Chapter Text
Dating Kaveh was one of those things that Alhaitham had to accept would bring constant chaos to his life. For all intents and purposes, his boyfriend was a force of nature. Unpredictable, even when using any and every algorithm to predict behavior known to the scribe. He was an independent variable. He didn’t reflect the world; the world bent around him.
Kaveh sort of reminded Alhaitham of a nebula, hundreds of colors made up of different elements constantly pulled together by the gravity of each object—an absolute scientific masterpiece created from the destruction of other things. Alhaitham had been yanked unsuspectingly by Kaveh’s gravitational pull.
But he wasn’t as frivolous or mundane as the colorful space between stars, perish the thought. Perhaps they were more akin to binary star systems, two stars orbiting around each other (or, more accurately, a common center of mass), tying their fates together in a way that made Alhaitham shudder at the intimacy of it all. He supposed it was fitting that, with most binary star systems, one star was brighter than the other. He preferred it that way.
The serendipitous chaos that followed Kaveh, the mosaic of discord that surrounded him, often generated unique problems for Alhaitham to solve. This was ideal, as Alhaitham detested boredom, and Kaveh was anything but boring. Occasionally somewhat irritating, but never dull. The architect challenged and pushed him in ways no other could, approaching each topic with such ardor that Alhaitham couldn’t find it in him to ignore.
But, the matter at hand. The Kaveh Chaos Cloud, as Tighnari affectionately called it, was a well-known phenomenon throughout Sumeru, but especially within their friend group. It was known to have atrocious timing, such as when Alhaitham wasn’t around to do damage control. Unfortunately, he could not be, as business in the Akademiya required him to stay in Sumeru. At the same time, Kaveh went to Fontaine on a short business trip.
Had he mentioned a seminar on Fontainian spandrels or architecture featuring prominent archways? Alhaitham couldn’t recall; however, he did remember enough to know that Kaveh’s trip was only supposed to be four days.
And that was when he received the call.
“Oh, thank Archons, you actually picked up! Okay, I gotta be quick because this is my one phone call—” Kaveh rambled, his voice slightly distorted by whatever phone he used.
Despite approximately 11 months, 16 days, 7 hours, and 50-some-odd minutes of dating, Kaveh's voice still made him slightly weak in the knees. Even before they officially started dating and had been living together for years, he was annoyingly weak for the man.
However, he was also undeniably fond of Kaveh. And what in Alhaitham had initially seemed to be annoyance or outright aggravation was soon revealed to be a façade for his deep-seated affection.
That isn't to say Kaveh didn't annoy him. It was the artist's favorite pastime, actually. But there was certainly something more there.
Kaveh knew Alhaitham loved him.
Alhaitham knew he was absolutely ruined for Kaveh.
“Kaveh. Breathe. What do you mean by ‘one phone call’?” Alhaitham rubbed his temples, already assuming the worst. They had reached a modus vivendi long ago before they had even started dating, but that did not negate the fact that some of Kaveh’s stupider conundrums could be particularly annoying.
Kaveh laughed nervously on the other end, “Okay, so funny story. You’re going to love this. I sort of got charged? With a crime? Actually, I'm pretty sure it was a misdemeanor. Whatever, semantics. It was in Fontaine? City of Justice, which is super unfortunate, I know. Of all the places to run into legal trouble…”
And there it was. Somehow, this was not as surprising to Alhaitham as it should've been; Kaveh getting arrested was just so him.
He moved through life like he was painting, but sometimes he was so focused on individual brush strokes he forgot the bigger picture. Which was a strength of his, except when the bigger picture was, say, his rent. Or the law. Then his keen eye could be quite a nuisance.
“Kaveh!” Alhaitham seldom raised his voice; it was often a waste of energy and effort, but he was genuinely starting to get worried. “What did you do?”
His boyfriend made an affronted noise on the other end. “I didn’t do anything wrong! How was I supposed to know it is illegal to play bingo while drunk? That’s a stupid rule, and I wasn’t even the drunkest there!” Kaveh snorted, and Alhaitham could picture the way the light bounced off his red eyes as an impish grin made itself known. “You should’ve seen this other guy. Monstadter, by the looks of his clothing and his accent. He was wasted, Haitham; he got on the table and started dancing with this Liyuen guy. They were Anemo and Geo holders, too. They reminded me of the older depictions of Barbatos and Morax.” He ended in a fit of giggles, filling Alhaitham’s unamused silence.
It wasn't that Alhaitham didn't care about his love’s observations. He found the way he compared real living mortals to long-dead gods endearing in a way. He just cared more about his gorgeous, intelligent, yet utterly idiotic lover’s safety at this current point in time.
Kaveh stopped, coughed, and seemed to sober up a bit, “Right. Situation at hand. The Duke of Meropide happened to be walking by our table.”
“You broke the law in front of the warden of Teyvat’s most infamous prison?” Alhaitham said incredulously, blinking as he digested the information. He loved Kaveh fiercely and desperately, but some days, he wondered how his brilliant partner could be so incredibly obtuse.
“I wasn’t aware that he was the warden at the time! You know I don’t keep up with politics outside of Sumeru, and no one knows anything about him anyway, so how was I supposed to know?” Kaveh huffed, and Alhaitham knew his face was crimson with embarrassment.
