Archive of Our Own ^beta

Andrew knew it was a terrible idea from the moment he agreed to it, but he had promised and he didn't break his promises, so here he was standing in front of his twin's house. He spent a moment reflecting on his life and regretting every decision that had led him to this point. Finally, he pulled himself together and was about to knock on the door when it suddenly swung open. Andrew glanced down and looked at one of his nieces.

“Uncle Andrew!” Ivy cried with delight, grinning from ear to ear. Andrew still didn’t understand why Aaron’s children liked him so much. “Why aren’t you knocking or just coming inside? You have a key.”

“Ivy, didn't your parents tell you that kids shouldn’t open front doors on their own? Especially when they don't know who's knocking?” he asked, skipping the greeting.

“You weren’t even knocking. I was watching the driveway through the window. And I'm not Ivy,” she said, folding her arms.

Here we go again.

The twins were identical and loved to exploit it. Andrew understood that because he and Aaron had also used that trait to their advantage. They switched places for numerous tests during their entire time in the education system. No one had ever noticed, so Andrew could understand that. It's just that they were fooling strangers because they knew that no one in their family would be fooled. Well, except for Uncle Luther, but he had always been an idiot.

The girls, on the other hand, believed that they could fool anyone, even their parents, and even more so their numerous uncles and aunts. Although each of the victims could tell them apart, they gave them the pleasure of pretending to have a problem with it. Andrew was the only one who didn't give them that satisfaction, much to the annoyance of both the twins and Aaron, who had to listen to their whining after each failed attempt and help them work out their next plan of attack. His brother has repeatedly asked him to just let them have this, but Andrew wouldn’t budge. If he was going to even pretend to be fooled, they'd have to try a little harder than just declaring that he had them mixed up. For this very reason, he responded:

“You are.”

“No, I’m not,” she persisted.

“Yes, you are.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Ivy, who are you talking to?” Aaron called from upstairs.

“Uncle Andrew!” exclaimed the girl in front of him, who was denying being Ivy.

Andrew raised an eyebrow at her questioningly, and she looked at him with incomprehension. After a moment, she realized what she had done, and she frowned nervously. She turned on her heel and started walking away toward the stairs, but after a few steps, she turned again, pointing her finger at him.

“It's not over yet!” she declared ominously.

“I wouldn’t even dare dream of it,” he sighed, letting himself into the house and closing the front door.

“Uncle Andrew!” the other twin shouted, running down the stairs.

Iris almost fell on the last step as she ran, but that didn't stop her from running into Andrew's leg and wrapping both arms around it. Ivy, as if she had just remembered their typical greeting, forgot that she was supposed to be offended and ran to wrap herself around the other leg. Andrew would let his nieces climb on his head and do somersaults on it, so he was completely unfazed by their touch. He patted the girls gently on their backs.

While Andrew was still immobilized, Katelyn and Aaron came down the stairs. They were both dressed elegantly, and maybe if they weren't Katelyn and Aaron, he might have thought they looked good. It was their anniversary today, so they were going out for dinner and a stay at a hotel with a spa and pool. That was why Andrew had been recruited to be a nanny. At first, he had been hesitant about the idea; he had never been left alone with the girls overnight before, it had always been Nicky's job, and Nicky, to his chagrin, had gotten sick. Andrew had considered turning it down, but had decided that even his annoying brother and slightly less annoying sister-in-law deserved a little relaxation.

“Girls, let your uncle move,” Katelyn asked as she stood in front of Andrew and his living pant legs, who didn’t care about the request. The woman sighed, as if the fact that she would get ignored wasn’t obvious even before she opened her mouth. “Thanks for staying with them.” Andrew just shrugged. Spending time with his nieces wasn’t a problem for him, even if he was a little terrified at the prospect of telling them bedtime stories.

“Maybe they won’t drain you of your limited life energy,” Aaron added, adjusting the collar of his shirt in the mirror.

Before Andrew could answer that maybe Aaron was just too out of shape to keep up with four-year-olds, which was just pathetic, there was a knock on the door in the hallway. Katelyn and Aaron exchanged puzzled glances, but something in Katelyn's eyes told him that she was just pretending.

“It's open!” Iris shouted.

Andrew was already opening his mouth to scold the girls' parents for not teaching them that they shouldn't be letting people into the house if they weren't sure who it was, and even if they did know, they should wait for an adult to do it. However, he was unable to even begin his statement because of the shriek that came from the throats of the twins.

“Uncle Neil!”

For fuck’s sake.

The girls left Andrew's legs to run like a shot from a catapult towards Ivy's godfather. Andrew turned to see Neil already crouched down, his arms spread, ready for a double attack. Even though, like every other member of the family, he had long ago learned how to crouch down in such a way that he wouldn't end up on the ground, two roadrunners flew into his arms, almost knocking him onto his back.

“Hi Ivy,” he said to Iris with a smile. “And hi, Iris!” he added to Ivy. The twins pulled away from him to give each other a smile and giggle.

“But I'm Iris!”

“And I’m Ivy!”

Neil made a surprised face and looked from one to the other as if he were watching a tennis match.

“Did I mix you up again? Oh my... Will you forgive me?” He stuck out his lower lip slightly in a pained grimace.

Andrew found himself hating him even more for that stupid question. As if anyone could stay mad at him when he looked like a kicked puppy. Andrew himself would forgive him and give him almost anything with that expression. Okay, not almost anything, but everything. And for that, he hated him even more.

The girls forgave him immediately, of course, and the grimace was replaced by a smile that lit up the entire hallway. Neil looked up at Andrew. Every switch in Andrew's brain instantly went off, as it always did when those blue eyes focused on him.

“Hey Andrew,” he said, and Andrew felt as if the ground was slipping away from under his feet.

Neil Josten wasn't a problem. Or rather, Neil Josten wasn't supposed to be a problem, couldn't be. He couldn't, shouldn't, and yet Andrew was slowly losing the ability to pretend, even to himself.

— ✩ — 

To be honest, it was all Katelyn's fault. When she told the story of her college friend who was on the run from his serial killer father a few years ago, no one believed her. But Wesninski finally caught him, and then he got murdered, and everything went online. So now everyone believed that Neil existed, but not that they were friends. Katelyn claimed that after being kidnapped by his father, Neil decided to drop out of college and go on a world tour, which is why they couldn't meet him. Andrew noticed that it didn't make sense, because according to the FBI report, he and his mother had managed to visit a dozen countries, so the boy should have had enough of the traveler's life by now. She responded to these accusations by saying that he hadn't had the opportunity to see the places he had been to before and wanted to experience the life of a tourist, not a runaway.

Aaron, of course, confirmed her every word, but no one believed him either. If his wife said the Earth was flat, he would defend her, too, so he was not a credible source.

The problem came when the girls also began to confirm their mother's story. This was the moment when it began to dawn on everyone that maybe Katelyn wasn't lying after all, because no matter how many times they asked Ivy and Iris about the man, their answers were consistent. However, they didn't have the chance to meet him, because Neil never showed up at the children's birthday parties. Instead, he always sent them ridiculously expensive gifts that were somehow related to the country he claimed to be in. This was the bane of Allison's existence, who was always trying to win their two-person war for the best gift, but Neil, who didn't even know about the annual battle, somehow always won.

Neil also came to visit them once a year and brought lots of presents, especially for the twins. He also sent them postcards from wherever he was and spoke to Katelyn regularly on Skype, and as Iris and Ivy got older, he called them as well. All four of them repeated this, but they wouldn't show any evidence. They could have easily invited their friends over when Neil visited, or called them, or they could have shown them some pictures of him. But Katelyn was pissed that for four years no one believed her, even with evidence, so she said that now she was not going to prove anything to them, and they would only meet her friend at their wedding. It got to the point that she collected all the evidence of his existence, such as postcards, photos, and gifts, and hid them in the attic under lock and key.

What she didn't realize was that a lock and key wouldn't be able to stop Andrew.

Once, when they went on vacation for a week, Andrew was coming over to their house to water Katelyn’s flowers and make sure the building and its contents were where they had left them. Only a fool would pass up such an opportunity, especially when the woman herself had told him where she had hidden the things.

The entire attic was piled with gifts from Neil, but those weren't what he was looking for. He needed something more specific, something that would at least give him a little insight into who Katelyn's mysterious friend was.

When he finally found the right box, his black clothes were gray with dust, which seemed to be on every inch of his body. The box was full of postcards. Andrew picked each one up and looked at it from both sides. Stockholm, Bergen, Rotterdam, Lausanne, Paris, Verona, Vienna, Bucharest, Madagascar, Nepal, Beijing, Cracow. The housekeeper, Grandma Natalia, makes awesome pierogi, almost as good as my own Grandma Józia's. Kiss Ivy and Iris from me, I bought them Wawel dragon plushies. I have a Highlander axe for you, in case you decide to get rid of Aaron. I also have Lublin cider for him, the favorite of Grandma Natalia and her rosary group. Neil.

The messages are mostly short, but none of them are as effusive in their feelings as those from Nicky and Erik. Neil prefers to report what he liked about a place rather than lie about wishing the recipients were there with him. The one constant in each postcard is his name, scribbled on the bottom right corner of the card. Neil. Andrew runs his fingertip over each signature. 

Huh, so you're not a hallucination, you actually exist.

At the very bottom of the box are two photos. One of them is of a dozen or so people, most of whom look like typical nerds who get bullied by popular girls, like in almost every movie his friends have forced him to watch. On the wall behind the figures is a sign that says it's Katelyn's college math club. Andrew finds her without a problem, hanging on the arm of a guy who's too good-looking to be one of the bullied nerds and not Aaron. Well, I've got you.

The quality of the photo is so terrible that Andrew wonders if it was taken with a microwave. He can't tell anything except that the boy is a little shorter than Katelyn, has black hair, and looks uncomfortable. Like he's afraid of something and ready to sprint for the nearest door at any moment. Andrew is amused to note that it resembles a panicked rabbit.

The next photo Andrew finds is both his salvation and his curse.

