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All things considered, a bruised and bloody nose is one of the lesser consequences of Seungcheol’s woeful pining. Especially when everything that preceded it was much more painful, despite the lack of bloodshed. Though, it certainly felt as if he had been stabbed in the chest a couple times, ever the dramatic he is. 

Seungcheol shut his eyes tightly, head swimming and blood pooling in his cupid’s bow. Idiot. He scolded himself and wracked his brain on how he even got in this position in the first place.

Ah, of course. Yoon Jeonghan. When has it ever not been him?

With a defeated groan, Seungcheol dropped his head into his hands and decided that there would be no better time to reflect on the past than right now, hoping that would somehow take him away from his current situation, the culmination of all that came before.

♡︎

On the first day of eighth grade, Seungcheol shoved some unnecessary, crumpled paper into the beaten down locker newly assigned to him next to his homeroom for the year, slamming the door shut and hearing the familiar click of the lock. The start of his last year in middle school marked something; he wasn’t sure what, but it was something for sure. Maybe the last year before he finally attends a school with properly functioning air conditioning. Or the last year he’ll have to deal with the other boys not knowing how to wear some goddamn deodorant, though that seemed like wishful thinking. 

Perhaps this was the last year Seungcheol would have to suffer from being the only one in his tight knit trio that hasn’t had a romantic prospect, male or female. Somehow being bisexual made it all the more embarrassing to his fourteen year-old brain, which decided shame should be the default state of mind. Weren’t there limited options for queer middle school boys anyway? And still nothing? God, he was starting to hear Mingyu’s voice in his head telling him to “get out there!” and “make yourself known!” Easy for someone as extroverted as him to say. 

Speak of the devil, Seungcheol thought as he stepped into his homeroom with his backpack slung over his left shoulder, heading over to where his two best friends sat, giving their schedules another once over.

“Seungcheol! My brother! How I have missed you!” Mingyu wailed with open arms, as Seungcheol plopped himself in the seat of the desk next to him, with Wonwoo sitting behind him.

Seungcheol winced at the theatrics, “We saw each other all summer, moron.”

Mingyu replied with a pout, “You don’t love me like you say you do.”

“I don’t say I love you?”

Wonwoo interrupted before anything could escalate further, “It’s a little different in school, y’know? It’s one thing to be idiots on our own time, but doing it in school adds another level of enjoyment.”

Mingyu nods enthusiastically, “Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I shit on company time, that kinda thing!” Wonwoo pushed up his glasses with a sigh and Seungcheol rolled his eyes, fighting off a smile. “Whatever, it’s our last year as middle schoolers boys! We have the whole world ahead of us.”

“I think Cheol’s got his whole world right here,” Wonwoo said in an incredibly low voice, with a nod of his head towards the area behind the boy in question.

Seungcheol whipped his head around quicker than he would ever admit, too overcome with a swoop of hope to be worried about getting made fun of by his friends.

Well, okay. Sure, Seungcheol hasn’t had any luck when it came to a school romance, but he can’t truthfully say he’s made an effort exactly. Not when he could only keep his eyes on one person in particular.

Yoon Jeonghan.

The boy had moved at the start of last year, and completely tilted Seungcheol’s world on its axis.

Jeonghan was without a doubt the most beautiful person Seungcheol had ever seen in his life. 

Of course, this was something that was almost entirely foreign to a seventh grade boy who had only just recently come to terms with the fact that he could even have his eyes on other boys at all. Nonetheless, as soon as Seungcheol had heard the other boy’s giggle, it was game over. 

And so, he finds himself in the same situation time and time again, including at the moment: enthralled completely by this boy whom he could only dream of having in his orbit at all. 

“Earth to Seungcheol? Don’t stare, it’s freaky as hell,” Mingyu waved a hand in front of his face. Seungcheol swatted the hand away and, as per the usual routine, deny, deny, deny. 

“I wasn’t staring!”

Wonwoo and Mingyu shared a knowing look, before turning their collective gaze to Seungcheol, something that said look at this fool . 

Mingyu propped his head on his hand, “I still don’t get why you don’t just go up and talk to him. He’s nice to everyone, which is why he’s popular in the first place.”

Just talk to him. Yeah, right. Seungcheol scoffed, “Too many things can go wrong, and he probably doesn’t even like guys.” 

“You could always just try, I don’t know, being friends? Or saying a single word at all?” Wonwoo added. 

“It’ll happen when it happens, I guess,” Seungcheol sighed lightly, mentally begging for some higher power to make that happen, and make it happen soon.

Seungcheol’s eyes widened as Jeonghan set his eyes in his direction, and began walking to where he sat, and Oh my god, he’s coming to me? No, Mingyu probably, oh my god he’s looking right at me oh my god oh my g-

“Hi! Seungcheol, right?” Jeonghan said, flashing a smile.

Seungcheol made a mental note to choose his words more carefully, lest the heavens actually decide to listen to his prayers.

He asked you a question, dumbass.

“Ah, yeah! That’s me. Seungcheol. Yep!” 

Mingyu snickered while Wonwoo suddenly became very interested in the random carvings on his desk, hand covering his mouth. Jeonghan’s eyebrows twitched together for a moment, but a smile lingered nonetheless as he continued, “Cool, I took a peek at the class list for math, don’t ask how, but we’re in the same class,” he tucked a dark brown strand behind his ear before continuing, “your name was the only one I recognized, since we were in the same homeroom last year too. See you there, I guess?” And with that, he walked away, unaffected, dark hair lightly bouncing with each step.

Seungcheol felt his head reel, and Wonwoo and Mingyu simultaneously decided this was going to be an eventful year.

♡︎

Seungcheol turned the small paper rose around between his thumb and index finger, spinning it back and forth. It was late spring now, which signaled the end of the year, and the eighth grade dance to go with it. After a year of vague interactions, sharing notes on occasion, and a borrowed pencil here and there, Seungcheol was finally ready to put his big boy pants on, as Mingyu had put it, and ask Jeonghan out. That is, if you consider ready to be nearly puking his lunch up at the mere thought of going up to Jeonghan at all, much less asking for his hand to the dance. 

Mingyu and Wonwoo nagging continuously over the course of the school year had finally gotten to him. One Friday night weeks ago, they had taken their bikes to the creek and sat drinking soda, discussing the end of year events, when Seungcheol was suddenly overcome with a wave of confidence, sourced from heaven knows where.

“I think I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna ask Jeonghan.” He confessed.

Wonwoo’s eyes widened and Mingyu leapt from the rock he was sitting on and tackled Seungcheol in a bear hug. “Finally! You’ve finally grown a pair! I’m so proud of you my boy!”

Seungcheol shoved the boy off him, once again pretending to hate the affection, “I’m older than you!”

“Objection, relevancy. We’ve been waiting for this moment all year.”

“What he said,” Wonwoo chimed in. “We’re proud of you, bro.”

Seungcheol nodded appreciatively, “Thanks guys. Seriously. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen anyway?”

Famous last words.

The boy gently tucked the paper rose into the inner pocket of his denim jacket, shut his locker, and wiped his sweaty palms on his cargo shorts. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Jeonghan was nice. 

That was a gross understatement; he was nothing like any of these pubescent hooligans, he was something more like… an angel. Seungcheol would never admit that, though, not again. Wonwoo had dry heaved for about a minute straight when he said it the first (and last) time. Bottom line, Jeonghan was a kind boy, he wouldn’t ridicule Seungcheol even if he didn’t share the same feelings. At least, that was what he hoped.

Despite building the courage to make a move, that didn’t mean there weren’t millions of outcomes rapid firing through Seungcheol’s head like some kind of viciously anxious Dr. Strange. He made his best effort to shut it all down, and took a deep breath before turning to face the other side of the hallway, a row of lockers down where Jeonghan stood by his own. 

Oh, Seungcheol thought. This wasn’t one of the outcomes he pictured.

Jeonghan let out a deep giggle and let the boy he was talking to tuck a hair behind his ear, and Seungcheol decided that was all he could stomach. He gripped his backpack straps tightly to his chest and turned on his heels, making a break in the opposite direction, ignoring his usual route home through the exit in Jeonghan’s direction.

Seungcheol felt the paper rose crumple in his jacket pocket, heart in his stomach. Somehow, a part of him knew this would not be the last time.

♡︎

Throughout his freshman year, Seungcheol had made countless, futile attempts to free himself from this inexplicable grasp Jeonghan had on him, with the two having become somewhat acquainted; a little more than just peers, though not quite friends. In his efforts, he had even dated a girl, Seulgi, before he admitted that he didn’t have much feeling towards her, and she admitted that she had felt nothing for anyone, to be entirely honest. The two remained a strangely symbiotic pair and biology lab partners for the rest of the year, with Seulgi even catching onto his extensive longing towards a certain long-haired boy. 

At the same time, the boy in question was taken by some bird-brained douchebag soccer player, who was seemingly embarrassed to be seen with Jeonghan with the way they snuck around. 

Seungcheol felt himself fuming seeing the way the loser, whose name he didn’t care to know, would be caught dead before being seen with Jeonghan, painfully gorgeous Jeonghan. 

It came as no surprise when Seungcheol, as he was leaving school one day, had bumped into Jeonghan running from the football field. He stumbled before Seungcheol had grasped him by the arms on instinct, steadying him. He looked up to meet red, watery eyes, before pulling his arms back quickly, electrified by the touch.

Jeonghan looked down and cleared his throat. “Sorry, um, I wasn’t really looking-”

“Don’t, it’s fine,” Seungcheol cut him off and shifted awkwardly on his feet, debating for a moment whether or not he should make himself disturbingly, glaringly obvious. “He didn’t deserve you, by the way. Uh, if that’s what this is.”

Jeonghan looked up at him through tear-dampened lashes, mouth slightly agape in what could be shock, maybe something else undecipherable, and Seungcheol felt as though every artery in his heart had weaved into ropes for his stomach to play double dutch with. 

“Hannie, there you are! Come- oh!” Seungcheol whipped his head around to make eye contact with Jeonghan’s best friend, Joshua, before returning his gaze to the teary boy in front of him. 

Too much. Too much.

Seungcheol hastily slipped past Jeonghan without another word.

Things hadn’t progressed much since that moment, nor did they ever speak of it in any way. Though, Seungcheol felt their sporadic conversations took up a little more time now. A win is a win.

♡︎

The winter chill bit at Seungcheol’s exposed nose. Dammit, Mingyu. He sat close to Wonwoo, huddling for warmth while waiting for their friend on the steps outside the high school auditorium to walk to the chicken shop down the road.

“SORRY! Sorry! I’m here, let’s go!” Mingyu panted as he leapt down the steps two, three at a time. The other two boys sprung up and the three broke into a damn near sprint down the street until they reached the shop, tumbling through the glass door, heaving and out of breath. They plopped themselves in a torn-up red cushioned booth in the farthest corner, their own place of sanctity since the start of high school. The old woman running the shop knew them by now, the usual shared order included: a 15 piece bucket of fried chicken, a coke, a sprite, and a lemonade (Wonwoo claims to hate soda, but steals sips of theirs anyway). 

As they chowed down on their after school lunch, they shared their stories for the week, as per their Friday afternoon ritual. Seungcheol had zoned out for a moment as the conversation droned on, before his attention snapped back at the mention of a certain topic.

“Did you see Jeonghan and his new loverboy?” Mingyu said through a mouthful of chicken.

Wonwoo looked to Seungcheol, clearly awaiting a response. 

“Me?! No? Contrary to what you guys believe, I’m not watching Jeonghan at all hours of the day,” Seungcheol scoffed.

Wonwoo and Mingyu shared a knowing glance, as they always did in moments like these. “Sure, buddy. We believe you,” Mingyu said, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Seems like you’ve been deprived of your chance to take Jeonghan to the dance once again,” Wonwoo said apologetically.

“Just my luck,” Seungcheol shut his eyes and threw his head back against the booth repeatedly, hoping he would somehow cause enough damage to whatever part of his brain won’t let him move on from Jeonghan.

The winter formal was approaching in the next two weeks; in light of his major loss in eighth grade, though not recent in the slightest, Seungcheol hadn’t quite grown the courage to try again. They were sophomores now, and he still couldn’t bring himself to ask him out this time around, and of course, he was too late now. Seungcheol had watched the other boy parade around with his senior boyfriend (obviously he lied to his friends, he does watch his every move) the past few days, feeling like someone was throwing a brick at the back of his head every time he so much as glanced in their direction. Seungcheol felt his stomach twist itself into a knot when he saw the arm of the guy around Jeonghan’s waist, an arm that once again wasn’t his. 

In the familiar booth of the chicken shop, Seungcheol was plagued by the same aching yearning he always was for a boy he could never have, not even if hell froze over. 

“It’ll never happen guys, I just have to give it up,” Seungcheol huffed, “the only issue is how.”

Mingyu dropped his chicken and flicked his forehead. “Cheol, please, it will happen. I feel it in my bones.”

