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You jerk awake, for the first time in ages not in the general store or in the House, but sitting on something hard with the sound of birds around you. For the briefest moment, you feel a thick emotion deep in your chest, congealed from disuse. Then you blink, look up, and see Loop, their eyes boring into you. One of their eyes is wrong, for a lack of a better word, very subtly off in a way you can't put to words. They do, however, look furious. You realize that what you were feeling was hope.
"What did you do?" Loop asks, voice high and strained.
You suspect, somehow, that they already have a good idea of what happened. "I... Made a wish."
"And how, Researcher," you narrow your eyes at the nickname, as you always have, but the return to careful distance may not be unwarranted, here. You get the sense that you have truly made a mistake. Loop takes a deep breath. "Odile. How did you know how to make a wish?"
So you were right, then, and Loop does know about Wish Craft. "If I was careful, I could get the King and Head Housemaiden to tell me a bit. Siffrin was the best source, though. They... Know quite a lot, if they don't think about it too much." You look at Loop, who has pulled themself back into their fake neutral expression. It's been a while since you've seen that one.
"And your wish? What did you ask for?"
You take a shot in the dark, or you would, were Loop not a beacon in that dark. "I think it ended up being something similar to your own wish."
They cough, a quiet half-laugh, and then break out into laughter proper, throwing their head back as they do so. Sparks dislodge from them as they shake, scorching the bark of the tree. You lower your head. You both made the same mistake then, didn't you? The waste of it all catches at your throat, pulling you close and whispering, "Couldn't you have asked first?" Whatever Loop does here, you think... You will probably deserve it.
You're different than you were a few minutes ago, you note, mind drifting. Your body is hazy and unreal, smoke and mirrors. You are blurry lines and a thin veil. You reach up to feel at the strange fabric you now wear, and your hands, you realize, are faceted like gems, stiff and segmented. You think the edges of your fingers could shear through the King himself, if you wanted that.
Loop, still laughing, spits, "Of course this is how it would go. Fail and fail until you can't be bothered to do it anymore, throw yourself away and let someone else try being a person for a change." They finally look away from the sky.
Your hands dig deep furrows into the bark of the root you sit on. It is quiet.
"My wish was for help," Loop sighs, after a moment. "Anyone at all, to help me, to get me out of here. And here we are!" They shrug, eyes upturned into a tight grin. "Called by the Universe to guide you, I guess! Or, maybe you're here to guide me. You managed so much more than I did, you know?"
But they gave you half of the direction you needed to get anywhere, didn't they? "I'd have just kept throwing myself at the King until I could kill him without Mirabelle's shield, if you hadn't brought it up." You need to focus. Now is not the time to drift through conversation aimlessly. "Any avenues I followed that actually did anything substantial, I followed because you suggested them."
"Laying it on thick, are we?"
"I don't think so." Take the implied compliment, Loop. You wonder why they never accept any praise at face value, then- No, you think you understand. They were in these loops alone, weren't they? You take a moment to pull your thoughts in order. "Who were you, before your wish?" You have suspicions. It would be best not to air them.
"What makes you think you deserve to know that, after this stunt you've pulled?" You recoil. Loop sighs. "Uncharitable of me. I've never been the most thoughtful of people. Siffrin. There is your answer, dear Tektite."
Siffrin. Yes, that's... It's one thing to suspect, and another to know. "Siffrin," you say aloud. How long has it been since they've been called by their own name? Before your loops, you'd imagine, and that's an unpleasant revelation. They haven't been human for that entire time, either. A star, instead, something you can't quite wrap your mind around. Your mind whirls.
"Odile?"
You jerk upright. "Yes?"
Siffrin stares at you, uncomfortable. "I do, um. Prefer to be called Loop, at the moment."
"Oh. My apologies," you say, automatic.
"I don't think I'm really Loop, either, but I don't have any better options right now." The dam breaks. "I was on my own, when I was looping. I don't know if that was better, the privacy, and the hopelessness, or if what you had was worse."
You tilt your head. "Being alone sounds worse."
