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I've been re-reading a lot of your fics in Ao3 these past few days, and I've had this idea for a while and I figured hey, why not ask? Basically, human AU, Aromantic-but-not-out Virgil with Hanahaki, and a best friend who is the only one who knows about the Hanahaki and is really worried (I picture Patton in that role, but if you think of a way one of the others would fit better the ideal, by all means go for it! I'd like to see your spin on it :] ) and they keep telling him to tell his crush or whatever and Vee's like "...no". And it ends up being bc of his family(? His parents or sth, bc it's not romantic love, but he's afraid of saying that to his best friend because it would crush them (and it's like, true that whoever it is for doesn't really care about him, so it makes it more angsty-) idk why this popped up in my brain but I can't stop thinking about it- . Maybe hurt/comfort with the friend group finding out and helping him in some way so he doesn't die(? ;w; – anx-fander
This isn’t supposed to be one of those stories. Chronic hanahaki isn't what people think it is. It's not blooming flowers from unrequited romantic love that ends in tearful confessions or the cold nothingness of the surgery. It's months of not being able to breathe quite right, of stuffing petals into trash cans, of cough drops and medication that's supposed to help keep the worst of them from taking root and long nights in the bathroom lying on his back with a vibrating vest to shake loose the brambles from the insides of his lungs. It's feeling the change of the seasons and knowing that it's going to be hard until fall, of knowing that for every moment he spends outside it's just going to be harder and harder when there's ambient pollen and he'll be sneezing and coughing his lungs out if he isn't very, very careful. Hanahaki isn't glamorous, it isn't romantic, it isn't the key to unlocking a whirlwind love. It's just painful and very stubborn.
Virgil puts on Que Sera Sera as he walks outside, pulling his hood up over his head.
Somewhere along the way, they’re figured out that it’s not really unrequited love that causes hanahaki, not necessarily. It’s emotional neglect. So when his parents still care for him—because of course it's his parents, of course it's the one root he relies on and it's chosen to only feed him sparingly, because they had a child because it's what they were supposed to do and not because he was truly wanted—he's surprised when he still throws up a mouthful of petals. Then he figures out it’s out of obligation, and he doesn’t realize that only makes the flowers grow faster. He sits in the garden one day when he spits up a full flower for the first time. He gives it to his mom, because he's only a child still and he wants to give his mother a flower, and swallows another when she smiles blandly and doesn't bother to bring it home with them when his father says it's time to leave. It becomes much harder to hide all the blood the next time.
July plays over his headphones as he does his homework, a trash can next to him filled with tissues and bloody petals.
Patton is the first one to notice and he’s frantic. He's about to call every single doctor he knows—or that his family knows—when Virgil finally gets him to calm down. He has his diagnosis, he has his treatment plan, he's got everything he needs to be fine, so Patton doesn't need to worry. But Patton won't listen. He's harping on about how Virgil needs to just tell his crush, it isn't worth dying over, that he's worth loving, he is, he really is, but he doesn't realize he's sort of making it worse. Because if this were just about that, about a romantic attraction, then yeah, it wouldn't be that much to worry about. Virgil likes to think that when it counts—and life or death scenarios definitely count—he's not actually that much of a coward. But maybe he is, because Patton just keeps saying how wonderful Virgil is, how much anyone would be able to love him, about how easy it is to love him, and Virgil can't help wondering then why don't they love me? He doesn't tell Patton this, of course, but he does break out into a coughing fit and Patton promises he won't push, not right now.
Virgil puts on This is Gospel as he goes to meet Patton for their walk, smiling as a dog sniffs at his boots.
Some of the other students figure it out and they’re still young adults so…well, you get the picture. It isn’t the teasing that makes it that much worse, it’s not the fact that he can’t explain that it’s not the kind of love they think it is, it’s not even the fact that some of his professors try to chime in not knowing the full story, it’s the fact that when he tries to tell his dad he's being bullied, he doesn’t believe him. Well, he doesn’t believe it’s a problem. It takes until Logan finds him one evening crying in front of two of them that someone actually does something about it. Some part of him should be satisfied at the fear emanating off the two in the face of Logan's rage, but he’s too focused on keeping the blood and petals inside his mouth. He can’t speak until Logan asks him to go wait for him at his dorm, and he throws the flowers up over the edge of a railing once he’s out of earshot. He bites his lip in order to have an excuse for the blood Logan finds at the corner of his mouth when he brings Virgil inside for a cup of tea as part of an apology for letting it get this far. He warns Virgil about how hot it is, not knowing he uses the scalding drink to burn away the petals in his throat. Each soft word Logan utters is another thorn snagging the inside of his lungs, each kind touch another breath he won’t be able to take. He gets the courage to ask Logan for a hug and feels the vines twist into a straight jacket.
He sits on the ground, his back against a nearby wall, She Used to be Mine playing softly from his phone.