“The only thing you’re gonna feel in your bones is broken if you don’t quit it,” Seungcheol threatened while rubbing his forehead.

“Play nice, boys,” Wonwoo mediated, calmly taking a sip from his lemonade and turning his attention to the wounded boy, “As much as I hate to admit it, and I really, really hate it, Mingyu is weirdly right about most things.”

Mingyu’s brows furrowed, “Thank you?”

Seungcheol groaned before gazing out the window next to him dramatically. 

He was truly unlucky.

Because as soon as he turned to look towards the mini parking lot of the plaza, his eyes landed right on a shoddy, gray car. Sitting in the driver's seat was Jeonghan’s stupid boyfriend, planting a kiss on the other boy’s lips before turning and taking a hit from an almost comically bulky vape that looked like the handle of a pistol, blowing the smoke out the window and coughing a bit too much while Jeonghan pat his back comfortingly, a strange wince of distaste on his face.

Seriously? THIS is what he was losing to?

Seungcheol groaned even louder and slammed his head down on the table, this time hoping it would mercifully knock him out.

♡︎

With August behind them, the start of September welcomed the new school year. Seungcheol has heard enough horror stories about the atrocities of junior year to know that he needs to keep his full focus on school, and nothing else. Especially not his extra busy, super time-consuming love life.

In fact, he was so fiercely dedicated to his studies that he hadn’t tried to date anyone since he and Seulgi had their short-lived relationship freshman year. This was solely due to the fact that he chose to keep his eyes down entirely of his own volition, definitely not because he was still on Jeonghan. 

At least over summer break he was able to distract himself by spending almost all of his time at either Mingyu’s house or down at the creek. But even then, when he was laying in his bed after staying up until 2:00 AM playing video games, his mind kept wandering to that same familiar smile and glimmering eyes.

It surely didn’t help that on the first day of class, one of the few seats open in his journalism class was next to Seungcheol, ripe and ready to be taken by an almost-late Jeonghan.

Jeonghan’s eyes flitted across the room, quickly scanning for a spot before landing on the empty seat next to Seungcheol on the far left side next to the wall. Unlike Jeonghan, he made sure to arrive early to choose a seat that was far enough from the front that he could slack-off if needed, but not too far into the corner to make his teachers think he was a troublemaker; he’d mastered the art of doing well and flying under the radar.

Relief was visible on Jeonghan’s face, and he shuffled into the open seat, throwing out a hushed greeting towards Seungcheol and getting comfortable. When class began and the teacher stated that these would be the seats for the whole year for convenience, Seungcheol couldn’t help the way his shoulders tensed. 

A year was a long time to be right next to Jeonghan. 

Maybe he could get away with it in a class where he had his nose in his work, but a light workload elective? There was no escape for him. He could already sense Jeonghan turning to him to gossip about people whose names he barely knew. A preemptive wave of anxiety washed over his gut, and he threw up in his head about three times before shaking it off.

Jeonghan’s phone, which he had left on his desk in his haste of throwing all his shit down, was facing up and lights up with a notification. Seungcheol wouldn’t necessarily consider himself a nosy guy, but he can’t help the way his eyes were pulled to the brightened screen.

In the brief moment it takes for Jeonghan to read and react to the notification, shutting his phone off and slipping it into the water bottle pocket on the side of his bag, Seungcheol caught a glimpse of his lockscreen; Jeonghan in an oversized sweatshirt holding a long stick with a marshmallow on the end, pressed into the side of a boy a head taller than him.

This was going to be a long year.

Seungcheol gets about two months into the year before he starts contemplating something drastic. He doesn’t know what, nor does he have the capabilities or mindset to actually do it, but the energy is there.

He tries to be a good friend, he really does, because that’s what he is to Jeonghan now. They’ve spent enough time letting the period go by with idle conversation, stuff that turns into gossip at some point that Seungcheol had no meaningful input in whatsoever. He always knew he was sort of isolated from the rest of the student body, but it’s only in this class when Jeonghan is dropping names of people he’s allegedly gone to school with for years that he fully realized how blissfully unaware he is. That was probably the reason Jeonghan was so ready to spill everyone else’s business–he knew Seungcheol wouldn’t remember a damn thing, nor care enough to tell another soul.

“So then I found out they were dating the whole time! Can you believe it? Nayeon and Ho- are you even listening, Seungcheol?” Jeonghan paused his hushed rambling, and Seungcheol whipped his head up from his laptop to look at him. He’s staring at Seungcheol with his head cocked down, eyebrows knit and lips downturned in a pout, and the words died in Seungcheol’s throat.

“I… Nancy and someone?”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes, but there was still a smile tugging on his lips. “Do you even know anyone other than Mingyu and Wonwoo?”

Seungcheol rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, “Do I need to?” He’s not exactly here to entertain anyone–he hasn’t quite vied for anyone’s attention, anyone that wasn’t Jeonghan.

“I mean, I guess not, but haven’t you… had anyone?” Jeonghan half-whispered the end of his question.

Seungcheol blushed profusely, stammering out a response, “I-I have dated a girl before, once.”

Jeonghan’s eyebrows shot up, his interest evidently piqued, “Okay, who?”

“Seulgi-”

“ Seulgi? No way, she’s so cool!”

Seungcheol snorted, “Roundabout way to say she’s way out of my league.”

Jeonghan smacked his shoulder lightly, “Not at all, you’re cute.”

It takes a moment for Seungcheol to process the words said to him–in his defense, they sounded way too similar to the words he hears Jeonghan saying to him in his head, so he barely registers when they’re said out loud. 

“You- ahem, thanks, thank you, um…” The red flush was entirely visible to the tip of Seungcheol’s ears, and he could only pray the shag of his hair was doing a half-decent job of covering it up.

Jeonghan thinks he’s cute. Jeonghan thinks he’s cute and he said it out loud, to his face. Jeonghan thinks he is cute and-

Jeonghan gets a text.

With a bit of nervous haste, he rushed to pick up his phone. As soon as he read the text, Seungcheol noticed a shift. Jeonghan’s shoulders dropped, a barely noticeable pout formed on his face; it was like a dark cloud had passed over his head, caught in a sudden rainshower with no umbrella.

Because Seungcheol has no way of controlling his mouth, he pries.

“You good?” He asked cautiously. Jeonghan seemed to snap out of it and tossed his phone haphazardly into his bag.

“Yeah, no, it’s all good, it’s just–it’s nothing.” 

The hesitation in his voice told Seungcheol otherwise, and if there’s anything Seungcheol had learned since the start of the school year, it was that Jeonghan was more than ready to tell him any and everything he would ever want to know.

“Are you sure? Look, I don’t want to be nosy, but it was like your mood totally shifted.”

Jeonghan sighed, then huffed out a tired laugh. “Is it that obvious?” He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, and Seungcheol wanted to take back everything he said, terrified that he was the reason Jeonghan felt weird, but his thoughts are silenced when he responds. “Things are just a little… rocky between my boyfriend and I. You know how it is.” He laughed awkwardly again, an attempt to lighten the mood. But Seungcheol felt his stomach turn.

“What does he do? If you don’t mind me asking,” Seungcheol quickly scrambled to amend his statement into something not so accusatory of a guy he doesn’t know in the slightest, “I-I mean, what’s going on with you two? Not trying to say he’s a bad guy, or anything. Or that you’re a bad guy, definitely not that, just, you know, every side has two stories-”

“ Seungcheol, it’s fine,” Jeonghan laughed, a real one this time, not one born from tension desperately needing to be broken. Seungcheol breathed out. “He’s just kinda… touchy? Not literally, like in the physical sense, but I sorta feel like I just say the wrong thing all the time, you know?”

Seungcheol snorted, that he could understand, “Preaching to the choir, baby.” He snapped his mouth shut, eyes going wide. His head whipped to Jeonghan, who had gone tomato red from his neck up to his hairline. “It just came out, I didn’t mean that.”

“You’re good, um,” Jeonghan coughed and went to fan himself, instead quickly shifting to just push his hair out of his face. He cleared his throat before continuing, “I just don’t really know what he wants from me sometimes. It’s like, I’ll talk too much, but if I don’t text back he gets upset. I can’t win sometimes.”

He ended it with a forced laugh, but Seungcheol saw the way his face twisted while talking about it; he could feel the weight behind his words, more so the way it seemed to lift off Jeonghan’s back when he said it.

“Anyway, sorry, that was so weird of me to just dump on you, oh my god!” Jeonghan covered his face with his hands, groaning his regret. Without thinking, Seungcheol reached his hand forward to grab Jeonghan’s wrist and gently uncover his face.

“Don’t apologize, you needed to let it out,” Seungcheol’s breath got caught in his throat when Jeonghan turned to him, eyes wide and clear, “I’m your friend. You can always talk to me.”

There was a split second where Seungcheol wished he could go back; he almost preferred being invisible to Jeonghan because it was easier to handle pining from a distance than it was to be in front of him, touching him, being the one he told things to. “Friend” was a heavy title to carry when he wanted so much more, but he could barely even handle just that.

Seungcheol pulled his hands away, trying to not act like he burned at the contact. Jeonghan’s voice was quiet when he spoke again, “Thank you, um, that means a lot.”

They’re both fumbling now, and Seungcheol almost felt bad for feeling relieved—maybe he wasn’t the only one constantly feeling like he was walking around in shoes a size too big. Almost.

Whatever Seungcheol said that day must have rocked Jeonghan’s world, because after that, the floodgates had opened.

Every week it was something new.

Going out to parties without Jeonghan. Being alone with girls. Not texting back for hours on end, calling Jeonghan four times if he did the same. And Seungcheol was bearing witness to it all, watching Jeonghan rake his fingers through his hair to try and figure out how to fix things.

Seungcheol tried his best—he wasn’t the wisest, especially not when it came to people and definitely not when it came to relationships, but he tried to console Jeonghan. He would come in with his hands hidden beneath the sleeves of his hoodie, chewing on his bottom lip, throat bobbing, leg bouncing anxiously.

It’s not that Seungcheol was ever going to actually do something to Jeonghan’s boyfriend, but he can’t say he didn’t think about it. Many, many times.

On a rainy November day, Seungcheol decided he couldn’t watch Jeonghan subject himself to it anymore. 

“Jeonghan-” Seungcheol cut himself off with a sigh, “don’t you think it’s too much?”

The way Jeonghan looked at him told him no, he doesn’t think it’s too much.

“What do you mean?” He asked, but he wasn’t entirely clueless. He never was.

Seungcheol huffed and fidgeted with his hands, clapping his knuckles on his other palm repeatedly. “Just, don’t you think he should be treating you… not like this?”

And, maybe he was clueless, judging by the way his eyes blinked rapidly, mouth floundering for a response. 

“So you’re saying I should break up with him?” His tone wasn’t quite angry, but he was on edge, like he had never expected Seungcheol would hold a mirror up to his relationship. 

“I mean, I’m not saying that , I’m just saying…”

Seungcheol didn’t know what he was saying.

At that moment, Seungcheol could see the defeat wash over Jeonghan. Like he had been trying to hold on to something that wasn’t worth holding onto, and finally he had let it slip from his grasp and shatter. 

“I guess you’re right, huh?” Jeonghan’s voice was barely above a whisper, twirling a pen absentmindedly between his fingers.

Seungcheol felt his heart sink; there was no way Jeonghan of all people should be hurting over a boy who barely gave him the kind of love he deserved. How stupid was that? And how stupid was this guy? To have Jeonghan loving you, it was only something Seungcheol could wish for on every shooting star and dandelion he blew into the wind. 

Mingyu gets about halfway through the year before he decides he is going to do something drastic. They were at the gym, Mingyu spotting Seungcheol, when he shared his plan. “You know, you should date someone. A boy.”

Seungcheol nearly dropped the bar on his neck. Mingyu caught his fumble and continued.

“I’m serious! Look, you gotta get more experience in your field.”

“I’m perfectly fine, thanks, ” Seungcheol grunted.

Mingyu huffed dramatically, “C’mon, I know this really cute boy, he’s a year younger, you’re totally his type and he’s really sweet and funny. Great singer, too.”

Seungcheol set the bar onto the hooks and sat up with a groan, “Awesome, I can finally start the band I’ve been dreaming about for years.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Mingyu rolled his eyes and passed a water bottle, “what’s stopping you? Your one-sided loyalty to a taken man?”

Seungcheol tensed, clenching the water bottle and accidentally making a bit shoot out of the opening. It wasn’t that he was saving himself for Jeonghan, or something, it was just that when he compared everyone else to Jeonghan… he felt nothing. Sure, he had passing crushes, like the guy on the hockey team, or the girl on the hockey team. Or the whole hockey team. That might’ve just been a phase he was having.

In any case, he wasn’t purposefully ignoring any options–they just weren’t appearing in his peripheral.

