizing; I'm basically a toy for others.”
“Don’t you mean Oddamit, Natsuki-san?” Is this another one of his Subaruisms?
Ignoring Otto, Subaru then turned to the little auburn-haired maid who was holding her little Baru. “Hey Petra, did these things cost money?”
The little maid put a finger to her chin as she began thinking. “Ah yes, they did; individually they weren’t as costly, but since we bought a lot in bulk, they were quite expensive. “Oh, but Roswaal-sama stated that he had gotten it at a discount due to his connections.”
Subaru just stared at the ceiling as he processed this information and put a hand to cover his eyes. “Ughhh, so they’re stealing my face and making bank off of me, and they didn’t even tell me. I need to go sue those assholes for copyright infringement!”
“But Subaru It’s not just your face; these little yous behave just like you as well.” Silver bells rang to tell him a fact. “Look how much they like mayo.” She pointed at two Pocket Subarus swimming in a big bowl of mayo.
“Ughhh, does anyone know where they sell these things?” He needed to find the devils making these things.
“I have heard that it is being sold everywhere in the world, but the closest distributor would be in the capital, Subaru-sama.” Frederica informed him calmly while petting her Subaru.
“Fine then, it's settled. I'm heading to the capital. I'll see you guys when I come back.”
Due to the statement of his sudden departure, Emilia voiced her concern in a soft and pleading way. “But Subaru, we were just about to watch the little Subaru’s put on a dance performance for us.”
“Yes, Subaru-kun, it would be wonderful if you could stay.”
At the sight of his two lovers begging him to stay, it took every bit of willpower in Subaru to not crumple and fall into their arms to watch the show. “I'm sorry, Emilia-tan and Rem-rin, I really am, but I need to do this before they can make more of my name without giving me the proper compensation.”
“Natsuki-san is right, Emilia-sama and Rem-san; if we put this off for later, we don’t know how much we could lose, or worse, if they decide to turn this against Natsuki-san and slander his name.” The green merchant offered in support of Subaru’s choice.
“I see.”
“That would be bad.”
Subaru couldn’t let them have a dejected look on their face like that. “Cheer up, guys, I’ll be back soon, and after that we can have all the fun with the Pocket Subarus, okay.” He flashed them a charming and reassuring smile. It was weird to have a bunch of mini yous, but if it made his family happy, then he would have no problem with it.
This seemed to do the trick, as Rem’s mood shot up; if she were a dog, then her tail would be wagging non-stop. “Of course I trust Rem’s hero to be there with us when we have more fun.”
“You better be back in a jiffy then, mister.” Emilia warned him with a smile as she wagged her finger at him.
“Who even says ‘jiffy’ in this day and age, Emilia-tan?” Chuckling at her pouting face, he stopped and held up his pinky finger. “I will, I promise.” She connected her own pinky to his with a small blush.
“Let’s go, I suppose.” His loyal spirit spoke as she held his hand again.
“Oh, Beako, you're coming too?”
“What’s that supposed to mean, in fact! Of course Betty and her mini contractors will also come along, I suppose. Betty will be with her contractor no matter what.” She reprimanded him with a puffed-up face, something that just made him want to pinch her cheeks for days.
Beatrice lived 400 years in solitude, waiting for the day someone would come and take her away from the library her mother had seemingly damned her to. Subaru would arrive emboldened by flames to come and be that person who would light up her world, despite him not being “That Person.” To her, he was her Subaru, and she would follow him wherever because it is he who makes her days worthwhile, who makes those 400 years fade with new loving memories.
Her contractor looked around the room and saw everyone gathering in the middle and having fun. Then he looked back at his beloved spirit holding his hand. Then he crossed his arms in a giant X. “Nope, you’re going to stay here; I’ll have Patrasche with me, so it will be fine.”
“So is that ground dragon now better than Betty, I suppose.” She crossed her arms and wilted away.
“Nah, you and Patrasche are matched in my heart; it’s just that I want you to stay here and have fun with everyone else. The task at the capital will be boring.” She opened her mouth, but he proceeded and continued. “And I know you’d have fun just being with me, but the rest of the camp are also your family now, so go on and enjoy the time with the others as well.” Like a father explaining to his daughter, he knelt down and patted her head.
She stayed silent before replying to his words with her own small smile. “Fine then, if that is what Betty’s contractor wishes, then I have no choice, I suppose.”