The quality is incomparably better than on the other one, so Andrew can look. This time, the only people in the photo are Katelyn and Neil. It's night, but thanks to the flash, you can see them. They're both looking straight at the camera, the girl smiling broadly, but her friend's face is subtly twisted in surprise, as if he hadn't known until now that a phone had the option of shining a light in his face. Andrew, looking into his eyes, sees the same rabbit look he had earlier.

After seeing the previous photo, Andrew thought Kate's friend was handsome, but now he realized that the term beautiful was more fitting, which is quite strange because he has the look of a cat taking a shit in the desert, who was caught red-handed. Andrew is even ready to admit that he is one of the most beautiful boys he has ever seen in his life. He doesn't know how much time he spends looking into those brown eyes. Certainly too much to consider it normal, but he can't help the fact that there is something hypnotizing about them.

Andrew had hidden the contents of the box, making sure everything was in the same place. And if every time the family went away and left him the keys, and he went up to the attic to look at the picture of Neil, no one needed to know.

Unfortunately, Andrew realized very quickly that it was not he who caught Neil, but Neil who caught him.

Aaron and Katelyn wanted their daughters to be the flower girls at their wedding, so they waited until they were old enough to do so. The bride had been adamant from the start that Neil would be there, so everyone was just as excited about the wedding as they were about meeting him. He was supposed to be one of Aaron’s groomsmen, so with each hour that passed without him showing up, Andrew began to believe less and less that he would show up. He tried to pretend that he was only disappointed as Aaron’s best man, but the truth was that he was looking forward to meeting him.

When the ceremony was supposed to start in half an hour and everyone had already concluded that the man wouldn't show up at all, Andrew heard someone behind him talking frantically. "Aaron, I'm so sorry, I swear it's not my fault, the flight was delayed and I forgot to charge my phone and I had no way to let you know or call a cab, so I had to walk a bit and hitchhike, but as you can see, I'm here and—" He stopped when Andrew turned to him. “Oh. Andrew? I'm Neil Josten.”

So it turned out that Neil in the photo was not even one percent equal to Neil in physical form. He wasn't one of the most beautiful men Andrew had seen in his life. He was the most beautiful of them all. And this is where the big trouble began.

The man standing in front of him was quite different from the one in the photo. The brown eyes must have been colored contact lenses. Andrew thought it would be better for his health if Neil still had them. He had never seen eyes that blue before. Despite the warmth with which they looked at him, there was something icy about them. Andrew felt he could drown in them, even if it meant freezing to death. In contrast to the icy gaze, the sun's rays falling on Neil made his hair seem to burn with living fire. His face was covered in scars, but they didn't take away from his charm. They just made him look dangerous. Andrew liked it. He really, really liked it.

Neil had become the main attraction at their table. It turned out he was only there for two days, so they had to squeeze as much information out of him as they could. Every time Kate or Aaron caught his eye, they gave him an apologetic look, but it seemed they had prepared him well for the meeting with the idiots and Andrew, whom they called their friends. He managed to avoid all the questions he didn't want to answer, which was admirable, considering Allison had a lot of money to win. He talked as if he were prepared to fend off an attack from all sides. He was so adept at distracting them that most of the time it ended with the person trying to get something out of him going on a monologue for a few minutes, during which he nodded occasionally to show that he was listening.

Andrew, on the other hand, didn't say a word to him. Neil's appearance alone unsettled him, and every time he opened his mouth, it aroused more interest in him. He couldn't afford to talk to him, because if it turned out that they could find common ground, there would be no salvation for Andrew. So he kept his distance, even though he felt Neil’s eyes on him, too many times for it to be a coincidence. It didn't matter. In two days, he would be gone anyway.

Besides wanting to pull information out of Neil, they were trying to get him drunk. They probably wanted to see him without any inhibitions, and to see if he would be suitable for their outings to Eden’s when he dropped in for a visit. The man, however, refused to drink alcohol because he didn’t like it, but that information went in one ear and out the other. Andrew remembered Katelyn once mentioning that he disliked alcoholic beverages because he gets drunk pretty quickly and loses control over what he says. After another come one, just one drink, Andrew got up from the table and, pretending to be the groom, grabbed vodka and water from the kitchen. He poured the vodka down the sink, rinsed it thoroughly, and poured water into the bottle. He returned to the table when another invitation to drink was made.

“I’ll pour him a drink,” he said. Everyone but Neil shouted happily, but the man looked at him, shaking his head. Andrew leaned toward him. “Trust me,” he said quietly, looking into his eyes.

It was a mistake. They were way too close. Andrew could count all the freckles that decorated his face. He hadn't even noticed that he had them before. Damn it. But he couldn't back out now, so he waited, watching Neil try to see something on his face. He must have found what he was looking for, because finally the tension in his eyes disappeared and he nodded.

Andrew poured Neil and himself some “vodka”, announcing that it was their private bottle, because he intended to make his neighbor drunk. He expected that Neil would first try to see what was in his glass, but he downed the drink in one go. This gesture of boundless trust was completely incomprehensible to Andrew. After swallowing, he grimaced, which made Matt immediately offer him juice to wash it down, which he took gratefully. Andrew felt his searching gaze on him, but decided to ignore it, feigning great interest in Aunt Maria, who was trying to get Aaron to dance.

Neil had been giving him curious glances before, but now Andrew felt those blue eyes on him almost all the time. He tried to ignore him at all costs, but he felt goosebumps every time their eyes met. He'd be gone in two days. Get a grip.

Later, the idiots were so drunk that Andrew simply looked them in the eye and poured juice straight from the carton into his and Neil’s glasses. And they were happy that Neil had broken down and was drinking with them. Morons. All morons. Expect Renee, who knew from the start what her friend was doing, and her only comment was an approving smile.

The idiots, including the bride and groom, were having a great time, and Andrew managed to ignore Neil, who no longer had to avoid intrusive questions. Plus, their drunken state — they completely forgot about their mission and bets. So, overall, everything was going suspiciously well.

But they were still idiots, so of course it all went to hell in the end.

And it was all Nicky's fault. Everyone kept asking him to stop mixing drinks because it made him lose any filter he had. He had to mix it anyway, and Erik, as always, couldn't keep an eye on him because he was busy dancing with Katelyn and her grandmother. So as Neil stood at the buffet, probably wondering which fruit to put on his plate, Nicky approached him and asked if he'd like to have a threesome with him and Erik. Andrew didn't hear his cousin's words, but he was watching them from a distance, so he saw the moment Neil's eyes went wide and his face turned the color of a plump tomato. Nicky then had the nerve to come over to their table and complain that not only did Neil not like guys, but he didn't like girls either, or anyone at all.

When Aaron heard about it, Nicky got hit in the back of his head, then on the shoulder, then on the other, and in the chest, and if it hadn't been for Erik, he probably would have gotten punched in the face too. Meanwhile, the groom was yelling at him, and after he finished hitting him, he continued to scold him for another fifteen minutes. Andrew suspected that it took him so long because his brother was getting ready to go to his wife's friend and apologize for their idiotic cousin. He figured that since it was his big day, he could take that burden off his shoulders. When he suggested it, Aaron was overjoyed—probably both because he wouldn't have to do it (it probably hadn't yet occurred to him that if Katelyn found out, he'd have to go with her and the culprit to apologize again anyway) and because he could continue yelling at Nicky.

It took him a while to find Neil, who had run to the fence of the estate where the wedding was taking place. Andrew saw him lying on the grass, gazing at the stars. As he approached, he saw that there were two glasses of drinks next to him, one empty, the other half-empty. Neil tensed as he heard footsteps, but when he turned his head and saw Aaron’s best man, he relaxed again. Andrew tried not to overinterpret his reaction.

  “Hey, Andrew,” he said with a beautiful, stupid smile, as Andrew stood over him. Like they hadn’t spent the last few hours sitting next to each other. Idiot. “Allison brought me two drinks before I ran off as a group apology for Nicky. I was going to pour them out, but I guess they had to pay for them and they smelled so good…” He was clearly tipsy, his tongue getting all tangled up and his eyes shifting. After not even two drinks. Katelyn wasn’t kidding about him being a lightweight.

He reached for his unfinished drink, as if he were going to finish it, so Andrew kicked the glass, spilling its contents onto the grass. Neil gave him a grimace that was probably meant to be an annoyed look. He looked like a pissed-off puppy.

“You’ve had enough,” he explained.

He continued to give him a “threatening” look, as if to say that he was going to drink it. Andrew looked at him impassively. There was a crash from the garden where the party was going on, and Neil quickly turned to face him. When he looked back at Andrew, a smile was already decorating his lips. 

“Come here and look.” Andrew obediently laid down on the spot he indicated. “Do you see that? That's my constellation. Capricorn. The FBI changed my name, but they wouldn't change Neil's birthdate to March, so it stayed that way.” Andrew stiffened. It was the first time the man had mentioned his past today. And it was on his own free will, and to Andrew. But that didn't matter. He probably didn't have any filter because of the alcohol, and he didn't understand what he had just said. As if to confirm that explanation, he continued as if nothing had happened. “It's the smallest constellation of the zodiac signs. It's also the darkest, it's a miracle we can see it here.” The same as Neil being here. Alive . And smiling at Andrew, unaware and, as it turned out, uninterested in what this fact was doing to him. “And there's your Scorpio. No, that's Sagittarius, a little further on... Yes, that's exactly it! Look, that's its brightest star, hundreds of times brighter than the sun. It’s called Antares.” He looked at Andrew with an amused smile. “Your names are quite similar.”

Andrew didn’t know if anyone was looking for them, but they didn’t return for the wedding. They spent more than three hours talking on the grass. They only gathered after watching the sunrise. Or rather, after Neil watched the sunrise and Andrew watched him. His hair reflected the stars, his tired but happy eyes, the freckles decorating his face like sparkles, and the lazy smile on his full lips. Andrew, perhaps for the first time, thanked the universe for his eidetic memory, knowing that on his deathbed, he would be able to recreate this image in his head and die with a smile.

The next day at the after-party, everyone within a ten-kilometer radius heard Katelyn's scream when Neil told her he was going to stay permanently and needed help looking for an apartment.

That was exactly a year ago, and since then, Andrew hasn’t had a day of peace.