Loop laughs, a single, sharp bark. "Maybe! Maybe. I think I'm a person now, though. Now that I'm not bound to the script. That's nice." They lift up an arm, stare at it, turn it over. "A person in the form of a mockery of my god. Will the wonders never cease!"
And, with a pointed look over your own new shape, they drawl, "I can't quite see the godly inspiration on you, but if there's a pattern, I'm sure you'll pick up on it."
You laugh. It's not the best laugh you've faked. You look over yourself again, and yes, you think you recognize a bit of your gods in the shape of it all. "Yes, there's a resemblance. A bit of a blasphemous one-"
Loop waves that off. "I'm a star. I promise you, you can't be worse than that."
Yes, Siffrin would go on about stars in the way you would gems, or Vaugardians and their concept of Change. You dip your head. "I seem to be a combination of the most common depictions of a couple Expressions?" The haze of your legs sticks them into a single shape until you pull them back into two. You think you may still be a bit out of it, because you admit, "It's embarrassing, frankly. Accessories to honor Expressions are one thing, but no one dresses as them."
Seeming unconcerned with that, Loop asks, "Which Expressions? I really should look into them, shouldn't I?" They squint in a smile. "If I'm going to be spending time with one, that is."
This is uncomfortable. You are not an Expression. You're just unlucky. Or ignorant. Probably ignorant. You brush off the joke and answer Loop. "It's been... Some time since I've seen depictions of them, you understand." Loop nods. "Peace and Loss." There. You may be wrong, but despite your excuses, you're not as forgetful as all that.
The stunned silence really is too much. You think Loop is doing it to mock you. Finally, they huff, almost a laugh, and lean back momentarily, almost falling over before balancing and leaning instead into the tree. Their eyes are wide. "Peace and Loss. It would be those two, wouldn't it?"
"Yes." You take a deep breath. You think the shock is fading, now. "Yes, it would be, wouldn't it? I've embodied them both thoroughly, haven't I? Shall I take their names, too, since I'm so good at their roles?"
Loop stares at you. You're in dangerous territory and you know it.
"The Expression of Catharsis, how about that?" You spit at the ground. Or try to. Your steam runs out as you realize that you do not have much of a mouth. "I believe that position is open," you finish, weakly.
The quiet sits for a good while. It's almost nice, feeling the sun for so long, listening to the birds. One hops up to you and Loop. It chirps at you, and you chirp back. You've gotten good at that. It always made Siffrin react, and sometimes you needed that moment of levity. The bird flies off, and you watch it go. To the side, Isabeau moves. You watch as Siffrin approaches him, and then turns to the Favor Tree.
Loop holds up a finger to the place their lips should be, and you take the hint, saying nothing and holding still as Siffrin plucks a leaf off the Favor Tree, breathes a wish into it, just as he taught you, so different to Vaugardians, and leaves. They don't see you at all. It's a little uncomfortable. Isabeau doesn't even make a wish.
At last, Loop breaks the quiet. "They won't notice us if we don't want them to. I think it's part of the guide thing, but stars if I know how that works."
"I don't think I enjoyed that very much."
"If you want to try to talk to the people we used to be every loop, that's your choice!~"
You squint at Loop. They don't seem to see it. "I might try that, once or twice."
Loop shrugs. "Let's hold off on that for a bit, shall we? If I don't miss my mark, someone tomorrow is either going to be crushed under a rock or see that happen in very short order. Assuming things haven't changed too much, of course." They tap their fingers against their root, looking off to the side. "You know what?" They turn back to you, clasping their hands together. "Let's bet on it. Who's stuck with us this time? You? Me? Someone else?"
You flex your fingers, just for something to do. "Isn't that a bit tasteless? For all we know, whoever ended up stuck this time isn't going to get out either."
"Maybe I've just gotten used to the idea of being stuck here forever." You doubt that. "I'll take any entertainment I can get, you know. And what a wealth of it I have now! A whole two people that remember me!" They squint, voice full of good humor.
You laugh. "Two people! What a novelty!"
"Isn't it, though!"
The both of you laugh at each other for a bit. You think you understand them a bit better, now. You're stuck too, aren't you? You're not the center of this story anymore. It's up to whoever you threw your responsibility onto. Horribly, you think you're relieved by the chance to make someone else handle everything for a change. "Alright. I'm putting my bet on Isabeau."
