Chapter Text
“…so after that we’ll go get dinner, and then I was thinking about hitting the carnival over by the mall.”
“Hey guys, what are we talking about?”
Stan and Kenny turn at the suddenly introduced voice, seeing Kyle walking up to his locker.
“Uhh I uh-nothing much, what’s up with you?” Stan tried for a casual and composed tone.
“Oh um, well I’m fine, thank you,” Kyle had a quizzical look, “…but it seems like you were in the middle of planning something? Is there something up?”
Stan and Kenny shot each other a quick look before Stan spoke up, “Oh uh, like I was just thinking about like- wanna hang out maybe on Saturday?” Kyle noted that Stan looked at the ground while he said this, even though this was obviously directed at him.
Kyle responded cooly, “Oh! Yeah dude, that’s fine. Is there something you had in mind you wanted us to do?”
“Oh yeah, just like regular stuff. I thought we could go see a movie and eat out, i-if you want, that is.” Stan answered in a rush.
This was all feeling very tense and awkward, like the air was stiff and the hallway was too silent. Stan and Kenny had these unreadable expressions that made Kyle feel a little sick.
“Yeah dude, that sounds cool. Did you wanna invite Cartman or is it just gonna be us three?” Apparently this was not the correct response, because Kenny whipped himself around to conceal a noise that sounded suspiciously like a laugh and Stan’s face turned paper white.
Stan gathered all the strength in his body to answer back, “Oh, heh uh actually I was just thinking it would only be us two, like alone, if that’s cool with you.” He looked like he was scared Kyle was gonna hit him, which isn’t too unusual. Stan always thought Kyle could look kind of scary just standing next to him, towering over him and looking at him with eyes that felt like they were burning through to his soul.
Kyle seemed surprised? and confused. He didn’t think it should be causing his best friend this mush distress to just ask to hang out. Something was most definitely up.
Kyle finished putting in his combination and grabbed the textbook he needed for first period.
“Oh. Ok.” Was all he could say before Wendy frantically ran up to him.
“Kyle, we need you! Heidi accidentally set her curling iron directly on the folder for the annual student council budget and it’s completely ruined! I told her she needed to take her treasurer role more seriously and now we have no fucking receipts documented for the last 3 months! C’mon we gotta go rewrite the whole fucking thing right now! Ughhhhhggh!!”
She left no time for a reaction before she started pulling Kyle by the wrist down the hall. “God damnit.” Kyle said under his breath. “Uh sorry guys, I’ll see you later.” He managed to scramble out as his parting words. And just like that, Stan and Kenny were alone again.
“Hi, Wendy!” Kenny belatedly called as he watched the two retreat around the corner.
He could only look back now at his other friend anxiously staring at him. Out of pity, Kenny left him with a pat on the back and a, “See you at lunch.”
Stan stood there by the row of lockers for a minute before defeatedly letting his head fall against them in frustration.
———————————————————————
Stan had honors English with Cartman first period. He takes his seat to the left of his friend who seems to be in a very animated discussion with Tolkien.
“All I’m saying is, Catcher in Rye is just American Psycho for straight people. I’m sorry that you don’t get that but some of us with more developed palettes find the short comings of an emotionally stunted pussy ass goth incel unfavorable to waste our precious brain power on.” He spouts as Tolkien hides his head in his arms on the desk.
“Cartman, remember what we said about radicalizing American literature.” Stan says, exasperated.
“Yeah, whatever, not before 10:00 on a weekday, fuck you.” His playfully sarcastic tone his usual version of a morning greeting.
Stan smiles a little at his antics. Cartman really makes this class worth waking up at 7am for. If only for the sheer torture he puts their teacher through, nearly always resulting in a full period of not actually having to do any productive school work.
As the bell rings and everybody else floods into their seats, Stan gives Cartman a gentle shove to get his attention.
“Bro what’s up. How was your weekend,” he asks.
“What’s up yourself, bro . I heard you and Ken are scheming something up. What’s that all about?” Cartman retorts with an unnerving grin.
Stan, now donning a panicked expression, pulls Cartman over to the side of his desk, whispering. “What. Do. You. Know. You conniving asshole?” Stan grits out.
A well informed Cartman is man’s greatest threat.
“Fuck, dude, chill. Nothing everyone else doesn’t already obviously know. Finally getting some balls to go after that hot piece of ginger ass, huh?” Cartman hums out.
He rightfully receives a slap on the arm from Stan, obviously still sensitive to the situation. “Bro shut the fuck up don’t say that. And…..perhaps, guess you’ll have to just wait and see, bitch.” Stan says, still whispering. Brandishing his sentence by obnoxiously sticking his tongue out at Cartman, who returns the favor.