Mingyu whined, “Just trust me, Cheol. As much as I know you and Jeonghan are totally endgame-”

“I don’t know if that’s-”

“Shut up. At least you could try getting to know someone. Seriously, it’s high school, don’t you think you should be trying things? And people?”

Seungcheol grimaced. “I don’t know how I feel about the term ‘trying people’, but I see what you’re getting at.” 

“Sooo?” Mingyu wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, “You’ll try talking with him?”

It was hard to stop Mingyu when he had his mind set on something, even when it was at Seungcheol’s expense. Especially when it was at Seungcheol’s expense.

“Fine, whatever. Shit goes south, you’re the first one I’m blaming.” Mingyu smacked his shoulder.

Seungcheol does the worst thing he could do in most situations, and listens to Mingyu.

He was given the boy's number on a Sunday, and it took him until Thursday evening to find the gall to actually text him. It was nothing earth-shattering, just an introduction. When the boy, Seungkwan, responded with a few too many text emoticons, Seungcheol found himself dreading the idea of getting to know someone less and less.

They talked about nothing and everything for a few days, Seungkwan eagerly encouraging Seungcheol to follow his Instagram one night. Seungcheol flushed to himself in bed knowing that his hadn’t been touched in over a year and a half; he did the least he could do and updated his profile picture to him and Mingyu on a camping trip from the summer. 

Mingyu was right; he was cute. High, rosy cheeks, bleach blonde hair–none of his pictures were without a sweet smile. 

For a second, Seungcheol foolishly believed he could forget. That is, until he scrolled to a picture with Seungkwan wearing a familiar sweater.

Jeonghan must have the same one.

Seungcheol shut his phone and tossed it to his bedside table, rougher than necessary.

When he closed his eyes, he dreamed of dark, silky hair–nothing like Seungkwan’s.

Seungcheol took a deep breath, in and out, his leg bouncing. He didn’t really know why he was so anxious to tell Jeonghan, he was going to be supportive, without a doubt. Excited for him, even. Maybe that’s why; he was scared to know that Jeonghan would love to see him with someone else. Not that he didn’t already know, but selfishly there was still a part of him…

Before he could spiral any further, Jeonghan came bounding in, a grin splitting his face. Seungcheol didn’t know if that made him feel worse or better.

He slid into his seat, panting the slightest bit, “I have something to tell you, I think you’re gonna be happy for me,” he blurted out.

“Me too, actually,” Jeonghan looked a little caught off-guard, but he urged Seungcheol to go first. It was unusual for him to have any sort of news.

“Okay, um, I’ve been talking to this guy.”

The smile on Jeonghan’s face faltered. Seungcheol’s stomach immediately dropped, and he wished he wasn’t so attuned to Jeonghan’s facial expressions.

Despite that, he smiled again, this time not reaching his eyes, “That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you!” He half-heartedly nudged Seungcheol with his elbow, “See, told ‘ya you could pull.”

“Hah, yeah,” Seungcheol winced, trying to shrug off the sudden, inexplicable feeling that he’s done something wrong. “So, what were you gonna tell me?”

Jeonghan blinked, clearly hesitant, a total one-eighty from his mood before, “Oh, I just… I was going to tell you I finally listened to you.” Seungcheol cocked his head inquisitively, wondering when he’s ever given Jeonghan valuable advice.

“I broke up with my boyfriend.”

♡

The ice had melted, days of frozen snow and chilled bones long gone, the breeze bringing in the fresh smell of a rainy early April. Seungcheol dropped his backpack from his left shoulder as he plopped into a seat by the window, staring out at the overcast sky. 

There were only a couple months of senior year left at this point, and, God, if the senioritis isn't kicking Seungcheol’s ass six ways to Sunday. The only person who might have it worse is Wonwoo, who was continuously hoping there would be a roach infestation or something that would free them from their blue and white themed concrete prison. Unsurprisingly, Mingyu was the one trying his best to convince the other two boys that this is where the fun begins, with the only responsibility being to keep vaguely decent grades and not get arrested. 

The trio had decided on somewhat senseless electives for the second semester, for convenience as well as just to have a class or two with all three of them. So here he was, sitting in his Science Fiction class, waiting for the other two to join him.

Wonwoo strolled in with Mingyu in tow drinking some strange Mountain Dew energy drink, which he allegedly drinks only for the taste.

“You’re a freak for that,” Seungcheol said, “and Mountain Dew tastes like shit.”

Mingyu huffed, “It’s a Kickstart, dumbass, not the same. Plus, caffeine doesn’t do shit when you’ve got ADHD like this.”

“Somebody get this fool some adderall.”

“Oh, okay, Lexapro leprechaun over here knows everything!” Mingyu retorted, rolling his eyes.

Seungcheol’s face contorted wildly, unsure of whether he should be offended or awestruck at the aim accuracy, while Wonwoo keeled over in laughter. 

As it always did, the rest of the period followed in the same suit, to the slight dismay of their teacher. Though, at this point, he couldn’t be bothered to try and command second semester seniors in any fashion.

With the ring of the same old blaring bell signaling the end of the day, Seungcheol shuffled his way out of the room and towards the school’s exit before being reeled back abruptly at the sound of his name.

“Cheollie!” Jeonghan called with a grin.

Oh, yeah. That was a thing now. Cheollie. Seungcheol wasn’t exactly sure how that came to be, but it made its first appearance at some point earlier in the year when Jeonghan had tried getting his attention in the library while they were making up a missed calculus quiz.

“Psst, Seungcheol. Seungcheol. Cheol. Cheollie, hello!” Jeonghan whisper-shouted, waving his hands.

Seungcheol snapped out of his test-induced trance. Usually, he would find it more appealing to rip his own hair out strand by strand rather than cheat, too much of an anxious academic goody two-shoes to even try. However, as with most things, Jeonghan is the exception. And the rule. And the rule-maker. 

“Which question?”

It was a fair trade in his eyes; Seungcheol uses his slightly above average math skills in exchange for possibly being the subject of Jeonghan’s gratitude. Jeonghan holds up seven fingers.

“Limit is 3. Use L’Hôpital’s rule.”

Jeonghan’s eyes crinkled with a smile. “As dependable as ever.”

Seungcheol swore he could feel the hearts popping out of his eyes like some kind of Tom and Jerry sequence. 

Dependable. He depends on me. Jeonghan depends on me. Jeonghan on me. 

Taken aback by his own stream of consciousness, Seungcheol shook his head, trying to physically shake his mind clear of thoughts not pertaining to limits and derivatives. He was an eighteen year-old boy, sue him.

Never will he forget the mouthed thank you and wink that Jeonghan tossed him as they left the library, not in a million years and then some.

At this point in the year, Seungcheol could safely and rationally (see also: not parasocially) consider the two of them to be actual friends; nothing to the likes of Mingyu and Wonwoo, but someone he could call a good friend nonetheless.

“Jeonghan,” Seungcheol acknowledged with a slight tilt of his head, “you need something?”

“Do I have to need something to talk to you?” Jeonghan mirrored Seungcheol’s face. 

Seungcheol’s lovesick heart skipped a beat. “No, no, sorry,” he huffed, suddenly out of breath. “Mingyu is waiting on me to go to the gym, so if you do need something, make it quick.” 

Jeonghan’s cheshire smile widened, a tell-tale sign of his, for lack of a better term, bullshit. “You know me too well! Look, I have an important thing tonight, I’m not gonna have time to finish the calc homework. I did everything except the last question, send it and I’ll buy you a milkshake?” His lips formed a barely noticeable pout, eyes shining with anticipation of, yeah, no problem. 

Seungcheol was a weak, feeble-hearted man. This has been the irrefutable truth for the past five years of his life. 

He was strong in almost every aspect now. Mentally, he had grown mature and stable in ways that made his father proud. Physically, he spent afternoons or disgustingly early mornings at the gym with Mingyu and bulked up quite a bit. Emotionally, he was considerably more secure and in-tune than most guys his age.

But this, this hadn’t budged. The inescapable confinement of his heart in Jeonghan’s dangerously angelic clutches, unbeknownst to the other boy entirely, had not changed one bit.

If anything, he only found himself growing more and more impatient and unwilling to stand idly while other men would fawn and parade Jeonghan like he was something to be won, something to show off. Granted, he was someone to be shown off. The way Seungcheol knew he would, the way these other boys couldn’t.

He sighed dramatically, playing it up for the effect. “Fine. I want that milkshake.”

Jeonghan bowed graciously, looking up at Seungcheol through his loose bangs, “When have I ever not followed through on my deals?”

With that, he straightened out and skipped out the door, not without giving his thanks once again. Seungcheol saluted and followed closely behind, watching where Jeonghan jogged ahead to. His eyes landed on a sleek white BMW with black chrome-plated rims and an obnoxious spoiler decorating the rear. The windows were tinted to a level that was surely not legal, but Seungcheol knew without seeing that it was none other than Jeonghan’s boyfriend driving.

Loser.

The worst part was he was nothing of the sort, at least, not socially. The two had found each other at some graduation party Jeonghan had attended in August for a mutual friend, as Mingyu had recounted the tale to him, ever the social butterfly, with the new suitor being a year or two older. Naturally, Jeonghan was wooed by his plethora of tattoos and “bad boy” demeanor to match. They had been together since, and on the outside made an appealing match. To anyone that wasn’t Seungcheol, that is.

Sure, he had money. He had a loaded credit card to his name, a nice car, friends of the same caliber with picture-perfect partners of their own. Worst of all, he had Jeonghan. But Seungcheol couldn’t think of someone more undeserving. 

He seemed to think showering Jeonghan in gifts, gifts of which there was no sentiment behind, would absolve him of all the patronizing and disrespect, of putting Jeonghan on display for show around an audience and placing his affection second to anything in private.

There was something Seungcheol could never understand. He had watched Jeonghan with a few boyfriends now, with this being the longest lasting relationship, and they all seemed to follow the same suit. Useless, ungrateful bastards. And he couldn’t understand what it was that Jeonghan saw in them, what he didn’t see in himself.

That he deserved someone who would raise the sun in the sky for him, part the clouds if he so wished, worship the ground he walked on.

That he deserved someone like Seungcheol.

Not that Seungcheol thinks he’s the greatest guy to walk this Earth, far from it, but for Jeonghan, he would damn well make sure he was. Because that was what he deserved. Nothing less.

For now, Seungcheol would have to bite his tongue and accept providing a calculus answer here and there if that was how he could have Jeonghan, mean something to Jeonghan. Maybe, just maybe, he would see on his own time that the gawky introvert he saw would scream it from the rooftops, tattoo it on his ribs, saying I love you and meaning it.

♡︎

Sleeve. Sleeve. Up. Flip. Place.

Seungcheol’s hands worked in a rhythm folding each quarter-zip with efficiency born from deep-seated muscle memory.

The outdoor store was empty, not that it ever was bustling, and they were gearing up to close within the half-hour.

“What’s your deal?” Hansol asked from where he was seated behind the counter on a lawn chair.

Seungcheol’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean? I’m just folding shirts.”

Hansol gave him a pointed look. “Exactly. You always stress-fold. Or angry-fold. So what’s the deal.”

Tossing the last sweater on the neat pile, Seungcheol plopped down on a chair adjacent to Hansol’s with a deep sigh. “Would you be surprised if I said Jeonghan?”

Hansol chuckled, clearly not surprised in the slightest, which he stated as much.

“I saw him getting into his boyfriend’s car, that stupid BMW.”

“And so you did what about it exactly?” Hansol questioned.

“Nothing, obviously. Maybe I should steal his catalytic converter and sell it. Then I could get Jeonghan nice gifts too.”

The boy across from him raised his eyebrows, seemingly entertained by Seungcheol’s trials and tribulations. “Extra pathetic today, are we?”

Seungcheol threw a rolled up raincoat at his head, which he dodged with practiced movements. 

“I still don’t get why you don’t just tell him what you think. Maybe he just needs someone to really lay it on him for him to see what he really needs.”

“Totally, and have his boyfriend kick my ass if he finds out,” Seungcheol retorted, fiddling with the mesh cup holder of the chair. “Plus, he would never give me a chance if I told him and he thought it was weird or too much.” 

“He’s not giving you a chance now anyway.”

Ouch.

“Seriously, Cheol, can’t get much worse than now. And your yearning is starting to make me sick to my stomach.” Hansol was right. A reserved boy by nature, he said what he meant and said it with intent. “It’s your senior year. If all else fails, you won’t have to see him ever again after you graduate.”

He sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face. “I guess you’re right. But if everything goes wrong I blame you.”

Hansol smiled, bright teeth on display. “Permission granted. Prom’s in a month by the way!”

♡︎

Out of the corner of his eye, Seungcheol spotted Jeonghan at his desk fiddling with a silver bracelet, antsy.

It’s a nice bracelet. Seungcheol doesn’t want to think too much about where he got it.

He knows it’ll come out, though, when he leans over and asks Jeonghan, “What’s up?”

