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Numero Uno
Iruka wasn’t the strongest shinobi nor the wisest, but he had another thing going on for him and it was something people continuously failed to take into account.
“You’ll die here tonight, Konoha. Don’t cry when you lose,” said the Cloud shinobi, knife in hand and a wicked smile on his lips. Iruka regarded him coolly, counting silently in his head. “What? No comment?”
“I’m waiting,” said Iruka.
The Cloud shinobi frowned. “For what?”
”That,” said Iruka, pointing beyond the Cloud shinobi’s left shoulder. The Cloud shinobi’s expression cleared, a look of understanding flashing on his face.
“Ah. That,” he said, with the aloof air of someone who clearly did not believe what Iruka was saying.
“Maah… You noticed me? I thought I hid myself better than that.” The Cloud shinobi gasped, swirling just as Kakashi appeared in Iruka’s field of vision. In his hand the elite jonin had Icha Icha, open at the middle, and he waved cheerfully once he had the two shinobi’s attention. “Yo!”
Numero Dos
“That Umino. Did you hear? He climbed up the leg of Copy Nin Kakashi. Makes me jealous. Would have saved me years of hard work if I’d been born with an ass as nice as his.”
“Satori… Someone might hear.”
”So what? Everybody knows it’s true,” said Sayotomi Satori, bracing her hands on her hips.
“Well… He’s your next opponent, isn’t he?”
“Yes and I’ll crush him! He doesn’t stand a chance against my Flickering Fire Technique.”
“Hmm… That’s a bit harsh isn’t it?” said a third person. Satori turned to face him, her eyes thinning at the sight of the tokubetsu jonin sucking on a senbon.
“Shiranui-san,” she said coolly.
Genma had his hands in his pockets and he leaned back leisurely. “About what you said earlier. Don’t you think it’s a bit unfair badmouthing your opponent? He’s a chunin too… Picking on the weaker, that’s not cool, not cool at all.”
Satori turned to him fiercely, her hands fisting at her sides. “So you agree that he is weaker than me, then?”
“Well… I should hope so, tokubetsu-san,” said Genma. ”Anyway, it might be better for you to desist talking like that. You know how things get around in a base of shinobi…”
“I don’t care. It’s the truth,” sneered Satori. “Besides, what do you care? It is no business of yours what I say or don’t say about Umino-san.”
Genma scratched the back of his head idly. “It’s not like I care… Only things will be troublesome if word reaches the wrong ears.”
“Oh? You’re warning me that Hatake-san might come to his rescue?” Satori said with a slight smile. “The ever chivalrous boyfriend. Tell me, Shiranui-san, is it common knowledge that Hatake-san will come strike down anybody who dares oppose his dear little pet?”
“Eh…” Genma’s lips twisted up around the senbon in his mouth. “Should I say or should I not?” Satori’s eyes thinned.
“Satori…” said her friend, holding on to Satori’s skirt, keeping her put.
“How is your recent match history, Shiranui? In desperate need of a loss?” sneered Satori.
Genma’s grin widened. “I could take you on anytime, girly, but I don’t hit girls. Besides, I think things might get more interesting if I wait.” He took a step forwards, right into Satori’s personal space, the young woman not giving an inch under pressure he was exerting. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, girly.”
With those words he slunk past the fuming woman, barely avoiding brushing against her arm as he passed. Satori snarled deep in her throat, but she let the tokubetsu jonin go, already making plans in her mind.
She would defeat Umino Iruka. She would defeat the unrightfully prestigious chunin and pay Shiranui back at the same time. He would learn not to underestimate the Sayotomi Satori.
“Sorry, Umino. Your life got just a whole lot harder,” she snarled under her breath, cracking her knuckles.
”I don’t think she likes me much.”
