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If Lance McClain was sure of anything, it was that Keith was trying to kill him.
Softly. With love. And very, very slowly.
Why?
Because Keith was on the sofa under a blanket that Hunk had knit them last semester, holding a steaming mug of tea in his hands.
Oh, and did he mention that Keith was also in one of his hoodies? Specifically Lance’s favorite hoodie, the one that vaguely resembled a dinosaur and also was oversized on literally everybody.
So, in conclusion?
Lance was absolutely, completely down bad. Not that he’d ever admit it to anyone, of course- he still had some sense, and Hunk would only tease him for the rest of his life .
There were multiple occasions where Hunk would wiggle his eyebrows at him before whispering, “Look, it’s loverboy.”
Lance did not need more of that. Absolutely not. No way in hell.
Still, Keith looked… like something out of a dream, to be honest.
Thankfully, he wasn’t a dream- he was tangible, and warm, and- Lance really shouldn’t finish that train of thought.
But really, he was beautiful . Or handsome. Or whatever. Why the hell couldn’t people decide on one adjective that was gender neutral? It was stupid.
But that didn’t matter.
Lance really needed to get his shit together, because, well.
Very, very pretty boy.
Keith was fully absorbed in his movie, eyes glued to the screen, so Lance didn’t need to hide the fact that he was staring at his… friend? Kind-of-friend who liked to tease him? Crush?
Lance decided to walk over, taking his chance to slide in right next to Keith.
“What’s up, Mullet?” he asked, poking Keith in the side. “What movie is that?”
Keith snorted. “It’s The Prisoner of Azkaban , dumbass. Have you never watched Harry Potter?”
“No,” Lance lied, wanting to see the way Keith’s eyes lit up as he talked about something he was passionate about. “What is it about?”
“Oh, you haven’t read it either?” Keith looked over, eying Lance suspiciously. “I no longer trust you, traitor,” he exclaimed, grinning.
“Well, Mr. Know-It-All, tell me what it’s about. Enlighten me with your divine wisdom, if you will.”
“Well, there’s this boy called Harry…”
And Lance listened, watching Keith gesture wildly as he attempted to explain something called “wolfstar” or something. He wasn’t quite sure- his attention was focused on the way he got more passionate as he spoke.
“I’m back, lovebirds!” Pidge’s chirpy voice called from the doorway after Lance had gotten lost in Keith’s deep blue- nearly gray- eyes more times than he could count. “You’d better have your clothes on.”
“Oh, fuck off, Pidge,” Keith called back, cutting his third tangent off. Something about a “jegulus,” this time? Lance still had no idea.
“No,” she replied, poking her head around the door and flipping him- and by proxy, Lance- off. “Are you two having fun?”
“Yes, mom,” Keith said, rolling his eyes affectionately. “Do you wanna finish Prisoner of Azkaban with us?”
“Of course I do, thanks for asking,” she said, grinning wildly before hopping onto the couch between the two that were already on it.
Lance could’ve sworn he saw something akin to disappointment flash across Keith’s face before he turned to face the screen.
“I saw you staring,” Pidge whispered to Lance discreetly as a black dog dragged a ginger into a tree-hole by the leg on TV.
“No you didn’t,” Lance whispered back. “Shhh.”
“No,” Pidge huffed. “You’re such a simp, it’s almost sad. You know he likes you back, right? He’s just not confident enough. He doesn’t want to ruin it.”
“I can sense that you two are talking about me,” Keith said, eyes not leaving the screen. “Stop. I want to watch this scene.”
Lance flushed pink as Pidge giggled. “Is it time for Sirius and Remus?” she asked. “The “obviously homoerotic bro-hug”, as you like to call it?”
“Duh. Now shut up, I want to know how much of this scene I can remember.”
For some reason, the characters were in a little wooden hut now. And the dog had turned into… a man?
Lance had no idea what was happening. Sue him, he never watched anything past the first movie, which was probably a huge oversight on his part. Probably.
“Only one will die tonight,” Keith muttered along with the actor who also just so happened to be the dog from earlier.
It was all a bit confusing to Lance, but the enthusiasm of his friend-slash-crush-slash-who-the-fuck-knows-anymore was endearing, especially as he quoted the scene from memory.
He didn’t have the right to be so cute, honestly. Lance wanted to kiss him so fucking bad-
“You’re staring,” Pidge whispered so softly that he almost couldn’t hear her. “Fucking simp . Look at you, oh my gosh.”
Lance flipped her off. “I’m not staring,” he whispered back.
She tilted her head and cocked an eyebrow. “Really? You wouldn’t mind if I told Hunk about your not-staring, then?”
