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Xie Lian groaned as he opened Puqi Shrine's donation box and found it pitifully empty.
“I was really sure that that group would leave something,” he sighed while running his hand through his hair. “Maybe they weren't that well off…” he added, though he didn't believe it.
Hua Cheng was drying the dishes he'd insisted on washing after their breakfast and chipped in, “They were just stingy Gege, if they could afford such tacky clothes they could have left a donation.”
Xie Lian stifled a laugh, “So mean San Lang, they weren’t dressed that tacky. I just wish they hadn't tracked in so much dirt just to stay one minute and leave.”
“They're trash Gege. Let me handle the cleaning next time.”
Xie Lian laughed openly this time, “It wasn't too much work and I didn't have anything else to do. Besides, it's my shrine and I already put you to work too much.”
Hua Cheng huffed and sat aside the final dish before picking up the basin of dirty water to dump outside. “Gege is wrong on both accounts,” he said while coming back inside, “Your only work should have been enjoying breakfast. And I’ll happily help you as much as possible.”
“That doesn’t mean I should take advantage of your kindness, San Lang. Or take any guests here for granted.”
“I’m not kind, I just know that you deserve the help and those idiots who came in don’t . Especially not since they stole all your attention when I finally got to enjoy your company alone.”
Truthfully Xie Lian had thought the same when they’d been interrupted. Their nice breakfast together while Guzi and Lang Ying dragged Qi Rong to play was over in the blink of an eye. Sure they finished it after Xie Lian cleaned the mud off the floor, but some of the serenity was lost. All he could do was sigh and agree with Hua Cheng that it had been less than ideal.
“Hm…” Hua Cheng said sadly, “Only ‘less than ideal’ Gege? Am I not your honored guest?”
“Yes, you are,” Xie Lian agreed so he could see how delighted Hua Cheng looked. More so than usual, that is. Xie Lian was constantly distracted by his smile, and his bright eyes, even his glares at others. He was just so charismatic whether he was being kind to Xie Lian or mean to others, or funny, or just fishing for compliments. Meanwhile his beloved was clueless and unappreciative…
“Gege, is this honored guest not honored enough to hold your interest?” Hua Cheng teased.
“Sorry, sorry, I was thinking about how great you are,” Xie Lian said absentmindedly.
He facepalmed the moment his mind caught up with his mouth and whipped his head back and forth to find an excuse for why that came out his mouth. He didn’t know when his face got so thin but he was determined to ignore the heat in his cheeks and the way Hua Cheng was standing there frozen in shock.
“Either way, this shrine is my responsibility, so I shouldn't give away all the work,” he blurted. Nothing like changing the subject worked better for awkward situations, especially since he couldn’t and didn’t want to take back his words. The words weren’t the problem, as much as the timing and complete lack of thought were.
Hua Cheng blinked hard several times like he was trying to make sure that Xie Lian was real. Maybe it was the blush still on Xie Lian’s cheeks, or the way the hand he’d facepalmed with was still hiding the upper half of his face that convinced him, but Hua Cheng finally started breathing again. “Most people would argue that a shrine dedicated to you should be run by someone else,” he said, gently pulling Xie Lian’s hand from his face and leading them to sit down on the empty stools by the altar.
“San Lang isn't ‘most people.’”
“Most people are trash.”
Xie Lian smiled fondly, “What a troublemaker I have on my hands, calling everyone this way and that trash.”
Hua Cheng bumped their shoulders and grinned, “Yet Gege keeps me around anyways! Am I that great, Gege?”
“San Lang, it's too soon to tease me about that!” Xie Lian cried.
“But Gege, I’ve never gotten such a nice compliment.”
“Hm? That seems hard to believe considering all the fishing for compliments you do without needing to.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Hua Cheng said, suddenly exuding the very essence of innocence.
“San Lang isn’t sly.”
“Gege hasn't been sly either.”
Xie Lian suddenly remembered how he'd looked for evidence of Hua Cheng being a ghost and quickly looked away, scratching his cheek. “Nevermind all that!”
He hopped up and started sweeping an already spectacularly clean bit of floor to avoid looking at Hua Cheng's smile that was equal parts smug and fond. Clearly distracting himself was the only way he was going to keep from embarrassing himself anymore.
A few minutes later he was sweeping the rest of the shrine more out of habit than anything when the broom was grabbed from his hands. Hua Cheng sat the broom down against the wall and crossed his arms. “See, Gege, I told you that you work too hard.”
“Shrines take a lot of work and discipline,” he said, trying to take the air of an old and wise cultivator.