He smirked and gave her a small peck on the forehead, causing her to blush and flail her arms.
“Alright then, I'm heading off then. Mini-mes, keep Beako, Emilia, Rem, and the rest of the camp safe while I’m gone, ok? Oh, and if anything happens, sacrifice Otto if you need to.” He ordered the little creatures.
“Wait, what do you mean I am to be sacrificed?!?!”
All the other Subarus looked at the taller Subaru with determination and saluted as if to signify they will do their jobs diligently even if it kills them. Well, being Subaru, they probably meant that last part.
And so he waved to the others and went to the grassy stables where his trusty steed resided, waiting for her owner to come to her. As he walked, he saw the other members of the camp also having their fair share of fun with Pocket Subarus, because of course they would; no one is spared from this viral storm.
At the training parkour course he and Garfiel built, he could see him commanding a bunch of Subarus, enough to form a military troop. And lo and behold, they started to do army drills with Garf and competed in parkour.
“Com’n mini Cap’n’s ya can’t give up ‘ere!” As Garf roared with motivation, the Subarus were attempting the course. Some were climbing the web walls, others were falling down ropes, and some were running; all of them were sweaty, but none of them showed any signs of giving up. Even the ones who fell adorably got back up right into it. They really were Subarus.
Going a bit further, he could see someone whose absence he had been wondering about. His adopted daughter, who was outside playing with her Mabeasts and Pocket Subarus. Well, "playing" was a gentle way to put it; a more accurate word would be "hunting." Subaru saw Meili and her little dangerous dog run around with a poor pitiable Subaru in the jaws of the dog waving his arms around like a maniac, panicking and trying to escape.
He could hear the little screams of the Baru caught in a terrible fate. “I need to talk to Emilia-tan about teaching Meili how to take it easy with things.”
His mind then wandered off to the last member of the camp, a certain clown. “Wait, did Roswaal take some too… What could he possibly be doing with them?” Suddenly Subaru got chills down his spine and figured it was a better idea to live in ignorance than to think about anything that involves that guy and little versions of him.
Inside the dark and eerie office of the margrave, there he was, standing still, looking down at the retribution he was about to receive. Assembled on the floor were 40 Pocket Subarus, each with a pissed-off face, their terrifying eyes wanting to burn a hole through the sinner in front of them.
“Ohhhh dear~, there seeeeeems to be no escape from this, is thereeeee.” The court magician of the dragon country was then hounded by the multiple Subarus, all flooding him with punches, kicks, and bites. He was knocked to the floor and lay down as they paraded over him, still hurting him, or trying to. To Roswaal their ‘attacks’ could only tickle him, and even then it did not make him laugh; you become resistant to these things after 400 years of body-hopping. However, a smile did grace his lips. He had long figured a genuine face he would only show when his teacher was to be brought back and his goal completed, but it seems like Natsuki Subaru truly surprised him once again.
Subaru had arrived at his beloved ground dragon, who seemed to celebrate seeing him by running up to him and nuzzling him with love. “Seems like you haven't been infected by this whole disease, huh? Have you?” He returned her gesture by scratching her under the chin.
“Kuuu”
“Now come on, we're off to the capital!” Hoping for her, they both raced to the capital to deal with the matter as quickly as possible.
The whole thing Beatrice and Petra said about Pocket Subaru taking over the world was not in the least bit inaccurate; as a matter of fact, it seemed to not do it enough justice. Heading through Arlam, he had seen all the villagers have their own Subaru, which seemed to be helping them in one way or another. And now in the capital, it was like everyone and their moms owned one! He could see 9 out of 10 people with their own Subarus; it was insanity. Kids playing with their new friends, adults interacting with their new partners—he had even seen Kadoman selling appas with 2 pocket Subarus helping market while 5 others cook up appa pies in the back.
He had to find the shop that sold these in the area. Luckily for him the task was easy to recognize day and night. Why, you ask? Because there was a gigantic bustling crowd gathered around a shop. Men, women, children, humans, demi-humans, everyone. Of course this meant that Subaru had to get through that rough mob to do what he came to do.
“Wait a minute, I AM Natsuki Subaru. If they’re this crazy about me, they should have no problem letting me get in, right?” The line between naivety and hopefulness is almost invisible, and the world is about to crush Subaru once more.
As he got closer to the shops, he could hear the people and their madness.
