Chapter Text
He was really, really not sure about this, but it seemed like everyone else had already decided it was the best course of action. In fact, it had been Rose’s idea in the first place to have John ‘communicate’ with the new prisoner; she probably considered it the most logical choice since he had already been compromised. Compromised by an alien that had become his closest friend and companion due to mindmelding technology that never should have been created in the first place. Of course, everything had gone to shit rather quickly when everyone else had realized that little fact.
He thought back to when it had been decided that apparently they had gone too far, that perhaps having ‘the alien’ and John become best chums that shared thoughts and feelings was not the best plan after all. He had been somewhat in shock that they would suggest such a thing, but now he looked back on it, that had probably been what had convinced them. He had seen nothing wrong with the way he had befriended Karkat, and he was always so quick to defend him. They did not accept the fact that every other person on the island was either indifferent or wanted Karkat dead as an excuse. All they cared about was separating the two of them ‘before the damage was worsened to the point that it would be irreversible.’
Then Jack Noir had come in with the smuggest look on his face as imaginable and that was when he finally understood what was going on. Predictably he had gotten upset and practically leapt to his feet, but it was Dave and Jake who stopped him in his tracks. He had yelled at all of them when they held him back, and Karkat had this scared and yet resolved look on his face that broke John’s heart into a million pieces. Even if his alien pal didn’t know enough English to figure out what was going on, it would not be hard to guess at this point. He went quietly, allowing them to handcuff him and cart him off without so much as a snarl, refusing to look at John until he was being marched outside the door. His one eye that John could see was full of hurt and regret and a million other sad things.
“Later, Zhaan,” he had said as the door closed after the last soldier.
Something inside John had finally snapped at that simple phrase. He had thrown Jake and Dave off of him as if they were nothing but ragdolls and made a break for the door. Before he could reach it Dirk had appeared out of nowhere and blocked his way, so he had tackled him to the ground. Then he was dog piled on and there was a confusion of limbs everywhere and people trying to grab him and hold him down and it took a while for him to realize none of them were trying to hit him back. All the time he was screaming at them. Screaming that they were heartless and cruel and stupid and they were killing Karkat and he had done nothing wrong.
His mind skipped ahead to the following weeks, where he had sulked in isolation. He had refused to eat or sleep, just staring at the wall and wallowing in his profound depression. Any time one of the others had tried to cheer him up or even just give him company, he had completely ignored them. When Dave finally blew up at him and demanded he return to his happy-go-lucky idiot self, he had stared down the blonde and replied that there was no way he was going to bother pretending to be happy when Karkat was likely giving up on life again. Since there was no way any of them could promise that the alien would survive, they had to concede that they could not affect John’s happiness. However, they had forced him to eat and drink and basically do what was required to survive.
It was about eighteen days after Karkat was taken away that John had noticed that he was on suicide watch. It was nothing horribly obvious at first, but as time went by it became more and more difficult to ignore. Anytime he went to the roof, Dave or Jake or Jade accompanied him up there. Likewise one of the boys always seemed to be in the bathroom during his morning shave, no matter what time he actually got around to it. Despite the fact there was indeed still a war going on, someone always remained behind with him when the others went to their mechs in shifts. Usually it was Jane, and he found the company of his sister slightly more tolerable than that of the others. She was not one to push him to do things or put a smile on his face, but the unhappiness in her eyes was enough to make him want to at least try a little.
Things slowly settled down. Compared to before Karkat had ever crash-landed, he still was not happy and carefree. He hardly ever smiled, and there had not been a single prank in the entire house. Instead, he spent most of his time on his own, quietly reading or watching movies and doing other passive activities. The shrink he was forced to see every other day seemed more or less pleased with his responses, and once even mentioned getting to pilot Warhammer again in the future. John did not consider it likely, but he realized that it was supposed to cheer him up.