“Don’t-”
“Ha. Gotcha. You’re a liar ,” she crowed as triumphantly as she could while still trying to keep her voice low. “And I’m telling him anyways, so-”
“Be quiet,” Keith frowned at the both of them. “You two sound like hissing snakes or something right now.”
Lance felt uncomfortably chastised. “Yeah, alright, Mullet,” he muttered, watching as Keith smiled at him and refocused on the screen, where- some dude was now turning into a werewolf? And the dog-man from earlier was trying to stop it with the ‘pick-me-girl’ route and the power of love and friendship? And there was a man who was turning into a rat and running away?
What the fuck?
A movement caught Lance’s attention. Pidge was pulling out her phone, grinning deviously at him.
“No,” he mouthed, shaking his head rapidly. “Don’t you dare.”
Her grin only widened. “Loser,” she mouthed, tapping away at something on her screen.
A few seconds later, Lance’s own phone buzzed. Multiple times, in fact.
There were quite a few text messages.
From Hunk.
Lance opened the notifications, fearing the worst.
hunk: boiii what did pidge just tell me
hunk: why was i not told you had a date with keith??
hunk: and you say youre my best friend
hunk: sigh
hunk: time to make best friend application flyers i guess
Glaring at Pidge, he muttered, “Fuck you. That’s not accurate at all. You’re here, so it’s not a date.”
“It is,” she hissed back. “I’m third-wheeling so hard right now, Lance. You have so much sexual tension? How is that even possible?”
Lance flipped her off, quickly typing out a response to his best friend.
lance: its not a date pidge is here too
hunk: …
hunk: shes third wheeling you two so hard right now
lance: funny. she actually just said that to me
hunk: CALLED IT
hunk: but back to the point. why did you not tell me that you and keith were on a date?
hunk: i honestly thought youd be screeching and throwing things at the wall
hunk: but i saw none of that before you left our room??
lance: I SAID ITS NOT A DATE THATS WHY
lance: ITS jUSt SOME FRIENDS HANGING OUT TOGETHER BRO
lance: ARE YOU INSINUATING THAT JUST BC IM BI MEANS THAT EVERY TIME IM WITH A FRIEND ITS A DATE???
hunk: ok defensive?? what did i do???
hunk: and no. its because you and keith make eyes at each others backs when you think youre being sneaky
hunk: its kinda disgusting
lance: I DO NOT???
hunk: yeah you do. i have proof.
lance: DELETE IT?? STOP
lance: STOP BULLYING ME???
hunk: no.
hunk: honestly just kiss him at this point
hunk: your pining is sickening and you look like a kicked puppy right now.
lance: hOW DO U KNOW WHAT IM LOOKING LIKE RN??
hunk: im watching you. Duh.
lance: …stalker.
hunk: hahahhaaaa no. pidge sent me a pic
lance: THATS NOT BETTER??
lance: imma strangle her with my own two hands istg
hunk: murder isnt ok bro
lance: i hate u
hunk: love you too!! but not *that* way
hunk: that way is for keith and keith only
lance: STOP
lance: HOW DARE???
hunk: kiss him
lance: oh mY GOD WHAT THE HELL HUNK
hunk: bye ill see you later fill me in on the date!!
lance: i hope u know that i hate u
When Lance finally looked up from his (very heated and very much justified) text conversation, he noticed the mischievous glint in Pidge’s eye.
“Oh, no-”
She got up from the couch, moving to the other side of Lance- pushing him to the middle of the couch so that he was next to Keith.
And then she had the audacity to wink at him before shoving him so that he was practically lying on his kind-of-friend-kind-of-crush’s lap.
Cursing her name in his mind, he offered a sheepish smile to the now-confused Keith. “Hey, Mullet,” he said, hoping that the other wouldn’t shove him to the ground.
“Hi, Lance. Want to tell me why you’re here now?” There was a bit of pink dusting Keith’s cheeks.
“It’s Pidge’s fault.”
“Of course it is.”
“Hey!” Pidge protested. “I was helping .”
“Helping what?”
“You two-” she cut herself off, groaning. “Ugh. You’re such idiots, I swear to God.”
“Well we can't all be geniuses like you, Ms. I-Got-Into-University-At-Sixteen.” Keith stuck his tongue out at her.
“Fuck you. At least I don’t have incredible UST with one of my friends,” she huffed, crossing her arms.
“What’s UST?” Lance asked.
Keith turned bright red, which was quite a pretty color on him. “Nothing,” he stammered.
Pidge cackled. “It stands for unresolved se-”
Keith leaned over, slapping a hand on her mouth. “Shhhh,” he said. “I have blackmail on you, too- oh my god , did you just lick my hand?” he shrieked, wiping it off on her shirt.