Seungcheol could almost see a tail puff up when Jeonghan nearly jumped out of his seat. “Huh? Oh, nothing, just toying with my new gift.” His tone was somewhat mocking, and Seungcheol chose to ignore it for the sake of his own sanity. Instead, he reached over to grab Jeonghan’s wrist and see the bracelet for himself, mumbling lemme see . 

He turned Jeonghan’s wrist a few times, shifting the bracelet around to get a good look. “It’s nice.” He wasn’t lying. No compliments to the gift giver, though.

“Pfft, yeah, nice for a price–”

“You don’t wear silver, though.”

Jeonghan blinked. The distance between them seemed closer, the air stuffier, the silence heavy. Did Seungcheol say something wrong? It was true, he had never seen Jeonghan wear silver.

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t. Not really.” His voice was quiet, eyes not leaving Seungcheol. He started to squirm under the intense gaze.

Seungcheol hummed, “Gold would’ve been better.”

Jeonghan pulled his hand back into his lap, looking down, a smile tugging at his lips, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” 

♡︎

A crisp white flower, petals soft and stem lush and green. Seungcheol is twirling it delicately between his fingertips, letting the pistil form a blurred pattern in his eyes. Before him, a figure materializes. The blank space around him morphs into a greenhouse with no end in sight. 

The figure is glowing, a complete silhouette of bright white. The light begins to dim, and the silhouette now has dark eyes, long hair, high cheekbones.

Seungcheol reaches up to tuck the flower behind the figure’s ear, soft hair tickling his fingertips when he brushes it aside.

The figure is smiling at him with curled lips, and all of a sudden Jeonghan is staring back at him, slowly leaning in.

A thunk of knuckles on his head had him popping up like a mole from the lab table. 

“What the hell were you dreaming about?” Seulgi giggled in his ear, out of earshot of the teacher. Seungcheol groaned and rubbed his head, then moved to rub the sleep out of his eyes. “It was Jeonghan, wasn’t it.”

At this, Seungcheol was wide awake. “No, what? I don’t dream about him, that would be-”

“Very plausible. Are we going to continue to try and act like we haven’t been obsessed for who knows how long?” She was looking at him with unamused eyes, stern in her accusations. He could only huff and drop his head on his hand, defeated.

He looked up at the clock, thanking his lucky stars that there was only a minute left of class until lunch, grateful that at least his nap brought him to the end of a boring hour lecture.

“Wanna get lunch?” Seungcheol asked. Seulgi stroked her chin, miming a long beard, before giving him a curt nod. “Chicken?” A more excited nod this time.

With a sort of vicious haste only found in schools when the bell rings for lunch, they packed up their stuff and walked out one of the side door exits. As fate would have it, his classroom-nap dream may have been a premonition. 

Coming from another exit not too far off was the angel in his dreams, Jeonghan. Even in casual jeans and a white sweatshirt, he was utterly breathtaking. At least, to Seungcheol he was.

Seulgi nudged his shoulder and cocked her head in his direction. Seungcheol, knowing exactly what she was implying, shook his head vigorously. Seulgi was a wonderful friend to have because she didn’t quite have it in her to give a fuck about a lot of things, including Seungcheol being an absolute wuss.

“Jeonghan!” Her hand shot up, waving him over once he was looking in their direction. He seemed a bit taken aback, looking around for a second to see if she may have had the wrong person.

“What the hell, Seulgi?! You don’t even know him!” Seungcheol whisper-yelled. She only laughed at his distress.

“Yeah, but you do.”

“Um, hi?” Jeonghan interrupted, now in front of them. In front of Seungcheol, looking like he just dropped straight from heaven to torment him. He noticed the way he was fidgeting with the end of his sweatshirt sleeves, oversized and covering his hands. Seungcheol tried not to imagine him in a sweatshirt of his own.

Seulgi elbowed Seungcheol roughly, bringing him back to reality. “Uh, hey.”

Silence. Jeonghan was looking at him with confusion clear on his face, and Seulgi was glaring at him from his side. But what was he supposed to do? Say something, Cheol, you only talk when you shouldn’t, dammit-

Clearing her throat, Seulgi was the one to break the awkward tension, “We were gonna grab lunch together, wanna come with?” She was bright and all smiles to try and sweeten the appeal, hoping for Seungcheol’s sake more than anything the offer would be accepted.

“Oh, sure, why not?” He shrugged, returning her toothy grin. Seungcheol couldn’t tell if he wanted to never speak to Seulgi again or thank her profusely.

When they reached the second to last booth (the corner was reserved for Mingyu and Wonwoo only, they had made that very clear years ago), Seulgi and Jeonghan slid into opposite sides. When Seungcheol tried sitting next to Seulgi, she promptly shoved him right out to the side, sending him tumbling to the ground.

“You take up too much space with your big arms.” She reasoned, sounding entirely innocent. He could only hope his glare was giving her enough of an idea of the expletives firing off in his head at the moment.

With little choice left, he slid in next to Jeonghan, making sure to leave room for Jesus himself between them. 

“Um, you can move in a little more, you know,” Jeonghan said hesitantly.

Seungcheol waved him off, faking nonchalance. “I’m good here.”

“You’re hanging off the edge, Seungcheol.”

He looked down at his left leg only halfway on the seat of the booth and clicked his tongue before shifting closer. He overestimated the distance, pushing himself far enough that his thigh was grazing Jeonghan’s. Seungcheol tried not to tense himself up, but he felt Jeonghan stiffen beside him and mumbled an apology while he separated them again. 

“Sorry if this was so sudden and weird, but I just wanted to meet Seungcheol’s fourth friend!”

Seungcheol winced at the backhanded statement. She meant well, probably. 

“Four is a good number,” Jeonghan responded, nodding sincerely, “lucky number four.”

Seulgi seemed pleased with his response, as if he had passed some kind of litmus test in her mind. “You know, my Seungcheollie here tells me you’re a calculus thief!”

Did she mean well? Probably, hopefully. Maybe she had some kind of mastermind plot cooking in her head. Or maybe she was trying to get Seungcheol annoyed enough that he kicked her out and it was the two of them alone.

Jeonghan flushed at the accusation, chuckling awkwardly. Seungcheol could tell he was a bit embarrassed and wanted nothing more than to tell him that he was extremely willing to do all of his homework for him for the rest of his life. 

“I guess, yeah. He’s a lot better than I am.”

It was Seungcheol’s turn to flush. He was nothing if not a diligent student, and Jeonghan acknowledging his intelligence unfortunately made him sweat a bit. Nerd.

Seulgi perked up, “Oh, well he could totally tutor you, y’know.”

Seungcheol was an incredibly patient guy, but right now he was seriously trying to explode the girl with his mind.

“Really? I mean, I’m sure he’s busy with his own stuff,” Jeonghan turned to look at him, “I wouldn’t want to be a bother.”

“Oh, stop, he’ll totally do it. Plus, he’s a real sweet teacher,” She topped it off with a wink in Jeonghan’s direction.

Jeonghan hid his face behind a sweater-covered hand, trying to hold in his giggles, amused by the way Seungcheol was glowering at Seulgi. 

“Would you?”

Seungcheol whipped his head back to Jeonghan. What a stupid question. Jeonghan could ask Seungcheol that question in regards to almost anything and the answer would have to be yes.

“Yeah, obviously,” Seungcheol gulped, not intending to be so eager and willing, but it seems to be far more than a lost cause at this point. Jeonghan nodded, and if Seungcheol tried hard enough he could see a small smile playing at his lips from the side.

Seungcheol ducked his head and twiddled his hands to try and hide his own.

♡︎

The last place any teenager wants to be on a Friday night is closing at their minimum wage retail job, but unfortunately for Seungcheol, it wasn’t much of a choice. Just think about the paycheck. He needed to save for a better headset, anyway.

His only solace was that it was never insanely busy. It wasn’t like anyone was really rushing to grab outdoor gear at any point, except maybe the pre-father’s day camping trip rush (if you can even call it a rush).

Mindlessly, he leaned over the register counter, drawing shitty doodles on a stack of post-its while Hansol was fixing up some displays by the entrance. Seungcheol heard the door of the entrance swing open, and a light squeak of shoes on the tile floor. Hansol did his usual spiel, greeting them and asking if they needed help finding anything. 

“Actually, yeah, I was wondering if you guys had, like, climbing stuff?”

Seungcheol’s head shot up, spine going straight and rigid at the familiar voice. 

His head turned to the left, where the climbing gear was on a display right next to him. There was a split second where Seungcheol thought this was a nice moment, just a good friend visiting at work and Seungcheol helping them find what they needed. Naturally, that faded very quickly, replaced by sheer panic and the sudden need to look cool. In a disgustingly bright green shirt, cargo pants and a matching vest. And a stupid squirrel keychain hanging off the carabiner on his belt loop.

“Oh, yeah, follow me,” Seungcheol leaned with his palms flat on the counter, head down, pretending like he was occupied by an incredibly enrapturing speck of dust on the register. “Actually, Seungcheol probably knows better than I do, he can help you.”

“Seung-?”

When he looked up, Jeonghan was already looking at him with wide eyes. 

“Hi,” Seungcheol tapped his fingers on the counter, “so, what can I help you with?”

Jeonghan blinked. “I didn’t know you worked here. Well, I remember you telling me, I just didn’t know it was this store.”

Seungcheol winced and rubbed the back of his neck, “Sorry?”

Jeonghan’s eyebrows furrowed, his eyes returning to their regular size. “Don’t be sorry. I do need your help though. I need to get a gift, I think a new pair of shoes.” Seungcheol tilted his head to signal Jeonghan to follow him. “What’s the best one?”

“What’s the budget? Not exactly a cheap present.” 

“No budget. If it’s expensive he’ll like it even more,” Jeonghan chuckled, and Seungcheol connected the dots. He takes a deep breath. He’s just helping a friend pick out a gift for his boyfriend’s birthday.

“Birthday?”

“Anniversary.”

For him and his boyfriend’s anniversary. God, he felt like a cuck.

It hasn’t even been a year. What the hell kind of anniversary was this? And $200 shoes for a meaningless anniversary? It was ridiculous, who even needs shoes this good? Surely this guy isn’t doing crazy outdoor bouldering, probably built like the fucking Apple Jacks cinnamon dude-

“Seungcheol?”

Seungcheol snapped out of it, turning to Jeonghan, and wordlessly handed him the shoes. He walked back over to the register and hoped Jeonghan would just follow him and say nothing more about it.

It’s quiet while he’s checking him out, and out of the corner of his eye, Seungcheol sees Hansol with his head in his hands leaning against a wall.

“So,” Jeonghan cleared his throat, “about that calc tutoring offer?”

Seungcheol’s hands fumbled with the buttons on the register and almost charged Jeonghan twenty grand.

“Yeah? What about it?”

Jeonghan bit his lip and looked at him pleadingly, and Seungcheol felt like his hideous green shirt had gotten a size smaller. 

“Can I take you up on that?”

Maybe the universe did love Seungcheol. Or really, really, hated him. He’ll figure that out later.

“For sure, yeah,” Seungcheol shifted on his feet, and, fuck’s sake, can Jeonghan stop looking at him like that? “When- where do you-?”

“I don’t really mind, we could go to the library-”

“You could come over.” Seungcheol blurted out. Hansol was looking at him with his jaw on the floor.

Jeonghan thought for a minute. “Actually, that might be better. Just text me your address, and I can come over Tuesday after school, maybe?”

Hansol was holding up a W with his hands and silently shouting LET’S GO!

Seungcheol nodded, mentally patting himself on the back for acting chill about it. “See you then.”

Jeonghan smiled and waved, taking the bag in his hand, “Bye, Cheollie, thanks for the help!” He turned over his shoulder as he was walking out:

“Cute squirrel by the way!”

♡︎

You can do this, Seungcheol. You’re the man. You’re the man.

Seungcheol bounced on his heels in the mirror, shaking the anxiety out of his hands and amping himself up with an exercise he found on WikiHow fifteen minutes ago.

Jeonghan was coming over. Jeonghan was coming to Seungcheol’s house, so Seungcheol could tutor him. A wave of nausea washed over Seungcheol and he gripped the edge of his sink for dear life. What if he forgot how to do calculus? What if every test grade he got so far was actually just a figment of his imagination? Or worse, they were actually Jeonghan’s tests and this was a months-long plotted humiliation ritual for Jeonghan to show Seungcheol up at his own tutoring session?

Snap out of it. You’re fine. Seungcheol splashed his face with cold water. Not like anything was going to come of this, Jeonghan was still dating another guy. 

The thought was a heavy reminder that brought him back to a pathetic reality.

Right on time, the doorbell rings. Seungcheol nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound and sprinted downstairs. He collected himself before the front door, breathing in and out to hide the way he was sort of out of breath from running. When he swung the door open, Jeonghan was standing there in all his glory, oversized sweater and all. Seungcheol’s lexapro was working in overdrive.

