Chapter Text
"Extra large caramel mocha frappuccino with seven pumps of caramel, eight pumps of mocha, and ten extra sugars, no ice."
"I am not making this."
Sonic shrugged, leaning against the counter as the other stared down at the order, glaring into the paper like if he thought hard enough it would explode.
"Hey, I'm not the one who ordered it," (he was), "so stop complainin' and start makin'."
"No, I mean," Shadow sighed, the edges of the receipt crumpling in his fist, "I physically cannot make this without ice, and because of this stupid online order service, I can't yell at the fool who ordered an ice smoothie without ice!"
"Figure it out, coffee boy. Three minutes or less, remember?"
"Three minutes or less must be how fast you—"
"Two minutes and thirty seconds, now!" Tapping his foot to add pressure, Sonic had to hide his mouth behind his glove to stop from smiling as Shadow sighed again, pulling out the blender for an ice-less ice drink. When the whirring stopped, he was left with orange-ish brown-ish milk that looked vaguely coffee colored and had the consistency of tar.
"I hope this kills whoever drinks it." Shadow muttered under his breath, holding the cup out to Sonic like it might explode. "You have... ten seconds. Nine, eight, seven..."
In a blur of light, the drink was out of his hand and out of sight.
"Already done!"
Shadow didn't need to know that the drink in question was deposited in the dumpster behind the Meh Burger, just like he didn't need to know Sonic was ordering increasingly worse combinations just to fuck with him. It was clear Sonic's success made Shadow's day worse, and a few dollars down the drain was worth the anguish it caused the other hedgehog.
"Oh, would you look at that, last one for the day." Clapping his hands together, Sonic turned on his heel and poised to run home, waving one hand back as he flashed a big smile. "See you bright and early tomorrow! Or, wait, no I won't. I get to choose my own hours."
Shadow, who still had about an hour's worth of cleaning left to close down the coffee shop, glared at the receding silhouette as it dashed off towards the beach.
The coffee table shook as Amy slammed her newspaper onto it, breaking Sonic's concentration just long enough for Knuckles to surpass him in the video game they were playing.
"Woo! High score!"
Tails seemed just as happy that Knuckles had knocked him out of first place, laughing while the echidna did some weird victory dance. He would have argued for a rematch, but Amy was demanding his attention.
"Ignore them, look at this! Eggman Industries just bought out two major fast-food chains!"
Knuckles had started spinning Tails around by the tails, and this was much more interesting than whatever Amy was talking about. "And this concerns us because....?"
"He now owns Meh Burger and Galaxy Coffee!"
"Oh, wow, maybe they'll start serving actual food."
"Not the point!" She flipped over the newspaper, shoving the story into his face. "The point is Eggman's up to something, and it's up to us to stop him!"
"Can the village ever save itself?" Sonic groaned, sinking down into the couch cushions. Knuckles and Tails were still blissfully unaware of the plans being plotted with their names on the cover, Sticks listening intensely to Amy's tirade. "Look, if Eggman wants to buy the only food chain on this island, what's the worst he can do? Upcharge for fake milk? Oh, wait, they already do that."
Sticks crossed her arms, evidently understanding Amy's side more than Sonic's. "It's the perfect plot. He buys out the food supply, replaces the workers with his lackeys. He's already planted one of his alien clones in the coffee shop—"
"Shadow's not in it to help Egghead, he's doing it to eat the espresso beans when he thinks no one's looking."
Amy looked incredulous at this revelation, and maybe a little jealous. "He told you that?"
"No, but every time he thinks no one can see him he sneaks a handful of raw beans out of the bag. I try to time my orders so I pull up right when he's unable to talk, cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk. It's hilarious."
"Doesn't mean he's not working with Eggman." Amy muttered, crossing her arms and looking away. "I think we should be more careful about inciting his anger. What was your plan when he finally found out you were the one messing with him?"
"What I always do. Run."
"Solid." Amy's sarcasm was brutal. "Sonic, I think you should get a real job."
"I do freelance delivery in exchange for goods and/or services, that is a real job!"
Tails chose that moment to interrupt his way into the conversation. "You don't get paid regularly, so I wouldn't say it's a job by definition."
"What am I supposed to do with money?"
"Pay your taxes?"
"I haven't paid taxes in years."
Amy's claws were leaving indents in the couch. "We'll discuss that later."
"Look, I don't need a 'real' job, it would get in the way of all the hero-ing and... stuff. We saw how well that worked out with Knuckles."
Knuckles, who was not paying attention, cheered at a 'level cleared!' screen on the TV.
"Are you purposefully missing the point or are you just that stupid?" Amy asked, rather sweetly, her eye twitching like she was about snap. "If you get a full time job, you'll be able to keep an eye on what Eggman's doing as it happens. He's sure to tell his employees before he tells his customers."
"An inside job, I like it!" Sticks was out of her seat now, practically bouncing up and down. "Why does Sonic have to be our spy?"
The paper was flipped open to the last page, large lettering strewn across the top. "Eggman is hiring delivery drivers."
"This sounds like a set-up." Sonic muttered, skimming through the bland 'help wanted' ad. Generic qualifications, no mention of hourly wage, overuse of exclamation points and happy-go-lucky language. "No way is Meh Burger & co a 'friendly work environment that treats its employees like family."
"Once again, missing the point."
"Fine." As he sank down in his seat with a drawn out whine, tossing the paper over his eyes, Sonic sighed overdramatically. "I'll go and interview tomorrow I guess."
