Chapter Text
It was the middle of the night when Mike got up for a glass of water, or at the very least, it was still dark out. Heading down the precarious spiral staircase, eyes still barely open, he didn’t even notice the strange glow in the living room until he had reached the kitchen.
Filling up a glass at the sink and blinking slowly, just enough to see what he was doing, he noticed with annoyance that someone must have left a light on somewhere.
Where was that even coming from, outside?
He wheeled around to face the source and promptly dropped his glass with a start, letting it shatter to the floor. Tired eyes now wide and straining against the harsh contrast, he stared in disbelief at what appeared to be a bright glowing square in the middle of their living room. A bright glowing square taking up the upper half of a monolith.
“WHAT in tarnation??” Instinctively, he braced himself against the sink, gripping his hands against the edge of the counter. He was so scared he didn’t even bother turning the water off.
His heart was beating out of his chest, but he sighed in relief when he realized that whatever it was was only standing there and not making any attempt to move towards him. So quietly, he inched his way over to the staircase again, eventually getting the nerve to run right back up it to alert the others.
He burst into the bedroom.
“Fellas!” He whispered sharply. “Fellas, wake up! There’s a thing downstairs.”
They all stirred. Micky was the first to speak, and also clearly the most irritated.
“Aw, c’mon, Mike!” He whined, rubbing his eyes.
“What is this, Mike?” Davy said, his voice hoarse with sleep. “A thing downstairs? What are you talking about?”
“Are you sure it wasn’t just a bad dream?” Peter suggested pleasantly. “It happens to the best of us.”
“I’m sure, Peter. Now shh . Everyone keep your voices down and come on and follow me.” He beckoned for them with his arm but no one moved.
“Gee, Mike. Your eyes sure are intense.” Peter observed.
“That’s ‘cause I’m wiggin’ out! Now, move!”
Micky put his pillow over his head defiantly, but Davy had already hopped out of bed. He nudged him with his elbow.
“Hey, man, if Mike says there’s a thing downstairs, I wanna see it.”
“Be there or be square.” Peter yawned and followed them out the door.
Micky sat up and pouted. Certainly not wanting to be a square, he groaned and ran after them.
“Hey, guys, wait for me!” He scrambled full speed down the stairs in the dark, bumping into Peter at the tail end and nearly knocking everyone over.
They didn’t comment or complain or even seem to notice. They were all just too dumbstruck by the blocky mass that stood before them. Their mouths hung open in disbelief.
“See? What IS it?"
“It’s a real life robot!”
“No, Peter, don't be ridiculous.” Mike said.
“Doesn’t sound so ridiculous to me.” Micky shrugged. “I was going to say something from outer space.” He moved his face obnoxiously close to Mike’s,“Y’know, aliens.” He smiled pompously and giggled.
“Oh hush.” Mike rolled his eyes and pushed him away. “Davy? What do you think?”
“Maybe some sort of…top secret spy technology?”
Mike put his hands on his hips and tsked.
“And what on earth would something like that be doing in our living room?”
“I dunno. Weirder things have happened.”
Mike rubbed his chin in thought. “Well, now that I think about it, you may be onto something there. I dunno, I’d just think they’d be more subtle about it.”
“Just a guess. I’m at a loss, really.”
“Maybe it’s a poorly designed refrigerator.” Peter suggested.
“Ugh. Y’all are no help at all.”
“Well, just look at it, Mike!” Micky pleaded with him, gesturing to it frantically with his arms. “There’s no telling what this thing could be, it could be ANYTHING–” In an instant, all expressiveness drained from him. “Oh wait, maybe it’s just a television.”
“Oh, wait, yeah.” Mike looked taken aback by his own lack of consideration of that.
“Mike, you stupid idiot –” Micky sneered.
In all the commotion, Peter turned on the lights, making everyone jump and shout in surprise. Micky grabbed onto Mike and Mike grabbed onto Davy.
“PETER! What do you think you’re doing??” Micky forced himself to relax his grip on Mike’s arm.
“Well, we certainly won’t be able to tell what it is in the dark.”
They couldn’t argue with that.
Still nervously crowding around each other for safety, they all cautiously took a few steps towards the beige, blocky thing. It appeared to be composed of multiple pieces, and was sitting on a desk that was designed especially for it.
“Well, if it is a telly, it's a right fancy one at that.” Davy said. (Who else??)
