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Hueningkai began to notice Soobin’s health decline for quite a while. That's why he encouraged Soobin to request for a long awaited break, even if it’s ahead of schedule, Soobin desperately needed it. His tired eyes, lack of sleep, and body fatigue caught up while Kai noticed every single sign. He never left Soobin’s side. But now, being on tour without him doesn’t feel the same. It isn’t just missing their leader, Kai’s gut swirls in despair without him. That’s not normal.
Hueningkai knocks on Taehyun’s room in the hotel they’re currently staying at – Kai doesn’t remember its name. Now that Tomorrow x Together’s popularity has risen, they no longer have to stay in small, tight, one bedroom hotels. But it only makes his bed feel less comfortable, colder even.
“Taehyun? Can I come in?” Kai asks, clutching his molangie with his left arm, his deeply treasured plush he brings with him during tours far away from home. It was 2am but he knew Taehyun’s awake still, after all, as usual, they were overworked to the bone today, only recently settling down after arriving. His bones were throbbing, muscles aching, but it wasn’t what concerns him the most at the moment.
He hears a shuffle and a muffled “yes” from behind the door. Kai takes it as a sign and opens the door.
“What's up? Did you wanna sleep here?” Taehyun asks, eyeing the younger. It wasn’t weird for Kai to enter at random times in the night – it was just something he did. No one found it odd, especially Taehyun considering they’ve always been roommates, always being paired together as the youngest of the group.
“That’s not what I came here for, it’s fine.” Kai responds, closing the door behind him and takes a seat beside Taehyun on the hotel bed. A bland, familiar white. He misses his bed at home with all its colour and plushes. Not just that either, but a certain someone who constantly bugs him and somehow ends up in his bed beside him. He misses Soobin and his little dimpled idiotic lopsided smile when Kai awakes, confused why he’s there. He secretly knows why though, he often refuses to let Soobin go after he makes his rounds at bedtime and says goodnight. It might even be on purpose that Soobin goes to Yeonjun’s room first, and Kai’s room last that he shares with Taehyun.
It was silent for a little. Kai didn’t know where to begin. And he did what any other person would do; fidget.
“So? What's got your mind in a maze? Spit it out before I kick you out for fiddling with your feet like that.” Taehyun bluntly says, his eyes wide and round all focused on Kai, who blushes in embarrassment.
He’s not a child so why should he be so afraid?
“It’s about Soobin.” He begins, shifting his eyes, he doesn’t really want to look at his best friend right now.
“It always is, isn’t it?” Taehyun responds, rolling his eyes playfully but continues; “If you’re going to say you miss him I’m telling everyone else so they can tease you for life, especially Soobin.”
Kai dramatically gasps. “You wouldn’t dare..”
“You didn’t deny it!” Taehyun gasps and points with accusatory eyes as Kai blushes.
“You’re so done when we get back to Korea.” Taehyun continues, dropping his arm with no actual bite in his words, only playful teasing he knows Kai finds funny.
Kai laughs like a maniac and Taehyun laughs along with him, just how it always is.
Suddenly though, Kai remembers why he’s here. His mood shifts and Taehyun begins to worry and stare at him with confusion.
“But doesn’t everyone miss him? I’m not the only one, he’s our leader after all. Stupid, but our leader. I just feel different from when everyone else takes a break–it just– I don’t get it.” Kai rants, all in one breath.
It wasn’t like him to be so unsure with his feelings. He’s just a simple guy. He smiles when he feels like it, laughs at the smallest things, pouts when he’s upset, even does aegyo unironically because of how used to cameras he’s getting.
But Soobin not being here?
His stupid laugh, stupid smile, stupid dimples, stupid sly touches, even stupider glances and the stupidest words. All of it is being taken from him because of an illness. From a tired body that works too hard to make everyone else happy.
Sometimes Hueningkai even feels like he hallucinated when Soobin almost passed out, because why did no one else bring it up? Why was he the only one who noticed the difference between Soobin’s exaggerated breathing and normal exhausted panting after dance rehearsals? Why was he the only one who noticed the gap that grew between Soobin and everyone else when began heading to bed first? Why did he notice the smiles that never quite reached Soobin’s dimples?
But Kai didn’t want to intrude– they’re only members of the same team who live together after all.
Soobin is a sick man, but Kai might be even worse.
It seems Taehyun has caught on.
“I think I know what this is–”
“A crush?” Hueningkai interrupts, suddenly blurting out after spending quite some time pondering over it. He wasn’t oblivious. These feelings have sprouted ever since they were trainees, but he assumed it to be normal. Normal feelings for a normal friendship. That’s why he chose to ignore it like any other person in a tough spot would.
