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The meeting had been dragging on for far longer than Dick had anticipated. He would never regret joining the League but sometimes he cursed himself for willingly going from leader to subordinate. Subordinate to Batman. Again. Batman, who for some godforsaken reason loved to lead hours long meetings about minuscule changes in protocol.
He rested his chin against his hand, leaning forward slightly and trying his best not to huff out loud. He was tired goddamnit! It had been a very long week and listening to his dad drone on and on about fire safety was the last thing he needed.
He almost winced at the look he received when he shifted in his seat for the fifth time in just as many minutes. So what? He was restless! Not to mention the ache in his body from sitting in the same chair for the last three hours straight. Sue him for needing to move around a little.
He’d never done this to the Titans, had he? Forced them to listen to mind numbing lectures? He was going to have to ask them just to make sure. He knew he wasn’t nearly as anal about these kinds of things as Batman but he did have a tendency to go a little overboard on occasion.
Just as he thought the meeting might have been wrapping up, Diana stepped forward, bringing another issue to the table. Dick resisted the urge to violently bang his head against the table and very nearly didn’t succeed.
At this point he would do almost anything to get out of this godawful gathering but he knew it was futile. The meeting would only end when Batman wanted it to and Dick knew the asshole enjoyed terrorizing his fellow heroes so it would probably be a while.
Dick prayed for something, anything, to make this even a little bit more interesting. He should’ve known better than to tempt fate like that.
As Diana was in the middle of her briefing, a portal snapped into existence above the meeting table.
Dick raised a hand, guarding his face as the blue and purple wormhole spluttered with electricity, pulsing in place above their heads. He winced, turning away and closing his eyes as the light of the portal got brighter and brighter until it was almost blinding.
Just as fast as it had appeared, it was gone. The light faded just as a loud thump and a chorus of groans rang out. Dick whipped around in his chair, standing defensively and grabbing hold of his weapons.
He faltered when he caught sight of the intruders. Three people, normal looking humans were fruitlessly trying to separate themselves from the pile they had landed in. Judging from the groans, curses, and flailing limbs, they were having a hard time with that.
Dick cautiously scanned the small group, taking in their expensive appearance and demeanor.
The first person he scanned was a young man, around Tim’s age, with curly brown hair that was plastered to his forehead with sweat. His brown eyes were wide and his pupils were dilated as he stared around the room. His expensive looking three piece suit, in a deep blue with silver threading, (a brand that, strangely enough, Dick didn’t recognize) was disheveled, buttons undone and tie hanging loosely. He was lean and muscular, his form almost deceptively lithe, but very clearly a fighter. He was blinking rapidly at the scene before him, hand falling to one of his flushed cheeks in surprise. Okay, maybe not much of a fighter while he was completely plastered but… The man turned sharply towards his companions and Dick took that as his cue to move on with his observations.
The woman had sat up sharply, shoving both men away from her with a roll of her eyes. She was taking in the room with a distinctly disgusted look on her face before she seemed to dismiss them and turn back to her two friends. Not before cataloging all of the League, as well as identifying all of the exits in the room. Huh. Unlike her curly haired companion, she was as put together as could be. Her blonde hair was pulled back in an elegant twist and her makeup was flawless. Her silvery dress hugged her curves appealingly and there wasn’t a wrinkle in sight. The only indication of her drunken state was the slight wobble to her movements and the lack of shoes on her feet.
The third intruder, another man, skinnier and taller than the first was perhaps the drunkest of them all. High pitched giggles rang out from his mouth, unnerving Dick slightly. His suit, in coordinating colors with the other’s, was just as mussed as the first man’s but his reddish brown hair was perfectly coifed, not a single strand out of place. A lazy grin spread across his face as he pressed his cheek against the thighs of the blonde woman.
She seemed to debate shoving him away for a moment before shrugging and rolling her eyes, clearly deciding to leave her companion be. Instead of removing him from her person, she turned to the first man, raising a judgmental brow.
Dick almost winced in sympathy as the brunette man’s eyes widened in alarm. Damn, her judgmental brow raise was almost as bad as Alfie’s.
“What did you do, Peter?” She breathed the words tiredly, leaning forward to run a hand over the lapel of the man- Peter’s jacket. Her slightly slurred voice had Dick realizing that she was probably just as inebriated as her two companions, even if she didn’t necessarily look it.
Peter let out a squawk in offense, though he leaned into her touch like a sailor following a siren into the depths of the ocean. “What makes you think I did anything?” He asked, voice high pitched and a bit whiney.
Another brow raise.
“I’m innocent!” Peter shouted, eyes wide and pleading for the woman to believe him.
Okay, this was a bit dramatic but Dick couldn’t help being slightly entertained.
“You’ve never been innocent a day in your life, baby.” The other man laughed, shaking his head.
“Shut up, Harry!” Peter pouted, popping out his bottom lip and widening his eyes. “I didn’t do anything this time, I pinky swear! Wait, what’d you think I did? Wait, where are we?”
“Who are you and what are you doing here?” Bruce growled from his position, poised to attack at any given moment.
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the rest of the league in similar positions, weapons poised and posture defensive. He returned his attention to the trio, watching closely as they turned to look at Bruce.
“What the hell?” Peter said eloquently, head tilting like a puppy. “Fel, where are we?”
The woman, Fel, sighed in mock despair, her free hand absently moving to run her fingers through Harry’s hair. “I don’t know, lover.” Then she turned towards Bruce, eyes squinting dramatically. “Excuse me, uh, sir, where are we?”
Harry continued to giggle, rubbing his cheek against Fel’s thigh like a cat. His eyes were closed and he had a serene smile on his face as he soaked up the woman’s touch.