Hua Cheng stroked his chin thoughtfully, “Hm, that's true, so Gege should get the expert assistance of someone who's already run a shrine before to help.”
Xie Lian’s eyes widened in surprise. Too many questions rose in his head to pick one so he simply filed that bit of information away for later. He went to tidy up the altar instead and said, “No need! I've created a shrine before.”
Now it was Hua Cheng's turn to look surprised. “Oh really? Please tell this curious one more, Gege!”
Xie Lian finished tidying and realized that between both of their stubborn cleaning throughout the morning there was nothing else that needed to be done. It wasn’t even time for a meal so all they could do was sit back down on the altar’s stools.
Xie Lian hummed in thought, “It’s a bit of a long story, but essentially I made it and left it with money and instructions and left before my bad luck could rub off on it.”
If Xie Lian wasn’t staring into the distance, thinking of the past, he would have noticed the dark look in Hua Cheng’s eyes as he leaned forward. “Who was the shrine for?” he asked, imitating a curious friend instead of a painfully jealous ghost.
Xie Lian smiled sadly, still lost in his memories, “My beloved.”
The chopstick Hua Cheng had been fidgeting with suddenly snapped as his hand closed into a tight fist. Knuckles drawn so tight his pale skin became impossibly paler and translucent. He took in a very deep breath and looked down at his lap. He barely had the sense left to be respectful of his beloved and loathed himself for it.
“Gege has a beloved?” he asked in as neutral a tone as possible. He praised his good luck that Xie Lian wasn’t paying much attention, then pushed down the new bout of jealousy at the fact that Xie Lian wasn’t paying much attention.
The question seemed to snap Xie Lian away from the past, he shook his head and answered, “I had a beloved. I made some bad choices though, they’re long gone…” He laughed awkwardly and patted his cheeks, “Anyways! I made a shrine before, that’s all.”
He looked up and finally noticed Hua Cheng’s strange mood and the broken chopstick. “Is everything alright San Lang?”
“En, everything’s fine, I’m just curious to hear more about Gege’s beloved. If you’re willing to share, of course,” he said, trying to get rid of the unfounded and delusional sense of betrayal that was coursing through him.
Xie Lian frowned at both Hua Cheng’s odd behavior and the question. “Is San Lang willing to share more about his beloved?” he asked in lieu of answering.
Hua Cheng let out a choked noise somewhere between a scoff and groan, “Alright, I understand. Gege doesn’t want to talk about it, that's alright. Let’s go pick up Gege’s little miscreants.” He paused before adding, “Unless you really did want to trade information about our beloveds…”
Xie Lian’s lips parted in surprise and he considered the proposal. Considering how reluctant both of them were, the questions likely wouldn’t be too invasive. Not to mention, if there was anyone he could trust with such private information, it was Hua Cheng. “Alright, I’m willing to share if San Lang is.”
Hua Cheng looked up in surprise, it had been wishful thinking that Xie Lian would agree. He fiddled with the two pieces of the broken chopstick, suddenly worried about what could be revealed. “Gege can ask the first question.”
“Hm…What’s your favorite thing about them?” Xie Lian asked after a moment of thought.
He thought that was an easy question to start with but Hua Cheng’s face scrunched into a frown, “Just one thing…?”
Xie Lian caught himself before he could smile sadly. Hua Cheng was truly in love to think that that was a hard question, but why should that make Xie Lian sad?
Hua Cheng finally answered, “He's stubborn.”
Xie Lian smiled, “I’m not surprised that San Lang is someone who appreciates stubbornness so much.”
Hua Cheng grinned, “I am a ghost after all. Your turn Gege, and I’ll ask you the same question.”
“San Lang, did you have me go first just to steal all of my questions?”
“Of course not Gege!”
Xie Lian shook his head in disbelief with a smile. “My favorite thing is their loyalty.”
Hua Cheng nodded.
“Next question, did you immediately realize that they were your special someone?”
Xie Lian thought he knew the answer to that, just from how sure Hua Cheng was about most things, so he was a bit surprised when Hua Cheng shook his head and said, “I did but I didn’t. I was too young. I don’t think I can even say it started as the kind of love it is now,” he admitted with a frown. “I loved him as a person and I would have done anything for him, but I didn’t understand half of what I felt.”
Xie Lian nodded and processed the words. “Your beloved truly is a lucky person,” he said, ignoring another pang of pain in his heart.
“Did you know your beloved long?” Hua Cheng asked.
Xie Lian took in a sharp breath and focused all his energy on a crack in the altar so he wouldn’t cry, “No, not long at all…How did your beloved save you?” he asked.
