Work Text:
Chapter 1: Data Collection
It was Sunday. It was Sunday on a street somewhere in Britain, in a house which usually held two wizards and a tea cup pig but which would, in about an hour hold four wizards and the same tea cup pig. It was Sunday, and Evan Kelmp stepped out of the shower, set to a boiling hot temperature, because he would always relish a hot shower, and because he knew K would be stealing the rest of the hot water when Sam convinced them to shower.
Evan Kelmp put on a soft plain white v neck t shirt, boxers, and some sweatpants. He fiddled with his hair in the mirror it was growing out from its once buzz cut state and he'd gotten minor adjustments (mostly to not look like a porcupine) but he didn't know how to feel about it creeping back to the length it used to be. It wasn't even properly brushing his shoulders yet it was just starting to be tuck behind the ear able. This would be around the time he buzzed it again but magic was working and he lived with Sam now and maybe if he suffered through this awkward length he could have it long again. For now though, it was getting in his eyes when he was reading or playing Fortnite on his phone so something had to be done.
He looked at the bathroom counter. Sam had a bajillion and one things in the bathroom. She'd said he could try out whatever he wanted but that a lot of it was for Black hair so if it didn't make sense he should ask her and she'd tell her if it was even compatible with his hair or not. He had an athletic stretching headband- black elastic with a little anti slip texture, which was his go to. It camouflaged with his black hair it did exactly what it needed to do and nothing else, but he couldn't find that right now. His eyes landed on two hair clips (barrettes specifically but he didn't know this word). He'd seen Sam and K with these sorts before. K had one that was black with a Sanrio character on it which he at some point told Evan about. They bent open and snapped closed and they'd probably work in place of the headband for right now.
He put one on either side just above his temples and looked in the mirror. The white t shirt and pastel pink hair clips was... it looked like something, like a Look, like something put together, that someone tried for. But that person wasn't him. The exactly symmetrical barrettes were for a school girl who has a uniform or something along those lines. Evan grimaced in the mirror and tried putting them both on one side to solve this problem. That was marginally better this looked like something Sam would do, though she might have three or four in a gradient as a look for going on her talk show. If K did this ze'd have a whole line of them in alternating black and red and explain something about "scene-core" to whoever was closest to hir.
Evan liked the asymmetrically but still didn't like how it looked. The white t shirt and pastel pink combo still made his stomach queasy. He looked like Hello Kitty with her bow exactly to one side and the rest of her cartoon cat face exactly symmetrical. Maybe he should ditch the middle part that was making everything seem too perfect. He combed his hair then found one of Sam's combs that had a long thin point at the end of the handle. He'd seen her do this sort of parting thing before and he'd seen K part it's hair in a ghastly zigzag pattern which she swore was a trendy blast from the past of the early 2000s, point being he was pretty sure this would work fine on his hair. He made the part the same straight line just a handful of centimeters off center and then re-combed his hair and honestly? It looked reasonable. The long side had a natural swoop to it and the short side was still just long enough that it stayed neatly tucked behind his ear. He put the two clips on the longer side and it was strange- too pinned down. He switched them to the shorter side and, that was a Look, it looked intentional, and it looked like Evan, it looked like something he would do that he would try that he would like that he would be okay with showing to Sam to ask her stylistic opinion. This wasn't him being dumb this was his current experiments findings that he would show Sam over a quiet dinner and-
"Yoo Sam what's good, what's good? Hey T2, what's up little man! Yeah uhhh I saw K when I was flying but y'know my wings were locked so I could get optimal speeds. She'll probably be here in a little bit I guess. Hey, is Evan around?"
Shit shit shit shit shit. Evan double checked that the bathroom door was locked and took deep panicked breaths. How could he have forgotten, of course Jammer was here it was Sunday. And K would be here any minute according to Jammer's naturally projecting voice. Evan debated waiting for K to show up because then if Jammer hated him K and Sam could back him up. But he knew that wouldnt be how it happened. Sam and K would be extra extra nice and Jammer would follow along and then it'd be just like the lulling all over again. He huffed, determined, and grabbed the handle of the bathroom door, opened it, and headed into the living room. He was going to show his face to Jammer before K got here to see his real impression. To see if Jammer would... notice... or not notice... he didn't know which he wanted he felt like he wanted neither, which would end up a disappointment either way. But either of those disappointments wouldn't be as bad as only getting the Jammer that copied Sam and K's reactions.
"Hey, hi, I'm here, sorry, shower, uh-" Evan stumbled over his words glancing everywhere but Jammer.
"Evan my man! Uh Sam said she's getting the barbecue out. and I saw K on her broom over the Atlantic but idk when they'll actually get here."
"Cool cool cool" Evan nodded and opted for looking at Jammer's wings instead of his face.
"It's good to see you man, you look good."
Evan's eyes flashed to Jammer's face at this. He had his weight shifted onto one foot and was looking at Evan like- yeah he was definitely clocking the hair clips.
"Hey I've been meaning to show you something, c'mere,"
Shit shit shit shit Jammer better not have some surprise gender bullshit up his sleeve too...
"They released a bunch of new skins for Fortnite!"
Oh ok, it was ok it was Jammer, it was real true Jammer without anyone else around. And he'd said Evan looked good and then started pulling up Fortnite on his phone.
"They got Hatsune Miku in fortnight now how crazy is that. I looked her up to see like what anime she's from but she's a musician? They got fictional musicians now man the world is crazy."
Evan pulled out his phone too and he and Jammer looked through Fortnite skins together. And it was almost like- it was almost like no matter what appearance he picked on the outside, Jammer always knew he was Evan, talked to him as the real Evan, not some trope, not someone to pity, just Evan.