It's parents' weekend. His parents don't come, and that's bad enough. but then Roman and Remus invite him to come hang out with their parents while they're here. He sits with them at the restaurant and he's included in the conversation, but it's painfully obvious he is not their child. He excuses himself to go to the bathroom more times than is probably polite, but that only makes them worried, not upset, and he can feel the flowers getting worse. He manages to put on a smile to enjoy dessert and Remus remembers that tiramisu is his favorite. They split a piece and pick up another to take back to the dorm. As they drive back, a truck skids on ice and crashes into their car. Virgil manages to drag himself out of the wreck, trying to pry the others out too. He gets Remus and Roman out, but their parents are stuck. They're all crying, screaming at them to wake up, to try, and by some miracle, everyone survives. An ambulance arrives to take them to the hospital. The meds they give them make them loopy as all hell, so as they patch them up, he hears Roman and Remus's parents rambling deliriously about how much they want their boys to be okay, how much they love them, how important they are, please, just help my son, just tell me my son's okay. Virgil feels a very persistent branch crawling up his throat and the EMT next to him just stares at him with wide eyes before yelling for something Virgil doesn't hear before he passes out.
Virgil clicks through his music library, picking Irrelevant and jamming his headphones into his ears, shoving his hands in his pockets and stalking away.
Roman and Remus are lucky. They each escape with only superficial wounds. Their parents are lucky too; their dad has a broken arm, their mom has a slight concussion, but other than that, it's all fine. Virgil swallows the blood and smiles, happy to see them okay. So happy, he encourages them to go, he'll be okay, he probably won't be here for that much longer—he lies, Janus would be so proud—and they leave but promise to be back the next day. He makes another joke about savoring the time while he can before their mom asks if the hospital's called his parents yet. He lies again. He manages to hold back the vomit until they've all vanished out the door.
He lies there half asleep, Skinny Love playing in his earbuds.
The doctor tells him that he’s only got a week at most, even though he knows how to fight this disease; he’s already lasted much longer than anyone ever anticipated. He says that he has medication, he has a treatment plan, but the crash did some damage that can't be corrected without surgery. And if they're performing a surgery on his chest, then they can't do it and leave the flowers there. The doctor asks for his emergency contacts. Virgil asks them not to tell his parents. It won't make a difference anyway. The doctor says they have to tell someone who can make medical decision for him, and he swallows his mouthful of blood and asks if there's any way they can speak to the on-campus doctor instead. The doctor leaves, promising to try, and Virgil buries his face in the pillow to cry.
He gets asked, once, what his favorite song is at the moment, and he says he doesn't know. When he walks home that night, listening to People Help the People, he thinks that maybe he's never had a singular favorite song.
Roman and Remus get back to campus and their parents fuss over them to no end. Patton and Logan and Janus all fret that they left Virgil in the hospital, they have to go back for him. They promise that he's alright, he's being looked after, that the hospital already called someone else for him. That's enough to soothe Logan and Janus, but not Patton.
Not Patton.
They all come back to the hospital the next day, distraught. Logan flies into his room as Virgil's throwing up more petals and he’s so angry, angry that Virgil kept this from them, angry he can’t do anything about it. Virgil says no, this isn’t your fault, you’re not responsible for my feelings, none of this is on you, I decided not to tell you. He never even intended for any of them to find out, actually, he never expected them to do anything about it.
The doctor tells them he’s been fighting it better than anyone they’ve ever seen, but he asked them not to call his parents. Roman and Remus's parents promptly ask why, and when Virgil stutters and stumbles over any explanation, their mom looks at him with tears in her eyes and asks if it's them, if they're the ones causing this pain.
He stifles a sob and Patton starts crying. Roman and Remus clutch each other and Janus has to leave the room. Logan just stares at him and then looks to the doctor and asks what they have to do to fix this.
The doctor tells them that he's extremely emotionally neglected, that he needs to have a very strong support network built up around him before there's any chance of a full recovery. He still needs some level of surgery to repair the damage done to his chest, but they'll try to be as careful as possible. Virgil's about to say that they don't have to be here for this, but the twins' dad comes and sits right next to him, taking his hand a giving it a squeeze. His friends come and crowd around his bed, promising they're gonna be right there with him while he tries to recover.
For the first time in a long time, the feeling doesn't make Virgil want to cough.
“I care a lot about people, in general," he shyly explains to the twins' parents when he's out of the hospital "but I have absolutely no idea how they work. None whatsoever. There are so many weird rules about how much you’re allowed to care about someone else and in all sorts of very specific ways that I don’t get. So I default to caring a lot very quickly. I don’t expect people to do it back, mostly because they seem to get the minutiae that I can’t see. I get scared because I’m always sure at some point they’re going to hate me for it. The more I care the more scared I am. But it’s not their burden to bear, it’s mine. Is…is that alright?”
“Oh, you poor boy, come here. You're an incredible son, an incredible person, any parent should be so proud to have you as their child.”
"And for those who can't, that's their loss. You're our kid now."
"We have another brother!' Remus whoops as his mom pulls Virgil in for a very gentle hug.
Virgil can't stop smiling through his tears, even as his chest feels like it's about to explode.
"In a good way, right?"
"Yeah, yeah. In…in a good way."