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Kokichi Ouma yawned dramatically, stretching his arms as he descended the creaky staircase of 12 Grimmauld Place. “Ugh, Kaito, why does this house look like it came out of one of those Muggle horror films you made me watch last summer?” he whined, his voice carrying through the quiet, dimly lit hallway.
Kaito Momota rolled his eyes but didn’t break stride. “It’s an old house, Kokichi. Deal with it. Sirius didn’t have to let us stay. Besides, aren’t you the ‘Supreme Slytherin of Evil’? I thought places like this would be right up your alley as an evil lair.”
Kokichi smirked, bounding down the last few steps and spinning to face Kaito. “I’m evil, not tacky. If I ruled the wizarding world, everyone would live in glittering palaces with Inferi butlers. Not…” He gestured vaguely to the peeling wallpaper and gloomy decor. “…this.”
The pair made their way to the kitchen, the rich smell of coffee and toast wafting through the air. Plates and utensils were neatly arranged on the long wooden table, though no one else seemed to be awake yet.
Kokichi slid into a chair, propping his chin on his hands as he watched Kaito grab a plate. “Do you think anyone here will actually miss us if we escape this depressing house?” Kokichi asked, his eyes glinting with mischief.
“Don’t start,” Kaito warned, loading his plate with magically warmed eggs and toast. “We’re here to recuperate after the battle. And besides, you’d get lost before you even made it out of London.”
Kokichi gasped, clutching his chest like Kaito’s words had wounded him. “How dare you underestimate my brilliance! I could—” He stopped mid-sentence as the sound of footsteps echoed down the stairs. His grin widened. “Ohhh, someone’s finally joining us. Let’s make this morning a little more interesting, shall we?”
Kokichi looked at the door intently and soon enough Sirius Black, hair dishevelled, and wand tucked lazily behind his ear, strode into the kitchen with a smirk that made him look ten years younger. Behind him, Remus Lupin followed, his usual calm demeanour offset slightly by the faint red mark peeking out from under his collar.
“Good morning, scary man Sirius and Professor Lupin,” Kokichi chirped, rocking precariously back and forth on his chair. His grin was as sharp as ever, eyes gleaming with mischief as he zeroed in on the pair.
Sirius raised an eyebrow, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Scary man? I’ve been called worse,” he replied, taking a sip. “Though I have to wonder what makes me scary to you, little mastermind.”
“Oh, it’s the whole ‘escaped convict with a tragic past’ vibe,” Kokichi said, waving a hand dismissively. “But don’t worry, it’s cool scary. Like a misunderstood antihero.”
Kaito groaned, his fork clattering against his plate. “Kokichi, don’t start. Let them have breakfast in peace.”
But Kokichi was already leaning forward, his attention fixed on Remus. “Speaking of peace, Professor Lupin, what’s that mark on your neck? Did you get attacked by a vampire last night?” His voice was innocent, but the sly grin betrayed him.
Remus froze mid-step, his hand instinctively rising to his collar. “I—what?”
Sirius nearly choked on his coffee, sputtering into the cup as his free hand slapped the table. “Merlin’s beard, Kokichi!”
Kokichi tilted his head, feigning wide-eyed curiosity. “What? I’m just concerned about Professor Lupin’s health. Isn’t it my duty to care about my elders?”
When he got no response, the Slytherin squinted and more tears appeared, his voice trembling. “A-are you sick, Professor Lupin?”
Remus blinked, caught off guard. “No, Kokichi, I’m not sick—”
Before he could finish, Kokichi gasped loudly, tears spilling down his cheeks as he stood abruptly, his chair screeching against the floor. “Oh no! You’re dying, aren’t you?!” he cried, clutching his chest like his heart was breaking.
Sirius, who had been lazily sipping his coffee, nearly dropped the mug in alarm. “What? No! He’s not dying!” he said hurriedly, his voice rising in panic as he glanced between Kokichi and Remus. “Calm down, kid! It’s not like that!”
Kokichi sniffled, wiping at his fake tears with his sleeve as he gave Sirius a trembling, wide-eyed look. “B-but there’s a mark on his neck! Isn’t that what happens when someone’s really sick? Or cursed? Or—or—poisoned?”