“Hey, let me through; I've been waiting for 6 to 7 hours for this shit!” - “That long! Wow, even the line for the PS5 wasn’t that big.”
“Please, I need this. My mom is kind of homeless. I live with my dad. I want to help her out by getting her a Subaru!” - "How is that supposed to help her!?”
“Hey, has anybody got a jar? I need it for…things.” - “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PLANNING WITH THE JAR AND MINI ME!!!”
With the way the people were fawning and acting over the Pocket Subarus, you’d think it was the second coming of Jesus or something. “Did Satella break out or what? It’s like they’re affected by her miasma.” Quietly he grumbled so the crowd wouldn’t hear the witch’s name, but even then Subaru doubts they would care for that; they’re too obsessed right now to do so.
“Hey hey, Subaru Natsuki coming through, everyone, the Knight of Emilia-tan. Yup, that’s me.” To his embarrassment, no one even batted an eye at what he said; everyone ignored it. Did they not recognize his iconic pose? And so he coughed again. “Ahem, The Hero of Priestella and Vollachia here, I need to get to the shop.” He was met with nothing again.
Pulling up the sleeves to his tracksuit, he huffed. “Alright, that’s it. If these pricks won’t let me, I’ll just have to force my way through!” And so he ran headfirst into the crowd like a ram, plunging himself into the fray. “I’m a former otaku, you bastards; I know how to get through a sweaty, smelly crowd to get figurines!”
But alas, Earth couldn’t be compared to this world, where the people seemed to eat steroids for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And thus a hand grabbed the back of his hoodie and tossed him back out of the crowd, leading him to lie on the floor in defeat.
“Subaru, I knew it was you.” A pretentious voice called out to him, one that he could recognize no matter how hard he tried to forget. A punchable face he could never forget. Supple hips he could never forget. And a stick-in-the-mud attitude he could never forget.
A knight in shining armour appeared to help him out in his time of need, but Subaru, having the awful luck he has, found the knight happened to be Julius Juukulius. His perfect purple hair swayed at his sides as he lent a hand, which firmly gripped Subaru, pulling him to his feet.
“Tch, what is it, you bastard? Couldn’t you have helped me sooner, or did you just want to see me fall on my ass?” He sneered at the finest knight and crossed his arms.
The knight was already familiar with the boy's attitude towards him and knew of the ‘tsundere’ attitude he displayed, so he decided to play back at him. “I already have a pretty good memory of you lying down in defeat, Subaru; I have no need for another.” He clapped back.
Subaru growled. “Yeah, well, I have a good memory of you getting your ass beat too!”
Julius would’ve winced at the memory of Reid Astrea, one of the lowest moments in his life. However, it had been Subaru who was always there for him, so as long as he was with his dear friend, he wouldn't mind being reminded of his failure, as it was also a testament to their glorious friendship.
“Anyhow, I had been assigned here by my lady to guard this area and look out in case you decided to show up. I must say you were already quite famous, but this level of obsession manages to put even the Sword Saints’ reputation in the mud.”
“Hmph, I don’t care about publicity, plus it seems like these guys don’t even care about the REAL ME. But of course, Anastasia, huh… so it is she who came up with this whole mess. Why that greedy little—” If there was a successful scheme or product, you'd bet that the merchant queen put her grubby little fingers on it.
“The Hoshin company is in a partnership with the creator of the Pocket Subaru; they are the distributors, not the ones who came up with it. That is the message she wanted me to pass to you in case you came in stomping for reprimands." Julius cut off Subaru and explained the truth behind the item.
Subaru stopped. “If she wasn’t the one, then who…” His deep thinking was then cut short as he noticed a shuffle on Julius' shoulder. “OH NO.”
Subaru’s worst nightmare had come true, that one where he was in the palm of Julius’s hand, and here it was. On his shoulder was him, without a doubt, another pocket Subaru, but it wasn’t that simple; this one wore the signature white and black knight's uniform with the red cape on his back. “So not only does he have one as well, he has a rare one; you’ve got to be kidding me!” Julius and Ram, why are those 2 who have the special editions?”
Julius noticed Subaru's gaze on his shoulder; more specifically, his new bud realized he should introduce them. “Ah yes, Subaru, this is my own Subaru—”
“Don’t say ‘my’ Subaru; that sounds weird!” The black-haired boy interrupted.