“Stan, I’m seriously, literally everyone- everyone knows you’re in love with Kahl , except for fucking Kahl. It’s getting sad, frankly. We all know Wendy dumped you freshman year because you were acting like a total homo. And as a resident total homo myself, I gotta tell you, this shit is exhausting to watch. Please just fuck and get married already before someone else moves in and you end up dying alone.”
Stan sighs. “Yeah I know, Cartman. He’s just…so difficult. It’s like trying to dig a hole through a brick wall with a plastic spoon.” He says as he slumps himself back in his chair.
“Very colorful imagery, Stan. B + for effort. But, god, you guys are so fucking annoying.” Cartman replies. “This is why I hate gay people,” he finishes with a sullen lull. His obviously grossly exaggerated comment not going unnoticed.
Stan finally turns his attention to the front of the class where the teacher has started writing out announcements on the board. Sometimes Stan really fucking hated gay people, too.
———————————————————————
All morning Kyle has had his thoughts preoccupied. With Stan. Specifically how he acted this morning. It’s not his fault his overly paranoid mother turned him into a chronic overthinker.
He was frantically searching for the answer to a question he didn’t know. Sure, Stan has been weird as fuck lately, but honestly when is he not like that. He just wanted to know why he was acting like Kyle is gonna devour him in one bite whenever they’re in the same room.
Don’t think he hasn’t noticed. The way Stan will just stare at him, like he thinks Kyle will disappear if he blinks. Or how he can see his body trembling when he leans in too close. And how he has started down right flinching at friendly passing touches. Or that he’ll stumble through words when they talk. It’s obvious Stan’s gotten uncomfortable around him. It’s obvious they’re not like they used to be.
Kyle can’t ruminate on it too long, as he heads over to their usual lunch table. But he must admit this situation is curious. Stan in already sat down across from Kenny, who he’s split his lunch which today. He looks completely zoned out with his earbuds in, completely unsuspecting of the boy approaching.
Kyle sneaks up to the table behind Stan, slamming his lunch down at the seat next to him. This causes Stan to jolt out of his daze and take out one earbud, pretending like he wasn’t just listening to the gayest most depressing songs indie rock has to offer. Now he’s faced with a real stressor.
“Hey,” Kyle says flatly.
“OMG hi kyle,” says Kenny with a little wave as he eats his half of a chicken sandwich.
Stan has this look like he’s a lost baby lamb. Unsure of how to proceed, his pleading eyes aimed at Kenny.
“So Stan,” Kyle starts as he takes his seat, “You wanna come work on homework at my house after school?”
Stan’s searching for any words to save him.
“Oh uh I don’t know, my mom she uhh…really needs help cleaning out the basement tonight so uh, I probably can’t.” It’s a total lie. Kyle knows Stan would never voluntarily clean anything in his own house.
It’s ok, they all know it’s bullshit. Stan’s just really worked up over his end game plans for the week and he’s not sure how he’s gonna make it without throwing up all over his best friend before Wednesday.
“Oh, I could come and help if you guys want,” Kyle replies. Check mate bitch. You can’t fool me.
Kyle seemed to have a gift of getting people to open up to him, most famously Stan. A boy from a family where the concept of feelings apparently doesn’t exist. He was gonna make him squirm until he got what he wanted.
“Oh uh I don’t know, you know how my family can get about things like this,” Stan tries, but he’s sweating. “I don’t want you to have to deal with the inevitable argument my dad will start about micromanaging his shit in our house, ya know how frustrated it makes my mom.”
“Dude, I don’t fucking care. I just wanted to spend some time with you.” It was a bold move. Kyle finishes with a warm smile and a hand on top of Stan’s shoulder.
He knows it’s probably wrong to push like this, but he’s getting annoyed with Stan’s uncooperation. He’d like to just chill with his friends if that wasn’t too much to fucking ask.
Stan’s eyes blank and he shoots up from the table. “UH I HAVE TO GO PEE! Sorry,” he yelps as he turns fully away from Kyle, sprinting to the cafeteria door.
Kyle has some theories as to why his best friend is acting uncharacteristically insane, but he doesn’t wanna jump to conclusions yet.
He turns to Kenny, “You wanna tell me what the fuck is going on, dude?” He asks with contempt, his eyebrows raised.
Kenny takes a long drag from his capri sun before pointedly stating, “Dude, you know Stan’s an idiot,” he begins to gaze off dreamily, just for dramatics. “But I suppose you like that in a man.”
Wow haha very funny. “Whatever,” Kyle defeatedly replies. He couldn’t deny it was probably true anyway.
———————————————————————
It was now Thursday and Kyle had been trying to get Stan alone for just one single conversation since Monday morning. Stan hadn’t been avoiding him, more that he was just entirely nonfunctional when they were together.