Looking downright perplexed at the sight of it, Micky slowly nodded in agreement, all the wind knocked out of his sails.
“What’s with all the buttons?” He wondered out loud.
“Hey, Peter.” Mike snapped his fingers repeatedly to get his attention, “Since you did the honor of turning on the lights in the first place, how’d you like to volunteer to investigate?”
“Oh, well, I–”
“That sounds like a great idea.” Before Peter could get a word in, Micky gave him a great big shove towards it.
Davy looked on at Micky in horror. The fact that he was so willing to sacrifice their friend like that.
Peter tried to resist but stumbled forward. Staggering, he managed to recover his balance. He was now mere feet away from it.
“Go on, Peter.” Mike said, “Check it out.”
“Well then, fine. I will.” Peter smoothed out his nightgown and straightened his posture in an attempt to show a little confidence.
He looked back at everyone all huddled together, waiting for him to make the first move. Cowards.
Turning away from them, he scrunched up his face a little and managed to step closer to the machine. He didn't really see what the big deal was anyway. Sure, it was strange, but there was no need for everyone to be so jumpy.
There appeared to be a manual sitting on the desk. He picked it up and read the title aloud:
“ Your Home Computer .”
[Intro starts]
Here we come...walking down the street. Get the funniest looks from [FAST FORWARD]
HEY HEY WE’RE THE MONK-- [FAST FORWARD]
We may be coming to your toooown!
…
THE MONKEES are brought to you by Applejacks! Doo doo doo it's Applejacks, HEY!
[Episode continues]
“Welp, it sure doesn’t look like any computer I’ve ever seen.”
“Yeah. It’s tiny!” Micky said, giving it a once over. He followed this by poking around and pressing a lot of buttons that resulted in plenty of beep boop sounds.
“Don’t do that.” said Davy, putting a hand on Micky’s arm. Then, turning to Mike, he asked, “What do you suppose we should do with it?”
Mike didn't answer. He appeared to be deep in thought as he twiddled his thumbs, his dark eyes taking on a bit of a vacant look as he stared at it.
The others joined him.
The screen glowed ominously; a white void of pure static nothing. A blank slate that seemed to suck them in, demanding their attention and feeding on their curiosity. It was a cold hunk of machinery like any other, and yet there was an undeniably heavy presence to it; Dare say, an intelligence to it. It felt as if when you stared at it, it stared right back through the screen.
None of them could articulate it–or maybe no one wanted to say it–but somehow, in some way, it felt alive.
“I wanna keep it!” Peter said, beaming.
“Now, hold on, Peter.” Mike said. “This could be a big responsibility we’re talking about here. I mean we don’t even know what this thing does or- or where it came from or who dragged it in here in the first place.”
“I have the manual...” Peter held it up, sounding a little deflated. “We could learn how it works!”
“I dunno.” Mike said with a sigh, deep uncertainty in his voice.
Davy plucked the manual from Peter’s hand and flipped through it.
“Looks straight forward enough. At a glance, anyway. I don’t see why not.” He tossed the manual in the air, leaving Micky to catch it. He gave it even less of a look before he tossed it to the side.
“Yeah, come on, Mike. Why not?”
“Let’s keep it!” Peter continued, his smile like a ray of sunshine.
“Ughhh fine. Fine!” Mike conceded. “Just to get you lot to shut up.”
They all cheered.
“But y'all listen to me right here and right now, and y’all better listen good.” he said sternly, pointing to the very spot he was standing for emphasis, “Let it be stated, for the record: I don’t have a good feeling about this. And if anything goes wrong, well, I will be placing the blame squarely on you . Remember this moment.” He raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms. He bristled when his little speech didn’t seem to have the impact he hoped it would. “You got that??”
He rolled his eyes as everyone slowly mumbled in response.
“Yeah, sure, whateva, Mike!” Davy said cheerfully.
[The scene flips whimsically and there's a montage of them learning how to use the computer, set to the song Star Collector ]
-They all have a tea party with the computer as Davy flips through the manual. He pretends to offer it a cup and Micky accidentally spills on the pages. (It’s a costume tea party btw. They’re all wearing silly hats)
-Micky and Peter ride on tricycles around it while Mike shakes his head disapprovingly.