Then everything had been turned upside down when a second alien was captured. Dave had shrugged and said that the alien in his giant mech (a lot bigger than Karkat’s Cancer) had seemed uninterested in battling except to defend itself. Everyone had seemed concerned how this news would affect John, but he could find nothing to peak his interest. If the capture of the second alien meant that Karkat would be killed or released back into the kids’ custody he would have cared, but it was explicitly stated that nothing was going to change so he went on as if it had not happened at all. Skipping ahead two more weeks to now and-
“John!” a voice knocked him out of his musing. “If you could please pay attention so I would not have to repeat things for the third time, it would make this whole operation go much smoother for all of us involved.”
He glanced over to the blonde girl apologetically, “Sorry, Rose. It’s just…I guess I’m not sure why you guys want me to do this.”
She gives a pained sigh as if he was the most difficult person in the world, “Because you are the only one with any experience in dealing with the minds of aliens, John. Believe me, we have exhausted all other viable means of communication and he shredded the minds of the two scientists we sent in there. Both of them came out of there as screaming, incoherent messes. Although if you are concerned that you are not feeling up to the task, we can always wait until you feel ready. Neither of you are going anywhere anytime soon.” She catches her mistake a moment too late, which John finds extremely disconcerting coming from her.
“Yeah,” he nods with a strained smile, “I get it. Get John to do it since he’s all pro-alien and stuff. It’s not like I could say no anyway and you know it. This is basically all I’m good for anymore since I can’t be trusted in a mech or to help out with anything in the science department. I’m not stupid, Rose, although I know you all think I am.”
“We don’t-” she catches herself, allows the indifferent mask to settle back on her face. “I assure you that is not the case. If you do not wish to do this no one will force you.” Even as she says this, she holds out the pink headband cautiously, as if afraid of being bitten by a wild animal. Something about this does not surprise John, but it still hurts.
“Sure,” he shrugs as he plucks the device from her hand. “I’m going in there with him. These things suck going through walls and you know it.”
“I’m not sure that is the best-”
“Come on, Rose,” John rolls his eyes as he talks over her. “He’s strapped down to a table and everything. What is he going to do?” He keys in the override for the door and pauses for a moment before muttering, “Besides. It would probably be a relief to you guys if he tried something. You’d think it would prove you were right to separate us.” He did not have to add anything else, so he slipped through the door and shut it firmly behind him. Rose knew the code herself if she wanted to follow, but he was pretty sure she would wait until he was back in the observation room to rip him a new one.
Taking a deep breath, he glanced over to the new prisoner. The first thing that John noticed was that he was huge. The second was that his horns were long, slightly wavy things that reminded him of some kind of antelope. He had no idea why this seemed familiar or why it would make his heart rate increase, but it did. Perhaps it was finally seeing proof that Karkat did have a reason to be so sensitive about the size of his own nubby horns. The alien was already wearing the other pink headband, so John put the second on with a small sigh.
At first there was nothing, and he wondered if there was some sort of malfunction, but then there was a kind of weariness and slow anger building up and he realized that the alien had not noticed his entry to the room. He felt badly about that and started to apologize. Sorry to intrude on you like this, but they can get so pushy (especially knowitallRosewoman). But anyway, I’m John. It’s nice to meet you.
There was a brief flash of incredulity. At least you have manners a little, unlike those other motherfuckers. But I’m still not wanting to get my talk on with you littletinypink motherfuckers. SO GO THE FUCK AWAY!
John grimaced a bit, No need to get so angrymadyelly! I don’t want to be here either. (justafighter. Justapilot. Notabrainynerdysmartyperson. Whydotheyevenbothermakingmecomehere?) Sorry! Not that I hate you or anything (I don’t even know you yet!) but I am sort of nothappysaddepressedlonely right now and yeah…
You are one weird motherfucker, is the reply after a moment. Alien weird and funny weird. But I am missing my pies and my boyfriend and my dad and I really think you need to get out of my head, motherfucker. It is not a very nice place to be in.
Neither is mine right now, actually. There is a brief flash of amusement as he carries on, They all want to fix me (thereisnothingwrong!) and yet they want me to talk to you and I guess get information if I can (Iwontmakeyousayanything). Everyone thinks I am brokenwrong because I miss my alien pal. (littleanrgynubbyhorns) Oh shit! Uh, just ignore that. That was weird of me to think when I’m supposed to be-
There is a brief moment of something like static and John tilts his head a little to try to figure out what is going on when suddenly it feels like being hit by a freight train. WHERE? Littleangrynubbyhorns where?? Where is he? What did you motherfuckers do to my dearestsweetestkindest boyfriend? I WILL CULL ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!