“It’s a fun tactic,” she shrugged. “But fine. I won’t tell him.”
“If you won’t tell me, Google will,” Lance shrugged.
“ No ,” Keith yelped, snatching Lance’s phone. “Don’t. Your phone has been confiscated.”
“Aw, man.”
“Also, can I get up? The movie’s, like, over.”
“No, it isn’t?” Lance said.
“It is to me. The best scene is over and I’ve already watched this movie multiple times, so scoot.”
Lance sat up sheepishly, watching Keith get up and exit the room, going into the kitchen.
“Follow him,” Pidge hissed, pushing him off of the couch. “Go. Stop making me have to see you make eyes at his back.”
“Fine,” Lance huffed, even though he was secretly glad that he now had a reason to follow Keith.
“I’m coming too,” she whispered. “Don’t look too happy.”
“Fine.” He stretched his arms above his head and got up, cracking his back. “Come on, then.”
They walked into the kitchen together. Keith was making himself a bowl of cereal.
Horrified, Lance realized that he’d poured the milk first .
“What the fuck?” he screeched. “That’s not how you make cereal!?”
“What are you talking about, Lance?” Keith asked, tilting his head to the side, and gosh darn it, Lance really liked him. Even if he poured the milk before the cereal.
“You’re supposed to pour the cereal first, not the milk?! You’re doing it the wrong way, Mullet-”
“It works,” Keith shrugged. “Why would I change it?”
“Because-”
“Speaking of changing,” Pidge said, cutting him off. Lance shot her a glare. “Can you two go grab some stuff from my storage closet? I need to change my sheets.”
“Why am I doing your chores for you, Pidge?” Keith huffed, a spoonful of cereal already halfway to his mouth. “I don’t even live here!”
“Me neither,” Lance added.
“It's the price you pay for being my friend. And I also have a few pictures of you, Keith, that I bet Shiro would love to see-”
“Fuck you,” Keith groaned, setting down his bowl and walking away grumpily, most likely heading to the storage closet.
Lance frowned. “Why am I doing chores, then?”
“I’ll show Hunk some pictures I took of you when you were starin-”
“Fine.”
“Great! You can just follow Keith. I’ll be over here, doing nothing suspicious at all…”
“Yeah, right,” he huffed before trailing after Keith’s retreating frame.
~~~~~
The closet was kind of musty, not to mention stale and cramped , which was a definite issue, since there were two bodies in there and at least one of them had a crush on the other.
“What color did she say she wanted?” Keith asked, rummaging through a bunch of cardboard boxes.
“Dunno.”
Suddenly, the closet door slammed shut with a definitive click .
“Shit,” Lance cursed, fiddling with the handle.
Nothing happened.
They were trapped.
“Do you have your phone?” he asked Keith, who shook his head.
“No, I left it on the kitchen counter next to my cereal. And you don’t have yours, since you were being irresponsible.”
“But you took it.”
“Because you were being irresponsible with the internet,” Keith deadpanned.
“I was Googling a word.”
“Sure you were.”
“You could see my screen!?”
“Maybe.”
“As fun as this is to hear,” a third voice called from the outside. “You two should get your shit together.”
“Pidge, let us out,” Keith said, banging his fists on the metal door.
“No. Bye, lovebirds.” There were retreating footsteps.
“Fuck,” Keith groaned. “What are we going to do now?”
“Turn on the light, probably.”
“Right.”
And there was light. Lance could see Keith in all of his glory, now- and he was a sight to behold, even with dust in his hair and a wild look in his eyes.
“So, back to the question you just asked,” Lance said after he’d finally regained his ability to speak. “What do we do now?”
“We just sit in here and talk until Pidge wants to let us out, I guess.”
“That’s a good idea.”
Lance crouched down, managing to sit on the floor. Keith did the same thing, but the closet was so cramped that they had to sit with their sides touching
“So uh, what’s your favorite color?” Keith asked after an awkward pause.
“Blue. It’s like… calm, and stuff. Yours?”
“Pidge would say that it’s black because of my brooding soul or whatever, but it’s actually red.”
And that was when Lance fucked up. Badly.
It had completely fallen out of his mouth in a moment of stupidity.
“Pity. You’d look really hot in blue-”
Keith flushed. “What?”
“Uh, sorry,” Lance said sheepishly. “Just- well, you’re really hot- like, objectively, of course, not in a gay way- but of course I’m not homophobic, I’m bi,” he stammered. “But you have, like, really pretty eyes and they’re blueish but also grayish, and if you really look at them they look purple, and purple goes really well with blue-”
He was cut off by a pair of lips on his.