"The Fighter, huh! Well. I'll put my bet on the Housemaiden. We can't have all our eggs in one basket, can we?"
You simply shrug.
Loop hums. "What are we betting with, actually? I doubt either of us have much in the way of physical possessions..?" They produce a silver coin from somewhere, rolling it over their fingers before making it disappear again. You don't know the story behind their coin, but you've seen it once or twice, watching them when they couldn't see you. It's odd seeing it so out in the open. Maybe now, you'll have time to ask.
You reach towards the gems on your glasses, a nervous habit you broke before the loops and since recovered, only to find them both attached to a cord around your wrist. You pause, wondering why. Loop watches you.
"So! Are you keeping your name? I'd imagine it would be interesting to see that play out with the new fellow, so it might be good to change it?"
Abrupt. You don't answer for a moment.
Backpedaling, Loop apologizes, "Not that you have to change, stars, I'm sorry-"
You stick out your hand, a silent invitation for contact. Loop takes it after a moment of hesitation. You squeeze, feather-light, careful to not hurt them. "It's a valid point." To be frank, you weren't sure they would accept your hand here. It took hundreds of loops for them to admit they wanted that sort of thing, and you've never been one to initiate it. Still, you've found it helps you both.
"I didn't mean to-"
"Loop," you cut them off. "It's fine. Like I said, it's a reasonable concern. I don't..." You pause. Why do you want to distance yourself from the idea of Odile so badly, in this moment? "I don't think I'm the same person now that I was before all this. I might hold some similarities, still, but I don't think I can genuinely call myself by the same name and mean it." you conclude.
They squeeze your hand tightly, and you go a bit still, careful to not cut them. They tug on your arm a bit anyways. You oblige them, using your new legs for the first time. It feels as if they have been tied together, until you force them apart and find yourself standing, unsteady but upright. And then your follow through, sitting back down next to Loop.
After a moment, they lean into you, shaking very slightly. You lean into them in return. Their light cuts into the shadows cast by your veil, barely, but it clears the obscurity of it until you can see the tip of your nose, unmoving and inflexible, but still yours. It's not something you want to think about right now.
You sigh. "Catharsis. I'm going to use the stupid Expression name."
"That's what you're going with?" The genuine curiosity in their voice only slightly balances out the inherent rudeness of the statement. But that's Loop, so you're used to it. You wonder how you've changed to those who knew who you used to be, and couldn't watch it happen.
Still, it deserves some kind of kickback. "It's about correct, I don't hate it, and I'm hardly going to run around calling myself Cycle, or something silly like that."
Loop laughs, poorly disguising it as a cough. "Really! Really now, Tektite, you make fun of my name, then go claim the position of a god?"
"Minor god, at best. Representation, even."
"Close enough!"
You laugh at them in return. Sometimes you think the two of you have overlapped into being roughly the same sort of person. You're faster to mock than you used to be, though admittedly not by much. You go quiet. "I don't think I really deserve the title, but Expressions do come about in many ways." You shrug. "Maybe I really have become one? No, that's a bit far-fetched. Still, it's a thought."
Far more enthusiastic about it than you, Loop puts their free hand on your chest, leaning in. You can feel them giggling as they take a breath to talk. "A pair of psuedo-gods, then, stuck in this blinding loop together." Their giggles leak out, strained and sour, even as they turn their head to what little sky can be seen between the branches of the Favor Tree. "Counterfeit gods. Trapped by our own rotten luck."
"Us," you add, "and whatever poor kid is stuck with us now." You try to not think about the possibility that it might be just the two of you, with no one else to guide through this. You suspect Loop has never thought of that chance. It would be best to not bring it up.
Loop nods, looking away from the sky and back at you. Their hand drops from your chest, but the hand-holding continues. "Catharsis." They're almost glaring, sparking lightly. "We don't let anyone else end up under this tree, do you understand me? Just the two of us."
Of course. You squeeze their hand in return, your sharp edges piercing the starfield. "Just the two of us. Just us." Warm fluid wells up around your bladed hands. Loop doesn't acknowledge the injury.