“Hi,” Jeonghan greeted, watching Seungcheol wipe his damp palms on his sweatpants.

“Hey, you can come in,” Seungcheol somewhat choked out, because he was now letting Jeonghan into his home.

Jeonghan stood awkwardly for a moment, “Umm…”

Oh. Seungcheol was completely blocking the doorway. He rushed aside, gesturing for Jeonghan to come inside, who laughed at his incompetence on the way.

“You can just follow me, we’ll go up to my room.”

“Your room?”

Seungcheol froze. “No, I mean, do you want to go somewhere else?”

Jeonghan burst out laughing, “God, Seungcheol, I just didn’t hear you clearly. Lead the way!”

Feeling his heart rate quickly drop down to something healthy, Seungcheol turned around and led Jeonghan to his bedroom. The thoughts that followed made Seungcheol sweat, so he did his best to push that aside.

Deciding to get comfortable immediately, Jeonghan flopped onto Seungcheol’s bed face-down with a grunt. 

Seungcheol snorted, “Wow, you look like you really belong there.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Seungcheol choked on air, subconsciously trying to eat his words.

“I belong on your bed?” Jeonghan asked. A trap question of sorts, really.

“No. Not like that,” Seungcheol paused. “Don’t make it weird.”

“I’m not making it weird, you're making it weird.”

“Nuh uh, you took it weird.”

“You said weird!”

“You just look comfy!”

“Yeah, on your bed!”

“Who told you to get on it?”

Jeonghan scoffed, his voice high and offended, “I’m not sure what you’re implying.”

“Nothing! You got real comfy on my bed, though.”

A blush started to rise on Jeonghan’s cheeks. 

“I have a boyfriend.” 

Seungcheol rolled his eyes. “Right. Can he tutor you?”

Jeonghan grabbed a pillow from the bed and chucked it at Seungcheol, who dodged easily with great practice from Hansol’s antics.

“Not an answer~” Seungcheol didn’t really know why he was being so annoying about it. Well, he did know, he just didn’t know why this time he couldn’t help himself. Maybe it was seeing Jeonghan on his bed. Maybe it was the thought that he could see this all the time if they were together. 

“No, he can’t,” Jeonghan grumbled.

A satisfied smirk grew on Seungcheol’s face, “So then let’s get started.” He grabbed his backpack and threw a textbook and notebook on the bed, sitting with a leg folded under his knee.

“You’re bossy,” Jeonghan said under his breath, face hidden behind his curtain of dark hair, “never seen that side of you.”

“Uh, yeah, sorry, I can get like that,” Seungcheol scratched the back of his neck, “Seulgi told me I’m a Leo, so that’s a thing.”

Jeonghan looked up at Seungcheol from where he was laying on his stomach next to him, and, oh no, Seungcheol’s collar was sticking to his neck now. As discreetly as possible, he pulled at his t-shirt to vent the sudden rush of heat.

“S’fine, it’s just- interesting.”

“Interesting,” Seungcheol repeated. Jeonghan nodded, and Seungcheol looked away to hide the smile threatening to break through. A win is a win.

Seungcheol might have been in his bedroom with his forever crush, but if there was one thing he took more seriously than pining after Jeonghan, it was academics. A friend asked him for help in math, and he was not going to let them down.

They studied for about an hour and a half before Jeonghan started to whine uncontrollably.

“ Seungcheol, my brain hurts! ” he wailed.

They were laying on their stomachs side-by-side now. Seungcheol didn’t know how he got into that position, it was really his least favorite. “Just one more problem!”

“Ugh, I don’t wanna do one more problem!” Jeonghan was laughing through his moaning and groaning, and Seungcheol couldn’t help but laugh too.

“It’s just one, it's fine! Look, I’ll give you an easy one—OW!” Seungcheol was interrupted by a pillow to the upside of his head. “Jeonghan, what the hell!”

Jeonghan giggled something evil, and Seungcheol’s heart fluttered. That has to be something psychologically wrong, but Seungcheol has long far passed the parameters of what’s okay to be attracted to in your crush.

He tried to grab the pillow from Jeonghan, but he was too nimble. They were like cat and mouse, Seungcheol’s hands shooting out over and over to try and catch Jeonghan’s until—

Curse his competitive nature. 

Seungcheol leaned up onto his knees and captured Jeonghan’s wrists in both his hands, pinning them on either side of his head. Jeonghan looked up at him, breathless, lips parted in a silent gasp, hair messy, eyes shining with something he couldn’t name.

The silence between them was piercing, blood pounding in Seungcheol’s ears. 

“We should get up.”

“We should get up.”

“You should probably go home.”

“I should probably go home.”

Neither made a move to get up. They wouldn’t dare move a single inch. They were stuck for who knows how long, locked in place, eye-to-eye, until Seungcheol finally shook himself out of it when Jeonghan caught his bottom lip between his teeth.

He got up, and—with a little more strength than necessary—pulled Jeonghan up with him. Seungcheol watched the other gather his things wordlessly, but it wasn’t awkward, strangely enough. Something had shifted, but it wasn’t like there was anything either of them could do about it. So Seungcheol just showed him to the door.

He called out at Jeonghan as he walked to his car parked in the street, “You still owe me that smoothie!”

Jeonghan flipped him off.

♡︎

A loud thunk signaled the slam of a plastic cup in front of Seungcheol, a proud Jeonghan plopping himself across the little table in the school’s courtyard.

“I told you, I always follow through,” Jeonghan said, puffing his chest and giving his hair a flick.

Seungcheol couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of him at the spectacle, taking the milkshake and giving a small toast towards the other boy.

Jeonghan’s hair was gathered up in a little ponytail at the nape of his neck, bangs fluttering in the early spring breeze. The sun highlighted the warm undertones, giving the appearance of discreet highlights in his natural tone. His eyes sparkled in their dark beauty, squinted ever so slightly from the beaming rays. Seungcheol subconsciously reached a hand up to rub over his chest where his heart stuttered, unable to bear the intensity of Jeonghan’s stare, much less his undivided attention.

“How come you’re outside anyway? I didn’t even know how to get to the courtyard,” Jeonghan huffed. “I had to ask some random underclassman which door it was. How humiliating, a senior having to ask for directions.” He crossed his arms in irritation.

Cute.

“It’s the first vaguely nice day, I need to enjoy it before it’s back to rainy April,” Seungcheol explained, gently shutting the book he was reading and tucking it into his bag, focus zeroed in on the sight before him, “and you could’ve just texted me again for directions.”

Jeonghan planted his chin on his hand, the other hand coming to rest in the crook of his elbow, fixing himself with a dizzying grace that had Seungcheol swooning. His eyes fluttered closed, and Seungcheol was mesmerized by the delicate shadows his lashes cast on his high cheekbones, softly flushed from the cool wind. A silence stretched out for a moment, a moment that Seungcheol didn’t want to end.

“I should probably go, I told Minhyuk we could get coffee during my free period,”

Mustering all the self control and willpower he possessed, Seungcheol did his best to hide any ounce of loathing that would make itself known on his face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

So much for that.

“Like what?” Seungcheol shifted in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable with the way Jeonghan’s eyes were locked in on his expression, which he hoped was now entirely neutral and unaffected.

“Like, pissed off? I don’t know, I asked you first!”

“Sorry, I just zoned out a little.” Seungcheol halted, letting the pair fall silent, while he recounted his conversation with Hansol days prior. “Is he… how are things with you guys now?”

Seemingly taken aback by the question, Jeonghan floundered for a second, as if deciding whether this was a genuine inquiry or a pretense of formality. “Um, fine, I think? I mean, good, it’s good, really. He’s great to me when we are alone, seriously,” He rambled, ending with an awkwardly placed chuckle in an attempt to soften the blow of his covert admission.

Seungcheol leaned back in the wooden slat chair and let his hands fall to his lap, looking down at where his fingers toyed with the tie of his sweatpants. Hansol was right; he wasn’t giving him a chance anyway, at least not until Seungcheol showed him he should. “It shouldn’t just be when you’re alone, you know. You should know you deserve better than that.”

Seungcheol dared to look up, meeting Jeonghan’s gaze, almost missing the way his lips were imperceptibly parted. If he didn’t know better, he’d say there was a muted blush dusting his cheeks, but he pushed it aside as just being from the chill.

The other boy breathed out a mild laugh after a prolonged silence, before shaking his head and looking somewhere far off to the side. “I’m getting deja vu. Sophomore year, right? Soccer field?”

This time, it was Seungcheol who was rendered speechless.

“I… should go. He’s probably waiting for me. Enjoy the milkshake, Cheol, and thanks for your help.” Jeonghan rose from his seat and tucked his hands into his jacket pocket, looking like he had something else to say before scrapping it and settling for a quick scrunch of his face as a goodbye, and the same disarming smile.

Unable to make his muscles move, Seungcheol’s eyes trailed behind Jeonghan as he walked away. 

Seungcheol felt as though he had crossed a line. But, for some reason unidentifiable to him, he couldn’t find it in him to feel guilty. Not when Jeonghan had looked at him like that.

♡︎

The smell of weed and strawberry kiwi Puff Bar was intermingling with the general odor of sweaty bodies and spilled liquor to create a vaguely revolting concoction. Mingyu had roped Seungcheol and Wonwoo into coming to a party with him, using the same excuse of, “We’re seniors, c’mon!” Somehow, this reasoning was foolproof every time he used it, like when he had dragged them to a Homecoming after-party earlier in the year, which ended in an absolutely hammered Wonwoo crying in the car home while singing to When We Were Young by Adele.

This time, there was no particular occasion, some rich girl’s birthday party with a house to fit more people than necessary, except for events like this.

Seungcheol found himself in the backyard, one of the less crowded sectors, sat in a wooden chair next to Wonwoo while they watched Mingyu do a keg stand with a mix of pride and disgust.

“Ugh, pass me your cart, this is a lot for me,” Seungcheol groaned, reaching a hand out for Wonwoo to place the pen in his hand. “Where did you get this anyway?”

“Gas station.”

Seungcheol froze with the cart up to his lips, promptly handing it back to Wonwoo without another word.

It wasn’t that Seungcheol never went to parties, nor did he particularly despise them or feel that he was out-of-place. It just didn’t exactly appeal to him to be in forced proximity with far more people than he really cared for, so they were scarcely part of his weekend plans. But, like Mingyu said, it was spring of their senior year, and it wouldn’t hurt to get out there while he still could.

Taking another drink of his cheap, shitty, canned beer that he had grabbed from a stained foldable table in the garage, his eyes drifted to a certain brunette boy. His hair was set in a half-up half-down style, and he was animatedly explaining something to two other boys, one of which he recognized as his best friend, Joshua. The tips of his ears were glowing with a tipsy flush, little giggles escaping between his words as he prattled on about something unknown to Seungcheol, who desperately wished to be on the receiving end.

At some point in his trance, Wonwoo had run off to use the bathroom, and Mingyu had parked himself in front of Seungcheol with his arms crossed.

“You gonna do something tonight or just stare like some kind of perv?”

Seungcheol wiped his hands of the condensation from his beer can on his pants and muttered, “I’m not a perv.”

“It was a rhetorical question. Because you are doing something. Shua!” Mingyu cupped his hands and hollered across the backyard in the direction of exactly where Jeonghan stood, who was now facing right at Seungcheol. Joshua had perked up at Mingyu’s yell, and, hold on, Shua? 

Joshua grinned at the sight of the boy who called his name, and turned back quickly to grab Jeonghan’s hand before dragging him along behind him as he headed over to where Seungcheol was seated.

“Mingyu! How come you didn’t talk to me earlier?” Joshua said with his head cocked to one side.

Mingyu blushed, and no shot, Mingyu blushed, what is going on?  “You were always talking to someone, I didn’t get a chance until now.”

Jeonghan held his arms out in indignance, “Hello? Do I not count as someone?”

“You count as someone I can at least pass off to someone else while I take Shua,” he directed his attention back to Seungcheol, who immediately stiffened in his seat. “You guys are friends, figure it out. Have fun!” He signaled for Joshua to follow him, who followed him with a quick wave to the other two.

Seungcheol was definitely going to ask about this later.

“So, tell me,” Jeonghan had perched himself strangely on the chair next to Seungcheol, squatting on the seat with his upper body leaned over the armrest and just barely invading Seungcheol’s space, “how come I never see you at any of these?”

Seungcheol shrugged, “Just have other places I would rather be. Nothing much else to it.” Jeonghan hummed in understanding, eyes still on Seungcheol. Their last interaction replayed in his head and he cleared his throat before continuing, “Look, Jeonghan, sorry about what I said the other day. Not my business, and, yeah.” 

Jeonghan looked down and absentmindedly picked at the chipping paint of the forest green chair.

“Did you mean it, though?”

It felt like a trap, a trick question. Like there was no right, no safe answer that would absolve him of consequences. A cop-out or confession was all he could do.