Alhaitham groaned while he moved quickly through their home, throwing the essentials into a bag. At the same time, he spoke, “I cannot believe— actually, I can. Maybe, perhaps, oh, I don’t know, doing some research on the place you’re visiting would benefit you in the future? So you don’t break their laws in front of their famous prison wardens? An idea, anyway.”
Their room was neat and orderly, thanks to Kaveh's constant nagging despite his ability to create a mess unlike any Alhaitham had ever seen. It made packing much easier, although Alhaitham's focus was so enraptured in trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do that he was sure he had missed something.
Kaveh would pester him about it later.
“Wow, thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” Kaveh said dryly. Alhaitham heard Kaveh shuffle and then heard a faint noise in the background. “Crap, I think I have to go soon. Look, I did some reading since I’m awaiting my trial right now, and I found something that may come in handy. There’s this weird caveat to Fontainian Law. If a non-citizen is arrested, their spouse can vouch for them in court. If they can prove that the absence of their partner fundamentally disrupts their life back home, charges may be dropped. Granted, this only works for misdemeanors and infractions, of course; thank Celestia, I only committed a misdemeanor—”
“But we’re not married.”
“I know. But if we are in a courtroom with a judge, we could get married. We get married at the start of the trial; you bring along Cyno and Tighnari to vouch for my character and act as witnesses along with the audience, and voilà,” Kaveh sounded incredibly pleased with himself.
He made it sound so easy. Kaveh always made things he wanted Alhaitham to do sound easy. Then again, Alhaitham would easily do whatever Kaveh wanted.
Well. Perhaps not easily.
Tighnari once joked that if Kaveh asked Alhaitham to walk to the end of the world, catch a falling star, and bring it back for him, Alhaitham would find a way to do it (albeit with a lot of grumbling).
Alhaitham was loath to admit his friend was right, so he lied and denied it. They both knew he was lying.
Alhaitham paused while locking their front door, thinking it through. “I doubt Iudex Neuvillette will allow it. Even if there is no law against it, it is still his court, and he would have to agree to it since he would be the only body present available to officiate.”
“Not necessarily! Archons technically also have the authority to officiate weddings.”
“...So you want me to ask Lord Kusanali to come with me to Fontaine, along with Cyno and Tighnari, so that we can get married at the beginning of your trial?” Alhaitham repeated, walking quickly through the streets to get to the Akademiya.
Somehow, the way to the Akademiya seemed so much longer as he briskly made his way through crowds of people. The beautiful winding streets of Sumeru were increasingly getting on Alhaitham's nerves as he navigated them while trying to avoid running into people, his bag clutched at his side and mouth set in a determined line.
“Yeah, that sums it up. Oh, and Cyno can be your Maid of Honor, and Tighnari can be my Best Man!” Kaveh squealed on the other end.
Alhaitham rolled his eyes as he walked into the Akademiya, ignoring the stares and whispers he was getting due to his disheveled appearance. He hadn’t meant to leave the house in such a state, but where Kaveh was involved, logic seemed secondary.
“What kind of old gender norms are you pushing here?” Alhaitham let himself smile slightly before faltering. “I truly hope you’re right about this,” he muttered, trying to ignore the tempest of butterflies in his stomach that exploded whenever he thought about marrying Kaveh.
Kaveh hummed on the other end of the phone, “You have too little faith.”
“Perhaps you have too much.”
He got a scandalized gasp in response, “Never! You wouldn’t understand because you’re not an artist. Trusting the process is part of it.”
And he did not understand. He was not an artist. But years of living with Kaveh taught him how to appreciate art, so he'd wait and see. Granted, he had little choice in the matter.
Then, there was more din on the other side of the receiver. “Hold on for five seconds, I’m speaking with my fiancé!” Alhaitham heard Kaveh snap at someone on his end. “I’m sorry, Haitham, I really have to go. This really ANNOYING guard is getting on my last nerve. I love you. I’ll see you in a few days!”
“Mhm. Love you too. And for the love of Archons, don’t get in any more trouble before we get there. Tighnari’s already going to somehow pin the blame on me,” Alhaitham said with slight amusement.
He heard the line on the other end go dead.
Alhaitham had just reached Cyno's office, so with a preliminary rap of his knuckles on the door, he stepped in.
It had made sense to see Cyno first. Out of the three people Alhaitham needed to gather, Cyno would slow him down the least. The General was as efficient as he was ruthless, which was one of the reasons why Alhaitham found him to be one of the only acceptable people to work with.
Cyno was at his desk, filling out some sort of report. He looked up warily at the scribe occupying his doorway, raising an eyebrow. “What happened?”
Alhaitham sighed, “Kaveh got arrested.”
“How?”
“You didn't let me finish. Kaveh was arrested in Fontaine.” Alhaitham crossed his arms, studying the General.
Cyno faltered, making a clicking noise in the back of his mouth. “Well, that's… unfortunate.”
Alhaitham hummed in acknowledgment, leaning slightly towards the door. He would deny it later, but he was ready to sprint out of that office. “We need to grab Lord Kusanali and Tighnari.”
“Then let's move.”