Work Text:
Hi my name is Thomas Jacopo Baldassare Cardinal Lomeli Lawrence and I have short graying hair and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a beaky nose like an elderly moulting bird. A lot of people tell me I look like Giovanni Battista Re (AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Ralph Fiennes but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm British but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a Catholic, and I work at the College of Cardinals in Vatican City where I'm the dean (I'm seventy-five). I'm a cardinal (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly vestments. I love Gammarelli's and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a red cassock, a red fascia, a white rochet, and a red mozzetta. I was wearing a red zucchetto and biretta and a pectoral cross on a chain. I was walking inside the Sistine Chapel. All the windows were boarded up and blocked so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.
A lot of cardinals stared at me.
I waved my ballot at them.