Hua Cheng froze up. His eyes darted back and forth before he looked down with his jaw locked. Xie Lian perked up a little more, he had been curious before, but the unexpected reaction made him even more curious! Hua Cheng cleared his throat and answered slowly like he was carefully picking his words, “I was going to kill myself, but I changed my mind when I saw him. And then, because I was a stupid brat, I almost got myself killed anyway, and he saved me.”
Xie Lian was staring at him with his jaw clenched and his eyes dark with anger and fear, “I’m glad your beloved was there for you. You were just a kid…” What—or who—drove someone so young to try and kill himself? And why did it seem like only one person was willing to help?! Xie Lian shook his head. Between the thoughts of his past and the knowledge of Hua Cheng’s bleak childhood, the cruelty of the world surged at the forefront of his mind, just behind the also flaring need to do good!
Hua Cheng joined their hands together across the altar, “Don’t overthink it Gege, it was a bad time but now I’m doing better than any of the assholes that I grew up around. And more importantly, I can give back to my beloved,” he said with pride gleaming behind his eyes.
Oh how Xie Lian's heart hurt at those words, but at the same time he'd never been more happy to know Hua Cheng.
Hua Cheng's spirit seemed lifted after the question. He sat up straighter on his stool and casually spun half the chopstick through his fingers with ease, “Was your beloved a god?”
Xie Lian laughed. “Right, that would make the most sense considering the shrine, but no, not a god. A ghost.”
Hua Cheng's eyebrows instantly went up in surprise then furrowed in confusion, “Are you sure they're gone then?”
Xie Lian froze. He hadn't known about ghosts’ ashes at the time and had never once considered that Wu Ming could still exist after they were destroyed. He sat with the possibility for a moment, but in the end shook his head. He spoke quietly, “It's foolish, but…but I think that if they were still around they would have let me know.”
“Why would it be foolish Gege? Ghost or not, anyone should be honored to keep your company.”
“Besides the fact that they had their own beloved, they had every reason in the world to hate me,” Xie Lian whispered.
Xie Lian never forgot how cruel he'd treated Wu Ming, never forgot how little the ghost deserved it. Xie Lian had been so broken inside, and so, so , stupid.
After that day he’d realized several things. The first realization hit him like a fall from the heavens as he ran out of the city and past a patch of white flowers. They weren’t his flowers, but seeing them made him realize that Wu Ming had been the one to bring the flower. What a foolishly late realization. Wu Ming was the one still devoted to Xie Lian after everything. After all, why else would the ghost be there with a fallen god instead of with their beloved? It just never clicked until that moment and Xie Lian had almost collapsed into the patch of little white flowers in grief and regret.
The next realization came slowly as he began his travels. He never failed to think of Wu Ming when he saw little white flowers of any kind after that. In general, he thought of a lot of things when he saw those flowers, all things that left him regretting a lot, but always Wu Ming. My Wu Ming, he began thinking of them as. Xie Lian knew it wasn’t fair to Wu Ming or whoever their beloved was, but something always kept him from thinking too much about why it was unfair until the day an old auntie running a tea shop kicked Xie Lian out.
“Get out my shop with your heartbroken moping unless you’re gonna buy something!” she shouted and all but pushed him out with a broom.
Xie Lian didn’t have any money anyways so leaving wasn’t a big deal. That word though, nearly killed him: heartbroken.
Was he heartbroken he’d wondered? But heartbreak required love. Did he love the ghost? Was he in love with Wu Ming? Wu Ming who was selfless, who was kind enough to stand by Xie Lian, who listened, who was loyal to a fault, who wanted vengeance for their beloved, who stood tall both in height and pride even when kneeling, who was skilled with a sword and martial arts in general, who looked good in black, who saved Xie Lian and the people of Yong’an?
It was an odd thing, to be walking down a street you didn’t know, as a shadow of yourself, and realize you were in love with someone you killed. Xie Lian had been so shocked by the revelation that he’d just kept walking for hours before he stopped and broke down in tears.
He didn’t let himself stop for long. He never did. His shoulders shook as he cried himself out in the middle of the road. Only a few minutes later he wiped his face with his sleeve and kept walking.
Xie Lian was snapped from his thoughts by Hua Cheng gripping his hands and staring at him intensely, “Your Highness, don’t let anyone make you believe you deserve to be hated. Do you understand? No one. If your beloved could see you and hate you, then they weren’t worth your time anyways! Never forget your worth, please, if you remember anything remember you deserve to be loved!”
Xie Lian gasped in surprise, his eyes wide. He tore his hands from Hua Cheng’s and whipped around to face the other direction and hide his sudden tears.