— ✩ — 

So, Neil Josten was not simply a problem. He was the biggest problem that Andrew had faced. And as if the fact that he was a walking disaster himself wasn't enough, he tended to cause a dozen problems a week. Today couldn’t be any different, and Andrew was his victim.

“I’m sorry, Neil,” Katelyn said, embarrassed. “Andrew texted at the last minute that he could watch the girls after all. Maybe my text didn't get through.”

The twins released Neil from their iron grip, allowing him to stand up and pull out his phone to check. “Oh no, I didn’t get anything,” he confirmed, frowning. “Well, if someone’s going to look after them, then I’ll go,” he said and started to back away.

He managed to take exactly one step.

“NO!” The girls screamed at the same time. Iris threw herself at his leg, since leg imprisonment was their usual trick to keep someone inside the house, if said person was trying to escape against their will. Ivy, however, simply jumped on him, knocking him to the floor with a thud. Neil groaned in pain as his head hit the floor.

Katelyn gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, and Aaron failed to hide his laughter in time, which earned him a punch in the arm from his wife. Andrew just stared, trying to see if the man was still able to move.

“Don't go!”

“We can have two nannies!” Iris added. “Pretty purple!”

“Uncle Andrew, you can both stay, right?” Ivy turned to him, giving him her best pleading eyes. Her sister turned back with the same expression.

When the girls looked at Aaron this way, he was ready to agree to anything, which Andrew always made fun of. Mostly to distract everyone from the fact that he couldn't say no to them, then either.

“Sure,” he said. “We can both stay.”

“Hurrah!” they shouted.

They quickly got off the fallen man to jump with joy, holding hands. And Neil still laid there, looking like a run-over frog. Without the two demons sitting on him, it was obvious that he was still breathing.

“Unless Neil has a concussion,” Katelyn said, horrified. “Aaron, is he okay?”

“I don't know, does he normally just lay like that without moving?”

“Aaron!”

With a sigh, Aaron walked over and tapped Neil on the shoulder with his shoe.

“Are you alive, Josten? If you see me double, it's only Andrew.”

“Fuck you, Aaron,” he hissed, low enough so that the squealing girls next to him wouldn’t hear it.

“See, Neil's all right! Whole and sound and ready to go!” he declared, showing him with his hands, as if he was presenting a new exotic species at the zoo.

The squeals quieted down.

“What?! But Uncle Andrew agreed!’ Ivy rightly pointed out, crossing her arms.

“Yes, but I don’t.”

“Nobody asked you.” Iris also crossed her arms.

Aaron stared at his daughter indignantly, and Katelyn tried to muffle her laughter with her hand. Seeing that he wouldn't get support from his wife, he sought it from his brother, sending him a look that said Who taught her that? . Andrew, however, did not support him either, busy nodding to Iris with approval and a smile on his face. Besides, he guessed that the culprit was the person who was trying to get up after being knocked out by the girls.

“We’re staying with the uncles,” Ivy said, and Iris nodded.

“Absolutely not.” Aaron shook his head in response.

“Says who?” they asked in chorus with their mother.

Aaron gave his wife a questioning look.

“Kate, have you ever seen them behave like civilized people in each other's company? Because I didn't. I'm not giving them the perfect opportunity to kill each other in front of my kids.”

Well, Aaron may have a point. But it's not Andrew's fault.

The few hours they spent under the stars at Katelyn and Aaron's wedding had been a mistake. Andrew knew it as soon as he laid down on the ground next to the man, but he'd told himself that he'd be gone soon anyway, so it wouldn't hurt to relax for a moment and have a good time. Even when he felt Neil pull him closer with each sentence they exchanged, it didn't matter. Two days and he'd be gone. Two days and Andrew would forget that it had only taken a few hours for him to feel more for him than for anyone else.

But a year passed, and Neil was still here, and Andrew was slowly losing his mind.

His feelings were supposed to fade, but it quickly turned out that with every conversation they had, they only grew, and Andrew didn't know what to do with them. Neil was like a drug to him. Neil wasn't interested. Andrew knew that, and he knew he had to get a grip; he knew better than to want something he could never have. So Andrew reacted to his feelings for the man as expected. He decided to simply ignore him. Neil had been immediately adopted into their group of friends, which meant that they saw each other too often, and sometimes he had no choice but to talk to him, so he was simply mean to him. He intended to scare him away this way. Unfortunately, Neil is an even bigger idiot than all of their friends put together, so he took this as an encouragement and a challenge.

He had noticed a difference in Andrew's demeanor when they were alone under the stars and when they were with the others, and he had assumed it had something to do with their company. So when Andrew would go out for a smoke, Neil would follow close behind. At first, he tried to get rid of him, but Neil was like an annoying mosquito, and finally, Andrew gave up because, after all, he couldn't just kill him with a flip-flop. Such a shame.

Now, when they were with their friends, they were always mean to each other, so everyone thought they hated each other. From Renee's report, he learned that the others thought their smoking trips were a temporary truce, since they were the only smokers in the group and they simply shared their cigarettes. No one had to know that, outside of smoking nicotine, they talked to each other as if they were close. And maybe they were, but they didn't see themselves in the same way. And Andrew respected Neil too much as a person and as a family member to tell him how he felt. He knew that the feeling wasn’t mutual, so there was no point in ruining their relationship and risking what it would do to their friends and the twins. Andrew would get over it someday. Probably. Hopefully.

“They never behave like civilized people,” Katelyn snorted. Okay, fair enough. “And neither do you.”

The twins giggled. Aaron huffed indignantly. Katelyn raised an eyebrow at him, and he returned her gaze, and they engaged in a staring contest. Neil and Andrew exchanged a resigned look, knowing Aaron had lost before he even voiced his opposition.

“Okay, fine!” Aaron gave in, throwing his hands in the air. The girls screamed in delight. “But if they kill each other and traumatize our kids, it’ll be your fault!” he told his wife and headed upstairs. The woman just rolled her eyes.

Katelyn began to give them any guidance they needed. Andrew felt that information like towels with princesses are for girls was unnecessary since Aaron probably wouldn’t be interested in wiping his ass in Cinderella’s face, but he said nothing and listened intently. He knew that the twins loved their sleepovers with Nicky, and even though he was unlikely to ever match him in being a cool and fun uncle, he wanted to do everything right so that they would have a good memory of the day.

Aaron finally came downstairs with their suitcase and called out to Katelyn, who quickly finished her lecture. Everyone went outside to say goodbye.

The girls were busy showing Neil the new gnome in the garden, and Aaron was packing the luggage into the car. Katelyn took advantage of the moment when the others were distracted to stand in front of her brother-in-law.

“I've watched your heart eyes towards Neil long enough,” she said, and Andrew froze. “So I've decided to take matters into my own hands. The girls will go to sleep quickly after they play at the playground. You'll have plenty of time to talk, certainly more than your ten-minute cigarette breaks. Don't screw this up, and thank me later.”

Andrew finally understood why Katelyn didn't seem really surprised by the knock on the door, nor by the appearance of her friend, and how her message didn't reach him. There was no message. He realized that not only was he not hiding his feelings as well as he thought, but he was perfidiously deceived and fell into the trap.

Andrew was so surprised that he couldn’t hide it on his face, and Katelyn only sent him a satisfied smile, proud that she had figured him out without being noticed. Andrew didn't know how to respond; he couldn't find the words. He was grateful that at that moment, Aaron announced everything was ready for the trip. His sister-in-law turned away from him and went to say goodbye to her children.

Katelyn and Aaron waved to their daughters as they drove out of the driveway. Ivy and Iris waved them away, Neil waved to Katelyn with one hand and stuck out his middle finger to Aaron with the other, but Andrew, who had regained control of his body, focused all his energy on sending the woman his most murderous stare. Katelyn smiled brightly at him in return and had the audacity to wink at him.

Andrew decided he would kill her. Surely the girls would cope without their mother. Dumb, nosy ginger.

— ✩ —

“Okay, let’s go to the playground,” Andrew said as they walked back into the house.

A new playground had been built in the area a few days ago, and Katelyn had promised the girls they would visit whenever they could. That day was supposed to be today, which certainly had nothing to do with the twins running out and quickly falling asleep, leaving Andrew alone with Neil. Damn, she had thought this through too well. Andrew knew Katelyn had more brain cells than her husband, which wasn't all that hard, but this was too much.

Andrew was already reaching for the girls' bag when Iris grabbed him by the armband and gently yanked him toward the living room. Seeing Neil being similarly led into the room by his little finger, he allowed himself to be pulled along. The girls told them to sit on the carpet, and sat down opposite them.

“Time for twenty questions,” Iris said.

“Twenty questions?” Neil asked.

“Yes, every sleepover has to start with this game so that we get to know each other better, and we'll let you sleep here.”

“It’s Uncle Nicky’s rule. He says it tightens our bond,” Ivy added helpfully.

Andrew wrote down Nicky’s name in his mind alongside Katelyn’s. He’ll kill them both.

“Okay, but what is it about?”

“You’re so painfully unsuited for life in society that every time you remind me of it, I’m still shocked.” Andrew snorted. Neil sent him a confused look. Andrew sighed. “We just ask each other about things we want to know, and the person being asked has to answer honestly.”

“No, we ask you questions and you answer. We don’t give any answers,” Ivy corrected him.

“And why’s that?”

“None of your damn business,” she replied proudly.

Neil unsuccessfully tried to stifle his laughter, and Andrew raised an eyebrow at her. “Who taught you that?”

“The Internet,” Iris said.

“Uncle Nicky,” Ivy replied at the same time.

“Hey! Uncle Nicky said that if someone asks us that, it means he taught us something he shouldn't have, and we should blame it on the internet!” she whispered to her sister. Although it was hard to call it whispering, since not only Neil and Andrew, but probably the neighbors also heard them. The girls hadn't mastered the technique of speaking quietly yet.

“Oh, actually… We found it on the internet,” Ivy corrected herself.

“Where exactly?”

“On TikTok,” Iris replied, which Ivy confirmed with a nod.

“Who introduced you to TikTok?” Andrew probed.

The twins looked at each other with panic in their eyes, as if searching each other's faces for the answer to this complicated question.