The last three days Kyle had been getting cryptic texts and ambiguous off handed comments from his three friends about his plans for the weekend.
Stan only spoke in single sentences and Kenny seemed like he was talking in riddles. Cartman was at least a little more straightforward, but Kyle wasn’t quite sure what “🏳️🌈🌜🤭🤤😈👉👈👁🚶♂️🎡👰♀️🤡” was supposed to mean.
He supposed it was wishful thinking, but it felt like Stan was having them wingman for him. For god knows why, when he’s his fucking best friend.
Kyle was compiling quotes and replaying moments spanning their entire friendship to support his hypothesis.
Stan and him have always had a…special sort of companionship. What he means is codependent, but this isn’t time for technicalities.
They were juniors in high school who still shared a bed at sleepovers. But that was mostly a comfort thing, Kyle argued.
Although they would often stalk off to the side to have their own conversations when out with the rest of the guys, huddled a little closer together than was needed.
And, I mean, I guess they did have matching photos of each other as their phone lock screens. But like, that’s not so weird considering they’ve been friends for over a decade.
Also, Stan’s known to be a clingy drunk, worst of all with Kyle. Following him around like a lost puppy and crying when leaves fall off the trees because they “lost a friend”. And if Kyle stops holding him he’ll start screaming until he throws up. But that’s just cause Kyle is the only one who knows how to comfort him properly.
Ok, Kyle will admit they don’t act like some typical friends might. And they’ve been hearing the secret gay lover rumors since middle school. But they don’t understand that’s just what Stan’s like.
Sensitive and hysterical and sometimes possessive.
But that’s just normal for them.
And there’s nothing wrong with hearing your male best friend talk about how cool you are with everyone you know. Stan just admires his intelligence and talents, he’s said it himself, he loves how much smarter Kyle is than him.
And like maybe, he will sometimes be overly enthusiastic about how nice Kyle might look on a particular day, but Stan just want’s Kyle to feel good about himself after the tough childhood he’s been through.
Stan just likes to remind Kyle of how much he loves and appreciates him. As his best friend. Right?
The last period of the day was about to start. Kyle made his way to his Physics class, which he had with Kenny. Kyle was so worn out from getting the run around these past few days, but he was hoping he could get Kenny to cut the shit if he got him alone.
See, Kenny saw Kyle as a sort of father figure (mother figure?) and knew it was impossible to lie to him, cause well, he might just stop buying Kenny his McDonalds meal when they walk home on Fridays.
Kyle shuffles through the door to his lab table. He sets down his notebook and gets into his seat. The second Kenny gets through the doorway, their eyes lock.
Kenny looks like a kid who got caught stealing his dad’s beer. He treks to the seat next to Kyle. He’s starting to sweat, he knows Kyle knows he knows something, and Kyle has a way of getting what he wants. Kenny can’t help if that disappointed parent look get to him.
His tone is sweet. Disturbing. “Kenny, so nice of you to join me.”
“In the seat I always sit in because it’s where the teacher assigned me? Yeah, a real un-fucking-likely occurrence, Kyle.”
Kenny thinks it’s a good thing he ditched his last class early to smoke behind the school. Talking to Kyle was always easier when he wasn’t sober.
Kyle looked at him expectantly. Eyes screaming don’t you wanna help your friend, don’t you wanna protect our friendship . All week Kenny has been trying his damn hardest to get him aboard team Stan, while somehow, not spilling the secret.
These are some of the dumbest mother fuckers he has ever seen. It’s almost impressive how difficult it is to get them together.
Stan has been absolute bat shit insane obsessively in love with Kyle he assumes his whole life. But didn’t have the intellect to figure that out until he was about 15.
That’s what it seems like to him. That’s when Wendy finally broke up with him for good. And he’d come falling to pieces on his best friends doorstep at 2 in the morning.
Legend has it that they got drunk together off of a bottle of wine stolen from Randy. Stan cried until his head hurt, and Kyle held him until they fell asleep on his bed.
Things weren’t the same after that. From context, Kenny figured that Wendy dumped him because she was extremely jealous of the attention Stan would give to his best friend. Which was true. Wendy always ended up being second best.
Sometimes a guy lets down the woman he’s with because his soulmate is a man.
After a year of Stan telling Kenny, why is Kyle always single he’s perfect enough to have anyone he wants, sometimes I wish I could just date Kyle, don’t you think Kyle looks so pretty today, wow did you hear that funny thing Kyle just said, he knew it was time to intervene.
“Kyle, why do you do this to me? Do you think it’s fun being tortured like this? That I enjoy watching you struggle?” Kenny softly pleads.
“Bro, I don’t know what’s going on, I need you to tell me, this is driving me insane.” Kyle says.
