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“Soda, would you pass me the salt?” Two-Bit asked.
He nodded and passed it across the dining room table.
“You should watch your salt,” Darry chided. “Ain’t good for you, but I suppose all that booze ain’t either.”
“I called the funeral home this afternoon-" Ponyboy started suddenly.
The whole table froze. Sodapop dropped his fork down with a clank that cut through the tense air.
“We already talked this over, baby.” Darry swallowed hard. “I’ve arranged for them to be cremated. It should be for this weekend…"
“It’s not right!” Ponyboy shouted. “Burn them up, stick them in some box. What, we’re just supposed to keep them collecting dust on the mantle or something?”
Darry fell quiet. “Well, that might be nice…I mean, then they can stay in the home with us still, right? We can get them some nice urns. Or maybe we can take Dad down to the lake he’d fish at? He’d like that. Mom might like-"
“You’re being selfish! You just don’t want to have to arrange it. You’re all worried about college, huh? You’re just keeping the money for that-"
“Pony, we got a guest,” Darry warned.
Two-Bit looked off awkwardly. He really shouldn’t have been here for this. It felt like when he was barely old enough to tie his shoes, listening to his parents argue over the bills. There was nothing to say or do to help, not that he should be there witnessing it at all so young. Now that his father had long been gone, his mother talked right at him about their money problems, and he still couldn’t do anything to help. His sister watched the two of them now, barely old enough to tie her shoes.
“Since when does Two-Bit count as a guest-"
Darry slammed his fist down onto the table. “Honey, when you can cough up two thousand hard cash and another eighty for the mortgage, in a week flat, then you can fuckin’ talk.” Two-Bit figured he had to have been really upset. Darry never liked to cuss around his brothers, but even worse, cuss at them.
Ponyboy opened his mouth, but before he could get anything out, Darry slid his chair back from the table. “I don’t wanna hear it.” He said firmly, before getting up and stalking off to his bedroom. Everyone at the dinner table held their breath till they heard his footsteps stop.
“Just let it go, Ponyboy.” Sodapop sighed.
“It’s just- Our parents wouldn’t have wanted it like this.” He seemed close to tears.
“I know if we had the money for anything, Darry wouldn’t stand for eating out of cans and boxes every night without a lick a meat…” Soda mumbled.
Ponyboy just stared down silently at the bland boxed mashed potatoes and canned green beans left on his plate. None of them really could cook very well, so he’d never thought it was more out of necessity rather than convenience. Two-Bit certainly didn’t seem to mind when he was putting it away like it was a world-class meal. Then again, it was Two-Bit. He’d really eat any damn thing over his mama’s shit cooking.
Two-Bit reached over and grabbed a handful of green beans off Ponyboy’s plate.
“Hey!” He protested, trying to grab at Two-Bit’s hand.
Two-Bit ignored him and popped most of it into his mouth. Ponyboy scowled. Two-Bit took two green beans and shoved them under his lips on either side of his two front teeth.
“I vant to suck your blood!!” he shrieked in a dumb accent.
It was so ridiculously random and stupid that it got a laugh out of Ponyboy, even when he’d just been so upset. Ponyboy was also amazed that he remembered that he was reading Dracula for school. He didn’t think he’d really been paying much mind at all when he’d go on about it to Two-Bit while he was glued to the television set since summarizing things always helped Ponyboy learn it better. Two-Bit didn’t know much about the book himself, but he’d snuck in some years ago with Kathy to see Brides of Dracula. Ponyboy and Sodapop had seen it too that week, even though Darry had told them not to since it would probably give them nightmares. Of course, they still went, and to Darry’s great annoyance, slept on his full-size bed for two whole weeks.
Sodapop rolled his eyes. “You know he didn’t even say that. Not in any of the movies-"
“Man, a guy can’t make a joke around here…” He reached over, grabbed Sodapop’s toast, and took a bite. Sodapop snatched it back quick and snarfed the rest down before Two-Bit would just try to get at it all over again.
Two-Bit laughed. “You think Darry’ll lemme have the rest of his plate?”
“Of course that’s what you’re thinking on right now. Hell would have to freeze over ‘fore you’d think of anything but getting fatter than you already are.”
“Oh, Soda!” Two-Bit gasped comically loud and raised his arm to sigh dramatically with his wrist against his forehead. He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, clutching his other hand over his heart. “How you wound me!”
Sodapop smacked the back of his head while Two-Bit was beside himself giggling at his own damn joke as per usual. “You go ask him first ‘fore you get to eating. He’s already liable to skin somebody alive…least it won’t be me or Pony…”
“Yeah, alright.” Two-Bit got up. He still shuffled over to Darry’s place setting and gulped down the rest of Darry’s beer. “Don’t nobody like warm beer. Shame to waste it!” he said, winking at Ponyboy.
He made his way down the little hallway. Darry’s door was cracked slightly open, so he figured that was close enough for an invitation. Two-Bit had never knocked on a door in his life. The way Darry was about privacy, he’d probably have an earful for anyone else to come in like that, but at this point, that was just Two-Bit. Darry had become used to it by now.
