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It’s strange—very strange.
Nazuna tries to qualify, in words, exactly how he feels about his time in Valkyrie.
Would he like to relive it? No, definitely not. Did he regret it, and wish it never happened? No, not that either.
It’s the experiences that kick you down, that truly teach you how to crawl back up and stand stronger than before, after all. If he had never been through Valkyrie… if he had never come to Yumenosaki… maybe, he would still be living without a purpose.
No, you couldn’t even call that living, could you?
With Valkyrie…at least he felt he was living for someone. He couldn’t find a reason to live for himself, after all.
Regardless of the hardships he faced—regardless of his own indecisiveness, his reluctance to take his fate into his own hands at first—he’s here now, standing in front of Yumenosaki’s gates, just like he was over a year ago. Now, the buildings don’t look so big and daunting anymore. He hasn’t grown even a centimeter since then, but he can stand a little straighter now, puff his chest out a little more now, and laugh a million times louder than he could before.
I’ve changed, he finally concludes, perhaps obvious at first glance, but the change was so gradual for him that days blended into months, and he nearly forgot what he was like before.
“Mika-chiii~n!”
Mika looks up from his latest project, clearly alarmed. “Nngah!? Who’s there? Show yerself!” A moment later, he seems to have processed the voice he heard, and he visibly brightens up. “Wait… Nazuna-nii… where are ya hidin’?” he shouts out, a little accusingly.
“Surprise!” Nazuna grins, poking his head through the classroom’s doorway and peeking in. It was empty, barring one Mika Kagehira, as expected. Nazuna affectionately thought of all the times Mika stayed behind at school to practice sewing things.
Really… he hasn’t changed much, Nazuna thought, smiling internally.
Pouting a little, Mika looks back down at the cloth in his hands. “Y’know… I was super startled! I might have even messed up on this, so don’t go around scarin’ me like that, huh…?”
Nazuna scratches his head a little sheepishly, and finally lets himself into the classroom. Taking a seat at the desk next to Mika’s, he says, “Sorry, I swear I won’t do nothin’ like that again. It’s just been… a while since we’ve had a nice talk an’ I…”
Mika looks at him a little strangely, before breaking out into a grin. Placing the cloth back onto his desk, he fully turns around in his chair to face Nazuna, smiling rather cheekily. “Naw, naw, ya don’t gotta apologise or anything. Especially ‘cause you’re my senpai, and all. So don’t worry at all, I know ya, Nazuna-nii. I mean… ya must’ve wanted to lighten the mood or somethin’ like that. Like all the times where Mentor—”
He cuts himself off, and looks deep in thought. “Wait a minute,” he interjects, before looking at Nazuna suspiciously. “Ya ain’t here to gather intel or somethin’ right…? Even if it’s Nazuna-nii, I swear I won’t give info to spies! Valkyrie’s secrets are safe with me!”
Agitated, Nazuna waves his arms around, shaking his head vigorously. “No, no, I swear on my life! Nothin’ like that, I just honestly wanted to talk to you,” he swears earnestly, looking Mika in the eyes, pleading for him to believe him.
Apparently, that was enough to placate Mika, and they both finally relax again, but that there’s a rather uncomfortable silence.
“Mikachin—”
“Nazuna-nii—”
They look at each other expectantly, before Nazuna interjects quickly and adds, “You go first, and I insist. What I wanna say can wait and all, and I’d really rather hear ya out first.”
Mika looks as if he would object, but then grins a little, unexpectedly. “Well, back then ya didn’t even have the option and all, y’know? I’d run my mouth ‘n Mentor would get mad at me… but ya never even talked at all. It was a little lonely, I suppose, bein’ the only one talkin’ when it was just the two of us.”
Nazuna chuckles a little drily, feeling slightly uncomfortable. But Mika smiles again, and places his hands on Nazuna’s, a small effort to alleviate his pain.