Kenny leans over on Kyle’s shoulder, the weed the only thing keeping him calm as he tries this as hard as he can. “Kyle, my friend, my buddy, my love, why don’t you just think about it. A little harder. It would be a favor to all of us.”
“That’s the problem.” Kyle confesses, “I have been thinking, Ken. A-and I don’t think I like what I’m finding.” He shakes his head.
“Well sometimes, Kyle, you gotta just let your balls loose, ya know.”
“Dude, the fuck does that even mean?”
“You know, like just sometimes you have to get punched in the face. Shut up and take a boat ride through the universe as it rearranges your guts.” Kenny drops his head down on the desk.
Kyle pulls Kenny back up by his hair, taking in his bloodshot eyes and scoffing. “Kenny are you fucking high right now?”
Kenny pushes Kyle back over to his side of the table. “Why would you…ever think that. That I, ME, Kenneth, would sully the academic institution by coming to the very sacred Misses Moore’s 7th period Physical Science class under the influence of recreational mind altering substances. How DARE YOU suggest such crass behavior on my own accord!”
Nothing about his facial expression changes while he speaks. Kyle is giving back the same wilting face he wears, clearly annoyed.
Kenny just stares back at him with a heated intensity, waiting for his friend to release him from his psychological clutches.
Suddenly, Kenny perks up as he whispers, “Hey, do you think when Elvis said ‘only fools rush in’, that he had an anxiety disorder?”
Kyle turns himself back to fully face the front of the class, signaling the death of their conversation.
———————————————————————
He had been thinking. Which was always dangerous. Thinking too hard about very difficult, potentially life altering things in regards to his relationship with one Stanley Marsh.
Kyle was sat in the student council room for their Thursday afternoon meeting. He was supposed to be working on planning for the spring pep rally, but instead he was trying to figure out something of much greater importance.
Wendy, the ever attentive student council president, was making her way over to her trusted secretary. She could tell something was bothering Kyle, and she’d be damned if she was gonna let it get in the way of their work.
“Hey,” she says gently as she approaches, “Are you ok, all week you’ve seemed a bit- distracted?”
Kyle groans as he finally pushes the pile of notes and contact lists away from him.
Might as well talk about it with someone. Albeit probably the last person he’d want to talk about this particular topic with. Although, maybe Wendy would have some unique insight on the subject.
“Wendy, can I ask you a question? Like a serious question. As a friend?”
“Of course, Kyle. What is it?”
“Do you think…” he hesitates, biting his lip contemplating how to say this. It’s probably best to just be blunt, Kyle thinks. “Do..you..think, that Stan…is..in love with me?”
…
….
…..
Wendy’s expression suddenly turns blank and she’s quiet for a few beats. She wants to ask if he’s serious, if this is seriously what he’s asking her. But he did already say that he was serious.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
She heaves a deep sigh and deflates into the seat next to Kyle, one hand on her head.
“Kyle…do I think Stan, your best friend, my ex boyfriend is…in love with you??” She looks at Kyle, really looks into his eyes. He looks on the verge of tears. This is not how she thought today’s meeting was gonna go.
He looks back at her expectantly, a look filled with vulnerability and frustration, pleading.
She tries, “What makes you ask that?”
“Well, it’s been a really weird week. Stan has been avoiding me like he’s too nervous to stand being around me. And Kenny and Cartman have been extremely annoying about answering any of my questions about what’s going on with him, they’ve just been bombarding me with comments about how wonderful Stan is instead. I know the three of them are in cahoots on SOMETHING and he asked me to hang out on Saturday, just us alone, and the way they’ve all been acting it’s starting to feel like this is a date and not just some normal hang out. But also…I’ve been thinking, I’m not so sure how platonic a lot of his behaviors towards me are. Like is it normal to smell your friends when you hug them, or give them longing looks from across the room, or insist on spooning while you watch a movie on the couch? It’s the only explanation I can come up with that makes any sense since all the people I could talk to about this aren’t telling me anything.”
Kyle looks so tired and upset. Like he’s about to scream and pull his hair out.
If Wendy’s being honest, she really thought these two would dating by now. Apparently not. But she’s a nurturer and an expert strategist. She’s gonna do what she can to FIX THIS PROBLEM. Even at her own expense.
“Kyle,” she begins firmly, “Do you know why me and Stan broke up?”
He tilts his head as he recalls, “Something like him not giving you enough attention or being emotionally unavailable?”
She sighs again, choosing to look up at the ceiling if she’s really gonna have this conversation. “Well, yes, sort of. I- Kyle, I’ve never told anyone this before, not even Bebe. What really happened, that is. It was freshman year, we were two..you know teenagers in a relationship. It was our first time really….fooling around,” she looks back at Kyle to make sure he gets her meaning, and judging by the uncomfortable look on his face he must have.
