Work Text:
“Who did this to you?”
Hanako didn’t say anything, just shuffled further away. He wasn’t in the mood to put up a front.
“No one.”
“Uh huh.” Tsuchigomori didn’t believe him. It was obvious that he didn’t. But it didn’t matter. Hanako had nothing to prove to the elder. Not anymore. Not like he ever did.
He was no longer his teacher. Tsuchigomori had to realize that. What Hanako couldn’t figure out was why he was still trying despite that. Tsuchigomori’s figure bent at an odd angle to try and look at the small spirit that had tucked himself away in one of the lower book shelves. Books stacked and pushed to the floor in order to make room enough for him to hide.
“Will you come out of there?”
Hanako shook his head stubbornly no, not that he was sure that his teacher could even see him. He just wanted to hide away here and then go… home… huh.
He was no child in distress, not anymore and he never was, though the teacher might disagree. Hours spent in classrooms to avoid being hurt further. ‘Babysitting’ as the time he spent with his teacher had so jokingly been called before.
Tsuchigomori didn’t care about him. Didn’t care about any of his students really. He was not human, not capable of warmth and compassion and kindness. What he was capable of was manipulations. Years and years of practice, far longer than Hanako had under his belt. To twist the minds of those younger into believing that their biology teacher cared for them more than he was capable of doing.
Hanako knew this, had to remind himself of this when his instinct was to latch on and cling to the other the moment he was offered a sliver of warmth, no matter how falsified.
He did the same thing himself after all. It’s what brought him to this very moment. The reason why he could never keep anything nice, could never do anything besides grant the wishes of those foolish enough to seek him.
And the kids that tried to stick around? The ones dumb enough to call him a friend…to want to get to know him… to fall in love with him…?
He felt sick. Sick in a way no spirit should feel. Scratching at his wrists until they bled, watching as everything around him changed and yet he couldn’t. Forever that naive child. He was never allowed to keep anything good, was he?
Well, it was stupid to want something.
Sickening, to be remorseful when Kou cried over the death of an already dead being. Disgusting, to swear that his heart leaped out of his chest every time he saw Nene in danger. Stupid, to feel anything besides relief when Nene and Kou started dating.
It’s all the reasons why he shouldn’t feel so small now. None of it was real, it had never been real. Why should he be upset over something he knew from the beginning?
Tucked away in a little nook within the boundaries of another supernatural wasn’t helping. It’s not as though he needed protecting or anything. Not as though anything or anyone could harm him past himself. He couldn’t bring himself to leave either…
“Hanako,” A hand reached out toward him and the boy didn’t even register who it was.
“Don’t touch me!” Hanako snarled like a caged animal, fingers digging into his uniform sleeve and drawing more blood.
It wasn’t right to see Tsuchigomori as a supernatural, not when Hanako’s mind betrayed him to thinking that he himself was still alive. Trying to think of how he looked human only made Hanako retreat further. It was worse to pretend that he could have something that he couldn’t.
This was not his teacher looking at him, Hanako had to remind himself. The concern was there sure, twisted and morphed to hit just right, to almost make him want to spill everything to the older spirit.
“You’re bleeding.” Not a question, just a blank statement. A funny thing really. Ghost couldn’t bleed in a physical sense. Couldn’t feel regular pain unless it was inflicted upon them by a great power. Tsuchigomori had to know the truth.
Instead of stating the obvious, that he had been hurting himself once again, Tsuchigomori only tilted his head to the side. “Who hurt you?”
He hated that question. Hated that he knew the answer to it all the more.
Everyone.
And no one.
Himself mostly.
It was Kou’s fault for asking him first if it was alright if he went out with Nene, as though the ghost could have done anything other than pout and shrug and say something hateful. “I wouldn’t go out with a girl who looked like a radish anyways, you have strange taste kid.” He didn’t mean it, and Nene was crying, and neither had spoken to him in days and-
Tsuchigomori sighed, turning in what Hanako thought was the elder finally leaving him alone. He was of course wrong, because he never got his way.
Instead, the supernatural sat, pulling a book off one of the shelves and seemed to start reading. Completely ignoring the younger boy and absorbed in a book.
Hanako huffed, curling back in on himself, angry without knowing why. This is what he wanted. To be left alone. Only he wasn’t alone, and very aware of it. Pages turning, soft hums, the rustle of fabric…
.
.
.
“Why won’t you just leave?” Hanako snapped, voice cracking where he meant it to be harsh and demanding.
“Because you’re in my domain.”
“So?!”
“I can be wherever I want to be brat.”
Fair enough. He should be the one to leave.
But his legs felt like lead. How had he even gotten here when moving felt like such a chore?
Hanako turned back around. Whatever…
.
.
.
“What are you reading?”
“The history of-”
“You know what, never mind. It sounds boring.”
“I didn’t even read the title to you kid…”
.
.
.
Hanako doesn’t bother speaking again, letting the elder’s words wash over him before the two are lapsed back into silence. He doesn’t know how long it lasts. Only that he’s tired and his brain is tricking him into feel safe enough to get lost within his own thoughts. Safe enough to not fight so hard to be present.
He could fall asleep like this. He doesn’t, he shouldn’t and doesn’t think it’s possible for him to anymore. Could fall further into that warm feeling in his mind, but doing so would be like admitting that he wasn’t fully aware of just how old he was and where he was currently.
And so he drifts, mind wandering to sometime far too long ago.
When he was offered a different question he could not answer.