He took several hiccupy breaths and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. Hua Cheng called for him but he could only shake his head. After a minute or two, he was more or less alright but Hua Cheng looked horrible. Tears filled his guilty eyes. His fists shook from how hard they were clenched
Xie Lian smiled weakly at him, “Sorry, sorry San Lang. Don’t worry about me, I guess this is just what happens when you don’t talk about something for eight hundred years…”
Hua Cheng opened his mouth to say something but seemed to change his mind at the last minute. A moment later he said, “You can tell me if you want to.”
Xie Lian sighed, on the one hand he felt like he needed to talk about Wu Ming, and that Hua Cheng was the perfect person to talk about them with. On the other hand it felt like a betrayal and Xie Lian couldn’t understand why. “Can we keep asking each other questions? I don’t think I can say everything all at once.”
Hua Cheng nodded, “Whatever you need Gege.” Then he grinned like everything was alright and with his usual charisma asked, “What’s my next question Gege?”
Xie Lian grinned back, he was almost surprised at how genuine a smile it was but like a puzzle piece sliding into place, or a fog finally lifting, he realized how obviously he was in love with Hua Cheng! He had time to be upset later over his horrible preference for people who were already in love with someone else. At that moment, he was just happy to be in Hua Cheng’s presence. It wasn’t surprising that being in love made one happy per se, it was just such a foreign feeling to him! He laughed suddenly, which made Hua Cheng laugh too with confusion and amusement.
Xie Lian reeled his feelings in but smiled easily, “Sorry, sorry, don’t mind me, I know I’m all over the place. Next question! Hm, I think this is more a question about you than your beloved, but just how long ago did you meet?”
“Oh? Trying to figure out my age Gege? I’ll tell you what everyone knows already then the whole truth.”
Xie Lian nodded and leaned in curiously.
Hua Cheng also leaned in conspiratorially and spread out his ten fingers between them, “Well first off, Ghost City gained its notoriety some five-hundred years ago, so I must be at least that old,” he said, closing his five fingers of one hand into a fist, “But, if you know some of the oldest residents of the city they can tell you it didn’t become popular until about fifty years after it was built, and that there were fifty years before that of it actually being built before it was considering Ghost City.”
“Mhm…So, so far you’re at least six-hundred years old?”
“En,” Hua Cheng confirmed, lowering a sixth finger, “However, the story that got me my name took place about a hundred years before I started the city, so…”
Xie Lian grinned and guided one of Hua Cheng’s fingers closed, “So, San Lang is very old, at least seven-hundred years.”
Hua Cheng pouted, “Isn’t Gege at over eight-hundred years old?”
Xie Lian laughed awkwardly, “Just keep counting San Lang!”
“Alright, alright. Fifty years before I got my name, I challenged the 35 pieces of trash.”
“Seven-hundred-fifty years. Ah, but San Lang, what were they calling you during that time? Not Crimson Rain Sought Flower, not Hua Chengzhu, and I’m almost certain they didn’t just call you Hua Cheng.”
Hua Cheng shrugged, “Nothing in particular, and nothing very kind. Heaven’s Scourge and Red Demon are the only ones I remember. Most people, even my followers at the time, didn’t call me anything because they were scared they’d summon me to them,” he said with a dark, smug smile.
Xie Lian laughed and shook his head, “That’s not too surprising, San Lang certainly is mischievous enough to appear after hearing his name.”
“You’re not wrong Gege. And next, at that point, anyone who bothers to look can easily find that the last time Mount Tonglu opened before I put those trash gods in their place was thirty years prior and correctly assume that that’s when I became a Ghost King.”
Xie Lian tilted his head in confusion, “Mount Tonglu? That’s where Ghost King’s are created?”
“En, ghosts are drawn to it and battle there until only one is left. That ghost goes into the kiln, a volcano, and has to break free or be destroyed. It took me ten years to do all of that.”
“Ah, very impressive San Lang! So ten years in Mount Tonglu then what, the next twenty years preparing to challenge the thirty-five gods? If so that’s seven-hundred-eighty years plus whatever time you spent alive.”
“Mostly correct Gege, only one piece missing. Before Tonglu opened I was already a ghost. Shamefully, I got into a fight that I couldn’t win and was nearly dispersed so for around twenty years I was just a drifting Ghost Fire so insignificant a cultivator wouldn’t have even noticed me to try and exorcise me.”
“How’d you regain your power?”
“When Tonglu opened I was drawn to it, and between the area’s ghostly energy and the many ghosts, I was able to absorb excess until I could kill and devour the other ghosts and became the only one left.”
