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“Rose!”
She smiled at the sound of her name being called. Greg always called out to her as he ran across the beach. Always so eager to reach her. Sometimes she'd call back, because, well… why wouldn't she be eager to see him?
But she doesn't today. He doesn't notice, but she can't bring herself to. She can't fake the joy.
She's used to lying about a lot of things, especially about her feelings, but not with Greg. He was always so open with her and he wanted her to open up to him. He wanted them to talk. He made her feel heard.
And she will talk. And she tells herself Greg would understand.
He skids to a halt in front of her, a handful of books in his arms. She noticed he'd been reading a lot more ever since she told him the news. Reading about babies.
Greg was terrified when she told him. He'd never taken care of a baby before, besides the day they'd babysat Sourcream together. He was terrified that day too, but Rose liked to think he enjoyed it. Because now, the Greg that had been holding on to baby Sourcream for dear life was completely unrecognizable to the excited man before her.
He was so happy to be a father. And Rose's heart– if she had one– never failed to swell at that thought. That he wanted this child just as much as she did. To create something entirely new with her. A being unlike any other. Someone who would grow and change with the world around them. Half of Greg and half of her.
Half of her…
Greg dropped the books on the sand next to her, catching his breath a bit from the jog over.
“Okay… Lemme just– phew…” he plopped down next to her, and she couldn't help but giggle at his actions. She doesn't think she's felt exertion in her entire life, and yet humans could exhaust themselves at any rate. And when they did, they could get their energy back with a simple rest! It was fascinating and unheard of back on Homeworld. But Homeworld didn't matter anymore.
“Okay!” Greg perked up after catching his breath, “Since it's getting closer to go time, I thought maybe we should start looking over these parenting manuals together. I mean, I've been reading them a lot lately, but when you read ‘em over, I thought I should be there to answer any questions you have– Oh! And they have parenting classes now and I thought we could go to a few together. You know, learn how to change diapers and the right temperature for milk and all that good stuff?”
She sighed, a fond smile crossing her lips. It sounded so amazing and what she wouldn't give to be a part of this process of raising a human…
But she won't be.
“It sounds wonderful, Greg. But…” she closed her eyes. How does she say this? “I need to tell you something first.”
His eyebrows pinched and concern spread across the rest of his face. He knew her behavior was odd. She knew he knew.
“What is it? What's wrong?”
“Nothing!” she quickly reassured him, “Nothing's wrong, I just… I talked to Garnet… about our baby.”
He relaxed immediately after, “Future stuff? You accidentally find out the gender? Don't worry about it too much. It's not that big of a deal. And sometimes they realize that it doesn't really fit and–”
“No. I didn't look that far,” Although the prospect was becoming increasingly more appealing, considering she'd be looking into a future she won't be around to experience.
“So what did Garnet show you?”
She looked out into the ocean. Watched the sunlight sparkle across the waves. The sky was colored with pinks and purples. It was so beautiful and yet…
How many more of these did she have left?
“This child is the very first of their kind. We have no idea how they'll look or act… They are a mystery, waiting to be discovered.”
“Yeah, I get that. And I know we'll be able to solve those mysteries together,” He laid his hand over hers, “Raising a kid is hard no matter what, but I know we'll do great together.”
“You will, Greg.”
She pulled away, running her hand through the sand and grabbing a fistful of it.
“Wh– What? What do you mean?”
Rose took a breath. She didn't need to breathe, but sometimes the simple action let her pretend she was just a little human.
She can't pretend anymore.
“This baby… won't be able to survive without a gem. And for them to live… I would have to give up my gem to them. I wouldn't be here anymore, Greg. Ever.”
His face hardened. He chewed his lip in thought before turning back to her. “Okay… If– If you want… We can go to a clinic– It's legal in this state, I think. Oh! How would that even work for an alien!?” His hands pulled at his hair in confusion and worry as he seemed to talk nonsense to himself.
Rose blinked in surprise. She wasn't sure what his reaction would be, but she supposed she expected more tears. Greg looked distraught, sure, but… She just expected more. Did he really not care about her leaving?
“Greg?” she asked quietly, “What are you talking about?”
“I'm trying to figure out how alien abortion works!” he shouted with bordering hysteria.
“What?”
“Isn't… Isn't that what you're talking about?” his hands slowly pulled away from his hair, falling into his lap, “That you want to end this? I completely understand! If having a baby is gonna hurt you, then I don't want you to go through with it! Your health is way more important–”
“Don't say that!” she instantly regretted being so cold to him, but… she hated that word. “I'm no more important than anyone else.”
Her hand idly raised to her stomach, resting just to the side of her gem. Blinking back tears, she whispered, “I want this, Greg. I want this child to live.”
“But… then you'll…”
“I know.”
She's thought about it before. What it would be like to stop existing. She's thought about it in the midst of war and hard fought battles. She thought about it the night she faked her own shattering. She thought about it every moment she sat in the dark, sometimes for years on end…
It wasn't always an unappealing thought.
Greg let out a breath, shoulders sagging, “I… This is your choice no matter what and… if this is what you really want, I'll support you.”
“Thank you,” she smiled as the tears spilled over. She leaned forward to embrace him. He buried his face in her hair, muffling his own soft cries as he mourned her despite the fact that she wasn't even gone yet.
When she pulled back, she pressed a kiss to his cheek, tasting the salt running down it.
They sat in silence for a moment, enjoying eachothers company while they still had it.
And then he broke it, “Do the others know?”
“Garnet does,” she answered, “I asked her not to say anything yet.”
“If you need me,” he said, giving her a soft, bittersweet smile, “I'll help you.”
“I know.”
She doesn't regret her choice at all, she doesn't regret creating life. The self-deprecating part of her believed it would be better to stay out of this child's life. The optimistic part of her said her child would want their mother in any form. But the selfish part of her just wished she could be able to stay. To watch this new life grow and flourish.
They gave a soft kick to her abdomen and Rose couldn't resist pulling Greg's hand up to feel it.
“This makes it worth it.”
And Greg nodded in understanding, for he understood her in a way no one else could.