Julius ignored him. “It seems as though my luck was bright, and I had managed to land in one of those rare ones. I must say you look quite good in a knight's outfit. I unfortunately was unable to attend your pledge to Lady Emilia, so it was nice to see this side of you. I suggest you should wear it more often.”
“Psh, are you trying to flirt with me or what, asshole!?” Subaru barked ferociously; faintly his cheeks went rose as he thought about the compliment. He doesn’t like to wear the knight's outfit, as it reminds him of the prick in front of him and, more specifically, the knights who wanted him dead that horrible day. “...Thanks for the compliment, I guess.” He decided to play nice for once.
Looking back and forth between the bigger version of him in a tracksuit and his Julius, whose shoulder he was on, the Pocket Subaru got down Julius’s arm and stood on his palm as he held it out for his little new friend.
He raised his arms in a protective T-pose as if separating them and roared “AH!” as if to warn Subaru to stay away.
Subaru, also being a Subaru, understood him well. “He’s mine!”The statement popped a vein on the boy's forehead. “YOU CAN HAVE HIM; I DON'T WANT HIS ASS!”
Julius professionally soothed his little Subaru by massaging his scalp with a finger, something which disgusted the bigger Subaru, so he walked away to clear his mind.
“Does EVERYONE have one?”
“AHAHAHAH, lil bro is so fun to play with, huh? Ain’t he, Gramps?” Roared revelry, a golden-haired thief who adorned red jewel-like eyes. She prepared her arm back like a catapult and chucked a small thing in the air towards a giant, who gently caught it.
“Yeah, yeah, just be careful with them, Felt; they’re still living creatures.” Scolding his granddaughter, he didn’t notice the irony as he also participated in the game and threw back the black ball.
The ball that was flying wasn’t a ball, however; it was obviously a pocket Subaru who was terrified with tears in his eyes, flailing his arms around in the sky as he came crashing down on the gloves of the mouthy anarchist. “Huh, what is it, lil’ bro?”
“AH, Ah Ah AH, AH AH.” It complained. Oh, if only someone could understand it.
“Felt-sama, Subaru seems to be saying, ‘You guys are animals; at least be less rough.’” Oh, but there was someone who could understand them, other than the actual Subaru. Reinhard with his new Divine Protection of Pocket Subaru Speech. He himself, much like Rem, was surrounded by Pocket Subaru’s and held some in his arms; the only difference was he was gentler than the oni.
“Oh come on, lil bro, we’re just having fun.” She said, showing off her fangs to the scared Subaru as she poked his belly non-stop. “Plus it’s not my fault we all can’t request the Divine Protection of Gathering Pocket Subarus!” She said the last part while glaring at her red-haired knight, whose cheeks matched his hair.
“I have no idea what you mean, my lady.” He lied straight out of his teeth. The truth was as soon as he saw a mini Subaru, he searched and requested all Divine Protections regarding them.
“Mmm, ba da da pa da, badummm, another one, thank you.” Humming softly to herself and her company while counting all the coins she profited from after a new idea was always one of her highs. Anastasia Hoshin had truly struck gold through this collaboration deal with this new mysterious company. The product, in truth, was bizarre and confusing. How does it even function? A sentient being, a tiny creature modelled after a real human being—it was like something beyond the great waterfall. But of course her greed for those yummy coins was overriding the curiosity that could wait; currently the task of bathing in her money comes first.
She grabbed another one provided by a new little friend, a Pocket Subaru, of course. What kind of merchant doesn’t test the things she’ll be selling? On her desk providing her the coins she's counting was another mini, Subaru, a rare one at that too! Leaning on a sleeping Eridna, who was blanketing him with one of her paws, she had taken a liking to the little thing. How truly lucky she was, as if the great Hoshin was smiling down on her. First the deal and now a rare commodity. At first she thought of selling the thing for a hefty price, considering how even for a rare one it bested the strangeness, but she found herself strangely drawn towards it.
In front of her was a Subaru; no doubt it was him. She could recognize those scary amber eyes anywhere, but his hair was white and longer… He wore a beautiful black kimono with orange stars littered all over it, something unlike Natsuki-kun’s usual tracksuit. He was familiar with Kararagian culture, so perhaps he wore it before, but that wasn’t all. She knows that the half-elf knight has faced hardship, but this one was covered in scars all over his body, the poor thing. She herself was familiar, growing up with a rough childhood; she understood when someone went through torture of sorts. But this one still wore a smile despite it all… The little thing went through some very troubling times, but he still looked at her like she was the star of his whole life.