Back when he was alive, with fresh wrapped bandages and little stickers to cover them. The teacher’s way to try and get him to smile. Then when he was offered then paper forms and half-finished signatures.
He read the front page, had to stop and stare, rub at his eyes to stop the tears that threated to spill and fall. His vision was blurry, he had to have been seeing things.
“I’d like to adopt you,” his teacher had said then, the only time Hanako could remember him looking nervous about an answer Amane would or would not give. “If you would like, I would like to become your legal guardian. Would you like to be my son?”
It didn't make sense. Not then, and still not now. Why anyone would look at a boy like him and think 'yes, that's what I'm missing from my life.' Hanako was asked far too late, a date set in his mind for when the end was going to be. Did Tsuigomori know that back then? That there was no hope in saving a boy like him?
The elder must have.
Is that the reason why he kept coming back? When he felt hurt and small and scared about the world around them. As though he could hide away. As though he was a kid, trying to find safety in their father’s arms? Like the students he had seen, running back to their parents after the first day of classes.
He shouldn’t long for such a thing.
After all, he was never asked again as a ghost. Not even a simple ‘why?’ to as his lack of response when he wanted nothing more than to pretend, that even for a moment he could have had a better life.
It’s not as though Hanako ever had the courage to ask if that offer still stayed now that he really had no parents and yet still felt no older than 12.
There would be no need to. He was no child. Why the ghost was stuck on that moment now he wasn’t sure.
Foolish.
Everything was so stupid.
.
.
.
He lifts his eyes to look over at Tsuchigomori. He still had not left.
He should have said yes.
“Do- do you hate me?”
“For what?”
“Because I never… never…” Never what? Never told him the truth? Never answered? Never said yes?
Was it more than that? The fact that he killed himself? Still repeats the same terrible habits he had when he was alive? Never asks for help to get better? Kept taking up space even now when his life should be over? Pushes everyone away and ruins everything he touches-
“Never. I could never hate you.”
“Oh.” Hanako’s face feels sticky and he wipes at it. His hand comes away wet with tears.
He’s crying…
He's crying and he can't stop. Tears and snot pooling down his face as he hiccups, crying over a positive answer he shouldn’t be so concerned over. Tuchigomori doesn't stare, doesn't even look to him as he breaks. He doesn't know if he's grateful for that or not.
When he finally gains control over himself there’s a small stuffed animal sitting on the shelf. He hadn’t noticed when Tsuchigomori placed it there.
“You okay kid?”
The ghost whines. He’s not okay at all. He choices instead to stare at the plush. It looks like something Nene might own, a small bunny rabbit with a small bow tied around its neck.
Hanako sniffles, reaches to grab the toy. In order to do so he’s had to come out of his hidey hole.
It’s an obvious trap one that realizes on a very precarious mental state in order to work.
“There you are.”
Tsuchigomori is studying him, gaze filled with something Hanako can’t replace. Fondness? Care? Worry?
He looks back towards his book a moment later, as though Hanako is some skitsh creature about to be scared off.
Or maybe he’s imagining it all.
“Better now? Do you need anything?”
“Umm…” It was an odd request so he didn’t ask. “D-” Hanako’s voice cracks and he chokes back on another sob. He wants to be done crying- he’s so sick of crying- “Dad?”
He hears the book Tsuchigomori was reading snap shut.
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid-
“Yes, my boy?”
He can’t think of anything he wanted to say. Instead he tucks the rabbit plush under his arm, and simply held out his other towards the elder, pretending like he wouldn’t fall apart if his silent request was denied.
“What? You want me to carry you?”
The boy nodded.
Tsuchigomori sighed and just when Hanako was sure he would say no, “Fine.”
The one bad thing about being carried is he has no say in where they go. Heading deeper into the 4pm bookstacks. Hanako clings to Tsuchigomori when he tries to place him down, knowing very well what the elder wants to do.
“Kid, those are going to get infected.”
“Are not! Can’t possibly, ‘m already dead.” He thinks he makes a very good point.
Tsuchigomori makes a better one. “I don’t care- get off!”
In the end his fight is in vain, practically pried off like a barnacle, and his arms bandaged.
He feels like he’s 12 again, or maybe younger, not that it fits to when he met Tsuchigomori. But there’s something soft in the elder’s gaze that keeps him quiet and content enough not to put up a fight enough to leave.
“I think your friend left that last time she was here.” The supernatural says, gesturing with an extra hand to the stuffed animal that sits now in Hanako’s lap. “You should return it to her.”
He pulls away from where his teacher is treating his wounds, hugging the stuffed animal close.
“Maybe later.” If Nene will even want to speak with him. If he hasn’t ruined everything…
“Alright then.”
He scratches at the bandages once their done, expecting Tsuchigomori to scold him. He doesn’t.
“Stay here for the night. Or for as long as you need. I don’t mind.” Tsuchigomori says, putting away the medical supplies.
“Even after all the times you’ve tried to kick me out?” Hanako asks trying to lighten the mood a little.
“I’m serious. I’m worried about you just…”
Hanako fiddles the stuffed animal he’s holding, it’s actually quite nice, maybe he should try and get his hands on one of his own…
“Are you doing okay kid?”
No. He’s not, and hasn’t been for a while if he’s honest.
“Stupid question, obviously you’re not-”
“Can I have a hug?” The ghost boy interrupts the elder’s monologuing.
“...Sure.”
It ends as less of a simple hug and more like Hanako being held again. He doesn’t care. For once he feels safe. Simply resting in the other’s hold.
This might be the one question he is able to answer honestly.
“I think I will be.”