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Link looked out over Hyrule. A sense of calm washed over them. This was the country they saved, this was the country they loved.
”It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I always loved the sunset.” Zelda came up behind them. She smiled sweetly at them.
They nodded.
Zelda sat down, gently pulling Link with her. “I’m glad I’m here with you. Thousands of years of just flying, my mind gone; I’m exhausted. But you make it all better.” She put her hand over theirs.
They turned their hand over and took her hand.
She brushed back some of their air. “I never want to be separated again.”
They smiled.
She pulled out a flower, her signature silent princess. “I love you Link.”
Their eyes widened and then softened. She put the flower in their hair.
The two leaned in, lips ready.
Suddenly a blueish green glow forced them apart. In between them stood a beautiful faded Zora princess.
”So this is what you do!” Mipha cried. “Use my gift and then go on to some other girl. She even hated you at first!”
Link panickedly looked around.
Mipha put her hands on her hips. “I died for you. You see, the thing is, I love you.”
”No!” shouted out Zelda. “Not more than me!”
”I have given my soul for them. You have not,” Mipha said.
“But I have!” declared Revali, swooping down from the moon. “After years of repressing my feelings I have finally accepted it. I love you!”
”You don’t deserve their love,” said Mipha. “You shunned them, made fun of them.”
”They are much greater than you,” agreed Zelda.
Link frantically looked between their potential lovers.
”Oh.” Paya emerged on the scene. “What’s going on here?”
I love Link and they’re bullying me,” whined Revali.
”Liar!” said Zelda. “I’m their lover. They were going to kiss me!”
”Only because I was not there!” cried Mipha.
”You love Link?” Paya asked. “Why, I do as well!”
”They’re mine though!” declared Zelda.
”They are not an object,” chided Revali. “They are much more.”
Link took a step back while Revali, Mipha, and Zelda argued. Paya ran around them trying to form a ‘I love Link!’ club.
Arms wrapped around them from behind. A grin looked down at Link.
”Hello my dearest friend,” said Sidon cheerfully. “Are you in need of assistance?"
Link nodded and Sidon gently picked them up and ran off. The arguing people noticed immediately.
”Your brother is stealing Link away!” yelled Zelda.
”Come back here Sidon!” Mipha called after them, running with Zelda.
Revali took to the air and dove at Sidon. Unfortunately he was still a ghost so he just fazed through the living Zora.
”Do you want to join the ‘I love Link!’ club too?” Paya waved some flyers she’s summoned. She ran after them quickly.
”Don’t worry friend. I’ll keep you safe,” assured Sidon.
Link’s eyes slid to Mipha.
”Are you worried about my sister? Don’t worry, she’s dead.”
”How dare you steal my partner!” Zelda screamed.
Mipha caught up with them and tried to attack them. However she was dead. “Release them! This is your older sister speaking!”
Sidon muttered, “Get ready to get wet.” Instinctively Link changed into their Zora armor. Sidon wrinkled his nose at his sister’s work but dove into a river all the same.
He quickly swam through the water. Zelda and Paya were forced to the edge so they continued running along the river from land.
”Link, my dearest friend,” said Sidon. “I must confess that I am in love with you!”
”No!” screeched Mipha. “We can’t both be in love with them!”
”You just met them. I’ve known them for longer,” claimed Revali.
”That is untrue,” said Sidon and then told Link, “I am your perfect partner. You will get everything you wanted!”
Link was shocked again. They glanced between all their options. They were all good. How could they choose?
“You’re cheating on me!?” Yona suddenly emerged from the water in front of Sidon. “Fine. I love Link instead!”
Link fell off Sidon.
Both Yona and Sidon dove to save them. Yona grabbed their right arm and Sidon their left.
”Let go!” said Sidon. “They love me!”
”No!” yelled Mipha. “That’s my armor. They love me!”
”Another member?” asked Paya eagerly.
Everyone started squabbling again.
Suddenly a handsome man emerged over a hill. He held up a majestic torch. Lighting struck it out of nowhere and a brilliant flame flared to life on it.
Everyone gasped in awe. Silently the figure walked down to the water. Zelda and Paya flocked to him and Yona and Sidon graciously brought Link over together.
”Behold, the Master Torch!”
Everyone looked, mesmerized by the torch’s beauty.
In their amazement Sidon and Yona loosened their grip on Link. Link wriggled free and swam to the beautiful torch and the man that held it.
Upon seeing Link free everyone pounced upon them. This was the ultimate showdown. Here—on this hill—would Link’s lover be decided.
Yona struck first. She pulled out a royal claymore from nothing. She immediately bashed the handle into Sidon’s gorgeous, stunning, mesmerizing, symmetrical face. Tears flew from his eyes.