“Ah!” Gleaming with a bright smile that knocked Anastasia's wind out, making her fall face-first on her coins, she thanked the world.
“Thank you, Nats—no, Subaru, thank you.”
The House Karsten was a mess; the inside of the giant mansion was filled with Natsuki Subarus, the little ones, of course. The duchess had gone insane, whispers and rumours had grown, and the staff were terrified of the obsession and rage that had possessed her and frightened everyone who stepped into the place.
“NYAN, Lady Crusch, this has to stop, please!” Begging the woman he swore to follow was none other than the greatest healer in the kingdom, Felix Argyle, yet the state of him looked as though he needed proper treatment.
He had deep eyebags, and his hair was rancid all over the place. Why do you ask? Simple because he had become a babysitter, a caretaker, for all the chibi Subaru’s running amok in his abode. There was one on the end of his tail swinging back and forth while another sat a little bit up the stem, also enjoying the sway. The feminine beauty of Felix had taken the form of a tired mother as more Subaru’s climbed his body and started petting his hair and ears. The worst part was that it felt good. Natsuki Subaru was a fur connoisseur after all.
But the one who had changed the most wasn’t Blue, but rather the green-haired duchess, who burned with jealousy as she opened another box of pocket Subaru. “Tsk, nothing again.” She eerily stated in a broken voice as she tossed the Subaru overhead, making it land on Felix’s head.
“Ah.”
“Nyan, I don’t like this either.” How could he? His lady had gone insane; she had been inflicted with a disease…one that he couldn’t cure.
She was obsessed with finally acquiring a rare Subaru. She had first opened one but found nothing, then she opened another, and another, and another, still nothing. Then she got a haughty word from Priscilla that she had gotten not one but two rare ones! She couldn’t take any more insult, so she bought every Pocket Subaru she could get her hands on, yet to her disappointment her luck remained the same. It was as if this entire universe was taunting her.
She had soon after that broken down into tears, but after that madness flew in, and now she remains a former shell of herself. He remembered how she stormed the shops as soon as they restocked them, not giving others a chance; safe to say, she has made many new enemies.
She huffed like a demon as she scoured the place for more boxes. “FUCK…Ferris! Get me more NOW!” Wind blew as she pointed her blade at her own knight.
“Ah, old man Will, where are Nyan? I need saving!” Internally he prayed that the aged butler would heed his call, but it was for naught because he was somewhere else.
More specifically, he was outside gardening, teaching a little Subaru how to cut to the best of his abilities. The chibi was doing his best with the scissors, which were the size of his whole body. And if someone such as Grim, Carol, or Heinkel had seen Wilhelm, they would say that the fabled Sword Demon has the same look he had when he was with his beloved Theresia.
“I wonder if this is what it feels like to bond with your grandson?” He was proud to be the grandfather of such an adorable and charming boy such as Subaru… Meanwhile in the Astrea State, Reinhard felt as if his heart was just stabbed. Thankfully the Pocket Subaru’s, sensing his struggle, all cuddled him, easing the wound.
“Fu fu fu fu, the world truly moves in my favour, doesn’t it?” "Proclaimed the princess of the sun," her arrogance heightened as she was having her feet massaged.
The honour of such a luxurious job was given to multiple Subarus who were scurrying to please their lady, or else they'll be kicked into the sun. And so the guys decided to split the work; some rubbed her feet, others polished them, and others went around getting drinks for her majesty. All while she arrogantly demanded more of them.
Priscilla slowly closed her eyes. “What do you say? Are they doing a proper job, or do they need a reminder on how to service their goddess?” The other Subaru froze; all their eyes went to the head, the one who called the shots.
Resting on her ample bosom was a Pocket Subaru, just like them, but this one held a different air of authority. The iconic tracksuit was discarded for noble clothing, a suit and tie with a gold chain tucked into one of its teeny tiny pockets. And more importantly, the hair they all had was not present on him; no, his hair was down, and the look he gave was one of judgment. His hand went up… Silence and fear roamed the area; a mischievous smile crossed Priscilla’s face. It soon turned into a thumbs up, and a giant wave of relief crossed every other Subaru in the vicinity.