“I’ve never been good with words too—y’know everythin’ too. How I’m always fumblin’ and adding unnecessary stuff and always talkin’ about things that are way off topic from what I wanna say…” Mika adds, clutching onto Nazuna’s hands a little tighter. “But knowin’ that you honestly still wanna hear me out—it makes me real happy, y’know? Even though you’ve had to listen to me talk for so long….ya still wanna listen more.”
“Mika—”
“You promised to hear me out, didn’t ya?” Mika adds, before widening his eyes and looking extremely apologetic. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cut ya off like that, I just wasn’t finished and all and…”
Nazuna takes Mika’s hands and holds them back. The act surprises Mika, and he looks down at Nazuna’s small hands grasping at his own.
A little nervous still, Nazuna smiles. Maybe to give himself some confidence. Maybe to reassure Mika. But he smiles as warmly as he can, and tells Mika, “I did. And that’s why I came here today. I wanted to have a talk with you, and that includes listening to you. So please, go ahead. I just wanted to say that… I’m glad too—for the fact that we’re here and talking to each other.” No stutters. He tried extra hard, actually.
Mika’s eyes brighten up, and Nazuna swears that he thinks he sees tears beginning to form in his eyes. “Nazuna-nii… I really missed ya, y’know?” he finally wails, pulling one arm away so that he could wipe his eyes on his sleeve. Nazuna gives him a moment, but Mika just furiously scrubs at his eyes and then sniffles a bit, before finally calming down enough to look back at Nazuna.
“That’s…all I wanted to say,” he admits, looking back down at his lap sheepishly. “I mean… I said it before and all but… I feel like I didn’t do it proper. Like I was beggin’ ya to come back. But I saw you smilin’ so happy with those little kids that yer takin’ care of and… I thought that I couldn’t take that smile away from ya.”
Nazuna, for one, is a little surprised. Mika, who more than anything, wanted his unit members to smile happily. Mika, who tried so desperately to keep them together. The poor, poor, underclassman that had to put up with his senpais’ failures and shortcomings, and kept a smile plastered on his face nonetheless.
And here he was, telling Nazuna that, in a way, he was giving up on that dream of Valkyrie being a happy little unit with just the three of them again. Strangely enough, Nazuna feels thankful that Mika finally accepted that Ra*bits was where Nazuna belonged, yet also doubly guilty now, after failing to take into consideration Mika and their Mentor’s feelings about his departure from Valkyrie.
He… wanted to be happy. He wanted to make Ra*bits shine, and protect them until they were strong enough to stand on their own, without him. But they welcomed him with open arms, and he felt so at home with that he felt like he couldn’t see himself going back to Valkyrie again. Of course, he was torn over this too. Abandoning his unit… wasn’t he the worst? Didn’t he owe Mikachin and Mentor so much? He thought that he hated having to be in this situation, having to choose between two units. He never considered that Mika and their mentor, despite how much they resented his departure, despite how much they wished he’d stay and make Valkyrie whole again… they wanted the best for him, too.
Of course, he feels like an idiot for thinking otherwise.
Mika, who always smiles for others… who always wants to see smiles on others. Of course, Mika prioritized Nazuna and Shu’s smiles above all others, but the idealistic boy who always saw the best in the two of his unit members would of course believe they would get a fairytale happy ending if they all stuck together.
Mentor, whose obsessions were twisted and whose words were cruel… more than anything, he couldn’t express himself. Nazuna and Mika…both of them couldn’t understand him fully, but they knew that he treasured the both of them dearly, no matter how he acted. Mentor, who apparently couldn’t accept that Nazuna had left them—the notes he took on Ra*bits’ performance proved otherwise.
That kind of unconditional love that Valkyrie gave him… it reminded him of a family. But Nazuna couldn’t stay a baby chick forever. He had to leave the nest, no matter what his family thought about it. He found his purpose in living, in going to Yumenosaki—as a member of the unit Ra*bits.