He swung the door open, ready to start some dumb gag, but quickly slammed his mouth shut. Darry was in there, sobbing on his knees by the bed, rocking back and forth. There was something he was clutching in his hands tight against his chest, but Two-Bit couldn’t make out what. Two-Bit never thought of Darry as very religious. He knew the Curtis family considered themselves catholic, but it wasn’t a big thing for them. He remembered they used to go to church, only for holidays, but had long stopped doing even that. But there was no mistaking it. Darry was in there praying.
Two-Bit started to back up quietly, but he suddenly remembered the door. He tried to grab the handle, but it was too late. It slammed against the wall. Two-Bit jumped back and flattened himself against the hallway wall. He squeezed his eyes shut tight. Two-Bit was sure Darry would die before letting anyone see him break down like that. He’d never seen Darry cry. Not ever. Not for anything.
Not even when they’d fallen off Tim Shepard’s cobalt blue motorbike. Darry fractured his arm and broke two fingers trying to break his fall. He still landed funny and slammed his face into the concrete, breaking his nose, busting his lip wide open, his face ripping up against the rough asphalt. He still had scars from it. Meanwhile, Two-Bit had bawled over just his scraped-up knees and seeing Darry on the ground. He could still remember Darry’s bloodied face. He was there on the ground after turning himself onto his back, shaking silently, with his jaw gritted, looking blankly up at the sky. He’d gotten injured so bad that Tim had given his motorbike away the next day, scared for anyone else he knew enough to care getting hurt on it or worse.
It was dead quiet until Darry broke the silence. “…Soda?” His voice came out unusually shaky.
Two-Bit held his breath. He wasn’t sure what to do. It was too late. Darry knew someone was there. Maybe it was better that it was him. He knew Darry always felt he needed to be the strong one for his brothers. He’d heard Sodapop crying every night when he’d slept over on the couch. Ponyboy wasn’t doing much better. Of course Darry wouldn’t want to burden them with how he was really doing. It would probably be good for him. Good to have someone there to comfort him even if he might not accept it.
“It’s me, honey. It’s Two.” He whispered, “Can I come in?”
There was a pause that seemed to stretch on forever. Two-Bit’s heart started to pound. Maybe he should have just kept quiet. Walked back to the dinner table like nothing. He was never much good with really comforting a person. He could read people well. He had to be to make it in a household where no one could ever be upfront about anything. He’d learned fast to pick up on just how people were feeling and the unsaid things behind their eyes. It was another thing to take it and fix it. He could make people laugh easy. Try and cheer them up. A good enough distraction to move on fast like he’d just done with Ponyboy. This was different. This couldn’t be fixed by a funny face and some ignorant rambling. This was Darry. He wouldn’t be like this over a passing feeling and wasn’t liable to let it go fast or so much as crack a smile for anything.
“No.”
“Are you sure?” Two-Bit pressed.
“Yeah.”
“Really…? I just- I’m worried about you. I just want to make sure you’re ok-”
“Go away. And don’t you tell anyone, and I mean it.” Darry retorted sharply.
Two-Bit knew he should listen. He should be happy Darry was giving him an easy out. But Two-Bit remembered when his father had walked out. He remembered that Darry had nodded along and listened when he ran over to his house and got to sobbing like a toddler. Darry wasn’t much of a talker, but it was comforting to just have someone there to rub his shoulder and say it would be ok.
Before Two-Bit could think right, he was already standing in the doorway. He shut the door softly and leaned up against it. Darry looked up at him, still on his knees with bloodshot eyes. He turned away from Two-Bit and curled up, leaning against the bed to face the wall away from Two-Bit.
“I told you to leave,” Darry said.
Two-Bit walked over hesitantly. He sat down on the floor next to Darry up against the bed.
“Sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” Two-Bit pulled his knees into his chest.
“I said no. I meant no,” he answered sternly.
Two-Bit looked down. His eyes fell on a rosary and a picture of Darry’s parents. He wasn’t sure what to say. But he didn’t want to give up. He reached up and rubbed Darry’s shoulder. They were silent for a moment until Darry finally spoke up.
“He just doesn’t know how much goes into things. He's just too young to get it. I can’t seem to make him get it either. I mean, it’s not like I know the first thing about running things, either. All these people coming by with their casseroles and whatnot. It’s nice, but it ain’t enough. We need help. Real help.”
Darry paused and took a breath. “I thought maybe it would be enough being part-time and Soda part-time too. It’s not even a full week, and I already know it won’t be enough. I haven’t even told Pony. He probably wouldn’t care anyway about me giving up on college.”
“Darry, of course he’d care! We all know it means a lot for you.” Two-Bit protested.
“Pony, he just…it’s like he doesn’t get at all…” He turned around and put his back against the bed to match Two-Bit.
“Of course, I want a service. Of course, I wish I could give them a casket and gravestones, the whole nine yards. But we haven’t got the money for all that. I can barely scrape together enough for urns on top of the cremation…They’d want to be buried proper. It’s killing me I can’t give them that. It’s eating at me just the same as Pony or Soda. It really is, but I can’t just go on saying that. I got to be positive about the whole thing. It’d just make them that much more upset, you know? I got to say it ain’t so bad.”