“Hmmm, if that is what you deem fit, then so be it. Continue with your tasks, then, commoners.” Pleased with her Subaru, she rubbed his head and cooed. Melodic sounds went into the chibi's ear, and he laid down on her chest once again as Priscilla held her fan to cover her smile.
“Jeez, this is getting more absurd day by day, huh.” Scratching the back of his neck with his only arm, Al looked around the scene. He for sure could understand the pressure that was felt by all; after all, the princess has a way of making you crumble. All who can’t withstand her glory will burn to ashes.
While he was contemplating if he should use Ol Shamak on the Subarus to get rid of them, one poked his leg. One that he found strangely similar. It was his bro, but older and buffer, with a metal arm, a sword, and a yellow cape. To be honest, he was cooler than the actual Subaru, but there was one problem. He had stolen Al’s whole flow, word for word, bar for bar! And he’d done it better!
Al knelt down. “What is it, bro?”
“AH.” The avenger handed the knight a drawing, one of a blue-haired girl who had one of her eyes covered.
“Oh her… You want to see her?” The larger man sighed while the little one nodded in excitement. “Don’t know why you’d want that; personally, I don’t think she should exis—OW!”
He was then severely assaulted with a miniature sword and hideous bites by a raging Subaru who would never let his love be insulted ever.
Back in the capital, Natsuki Subaru had realized the crowd was never going to end, so he was faced with one option: begging someone to give him a box. Why a box? Wasn’t he here to demand his share of the pay? Well, once he had found out that the creator of it all was not Anastasia but rather someone else, he realized that they were the ones he needed to talk to. Therefore, he should get their information through the box. The box seemed to be similar to those from his own world; whoever this was had to have left some clues for Subaru. After all, why else would they choose him? I mean, sure, he did bring down multiple archbishops, take down 2 Great Mabeasts, save a whole nation, and conquer the unconquerable tower, but it wasn’t like he was something special. So why him?
He then spotted a young boy walking with a joyous smirk on his face holding a singular box, so he decided to test his luck; after all, kids have kind hearts, right? And he was the ‘lolimancer’; even if it was a boy, it should be perhaps 50% effective.
Subaru went up and gave the most polite face he could muster and raised his hand. “Hey there, kid, do y—”
“Ew, get away, creep.” No hesitation in the young boy's voice was evident as he shut him down.
“I’m not a creep, you brat! I’m Natsuki Subaru, the guy whose figurine you’re holding!” He explained to him, dropping his polite and calm demeanour after a second of being accused.
“Oh yeah, well, I’m Reinhard.”
“Ugh, I don’t have time for this. Listen, can I just have the box, not the Subaru inside? That’s all yours, just the empty box after you’ve opened it.” Subaru requested the boy, cutting straight to the chase.
The kid, on the other hand, looked confused. “The box—what’s even the point of that? Who would care for something so worthless?”
Subaru pouted and pointed at the boy with narrowed eyes. “I shall have you know there are tons of people who keep the boxes as accessories back where I'm from.” This kid had no idea about Funko Pops, Nendoroids, or any other collectables, and it showed.
“So you are saying I should keep it?”
“Uh, no, well, I, um,” Subaru sighed in defeat. “Listen, can I just please have a box?”
“Fine.” The kid finally relented and opened his box so he could give it to him. As he did, however, a new Subaru popped out. Wait, is that really Subaru!? Both the kid and Subaru stared perplexed at the thing in front of them.
It wasn’t the usual Pocket Subaru nor anything like the rare ones. This one had twintails and wore an all-black outfit with see-through parts near the stomach, arms, and legs. Orange glow was present in the ornaments it paraded itself in. Oh, and did I forget to mention it was a girl?
“...”
“...”
“...”
“Hey, big bro, did I just get scammed?”
“I… don't know. Is that even me?”
“Ah!!!” ‘Subaru,’ she exclaimed with great rage. It translated to “I am a real Subaru!!!”
“Well, it IS rare, so I guess I shouldn't be complaining.” The kid walked away whistling while the twin-tailed Subaru flipped off the actual Subaru for doubting her.
The knight quickly shook his head and began to examine the box. It looked exactly like a Funko Pop box except you couldn’t see the inside content, and instead there was a picture of your average Pocket Subaru, posing with his finger to the sky and hips swayed to the side. He flipped it around and analyzed the back, trying to find who made it.
“Let’s see, supplier, Hoshin Company, and… Oh creator!” Now he was one step closer to his goal. “The Seven Sisters corporations? What? Who?”