”That’s it,” he yelled. “We’re over!”
Zelda flexed her hands and ranked her luminous blue claws across Revali. Fortunately he was transparent because he was dead.
Paya tumbled around, knocking into each person, offering pamphlets to anyone who’d listen.
Mipha let out a great sigh. Blueish green mist covered the battlefield. It pettily obscured Sidon’s eyes.
Link looked around, unsure of what was happening. Why must such beautiful people fight each other?
Zelda tackled Yona, bashing her own sword into her chest.
Mipha awed. “Such wonderful battle tactics,” she complimented.
Zelda blushed. “Your mist is good too.”
”What about my mist?”
”No,” Zelda told Revali. He sniffled at the mean words.
Link dived out of the way as Paya pinned Sidon to the ground forcing him to sign up for the ‘I love Link!’ club.
A hand took theirs. Link looked up and locked eyes with the most beautiful man in the world. In his other hand was the legendary torch.
Together, hand in hand, the pair ran off.
Link stared in awe at the beauty, almost as beautiful as the man himself, the man held. Stunned, they pointed at it.
”This?” the man asked. He brandished it, flaming flowing strongly. “Is the legendary Master torch, the fire that seals darkness.”
Link summoned their own sword, wanting to impress the man. They pushed forward the glowing blade.
The man scrutinized it. “Not bad. Obviously it’ll never compare to the Master torch but nice nonetheless.” Link nods happily. “My name is Yolero and you must be Link.”
Link nods again.
Yolero grins. “Perhaps together we can rid the world of darkness! You can be my sidekick!”
Link smiled. He’d love to be closer to Yolero.
Then a salty Revali—well, he was always salty—divebomed them. They startled even though Revali was still dead.
”There!” Zelda pointed at the two. She stood on a tall hill, hand in hand with Mipha. She must have learned necromancy as a dragon because the dead fish was actually touching her.
”We’ve been found,” hissed Yolero. He took Link’s hand graciously and the pair ran off again.
As they ran, Master torch and sword glowing, Paya zoomed towards them. The seemingly shy girl caught up with them and offered them pamphlets. “Surely you must want to be part of the ‘I love Link!’ club too? We meet on Tuesdays and there’s always snacks!”
Yolero looked thoughtful. “I’ll try and come,” he said. Link’s heart beat fast. They looked at Yolero desiringly. “I might be busy with Link though, banishing darkness with the Master torch.”
Paya smiled brightly. “Yay! More members!” She fell back and went to go wrangle Yona into joining.
As Paya left Sidon took her place. He showed off his shark teeth, a sight that made any sane person swoon. However Yolero was better. With a warm smile and the light of the Master torch, Yolero fended Sidon off. Sidon then proceeded to fall on his face.
Revali divebombed them again but it didn’t matter. He was only a pest. After all, he was only salty and dead. But when blueish green mist started to fill their vision Yolero went to vanquish Revali with the legendary torch. However it turned out it had been the other dead person.
A net was thrown over the pair as the mist disappeared. Zelda and Mipha stood in front of their prisoners.
”Be gone!” Yolero attempted to brandish the Master Torch. “I am the hero of the Master Torch!”
”No thank you,” said Mipha.
Zelda smiled at Mipha. “You make a very good distraction.”
”Any you a very good net.”
The two looked at each other. They stepped closer and clasped hands.
”I think,” started Zelda,” that I don’t need Link anymore.
”Zelda…” sighed Mipha sweetly. “You don’t have to say it…”
”I do… I love you.”
Mipha smiled. “I love you too.”
Zelda then proceeded to kiss the dead Zora.
Link cooed and Yolero miraculously undid them from their prison. As the princess kissed rather passionately the couple ran off once again.
Finally, peace and quiet.
In the darkness of night Yolero bentley placed down the torch. Link did the same with the blade.
”Link…” Yolero pulled out a box and got on one knee. “I know we’re destined for one another. Will you marry me?”
Link looked at him with loving eyes. “Yes.”
Yolero hugged Link hard. The two cried in delight. They kissed each other on the cheeks repeatedly.
Link had found his true love.
Days later Yolero and Link stood together as Paya asked for their vows. Mipha and Zelda yearly watched from the front row as they held onto each other for comfort. An open seat was left next to them. Yona had been invited but had recently disappeared. When Paya was asked she just smiled and flashed a pamphlet for her lovely club. As the wedding wrapped up, Sidon gave the newlyweds their rings, having realized the superiority of Yolero and his torch.
And Revali was gone. He’d been annoying so Zelda had learned of an ancient song that made him pass on. Sure, he’d been screaming in pain as he faded but he was in a better place now.
Yolero and Link peacefully walked into the sunset, linked together by weapons and love.