Two-Bit nodded. He wasn’t really all that familiar with Catholicism, though he’d been to church with some of the gang before. He prayed at the Curtis’ kitchen table because that’s what they did. But he did know that they had certain beliefs about rituals after death. He remembered something like you had to be buried whole. He wasn’t quite sure why it mattered, but it seemed to matter.
“I don’t even believe stuff like that. In the second coming and whatnot.” He laughed weakly.
“It’s all silly but…I don’t want God to be mad at them. I don’t want them to suffer ‘cause we can’t do things right, I just- I don’t know if he’d even ever listen to me. I don’t think God would ever listen to me, but I just thought I’d ask him to forgive them. He don’t have to forgive me, but they don’t deserve it.”
Darry’s shoulders started to shake. He hardened his jaw up quick, trying to fight it down, but he lost the battle. The tears started to fall anyway.
“It’s all my fault!” He choked out, wiping at his eyes. “It’s my fault! Took my whole future away. He’s punishing me. He took them ‘cause of me… ‘cause I’m dirty-”
“God wouldn’t do that, Darry!” Two-Bit interrupted quick. “You ain’t ever did nothing to deserve nothing like this. Don’t talk like th-"
“He knew! He knows. It was on purpose. I know it was.” He broke down sobbing. Two-Bit didn’t know what to do other than pull him into his chest. “God won’t ever forgive me. I’ve already been too far.”
“Honey, what could you possibly be on about? Ain’t none of it on you. It was an accident. It was all an accident. You don’t deserve nothing bad. ‘Specially nothing like this. I mean shit, Darry! You’re a damn angel compared to me. Hell, even half the people in this town. You quit talking like that.” He ran his fingers through Darry’s hair, letting him cry it all out.
They stayed like that a good while. It was like once Darry started crying, he couldn’t stop. Two-Bit felt awkward about it when Darry had never been so vulnerable. It was nice, though. It was nice that Darry would let his walls down even if Two-Bit knew they’d be back the second his tears dried up. He was starting to get emotional just hearing Darry sob like that. He was always the type to cry just because someone else started crying. He fought it back hard though when he didn’t want it to end with Darry having to comfort him like Darry had already had to do a lot with Sodapop.
Darry pulled away suddenly. He wiped his face against his arm. “Sorry, breaking down like that. This ain’t nothing you need to be worried ‘bout.” He mumbled.
“It’s ok. I mean, I know you’re going through a lot. It’s ok to lean on folks sometimes, Darry. You know my mama can help some maybe. She’s been running our house a good while with two kids, so maybe she could help you. Plus, I’m grown. Sure, I don’t know nothing about what you’re going through, but I’m right here to listen if you’d talk-”
“You remember Paul Holden, Two-Bit?”
Two-Bit nodded. “Yeah, your year. Play football.”
He sighed. “He said he could give me enough for the mortgage this month. I mean, I still couldn’t do anything different for my parents other than without it we’ll certainly fall behind fast, and we could eventually lose the house-"
Two-Bit’s eyes lit up. “That’s good, Darry! That would take some pressure off, at least.”
“I- I told him I wouldn’t take it-"
“The hell would you go telling him no for?” Two-Bit furled up his eyebrows tight.
“I couldn’t ever pay him back, and he surely must know it. I can’t just go taking charity like that. It’s like dirty money or something…”
“Darry, you’ve got to put that damned pride aside for this! I mean, if he got money to just give like that at a moment’s notice, you should take it. He don’t need it near as bad as you.”
Darry looked down. “He’s only offering ‘cause he feels sorry for me. He’s going to go on without me through college. It’s like a farewell. Like rubbing sugar into the wound over salt. Either way, it’s gonna hurt.”
“Look, none of that shit matters when you got Pony and Soda to worry for. You take it for them, alright.”
Darry looked over and nodded. “Thank you.”
Two-Bit nodded back. He reached over to pick up the rosary and photo from the floor to place them into Darry’s palm. “I can pray with you if you want.”
Darry was silent for a moment. “It’s ok. I think God heard me.”
Two-Bit smiled.
“Well, that’s enough moping for the day and crying for the year.” Darry sighed.
Two-Bit laughed and helped pull Darry up. Two-Bit wrapped his arms tight around Darry. He moved to back away for a second but decided to accept the hug.
Two-Bit pulled back and grinned up at Darry. “C’mon Darry, your food’s getting cold!”
“I haven’t got an appetite left-"
“Perfect!” Two-Bit cheered and ran out the door to the dining room.
Darry rolled his eyes. He shoved his rosary back into his nightstand and stuck the photo back into his wallet. He decided he would take Two-Bit’s offer up to go see his mother. Maybe his mom couldn’t offer much in the end, but she was the closest outside of Darry’s mother to a maternal figure, and he needed that more than anything right now. He did have a lot of people who cared about him. Even Two-Bit, as much of an idiot as he was. Even the near strangers to him that stopped by to bring over food and shared stories of his parents. It wasn’t really about the food. It was about the company and love they had to offer when they didn’t have the money to help. That in itself was a godsend.