Sitting on a white chair, at a white table with two cups of tea, was the mastermind of this whole operation. Echidna the Witch of Greed rested in her dream world as reality was bombarded with the storm of her creations yet again. With maidenly etiquette, she picked up her cup and gave a cheer to the other cup by tapping them together gently.
In the other cup, however, was not filled with her body fluids but instead with a tired little Subaru; his eyes had deep eye bags, and he held an empty expression. He had on a white buttoned-up shirt with a stark black vest, as if to paint a more professional look for himself. His feet dangled off the edge of the teacup as his head rested back, dreaming and dreaming.
Echidna’s face was plastered with her usual dangerous smile, and she poked him in the cheek with a finger. Subaru did not react for a while before turning his attention to her finger and biting it hard.
“Oh my, you wounded my body, but I must say if it is you, I don’t mind~” As she teased and accepted him, she took a look around to see how her sisters were faring.
A little green-haired girl was pummelling a broken Subaru to the ground consistently. “Bad, bad baru, bad, bad!” Crater after crater was forming through her force.
She kept the barrage going at a chibi wearing the robes of the wretched witch cult, which used her sister's name for very bad stuff. If you could manage to see his eyes, they would be swirls.
A blonde girl sat on the grass floor with tears in her eyes as she attempted to shove food down her malnourished and thin Subaru’s throat, who refused to eat no matter what.
“WAHHHH, why won’t you eat, you idiot! You’re not taking care of yourself! You make me so angry.” Subaru continued to ignore her as he played with his orange scarf.
An older woman with a well-assisted body slept on the floor, while on her cheek lay another Subaru. His style was that of longer hair, tied to the back, and he wore a cool blue kimono. He held with him a tiny picture of his lovely family, a gorgeous wife, a rowdy son, and a doll-like baby girl.
“Ah Ah Ah.” He raved about them all day.
Her invisible hand, which he could always see, gave him soft headpats. “Mhm, very Yawn nice.”
Meanwhile, across the field a panicked white haired murderer was running around in a grey coat. His only working eye is trying to find a way to escape the monster chasing him.
“Tsu~ what are you running from? You smell sooooo good. Come here, Subarun~” A terrifyingly grotesque coffin with legs rampaged through the place, chasing him down, trying to devour the poor thing.
“AHHHH AHHH AH AHH!” If one could understand him, they would find the words to be “SHAULA HELPPP, HELP ME, SHAULAAAAA HELP!” Though asking a daughter to take on her mother would be pretty rude now, wouldn’t it?
Carmilla, on the other hand, was having a confusing and tough time as she waved her hands at her motion to the man ahead of her to not come closer. “Please trust me; it’s not worth it.”
Approaching her with suave was a king decked in a purple royal suit with a rose in his mouth. He wiggled his eyebrows at her and got closer, looking to take the shy pink girl as his next bride. Unfortunately, his advance fell flat, and so did he, falling face-first with foam coming out of his mouth as he got too close to her, due to her authority.
“Of course, it was so obvious. Who else has otherworldly knowledge to create this and magical craft to reinforce it? Not to mention Roswaal’s connection. That girl really seems to enjoy bothering me, huh?” Coming to the conclusion that the one behind it all was Echidna, Subaru quickly found out that he couldn’t address the problem straight to her, so he’ll have to visit Anastasia later to talk about his share of the pie.
He decided while he was at it to read the rest of the labelling and marketing on the box. What was it that attracted people to this in the first place?
“Let’s see. Pocket Subaru, your new fabulous companion, who will be there for you through thick or thin. There isn’t anything they can’t do. Why? Because they will keep trying again and again no matter what, persevering through everything with their haughty spirit. Even if they break down, they will do whatever it takes to get their happy ending…” Subaru's voice got quieter and quieter as he read along.
“There isn’t anyone like them.”
Standing in a lush park, an older, good-looking woman smoked her kiseru as she watched over her daughter-like figure.
“Seriously, Schwatz-sama, you are such a hassle.” A little deer girl softly spoke with a smile to the even smaller girl in her hand. The tiny one wore a purple dress as her long black hair covered her right eye. She was both pretty and cute; she was, of course, Natsumi Schwartz.