“Uh, the Internet?” Ivy replied, confused, looking at her sister, who just spread her arms in resignation.

“That's stupid,” she said.

“Then say something smarter! Uncle Nicky didn't prepare us for such a question!”

Andrew pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, feeling Neil's amused gaze on him. God help him.

“Okay, whatever,” he sighed, deciding it would be Aaron’s problem. “Let's play and go to the park.”

“Why did you stop traveling?” Ivy asked immediately, looking at Neil.

“We are very happy, but we want to know the reason.”

“Everyone wants to.”

“Like mommy. She's your friend, and you didn't even tell her! That's rude,” Iris said resentfully.

“I think you should start with Uncle Andrew,” Neil replied, avoiding the gazes of all three.

‘Why?”

“Because he's older, and older people have priority?”

And as if they hadn't just asked Neil a question that he had very clumsily evaded, “Why don't you have a wife?’ Ivy asked without ceremony, looking directly at Andrew.

“I'm not interested,” he replied calmly.

“In marriage or women?” she continued.

“That's another question,” he noted.

“Don't evade, just answer.” Iris crossed her arms.

“Both.”

“Why aren’t you interested in marriage?” Iris persisted now.

“A better question is why he's not interested in women! They're pretty and smell good, and men are disgusting. They eat their snots!” Ivy observed with a disgusted expression.

“I know!’ Iris said, pretending to throw up. Aaron probably won't have to chase the boys away from the twins, but the twins from other girls. Andrew couldn't wait. “But Daddy said you don't choose it, you're born that way, so that's a stupid question. Mine's better.” After a moment's thought, Ivy nodded. “So why aren't you interested?”

“I want to point out that this is another question.”

“Yes, I can count to three. We have fifteen more to go.”

“Seventeen,” Neil corrected her.

The girl spread her fingers in front of her, frowning, and her sister immediately stretched out hers as well to help, and they began to calculate how many fingers they would have if they took away three of them. Andrew looked resentfully at Neil.

“And thou too, Brutus, against me? We'll see what you do when they get to you.”

“They're just little kids,” he snorted. “They won't start asking complicated questions.”

“They already have,” he muttered, turning his head towards the girls.

After a moment of silence, the girls finally finished counting.

“Seventeen,” Iris agreed. “Now speak.”

“I've never met anyone I want to be with who wants the same thing,” he replied, ignoring the piercing gaze of the man sitting next to him.

“So you like someone, but they don't like you?”

Andrew didn't feel like answering that question, and it would have been easier to just lie. But as someone who had taught them to be truthful since they were little, he couldn't do that. It didn't matter that they would never know. But he couldn't tell them the whole truth either, so he decided:

“Sort of. It's complicated.”

“Who is it?” they asked simultaneously. Out of the corner of his eye, he glanced at Neil, who looked as if he was barely keeping himself from asking the same question.

“Do we know him?” He is sitting in front of you.

“Does he eat his own snot?” I hope not.

“Is he pretty?” The prettiest.

“I think it's Neil's turn now,” he said, interrupting the barrage of questions. “You haven't really asked him any questions yet. He probably feels a little left out.”

He knew he was playing dirty here, since as siblings they took treating everyone equally very seriously, but he had to stop them somehow. He couldn't give away too many details, after all. Neil wasn't very bright about these things, but even his stupidity had its limits. Probably.

“How many friends do you have?” Ivy asked immediately, and they both turned to give him curious looks.

“You know,” he said slowly, “I’m friends with your mom and her friends.”

“Aren’t you also friends with Daddy?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Well, it’s Aaron,” he replied, as if it were obvious. Andrew understood him perfectly, but the twins looked at each other with furrowed brows.

“So you have what, eight friends?”

“Seven,” Andrew corrected her.

“How do you know that?” Ivy asked accusingly.

“Because, unfortunately, I also spend time with them.”

“But there are ten of you,” Iris said, looking at her fingers. “Daddy and Uncle Neil don’t count. That means mommy, Uncle Nicky, Aunt Allison, Aunt Renee, Aunt Dan,” she took a finger away for each person, “Uncle Matt, Uncle Kevin, and you. Do eight people.”

“I'm not friends with him,” Andrew corrected her.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t like him,” he replied immediately.

He actually hated him, but he couldn't say that in front of the kids. As it turns out, according to their mom, hatred was a bad emotion, and girls shouldn’t hate anyone. Andrew didn't know what that was about; if a kid at kindergarten was annoying like Neil, then they should be giving them hate looks every time they saw them. But he had no intention of interfering with Katelyn’s parenting methods, so he said nothing about it.

“It's not nice to talk about someone like that when they're right next to you,” Ivy said. “It's rude.”

“But it's true, and you know what I've been telling you since you were little.”

“That you must never lie and always tell the truth, even if it hurts or you don't want to admit it,” Iris recited helpfully.

Andrew nodded in approval.

“I feel personally attacked,” Neil whispered.

“If the shoe fits, Pinocchio.”

Neil smiled at him, shaking his head as if in disbelief. The girls, on the other hand, watched them closely.

“How many friends do you have?” Iris asked, looking at Andrew.

“One.”

The twins looked at him in confusion. “What about your friend group?”

“I'm forced to be around them because of Renee. I don't like any of them.”

“What about Uncle Kevin?” Ivy asked.

Here, they didn't even comment on the fact that he didn't include their father among his friends. Probably because Katelyn had told them how Aaron and Andrew supposedly show their love by being mean to each other.

“I’m not friends with that… man,” he replied, barely keeping himself from saying moron.

“No, he's your best friend.”

Katelyn's fucking moralistic upbringing.

“Renee is my best friend. I don't like Kevin.”

“You just reminded us that it's not okay to lie,” Neil said, again interfering to Andrew’s disadvantage. He'll deal with him too.

“And I'm not lying,’ he said. ‘Besides, this is your fourth question for me, and Neil only got one. Don't skip him.”

“Why don't you have a wife?”

“Or a husband,” Iris added.

It took just one comment for the girls to completely lose interest in Andrew and set a new goal for the interview. The attention spans of these children were truly incredible, but Andrew didn’t complain in this situation.

“Uh, I… um…” Neil Josten, at a loss for words. Hell seemed to have just frozen over. “Well, I…” He scratched the back of his head. “It's complicated…”

Andrew froze. It was complicated because he didn't want to explain to them that he didn’t swing, or was it complicated because someone changed that? Someone he hadn't mentioned to his friends, someone he hadn’t mentioned to Andrew. Someone who had made his heart beat harder and faster than it should have, even though he thought it was impossible. Andrew felt his own heart rise to his throat.

“Uncle Andrew already said so, we won't let him get away with it again,” Iris said firmly.

“I…” He looked at Andrew, as if searching for some kind of answer. “I guess I haven't met the right person yet. Or maybe I have... I don't know what I feel.”

He doesn't know what he feels, but he feels something, and if he notices it, then something is really going on. Neil has feelings for someone, someone who is not Andrew. And when he tells that person, who will surely be over the moon, because who wouldn't be, it's Neil, Andrew will have to watch. Change of plans. Andrew will first kill Katelyn, then Nicky, then Neil, and finally himself.

“So their love lives are pathetic,” Iris concluded, then looked intently at Ivy.

Andrew knew that look. And not just because the girls were doing it all the time. He and his twin were giving each other such looks just as often. His nieces were having a telepathic conversation. It didn't bode well.

“You both have too few friends and neither husband nor wife,” Iris reminded.

“So you should get to know each other better,” Ivy began.

“Then you will become friends.”

“And then you'll fall in love and get married.”

“And you will have more friends and a husband.”

“So when can we set you up on a date?” Ivy finally asked. They both looked at them expectantly.

Retreat. Immediate retreat. Before the gears in their brains start spinning too fast, and nothing can stop them.

“I don't think this is a good idea,” Andrew began, giving a terrified Neil a look that urged him to use his last brain cell to save them both from this disaster.

“Why not? You don't think Uncle Neil’s pretty? He's pretty for a boy.” Iris frowned, as if she didn't understand how anyone could think Neil wasn’t gorgeous. Andrew understood her perfectly.

“I'm not saying he’s not. That's not the point.”

“Maybe Uncle Neil doesn’t like Uncle Andrew’s face!” Ivy exclaimed. “Do you think he’s ugly?”

“He’s not ugly,” he said immediately.

“Well, it’s a date then,” Iris decided, clapping her hands. “I’ll get the calendar and we’ll set a date.”

“If we go to the park now, you can give us a makeover! We'll let you put on makeup and paint our nails!” Neil blurted out quickly.

Fuck, retreat, but not like that. Anything but that.

He didn't even have a second to deny it, because the girls screamed happily and ran into the hallway. Andrew had been avoiding becoming a client at their beauty salon for over a year. He was doing so well, and Neil had fucked it up in five seconds. He shot him a murderous glare.

“What was I supposed to do? You always say no to them, I knew they'd forget what we were talking about in a second,” he said, shrugging.

Andrew looked him straight in the eye. “I'll kill you.”

“Every time you say that, I believe you a little less.”

“It will be a painful death,” he continued.

“They're just four-year-olds with some eyeshadow and nail polish. You'll live,” he snorted, rolling his eyes.

“But you won't. Next time you follow me out onto the balcony, I'll push you off.”

“You can try,” he replied, getting up from the floor. “But as I always warn you, I'll drag you with me,” saying this, he gave him a charming smile and went after the girls.

Andrew sighed. This was going to be the longest day of his life.

— ✩ — 

The playground was huge. It had several swings, two carousels, two slide houses, a rope pyramid, a large shipwreck, and several other pieces of equipment. In the mirror, he could see the girls looking at the objects with their eyes shining with delight. Andrew didn't know much about children's standards, but seeing the vast possibilities, he understood his nieces' excitement. Neil, on the other hand, was looking dreamily at the equally large pitch just next to the playground, to which Andrew commented by rolling his eyes.

They got out of the car and headed to the playground. That had been the plan all along, so Andrew had no idea how he had ended up on the field, playing football with a bunch of kids. But he knew it was Josten's fault, whispering conspiratorially with the twins just before they changed course. The same Josten who kept getting in Andrew's way to stop him from getting the ball.