“No, I don’t know. You seem happy, so I think he’s good for you, if that’s what you say.” Seungcheol’s tongue tasted bitter from the lies, pungent and foul as he felt their poison settle between his teeth.

A cop-out it was.

Jeonghan nodded slowly with his lips tightened in a stiff smile, shifting his eyes from Seungcheol. “I’m gonna run inside and grab another drink. I’ll be back, probably.”

Seungcheol, unsure of why Jeonghan seemed slightly put off by his answer, simply gave him an OK, and watched him disappear into the mansion.

After a near thirty minute eternity, Seungcheol felt the need to seek out Jeonghan, a mix of nervousness and a longing for his company, yearning spurred on by the influence of alcohol.

He made his way through the maze of a house, where he met with Wonwoo, who had made himself at home in a smoke circle with Junhui, who he knew from their Science Fiction class.

Despite walking through what felt like a hundred rooms, damn this maze of a house, Jeonghan was nowhere to be found. Seungcheol picked up his pace towards the corner of the first floor, where he was thwarted by a crowd formed in one of the dining rooms. Whistles and cheers flitted through the air over the blaring music. 

“Shake it, Jeonghan!”

The blood rushed through Seungcheol’s ears, his brain blurring out all noise, and he wormed his way to the front of the crowd, where he was met with the sight of an evidently very drunk Jeonghan dancing on top of a table; arms swinging, eyes closed, hair loosened from its previous hold, hips swaying.

Holy shit.

To say Seungcheol was captivated would be an understatement: he was absolutely spellbound, and wildly attracted to Jeonghan at this moment. The way he moved, the way everyone’s eyes were on him, the way he was the star of a show he put on himself.

The starstruck admiration was cut short when Jeonghan threw his head back and smacked it directly on the chandelier hanging above the table, stumbling back towards the edge while clutching the place of impact. Seungcheol’s feet moved before his brain, arms stretching out to catch Jeonghan’s fall, bracing him below the knees and his back.

The boy went slack in his arms, rubbing where he hit his head and groaning in pain. “Ugh, Cheollie, my head hurts,” he whined.

Seungcheol’s heart squeezed, his lungs suddenly constricting when he processed their current position and predicament. He carried Jeonghan bridal style out to the front yard where he sat him on a swing hanging from a tree, kneeling in front of him and struggling to keep his limp body up. “Christ, Jeonghan, how much did you have to drink?”

Jeonghan’s head lolled to one side against the rope of the swing, slurring out his words, “I don’t know, had some shots.” Seungcheol caught him before he leaned himself forward off the swing entirely. “Woah, when did this happen?” Jeonghan muttered while bracing himself on Seungcheol’s chest. 

Seungcheol prayed that he couldn’t feel the way his heart was hammering, trying to break down his ribcage and lay itself bare at Jeonghan's feet.

“Past year, gym. Who’s taking you home?”

“My boyfriend is coming to get me,” Jeonghan looked down at Seungcheol through heavy, lidded eyes. “Wait with me?”

As much as Seungcheol detested the idea of being in close proximity of the two of them together, those feelings were swamped by his concern for Jeonghan’s wellbeing. 

He breathed out yeah, sure, and waited for some time, ensuring Jeonghan wasn’t going to end up on the floor or unconscious, or both.

“What about this?” Jeonghan mumbled quietly, not meeting his eyes. Seungcheol furrowed his brows in confusion. “Do I deserve this?”

Time slowed. The wind rattled through the leaves canopied above their heads, the music bumping and general commotion from the house dropping to nearly silent in this moment. He’s just drunk. 

“How come you always help me?”

Seungcheol’s mouth suddenly went dry, filled with sand and salt and the sediments of words he never said. Nothing was coming out. Nothing he could say without the alcohol working as an unwanted truth serum, at least.

“Because you deserve it.”

He’ll forget.

Seungcheol, if for just a fleeting moment, selfishly found himself wanting this to remain in his memory. Not that he would complain about reminding him either way.

It wasn’t until a familiar white car pulled up on the road in front of them that Seungcheol fully felt the weight of Jeonghan leaning onto his shoulder for support.

A man sporting a tight black short-sleeve, showing off his heavily tattooed arms, stepped out of the driver’s seat, making his way towards his intoxicated boyfriend, with an expression of subtle disapproval shot in Seungcheol’s direction.

“Minhyuk!” Jeonghan lifted himself up, reaching his arms up towards his boyfriend, who gathered the boy close to him, slinging an arm around his shoulders. Seungcheol felt his gut twist in jealousy. “Cheollie took care of me, don’t worry.”

Minhyuk’s eyes narrowed as he eyed Seungcheol. “Cheollie?” 

Seungcheol pushed himself off the ground where he was sitting in front of Jeonghan, rising to Minhyuk’s height. Their frames weren’t much too different, though Seungcheol was significantly sturdier, while Minhyuk stood quite a bit taller. He raised a hand as a sort of greeting, pointing himself out as the Cheollie in question, and getting no sign of acknowledgement in return. 

Asshole.

“Let’s go, Hannie,” he hoisted Jeonghan up, readying him to walk to the parked vehicle, “please don’t throw up in my car.”

Seungcheol huffed to himself, “That’s what you’re worried about?”

“I’m sorry?” 

Uh oh.

“Huh?” Play dumb, Cheol. Gaslight him. You said nothing.

“I heard that, dipshit. Stay out of it,” Minhyuk spat. “My boyfriend, not yours.”

Well, shit.

Seungcheol tried to act like his every nerve wasn’t aflame, with jealousy, seething anger, he couldn’t even distinguish it at this point.

“Hey,” Jeonghan interjected with a pout, “don’t be mean to Cheollie, he’s my friend.”

“Oh, does he know that?” Minhyuk looked him up and down, sizing him up, before glaring daggers into his eyes, which Seungcheol hoped he was returning with twice as much venom. 

He huffed out an irritated laugh before shaking his head and hauling Jeonghan back to his car, and Seungcheol heard a warning thrown towards Jeonghan to “stay away from that fucker.”

Seungcheol turned on his heels and strode through the house with more haste than was necessary, on a mission to find his two friends and get the hell out of here as soon as he could.

He located Wonwoo in the same smoke circle as before, who quickly got up and matched his pace without another word. It was moments like these where Seungcheol was eternally grateful for the bond they had fostered after so many years of friendship. The two of them found Mingyu on the couch in one of the living rooms, Joshua leaned deeply into his space, whom Mingyu profusely apologized to at the sudden disruption, promising he would text. Despite that, he joined them and seemed to understand just as well.

The three of them somehow managed to stumble back to Mingyu’s house a couple blocks down, marching in a sort of discombobulated frenzy fueled by the influence of one two many beers, a poorly rolled joint, and the fervent ire that currently bubbled through Seungcheol’s veins, burning his skin and incinerating his bones.

It was exceedingly melodramatic: Seungcheol leading their exit from the party, getting ready for bed in a sort of somber silence, and finally flopping onto the mattress on the floor next to Mingyu’s bed.

“So…” Mingyu started, looking down at Seungcheol from his bed. “Are you gonna tell us what happened?”

Seungcheol picked at a loose thread on the old duvet laid across his chest, trying to gather himself enough to calmly retell the sequence of events.

And so, he explained the whole ordeal without leaving a single detail out, right down to the vocal inflection of every word exchanged.

From his place on the excessively large bean bag in Mingyu’s room, Wonwoo lifted his head, mouth opening and closing, unsure of how to respond. “Cheol, I’m sorry…”

Seungcheol covered his face with his pillow and muffled a yell. “It’s over guys, it’s never gonna happen, and now he probably hates me and his boyfriend totally wants me dead.”

Mingyu winced, “Well he definitely doesn’t hate you! But the boyfriend thing is probably, definitely true.”

“Gyu!” Wonwoo scolded.

“Sorry!”

Still tipsy, Seungcheol tried rubbing his eyes to ease the spins slowly creeping in. “How am I supposed to pretend I don’t hate this dude’s guts now?” The thought of Jeonghan ever bringing up his boyfriend, even worse seeing them together, made Seungcheol’s stomach churn. “Seriously, I think that was it you guys.” His voice was barely above a whisper, a pathetic attempt at trying to hide the shakiness in his words.

“Cheol, c’mon, it’s not…” Mingyu trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words, unable to find the right thing to say at this moment. How do you tell your best friend that the past five years of his life that he’s spent pining after the boy of his dreams came crumbling down in just one night? 

Truthfully, there’s no one Seungcheol can blame, nobody but himself. What kind of person lets themself be in love for so long when they should’ve known from the start it was never meant to be?

A fool does, that’s who. And that’s exactly what Seungcheol is. A big, whiny, pathetic, pining fool. 

Turning over to curl up on his side, burying himself in the thick, gray duvet, Seungcheol lets the exhaustion overwhelm him in waves, each one bringing him deeper into dreams of dark brown eyes, high cheekbones, scrunched eyes, and thin hands on his chest.

♡︎

Seungcheol slammed his notebook shut at the sound of the blaring bell, eager to get the hell out of here. As if he wasn’t always. 

The sentiment had only grown greatly since last weekend. Seungcheol hadn’t even seen Jeonghan once since that night.

Correction needed. Seungcheol had actively done everything in his power to avoid Jeonghan at all costs. 

It wasn’t too difficult, considering they only shared one class. Seungcheol would slip in at the last moment before class began, and rushed out as soon as he could when the bell rang. He would even go so far as to choose different routes to his next class everyday, just in case Jeonghan tried following him.

Was it excessive? Yes, yes absolutely. But there was simply no way Seungcheol could bring himself to come face to face with the other boy, much less have a conversation, especially about the party. Not at least for a few weeks, when he could safely say he’s over Jeonghan.

How awfully ambitious of him.

But Jeonghan seemed to have more ambition, though his goals were clearly not aligned with Seungcheol’s.

Just as he was about to round the corner into some empty hallway, he felt a tug on his bag, yanking him backward. He whipped his head around to be met with Jeonghan’s eyes boring into him, a look that he hasn’t ever been on the receiving end of; he couldn’t quite tell if he was scared or attracted to it. A little bit of both, maybe.

“You’re avoiding me,” He said, very matter-of-factly.

Seungcheol’s mouth opened, but nothing came out. He closed it and looked down, hanging his head with a bit of shame. 

“Why?”

At this, Seungcheol can’t help the chuckle that bubbled out of him. There was only so much he could take before it all just became so laughable. 

“You’re seriously asking me that?” Seungcheol can’t help the way his fingers started to twitch anxiously at his side, not liking the way he’s directing any sort of frustration towards Jeonghan. “Look, Jeonghan, I- I think it would be in my best interest to just… stay away, maybe- maybe your best interest, too.” 

Jeonghan’s brows furrowed, a pout making its way onto his lips, and Seungcheol’s defenses crumbled again. He wants nothing more than to kiss between his brows, kiss his pout away. “According to who?”

Seungcheol smiled, a sour mix of sarcasm and sadness. “Your boyfriend? Didn’t you hear him?” He puffed out his chest, putting on an exaggerated angry face and speaking in a mocking sort of tone; “Grr, stay away from that fucker! Let’s drive away in my stupid BMW with a spoiler that isn’t even the same shade of white and I think nobody is gonna notice because I’m an idiot who doesn’t notice anything except how cool I look all the time!” 

Too much. Definitely too much. 

Seungcheol paused, frozen in his position, risking a glance at Jeonghan who was staring at him with wide-eyes, blinking, lips parted. 

Deciding that he does not want to deal with the aftermath of whatever he just said, Seungcheol turned on his heels, hoping he could just escape the situation.

“Seungcheol, wait-” Jeonghan rushed in front of him, putting both hands on his shoulders to stop him. “I wanted to talk to you about… that. I wanted to apologize, I don’t know why he- he had no right- whatever, I’m just sorry. I’m really sorry.” Jeonghan bit his lip, and it clicked in Seungcheol’s head that he was nervous. He was nervous because he wanted Seungcheol to forgive him, to not resent him. 

He almost laughed out loud this time. How silly of him to ever think that Seungcheol could feel anything less than enchanted by him entirely. How unforgivable that Seungcheol could do anything to make him think that.

“Jeonghan, it’s okay, seriously, it’s not your fault,” Seungcheol didn’t really know what to do with his hands, suddenly hyper aware of Jeonghan’s hands on him, face close to his.

“I should’ve said something, I don’t know,” He nibbled at his lip again, and Seungcheol tried his hardest to not make it obvious that he’s staring. “You think you can forgive me?” 

The way he says it is so sincere that Seungcheol hates himself for ignoring him for the past week. “Jeonghan, obviously I’m not mad at you, I could never be.” He sucked in a breath at the unintentional confession, hoping Jeonghan wouldn’t catch it. 

Jeonghan’s hands dropped from Seungcheol’s shoulders, leaving a heavy lingering imprint on his flesh despite the light touch. His lips are curled up again in his signature smile and Seungcheol has to put in effort to not visibly swoon. 