“Eep!” John takes a step back as his eyes go wide. Whoa! Calm down! Yellyscaryangry hurts! Okay, no! just stop a second (crushingsmashingow) Holy shit! Oh (nowwouldbeagoodtime karkattricksnow) right. He steeled himself with a deep breath and lost himself in the background, letting all his errant thoughts be voiced.
Another pause. A feeling of some small amusement and a whole lot of urgency. There is a smugness coming from the alien. Then all Hell breaks loose. You can’t hide from me using such little babywriggler tricks. If I can’t get what I motherfucking want from you the easy way, then I’ll just have to riprendtear all of it out. HONK! It suddenly feels like John’s head is a placid island surrounded by a whirling hurricane. There are attacks coming from all sides and teasing his thoughts apart, digging into his head and his memories. John locks his jaw to keep from screaming aloud as he attempts to find cover and defend himself. He feels something warm and slick on his face and forces himself to ignore it as he focuses on making his thoughts as indecipherable as possible.
There is frustration coming from the other side. The alien is not used to having so much trouble. It is probably because their brains are so different that he did not have immediate success like he expected. Instead he is scratching his claws bloody at the walls around John’s mind; tearing them down as John replaces them just as quickly. They are at a deadlock, neither one able to make any headway before the other thwarts his attempts.
“John!” a concerned voice cuts through his awareness. “John, take the headband off!” He glances distractedly to the side and suddenly there is a fierce shout of triumph coming from the alien’s mind. John feels something shift, and then there is a horrible tearing sensation that felt worse than a million tasers hitting him all at once. His muscles stopped working and he couldn’t scream and he couldn’t see and then it was just all gone. One moment he could feel the feedback from his limbs and the next there was nothing. Experimentally he attempted to open his eyes and nothing happened. There was just darkness.
There we go, motherfucker. Your alien thinkpan is so different it didn’t want to work with me but I’ve got you now. Smugness, but this time it was not coming from outside of him, separate. It…it felt like it was him feeling smug about something. But there was nothing for him to feel smug about, because he couldn’t feel his legs and holy shit was it possible for someone to paralyze you by messing with your brain? What if that was what happened?
Motherfucker, you are being distracting. Now stop and let me- there was a brief unpleasant feeling of someone shuffling through his memories and John panicked, trying to throw up his defensive walls and having trouble finding them. No use doing that, little motherfucker. You aren’t all up and in your own mind anymore. The feeling continued and John would have gritted his teeth if he knew where they were or how to do that anymore. Where is my boyfriend (mineminemine)?? Must find him! There was a brief flash with the word him. It was more like ‘nubbyhornedlovelyangrytrollyellingallthetime’ but filled with such profound adoration that it was like a term of endearment all on its own. Oh.
Oh.
G’mzee? John thought cautiously, filled with suspicion that this was some kind of trick. There was no way that out of all the aliens in the universe, the one Dave had captured was-
Soheishere. Relief, and then back to the urgency. Must find him! Where is he? WHERE IS HE, MOTHERFUCKER? Memories were dragged up to the surface with brute force at random as the alien searched for what he wanted. John tried to cringe away but there was nowhere to go where the alien wasn’t already there.
Oh god, hang on a second! I don’t know where he is (andifIdidIwouldprobably- nouse they would never let me. Uselessworthlessdumb)- hang on second and I can show you!
A pause as the attack ceases. There is disbelief and distrust, but before he can decide whether or not to trust the boy, John takes the moment to think back again. He shows the events of Karkat being taken away and watches them with that profound feeling of depression. He fast forwards through everything that had happened from then up until now and waits anxiously for the alien’s response.