-Peter refers to the manual and very, very slowly tries to type some code, but he gets a bunch of error text and panics. Micky, who has been looking over his shoulder the whole time, also starts to panic and run around
Between these clips is footage of them performing the song in a dark room with swirling psychedelic lights. This is cut with some stock footage of early computer demonstrations. Lots of exposed wires and blinky lights. Davy is going ham on the tambourine.
[Montage ends. Next scene]
“Alright, I just finished setting up our email. Whatever that is.” Mike said.
“Perfect. This will make talking to Sheila way more convenient.” Davy said.
“And Susan, and Debbie, and Barbara, and Linda, and…” Micky listed the names on his fingers in a mocking, jealous tone.
“No, Davy.” said Mike, “That wouldn’t make sense. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think we might just be the only ones who have come to acquire something like this.”
“Nooo that can't be. It can't…” Davy’s voice trailed off as he turned to face it again.
They got lost in the pull of the screen again, transfixed, wondering if what Mike said was true. The more they thought about it, the more they felt it must be. But it just didn’t make sense. None of it made any sense.
They all jumped when a notification pinged. A single message appeared in their inbox.
“Our first email!”
“Quick, quick, open it! What does it say? What does it say??”
Davy clicked on it and began to read it aloud.
“Congratulations, you’ve just won 1 million dollars...” His eyes grew wider with each word.
Micky hollered before he could finish his sentence. Embracing Peter, they started jumping for joy.
“WE WON A MILLION DOLLARS? WE WON A MILLION DOLLARS! WE’RE GONNA BE RICH!!” He screamed.
“Gimme that!” Mike grabbed the mouse and shoved Davy out of the way, promptly deleting the email and emptying the trash.
“MIKE, NO!” Micky yelled.
“Our million dollars.” Peter frowned.
“A million nothin’. That was clearly a scam.”
“You don’t know that!” Micky said, scrambling to click on the trash bin again to no avail. Visions of yachts and summers in Venice evaporated before his eyes.
“Yes I do. Just take a look at the fine print.” He jabbed a finger at a tiny paragraph in the manual that warned about bots and malicious ads and emails that sounded too good to be true.
“I don’t believe it.” Micky’s voice sank. “But maybe sometimes–” His eyes sparkled briefly as his hopes ramped up.
“No.” Mike squashed it.
“Always a cynic, Michael.” Peter shook his head.
“It ain’t me!” He balked, “It’s the computer! That’s what the manual plainly says, if any of you would bother to read! So, no more clicking on…whatever. In fact, no more computer time for any of you. You’ve lost your privileges for the day. Now, go on, shoo!”
Mike waved them away, officially done with their shenanigans. They scampered off in various directions, easily distracted despite the computer’s strong pull.
Once Mike had it all to himself, he cracked his knuckles, leaned back in the chair, and began to flip through the manual again.
“Now let’s see, what do we have here…?” He landed on a random chapter. “ Surfing the Web . Well, that just sounds delightful. Don’t mind if I do.”
[Hours pass and Mike has discovered videos]
“Well I’ll be, this is like a television. Now, what’s this…” He squinted his eyes at the thumbnail of a silver sedan gliding gracefully through a lush, green landscape. “ Scary Car Commercial . Pfft. How scary can it be?”
He clicked it without a care, unable to help but follow the little car with his eyes.
***
“Hey, Mick. Come here and take a look at this.”
Micky looked bored already. “Mike, this kind of thing’s not really my bag. I don’t care about cars like you do.”
“No, no, this is different. Come on, it won’t take long at all. Just go on and follow the car with your eyes.”
“Okayy.” Micky slumped down in the chair and stared at the little car, Mike watching along from behind and smiling.
Micky’s scream resonated throughout the entire house as his fist collided with the monitor with a hollow konk . Shaking out his hand and holding it, he was so startled he had to get up and pace around for a bit.
“It’s a trip, ain’t it?” Mike was still smiling, his eyes a little crazed.
“It’s ahh. It’s aaahh…” Micky struggled to find the words for it, especially through the pain in his knuckles. But still, he had this strange compulsion to show Davy and Peter.
All the commotion made Peter come running.
“What on earth is going on down here?” He demanded, but it appeared that he’d walked in on them mid-conversation.
“Man, why would you do that to me??” Micky whined.
“Aw, I’m sorry.” Mike said, “Here, let me make it up to you. I found this fun game where you have to move a little dot around through a maze.”
Peter lightened up at the sound of that. “Ooo I wanna try!”
We’ll be right back after this commercial break!