It was a bad idea. A bad, boring idea that was made to humiliate him personally. He didn't know what he had done to piss Amy off, but he sure had hit all her buttons this time.
She made him wear his suit jacket, which seemed excessive, considering it was Meh Burger he was interviewing for. 'You should make a good first impression!', as if he hadn't made about a thousand other impressions, none of them good. 'You never know who will be there!'
As he predicted, no one, because it was 7 o'clock in the damn morning, and no one wanted greasy "food" or soggy fries before noon. No one was even at the coffee shop across the street, and he could see Shadow behind the register scrolling on his phone. He looked incredibly silly in his little green apron and hat, a sight that usually brought a smile to his face.
Usually.
Now, Sonic was slumped forward in a chair waiting his turn, the two other applicants with much more eager to appease. Tails, who had come along for emotional support, turned out to be a mistake.
"You look... bad."
Sonic just groaned, rubbing the bags under his eyes.
"Amy was right, this plan will never work."
"Now you say so." In his head, he was back in his hut, curled in his hammock and dreaming peacefully. "Couldn't have voiced your doubts before making me get up at the crack of dawn?"
"You could run across the street for a coffee to wake you up?"
"I don't know, every time I have coffee it doesn't really work. Just sort of makes me tired."
"Interesting..." Tails muttered like he was already planning what experiments to subject him to, and Sonic quickly changed the subject.
"Look, I'm giving it five before I ditch. It's not worth it."
He wasn't sure how many had gone before him, but he was told by one of Eggman's hench-bots to wait. It couldn't have been more than fifteen more minutes before the yellow cube floated back out, but it felt like ages. Both Sonic and Tails perked up.
"Sanic the hedgehog? Is there a Sanic the—"
"It's SOnic, c'mon Cubot, you know me."
"Oh! Sonic!" Looking down at a clipboard, the robot scanned the page. "You're here for the job? Okay!"
As Sonic followed him behind the counter, Tails flashed him a thumbs up. He weakly returned the gesture.
He was led into a breakroom that couldn't have been more than a storage closet at one point, a tiny table with three chairs around it. Two were full, and as Cubot led him inside, Sonic's quills stood on end.
"Eggman! I don't know what you're planning, but we'll stop you!"
Completely ignoring the outburst, Eggman shuffled through some paperwork, handing one off the intern sitting next to him. "That's nice Sanic. Are you here for the job or not?"
"Why do people keep calling me that?"
"You spelled your name wrong on your paperwork. Not a good first impression, but maybe you'll make it up."
Glaring as he sank into the chair opposite them both, Sonic crossed his arms and leaned back. He wasn't going to let them intimidate him.
"Now. You're applying for a job with Eggman Food Service Industries, I see. Highly completive, and your résumé isn't very compelling. Can you explain this fifteen year gap?"
".... I was a child?"
"Excuses. Your only other position was 'freelance hero work', and you didn't include any references. I don't see an education, either, now that I'm looking..."
"Hey! I have four references, and I can get, like, ten more."
"Your friends don't count." Eggman set the paper down on the table and put his palms together, unaffected by the glare Sonic refused to break. "That being said, Dan and I are here to ask you some questions. Should your answers be satisfactory, we may consider offering you the position. Are you ready to begin?"
"It's Dave." The purple... hamster? beside him whined, glancing down at his notecards. "Okay, question one.... how would you respond to a customer who's upset that we're out of fries?"
"I'd tell them to wait while we'll make more—is this really necessary for the position?"
"Okay, and if someone was complaining about the lack of choices on our menu, what would you say?"
"It's not like they can go somewhere else, suck it up and order the burger."
"Hmm." Eggman scribbled something on his paper he couldn't see. "I think I've heard enough."
Sonic was ready to escape before it got bad, but a pen and paper were pushed across the table before he could stand up again.
"We've decided to offer you a position with Eggman Industries."
"What?"
"I'm not hiring you as a delivery driver."
"What?!"
"We don't need delivery boys anymore, I have perfectly capable minions who are twice as fast."
A faint "ow" was heard from outside the break room, distinctly robotic.
"..."
"What we do need is someone else to work opening shifts at Galaxy Coffee."
"The coffee shop?" Sonic almost laughed, looking down at the contract he was being asked to sign. "Really?"
"There's only one employee there now, and he's been complaining about having to open and close by himself."
Sonic stared at the details, amount of hours he could work per week and dress code and all that, but didn't really read it. If he wanted the plan to work, he'd have to work at Galaxy Coffee.
With Shadow.
Eggman kept rambling on, though Sonic was barely paying attention. "Benefits are the usual things, union busting, slave labor, free music streaming services for employees who work more than 40 hours a week."
"Aw, I'm only scheduled at 39 and a half."
"Those benefits sound more for you than for me." Sonic mumbled, skimming the paper he was about to sign. It didn't have any outrageous clauses, but knowing Eggman, it was more than just an agreement to show up on time or get fired. He didn't notice anything nefarious, and carefully signed his name on the line.
"Wonderful! You start training tomorrow morning. You won't be getting paid for the first twelve hours, of course, which is perfectly legal through a loophole most don't know about."
"Fine." He grunted out, sliding the paper back. Galaxy Coffee, with Shadow. Anything to stop an evil plot, right? For the good of the village?
When Sonic met back up with Tails, the fox ecstatic that things were going well, he couldn't say the same.
"Eggman better be trying to end the damn universe."