“Rubbish. Why wouldn’t someone like you? You’re hot and kind and you make great food,” said Kakashi, turning a page on his book. The Princess had just been kidnapped by a handsome thief and Kakashi strongly suspected the two wound wound up having sex in the sewers—or before then, if they didn’t make it that far before being taken over by their overwhelming lust for each other. Kakashi secretly preferred the latter option and found, peeking a few pages ahead, that Jiraya’s thoughts had ran along similar tracks as his. Ah, perverts, reliable that way.
“I don’t know… When we met in the mission room earlier she seemed awfully tense and there was this, this look to her eye…”
“You’re looking too deeply into it,” said Kakashi confidently. Ah, so it was the rose garden that got them. Pesky roses and garden benches—Those, if of the right height, could be quite difficult to bypass even for the more restrained of them.
“You think so?”
“I’m sure of it. Enough about that. Did you already think about where we should go for lunch? There’s this nice garden on the other side of the village and I was thinking— “
“No,” said Iruka.
“No?”
Iruka didn’t even look up. “Absolutely not. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re thinking.”
“How could you know?” asked Kakashi, scowling. Not that Iruka didn’t have a right to decline or anything, but it may have bugged him a little to be shot down so soon.
“I’m not an idiot,” said Iruka, finally meeting Kakashi’s eye and there was slight smile dancing on the chunin’s lips so Kakashi surmised Iruka mustn’t have been very angry at the very least. “Your book features a rose garden on the cover, doesn’t it?” Kakashi turned the book in his hands to have a look. Iruka was absolutely correct.
Iruka leaned up to him, a curious, maybe a tad mischievous look in his eyes. “Are you at that point in the book? The rose garden?”
“Maybe,” said Kakashi grudgingly.
“Really?” said Iruka, voice dropping. Kakashi’s eye took a quick look around the room. Other than them there were only two chunin, drawn into a fierce discussion of maritime animals and their supposed sentience. “You wanted to take me on a picnic after having read about it in Icha Icha?”
“They’re just passing by. The woman is a princess. He’s a thief, kidnapping her,” Kakashi explained.
“Wait.” Iruka’s eyebrows furrowed in apparent confusion. “He kidnapped her? So they’re not having sex?”
“They are,” said Kakashi.
Iruka’s face fell and he stared at his boyfriend. Kakashi shuffled his feet.
“It’s a good book,” said Kakashi.
“I’m sure it is,” said Iruka.
Needless to say, they spent their lunch hour at Ichiraku’s.
“That’s odd,” said Iruka, frowning. ”Let’s wait another five minutes. I don’t think Satori-san would deliberately miss the match.”
“We can’t wait forever. We’ve got other matches, you know,” said Hayato, looking uncertain.
“But still…” said Iruka.
“Hey, hey. It’s all according to the rules! If you come late, you’re disqualified,” said Kotetsu from the sidelines.
“Maybe she’s hurt?” said Iruka, the increasing worry showing on his face.
Shiranui Genma, who curiously enough had come to watch his match though Iruka’s boyfriend had opted out, stepped forward. “No, no, there’s no need for that. I saw her outside earlier, playing with some children,” said Genma. He seemed to be in a very good mood considering the brightness of his smile.
“Oh,” said Iruka.
“Sayotomi forfeit, match goes to Iruka… I mean, to Umino!” called Hayato. Some persons clapped, though the balcony was mostly empty. Most persons would be working (they’d better be!) and it wasn’t like people were very interested in chunin anyway. “Congrats Iruka,” said the referee, smiling as warmly as he could manage despite the distinct paleness of his face.
“Thank you,” said Iruka, beaming.
Numero Tres
”Ra-ra-ra!”
”Naruto, get a grip!” snapped Sasuke. The Uchiha gritted his teeth; Naruto was a terror, but it was rarely worse than when the blonde’s former sensei was somehow concerned.
“RA-RA-RA— Sasuke bastard! Help me out a little! We’ve gotta make these bastards pay, dattebayo.”
“They’re small fry. Conserve your energy—Screw that, just try not to blow the place up. You know that Iruka-sensei is the first one who will suffer if we fail.”
