Chapter Text
Megumi’s blood drained from his face as he watched Yuji swallow that finger. It was a one-in-a-million chance, and apparently, his luck was just that bad as he watched that cursed spirit explode.
He watched as Yuuji—no, not anymore—he watched as the King of Curses turned around and made eye contact with him; Megumi froze, he couldn’t move, but what came out of Sukuna’s mouth was the last thing he’d expected him to say.
“Fuck… Am I high right now??” At this point, they shouldn’t be surprised; they have read and re-watched Jujutsu Kaisen so many times, of course, they would start hallucinating it from the lack of sleep.
“...What...?” Megumi said, confusion spread across his face. Before Sukuna could answer, a hand reached up and grabbed their face.
“Hey, what are you doing to my body? Give it back!” He's here!!! The BOYYYY!! The sweet, innocent child was here! And now they don’t have to do anything!
…
Sukuna just had the best idea they've probably ever had, and it involves not doing anything, and it starts now.
“Oh, shiet, my bad, here, take it back.” And that was that, time to get the rest they deserve after many years. God, they hope this hallucination never ends it’s like a dream come true for them.
“That was uhh, surprisingly easy?” Itadori said, puzzled, but Fushiguro Megumi was still in his Mahoraga stance, looking like he's gonna start hyperventilating, which, honestly? Wouldn’t be that far off.
‘No advanced calculus or physics! I could kiss someone right now!’ Sukuna now rejoiced that they— no, HE could now sleep with no repercussions whatsoever and that definitely won’t bite him in the ass later. No alarms to wake him up,
and he promptly fell asleep.
“DON’T MOVE!” Fushiguro yelled as Yuuji looked at him confused.
“You’re no longer human.” He continued
“Huh...?” Fushiguro paid no mind to Yuuji’s confusion; he needed to harden his resolve for this, no matter if he wanted to do this or not. Fushiguro had no say in this.
“Under Jujutsu regulations, I will exorcise the curse known as Itadori Yuuji.” But Yuuji spoke up,
“HOL’ UP! More importantly, we’re both pretty beat up. We need to get to a hospital.” As Yuuji's mark faded away, Fushiguro had millions of thoughts running through his head right now; however, he was unable to voice any of them out loud now as the one and only Gojo Satoru appeared out of thin air, taking him by surprise.
“So what’s the situation?”
“Sorry… I ate it.” A dumbfounded face appeared on Gojo, very obvious, even with the blindfold on.
“For real?”
“For real.” Instant reply, both at the same time, by the two teenage boys.
Gojo went up to Yuuji close, like he does NOT know what personal space is (probably doesn’t anyways), and the boy wonders if he can even see with the blindfold on.
“Haha! Damn, it really did combine with you. That’s hilarious.” Frankly, Gojo should’ve been more concerned about this, but hey! The kid seems mostly fine, apart from a few minor scratches and probably a concussion.
Of course, Gojo makes sure to confirm that there isn’t anything wrong with the boy’s body before asking,
“Can you swap out with Sukuna?”
“Sukuna?”
“The curse you ate.” Yuuji closed his eyes like he was thinking for a moment.
“He’s asleep, I think? I mean, I hear a light snoring inside my head right now… I think that's him.” He paused for a moment,
“You, uhh, want me to wake him up?”
“Yes, that would be very helpful!” Gojo exclaimed happily, albeit he is feeling almost everything BUT that. He did not know curses slept, and how does anyone even fall asleep that quickly?
“Ok, give us 1 minute, then come back to us.” He had thrown a bag to Megumi that contained Kikufuku, something about it being a speciality. ‘This guy actually went and bought souvenirs while people are out here dying!’
As if reading his thoughts,
“It’s not a souvenir; I’m going to eat it on the bullet train home.”
Sukuna was pissed. Yuuji had woken him up because he forgot that he needed to fight Mr. ‘OoOoOoooo, look at me! I have a paintbrush for a head and I’m the strongest.’
Gojo looks away from Megumi and looks straight at Sukuna with that shit-eating grin,
“Nice of you to join us, oh ‘King of Curses.’” Gojo remarks snarkily, clearly wanting to get on his nerves, and it almost worked.
‘I’ll soon be the king of cursing your mom out if you don’t leave me alone.’ But he didn’t say it out loud, as it would be very rude and his mama actually taught him manners, unlike OGkuna (full offence to him, by the way).
…
But wait, this is all just a hallucination. Why stick to the plot when you can make someone who annoys you uncomfortable? It’s not like any of this would matter later anyway, so why not have some fun?
Sukuna opened his mouth and closed it as he thought about what to say, but he never thinks before he speaks and it sometimes goes well. So no more hesitation.
Sukuna was always the best when they didn’t think before they spoke, so-
“Is this some sort of weird kink of yours, paintbrush head? Fighting someone currently weaker than you?” Gojo nearly choked.
This is the price you pay for interrupting Sukuna’s beauty sleep. Besides, it’s going to get worse from here on out; he is removing his filter. May the universe have mercy on the honoured one.
“WOAH WOAH WOAH! HOLD UP—” Gojo was not mentally prepared for this, but alas, Sukuna continued,
“I mean, I’m not kink shaming, but I literally just met you? Like—this is my first impression of you, by the way… Not a very good look for you.” At this point, Sukuna was having way too much fun messing with him, and Gojo sputtered, trying to think of a response that wouldn’t ruin his reputation with the King of Curses.
“I DON'T HAVE THAT SORT OF KINK, NOR AM I INTERESTED IN YOU!” But Sukuna wasn’t listening at this point, the one minute was nearly up, and he wanted to go back to his metaphorical bed, obviously, anybody who was in his position would want to make a dramatic exit.
“操你妈的。” Fuck you| Direct chinese translation: Fuck your mom and the marks faded away, back to Yuuji's obliviousness.
“So how did it go?” Gojo promptly knocked Yuuji out.
Of course Satoru knew it wasn’t Yuuji’s fault and he was going to get back at Sukuna later down the line (Did he just speak chinese??) but never in his 27 years had anyone humiliated him like that and he didn’t even find out if Yuuji could control him or not!
This was NOT going the way that he had planned. He did not expect someone that lived over a thousand years ago to speak like a typical teenager.
“What are you going to do?” Megumi asked, good question. And Gojo had already thought of an answer,
“If he isn’t possessed by Sukuna when he wakes up, he might have potential as a vessel.” Gojo then turned to Megumi.
“Now here’s a question! What do you think we should do with him?” Megumi knew the rules that were in place. However, he didn’t want someone like Yuuji to die for his mistakes.
“Even if he is a vessel, Jujutsu regulations would demand that Itadori be executed… However,”
“I don't want to let him die.” The stern look on his face told Gojo all he needed to know.
“Are those your personal feelings?”
“Yes. Please do something about it.” Who was Gojo to say ‘no’ to his precious students? Gojo gave a chuckle.
“Leave it to me!” He assured, so let’s pray that it is Yuuji that wakes up.