“Wendy, I- you really don’t have to tell me this.” He’s refusing to meet her gaze now. But she doesn’t relent.
“No. You- you need to hear this. Sorry, ok, so we were…. in the moment, so to speak, just…testing things out.” God, this was so fucking embarrassing, she had to look away again. “Stan he, well, he um,” she was struggling to communicate this delicately. “Well, ok, so he kind of, in the middle of it. Moaned your name …”
Oh. Um.
Wow, ok
She spares Kyle a glance and is met with his red ears and absolutely flabbergasted expression.
He tries to speak, “Nooo, ok well, I mean that’s…”
God, she could have said literally anything else that wouldn’t make this situation 100 times more awkward for everyone involved. How can he even process this information? Should he apologize to Wendy? I mean, it’s not his fault Stan was apparently having frequent enough non-platonic thoughts about him for something like that to even have a chance to occur. He knows it’s not really his fault, but he can’t help but feel guilty. Still, maybe it’s just a hormone induced puberty fluke? Having occasional lustful thoughts about your male best friend. Ok even Kyle didn’t think that was convincing. Especially considering all his evidence for Stan’s quite obvious now that he looks back romantic inclination towards their relationship. Not to mention, the only person he’s ever dated is basically just the female version of Kyle. Ugh, oh god!
Now it was his turn to sigh heavily, burying his burning face in his hands. “Are you fucking serious?” His voice sounded so small and strained.
Wendy offered him a comforting hand on his back while he wallowed in the turmoil brought on by this information. “That’s, when I realized, his interests…lied elsewhere,” she concludes, sporting a smile in an attempt to ease the tension. I mean, the situation was almost humorous.
He obviously didn’t feel the same way. Still dazed and reeling, trying to process and accept this reveal.
“Well then, what do I do? If he really is…” Kyle trails off, unable to say it.
Wendy has to stop a chuckle from bubbling up her throat. Or from out right screaming at him. What do you do? Kyle, are you for real? Is this not obvious?
Wendy knows what needs to happen next. “Ok Kyle, since you’re obviously struggling here, tell me: how do you feel about Stan?”
Haha.
That’s actually, the one thing he’s been avoiding thinking about this week. Deep down he already knows what feelings he’s going to find. Kyle was just hoping to put off properly acknowledging them as long as possible.
He stays silent for a minute. Elbow propped on the table, holding his chin in his hand as he turns to look out the nearby window.
“Wendy…..if you’ll excuse me, I really have to get back to work now.” He finally says, wanting this conversation to be done with. He makes no move to retrieve the documents forgotten in the middle of the desk to actually finish his work.
Guess that was it. Wendy stands up from her chair slightly shocked at Kyle’s audacity, but not really surprised.
Those two were both idiots. And they were obviously perfect for each other.
She’s walks back to her original desk defeatedly leaving Kyle to continue stewing.
———————————————————————
Kyle had gotten barely any sleep last night, too haunted by his talk with Wendy.
He knew he had to think about this, had to come to terms with what he would realize, but that was the scariest part of this whole predicament.
He was also definitely not imagining the scene she had revealed with Stan saying his name like that on repeat.
His best friend being in love with him, he could live with that. He won’t lie it’s pretty flattering and he’s a bit of a glutton for attention, especially from Stan. It makes him feel good, appreciated, desired .
But returning those feelings-
That’s completely different. The implications of it feel so heavy. What would that mean for Kyle? What would that mean for their relationship? Would they become a couple, go on dates, kiss, do more than kiss ?? It was a terrifying endeavor to consider.
Kyle has always been great with feelings, well reading other people’s. He didn’t think he should have to deal with them too. That’s why he’s currently kicking himself for not having the foresight to notice this sooner, he could have already been good and done with this dilemma. Especially when he knows he’s had swirls of these ideas swimming around in his skull for years. Instead, he was left with no option other than to face it head on.
Dipping his toes into the enigma that are his feelings towards Stan was like a hot stove. He knows the stove will be hot to the touch, so if he never actually touches it he doesn’t have to confirm that it is. He doesn’t have to get burned as proof. He can just stay at a safe distance, looking at it, pondering what even is a stove? Is it late nights playing video games and falling asleep on the floor? Is it buying two of everything because you have another person you want to share it with? Is it holding hands so you don’t lose each other walking through a crowd? Is it sleeping better after sharing a bed all night? Is it looking away when they’re changing clothes, not simply out of a respect for their privacy, but because you’re afraid that you might see something you like?
Well shit.
