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“If after the dust settles, I’m no longer myself, I want you to put me down.”
Because truly, who would he be if he couldn’t feel?
An uncaring monster like his brothers.
Someone who would see the horrors of the world and feel nothing?
No, he would rather die than become that.
Which is why, when he asked that from Zoro, he meant it.
Now, after the battle ended and he was still himself, now that he knows he was not the one that hurt Osome, he didn’t know what to do.
He didn’t know how to face the swordsman.
“I figured it out.” He had said.
As if Zoro was ever going to be a person to take that lying down.
He tried to avoid him, as best as he could, he felt like a coward for doing so, but with the big festivities going on in Wano, it was a whole lot easier than one would expect.
But there’s one thing regular people didn’t know about their first mate.
Yes, he was a directionally challenged mess, yes, he will mistake north for south, yes, he will get lost as soon as he steps a foot out of the Sunny.
But the truth was that come hell or high water, as unexplainable as it was–
Zoro always knew where his crewmates were.
Nobody could ever explain it, how he could be so lost one second, yet even with his direction problems, he could always locate them.
Sanji was no exception and right now he truly wishes he was.
“You are not avoiding this conversation any longer, cook.” A voice startled him from where he was calmly reading a book Momonosuke had lent him, about the country’s history; he lifted his head, being greeted with the scowling face of the swordsman, arms crossed.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sanji tried to stall, this was sure as hell a conversation he preferred to never have.
Not that he was lucky, he never was.
“Don’t act dumb, you know exactly what I’m referring to.” Zoro pushed himself from the door, his steps firm as he made his way to him before plopping down right in front of him.
He didn’t scream but to Sanji it almost felt like he did.
“What the fuck was your call about, why did you ask that from me?” He practically demanded, his eyes frantic even as he tried to hide it. “What the hell is going on?”
“I told you,” Sanji tried to scowl, hoping it went unnoticed as his hands trembled slightly. “I figured it out.”
“Miss me with that bullshit, cook, I deserve the truth.” He didn’t yell, but to him it almost felt like he did. “You asked me to kill you if you were to change, what did you mean by that? Do you really think that lowly of me? That I would kill a crewmate so easily?”
Zoro was furious, Sanji could tell from the fire in his eyes, but underneath it, there was a tint of desperation, a need for the truth.
And after asking such a thing from him, what else could he do but to grant him that wish?
“Do you remember, mid battle, when I told you my body felt strange?” He waited until the swordsman nodded, before continuing. “The stupid suit, it did something to me.”
He took a deep breath. “Suddenly, my skin was like armor, it couldn’t be hurt, it felt like metal, something was awakening in my body, something I did not want to happen and that could change everything.”
Zoro was silent, allowing him to continue. “My brothers, they don’t feel, they don’t care, they’re monsters and back then I feared I was about to become like them.”
He looked up at Zoro, knowing that his own eyes must have a frantic shine on them. “I can’t allow that to happen, my mother, she gave her life so I could live, so I could feel , I couldn’t let that sacrifice be in vain.”
“Wouldn’t it still be in vain if you died?” Zoro asked him.
And wasn’t that the million berri question. “Maybe, but it still would have been my choice,” he took a deep breath. “You often tell me that I let my emotions get the best of me and maybe that’s true, but I have met who I would be if I didn’t have them and I’d choose a thousand times over to be called stupid or pathetic because of them than become part of what I hate the most.”
Zoro was silent and for that Sanji was glad, since he still wasn’t done. “I’m sorry I asked that from you, it wasn’t fair to put that weight on you.” He bowed his head slightly
“You’re stupid, but I think you already know that.” Zoro’s voice could cut steel.
Sanji’s head snapped from where it was, just in time to feel Zoro’s hands on his yukata before being slammed against the wall.
“I need you to fucking hear me , you idiot cook.” He growled, Sanji, maybe for the first time didn’t have the energy to talk back to him.” I am not going to kill you, not now and not ever, I will not have your blood on my swords.”
Zoro’s eyes were screaming at him, a loud promise on them. “And if you ever lose yourself, you can be fucking sure, someway or another, I will bring you back, we will bring you back.”
Sanji will deny until his dying breath the mist that gathered in his eyes.
“Are we clear?” Zoro asked him, not willing to let go of him until he understood.
And Sanji did, very much so. “Loud and clear mosshead, loud and clear.”
He could trust him, he always has.
Now, as Zoro once again blocked a flaming heel with his sword, his mind thought back to that conversation.
Sanji’s kicks were meant to kill him, he knew that.
And his eyes? The blank stare of them was something that would haunt his dreams for years to come.
How did they even get here?
He knew the question was stupid, he knew how it happened.
If only they hadn’t docked in this stupid island, this wouldn’t be happening.
If only they didn’t meet that fucking old scientist, long dead by now thanks to Robin, obsessed with Germa’s power.
If only—
There was so much more he could have said, but currently, he was trying his very best to block Sanji’s attacks.
He knew, the moment Sanji went missing at night, the moment they found him in the middle of the woods, a dead look on his eyes and the mad scientist right beside him, Zoro just knew.
“Get back,” Zoro had told his crew, his eyes never leaving the cook.
“Zoro?” Luffy asked him, seriously, he knew his captain had understood something was very very wrong. “What is going on?”
“Captain,” he said, unsheathing his swords. “Permission to handle this.”
Sanji was still looking at them with that scarily empty gaze, so unlike him.