As Tanza played around with chibi Natsumi, Yorna let out a sigh. “I’ll have to keep a close eye on the two, it seems. There have been rumours floating about a green monster going around hunting and kidnapping rare versions of those pocket toys.” Honestly, what kind of inconsiderate freak would do such a thing?
“They can comfort you like no other.”
Sitting in his office room, the restored king of Vollachia did his paperworkwith proper effort and diligence. He had a lot of work to do still and could not let himself get distracted. But of course he does remember those times he had the company of an old friend, whose presence was appreciated.
But today he was not alone. Cecilus had gifted him an annoying present, one that constantly distracted him. A little version of the knight of the kingdom, wearing the clothing he wore when he first met him.
“Ah.”
Vincent nudged the creature with his feather and pushed it down once again, incurring its anger. For some reason it was quite entertaining, his own personal little jester.
“Heh”
“Cheer you up like no other”
“Hm, you are correct, Subaru. I have to start writing to Rem; I can’t slack off now, can I?” Katya gently patted her little new friend.
The Subaru on her desk sat there smiling at her, urging her to connect once more with her friend in Lugunica. And while the delicate girl in her wheelchair wrote, as motivated by Subaru. Behind, through the cracks of the door, watched a hungry wolf waiting to lunge at his prey.
“First you cause me all sorts of problems, and now you come into my house and influence me, Natsuki Subaru. You are a threat to my existence.” Bearing his sharpened axe, Todd would not fail this time in eliminating the Child of War.
“Love you like no other”
Sitting under a shade, two people held each other, both of them small for the big world they reside in but dangerous when left to face a threat.
“AHHH, Chibi Master, you’re so cute. Your lovely Shaula is enjoying this date so much.” The literal scorpion tried to communicate with her tiny version of her master. Who was just trying not to get stung by Shaula's tail.
Hehe, Master is cute in any form he takes, just like Shula.” She did not seem to understand that he was simply trying to survive in her embrace.
“Help you like no other”
Usually she strutted through the world as a lone wolf, but lately she found herself someone who can tag along, someone who she didn’t need the urge to kill right away. Standing on her shoulder was that new companion, with messy black hair, mean eyes, and clothed in a white tunic and traditional ceremonial garment; he led her to where she wanted to go.
“Ah!” Jumping up and down, he pointed her to a city, a city where the thief resided.
She held the boy in her palms now. “Thank you, Su; you were a great help.”
“Ah.” The great wind spirit, the killer who predates even Satella, was defeated with a smile, not just any smile, however, but one that held the shine of a thousand suns.
THUD
She was knocked out cold…oh, and the thief escaped in the meantime.
“Make you laugh like no other”
“GYAHAHAHAHAH, yes, yes, entertain this wonderful lady more, my little meat bags! Where do you think you’re running off to? Don’t you want to give Mama a kiss?”
The sight is not for the faint of heart, because right now hundreds, if not thousands, of Pocket Subarus are running around the dungeon trying their best to survive the wrath of their new ‘mama.’
All of them are trampling over each other, hoping to survive the slimy tentacles that are hunting them down. Their screams would remain unheard, however, as the sound of Capella's joy drowned them out. At least her other children didn’t get tortured that day for messing up.
“Make you smile like no other”
Dancing in a cave alone was an ethereal beauty who could drive the entirety of the world insane if she simply appeared before the fortunate who were there to witness her grace.
She always wore a serene smile, but right now her smile was wider than usual. It looked more genuine, not like the automatic one she stamped on her face, but rather one of pure content, as she had finally found what she was looking for.
The world was her stage, but right now he was her world; in her arms was a small figure, wearing a dark outfit with orange highlights and an elegant cape draping behind him. His eyes, which could scare away any soul, seemed to match with hers, which seemed to pull towards anyone.
And here in this moment, the Witch of Vainglory Priestess, Pandora, gave an honest and loving smile.
Subaru was quiet; before he took a deep breath, he said nothing, since all that needed to be said was already said.
“I should get back home; everyone’s probably waiting.” He is now truly looking forward to spending time with the rest of the camp and the new addition.
Before he left, he took one last look at the box and squinted, noticing something at the bottom in very tiny text. It was a lexicon that was very recognizable to him; it was of his mother tongue, Japanese. “Echidna left a message?”
It read, “あまり執着しすぎないでください。 寿命がとても短く、すぐに死んでしまいます。”
Translation: Don't get too attached to them; they have a very short lifespan and will die soon.
"…Oh shit."