Nazuna loved the family who had taken him in and accepted him, but it was time for a new world view. Ra*bits taught him how to smile. How to speak. How to lead. How to sing again. How to be human.
And maybe—with the little time they have left, before this precious school year ends, maybe, he too, could teach Valkyrie a couple things before it all ends.
Hibiki Wataru— self-proclaimed friend of Mentor... he told Nazuna that he had great expectations of him. And Nazuna wanted to thank him by helping Mentor out in return.
In between Mika’s sniffles, and Nazuna patting his back reassuringly, Nazuna speaks up. “Thank you, Mikachin. I really needed to hear that from you. I missed you too,” he says softly, finally resting his arm on Mika’s shoulder.
“Mmngh… ‘m sorry…. I’m always askin’ for unreasonable stuff and maybe that’s why Mentor always gets mad at me…” he adds, drooping his shoulders in resignation.
“No, Mikachin. You really deserve to be happy. I’m sorry, I wish I could have been there for you guys, but… I don’t regret going to Ra*bits at all. I feel… I can smile and be human, finally,” Nazuna replies wistfully.
Mika only slinks more dejectedly into his seat. “And I wanted to take that away from ya…. I feel so horrible and everythin’ so I don’t really know how yer apologizing for doing what’s best for yerself. I mean I wish I could see yer pretty smile more often and all but… you wouldn’t show it at all back in Valkyrie.”
Nazuna stands up and forcefully lifts Mika back upwards, looking a little stern, as Mika eyes him in confusion. “Now, don’t look so sad and all! That’s an order, from your senpai,” he winks. “See, I don’t regret going to Ra*bits but…I don’t regret being in Valkyrie. Meeting you and Mentor. ‘nd I….if I had the choice, I would…”
Nazuna closes his eyes. The emptiness. The desperation. The longing. It all comes back to him, as if the floodgates of the memories he wanted to repress had finally broken down.
Dark, and terrifying.
But it was worth it—for the ray of hope, for the short time they had on stage when their hearts finally connected. That moment—that moment, to Nazuna, was worth the puppet strings that tied him down at first.
Maybe someone else would have told him that freedom tasted ten times sweeter after he had lived for so long without it. But Nazuna would tell them that it wasn’t just his own freedom. It was the people he met. The hearts they moved.
Even if it was only one song.
Even if it was only one person, like Tomoya, who said he cried after hearing Valkyrie’s swansong.
If he could even touch one heart like that… he would want to sing. Even if his voice breaks down, even if everyone jeers, if at least one person heard him and felt moved to tears—then it was worth it.
Didn't we all come to Yumenosaki, looking for something?
Nazuna was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard someone trying to hold their breath. He also saw the shadow of someone, right outside the doorway.
“…no doubt, if I could go back in time, I would want to sing with Valkyrie again. The three of us… on stage… I’ll never forget it. Valkyrie… you two… you are the foundation of my soul. Without you guys, I wouldn’t be me today, and I wouldn’t be smiling.”
Maybe it’s not enough to ease Mika and Mentor’s hearts. Nazuna still is learning how to speak properly, after all.
“But Mika,” Nazuna adds, trying futilely to push off a bawling Mika who decided to pounce on him with a sloppy embrace, “I really needed that fresh start, you know. Maybe we all need one. Especially Valkyrie. It’s hauntingly beautiful… but antique and collecting dust.”
Nazuna heard a strangled cough, and he chuckled a bit thinking to himself that Mentor really must be trying to control himself from leaping out of the door while trying to defend Valkyrie’s image.
“Y’know… next year, you’ll be alone, Mikachin. But… I’ll say it one more time, and I ‘on’t push you if ya say n-no,” Nazuna continues. A deep breath, because he really needs one. No good suddenly getting nervous in front of your kouhai. He briefly drifts into thought for a second, thinking about the question he asked himself before.
That's right... we came here, wanting to change. Maybe some of us didn't realise it ourselves, but we all wanted to overturn a part of us.
“But...How about joining Ra*bits?”