Chapter Text
"Hey K?" Evan asks. They're in their shared dormitory, Evan on his bed hypothetically reading a book and K at their desk on their computer.
"Hey whats up?" K turns and looks at him,
"I- never mind its nothing,"
"Evan, you told me when we went to sleep last night after the whole 'Fuck Tod' thing that you wanted to tell me something in the morning," It had been a long cold winter night after a long cold harrowing fight, but in the end they were all safe.
"I don't know... I just literally don't have any idea. So I don't know what to say,"
"Evan I'm worried, what is this about?" K asks cautiously, they know this look this blank look and monotone voice and sometimes it means very concerning things.
"Fuck right sorry without context I'm probably scaring you. Absence yields imaginations worst right? haha um... It's really nothing ok? Its really stupid I just- the scrunchie thing was dumb and-" Evan's throat closed up,
"It wasn't dumb Evan," K
"Yes it was K."
"Evan its ok to experiment you don't have to wear what people expect you to or like only what you can find."
"It's not that. I was dumb."
"You're not," K got up and sat next to him,
"I was experimenting, yes, but i don't have the first idea what to do. So yes, I was dumb." Evan kept talking before K could butt in again, "Because the scientific method starts with a hypothesis which is an educated guess. I did not make an educated guess. It was a shot in the dark and I missed, big time. You saw that no one liked it."
"Look," K said slowly, "I know what its like to be expressing yourself and no one liking it. and I promise that what they say does not change what you think is good."
"But K, I don't think it was good either. I was just trying uh, anything else. And that's what I found at the gas station. And I couldn't really see, even though there's a mirror, so i just did it in front of the mirror, but then it was really far forward, but I've never seen boys have their hair any special ways, and so i just left it like that, and it would kinda get loose during class, and it makes me look like Cindy Loo Hoo and-"
"Ohhh its ok baby, you've just never done it before,"
"That's what I was trying to tell you." Evan groaned, "That's why I'm dumb. Being dumb is not knowing things and I don't know the first thing about this but I know I-" He could say it, he could say it to K, "I want to try."
"Yeah yeah of course hey look, I may be a princeps of gender fuckery," they smirked and got Evan to break into a reserved smile, "But I'm not great on the whole hair thing. Cuz I'd rather it down than up so let's talk to-"
"Noooo," Evan whined with urgency and covered his face with his hands contracting into a ball of embarrassment, "I don't want to ask Sam,"
"Sam isn't gonna be weird about it," K rubbed his shoulder,
"But I'll be weird about it, and that will make everything weird."
"You know, Sam is the one who helped me with my haircut after the whole 'disney princess glitter bomb' debacle that first time."
"Oh! Huh, yeah, why did I just, never think of that. I guess I thought you magicked it?"
"She did cut my hair, but what I meant is the deciding part."
"Ohh..." Evan went quiet for a bit. He felt like a mess and he felt the shadows beginning to berate him, he was very still but hyper ventilating. He was angry at himself he felt like a hopeless mess. No he wasn't a mess and he wasn't clueless, he wasn't a bumbling dumb guy with a stupid one off whim, K had done at least four different pronoun set changes and base outfit changes only within the time he'd known them, and he had no idea what had ever gone through their head before then, this didn't have to be perfect the first time. He wasn't a mess as much as anyone else could be. He wasn't the worst at just being a human around other humans. (Even if he was literally never socialized, his shadow added helpfully.)
"Hey, you there?" K gently reached out their hand to Evan's and he immediately gripped it tight. "Whoah hey,"
"Hi. I think. I think we should ask sam for help. You have to come with me though."
"Yeah of course," K nodded
"Because if she helped you then- then," Then maybe I can grow in the ways I've seen you grow where I loved you each time you branched out and took a chance on yourself, and any amount of loving myself more I'll take. And even if it's all for nothing it'll be Sam, she's okay she's safe. "It'll be Sam and she, yeah, she's my best friend, I love you both."