There is some curiosity behind the distrust and anger. You and Karkat? Boyfriends or enemies or soulmates or --? There were so many layers to the terms he was using, John was sure that there was no way he was understanding it correctly. Then again, Karkat had often scolded John for being so caring, and also mentioned not wanting to cheat on his boyfriend (although the connotations here seemed different somehow).
He cautiously replied, I’m not sure? He is my friend but I don’t know in your terms… he trails off. In ‘friend’ he had attempted to summarize his feelings towards Karkat and somehow he found them slightly less platonic than he had originally thought. Oh god I’m pining after him like a schoolgirl and Dirk will never let me live this down ever (hemustneverfindout!) but sorry, I don’t mean it like- erm. I know you two are boyfriends and I’m not going to get between the two of you because he has been missing you this entire time and holyshitshutthefuckupJohn.
Some confusion, which was coming from the both of them for sure. You won’t come between us because it is the wrong quadrant. And serendipity. We are the perfect match for each other, motherfucker. Me and my lovely little motherfucker are written up in the stars, don’t you know? Littlepinkalien motherfucker won’t break up our ---. Okay, that time there had been feelings involved with the word that took a moment for John to get a grasp on. Endearment, but more of a brotherly or best friend way than he was expecting. The need to protect was there as well. Looking out for each other’s backs like a mo--il should.
I think some things are just getting lost in translation here, John thought-shrugged, still a little disturbed that he could not actually feel anything. I don’t understand.
Not that I mind getting my explain on about quadrants, but now is really not the time. Amusement, some indulgence. So then you don’t know where my moirail is? Hopeful, wistful longing there. Weirdly it was shared/echoed by John in a slightly different way. Like two different instruments playing the same note.
No. Glumness, depression, lonliness. They won’t tell me. They separated us (compromised bullshit) and now I basically sit around and do nothing (lonelysadmissinghim). So useless. Can’t be a pilot anymore (noskynospacenofreedom). Can’t help out in the labs (boring work anyway). Can’t be trusted to do anything. They watch me now- worriedIwillkillmyself? (notthatIwouldn’tconsideritifthiskeepsup) Sorry! Um…I kinda can’t help thinking about…yeah.
A noncommittal sort of noise like a grunt. They tried to keep me away from Karkat, too, the higherup motherfuckers. Couldn’t do anything to me because I was good on the motherfucking hemospectrum, but he wasn’t (dontcareaboutthestupidhemospectrumanyway). But they said he died and I knew he hadn’t died yet, I knew it (wouldhavefeltit) and so I came to look for him but now you don’t know where he is either.
Sorry. I wish I did. (not that it would change anything. They’d probably just lock me up where I wouldn’t be able to get to him.)
Anger. A sort of growling sound that perfectly translated to frustration. Let me see.
See what? What do you want? I’ll remember it for you. (please no more tearingriping by force- it hurtsnowrong)
I want to see everything. Everything with Khhrk’t. Don’t resist. Won’t hurt you anymore (unless you lie). There was another feeling of shuffling, but this time it was gentler. It was still odd to have the alien going through his memories, but now it was more like watching someone watch clips from the movie of his life and listen to their commentary. There were still some vaguely uncomfortable undertones to it, but the pain was gone and that was definitely a plus. Of course, looking back on a lot of the stupid stuff he had done without realizing it was stupid was really painful to do when having to listen/feel the alien’s disapproval, shock, and, at times, anger.
YOU MADE HIM SLEEP ON A SEXPLATFORM??? Rage. Pure. Fucking. Rage. John had no reply for this level of stupid and kind of just curled up into a metaphorical ball inside his mind and awaited another bout of angry alien thoughts being blasted at him. There was a brief moment of pain as the memories attached to that one were dragged out and also examined, but then there was a feeling like an annoyed huff and the alien resumed his sorting through fragments peacefully.
After what seemed like forever, he finally seemed to be more or less satisfied with what he saw. You care about him lots. Not a question, and needed no answer. And I would say he cares about you too, motherfucker. …I don’t want to hurt the matesprit of my moirail. Confusion from John prompted him to continue, Hurting you would hurt my Khhrk’t. I never hurt him before, and I don’t motherfucking plan to start now.
