Chapter Text
Harvey Dent is an allowed member of the rogue’s gallery who can phone in, Harv however is banned, this is one of the many reasons that this is the case.
Gotham’s sky is growling and crackling, rain coming down in sheets sending everyone scarpering for shelter. Even the rogues have decided that tonight, it is all too much and they have better things to do then attempt to drown on land.
The Riddler leans forward and tries not to drip, cloths soaked through even beyond his coat as he flicks the on switch and leans back in his chair, this cannot be delayed any further.
Edward Nygma: I would say good evening my dear listeners, but it really isn’t tonight, is it? Weather not even befitting our dreadful city, not that we’d ever change her for the world, isn’t that right?
(An audible creaking of a chair not keen on its owner’s abuse)
Anyway, I fear that I have no guests tonight – we know tonight was a little on the fence if it would even happen, but I am nowhere near stupid enough to continue facing that rain. While I would say likewise about many of my criminal companions, well even they have decided it is best to shelter in tonight. Part of me would wonder if people were even listening, but it’s not like any of you have anything better to do then listening to me, that include you listener, you don’t need to phone her back and ask if she wants to come over. I’m sure that I am far more entertaining for your mind, and your other things if you want while you listen.
One of the lights on the Riddler’s desk lights up, curiouser and curiouser, it’s true he didn’t suspect one of his friends to be free tonight but it seems they’re going to for once, prove him wrong. So of course, he presses the button.
Edward Nygma: We have someone on the line, you’re audible to all who have the smarts to listen in to me. So, what wisdom do you bring to our tragic night?
The other end of the line cracks and pops, clearly not the best and Nygma can be heard sighing, even if he’s tried not to aim it into the microphone.
Scarecrow: You can call it tragic, boy, when you’re sat in a hideout that has more leaks than you expected because some other certain rogues I will not be naming right now, are lying cheapskates.
Edward Nygma: That is the downfall of not being all that well liked, Scarecrow, but it’s fine, we like you here. Especially when you’re on the other end of the phone and thus I am more then safe from your Fear Toxin, it would be more then even a paid stream for you all to hear me recite my darkest fears to Gotham’s own Bogeyman. Though, the fact you’re oh so soggy right now, does that mean our fellow Gothamites should maybe avoid the streets for a little longer in case the closest puddle will cause them a less then fitful sleep.
Scarecrow: Our Toxin is better stored then that, more me who’s having to deal with being wet. Not that it seems like something you’d have to deal with *A deep chuckle* doubt even Gotham herself would risk dealing with your ire about your looks being ruined.
Edward Nygma: *A rather dramatic and clearly faked gasp* Oh you are so cruel to me, I invite you on my show and look what you do. Unfortunately, while you respect that I am oh so special and above the rest of you, Gotham herself does not agree and I am not waterproof. What I am however, is now drying out, unlike you from the seems of things Scarecrow. Does this mean you are finally enjoying your yearly bath? They won’t even need the Bats to track you down, the cops can just follow the scent trail of wet burlap and hay; and then hay presto the Scarecrow is finally unmasked. Look, I even used a pathetic little pun for you, aren’t you entertained?
From the crackling line there’s the sound of another far creakier chair and then a loud banging, like you’d hear from a head slamming dramatically into a table.
Scarecrow: I do not know why we are friends with you.
Edward Nygma: Because I am gorgeous and entertaining?
Scarecrow: Well, it’s certainly because you’re something.
Edward Nygma: Right, well if you’re not going to be polite, you can go back to suffering through this downpour alone, if you really want my company you can listen in like anyone else.
Scarecrow: *An offended noise simply escapes from the man’s throat, more like a growl then anything else* No, fine, I’ll behave. I know your listeners always prefer it when you have company and when they have nothing else to distract them other then the rain, well I am glad to please.
Edward Nygma: That’s good, you’re on your warning though Scarecrow, I can and will willingly toss you out.
(Voice now dropping to an almost hissed whisper) And I mean that Scarecrow, you may be fun for me at times but this is my show, you’re not here to scare anyone anymore then your presents alone simply does.