He groggily makes his way into the school. It’s 6:45 in the morning. Kyle had decided that sleeping was a lost cause and he might as well head out early today. He was now also trying to avoid running into Stan while he sorted out his emotions. Oh, how the tables have turned. I guess he can’t really blame Stan for his behavior now. It was a daunting ordeal to feel, and even more so to be known.
They were supposed to hang out tomorrow. And Kyle really didn’t want to be dreading the day. He just had to rip the bandaid off and accept the feelings he knew him and Stan both had. And he needed to prepare himself for their relationship to change irrevocably.
Kyle attempted to psych himself up while he walked down the hall, approaching his familiar row of lockers. He stood in front of his own and braced his hands against the cool metal, closing his eyes as he began his internal affirmations.
I can do this. I…like Stan. I love Stan. I am in love with him. He is in love with me. I kinda maybe sort of really want to kiss him and I hope he wants to back. Tomorrow I might even…have a boyfriend…
Kyle allows a quiet smile to spread across his face. See, that wasn’t so hard!
His peace was then violently interrupted as a much heavier and larger hand slammed against the locker, the subsequent body trapping him against it. Kyle turns to face whoever dares to disturb him.
“Sup, jew?” Eric Cartman.
He had the most nauseating smirk on his face that caused Kyle to physically grimace.
7am on a Friday and he already wanted to kill himself.
He forcefully pushes Cartman’s hand away, leading them both to step further into the hallway.
“Good morning, fatass,” Kyle greets in return. His face straight and irritation clearly heard in his tone. “What do you want?”
“Now, Kyle would it hurt you to lighten up a little. I just wanted to see how my dear pal was doing on this lovely morning.”
Kyle had to admit, although they’ve had their differences, Cartman really was one of his closest friends. Even a decent friend at times. After they were both elected co-captains of their middle school debate club, they started a more amicable friendship. They matched each other on an intellectual level that they didn’t share with the rest of their friend group, so every argument they had was met with passion and enthusiasm.
He also found himself unfortunately really grateful for Cartman as he was one of Stan’s biggest supporters when he came out as bi in 8th grade. Cartman, having come out as gay the year prior, to the shock of nobody, was instrumental in warding off bigoted comments and harassment directed towards Stan. It was almost heartwarming to see he was capable of caring about someone else so much.
But right now, he was one of the last people Kyle wanted to see. All week he had been significantly more obnoxious than usual. He was wingmanning for Stan. He was in on whatever him and Kenny had been planning. Cartman also must have been loving this. He’s been teasing Stan and Kyle for being a borderline couple since elementary school.
“Now’s not the time, Cartman. Don’t you have Butters to go bother instead or something?” irritation and exhaustion evident in his body language as he barked back at him. Kyle just wanted to be left alone with his thoughts. He’d just gotten done admitting his feelings for his best friend to himself, he didn’t need Cartman’s commentary on it.
“Whoa, whoa, fine. Whatever man,” he conceded, hands raised in surrender. There was a pause and Kyle foolishly thought that might be the end of it and he’d be left alone again. Until he saw a grin stretching across his face and he turned to fully face Kyle once more.
“I just wanted to know,” Kyle rolled his eyes at the sickeningly sweet tone of the other boy, “Have you noticed how handsome Stan’s looked lately? And isn’t he so funny, too? Seriously. And like that faggy black nail polish he always wears, doesn’t it make him look so cool? Ya know, I also heard he’s packing like 9 inches soft-“
“WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!”
One awkward, silent second before Kyle tries again, slightly more composed.
“I’m getting tired of this shit. From you and Kenny. He’s my fucking best friend, idiot. I obviously know what he’s like!”
Maybe that wasn’t the least incriminating response he could have given.
He does in-fact know very well how cool and handsome and talented and sweet Stan is. He’s just spent the last 16 hours letting those realities flood his mind.
Stan had always been a good looking guy, but he really started coming into his looks last year. Quite frankly, he was obnoxiously gorgeous. And he really didn’t need any reminders. Not about the way his hair falls over his eyes. Not about the way his smile is so genuine it makes him melt. Not about the hypnotic blue of his eyes someone could drown in. Not about how his clothes always seemed to highlight his charmingly boyish figure. And especially not how every girl in their grade had noticed too. Which he was definitely not jealous about, by the way.
He also didn’t need to think about how much Stan cared for the people he loves and the things he passionate about. How animals always seem to love him. How he insists on driving Kyle everywhere even though they both have licenses because he knows driving stresses him out. How he likes to make Kyle’s favorite food for him when he comes over to study because he always gets too engrossed in his homework and forgets to eat.