Kaito sighed heavily, already rubbing his temples as he muttered under his breath, “Here we go.” To Kokichi’s delight, neither of the adults heard what the younger Gryffindor said.
Sirius abandoned his coffee entirely, waving his hands in a desperate attempt to diffuse the situation. “It’s not a curse, or poison, or anything bad!” he blurted, his words tumbling over each other. “It’s just—look, it’s a harmless… um… thing! Nothing to worry about!”
Remus, watching from his plate, shook his head with a groan. “Oh, for crying out loud, Sirius, just tell him—”
“No!” Sirius interjected sharply, shooting his newly rekindled lover a warning look before turning to Kokichi. “It’s nothing to worry about, Kokichi. Professor Lupin is perfectly fine.”
But Kokichi didn’t let up the charade and allowed His lip to quiver and pointed dramatically at the mark on Remus’s neck. “Then what is it?!”
Sirius looked like a deer caught in headlights. “Uh—it’s—it’s a mosquito bite!” he blurted out, voice cracking slightly.
“A mosquito bite?!” Kokichi repeated, his tears vanishing instantly as he stared at Sirius with suspiciously wide eyes. “Inside the house?”
Sirius froze. “Er… magic mosquito?”
Kokichi gasped, his tears vanishing as quickly as they had appeared, replaced by a look of exaggerated horror. “A magic mosquito with poisonous bites?!” he exclaimed, throwing his arms into the air. “Oh no, Professor Lupin! Is there an antidote? Are we all in danger?!”
Sirius visibly paled, realizing his mistake. “No, no, not poisonous! It’s—it’s just—” He stumbled over his words, his usual cool demeanour completely shattered. “It’s not that kind of mosquito! It’s, um, harmless! Totally harmless!”
Kokichi leaned forward, looking up with Sirius with his best attempt at innocent eyes. He didn’t think he would get this far, expecting Professor Lupin, and Kaito to put an end to his usual games far more quickly. “Hmm, if it’s harmless, then why do you look so panicked, scary man Sirius?”
Remus let out a long, tired sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Kokichi, it’s not a mosquito bite, and it’s not poisonous. It’s just—”
“No, no, let Sirius explain,” Kokichi interrupted, his eyes gleaming with mischief. “I’m sure he has a fascinating story about this magical mosquito.”
Sirius opened his mouth, but no words came out. He glanced helplessly at Remus, who simply raised an eyebrow at him.
“Er… right,” Sirius finally muttered, clearing his throat and trying to regain his composure. “Well, Kokichi, you see, sometimes people… uh… get marks on their neck for completely normal reasons that have nothing to do with mosquitos or poison.”
Kokichi tilted his head, feigning confusion. “Normal reasons? Like what?”
Sirius’s face flushed slightly as he stumbled for an answer. “Uh, like… bumping into things…”
Kokichi gasped again, a genuine sounding rasp of surprise to his voice. “Oh no, Professor Lupin, are you so clumsy that you’re walking into things neck-first now?!”
Sirius groaned internally, realizing there was no escaping Kokichi’s relentless questioning. In a last-ditch effort to salvage the situation, he leaned across the table, grabbing Kokichi’s hands in his. His expression turned unexpectedly earnest, though his tone wavered between exasperation and awkwardness.
“Kokichi,” Sirius began, looking him straight in the eyes. “When two people love each other very much…”
Remus choked on his tea, setting the cup down quickly as he turned a sharp glare at Sirius. “Sirius—don’t—”
But Kokichi’s eyes lit up, and his mischievous grin widened. “Oooh, this is getting interesting!” he said, leaning in closer. “Go on, scary man Sirius. I’m listening!”
Sirius faltered, realizing he had trapped himself. “Er, well… sometimes, when they’re, uh… very close to each other, they… express that love in ways that might leave… marks.”
Kokichi gasped dramatically, pulling his hands back and clutching his chest as though Sirius had just revealed the secrets of the universe. “Marks?! Like battle scars?!”
From the corner of his eye, Kokichi spied Kaito gazing intently at him, equipped with a most deliciously deadpanned expression.
Sirius ran a hand down his face, utterly defeated. “Not exactly, no.”
Remus, clearly fed up, stood and grabbed the teapot. “I’m making more tea,” he muttered.