“San Lang really is the strongest then. To go from a ghost fire to supreme Ghost King in just ten years is truly remarkable! So now you’re at least eight-hundred years old plus your time alive.”
Hua Cheng nodded and lowered an eighth finger, “And how long does Gege think I was alive?”
Xie Lian tapped his chin. There was a lot to consider from Hua Cheng’s resilience to his preference for younger skins, from his good luck to his serious commitment to calling Xie Lian Gege.
Hua Cheng looked completely amused at how much thought Xie Lian was putting into the question and decided to tease him a bit, “Gege, don’t guess too old, I may get self-conscious about my looks!”
Xie Lian snorted, “It’s not like either of us looks our age, San Lang! I guess that you lived to your early thirties.”
Hua Cheng grinned, “Wouldn’t that make Gege younger than me? Maybe you’re the one who should be calling me Gege.”
Xie Lian laughed at his antics, “Alright, but you have to tell me if my guess was close, Gege.”
Hua Cheng ducked his head down quickly, but not before Xie Lian saw his eyes go bright with something and he bit his lip. Before Xie Lian could question it, Hua Cheng blurted out, “No, Gege was off.”
“Older or younger?” Xie Lian asked while mentally brushing past Hua Cheng’s strange reaction.
“Younger.”
“Hm…mid to late twenties then?”
“Younger,” Hua Cheng said, finally looking up again with a bitter smile.
Xie Lian frowned, “Mid-twenties?” He really hoped that Hua Cheng said he was right. Mid-twenties was already too young to die; he couldn't imagine Hua Cheng dying any younger than that. At least he didn’t want to. It seemed silly to grieve for someone who was sitting in front of him eight-hundred years after his death, but Xie Lian felt unspeakably sad thinking of a young and powerless Hua Cheng dying. Not to mention his childhood hadn’t been good, if he’d died young did he ever get to live the life he deserved?
Hua Cheng took one of Xie Lian’s hands into his. “Younger.”
Xie Lian’s frown deepened, “Early-twenties?”
Hua Cheng squeezed his hand and almost imperceptibly shook his head.
“How old…?” Xie Lian asked with a wet voice.
“Seventeen,” Hua Cheng said quietly.
Xie Lian was overwhelmed with anger and sadness and confusion. How could he be grieving Hua Cheng so much while the man himself comforted him? More importantly, “You said your beloved saved you! You were still a child San Lang, and they weren’t there!”
Hua Cheng didn’t seem upset about his young death however, in fact, he was smiling. “I got into a lot of trouble as a kid Gege, my beloved saved me multiple times but we didn’t even know each other, they couldn’t be there every time.” He shrugged and added, “Besides, all death did was give me more opportunities.”
He squeezed Xie Lian’s hand again when he didn’t reply after a while.
Xie Lian pursed his lips then sighed, “I’m sorry San Lang, I didn’t mean to speak badly about your beloved. It’s just unfair.”
Hua Cheng was still smiling, “It’s alright Gege. Next question, right?”
“Right, but let me make us some tea first.” He really needed a moment to process what he’d learned.
Without them noticing, the morning had stretched on and the sun was nearly fully risen. It seemed Hua Cheng had succeeded in getting Xie Lian to rest. As Xie Lian prepared the tea, Hua Cheng procured a half-finished wood carving project and was silently carving away at it.
While waiting for the water to heat, Xie Lian didn’t want to start back up their game and mindlessly asked, “What are you making?”
Hua Cheng twirled the wood between his fingers. “I’m not sure yet,” he said even though the wood was clearly already forming the shape of something . “What does Gege think I should make?”
Xie Lian gave him a look to say that his white lie didn’t go unnoticed. Since the wood was already long, Xie Lian suggested, “Why don’t you make a mini sword? Oh, maybe even a tiny E-Ming!”
Hua Cheng smiled at the first part of the suggestion and then scowled at the second, “I’ll make Gege a regular sword.”
Xie Lian was going to scold him for being so mean to such a useful sword but got caught on one part of what he said, “Huh? San Lang weren’t you just asking for a suggestion? It doesn’t have to be for me!”
Hua Cheng stopped carving and looked up at Xie Lian, “Why wouldn’t it be for you though?”
Xie Lian’s mouth hung open in surprise, “Because you should keep some of the stuff you work hard on!”
Hua Cheng smiled cheekily, “But I would feel much better knowing Gege got to keep the stuff I make.”
“I wouldn’t be able to keep it all clean and safe, or even have the space for it,” Xie Lian tried to argue.
“Just keep it in your armory.”
Xie Lian held his head in his hand, utterly exasperated, “San Lang it’s too much.”