Andrew wanted to ram him and throw him to the ground.

And when Neil took the ball away from him again, it dawned on him that he could do it. After all, accidents happen, especially during football matches. Even in these where the average age of the players, is six years old.

Neil stood at the other end of the pitch, watching his teammates pass the ball around. Andrew saw the kids start to pass it to the man who would score a goal. Not on his watch.

The little boy kicked the ball to his teammate, and she started running toward Neil. Andrew did the same. As soon as the ball from the player got to Neil, the man looked straight at Andrew, who was only a few steps away. Andrew ran into him, stopping immediately after the impact so as not to lose his balance. What he didn't expect was that Neil, trying to find something to keep him on his feet, would grab his arm. And make Andrew fall on him.

And so Neil was lying on his back on the ground again, only this time it was a grown man pressing him down, not two kids. Andrew secretly hoped that the second impact of his head hitting the ground would cause some clear thought to settle in that thick skull. Nothing could be further from the truth.

When Andrew propped himself up on his hands, which were on either side of his head, glaring at him, Neil just laughed loudly.

“I keep telling you I’ll drag you with me,” he said.

“You’re such a pain in the ass,” Andrew snorted in response.

“Maybe, but you still enjoy my company.”

“I hate you and everything associated with you.”

“I don't believe you.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest, still smiling stupidly.

“I'm really going to kill you.”

“And here we go again,” he sighed with boredom. “When will I hear something new? This is really starting to get bori—”

“What's going on here?!”

At the raised female voice, they both turned their gazes to its owner. Which meant Andrew lifted his head, and Neil tried to crane his neck, as if he thought he could turn his eyes to see the woman standing behind his head. Which reminded Andrew that they were still on the ground. Or rather, Neil was lying down, and Andrew was hanging over him. Shit.

He quickly stood up and looked at the woman standing in front of them in disbelief. Andrew recognized her as one of Katelyn's friends from her college photos. They were both cheerleaders and still kept in touch, but she was absent from the wedding due to a family event.

“Is there a problem?” Neil asked, sitting down.

“Problem?! Problem?! Do you know he has a wife and kids?! And he’s fooling around with you on the ground like a teenager!” she shouted, causing more people to pay attention to them. As if the curious gazes of the children on the field weren’t enough.

“Wrong twin,” Andrew replied.

“Aaron, I know exactly what you look like! I know it's you!”

“My name is Andrew.”

“And mine’s Pope Francis,” she snorted.

“I'm glad you finally decided to introduce yourself.”

She looked at him in disbelief.

“What do you mean? It’s me, Marissa! We've known each other for years! We had logistics together!”

“A class you clearly didn’t pay much attention to,” he sighed, rolling his eyes in irritation. “I'm not Aaron, I'm his brother. And I'm not dating Neil.”

“Cut the crap, Aaron!” she shouted.

“Hey, there are kids here!” one of the parents standing on the side pointed out.

Marissa turned to him angrily.

“Hey, this man is cheating on his wife with some guy! And he's trying to tell me that he’s not himself, but his twin brother!” she said, pointing at Andrew.

Andrew looked over to the parent and saw all the adults looking at them with furrowed brows of indignation as the events unfolded. Yeah, a guy with kids cheating on his wife with another guy on a field for kids would be a huge sensation. Aaron will probably never want to show up here.

“Uncle Neil, what's going on? Why is Marissa screaming?” asked Ivy. The twins ran over to Neil, who was sitting on the grass.

“She's got some crazy ideas in her head. Sit down, it's funny,” he replied with amusement, patting the grass next to him. “Just don't explain anything to her,” he added quietly.

The girls sat down in the place he indicated and made a show of locking their lips with an invisible key with mischievous smiles.

Yes, it was just so fucking hilarious. Andrew was laughing his head off.

Seeing the girls on the grass, Marissa’s eyes widened. “Ivy, Iris? You’re kidding me!” she screamed so loudly that the people on the playground probably heard her. “You took your kids on a date with him?! Not only are you cheating on Katelyn, but you’re also pretending to be a happy family with him?!”

“For the last time—” he began, but was not allowed to finish.

“You know what, I've had enough! I'm calling Katelyn!” she replied angrily, pulling out her phone.

Andrew wanted to protest so as not to interrupt their dinner, but it seemed that Marissa had no intention of listening to him. He watched with resignation as the woman dialed the number.

“Hello?” Katelyn’s voice came from the speaker.

Marissa put the speaker on so the two of them could hear what she was saying. They, and their audience, who craned their necks to hear better. Andrew could have sworn Marissa had even turned up the volume on her phone to make it easier for them. For fuck’s sake.

“Katelyn, I have bad news,” she began dramatically.

Andrew heard the three gathered at his feet chuckle.

“What happened? You know, I'm busy—”

“Aaron is cheating on you.”

Silence. One second, five, ten, fifteen.

“What?”

“I just caught him.”

Another five seconds of silence.

“Marissa, Aaron is sitting right in front of me.”

Now Marissa fell silent for a moment. “What?” she asked, looking at Andrew with confusion.

“Andrew?” Katelyn said resignedly.

“Do you know any other twins of Aaron?” he asked.

Katelyn sighed.

“Is that Neil and the girls giggling in the background?”

“Hi Mommy!” the twins shouted, laughing.

Katelyn sighed again.

“Marissa, this is Aaron's twin, Andrew. He and Neil are watching the girls today so we can celebrate our anniversary. We're just having dinner,” she explained.

Marissa stared at her friend’s name on her phone as if she were seeing it for the first time. “Oh.”

“Yes, oh,” Katelyn agreed.

Andrew saw the embarrassment on the faces of his parents, who had just expressed their outrage at the situation to each other.

“I’m sorry,” Marissa began, her face red as a beetroot, “Enjoy your dinner.”

“Thank you.”

“Bye, Mom!” the girls shouted.

“Bye, lovies. Bye, Marissa.” She hung up.

For a moment, Marissa stared at the phone in her hand without saying a word. After a moment, she lifted her head and looked at Andrew. “I'm so sorry,” she said sheepishly, and Andrew glared at her. “I'd better get going. Bye, girls.”

The twins waved at the woman, who was quickly walking away toward the exit. Neil looked at Andrew with an amused smile. “Let’s head to the playground now!”

“Yes!” Ivy shouted and ran toward the kids who were throwing the ball to each other near the goal on the opposite side.

“Wait for me!” Iris called and ran after her.

They ran up to a girl who was trying to clumsily pull her curls into a ponytail. They started gesturing to her to go to the playground, to which she nodded enthusiastically. By the time Neil and Andrew reached them, the girl had already tangled the hair tie in her long hair and was trying to rip it out by force.

“Do you need help?” Andrew asked, nodding at her hair.

The girl looked at him distrustfully.

“Relax, it's just our Uncle Andrew,” Ivy explained, seeing how the girl stared at him. “And this is Uncle Neil,” she pointed to the man who smiled at her.

“Uncle Andrew is a master at making braids.” As proof, Iris showed off her red braid that he had done for her before she left the house, because she had decided that Aaron's was useless. “And he never pulls hair,” she added.

“Not like Dad,” Ivy said with a grimace, and Iris grimaced as well.

The girl stared at him for a moment without saying a word. “I'm Celeste,” she finally introduced herself.

Andrew held out his hand to her. “Andrew.”

Celeste squeezed his hand gently. “Will you braid my hair?” she asked, looking at Iris' hair.

Andrew nodded, and the girl turned her back to him. He managed to gently untangle the hair tie from her hair fairly quickly, then just as quickly made a strong braid. He tried to ignore Neil’s gaze as he did so. “Done.”

The girl stopped talking about the latest episode of Bluey and grabbed her braid to check it. After a moment, she turned to Andrew with a smile. “Thank you, sir.”

“Andrew’s enough.”

“Thanks, Andrew!” she said happily. “Come on, we’ll play with my sister and cousins ​​on the ship.”

The girls started walking towards the playground, and Neil and Andrew followed close behind. Andrew saw that on the bench closest to the pitch were sitting two women and a man. They were watching them closely. Seeing the resemblance between the girl and the women, he guessed that they were her mothers, which was confirmed when Celeste ran up to them, shouting "Mama! Mommy!" to show them her hair.

As Andrew approached them, he saw another man sitting on the sand in front of them, playing with three children. The smallest of them was sitting on his lap and driving a car on his leg. The boy with raven hair was building a tower of sand with Celeste’s sister. They weren’t very good at it, considering his displeased expression. Thanks to the grimace, one could immediately see the resemblance between him and a man with a daffodil tattoo on his face, sitting on the bench.

“Noah, Luna, come play pirates with us on the ship!” Celeste said, approaching the foursome on the sand. The kids immediately nodded enthusiastically, standing up.

Celeste. Luna. Hm.

“My Little Pony?” Andrew asked, looking at the women.

One of them smiled broadly at him. "I'm still a fan."

“Uncle Jeremy, can Elodie come too?" Celeste asked, looking at the blonde in the man's lap.

“She's too little. She'll sit with us,” he explained, to which the girl nodded.

The children introduced themselves and started walking towards the ship.

“We'll sit with them and keep an eye on them,” Neil said to the four parents, who nodded. “Come on, there’s one free bench there.”

Sitting on the bench, Neil began to talk about his day at work, including the strange mathematical equations he was solving. Andrew listened, but he kept an eye on the five children playing on the ship. After all, they had promised their parents that they would keep an eye on everyone. Now and then, he would look away for a moment and at the man to show him that he was listening. Neil, who was also watching them, met his gaze every time.

None of them cared that Andrew had no idea what Neil was talking about. It was enough to know that the weirdo enjoyed working with math. His first job was in customer service, and it ended after a week. Of course, when an annoying middle-aged guy spends a few minutes insisting on a special discount for regular customers, he needs to be told that there is no such thing. However, there is another way to do this than by saying for the last time, this is not a charity, you fucking idiot, but even a normal person would lose their nerve, much less Neil.