Kokichi, however, wasn’t done. “So, you’re saying Professor Lupin got this mark because someone loves him?” He batted his eyelashes, feigning innocence. “Aww, how romantic! Who could it be, I wonder?”
Sirius groaned. “Right, I think that’s enough breakfast talk for today—”
Kokichi's grin grew wider as he dramatically flopped back in his chair, crossing his arms. “Noooo! You have to tell me, scary man Sirius,” he whined, his voice high-pitched as he dramatically pouted. “I’m dying of curiosity over here!”
Sirius looked like he was about to burst into flames from the intensity of the awkwardness he was feeling. “Kokichi, I really don’t think—”
But Kokichi wasn’t having any of it. “Come on! If you really want me to stop pestering you, you’ve got to tell me who the lucky person is! I won’t tell anyone, promise! I’m a master of secrets!” He gave a dramatic wink, fully enjoying the chaos he was creating.
Sirius rubbed his temples in frustration, looking helplessly at Remus, who had begun to pour himself another cup of tea, clearly trying to avoid getting pulled into this.
“You don’t have to tell him, Sirius,” Remus said quietly, the corners of his mouth twitching in an attempt to suppress a smile.
But Sirius was already defeated, his shoulders slumping in resignation. “It’s me, okay? I’m the one who… uh… left the mark.”
Kokichi’s eyes widened, and his mouth fell open in exaggerated shock. “Scary man Sirius? You?!” he exclaimed, his voice dripping with mock disbelief. “I can’t believe it! You’ve been in love this whole time and never told anyone?! I’m shocked!”
Sirius threw his hands up in defeat, looking like he might spontaneously combust from sheer embarrassment. “It’s not that simple, Kokichi—”
“No, no! This is perfect! I’ve never seen you so flustered!” Kokichi giggled, looking incredibly pleased with himself. “This is a masterpiece of a story!”
Sirius sank into a chair, defeated. “I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?”
Kokichi grinned like the Cheshire Cat, leaning back in his chair. “Nope!”
“Leave them alone, Kokichi,” Kaito said, resting a hand on Kokichi’s shoulder. His voice was calm, but there was an unmistakable warning in it.
Kokichi giggled, clearly unbothered by Kaito’s intervention. “God, I was only teasing my cousin,” he said, leaning back in his chair with a smirk.
Sirius, who had been glaring at Kokichi in confusion, blinked at the sudden revelation. “Cousin?” he repeated, clearly puzzled.
Kokichi’s eyes glinted mischievously as he leaned forward. “Yup! My grandmother Celestia Selwyn was born a Rosier,” he explained, watching Sirius’s face carefully for a reaction. “She was your aunt Druella’s younger sister.”
Sirius blinked a couple of times, processing the information. “Wait, what?” His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to make sense of it. “You’re telling me you’re related to the Rosiers? And you’re a—what? My cousin?”
Kokichi nodded with enthusiasm, giving him a sly grin. “Yep! Harry told me about the family tapestry in the drawing room. It’s all there!”
Remus, who had been quietly sipping his tea, choked at the mention of the family tapestry. “You’ve been studying the tapestry?”
Kokichi’s grin widened. “Of course! It’s full of secrets, Professor Lupin! And I’m not one to let family history go to waste! I’m so proud to be a Pure-blooded Slytherin,” Kokichi’s voice dripped with sarcasm as he looked back at Sirius with a playful twinkle in his eye. “I bet you didn’t know you had such a mysterious little cousin, did you?”
Sirius’s mind was racing, trying to connect the dots. “I—I knew the Rosiers had some… eccentric members, but this? I’m starting to think I don’t know my own family as well as I thought.” He turned to Remus, a look of sheer bewilderment on his face.
Remus raised an eyebrow, clearly amused by Sirius’s confusion. “I didn’t know either, but I’m starting to get the feeling Kokichi’s been keeping more secrets than he lets on.”
Kokichi winked, clearly enjoying the chaos he’d stirred up. “I’m full of surprises!”
“Come on, scary man Sirius, I’ll show you!” Kokichi grinned, hopping to his feet before quickly grabbing Sirius’s arm and starting to pull him toward the door.
Sirius, caught completely off guard, stumbled slightly as Kokichi half-dragged, half-guided him down the hall. “Wait, wait—what are you doing?!” he protested, trying to regain his balance.