Almost like a hunter ready to pounce on its prey.
“Zoro, are you sure?”
“Luffy,” his voice almost sounded like a prayer. “I need you to trust me on this.”
He knew without even looking at him that Luffy was far from happy with the situation, yet as always the trust he had for his crew was bigger than the sea itself.
“Permission granted,” He said with finality. “Bring him back.”
The words left his mouth just at the same time Sanji moved, doing something none of his crew ever thought he would do.
He tried to punch Zoro.
He blocked the fist with his swords, even as he heard gasps coming for his crewmates.
He needed to take this fight away from the crew.
“They care of the old bastard.” He told them, before launching himself against Sanji, the force he did so with, enough to blast them quite a few meters away.
And that’s how their current state came to be.
“C’mon cook,” he yelled in his face. “Wake the fuck up! This isn’t you.”
“I guess you should have killed me when you had the chance.” Sanji’s voice sounded dead, empty, devoid of emotion.
Zoro couldn’t, wouldn’t accept it.
There was no way a heart that fucking big could be destroyed, he refused to believe it.
Sanji’s attacks would have killed a lesser man, thankfully, for both of them, Zoro was anything but ordinary.
He was the First Mate of the Strawhat Pirates and he would not lose a single member of his crew, not on his watch.
He had to make him wake up.
“If you’re gone, who’s going to feed Luffy, huh? Who’s going to make the girls their ridiculous drinks? Who’s going to humour Usopp and Franky with their stupid inventions? Who’s going to talk about panties with Brook? Who is Jimbei going to talk about aquatic life if you’re gone?”
He blocked yet another attack, but this one felt weaker somehow and looking up, Zoro could see it.
Hesitation, doubt, restraint.
Sanji was still there somewhere, he just needed to find him.
“Who’s going to fight with me, huh? Who’s going to drive me crazy? Who’s going to have my back?”
He used his force to send Sanji tumbling to the floor and while he was distracted, Zoro did something he never thought he would do.
He dropped his swords, leaving himself unarmed and used all his strength to pin Sanji to the floor.
“You said it yourself, who are you without your emotions?”
Sanji tried to fight him but Zoro could see the conflict in his eyes.
Zoro knew right then, he just needed a bit more pressure to get through him.
“Come back, cook, we need you, your journey isn’t over, don’t let them win.”
He bumped his forehead against Sanji’s, just in time to hear him scream.
He never let go of his hands.
Suddenly, a force knocked Zoro out in the air, a tree breaking down his fall and he knew his back was going to feel that later.
But none of it mattered right now.
What was important was the limp form just a few feet in front of him.
He was so still, Zoro felt his heart hit the bottom of his stomach.
He hurriedly, as best as he could, made his way towards Sanji, hoping against everything that it wasn’t too late.
“Cook.” He said as soon as he got close to him, Sanji didn’t move. “Hey, Cook!” He yelled, more urgently.
Slowly, blue eyes opened, looking up at him and Zoro doesn’t think he has ever felt as relieved as he was right at this moment.
For those eyes were shining with life, exactly as they should be.
“Hey mosshead.” Sanji said softly and Zoro never thought he would be happy to hear the cook call him that. “Thank you.”
Sanji closed his eyes and maybe if he was any other person he would have felt panic, but he knew the cook was going to be just fine.
The heartbeat he felt when he picked him up in his arms let him know exactly that.
“Stupid cook,” Zoro said quietly, looking down at his sleeping face. “Stop making us worry so much.”
In the distance, he could hear his crew approaching, he knew there would be questions that he would have to answer, but that could wait.
Sanji was alive and right now that was all that mattered.
Sanji woke up with a splitting headache, yet he remembered everything that happened.
So all in all, he was absolutely not surprised, that as soon as he woke up, he was met with the figure of the swordsman, sitting right there at the edge of the bed.
“About damn time, sleeping beauty.” He taunted him, but he couldn’t fool him, Sanji could see the relieved smile peeking through his mouth.
“Shut up, stupid mosshead.” Sanji scoffed, yet he knew he was also smiling. “You kept your word.”
“I told you,” Zoro shrugged his shoulders. “I would bring you back, as many times as I have to, until you understand that you’re stuck with us for life.”
And after everything, what else could Sanji do but laugh, it was that or to cry, and he very much would prefer not to cry in front of him.
“Thank you.” He said, sincerely.
Zoro studied him for a moment, his gaze so intense that Sanji almost felt uncomfortable.
“You said that without your emotions you wouldn’t be you and after the little stunt you pulled I have to say that I agree.”
“Well, of course, Mr. Obvious.” Sanji deadpanned.
Zoro just shook his head, still not done. “I saw a small glimpse of what life would be if you didn’t have them and let me tell you, it fucking sucked.”
Sanji snorted, that was the understatement of the century.
“Your emotions may make you obnoxious from time to time, but they’re what makes you, you.” There was an honest smile on the swordsman’s face now. “And fuck your sperm donor for ever trying to imply otherwise, if I ever meet him I will put my sword through his skull.”
Zoro sounded so serious about it, Sanji knew he wasn’t joking, yet he couldn’t help the startled laugh that left him.
“The others want an explanation, by the way.” Zoro dropped, effectively killing his laugh. “I refused to give them one until you woke up, they weren’t happy about it but at least Luffy understood.”
Their captain always does.
“Yeah,” Sanji said. “I will tell them everything.”
After all, he had all the time in the world.