Cautiously John thought, So…what now?
Bemusement, as if explaining something to a small child. I’ll put you back where I motherfucking found you. Indeed, there was some sort of movement around him as the alien went to do something and then- Uh. Where did you go?
Some panic coming from the human, What did you mean where did I go? I am right here? Inside your head I guess? (Mindstuffissoconfusing)
No, little motherfucker. Your body. I don’t feel it anymore.
Panic levels definitely rising. What do you mean you don’t feel my body anymore?! What did you do?! (ohshitI’mgoingtobeaparaplegic! Orstuckinacomaforever! Ohnoohnoohno!)
Hold your hoofbeasts, I’ll figure it out. Suddenly John could see again, but there was something wrong with the picture. He appeared to be lying flat on his back staring at the ceiling, but the colors were sort of… off. Not quite right. Then his eyes moved over without him doing it and he realized that holy shit this was not what he was seeing, it was what G’mzee was seeing. He literally was just hanging out inside of the alien’s head.
There appeared to be some kind of commotion going on at the far side of the room if he/they looked past his/their feet. John felt a spike of panic when he saw all the scientists in the room lifting someone up to carry- oh. Oh no. That was him they were carrying out. Or his body. Whatever. They were taking it away and he wasn’t in it and fucking hell this was very, very much so not good. But why was it that G’mzee could not put him back?
Uh. You went all silent like all the other no-horn motherfuckers. I can’t find you anymore than I could talk to them.
Oh. They took off the headband. After conveying that concern to G’mzee so he would concentrate at looking at his lifeless body, it was confirmed that he was no longer wearing the mindmelding pink headband. And if they took off the headband and took his body away… he likely was going to remain in a coma for the rest of his life. Well, sort of. His mind was still (relatively) safe inside the alien’s head, but no one would dare to attempt communicating with G’mzee again if he had managed to apparently put John in a coma.
There was a feeling like someone patted his head. Sadness. Regret. Looks like you are stuck with me, little motherfucker. I’ll try to take care of you until we can figure something out, but… (not very likely) We can try to share for a bit. (You need two bodies for two motherfucking minds, though.) Uncertainty. This has never motherfucking happened before, as far as I got my understand on about it.
Y-yeah. Terror. Sure, we can try. Oh, hang on! Pay attention someone is coming over!
The alien shifted his attention to the new monkey coming towards him and noted that this one was talking to him. Useless idiot motherfucking stupid. Can’t understand what you are saying there, motherfucker. But John could recognize the words as well as the face.
“What did you do?” Dave’s voice was deceptively calm, which meant he was pissed beyond all reason. “What did you fucking do to him, asshole?” Someone’s concerned voice calls to him, but G’mzee wasn’t paying close enough attention for John to catch anything other than the tone. All of the alien’s attention was focused on Dave…who now had his blade on their/G’mzee’s throat. Motherfucking capturer darkglasses.
Dave, corrected John immediately. Funny, Karkat doesn’t care for him either. But he’s really pissed about this- ohmyGod! He probably thinks you killed me! Oh shit! This is really notgoodbadhorribleterribleohshitohshit!
“So what?” Dave replies without looking away from their/G’mzee’s face. “He just fucking dropped Egbert like it was nothing. Blood gushing out of every orifice and then he goes slack with no pulse. He sure as Hell wasn’t fainting, Lalonde. Are we going to let him live after seeing something like that?”
There is a mental flinch from John as G’mzee involuntarily flashes to the exact footage of what Dave was discussing. Okay, that did look pretty bad. Also, it was kind of cool that apparently having John inside his head made it so that G’mzee could understand Dave. Well, it only worked if they were both paying attention (like the headbands themselves), but it still felt kind of weird to John.
Rose steps into their field of view, and there is something broken in her eyes that make John wish he could reach out to her and comfort her. Oh, Rose! Not your fault, Rose! If you hadn’t brought me over one of the higherups would have eventually and don’t look like that, I’m okay (well sorta) and noneedtobesadandfilledwithregret.