Hua Cheng was laughing quietly to himself and Xie Lian resolutely pretended not to hear or see the mischievous ghost until their tea was done.
He couldn’t help but smile though, when he sat back down and swatted Hua Cheng’s hands away from the pot of tea. When he thought he heard something fall behind him he looked back and realized he’d been tricked when he saw Hua Cheng serving their tea.
“Back to the game Gege?” he said to brush past his little trick, “My turn right?”
“Mhm,” Xie Lian replied, far too aware of how fond he sounded. He took a sip of tea and suddenly remembered something and gasped, “Wait! You never finished answering my question.”
“Oh, right, when exactly did I meet my beloved right? I was ten the first time we met but the next time wasn’t until a few years later.”
Xie Lian tried imagining tiny Hua Cheng and his eyes wide with affection and burst into giggles, “Hahaha ten year old San Lang in love must’ve been adorable!”
“Ghost Kings aren’t adorable, Gege!”
Xie Lian laughed more at the way Hua Cheng’s face scrunched up, “You must’ve been, I just know it!”
“Hmph…I wasn’t,” Hua Cheng murmured.
When Xie Lian finally stopped laughing Hua Cheng pouted a bit more for show before asking, “Are you done with your fun Gege?” After a confirming nod he asked, “If you could see your beloved again would you tell them how you feel?”
“Oh…” Xie Lian said, unable to think of anything else. It seemed like an obvious question in hindsight, but the idea of seeing Wu Ming ever again had never crossed his mind so neither had the question. However, it was a surprisingly easy one to answer. “No. I would tell them everything else about how grateful I am to have known them. They taught me a lot and I wish I could have done better by them. I was their god so even though I can’t say for sure anything bad would happen if I told them how I felt, I wouldn’t want them to feel obligated to feel the same.”
“I understand Gege, I’m the same way somewhat. I want to protect my beloved but I’d never forgive myself if he thought that protection came with expectations that he love me back. Your turn.”
Xie Lian felt surprisingly light after answering that question. It felt like he’d been tied to a fallen weight at the bottom of the ocean then was finally cut free and breathing air for the first time again. He was so sad talking about Wu Ming but also so happy. He loved Wu Ming so of course he wanted to talk about them!
Another part of him was also just happy to talk to San Lang no matter the subject. Even though they were talking about their respective beloveds Xie Lian was happy to be bonding. Who knew happiness could come so easily…
Guilt made its way into his happiness like a crack in wood. “Could you ever fall in love with anyone else?” he asked, voicing his guilt as a question in a game.
Hua Cheng’s mouth widened in surprise, then his whole face went through several complicated expressions almost at once. He settled on a thoughtful expression, “I couldn’t. Maybe once upon a time I could have, when I was alive. But now, even if I wanted to fall in love with someone else, which I don’t, I’m a ghost. I’m only connected to the world because of my love and devotion. I don't know that anything else could keep me here.”
“That makes sense,” Xie Lian heard himself say, though he felt very far away from his own body. Why had he asked such a stupid question that left him open to such a blatant and blunt rejection? He blinked hard and fast, trying to reconnect his brain with his limbs (San Lang would never love him). He had been so happy with their friendship a moment ago why’d it have to change. I really am a mess , he thought.
“A mess? Gege, what's wrong?”
He said that out loud (He was betraying Wu Ming again wasn’t he)?
He stared at his tea cup in wonder. How did he let this happen? There’s no way it was normal to fall in love so quickly!
Hua Cheng was calling for him. He was worried because he cared. Which answered Xie Lian’s question, how could anyone not instantly fall in love with Hua Cheng?
Someone’s hands were firm on his shoulders as if trying to press him back into his body.
Was he really so scared of rejection he ran away from himself?
Guoshi would be ashamed.
Xie Lian was ashamed.
Twice. Two times! He’d let himself fall in love with the completely unattainable two times. He trampled Wu Ming’s memory to feel close to Hua Cheng.
He was horrible to both of them.
A god and prince turned into a lovesick fool.
“Gege, please!” Hua Cheng said.
Xie Lian didn’t hear it, he felt it. He blinked in surprise at being completely surrounded by red fabric.
Hua Cheng was holding him in a tight hug and stroking his back.
Xie Lian held tightly to the front of Hua Cheng’s robes, “Sorry.”
“Don’t!” Hua Cheng said sharply, his voice sounded wet. “Don’t apologize Gege, please!”
They were pressed so closely that every word Hua Cheng said vibrated through Xie Lian’s body.
He pressed his face into the folds of Hua Cheng’s robes and noted that he had changed to his true form.
“Gege, please talk to me,” Hua Cheng said desperately.