Sure, it was a bit awkward since they were literally right next to each other with their shoulders touching, and sure it was a bit messy since neither of them could turn to face the other properly, but it was amazing .
Lance was pretty sure that he would be drooling if his mouth wasn’t connected to Keith’s.
Holy fuck. He was kissing Keith .
Hunk was going to victory dance for the rest of his natural life.
He pushed all of his thoughts to the back of his mind.
Suddenly, everything around him went into hyperfocus. He could feel the boxes poking at his back, the wooden flooring, the hand in his hair pulling him closer to Keith-
It was all sharp in his mind, since he was busy not thinking, but instead feeling.
And then Keith pulled away, panting. “Fuck,” he gasped. “Sorry.”
Lance was pretty sure he made a sound like a wounded animal. “Don’t be sorry, that was amazing.”
“But you didn’t agree, and-”
“And I don’t care. I like you, Keith. And I just know that Pidge and Hunk will make fun of me when they find out I’ve told you, but I’ve had a really big crush on you for a while .”
Keith looked at him disbelievingly. “No way. I’ve also had a really big crush on you, Lance. You have no idea how long it’s been.”
“That’s insane and I think we should go out on a date,” Lance replied.
(Yes, he knew that wasn’t a good response, but his brain was still shorting out, alright?)
“Y’know what? Sure. How about Saturday at noon?”
“Hell yeah. I know a great place for lunch. They have the best pasta.”
The door opened, revealing a smirking Pidge, who towered over the two sitting boys.
“Finally,” she grinned, ushering them out. “You’ve gotten your shit together.”
“Have you been there the whole time?” Keith asked, blushing furiously.
“No, but I’ve been here long enough to hear you two make out- which was disgusting, by the way. I think you’ve traumatized me for life.”
Lance sighed. “You’re telling Hunk, aren’t you.” It was more a statement than a question.
“He already knows. I sent him an audio file of everything I heard.”
“My phone is blowing up, isn’t it.”
“Correct. Here, have it back.”
Pidge tossed Lance’s phone back to him before pointing at Keith. “And you. You said that he didn’t like you back.”
“Well, I was wrong,” Keith huffed. “Let it go.”
“Never.”
Lance ignored the rest of their conversation in order to focus on the steady stream of messages from his best friend.
hunk: guess what pidge just sent me??
hunk: i cant believe youd put me through that oh my god?
hunk: i need a best friend who *wont* scar me for life ugh
hunk: i need to pour bleach in my ears
hunk: nothing will compare to the amount of disgust i had when i heard my best friend and keith kogane making out
hunk: also I TOLD YOU SO
hunk: expect a victory dance when you get back
hunk: a very long victory dance
hunk: ive been preparing for this day for YEARS
hunk: literal YEARS lance
hunk: I TOLD YOU HE LIKED YOU BACK
hunk: also congrats on getting a date
hunk: but i expect for you two to have a chaperone when you could potentially do something that damages my delicate sensibilities again
lance: thank u and no
lance: i will NOT be having a chaperone thank u v much
hunk: THE MAN OF THE HOUR FINALLY SHOWS UP!!
hunk: why did you leave your phone
lance: keith took it
hunk: and you didnt fight him for it??
hunk: you really are down bad goodness me
lance: stfu?? im leaving u
hunk: time to bust out the best friend applications then
hunk: sigh
lance: yeah yeah whatever
lance: i promise i wont bring keith around our dorm when youre there
hunk: alright thanks
hunk: and keep… everything on your bed okay??
lance: what kind of animal do u think i am???
lance: im offended
hunk: be offended then
hunk: you didnt tell me about your date with keith so
lance: IT WASNT A DATE??? HOW MANY TIMES DO I GOTTA TELL U
hunk: yeah ok whatever you say
lance: ugh
lance: i gotta go now tho i think pidge wants to give me The Talk
lance: bye
hunk: good luck
hunk: ill remember you
hunk: 🫡
Sure enough, when Lance looked up from his phone, Keith was gone. Pidge stood in front of him with her arms crossed.
“So, Lance,” she said. “What are your intentions with Keith?”
And Lance answered with the truth. “To make him happy.”
“And what will happen if you hurt him?” she asked, fully serious.
“You’d murder me, and then Hunk would either bring me back to kill me again or he’d help you bury my body. Probably.”
“Correct. And we’ll make sure it hurts, alright?” She smiled. “And don’t you worry, Lance. I know how to hide a body.”
“Uhm. Well, thank you for warning me?”
“Of course. It was my pleasure.”
Just then, a horrified cry came from the kitchen.
“My cereal! Pidge, look what you’ve done to it. It’s soggy!”