And then there was how he was good at literally everything. Singing, dancing, acting, writing, drawing. It was infuriating how he could just pick up any hobby. He thinks about the silky way his voice sounds when he sings low notes and the tantalizing way his fingers glide across the neck of his guitar. He thinks about the portrait Stan sketched of him for his 16th birthday and how embarrassed Kyle got, refusing to accept something so personal in front of all their friends until Stan reminded him that he only draws things he thinks are beautiful and Kyle became so flustered he had no choice but to take it.
Or how Stan never fails to make him laugh, how he’s the funniest person he knows. And how much fun he always has in his presence. Always making him smile and his heart clench.
Ok, Kyle needs to turn back around and bang his head against his locker a few times. But not before his musings were interrupted once more.
“Why, Kahl , no need to get so defensive,” Cartman tilts his head 30 degrees. “It’s almost as if you’ve finally come to terms with some aspects of your identity.” He says, tone still sugary and sticky. He inches a little closer to observe how the anger paints his cheeks while carelessly plopping a hand on Kyle’s left shoulder. “I know a sexuality crisis when I see one.” Cartman smiles fully staring directly into the other’s eyes.
Kyle reflexively shoves his arm down and off of him. “Dude, fuck off.” He tries to sound biting but his hearts not in it. Nothing about this interaction is going in his favor.
“No, no. Let’s talk about it shall we. I’ve been waiting YEARS for this. Seems like our boy Marsh has finally got through to you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”
“C’mon, Kyle. You can tell me if you’re gay, or asexual, or stan-sexual or whatever you are. Obviously none of us care, I mean, we’re all a little gay, some just more than others.” He tries to put his hand back on Kyle’s shoulder to emphasize his point but the appendage is instantly rejected once again.
He wanted to say he already knew all that, that he didn’t care what people thought about him anyway, and that Stan’s opinion was the only one with any value to him.
“Dude, Stan won’t care if you’re gay. ESPECIALLY for him,” Oops, that thought must have not been as internal as he intended.
“Actually,” Cartman continues, “I know for a fact, if our trips to the parking lot at the end of lunch are anything to go by, something your asthmatic bitch lungs wouldn’t know anything about by the way, that Stan loves fags.” Cartman wears a self satisfied smirk at that comment, basking in the way it pisses Kyle off even more.
“He just can’t wait to get his mouth on one.”
Alright, he’s had just about enough of this guy.
Kyle groans at his vulgar joke in reference to Stans unbecoming nicotine habits, rolling his eyes again for good measure.
“Cartman, you can’t like just say stuff like that.”
“Why not? Are you trying to police my autonomy as a gay man to reclaim a slur used for decades to shame and undermine my community? I thought you were coming out here, Kyle, guess I didn’t realize it was as homophobic.” He admonishes, shaking his head in disappointment.
“God, will you fucking stop! It’s like you only came over here because you get off on riling me up.”
Cartman gasps dramatically, slapping his hand to his chest for the full effect. “Kahl! Do you have such little faith in me? I have a perfectly respectable and selfless reason for coming to see you.”
“Oh yeah? And what might that be.”
“Well, I was just gonna offer to, ya know, help style you for your little date tomorrow.” Cartman innocently flutters his eyelashes at Kyle to try and rectify his earlier offenses.
They stare at each other for a minute. Kyle crossing his arms, face blank as he blinks back at Cartman.
“Crap, I don’t think I was supposed to call it that, Kenny is totally gonna beat my ass.” He hears Cartman whisper to himself, uncharacteristically shamefully. Until they enter their stale mate once again.
Kyle wants to tell him it doesn’t matter, he already knows this is a date. Instead he breaks the silence with, “You are NOT putting me in drag again.”
“Hey, that was one time! I’m sorry I tricked you into it but you have to admit you did look fierce.” Kyle makes no move to respond, unamused at the memory, leaving Cartman to fumble for a credible explanation.
“I-well I was just trying to help. I mean it wouldn’t hurt to get you out of those plain, oversized clothes you wear all the time. Don’t you ever wanna show off that smokin’ bod?” Kyle narrows his eyes at him but he doesn’t seem to notice as he keeps yapping. “Listen, I thrifted these vintage jeans last week, they ended up being too small on me but I can guarantee they’ll make your ass look soo hot-“
In a terrifying display of rage induced strength, Kyle abruptly grabs Cartman by the collar of his shirt, spins him around and shoves him against a locker.
“Just because you’re gay, doesn’t mean it’s ok for you to sexually harass me!”
Cartman is thoroughly shocked into silence, mouth agape. This gives Kyle a moment to allow his fury to subside and process the position he’s just put the two of them in. Finding a firm warmth nudging up against his leg where it had landed between Cartman’s thighs.
“Dude…are you fucking hard right now?”
It was a rhetorical question but Cartman diligently answers it anyway. “I mean, Kyle, work with me here, you can’t really blame me for this. What’s a little boner between friends.” He claims offering a polite grin.