“Hm?” Xie Lian said, he wondered which one of them was shaking and wished he could get ahold of himself.
Hua Cheng held him tighter, “Maybe I’m overstepping but…please, when you’re feeling upset or alone or anything, talk to me. Tell me if you need a void to shout into. Don’t bottle everything up like this, I beg you.”
Xie Lian nodded and tried to hug him closer but with his arms pinned between them there was little he could do, “Alright, alright. I’m sorry San Lang, I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“Are you alright, Your Highness?”
“Falling in love is hard,” Xie Lian answered evasively, “Eight-hundred years and it’s one of the few things I understand almost nothing about.”
Hua Cheng nodded above him, “How can I help Gege?”
Xie Lian thought about it. Hua Cheng was both the poison and the cure so clearly something else was needed. Not to mention all his thoughts about Wu Ming left him desperate for more. “I want to go see the shrine,” he said decisively, though he didn’t even know if the shrine was still there.
Hua Cheng pulled away just enough to grab his dice, “Where to?”
Xie Lian explained its approximate location relative to Puqi Shrine and let himself be transported in the silver shroud of Hua Cheng’s abilities.
Hua Cheng released him from the hug and joined their hands together. They were in the courtyard of a small stone shrine that was very similar to Puqi Shrine if Puqi shrine was fully restored. Although it was nearly the same as Xie Lian left it, it was clearly well kept.
There was no establishment plaque or anyone around, so with no further fanfare they walked inside.
When Xie Lian left it, he’d only put Wu Ming’s patched up mask above the altar in place of a statue or portrait, and left a space to burn incense and leave offerings. Since then, a small display table had been added which had a stone inscribed copy of the letter Xie Lian left explaining the purpose of the shrine, several palm sized statues of Wu Ming based on the letter (one of them kneeling, one of them standing with their sword, and one of them offering a flower with their head bowed), and a second stone inscription describing where Yong-an once stood.
In that moment Xie Lian felt content. Although, given how quickly his mood had been changing all day he was half expecting someone to appear with horrible news. Wu Ming’s memory was still being cared for though, and that’s what mattered.
He was going to thank San Lang for everything from the bottom of his heart, when he realized something was wrong. His heart sank, thinking that he’d clearly been right to expect something bad to happen!
Hua Cheng was paler than normal, his eyes were wide with shock, he wasn’t moving at all. Not even a little bit.
Xie Lian shook their joined hands, “San Lang?”
It was no good, Hua Cheng stared directly and resolutely at the displayed mask.
“San Lang?”
He shook their hands again and the Ghost King startled and whipped his head around to stare at Xie Lian. “I don’t get it,” he said weakly.
“You don’t get what?” Xie Lian asked.
“It’s not possible…” Hua Cheng said, almost to himself with how quiet he was. His eyes began drifting back to the mask.
“What’s not possible? The mask? Why not?” Xie Lian asked desperately.
“It’s not possible that the mask is your beloved’s,” Hua Cheng said louder.
Xie Lian heart raced, “Please, San Lang, just explain everything. You’re scaring me.”
As far as Xie Lian knew, nobody knew about Wu Ming, at least his days with Xie Lian, except for three beings. Two of which were supposed to be long gone. So how could San Lang have any knowledge or reaction to that mask? A million thoughts raced through his head about all the ways White No Face could have lied to him and suddenly his precious time with Wu Ming seemed tainted. Was any of it real, was Wu Ming, or just another trick? Was Wu Ming still around and-
No, no, no. Xie Lian couldn’t lose his head again
He shook his and Hua Cheng’s hands harder, “Please, San Lang, explain!”
Hua Cheng didn’t seem to hear him. “You love him?” he asked.
Xie Lian cried frustrated, “Of course! I really do, isn’t that what we’ve been talking about all day, but please San Lang what’s wrong?”
Hua Cheng suddenly fell to his knees, at least Xie Lian thought he did but it was quickly apparent that he hadn’t fallen but knelt.
Before Xie Lian’s eyes, his form shifted. He became skinnier, his hair went up into a tight ponytail, and his clothes were all black. His face was covered by a white, smiling mask, identical to the one displayed.
Hua Cheng would never be cruel to him, Xie Lian knew that, but he still couldn’t believe what he saw.
He shook his head vigorously and figured it must be a joke, an imitation of the Wu Ming mini statues Hua Cheng saw. But at the same time it couldn’t be that, the statues were vague little figurines nothing as detailed as Hua Cheng’s form which was Wu Ming, Every detail was correct, but how…?
“Do you understand now, Your Highness?” Hua Cheng whispered.