Jeonghan was rocking back and forth on his heels now, hands locked behind his back. “Okay, well, I’ll let you get to class then.”

“Oh, I, um, I have a free period.”

He does not. 

Seungcheol supposed his science fiction teacher won’t care, and makes a note to text his friends to cover for him somehow. If this works, of course.

Jeonghan smacked him playfully in the shoulder. “You were running away from me and you didn’t even have a class!”

It takes a moment to sink in that he noticed. That he felt Seungcheol’s absence. He hates the glimmer of hope that bloomed in his chest.

“You… you noticed that?” Seungcheol asked timidly.

Jeonghan looked mildly offended, but played it off with a laugh. “Uh, yeah? It was kind of obvious. I would notice if my friend was ignoring me.” Seungcheol hummed in understanding, not realizing that they had fallen into step together. “C’mon, let’s go to the caf and get smoothies?”

“And then?”

“And then the courtyard! It’s nice out!” Jeonghan was looking at Seungcheol with a glint in his eyes that made his heart burn, and he resisted the urge to reach a hand up and rub at the left side of his chest.

“You’re paying.”

Jeonghan scoffed and rolled his eyes, but Seungcheol didn't miss the way his lips twitched up.

“Good idea,” Seungcheol slurped down his smoothie a little too fast, wincing at the icy burn in his throat, “it’s so nice out.” The air was cool, but the sun in the clear sky was a blanket of warmth over the two of them. There was a whisper of a breeze, just enough to push the wisps of Jeonghan’s bangs around his eyes.

“I know, right? May is almost here,” Jeonghan looked up at the sky and closed his eyes, taking in the rays. 

“Are you photosynthesizing or something?” Instantly, Jeonghan’s moment of peace was shattered with a choked out laugh.

“Shut up, so what if I am?”

Seungcheol raised an eyebrow. “You’re a flower?”

Evidently, it would kill Seungcheol to think just a little bit before he speaks.

“Not- I didn’t mean- just ‘cause flowers do the whole, you know, ” Seungcheol waved a hand around awkwardly, “photosynthesizing… shtick.”

Jeonghan was silent, sitting and blinking for a second, before he burst out laughing. His real laugh, too. The one that makes him crumple over, makes his eyes crinkle completely, nearly silent, almost nothing coming out of his mouth other than the occasional squeak.

A blushing Seungcheol pouted, looking away from Jeonghan laughing right at him, right in his face.

“Sorry, sorry,” Jeonghan squeezed out. “Just, you’re funny. I never know what you’re gonna say, really.”

Seungcheol just hummed in agreement. He’s startled by Jeonghan gasping, remembering something clearly important. “Seungcheol!” He reached across the round picnic table, arms completely extended, but still not enough to reach Seungcheol, making him look like a cat stretching against the tabletop. “It’s almost May! That means it’s almost prom!”

Ah, how could he have forgotten? 

Very easily, actually. He sort of forgot about it entirely as soon as he knew he wouldn’t be asking Jeonghan. He tried to play it off like it just slipped his memory out of nowhere.

“Oh, is it? I totally forgot.”

Jeonghan’s jaw dropped. “How?! It’s all I’ve been thinking about, I seriously can’t wait.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m going with anyone, so, not exactly first on my priority list.” Seungcheol looked up to see the indiscernible look Jeonghan is giving him and realized how much of a self-pitying dipshit he sounded like, quickly amending his statement. “B-but, I mean, I’m going with my friends, obviously, so it’s cool, I’m excited too.”

Jeonghan was still looking at him in a way he couldn't quite figure out, but he brushed it off. “So your buddy, Mingyu?”

“What about him?” Seungcheol shrugged, taking another sip of his smoothie.

Very seriously, Jeonghan folded his hands together in front of his chest, sitting up straight all of a sudden, a stern expression on his face. “When is he asking my best friend to prom?”

Seungcheol promptly choked on the smoothie. “Jesus,” he sputtered out, “wouldn’t have guessed that was what you were gonna say. I don’t know? He hasn’t told me anything.”

He was lying, of course. Mingyu couldn’t keep his mouth shut about a damn thing even if his jaw was wired closed. 

“You’re lying.”

Seungcheol wished there was a class he could take that would teach him how to not be so obvious about everything all the time . And how to think before he speaks. 

“Maybe…”

Jeonghan whined at this, actually whined, and Seungcheol wanted to slam his head into the table. “Cheollie, just tell me, please? I swear on everything I won’t tell him!”

It’s a bit redundant to point out at this point that Seungcheol had a soft spot for Jeonghan. And a gross understatement.

He groaned, pretending to grapple with the idea for a moment, just to spare his pride a little bit. “Fine. He told me he was going to do an Adventure Time theme-” He’s cut off by a loud squeal from Jeonghan.

“Sorry, sorry! Continue!”

Cute.

“Anyway, he got this big Lady Rainicorn pillow, and he was gonna make some cheesy sign, the whole works. I think he’s doing it tomorrow, actually.”

With a flip of his hair, Jeonghan reassured Seungcheol that Joshua will totally, definitely say yes. Not that Seungcheol was worried, at all actually. He pretended he was.

He hated that his mind conjured up such a thought, but he couldn’t help but wonder what Jeonghan’s boyfriend did to “prompose” to him, and if Seungcheol could do better. Well, he knew he could do better no matter what, that was never really a question.

“So… Minhyuk,” Jeonghan visibly shifted around in his seat, suddenly looking out of place at the mention of his boyfriend, hearing his name out of Seungcheol’s mouth. “How’d he ask you?”

Quite frankly, Seungcheol should’ve seen this coming. He should have known the exact words that would come out of Jeonghan’s mouth at this moment, and known that those words would irritate him the way everything else did when it came to that bastard.

“Oh, we just kinda… you know, we just know we’re going together.” Jeonghan fiddled with a ring on his pinky. 

Seungcheol was thinking this time, very carefully at that. He thought about every time before this, and thought about Hansol’s words that have bounced around in his skull every day since he spoke them.

With all the eloquence and neutrality he could muster up, Seungcheol asked, “Does he think that’s what you want? Or, does he not care?”

The silence was heavy, the light gust of wind brushing leaves together the only sound in the air. After a pause, Jeonghan’s face twisted into something unpleasant; angry, upset, nervous . “What do you know about what I want?”

No turning back now. “Nothing. But that’s not what I asked, is it? So I guess I’ll ask then. Is that what you want?”

Jeonghan floundered for a second too long, clamping his mouth shut and furrowing his brows and directing his glare right into Seungcheol’s eyes. But this time, he’s prepared. 

He might not ever be Jeonghan’s knight in shining armor, and he’d come to terms with that. But someone should be, and Jeonghan has to know that. Seungcheol doesn’t care if he resents him for being the one to let him know that he deserves someone who would bear the weight of the world for him.

Seungcheol could accept Jeonghan never loving him if he knew there was someone that loved Jeonghan the way he did. He could accept it if he knew Jeonghan knew that’s what he deserved, and nothing less.

“I-it’s none of your business!” Jeonghan stammered, blush high on his cheeks, huffing in indignation. 

Seungcheol could only exhale a ghost of a chuckle, his suspicions reassured by the little tantrum.

“That’s fine with me. Just let me know when you figure it out. I want better for you,” Seungcheol made a move to get up, but not before adding “you know, as your friend.”

At this, Jeonghan’s jaw dropped, quickly shutting and morphing into a pout, brows still furrowed, hands clenched into fists as stands up as well, calling out to Seungcheol’s retreating figure: “Screw you, Choi Seungcheol!”

“Whatever you say, Yoon Jeonghan!”

Seungcheol swears he heard a foot stomp. All he can do now is hope it gets through Jeonghan’s head. 

♡︎

“You look chipper this evening.” Hansol claps a hand on Seungcheol’s back as he rearranges a display of climbing gear. How ironic. 

“You’d be pleased to know I took your words to heart.”

Hansol’s eyebrows shoot up curiously, “How so?”

Seungcheol shrugs with a bashful smile, trying not to ride his high too hard. “Just basically told Jeonghan that his boyfriend is shit, that’s all. I think he knows, too. Didn’t seem too pleased that I made him face it.”

Always his hype man, Hansol grabs Seungcheol’s shoulders and shakes him aggressively while cackling like a maniac. “You’re the man, Cheol, you’re the man!” Seungcheol laughs and shoves him off, a blush gracing the apples of his cheeks. 

“Shut up dude, I barely did anything. Plus, not like he’s gonna break up with him and choose me instead.”

Hansol rolled his eyes and groaned dramatically, not in the mood to let Seungcheol’s cynical pining ruin the vibe. Point taken.

“But at least, you know, for his sake. I don’t know the guy but based on the way you talk about him, he should basically be dating a demigod or something.”

Seungcheol’s blushed deepened, feeling a bit flustered at how much he must have hysterically yearned over the boy for Hansol to be saying something of that caliber. Not like he was going to disagree, but that’s neither here nor there.

He fiddled with some belays and ropes before Hansol asked; “So, who are you going to prom with then?”

Seungcheol hadn’t actually given it much thought, save for today, but it wasn’t like he had options, or even any interest in exploring those options. He was just under the assumption that he would go with Wonwoo, the only person less interested in having a date than him. 

Except for one person.

“I have someone in mind.”

seulgi

yo

u going with anyone to prom?

? stupid ass question

mb damn

let’s go together?

aw cheol are you promposing to me?!?! i do i do!!!

you doo doo

plbbb fart noise

you piss me the fuck off

sorry sorry

should we match?

neat all black?

neat all black.

♡︎

Seungcheol’s hands fumbled with the pin of the boutonnière, unable to figure out the right angle so it wouldn’t flop off the lapel of his tuxedo.

“Idiot! I’m supposed to do that!” Seulgi stomped over as soon as she caught Seungcheol making a fool of himself. She swatted his hands away before taking over, pinning the piece cleanly. She gave his chest a quick pat, “There we go.”

The corsage on her wrist consisted of the same white flower as Seungcheol’s boutonnière and clung tightly to her bony joint, right at the edge of her suit jacket sleeve. 

“You look pretty.” He says, and means it. She really did look beautiful. Her eye makeup was dark and sharp, her hair jet black and straight down her back, complimenting her black suit nicely. They had decided on an all black attire, Seulgi sporting a corset top, Seungcheol with a dress shirt unbuttoned at the top. 

Her eyes crinkled when she returned the compliment with a genuine smile, “You look handsome.”

He held an arm out for Seulgi to loop her arm through and led both of them out to his car. Maybe it wasn’t the flashiest way to show up to prom, a small crew in an old sedan, but it was the way they were doing it. 

Contrary to what he had expected when prom was just a looming date, he was actually excited. It was almost the end of his senior year, he had great friends around him, and he was happy. 

Right now, Mingyu was at Joshua’s house taking pictures. Which means Jeonghan was there, too, with his boyfriend. Seungcheol wonders if they have matching ties. He shakes his head of the thought, trying his best to not focus on pining for one single night of his life. 

So he handed his phone to Seulgi, told her to go crazy with the aux, and turned the volume up as much as he could before she started complaining about how hearing damage is irreversible.

(“You have to be careful, hearing damage is irreversible! There’s nothing you can do once it’s gone! Just saying.”

“I’ll just imagine the music in my head.”

“You are such an idiot.”)

The car pulled into the familiar driveway of Wonwoo’s house, a quick pit stop to pick up his friend who didn’t have a date of his own. Not that he wanted one anyway. Wonwoo was probably the only person (other than Seulgi) that could say that and Seungcheol would believe them. He was too cool for the semantics of high school society, in the most non-pretentious way. Seungcheol knew someone would come around for him, someone to keep him on his toes, unpredictable and energetic.

Wonwoo yanked the backseat door open and slid to the middle seat, poking his head between the two front seats.

“We ready?”

Seulgi held out a fist for him to bump. “You bet your sweet little nearsighted, nerdy ass we are.”

Even if they weren’t together, he was still Seulgi’s date, and he had a responsibility to be a gentleman and make this a good night for her. As soon as he parked, he jogged over to the passenger door to let Seulgi out, holding out his arm for her once again. Her hand settled on his bicep, holding him comfortably. They would make an incredibly attractive couple to any onlookers, but both had established long ago they had eyes wandering off in very different directions. 

They checked in at the front entrance of the venue, and Seungcheol was at least appreciative that the expensive ticket was worth it when he saw the space. The entrance led to a sort of cocktail reception area, without the cocktails of course. 

“This is bougie as hell. Didn’t think the school was capable of this.” Seulgi mumbled from his side. 

He snorted out a laugh. “No kidding. I imagine the actual main part is even nicer.” Seulgi whistled at the thought. 

“You think Mingyu is already here with that crew?” Wonwoo piped up from his other side.

