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Standing in front of the Captain's office, Tommy took a steadying breath, raised his hand and after only a moment's hesitation, knocked firmly.
"Come in."
Opening the door, Tommy stepped inside, closing the door softly behind him.
"Tommy," Bobby said with a warm smile. "What can I do for you?"
"I was hoping I could talk to you about... about transferring."
Bobby's eyes widened. "Oh?" He gestured towards the empty chair in front of his desk, and Tommy sunk down, feeling a little like the kid who had been called into the principal's office.
"Yeah. An opening has come up in the 217, and I was thinking of applying. And a good word from you would go a long way."
"I'd be happy to give it," Bobby said immediately. "You're an exemplary firefighter, Tommy, and we'll be sorry to see you go."
Tommy smiled, relief blossoming in his chest. He didn't understand why he had been so nervous - Bobby was a good guy, there had never really been any doubts that he would approve Tommy's transfer. "Thanks, Cap."
Bobby folded his hands in front of him on the desk and leaned forward. "If you don't mind me asking, is there any particular reason for your transfer? Are you not happy here? You've been with the 118 for over a decade, and then not long after I arrive, you ask for a transfer - I can't help but wonder if maybe I've done something wrong."
The thought of the secret Tommy had been carrying around for years popped briefly into his head, but he immediately pushed it away and gave Bobby a reassuring smile. "Oh no, nothing like that. You're great Cap - it's been a relief to finally have someone decent who's finally willing to stick around. It's got nothing to do with you, really. It's just... I used to be a pilot. In the army. And I've been missing it, being up in the sky. And when I heard rumours that Majors over at the 217 was thinking of retiring, it brought back that desire to fly again - only this time I'll be helping people instead of hurting them."
"Well, like I said, we'll be sorry to lose you, but I'll do everything I can to make sure that this happens for you," Bobby said, standing up and extending a hand over the table. Tommy followed suit and grasped his hand, shaking it firmly. Bobby's eyes locked onto Tommy's and Tommy couldn't help the feeling that the other man was looking deep into his soul, so Tommy quickly averted his eyes. There was a sensation like insects were crawling under his skin, and he quickly withdrew his hand, unconsciously rubbing them against his pants to wipe off the sweat that had started to form.
"Are you sure everything is ok Tommy?" Bobby asked, concern lacing his voice.
Tommy gave a weak smile. "I'm fine Cap." He made little finger guns and pointed back towards the fire house. "I better get back to it."
Tommy turned and headed towards the office door. His hand reached for the knob, but instead of turning it, it remained frozen in place.
"Tommy?" Bobby asked again, softly.
Tommy turned slowly to face his captain and swallowed, nervous.
"You can talk to me, you know," Bobby said. "And if you don't feel comfortable talking to me, I can find someone for you who you can talk to. You look like you want to talk to someone."
Tommy clenched and unclenched his fists that hung by his sides, his feet rooted to the floor. He wanted to end this conversation and leave, but his body wouldn't let him. He opened his mouth to insist once again that he was fine, but his mind obviously had other ideas because that's not what came out. "I'm gay."
Tommy felt like all the air had left his lungs, his stomach clenching like he had been punched in the gut and his body was trying desperately to recover. He couldn't believe he had just said that. Out loud. To another person. Hell, he hadn't even had the guts to say it to himself yet, and now, here he was admitting it for the first time in front of his Captain. Way to go Kinard.
"Oh," Bobby said for the second time in this conversation. "Well, thank you for telling me."
"I've never told anyone before," Tommy admitted quietly, and Bobby's eyes widened slightly in surprise.
"Well I feel honoured that you felt you could tell me," Bobby said kindly. "Although, can I ask - I'm surprised you haven't told Hen."
"That's not really a question," Tommy couldn't help but quip, but Bobby smiled in response, much to Tommy's relief. "I know I could tell Hen. The thing is... when she first came to the 118, I was a bit of a dick. A lot of a dick really. And I know we worked past all that years ago, but I feel like..." Tommy swallowed the lump in his throat. "I feel like a bit of a fraud. A hypocrite. That all this time I've been hiding who I was, especially when she was so brave and out and copping all of that flack when she first started."
"I'm sure Hen wouldn't judge you for needing to find the right time to come out."
"I know she wouldn't," Tommy agreed. "It's the type of person that she is. Doesn't make me feel any less of a fraud though."
Bobby nodded in understanding. "I get that," he said softly, and Tommy frowned, because there was a trace of pain in Bobby's voice that indicated he knew exactly how Tommy was feeling. There was a story there, but Tommy wasn't going to push - he knew all too well the desire to keep some things to yourself. "So, is that the reason you want to transfer?"
"I really do miss flying, and would like to get back to it," Tommy insisted. "But... yeah, it's part of the reason. A big part. The people here are great, especially now that people like Gerrard are long gone. But there's too much history here - I want to be able to have a fresh start."
Bobby nodded in understanding, a haunted look flashing briefly in his eyes. Yup, there was definitely a story there.
"Well, like I said, I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you get your transfer," Bobby said. "And you don't have to worry about anyone hearing about any of this from me - what was said in this room stays in this room."
Tommy let out an audible sigh of relief. "Thanks again Cap." Tommy smiled. "I just hope that the next Captain I get is half as good as you."
"Oh I'm sure they are, I'm nothing special, " Bobby joked.
"I don't know about that," Tommy said sincerely, and Bobby jerked slightly in surprise at the admission before giving Tommy a warm and genuine smile. "Thanks again, Cap. For everything. I just hope one day I can repay you."
"I'm sure you will, Tommy. I've got no doubt."