(Raising back to his usual, chipper self) Anyway, dearest Gotham, this weather sure is bringing all of the rats out of their hides, you weren’t even sure if you’d get to hear my stunning thoughts and now I can also provide you with Scarecrow’s slightly less stunning ones. Help get your minds off of the far less plans you’ve had to cancel, doubt any of you had anything better to do. Though this does remind me, Harley, darling, if you’re listening, please do not continue what was meant to be our nights plans without me. Not only would it be heartbreakingly rude, but they’re not all in place and I’d hate to see your soggy face in the paper tomorrow because some upset and pathetic beat cop got their hands on you.
Edward slowly loses his train of thought, not that he’ll admit that to anyone, as he watches the light on his receiver flash once more. Interesting, not only has he got one unexpected rogue tonight, but another seems to want his attention, he’ll never say more to attention.
Edward Nygma: And it seems we have another rogue on the line, welcome you’re also live with me tonight alongside our spooky Scarecrow. Who is it that’s come to join the intellectual party.
Two-Face [Harv]: Bad enough we had to see your stupid fucking face today,
(The unmistakable ping of a coin being flipped)
but now you’re also all we can hear in our own fucking base! ‘Parently you’re the only good thing to do when it’s pissing it down and we have shipment that needs to be moved.
Two-Face [Harvey]: *Voice soft, only just audible* Are you bothering Edward? You know this isn’t going to end well for you, for us because he doesn’t like you, and you really don’t make yourself likeable to him.
Edward Nygma: Well, I’m not going to say good evening to you Harv, I will say good evening to your henchmen though. I am so sorry your boss is such an ass.
Two-Face [Harv]: Oh, I’m the ass am I? You are nothing but a stuck-up little boy who’s being entertained by people like Scarecrow ‘cause he thinks it’s fun and likes having a younger man fawn over him.
Scarecrow: Oi, I can hear you shithead, and I know where your shipment is tonight, I’m already damp so don’t mind paying you and your boys a visit.
Two-Face [Harv]: Not really defending yourself there, Scarecrow. How much older than him are you?
Edward Nygma: No, Harv you can shut up or I’m turning you off. This is not what the listeners are here for, there are enough filthy gossip magazines for that – and do I need to remind you that you are technically already banned from the show? The only reason that you are not blocked is because I know and quite like Harvey, you really do yourself no favours in regards to gaining fans. And Scarecrow, please, you’re not helping this. I may not know what your ugly mug looks like but I know you’re not all that much older than me, neither of you two are.
(The tapping of inpatient and unimpressed fingers can be just about heard up against the table)
I know listeners, tonight I was meant to be providing you respite from the pain and here I am, being bullied in my own show by some of Gotham’s underground because they know nothing better to do. Even if they have brains deep in there, they really don’t know how to use them.
Two-Face [Harv]: Now you listen here you…
The line cuts dead on that end, a deep growling groan emitting from Edward’s throat, not even sure if he remembered to only sever the one connection rather than both.
Edward Nygma: Well, that is quite enough of him for the night, and probably longer. Though, maybe I’ll steer a little clearer from his rings of Gotham for the next few days until much like the storm, he’s dried out. I must promise you Gotham, we don’t all react like that, and sometimes our ex-DA can even have a rather civilised conversation, wondering if maybe the Bat didn’t call him back and that’s why he’s got a stick up his ass. Anyway, I do hope you’re not drowning in there, Scarecrow.
Scarecrow: *A content, almost melodic humming is simply now fluttering through his line*
Edward Nygma: Scarecrow, are you still there? We appear to be having some form of musical interference from your end, of course it’s not something I have done wrong, I know this set up better then the back of my hand, made it myself.
Scarecrow: Yes, we are fine Edward, though we will be off now. We are already damp enough and we have been given an outlet for this annoyance.
Edward Nygma: Well, that is mighty foreboding, I am going to put a limb out and assume that if any of Two-Face’s men are still listening, you might want to scramble if your boss isn’t going to harm you for it. Though, there goes all of my Company, I wonder if the GCPD’s call in lines are still up or if the likely flooding has already taken over?
Scarecrow’s line cuts dead, leaving Edward alone with just his own thoughts to entertain him and the mases, though the floods have not started yet, so he does have a hotline he can call in and abuse. That always does keep him and the listeners entertained, and should distract him from his own growing rage at Harv’s antics.