“I-I know that! You don’t need to say it.”
”Then act like you know it. You’ve been completely berserk since we came to this place,” snapped Sasuke. His narrowed eyes turned to another enemy that attempted to sneak behind him. Heh, what an idiot.
“I-I’m just worried about Iruka-sensei, that’s all!”
“There’s nothing we can do but calmly take these guys out and hopefully reach their base in time. Take it easy. Iruka-sensei is tougher than he looks.”
”Iruka-sensei is the best, dattebayo!”
”Yes, yes. Now let’s rock these guys to the ground. It won’t be long until… NARUTO!”
“S-Sir.”
The man in the long robe and with a badly torn up face turned to glower att the young woman who had entered Iruka’s chamber. She was pale and her hands were shaking badly; She was obviously terrified, but trying hard to hide it.
“What is it? Can’t you see I’m busy,” said Iruka’s captor, gesturing to him. Iruka was tied to a chair, arms behind his back and shirt removed. He had a few cuts from his battles earlier, but most prominent was the knife sticking out of his shoulder.
“T-There’s a commotion o-outside,” the woman stuttered.
Iruka’s captor frowned. “Can’t you take care of it?”
“I-It’s…” The woman swallowed thickly, then straightened her back out. “It’s a tailed beast, sir. It has taken out half of our troops and is headed this way.”
Iruka’s captor let go of him, turning to gape at the woman who had entered. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“I’m afraid not, sir.”
“What about Hatake? Have you sighted him yet?”
“Negative.” The woman hesitated visibly, looking at Iruka’s captor through the corner of her eye.
“You might as well spill it out,” growled Iruka’s captor.
“Sir… I don’t think the plan panned out quite as we’d expected. It seems… It seems to me as if they’ve not sent Hatake-san as we’d expected.”
“Hatake would sit in the sidelines while his lover is captured? Don’t sprout bull to me,” growled Iruka’s captor.
“Who did you leave the message of my capture to?”
Both the woman and Iruka’s captor turned to Iruka when he spoke. Iruka’s face was swollen and he had trouble opening one eye, but he knew he had their combined attention.
“What difference does it make? Not that we need to tell you anything anyway, prisoner.”
“You let Naruto find it, didn’t you?” guessed Iruka.
“We left it on the table in your home,” said the woman.
“Kinoa,” hissed Iruka’s captor, eyes thinning in warning.
“Ah…” said Iruka, looking up at the ceiling. “Naruto has a habit of storming into my apartment randomly. He probably saw your note.” He let his eyes fall to his captor who both stood still as statues starting at him.
“Naruto?” inquired Iruka’s captor.
“The nine tails jinchuuriki,” responded Iruka promptly, grin widening as his two oppressors paled. “He’s a zealous one… Probably didn’t even think about alerting the authorities before he came. Sasuke probably had to do it for him.”
“You have a jinchuuriki randomly bursting into your apartment?” spluttered Kinoa. “On top of dating the Hatake Kakashi?”
Iruka’s grin, fairly innocent until then, darkened to be something dangerous. “Why? It’s a fair strategy isn’t it, to survive by gathering the strongest people possible around me?”
“Why do they care?” said Kinoa shrilly.
“It’s a bloodline limit. Anyway, you’d better prepare yourself. When Naruto is upset he’s rather— “A loud crash sounded, followed by long rumbling, as if half the hideout had come crumbling down. “Yes, like that.”
“IRUKA-SENSEI! WHERE ARE YOU? I PROMISE TO PAY YOU FOR THE RAMEN I FOUND IN YOUR KITCHEN IF YOU’RE ALR— Ack! Sasuke-bastard, I’ll kill you!”
“Sasuke means Uchiha Sasuke,” supplied Iruka helpfully.
“Of course he is. I’m not even surprised,” muttered Kinoa, letting her long sword fall to the floor.
“I’m alright. Honest. It’s just a few scratches.”