Bruce’s lips pressed into a thin line and he glared, not answering and not lowering his weapons.
Fel sighed heavily again, rolling her eyes and moving to survey the room. Her gaze darted over each of them and Dick felt a shiver go down his spine as her eyes lingered on him for a beat before stopping completely on Dinah. This woman was more dangerous than she looked.
The intruder smiled sweetly, batting her lashes at her chosen target. “You seem like a reasonable lady. Mind telling us where we’ve ended up now?”
Dinah’s surprise was clear as her mouth dropped open. Looking unsure, she shifted her body weight, shooting a questioning glance towards Batman.
Bruce spoke then, bringing their attention back to him. “We are the Justice League. You have broken into our base. I will not ask again, who are you and what do you want?”
“Justice League?” Peter broke into a peal of laughter then, practically hunching over at the waist in his mirth. “T-That’s so corny! It’s even worse than the Avengers! Oh my god, Felicia! The Justice League! Dun dun dun!”
Felicia gave a tight smile, watching closely as the members of said league stiffened. He assumed they were a mixture of offended and confused. Dick was just enjoying the chaos, at this point.
“Yeah well this League of Justice looks like they want to kick our asses.” She said dryly, raising a brow as Oliver nocked back an arrow and took aim.
“Pffft!” Harry grumbled, still snickering as his eyes stayed shut. “As if they could-“
Peter’s head snapped up suddenly and his shoulders stiffened. He raised his hands in surrender as he kept an eye on Oliver and Bruce each. “Look, we don’t mean any harm. Honestly we’re just as confused as you are. I mean- you saw the whole portal spitting us into the room thing, right?”
“It did not feel good, for the record.” Harry spoke up, not bothering to lift his head. “Did get us out of that stupid gala though.”
Dicks brows shot up and he shared a look with Bruce. Maybe if they just let them keep talking, they’d get enough information to figure out what the hell was happening.
“That’s true!” Peter brightened before slumping dramatically. “Tony’s gonna kill me.”
Felicia clicked her tongue, shaking her head. “Of course he is. We disappeared in the middle of a charity benefit!”
“Oh god!” Harry moaned, moving to wrap his arms around Felicia’s waist, hugging her midsection. “Stark’s gonna blame me, isn’t he? Asshole always thinks it’s my fault. You become a supervillain and suddenly you can’t be trusted to be around his kid.”
Woah? Supervillain? The guy looked twenty two at most but Dick knew better than to judge someone by appearance. His fingers tightened around his escrima sticks and he kept a wary eye on the self proclaimed supervillian.
Peter rolled his eyes. Hard. “Oh please, you were barely a villian, let alone a super one.”
“Hey!” Harry sat up, clearly offended and… hurt?
“What?” Peter scoffed, a smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth. “Got something to say, baby ?”
Harry’s face flushed and he let an actual real life growl , like some sort of feral animal, baring his teeth and everything. It looked like he was seconds away from leaping forward to attack Peter and Dick was just about to speak up and say… something… when Felicia sighed, snapping her fingers. “Boys, we’re getting off topic.” She said, tone clearly disappointed.
Dick almost laughed. Had they ever been on topic?
Peter huffed, crossing his arms at the solid reprimand. He scrunched his nose and stuck his tongue out at Harry before turning his attention back to the league. He scanned their appearance, face growing more and more confused as his eyes passed over each of them. In the end, he circled back to Clark.
“Look, we don’t know where we are. I’m pretty sure I speak for all of us when I say we don’t know who any of you are. We were just in New York at a Stark Gala when we fell through the portal. I’m a little tipsy, work with me here, kay?” Peter rambled, words slurred slightly.
Yeah, tipsy his ass.
Clark’s eyes narrowed slightly and his lips formed into a worried frown. “You don’t know who we are?” He echoed the question that all of the league were thinking.
Felicia sighed again. Damn, that girl sighed a lot. Looking up from where she’d been carelessly inspecting her nails, she made eye contact with Clark, pursing her lips. “Are we supposed to?”
“We’re the Justice League!” Barry blurted incredulously.
Harry tilted his head, raising a brow. “Yeah, you said that. Is that supposed to mean something to us? Are you some knock off version of the Avengers or something?”
“Who are these Avengers you speak of?” Diana asked calmly, though Dick could see his pseudo aunts nerves in the tightening of her fists.
Peter scoffed, waving a hand. “Uh, you know, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes?” His expression grew wary at the blank stares he received in response. “You know, Captain America? Black Widow? Hulk? Hawkeye? Thor? Scarlet Witch? Vision?War Machine? Iron Man?” His words took on a slightly frantic edge as he listed off some of the strangest names Dick had ever heard. “Nothing?” He croaked, shoulders drooping.
“I swear to God Peter Benjamin Parker, what did you do now?” Felicia snapped, finally shoving Harry away from her and moving to get to her feet, paying no mind to the several tense heroes.
“Why do you always think it’s my fault?!” Peter shouted, waving his arms wildly in his indignation.
“Uh, you’re the one that talks about Parker Luck.” Harry pointed out, blowing a raspberry when Peter shot him a dirty look.
“I didn’t do anything this time.” Peter said firmly, turning back to Felicia with steel behind his eyes.
Felecia hummed, inspecting his face closely. “I believe you. Still doesn’t mean this isn’t somehow your fault.”
“Hey!”
Felicia smiled slyly. “Sorry Petey, Harry is right, you’ve really got the worst luck.”
Peter groaned, putting his face in his hands. He peeked up at Felicia through his fingers. “Mind sharing some of yours then?”
Felicia groaned this time, exasperated and fond. “Dork.” She said simply.
Dick blinked rapidly under his mask, incredulity growing with every word the group spoke. What the hell was going on?