Chapter Text
Rule #1
Hide your eye make-up from Gaara/Deidara/Itachi/Orochimaru
(They have no qualms about using it)
(And not giving it back)
(Come on, guys)
(It's not that hard to go out and get your own!)
Rule #2
Stop saying 'un' at the end of every sentence
(It was kind of funny at first)
(But then Deidara blew up my room)
(And the kitchen)
(And most of the base)
(So, yeah, no more 'un')
Rule #3
Never tell Kakashi the plot of the next Icha Icha book
(I'm still recovering)
Rule #4
Always hug Sai
(He's socially awkward)
(Nothing like a hug to make a cocoon)
(And then one day he'll become a beautiful social butterfly)
(He seriously believes this)
Rule #5
The Sound Four are not a band and I am not their manager
(Orochi just doesn't want to share the money)
(Greedy son of a bitch)
Rule #6
The following ladies are not to be messed with during their time of month: Sakura, Tsunade, Karin, Hinata and Anko
(The men of Konoha have set up a support group for trauma victims)
Rule #7
Never mess with Anko
(Taking her dango is a biiiiig no-no)
Rule #8
Don't convince everyone that the reason Sasori and Deidara are always fighting is because they're secretly in love
(I am still convinced of this)
(I see right through this clever ruse)
Rule #9
If Nagato believes he is a Jedi, let him believe it
(Being Shinra-Tensei'ed into a wall is no fun)
(And Tsunade is sick of seeing my sorry ass in hospital)
Rule #10
If Naruto and Hinata are going on a date, get someone to pin Neji down - DO NOT DO IT ALONE
(Gentle fist)
(Pfffft)
(Whoever invented this is a lying liar who lies)