After Andrew collected money from their friends for winning a bet, he helped him find a math course that would help him find a better job. Andrew used a few connections and got Neil a job as a data scientist at the company he worked for. One would think that working in different departments and on different floors would mean they wouldn’t see each other very often, but fate loved to laugh in Andrew’s face.

At first, they met only in front of the building, during smoking breaks. Neil usually didn't light his own cigarette, relying on inhaling the smoke Andrew exhaled in his face. And when Neil discovered that Andrew always ate his lunch in the canteen on the first floor, he started joining him. This way, they spent every break at work together.

Neither of them would ever admit it, but most of their conversations involved Neil sharing whatever information he could find about their coworkers. He didn't share his own secrets, but for reasons unknown to him , most of the office was happy to share theirs with him. That way, Neil always knew who was gossiping about whom, who the boss had been cheating on his wife with that month, and who was constantly stealing the accountant's sandwiches. Fucking Jack.

Andrew chose not to tell him that most of them would tell him about their worst crimes if it meant he would care enough to go out with them. He also didn't tell him how many times he had entered a room where someone was talking about him, or that one person had even dared to ask Andrew if Neil was in a relationship. It made sense for her to ask him that question, considering that Neil spent most of his free time with him. The problem was that the girl had interpreted his mind your own business as mind your own business and leave my boyfriend alone. So now the whole company thought Andrew and Neil were dating. It's a good thing none of their friends had plugs in there, because Andrew hasn't figured out how to unscrew it yet.

The next time Andrew focused his gaze on the children again, he saw Iris standing at the wheel with Noah, watching her sister, who stood in the ship's entrance with her arms folded before the boy, who was talking to her with a sneer. Celeste and Luna stood next to Ivy, brushing sand from their brown skin. Not far from them sat three slightly older boys. One of them bore a striking resemblance to the boy. They had all stopped playing to watch what was happening.

Andrew could see the angry scowl on his niece's face growing with every word the boy said. From this distance, he couldn't hear what he was saying, but he was sure it wasn't something nice. And no kid will be mean to his girls.

He was about to get up to intervene, but Neil's voice stopped him.

“Don’t. She can handle this,” he said confidently.

Andrew decided that he'd give him a minute to get out of his sight before he threw him out of the playground. Ivy started to respond to the boy, and now he was the one who was irritated by her words. They started to snap at each other when the boy said something that made the three girls look at him in outrage. The boy, obviously proud of himself, started to walk away towards his brother, who was looking at him with indulgent amusement. Andrew pretended not to see the furious Ivy trip the boy and push him, causing the boy to hit his face on the wooden beams and start crying.

In a few seconds, his mother appeared beside him, hugging him to her chest and sending an angry look to her other son, who was laughing. The woman turned to look at them angrily.

“Didn't you see what your daughter just did? She tripped my poor Riko!” she huffed

“No,” Andrew said shortly.

“He stumbled over a beam on the ship,” Neil added. “Ivy would never do something like that.”

“And we're not married,” Andrew corrected.

“That's not true! She tripped me! And then she pushed me,” Riko said, bursting into tears.

Riko's older brother appeared next to them. “ That's not true. You're just a loser and a crybaby.”

“Ichirou!”

Ichirou just shrugged, signaling that it wasn't his fault, that it was the truth. Despite her older son's assurances, the woman didn't seem convinced.

Then one of Celeste and Luna's moms appeared next to her. “Izumi, is Riko okay? I saw him stumble.”

“You saw him stumble?” she asked, stroking Riko’s forming bruise on her forehead.

“Yes, over the beam,” she replied helpfully, looking at Ivy with a raised eyebrow in question.

The girl turned the other way with an innocent face.

“There'll be a bruise, but he'll be fine. Thanks for asking, Cat.” Izumi looked back at Neil and Andrew. “I'm sorry I yelled at you.”

Neil waved his hand. “It’s okay, you just got scared.”

Izumi smiled warmly at him.

She chatted with Cat for a while longer, then said goodbye to them and began to walk away with a still sniffling Riko and a disgruntled Ichirou. In the meantime, Noah and Elodie's parents and Cat's wife joined them, finding a spot on the bench next to them. The children decided to play in the sand with little Elodie.

Andrew called Ivy over. Before he could say anything, Neil high-fived her and lightly ruffled her hair. “That’s my girl,” he said proudly. Ivy smiled widely.

He ignored Andrew's irritated look. He would have liked to congratulate her himself, but her parents weren't here, so someone had to act as the responsible adult. And it clearly wasn’t Neil. “What was that about?” he asked.

“He was mean,” she began. “He said girls couldn't be pirates and that we were bad at steering the ship. He even laughed at the fact that we didn't have weapons to defend ourselves against other pirates.’

Neil rolled his eyes at that. “Is that why you pushed him?” he asked.

She was silent for a moment, watching her shoe disappear into the sand.

“No,” she replied.

“Then why?”

“Because he called you a bad word,” she said quietly, playing with her fingers. “Someone used it in kindergarten once, and when I asked Uncle Nicky about it, he said it was offensive, so I told him to apologize. And he said no, and he used the word again. So I pushed him.”

Neil and Andrew looked at each other with displeased expressions.

“Ivy,” Andrew began. “We're adults, and he's a little boy. You could have told us, and we would have talked to his mom. You know you don't have to defend us like that.”

She looked up at him angrily. “No one insults my family,” she huffed irritably, turning away from them to go back to playing.

Neil laughed quietly, looking at Andrew. “She’s clearly got some of your genes.”

“It's not my genes,” he replied.

But when Ivy looked at him, he winked in approval, and the girl smiled proudly.

“Izumi’s very nice, but Riko’s father is a real dick,” Cat said after a moment.

“Cat!” her wife hissed. “There are children here!”

The woman shrugged. “It's true. Luna was in the same group at kindergarten as him, and he was always causing trouble until he transferred. He tries to gain the approval of his father and brother by being mean to the other kids. And then it ends like today. The kid cries, and Ichirou laughs at him. And so on.”

“Eventually, he'll get punched in the face so hard he'll learn not to do it,” Neil said.

All four of them laughed.

Jeremy, sitting closest to their bench, turned slightly toward them. “Since we're sitting here together, I'm Jeremy and this is my husband, Jean,” he said, pointing to the other man. “And these are Cat and Laila.” He held out his hand to them.

Neil moved closer to them on the bench to shake it. “Neil. And this is Andrew.” Andrew nodded at them.

It turned out all of them were watching some idiotic reality show with people pairing up. Andrew tried to ignore them, but when the name of his hated participant was mentioned, he couldn't help himself and spoke up too, revealing that he was watching it too. From Neil's pleased smile, he knew he wouldn't let it go anytime soon, especially since he was making fun of Neil for watching such crap.

He didn't know how long they had talked, but eventually Noah approached them.

“Can we go for ice cream?” he asked hopefully.

“The four of you can,” Jean said. “But ask Ivy and Iris’s parents if they can, too.”

“They're not ours,” Andrew said immediately. “They're my brother's daughters.”

“Oh, so there was a pair swap today?” Laila asked with a smile.

“We're not a couple,” Andrew replied.

For some reason, all four of them looked at him in surprise. He had the impression that even Noah wasn't buying it.

“Let’s go for some ice cream,” he replied with resignation.

They all went together to the ice cream shop across the street. The twins were always indecisive, so while everyone else was already sitting down with their ice creams, they continued to debate which flavor they would get. Finally, they chose the same one they always did and began to give their order to the man behind the counter, then ran to the table where the rest of them were sitting. And when the salesman looked over there and saw Neil, who was the only one still without an ice cream, and asked Andrew what flavour for your husband, Andrew didn't have the strength to correct another person and simply asked for a mango sorbet.

— ✩ — 

Andrew hoped that the twins would be so tired after playing on the field and playground that they would want to go straight to bed and forget about the promised make-up. He was proven very wrong when Ivy had barely finished her dinner before she ran off to get her mom’s makeup box. Andrew sent another glare at Neil, who feigned interest in his scrambled eggs with an amused expression on his face.

That's how they both ended up on the living room carpet again. The girls showed Andrew their gratitude for agreeing to have his makeup done by letting him choose the color that would be on his face. He decided on the eyeshadow named frozen, which didn't remind him of certain eyes at all. Luckily, Iris didn't argue about it, as she preferred more muted colors herself. Ivy, on the other hand, decided to go wild and chose a bright orange for Neil.

After the eyeshadow came the glitter, the blush, and the attempts at mascara that made Andrew wonder if he had gone blind in one eye. He flatly refused the proposed red lipstick, which Iris met with a look that said she would break him someday. Andrew was sure it would happen, but not today. Watching Ivy apply matte lipstick to Neil's lips, he appreciated his momentary right to choose even more.

What he didn't appreciate was that Neil, even with that absurd orange color on his eyelids and smudged lipstick on his lips, was the most beautiful thing Andrew had seen in his life.

After bathing, the girls got dressed in fox pajamas from Neil and demanded a bedtime story. They even pulled out two crowns for them to make it more realistic. The girls quickly agreed with Andrew that the blue crystals on the prince's crown matched the eyeshadow on his eyelids, leaving Neil with a pink tiara, associated with the role of princess. Using the makeup he had on their faces against him was the perfect little revenge. So Neil proudly sat on the shelf seat above their beds, pretending to be a princess, locked in a tower by an evil dragon.

Andrew fought a long battle with a bloodthirsty plush dragon while listening to encouraging comments from the princess. He eventually won the fight and the affection of the imprisoned Neil, who happily jumped at him from his tower. Revenge for the foul on the field didn't work out because Andrew somehow managed to keep his balance. To the twins' delight, he spun them around, holding Neil in his arms. After all, that's what they did in all the cartoons.

“Oh, my hero!” Neil cried dramatically, hanging on his savior’s arm as if he couldn’t stand on his own feet from the emotion. “What would I do without you, my Romeo! I’ve waited for you for so many years!”

The girls were laughing hysterically, and Ivy had pulled out their purple camera from Andrew out of nowhere, probably recording the whole scene. The gift he had bought them would be used against him as blackmail material.