Xie Lian did. Hua Cheng would never lie to him like that, which only left one conclusion. Xie Lian dropped to his knees, “It’s really you?”
“En…”
Xie Lian wanted to tackle him into a hug, he wanted to laugh and cry with relief, he wanted to hold his Wu Ming with the gentlest of hands and tell him how happy he was that he was back. The instant before he did, all his memories of their conversation that day came back to him, everything he’d revealed and everything he’d heard about San Lang’s beloved in return. The utter despair that he’d forced Wu Ming to hear his feelings, the one thing he said he’d never do, waged war against the pure relief at knowing Wu Ming was still alright.
All he could do was let out a choked noise and force his hand to stop between them in an aborted motion towards his Wu Ming’s cheek.
For all of Xie Lian's hesitation, Wu Ming (or perhaps Hua Cheng with the confidence of a ghost king, or perhaps San Lang with the confidence of a friend) had no issue leaning into the touch until his chin rested in Xie Lian's grasp.
Xie Lian let his hand trail up the edge of the mask, his fingers running against Wu Ming's jawline. His brain didn't register how intimate the touch was, or how close they were, until Wu Ming's breath caught.
Xie Lian suddenly scooched back and scrubbed his hands over his face with a groan. He stood up and gently grabbed Wu Ming up with him. Somehow, in pulling Wu Ming up by his forearm, they ended up almost chest-to-chest, nose-to-nose again! Xie Lian felt his cheeks heat, and dashed backwards all would-be words forgotten. And then caught his foot in his robes, plummeting right towards the altar!
Wu Ming rushed forward and caught him by his triceps, pulling him back up until he was steady on his feet, but even then didn't release him. "Are you alright, Gege?"
Too close! And Xie Lian’s blush was officially permanent, but Wu Ming’s (San Lang’s?) voice woke up his brain and sent him from shocked to mortified. "Ahahaha, I'm fine! We're- that was close! All good though, right? Ah, I should check for, um, anything wrong! Hahaha..." he bit his tongue to cut off his anxious babbling and wrenched himself from Wu Ming's grasp to examine the altar for unlikely harm to it.
"Your Highness...are you sure you're alright?" Wu Ming tried again.
Xie Lian nodded vigorously and whipped back around, "The altar's fine! Good, right? Hahaha of course it's good!" He looked everywhere but at Wu Ming-- no, he switched his form--at San Lang's face, and his eyes landed on the door. "It's hot, let's get some air." He rushed out of the shrine with no added warning.
The breeze did wonders on his nerves and he stopped suddenly as he realized he was being silly and calmed down. Too suddenly, he realized, as San Lang ran into his back. "Ah, sorry!" he said, turning around.
He couldn't even blame his bad luck when he realized, once again, that they were too close. Closer than before even! The only one at fault was him and his nerves.
Before he could panic and back up, Hua Cheng grabbed his arms, his eyebrows scrunched with concern, "Your Highness, I upset you. I'm sorry, I won't use that form again…”
Xie Lian shook his head, "No, no, no! It didn't upset me. I'm sorry! I'm losing my head. Ah, I'm sorry. I did everything I said I wouldn't do…" Shame flooded him, and he didn't dare make eye contact with Hua Cheng.
“It’s my fault, Gege. I’m sorry…I lied and now you can’t trust me.”
Xie Lian looked up startled, “No! San Lang, you don’t need to be sorry. I still trust you more than anyone. I’m the one who messed everything up! I already knew that you– I should have just pretended–”
Hua Cheng pulled him into a tight hug, “Your Highness never has to pretend with me, no matter what. If you’re willing, please just tell me one thing?”
Xie Lian nodded into his chest.
“Do you…do you still feel that way about me?”
Xie Lian froze at the question. The question itself was easier to answer than any question that day, but he wasn’t sure that he was brave enough to say it.
He was terrified as he nodded once and as small as possible, but enough that Hua Cheng felt it and froze up. He was reassured too, because he’d never felt as safe as he felt in Hua Cheng’s hold.
He awaited the verdict like a criminal on trial for only a moment before a soft kiss was pressed against his hair.
He laughed when the truth caught up with him, he looked up into Hua Cheng’s eyes, “Really?”
“En, really!” Hua Cheng said with a smile, a lovesick smile, Xie Lian realized.
“The whole time?”
“En, the whole time,” he said, leaning in before kissing Xie Lian with no exchanged spiritual energy, or giving air, but just for the joy of kissing.
It was so gentle and sweet all the warring emotions Xie Lian had been feeling throughout the day were brushed away and replaced with unadulterated joy. They kissed and held each other close, simply and unapologetically in love.