“Probably, the actual prom is starting in, like, fifteen minutes.” Seulgi gasped at this and smacked a hand against Seungcheol’s chest. 

“We have to get pictures before we get all sweaty and gross! C’mon!” She pulled Seungcheol and grabbed Wonwoo’s hand to yank him along as well, dragging them out to where people were taking pictures all around a courtyard, decked out with gazebos and a large fountain. She shoved her phone into Wonwoo’s hand, urging him to take photos of her and Seungcheol. Seungcheol tried his hardest to not look awkward, not exactly used to taking pictures like this, or at all, really. They got a few normal ones, and Seulgi hopped on Seungcheol’s back for a few as well. 

When she got off, he placed his hands on both of her shoulders. “My turn!” She squealed and shoved his hands off with haste.

“Absolutely not, you beast! You’ll kill me!” She shoved him, and he shoved her back, albeit with significantly less force lest she go flying right into the fountain. “Wonwoo, get in here, let’s get a couple selfies too.”

Wonwoo perked up from behind the camera, sidling up next to Seungcheol and handing the phone to Seulgi to get them the best angles. 

The pictures were cute. Seungcheol liked how happy his smile looked. He was happy.

“Guys! Over here!” A familiar voice called out, and the trio turned to see Mingyu towering above everyone else, waving excitedly. Joshua was clinging to his side, offering a little wave of his fingers as well and a coy smile. 

Mingyu jogged over to where Seungcheol, Wonwoo, and Seulgi were standing, dragging an unprepared Joshua along behind him. 

They looked good, matching inverse black and cream suits. Joshua’s eyes kept straying from the group in front of him to gaze over at Mingyu on his arm, unable to keep the visible endearment off his face.

The group greeted each other, throwing compliments back and forth, Mingyu taking a moment to appreciate Seungcheol and Seulgi’s “dark, rich, and mysterious aesthetic” as Seulgi had put it. Whatever that means .

A reminder seemed to pop in Joshua’s head, making him raise his head to look around above the crowd before landing on something, someone, on the other side of the fountain and waving them over.

Filtering between people, a figure emerged from the crowd.

Seungcheol locked eyes with Jeonghan, and his breath was stolen from his lungs.

Jeonghan’s hair was blonde now, a gorgeous sandy blonde that complimented his dark honey eyes. He was wearing off-white dress pants that were almost flared but fitted around his waist, a silky matching blouse tucked in neatly. Seungcheol’s eyes drifted to where the shirt was loosely opened at the top, revealing his sharp collarbones. He gulped, trying to compose himself before he knew he had to actually speak to Jeonghan as he walked up to Seungcheol.

They stared at each other for a moment, and Seungcheol could barely remind himself there were people around.

“You look-”

“I like-”

Jeonghan snickered, “You go first.”

Seungcheol shifted between his feet. “I like your outfit. It’s… nice.”

“Nice. How nondescript.”

Seungcheol sighed, giving him a look that said don’t start with me right now. 

“Okay, okay. My turn then. You look good.”

“Good. How nondescript.”

Jeonghan giggled, a fairy was born, whatever the saying is. “We look good and nice then.”

Seungcheol nodded, a smile growing on his lips. “Very good, very nice.”

Jeonghan’s eyebrows raised at this. “Oh? I’ve been upgraded to very nice now?” Seungcheol rolled his eyes, playfully nudging him with an elbow. “Seriously though, you look really good. The all black is se- super cool.” 

Seungcheol tried looking down to hide his blush. “Yeah, well, you can thank Seulgi for that. Said it makes us look rich and cool.” When he looked up, Jeonghan was giving him a tight-lipped smile, one that he could tell was forced.

“She’s your date?” He asked, an indecipherable look on his face.

“Yup.” Trying to keep it as casual and friendly, he asks: “So, where’s uh, where’s your date?”

Jeonghan faltered a bit, shoulders ever so slightly creeping up closer to his neck. “Oh, he’s just talking to some friends over… there.” He gestured vaguely off to the side. 

For once, Seungcheol was forcing himself into indifference. It was not about Jeonghan’s boyfriend, not about Jeonghan either. It was about a night to remember with his friends.

Technically, Jeonghan was his friend. So, if he lingered around Jeonghan and danced with him here and there, that wouldn’t be going against his rules.

“Cool, cool.” It’s awkward for a moment, the tension heavy. “You can join us then? If you want, of course.”

Jeonghan looked a bit surprised by the invite, but joins them anyway. 

It was fine. Jeonghan hung around with them for a bit, getting along way too well with Seungcheol’s friends, and eventually leaving them to join his boyfriend and their crew. It was fine, dancing with his friends all night, drinking Shirley Temples and pretending it was something stronger, laughing nonstop. It was fine, until there was a slow song, and Seungcheol’s eyes couldn’t move from the way Jeonghan was swaying with his boyfriend, his hands on Jeonghan’s waist the way Seungcheol imagined so many times before.

Making his way out of the main hall and out of some other entrance, Seungcheol breathed in the fresh air, letting his ears recover, violently ringing from the blasting music and bass that he could feel bumping from outside the venue.

Seungcheol wiped his hands down his face and pushed his hair back, huffing out a deep exhale. He was having a good time, and he didn’t want anything to ruin that, so this was his best bet at keeping his mood up. 

Just his luck, the moment of recovery wouldn’t last long at all.

None other than Jeonghan’s boyfriend, Minhyuk, stumbled out the door and stood some distance from Seungcheol, not even noticing him before pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

Curse Seungcheol and his stupid, intractable mouth.

“Jeonghan hates cigarettes, you know,” He picked absentmindedly at the boutonniere, a little busted from the night’s events. “He has that chronic cough, real sensitive to the smoke.”

Minhyuk whips his head to Seungcheol, letting out an arrogant scoff once the recognition hits. “It’s you again. Still on him?” Seungcheol shrugged. Minhyuk pulls the cigarette out from between his lips. “You’re always just gonna be a friend to him, get over it.”

All he can do is shrug again. “You’re probably right. So then what’s so wrong about letting my friend’s boyfriend know that he’s doing something wrong?”

Minhyuk’s eyes narrowed at Seungcheol, pocketing the lighter and strolling over until he was standing close to Seungcheol, face to face. “It’s none of your fucking business what I’m doing right or wrong. He’s still with me, isn’t he?” Seungcheol feels himself get hot with anger, but tries to push it down. Not tonight, he wouldn’t let this fool ruin a good, memorable night. 

“At the end of the day, I’m the one who gets to fuck him, and you’ll be wishing it was you.”

At this, Seungcheol sees red. “Is that all you care about, asshole?” 

Minhyuk sneers, “Oh, like you’re any different?” He seems to see the palpable rage on Seungcheol’s face, and chuckles meanly. “No shot, you really think that whole highschool sweetheart love bullshit is real, don’t you? You really are pathetic, no wonder Jeonghan never picked you.” He jabs a finger into Seungcheol’s chest. “If it wasn’t me, it was gonna be some other dickhead who was getting a piece of him. I just took the opportunity, shame you didn’t, huh?”

Self-control be damned, Seungcheol shoves Minhyuk backwards, harder than he intended. “Don’t fucking talk about him like that.” The other boy stumbles back to the ground, scoffing. He hauls himself up and faces Seungcheol again.

“Aren’t you his little knight in shining armor?” He laughs in Seungcheol’s face, but the nasty smile twists into a grimace before he’s straightening himself up, and leaning back.

He swings, and punches Seungcheol square in the face.

Hands flying to cover his nose, Seungcheol feels the blood start to flow, the pain numbed for a moment, then stinging. He stumbles back a bit before the adrenaline takes over and he swipes the blood away from his philtrum, sizing up the dickhead in front of him.

Seungcheol could kick his ass, easily. He could break his nose, knock a tooth out, K.O. him entirely.

But he’s still Jeonghan’s boyfriend. 

He didn’t care about his boyfriend, and truly wanted nothing more than to beat him to a pulp. But he didn’t want Jeonghan to think of him like that; someone who loses their temper, someone violent, someone like Minhyuk. He was better. 

And if this didn’t show that, he didn’t know what would.

With a click of his tongue, Minhyuk shakes his head and turns to go back inside the venue. Seungcheol thinks he hears him mutter pussy under his breath.

With Minhyuk gone and the rush of adrenaline draining from his body, Seungcheol slumps over the steps of the entrance, head and nose now throbbing painfully, the old blood now drying while new blood simultaneously drips down. He drops his head in his hands, and wonders how the hell he got himself into a situation like this. 

Jeonghan, of course.

Seungcheol had a lot of regrets. But he didn’t once regret liking Jeonghan the way he did, no matter how much it drove him crazy.

Speak of the devil. Or, speak of the angel seems more fitting.

“Seungcheol? Why- Oh my god, Cheollie, your face!” Jeonghan was speeding over to him from the entrance, dropping down next to him and holding his face delicately in his hands. “What the hell happened, how long have you been out here like this, we were looking everywhere for you, I thought you might be outside-” Jeonghan sucks in a deep breath after rambling, looking between Seungcheol’s eyes. His voice was soft and shaky now, “Cheollie, what happened?”

Now that he thinks about it, Seungcheol doesn’t really know how long he’s been out here. Could’ve been a minute, or twenty. He puts on a dopey smile and tries to joke, “You should see the other guy.”

Jeonghan’s brows furrow, unamused. “I’m serious.”

Seungcheol pulls his face away from Jeonghan’s hands, unable to look him in the eyes. “Your boyfriend. He thinks I’m a pussy.”

He doesn’t turn to see the way Jeonghan is looking at him, doesn’t think he could stomach it right now.

“You’re not. Why was he perfectly fine?”

There’s a pause. “I didn’t want you to think I was like him. I’m better than him.”

Jeonghan visibly deflates, his eyes starting to get glossy. “Seungcheol… why?” His voice was barely above a whisper now.

“I didn’t like how he was talking about you.” He says it like it’s natural. 

 Jeonghan crumples. “Cheollie, I- I’m so, so sorry. I should’ve… this shouldn’t have happened and you shouldn’t- fuck.” His head drops with a barely audible sniffle. “I don’t deserve you.”

Seungcheol laughs, a throaty cackle. “You’re kidding, right?”

Jeonghan looks at him like he’s crazy, eyes wet. 

“That’s the one thing I’ve been trying so hard to get you to see. That it is me that you deserve, not whatever these assholes have been giving you for the past god knows how long.”

Maybe he was concussed, maybe the punch had somehow ricocheted to his brain. 

“Cheol, I don’t-”

“Jeonghan, just listen to me, please. I don’t care about the insecure losers you date and I don’t care if it’s never gonna be me, but you have to promise me one thing, okay?”

Jeonghan is stunned for a moment, frozen still, then nods, jerking his head with tears brimming. 

“You have to promise me that whoever you date loves you more than I do. Then I’ll be fine.”

The tears were streaming down Jeonghan’s face now. He’s looking at Seungcheol with something that feels like pity, maybe something more, the silence weighing heavy before he finally breaks it, “I can’t, I’m sorry. I can’t promise you that.”

Seungcheol is taken aback, blinking, eyebrows crinkled in confusion. “Why not?”

“Because, Cheollie,” Jeonghan laughs a wet laugh, taking Seungcheol’s face in his hands again, dainty fingers brushing against his cheekbones, “I don’t think I’ll ever find someone like that. I don’t think I want to.”

And with that his lips are on Seungcheol’s.

Between the dried blood on his cupid’s bow and the snot and tears running down Jeonghan’s face, there’s an electricity that Seungcheol has been waiting years to feel, maybe his whole life, before he even knew Jeonghan. It’s everything and it’s nothing, exhilarating and mundane all the same. His head is reeling, from the punch, from the kiss, from the disbelief that it was him this time. Jeonghan’s lips were softer than he pictured, his kiss more gentle than he could have ever imagined.

Seungcheol thinks for a second that maybe Minhyuk knocked him out and this was all a hallucination.

He pulls away, and slaps himself in the face, probably harder than necessary.

“Cheol, what the hell?! Was a punch not enough for you?” Jeonghan says incredulously.

He’s giving Jeonghan that same dopey smile, too caught up in the moment to even try and be cool about it. “Sorry, just wanted to make sure this wasn’t a dream.” 

Jeonghan is gazing at him, the sorrow and regret etched into his face. “I’m sorry it took me so long to see.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t have the balls to tell you straight sooner. Could’ve saved us both a hell of a lot of trouble.” Seungcheol’s hand comes up to rake through his hair, brushing it out of his face. “Another one?”

Jeonghan wipes at his tear streaks and snot under his nose with a giggle. “We’re so gross right now, Cheol.”

One hand reaches up to cradle the back of Jeonghan’s neck, the other on his hip, “I don’t give a shit, I’ve waited long enough haven’t I?” He pulls Jeonghan in for a kiss that takes his breath away.

Good things take time, Seungcheol knows that. Maybe the best things take even longer. 

Seungcheol thinks this was worth the wait.