Iris told them that every story like this must end with a wedding, so Andrew got down on one knee and asked Neil if he would make him the happiest prince in the world and marry him. Neil covered his mouth with his hand, feigning emotion, and agreed. Andrew stood up and put his arm around him, turning them toward the girls.

"Then they got married and lived happily ever after. The end," he declared. They both clapped, and the men bowed. Ivy yawned, which Iris repeated a moment later. "Well, time for bed now."

They were obviously tired, so they didn’t even argue. They got under the covers, and Neil sat on Ivy’s bed. Andrew gathered up the toys and crowns that were lying around to put them in boxes.

“Uncle Neil?” he heard Iris’s quiet voice. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Neil nod encouragingly. “Were you also hurt by a dragon, and that’s why you have scars?” she asked shyly.

Neil laughed bitterly. "Something like that."

“And a prince saved you?” Ivy asked.

“No. I saved myself,” he replied.

The girls looked at him thoughtfully.

“He didn’t show up in time to rescue you, but you can still meet him,” Ivy said finally. “Or her.”

“You will definitely meet them.”

“Yes, I know,” he replied, smiling at them. “You two will also meet your princes sooner or later.”

“Or princesses,” Iris pointed out. “It's a free country.”

“I guess,” Ivy added.

Andrew walked over to them and sat down on the bed that belonged to Iris. “Now that we've established that we're all going to find princesses or princes, it really is time for bed. You can barely keep your eyes open.”

Ivy rolled her eyes. “Boring.”

A second after Neil had straightened her blanket and kissed her on the forehead goodnight, she fell asleep. He laughed softly, then said goodbye to Iris. He looked at Andrew questioningly, nodding toward the balcony, and Andrew nodded. Neil left, and Andrew turned to Iris.

He was about to speak to her, but she beat him to it. “I'm sorry that you like boys, they are terrible.” She leaned towards him conspiratorially, lowering her voice. “But if you have to be with a boy, Uncle Neil is your best option. I've never seen him eat snot out of his own nose, and that's rare," she argued seriously. “Besides, he likes you.”

“You think so?” he asked, and the girl nodded vigorously. “I think I saw him eat snot once.”

Iris giggled, then yawned. “Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

“Of course.”

She smiled at him, then closed her eyes and cuddled up to her stuffed frog. “We should do sleepovers like this more often, the four of us. It was fun,” she mumbled, and a moment later, he could hear her steady breathing.

Andrew carefully stood up and went out onto the balcony, closing the door quietly. Neil had his back to him, leaning against the railing, but he turned when he heard the sound of the door opening. Andrew started walking towards him and leaned next to him, looking out into the distance.

“We did a good job. Iris said we should have more sleepovers,” he said after a moment.

“I’m not surprised,” he replied with a laugh. “I think we were more fun than Nicky.”

Andrew looked at him. “And I think Nicky isn’t lying to them.”

Neil looked at him in confusion. “I didn't lie to them.”

“Omission is the easiest way to lie.”

“As if you weren’t avoiding answering some of the questions yourself,” he snorted accusingly.

“The questions I avoided were asked of me for the first time. We have been waiting for your answer to that one for a year,” he replied.

Of course, Andrew wanted to know the object of Neil's affections, but the question of him staying in town was of interest to everyone. He avoided the subject like the plague until everyone finally gave up. But not Andrew. He decided to give him time until he somehow brought it up, but a year had passed. He had waited too long for an answer that was keeping him awake at night. It wasn't about the reason anymore, but the reaction the question elicited. Like he had been caught doing something and was ready to run away at any second, as far away from here as possible. In those moments, Neil's gaze was like the memorable rabbit stare that stared into the camera in the photo of him with Katelyn.

Ivy and Iris brought it up, and he was going to use it to his advantage and finally learn the truth.

“You could have pointed that out in front of them,” he pointed out.

“Could have, didn't.” He could clearly see the question in Neil's eyes. “I'd rather get your real answer now.”

“It's nothing,” he replied, looking away.

Andrew looked at him expectantly until he looked at him again. “I thought you were done lying, rabbit. At least to me.”

Neil turned suddenly and sat on the ground, his back against the railing. He feigned interest with his hands, which he placed on his outstretched legs. Andrew knew he was trying to buy himself some time, but he didn't comment on it. He sat down next to him and waited until Neil found his voice again.

“I'm not lying to you.”

“Then tell me the truth,” he commanded. “Why did you stay?”

Andrew wasn't prepared for the intensity of his gaze as he looked him straight in the eye. “Because you told me to.”

For a moment, there was a heavy silence between them.

“Aaron and Katelyn’s wedding, when we were looking at the stars,” he added.

“You were drunk,” he said. “You said you barely remember anything.:

“Exactly. Barely . That's the key word.” He fell silent for a moment. “Or rather, one of my lies. I sobered up in the cool, fresh air. I remember everything.”

Andrew tried to read his face, but Neil was very interested in the bottom of his shirt. “Neil, look at me.” He complied. “Explain.”

“When I told you about my next travel plans, I told you I was tired of this life,” he began quickly, as if he wanted to get it out before he lost the confidence. His voice clearly suggested that what he was about to say was choking him. “I shouldn't have said it. Not to you, not to anyone else. I didn't want anyone to know, because I was fine.” He paused for a moment to look at the flowers lining the wall in front of them. But then he looked back at Andrew with determination. “The truth is, I wanted to stay from the beginning, I just didn't know if I could. I didn't know how. I've been running my whole life, and I didn't know how to stop. Traveling the world was just an excuse to keep doing it, because it was the only thing I knew how to do. I just needed someone to tell me to stop. Katelyn wouldn't do that, because I made her believe I was fulfilling some travel dreams of mine. But you. You saw through my lies and told me something that was both the most beautiful and the most terrifying thing I've ever heard. Stay.”

Andrew looked at him for a moment without saying a word. “I am not your answer.”

“Maybe not, but you were what I needed then. You still are.”

The worst part was that Neil had no idea what all those words were doing to Andrew. He felt the need to dig his nails into his skin to remind himself that they didn't mean what he wanted them to.

“Was that our round of truth for truth?” Neil asked after a moment of silence. Andrew nodded. “My turn. You also avoided answering a question. Who is it?”

Andrew knew Neil would try to get it out of him, but he hadn't expected it to be so soon. He didn't have time to think about the best way to effectively deflect the question.

“I'd rather not,” he replied.

Neil studied his facial expression. Andrew knew that if he said a firm no , Neil would let it go. At least for now. But he didn't know if he wanted to keep it from him. The truth was, if Katelyn had seen through him, it was very possible that he hadn't been hiding it as well as he should have. And it was possible that Neil would figure it out soon.

Maybe it would be good for both of them. Neil wouldn't want to hurt him and accidentally send him mixed signals, so he would distance himself. Maybe if Andrew didn't spend so much time with him, he would get over it. And then they could forget about it and try to be friends again.

“You know I’m not going to force you,” Neil began, “but I’m afraid I already know the answer to that question.”

Andrew felt his heart leap into his throat. He had thought he would have more time. “Who?” he asked, trying to keep his face neutral.

“What, you don't believe I would have guessed it myself?”

“No, you're too stupid.”

Neil laughed.

“Well, not that stupid, apparently,” he said. Andrew looked at him doubtfully. “Andrew, Jack asked me two weeks ago if I was still going out with that jerk from the fourth floor.”

Andrew could actually feel his ears turning red. He was silently thankful that they were having this conversation at night, and Neil couldn't see it.

“Killing him would be a good deed for all of humanity. The judge would let me off the hook.”

“Andrew,” he interrupted urgently. “I need to hear it from you. Do you like me?”

“You've proven that you're not a total idiot, so stop pretending to be one,” he snorted, deciding that there was no point in pretending any longer. Neil already knew. “You know the answer.”

Neil smiled at him. “See, we were each other’s answers after all.”

Andrew felt an involuntary pang in his chest. He knew Neil wouldn't return his feelings. His attempt to smooth things over with a joke shouldn't have come as a surprise. He should have been grateful that Neil was trying to smooth things over, since they'd have to endure each other until morning, until Katelyn and Aaron got back.

“Yes, hilarious,” he replied numbly. He couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Neil looked at him like he couldn't believe what he was hearing and rolled his eyes at him.

“I thought being an idiot was my thing.” Andrew looked at him with irritation. “Andrew.”

“Neil.”

“Are you finally going to kiss me or not?”

It was one of the very few times in his life that Andrew was speechless.

Oh.

Oh .

He thought of Neil constantly going after him to smoke, even though he hardly ever took a drag himself. He thought of Neil spending all his breaks at work with him, even though he could have had his pick of people who would have gladly spent that time with him. He thought of all the looks Neil had given him, of how often the man had shamelessly stared at him and didn't care that Andrew noticed and pointed it out. He thought of how Neil's gaze had often dropped to his lips, which Andrew had assumed was a coincidence. He thought of how intently Neil had watched him when the girls had asked that question, of how he hadn't corrected anyone who had mistaken them for a couple today, of his gentle smile as he watched Andrew put the girls to bed. He thought of how the expression on Neil's face as he asked him that question now was one of hope. He thought of how, despite his earlier beliefs, it turned out that he was the complete idiot here.

“Andrew, yes or no?”

Instead of answering, Andrew grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pressed their lips together in a kiss. Neil sighed contentedly, as if he had been waiting for this for a year, too. And maybe he had.

Andrew had kissed many people in his life, but none of those kisses could compare to the feeling of Neil's lips pressing against his. He grabbed his wandering hands and placed them on the back of his head. After a moment, he felt Neil's fingers tighten in his hair, which drew a quiet moan from his lips. Deepening the kiss, he began to slowly push him down until his back met the floor.

When Andrew finally pulled away from Neil to catch his breath, he tried to chase his lips, apparently not caring that neither of them had any air to breathe. Andrew had no idea how long they had been kissing; it could have been a few minutes or a few hours. All he knew was that the lipstick, smeared on the lips glistening with their mixed saliva, was now literally everywhere. And that he wanted to add more traces of his teeth to the mess.

“So you lied about that, too?” Neil looked at him like he didn’t understand what he was talking about. Andrew didn’t know if he was just being an idiot again, or if the kiss had melted what was left of his brain. “I thought you didn’t swing.”