“I wanted to be the one to rescue you,” said Kakashi, pouting in way entirely unsuitable for a man of his age. Despite his childish behavior the jonin was running his hands down Iruka’s side so Iruka knew Kakashi had been worried. “By the time the I came home they’d dispatched the first team and before I could convince Tsunade to let me go we got the note saying you’re alright.”
“That’s good isn’t it? Means I got rescued quickly,” said Iruka.
“It means I was late.” Suddenly Kakashi’s voice took on clipped tones, the jonin’s lean body stiffening behind him.
Iruka put a hand on the jonin’s arm to calm him. “You weren’t late.”
“The fact they’d rescued you before I even knew you’d been kidnapped means I was late. This time things ended favorably, but those were my enemies and next time… “
“You wouldn’t have been late. Nobody expected Naruto’s involvement, not even them,” said Iruka. He didn’t bother claiming there wouldn’t be a next time. Likelihood was, there would. “I would have informed them of your tendency to be late if nothing else and the whole point was to attract your attention.”
Kakashi frowned. “That’s hardly something you want to put your future on. Enemies rarely listen to reason.”
“Rubbish,” said Iruka. “They’re people too, right? Just like us, with families, worries, needs and fears. I’m sure I could have reasoned with them. I mean, breaking the ice is kind of tricky in a hostile setting, but towards the end we had some kind of communication going. I’m sure, if given a little bit more time…”
“You’d have charmed them like you did with me?” asked Kakashi, sagging against Iruka’s neck.
“I talk with people. Maybe you should try it sometime?” grumbled Iruka, though he couldn’t be too angry with the jonin when he felt him pressing kisses into Iruka’s skin.
“I do. It’s not my fault if they don’t like what I say,” mumbled Kakashi in between his butterfly kisses.
“It totally is your fault. You do it on purpose!”
“Hm… Maybe.”
“It’s not a maybe, it’s totally.”
“Still, I’m pretty sure there are people who try to do what you do and yet fail. It’s not a talent just anybody possesses.”
“Of course not, because people don’t practice.”
Kakashi lifted his head in surprise. “You practice it? Charming people?”
“It’s not charming people per se, but communication. And, I guess, also a bit of self-knowledge. Happiness and comradery are a science and if I can induce those in people, they tend to be very affable in return.”
“You’ve developed a skill of making people happy and making them… Making people become friends?”
Iruka turned his head, flashing his boyfriend a smile. “Simply put, yes.” Kakashi leaned back slightly, but kept his hands on the chunin’s naked shoulders.
“And I fell for it?”
“Well…” Iruka scratched the side of his nose, looking down. “Shinobi in general tend to be a lonely and sad lot, and since the strongest ones spend their whole life training nothing but their battle skills… It’s not your fault really, but I thought, since I don’t have the talent to be anything special in that regard, why not practice something that I have an affinity for and be strong in that regard?”
“You make it sound like I’m a charity case.”
“No, no,” said Iruka quickly. “That’s not it at all. It’s more like… Like building an army.” Kakashi’s eyebrow rose and Iruka felt his cheeks flush. “No, that didn’t come out right either. It makes me sound like I’m planning a coup, doesn’t it?”
“Yes,” said Kakashi.
“That’s not it at all,” said Iruka, waving his hand in the air dismissively. “What I mean is… It’s kind of like your ninken.”
“My ninken?”
“Yes, only you’ve limited yourself to eight while I gradute one class of twenty to thirty students every year. That’s in addition to the ones I’ve picked up as adults.”
Kakashi’s eyebrow continued its way up and Iruka grinned.
“So, once I’ve got a few years’ worth of jonin and Hokages, you wanna spar?”
“Against all of them?”
“Technically you’re also ‘one of them’, so no, not all. I’ll even let you have Naruto if you want.”
“You really are building an army, aren’t you?”
Iruka, smiling, turned to press a kiss to his lover’s unmasked lips. “I promise to make you my right hand man. Oops—I mean, you already are. Didn’t you get the memo?”