Thoroughly done with Cartman and this whole interaction, Kyle releases his hold on the other boy, watching him slide to the ground before he storms off in the other direction.
Because he’s a glutton for Kyle’s ire and always needs to have the last word, he makes sure to shout, “Make sure to use that move on Stan tomorrow! He can thank me later,” as he watches the redhead disappear down the hall.
———————————————————————
The school day was a blur. Kyle put in the bare minimum effort to pay attention and participate in class. He also ended up eating at an empty table in the courtyard to avoid having to see any of his friends at lunch. He was completely checked out. Mind going into planning mode, overthinking every aspect of his hangout with Stan tomorrow.
Sorry date, it was a date. A date Kyle wasn’t actually asked out on, one that was unknowingly snuck upon him.
It was now Friday night. Kyle had booked it after the final bell, practically sprinting the whole way home, not stopping until he was in the safety and comfort of his bedroom. He had been so excited and anxious all day, he dedicated to finishing an entire weekends worth of homework as a distraction from his racing thoughts. Arguing if he got it all done now he wouldn’t be worried about finishing it while he was out with Stan tomorrow. And also so he could spend the next few hours preparing. Researching. Tearing his wardrobe apart, plucking his eyebrows and doing a clay face mask, imagining exactly how everything was gonna go, rehearsing his responses, his actions.
If Kyle’s being honest, Stan is kind of a pussy. He really doubts that he’d have enough confidence to actually make a move on him. Or confess, for that matter. As much as he didn’t want to shoulder the burden of doing it first, he knew he was gonna need to help Stan along in this regard. I mean, he’d deduced that this “date” set up was definitely Kenny’s idea, although he assumes Stan actually planned everything.
Maybe he needs to give him a little more credit. Maybe he will surprise him with his romantic charisma. Or maybe Kyle could plant a seed. This concerned their relationship after all. He had just as much a right to initiate it.
Kyle pulled out his phone, scrolling past a dozen unread texts from Kenny, Cartman, and Stan after he spent all day ignoring them. He clicks on Stan’s contact that’s pinned at the top. All his most recent messages are links to memes or videos of cats from twitter. The last one being actual words. A simple text reading:
SBF: sorry i missed you before we could walk home together 😢 are we still good for tomorrow?
He could see it was sent a whole 6 hours ago. Man, Stan is probably freaking out right now. Kyle can’t help the smile that begins to form imagining him pacing around his room, frantically calling Kenny because he thinks Kyle secretly hates him because he hasn’t responded. It’s endearing to think about how Stan’s probably even more nervous than he is. Might as well put him out of his misery. He sends off a quick reply.
Sorry, I was working on my project for AP History. I wanted to make sure I got enough done before tomorrow. What time are you picking me up?
To his surprise and delight, the read receipt pops up only a minute later followed by 3 little dots indicating Stan’s typing. They stay there idling for several seconds until he gets a reply.
SBF: that’s ok! don’t work too hard. does 10 sound good? i thought we could go to the mall and catch a movie, if that’s ok with u 👀
Kyle had never thought about it before, but for some reason the way Stan texts is really cute. Like he can imagine it being said with his exact voice inflection and what effort he must put into finding the best emoji to accurately portray his emotions and the informal use of punctuation and spelling he only uses with his friends. GAHH, WHY IS HE BLUSHING OVER WORDS ON A SCREEN THIS IS SO STUPID!
Yes! That sounds great, I can’t wait. Also, sorry for ignoring you today, I’ll explain everything tomorrow :)
5 minutes pass until he gets his next reply.
SBF: ok :) i’m gonna head to bed now then so i can wake up early to come get u
Kyle smiled to himself again. This was exactly the response he was hoping for. Time to seal the deal.
Alright. Good night, Stan. I love you.
He was feeling a little brave and wanted to do something to give him the upper hand. Now, saying “I love you” was a normal friendly exchange for them. And up until now Kyle had never considered it otherwise. He thinks back to all the times they told each other this in passing since the beginning of high school and wonders how many of those from Stan were meant seriously. Silent confessions to ease his longing in a noncommittal way. This was Kyle’s motivation behind including it now. A little tease, something to communicate hope to his best friend. Something to inspire him. To let him know he didn’t need to worry, he’d already won Kyle over.
Kyle watches his phone to see when those 3 little dots will start moving again. It takes a little longer than the past few messages, idling for a few seconds then disappearing then returning. As if he’s typing out and erasing his reply, searching for the correct way to respond. Kyle locks his phone, holding in loosely in his hand hanging off the edge of his bed as he lays face up on his pillow. After about 3 minutes he feels it vibrate with a notification.
SBF: ily2 gn