She places her hand on Dave’s shoulder and she says in a quiet, tiny voice, “John will be very upset with you when he wakes up if you do this.” To others there would be no difference on the teenager’s face, but John knew him better than that. The slight tightening of his mouth at the corners and the straightening of his shoulders was the same as him screaming back at her that she was wrong and he was doing the right thing.
Bring it, motherfucker, thought G’mzee the same time John thought, No! Nonono, Dave! It’s already done! He’s tied up, Dave, you would never attack someone who is defenseless whatareyouthinking? Bad Dave! Rose is right! Even if I wasn’t in here I would be very, very unhappy with (and a little disappointed in) you.
Is this motherfucker your moirail? Disdain, mixed with some amusement. Conciliator towards him, right? Doesn’t motherfucking seem like you need him to keep you out of trouble with the way you are so friendlyhappynice to everyone.
He does sometimes, though, counters John. Like when I want to take a prank too far or I’m being an utter oblivious moron about things. Well, they all kind of do that. Just like I have to look out for all of them as their friendleader. Oh, no Janey! Shewillbeheartbroken! Jade and Jake, too, but mostly Janey! Aw, no, it’s okay. Dave and the others will look out for her until- until we fix this somehow.
Whoa there, little motherfucker. You are the biggest --- (worrywartconcernedperson). Calm down and let me concentrate on what is going on; they are talking again. Again, there was something lost in translation that seemed to have a negative connotation on relationship-jumper, but that made no sense to John. He turned his attention back to his friends as well so that they would know what they were talking about.
“-no idea what exactly happened,” Rose was saying. “We’ll run some tests and see what is going on before we make any decisions.”
There was a long pause before Dave withdrew his blade and allowed it to roll back into itself again, “Sure. We can do that.” Tight, terse. He did not really think that any other outcome was going to happen, but he was willing to put it off for now. John was somewhat disappointed by this, but the blonde never had been very good at forgiving others.
The two of them withdrew, and Rose threw a single lavender glance over her shoulder as she locked the door behind her. Everyone was gone, leaving the alien and his secret companion alone for the time being. They left so quickly they did not even clean up the room; G’mzee could still smell the metallic tang of alien blood on the floor. John grimaced that it was his blood, and then went back to worrying about what to do. If this was not brought to a favorable ending soon, Dave would likely return when everyone else was asleep and slit G’mzee’s throat. Or worse yet, they would decide that G’mzee was no longer valuable for information and move on to testing weapons on him or other awful things that John had always tried not to think about them doing to Karkat. Oh no, Karkat!
MOTHERFUCKING STOP! You are not helping matters any. Only helpful thoughts, John. Is there any way that you could let them know you are in here with me?
Maybe if we could move or get something to write with, but not if they keep us tied down like this. Blinking Morse code would probably just make them suspicious that you saw too much stuff and then they would never trust you. Hell, even if you could tell them I was in here they would never believe you. And I doubt any of them will think to hook up me to the headband when I’m in a coma; they’d probably think you were trying to finish the job.
So… both of them pause for a moment to reflect on this. I guess you and I will be getting our motherfucking know on about one another. We’ll figure something out, little man.
…right… Neither of them actually believed that, but there was some kind of unspoken agreement to try to remain optimistic about the situation. After awhile, they began to pass bits and pieces of memories between each other whenever an errant thought popped up that needed to be explained. John learned that as a highblood, G’mzee was almost royalty of some kind. He was the highest color one could get in a landtroll. Which brought up seatrolls and then the ocean of their planet (called Alternia? Strange name.) and all sorts of random bits of information. G’mzee in turn was curious about the oceans here on Earth and the creatures that inhabited it (he was rather impressed with whales, but kept asking where the goats were for some reason).
An inordinate amount of time passed, and finally G’mzee started to drift to sleep. At first it freaked John out because he could not see or hear anything, but eventually he settled down himself and tried to sleep. Or rather, to stop thinking for awhile, since he had no body that actually needed to sleep. That was a weird thing to think about, so he settled on trying to keep his mind as empty as possible. After awhile, the feedback from G’mzee cut off and for the first time it was almost like being alone again. John found himself feeling strangely melancholy about that.