Kokichi’s grin only widened as he tugged Sirius along, his voice filled with exaggerated excitement. “You have to see it for yourself, cousin! The family tapestry! You won’t believe what you’ve been missing!”
Sirius looked over his shoulder at Remus, who only shook his head with a resigned smile. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t break anything,” Remus muttered, more to himself than anyone else.
Kaito, who had followed behind, called out with a laugh, “Don’t get let Kokichi get in your head too much, Sirius. He’s got a way with turning the mundane into a wild goose chase!”
Sirius, still trying to get his bearings as Kokichi practically dragged him down the hall, let out a sigh. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”
Kokichi, who was practically skipping now, shot him a wink. “Only if you don’t get with the program, scary man Sirius! Come on, hurry up! The tapestry’s waiting!”
“Here we areee!” Kokichi announced theatrically, throwing his arms wide as he stood in front of the large family tapestry in the drawing room. He pointed dramatically at the intricate design, his voice full of flair. “This is it, scary man Sirius! The legendary Black family tree!”
Sirius, still slightly disoriented from being dragged along, blinked at the tapestry, his gaze flicking between the names and faces that adorned it. His eyes paused when he spotted his own name, then Draco Malfoy’s, and—
“Wait a second.” His head snapped back to Kokichi, eyes narrowing. “Draco Malfoy and Tonks? Your cousins?”
Kokichi gave a mischievous grin, leaning in closer to Sirius. “Yup! Draco, Tonks, and me, we’re all part of the same grand family. A lovely little mix of troublemakers, wouldn’t you say. Kaito knows how much I adore Draco, don't you?"
Kaito rolled his eyes, knowing full well that Draco was one of Kokichi's favourite tormentees. The small boy's ability to get under the blond's skin was honestly quite remarkable.
Sirius looked momentarily stunned, clearly processing the information. But before he could fully respond, Kokichi’s grin grew even wider.
“No offense, scary man Sirius,” Kokichi said, his voice light, “but Tonks is my favourite cousin.” He threw a playful wink in Sirius’s direction, clearly enjoying the chaos.
Sirius blinked, taken aback. “Tonks? Tonks is your favourite cousin. Not me, the one who’s housing you as we speak?”
Kokichi’s smile was almost too sweet. “Well, you see, scary man Sirius, Tonks is fun—and she’s always up for a bit of mischief! You, on the other hand…” He gave an exaggerated, thoughtful look. “You’re a little… too Sirius sometimes.”
Sirius rolled his eyes, groaning at the bad joke. After a moment of exasperation, he ruffled the small Slytherin’s hair, and chuckled. “I should’ve known better than to get caught up in your little game.”
Kaito, who had been leaning casually against the doorframe, shook his head with a smirk. “You walked right into it, Sirius.”
“Well, c’mon! It’s time to wake up the others!” Kokichi declared, spinning on his heel and dashing toward the stairs with boundless energy. “Ron is super funny to wake up in the morning!”
Sirius’s eyes widened in alarm. “Wait—Kokichi, don’t you—”
“I’ll stop him from doing anything stupid,” Kaito cut in, already heading up the stairs after Kokichi. His pace was much slower with his hands casually tucked into his pockets. “Just… don’t expect miracles.”
Sirius let out a groan, shaking his head as the sound of Kokichi’s laughter echoed through the house. “That kid is going to be the death of me,” he muttered, though there was a hint of amusement in his voice.
Remus, still standing by the tapestry, chuckled softly as he set his empty teacup down on a nearby table. “You’ve handled worse, haven’t you?”
Sirius turned to him, a warm smile tugging at his lips. “Maybe, but I’m starting to think Harry’s got some of the most interesting friends I’ve ever met.”
His expression softened as he stepped closer to Remus, his voice quieter. “But you know, love…” He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Remus’s cheek. “They’re not so bad, better behaved then we were at their age.”
Remus’s cheeks turned a faint shade of pink, though he didn’t pull away. Instead, he glanced at Sirius with a small, affectionate smile. “I suppose I can’t argue with that.”
Sirius smirked. “Good. Because if you tried, I’d have to remind you how much trouble you used to get into.”
Remus rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face didn’t fade.