“I don’t. Not if it's not you.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.” Andrew looked at his lips. “Andrew, yes .”

Andrew couldn't refuse him even if he wanted to.

At some point, Andrew decided to go get some makeup remover and cotton pads to clean their faces. Neil looked at him with amusement.

“You wanna wash it off already? I got the impression that you like my lipstick,” he said.

“It's not about the lipstick itself, but what it's on,” he replied honestly, now shamelessly looking at his lips.

“I thought my face was annoying,” he said.

“We've established that thinking is not your strong point.”

Neil rolled his eyes at that and looked like he was about to say something back, but changed his mind at the last second to move closer to Andrew and lock their lips in a kiss again. Andrew instantly forgot why he wanted to get up in the first place. Luckily, the person he was lying on reminded him a moment later.

“Despite how much you resisted putting on that lipstick, it really suits you.”

Andrew felt irritated by how much this idiot didn't irritate him.

He would never admit it, but as soon as he was out of Neil's sight, he started running to the bathroom to get back to him as quickly as possible. Neil was telling him about one of his identities while running from his father, while Andrew gently held his chin and carefully removed his eyeshadow and mascara.

After they finished washing each other's faces, Neil pulled two pillows and a blanket off the wire balcony chairs and threw them on the ground, then laid down on one. Andrew decided that he was okay with his back killing him tomorrow and laid down next to him. Neil covered them with a blanket. They spent the next few hours talking and exchanging kisses until Neil fell asleep on Andrew's chest.

Andrew watched his steady breathing for a few minutes, then closed his eyes and buried his face in his hair. Neil Josten was a problem, but Andrew had always been good at dealing with them. This one would be no different.

— ✩ — 

Coming home, Aaron expected everything. And by everything, he meant everything . Screams, tears, traces of a struggle, weapons lying around the house, a broken wall or walls, broken furniture, broken windows, smashed plates, traces of blood on walls that did not collapse, and even a house that was demolished to its very foundations.

What he didn’t expect was the house standing in its place, just as he left it the day before.

Somehow, this scared him more than the obvious signs of a murder that must have happened here last night. He just wasn’t sure who the perpetrator was and who the victim was.

Katelyn thought he was exaggerating, but he knew his brother, and unfortunately, he also knew that idiot called his wife's friend. Leaving them alone in the house could cause not only the destruction of the entire building, but also World War III. He kept telling Katelyn that yesterday, on the way to their destination, but then he was too busy celebrating to care about the battle of evil against evil that was taking place in his house. Despite everything, he knew that neither of the two morons would let anything happen to his daughters, so he was calm about that.

When he opened the door to the house, he was greeted by the smell of pancakes and voices in the kitchen. Without waiting for his wife, he headed into the room and saw all four of them at the table. Andrew was eating pancakes with Nutella, Josten with fruit, and the girls with both. Surprisingly, they were all in one piece. Ivy was the first to see him.

“Daddy!” she cried happily and ran into his arms.

Iris immediately ran after her and hugged him as well.

“Daddy, it was so much fun!” Ivy began. “We were at the playground and we ate ice cream and Uncle Andrew let us do his makeup!”

So not only were the girls not traumatized, they also had a good time. Nothing here made sense, but Aaron preferred not to complain.

Instead, he stared at his brother in disbelief, but he feigned interest in their fridge. He couldn't wait to hear how the girls had done it, because judging by the amusement on Josten's face, it was true. Not that Aaron didn't believe his daughters, but this was Andrew versus Katelyn’s makeup bag. A battle that had been going on for a long time.

“Are there any pancakes left for us?” asked Kate, who had just entered the kitchen.

The twins quickly abandoned Aaron to greet her.

Josten stood up from the table, grabbed the plates, and went to the sink to wash them. Andrew nodded to Aaron, showing him where they’d left the pancakes for him and Katelyn. He leaned over the jar of Nutella to start eating it, a movement that made Aaron see the red mark on his collarbone.

“Andrew,” Aaron said in disbelief. His twin looked up at him with boredom. “Is that a hickey?”

Aaron heard the sound of dishes crashing together and looked over at Josten, who had lost one of his plates. He didn't spare him a glance, continuing to wash the dishes. Andrew merely adjusted his collar to hide the mark and went back to devouring the contents of the jar.

He was still looking at them alternately in disbelief, but none of them favored him with their gaze.

“I have to go,” Josten began, wiping his hands on a towel.

“Already?” Katelyn asked.

“I’m meeting with someone later,” he announced.

Katelyn looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Oh? With whom?”

“I’ll tell you later,” he replied.

Completely ignoring the older twins, he walked over to the girls and said goodbye, promising to see them soon. Once he was by Katelyn's side, he whispered something in her ear that made her light up, as if he had just told her the best news of her life. After that, he quickly disappeared behind the front door, and Katelyn, all excited, headed to the coffee machine to make some coffee.

“Daddy, come on, we want to show you the drawings we did this morning,” Ivy said, tugging on his right hand. Iris helpfully grabbed his other one, and they pulled him out of the kitchen.

It turns out that one of the drawings was of Andrew and Neil holding hands. Neil had one cat on his shoulder, and the other one was on Andrew's head. Aaron thought it was the perfect picture of a dysfunctional family. He had to ask them to give it to Andrew.

He heard Katelyn say something to Andrew, but it was quiet enough, and the girls were describing a drawing of a cross between some animals loud enough that he couldn't tell what it was. He heard his response perfectly, though:

“Fuck you, Katelyn.”

Even though Andrew had been behaving normally towards his sister-in-law for a long time now and probably didn't even have hope for her sudden death anymore, Aaron turned to see if he had to save her. Andrew, however, just glared at the laughing Katelyn. If looks could kill, she would definitely be gone, but fortunately, his brother didn't have such skills.

Katelyn, completely unfazed by the irritation on Andrew's face, walked over to him and handed him a piece of paper. “You can have your beloved picture, it's covered in your fingerprints anyway.”

Seeing Andrew's ears suddenly turn red, Aaron realized with disbelief that his brother just blushed. He looked like he did when Aaron found magazines with naked guys under his bed and asked him about them when they were teenagers. He quickly took the picture from her hand and grumbled something. Katelyn smiled indulgently at him and left him with his jar of Nutella to look at the girls’ drawings, too.

The twins wanted to watch How to Train Your Dragon , so Aaron went to the kitchen to ask his brother if he wanted to join them. He entered the room just as Andrew was tossing the jar in the trash.

“You’re out of Nutella,” he announced.

“It tends to disappear when you come over,” Aaron replied. “We're going to watch How to Train Your Dragon . The girls are asking if you'll join us.”

“I can’t,” he said, licking the remaining Nutella off his finger. “I have a date.”

Aaron had never heard of Andrew taking anyone on a date before. “A date? You? And this?” He looked at the hickey as if he could see it through his shirt. He’d also never seen Andrew let anyone leave marks. At least not in a visible place. “Is this something serious? Who is he?”

“None of your damn business.”

“How old are you?” he asked in disbelief.

“Your daughters just taught me that,” he replied.

“Where did they learn… Fucking Nicky,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Andrew walked over to him and patted his shoulder reassuringly before walking past him and into the living room. He said goodbye to his nieces, who had initially been reluctant to let him out of the house. Andrew was forced to tell them he was going on a date, so they could smile smugly at each other and free his legs from their confinement. Katelyn was smiling strangely, too. Aaron felt as if something was happening here that he didn’t know about.

As Andrew moved toward the front door, Aaron followed him.

“Who do you have a date with?” he asked as Andrew stood on the other side of the door.

Andrew turned to him slowly and looked at him silently for a moment. “You remember Neil is meeting someone today, too?”

“You just have to feel sorry for the other person,” he replied. “I don't know what that has to do with your date.”

“Fuck,” he said in disbelief. “I hope the girls don’t inherit your stupidity,” he said, then slammed the door in his face.

Aaron spread his arms in resignation, as if Andrew could see him through the door.

He returned to the living room with a grimace and saw his girls sitting together on the couch, talking quietly about something, smiling with satisfaction. He knew that look. It didn't bode well between the twins. But between them and Katelyn? God help him.

“Why are you smiling at each other like that?” he asked, feigning calmness.

He took the coffee from the table to sit with it in his chair.

“Uncle Andrew likes Uncle Neil,” Iris replied.

“And Uncle Neil likes Uncle Andrew,” Ivy added.

“Oh, that's great,” he sighed with relief. He had been expecting a bigger disaster. “Both of them could use more friends.”

Strangely enough, the unexpected sympathy of these two idiots pleased him. It was strange, considering that for a year they had been unable to find a common language and preferred to jump at each other's throats at every opportunity, but he was not going to investigate or complain. Both of them were really too antisocial, and besides, that red squirrel would maybe leave his wife alone if he tormented Andrew.

His daughters gasped in disbelief.

“Daddy! You don't understand anything!” Ivy sighed.

“They're... Hmm, how was Uncle Nicky saying this?” They both looked at each other thoughtfully. “They’re… for each other…”

“Gay! They’re gay for each other!” Ivy proudly blurted out. “And they’ll get married!”

Aaron looked at them in confusion. “What?”

In response, Katelyn rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what this is about,” she said.

All three of them looked at him expectantly.

But he really didn't know what was going on. And if his daughters did, then Andrew's wish, which he made before closing the door, had come true, and they might be kind enough to fill him in.

Katelyn sighed in resignation.

Ivy decided to end his suffering. She leaned towards him.

“Listen,” she began, “I woke up at night and saw them kissing on the balcony!” she squealed excitedly. “They're definitely going on a date together.” Iris clapped her hands at that.

Oh.

Oh fucking hell.

So that was what Andrew was talking about at the door. That's why he mentioned that Neil had a date, too. Because Andrew was going on a date with Neil fucking Josten. As if the man wasn't making his life miserable enough. This is worse than any scenario he could have expected.

Katelyn beamed again, and Aaron began to choke on his coffee. When he regained his air, he gasped.

“What the fuck?!”

The twins burst out laughing, but Katelyn's smile disappeared as quickly as it appeared.

And now Aaron was screwed.