“I assumed so.” Taehyun indifferently replies, clearly upset at how his revelation was interrupted. He thought he’d be able to help his friend with advice but this time he barely did anything.
“Ehhh.. I’m sorry Hyunnie I didn’t mean to interrupt you! Hyuka is sorry.. come here..!” Kai exclaims in a high pitched voice, using his cuteness to apologize and gloss over the fact he just realized he has a crush over his closest straight friend. He would think about it later. He has time, a whole tour is ahead. So, Kai takes this chance to jump on Taehyun, leaping onto him like a frog.
“Hey!! Get off of me before I tell–”
Beomgyu bursts into the room, dragging Yeonjun by his wrist into the room.
“What’s going on over here?!” Beomgyu yells, as loud as can be.
Beomgyu and Yeonjun stare at Hueningkai on top of Taehyun who’s half falling off the bed, tugging on Kai’s collar as his only support before he falls butt-first onto the wooden plank floor.
“Great, now the other two pining idiots are here.” Taehyun sighs, pulling himself up from Kai’s collar who starts whining in pain of being dragged down.
“Pining?!” Yeonjun cuts in, probably tired from all this. “Kai looked like he just pounced on you and you call us pining – look at him he’s even blushing!”
“And we aren’t idiots!” Beomgyu responds after processing the statement in a blur.
“Exactly! Well.. actually maybe he is.” Yeonjun pinches Beomgyu’s cheek as his face reddens profusely.
“If I’m an idiot, so are you!” Beomgyu huffs, pouting and crossing his arms.
“Whatever. Idiotic duo or not – I would never like this guy.” Yeonjun argues, yet the tips of his ears that peak out behind his hair are bright red, and Beomgyu catches it. So he does what he does best; teasing.
Beomgyu’s eyes light up at the embarrassed reaction, only really taking it in now. He smirks and quickly turns his head, sticking his lips out to peck Yeonjun’s cheek and running to hide behind Hueningkai on the bed. Though he himself is flustered, Yeonjun’s reactions are always priceless to him. For what reason? He’s cute, and fun to annoy. That’s it. That’s all it is.
Yeonjun simply stands there, speechless. He hasn’t ever really gotten used to Beomgyu’s teasing. It’s Beomgyu after all, a beautiful fine man with the sharpest features he often traces with his eyes. He’s attractive and everyone can admit it. He shouldn’t feel guilty pool in his stomach when he knows he looks like a lovesick fool when Beomgyu ever glances at him. They’re friends. That’s what they should be. Yeonjun knows there’s something beneath all the jokes they have between each other, the whispered secrets and forgotten promises. The one time they-
After he cools down, he simply exhales and sits down on the rug beneath him. He’s too busy rubbing his cheek furiously with clenched fists to notice Beomgyu’s stare, eyes filled with millions of words threatening to spill out. But Beomgyu knows better. In the end, they’re nothing. Nothing at all. He lets his eyes turn away and sits on the bed, leaning against the headboard.
“Okay, first of all: ew. I’ll just pretend you both didn’t look at each other with puppy eyes. Second of all: ew. Don’t ever compare me and Hyunnie to you two weirdos. And third of all: mind your own business!” Hueningkai says while glancing at both Beomgyu and Yeonjun who are spaced apart, awkwardness clearly evident between them.
“It’s our business if it concerns Soobin. He’s our leader too.” Beomgyu says as he rolls his eyes. Clearly ignoring everything else Kai said, deciding to avoid that conversation. It was supposed to be a joke like their usual ones. What made it different? – Oh right, the fact that Kai just now realized his feelings.
(He’s not one to talk)
Kai’s face morphs into shock. “Eavesdroppers.” Kai mumbles as he crosses his arms and turns his head away, accidentally making direct eye contact with Taehyun who only shrugs.
“We weren’t eavesdropping! It’s just excruciatingly obvious you have a big fat crush on our sick, suffering leader.” Yeonjun grumpily says, rubbing his eye with one hand and covering his mouth as he yawned with his other. Beomgyu glances over at a nearby clock. It read 3am.
“Kai’s crisis is NOT going to be the reason I won’t be able to get up tomorrow. I’m out.” Beomgyu exclaims dramatically, abruptly standing up and strides through the door with no shame.
Yeonjun sighs and gets up when Beomgyu’s far enough.
“You should really do something about your raging boy crush on him, Yeonjun.” Taehyun says, eyes watching him very observantly. Of course he knows.
“He knows about it. What else is there to do?” Yeonjun replies, shuffling out the door and gently closing it, with his eyes downcast. Looks like he wasn’t going to get a good night’s rest tonight either.
“What is going on between them? Beomgyu knows?” Hueningkai asks, temporarily forgetting his own issue and already curious what’s going on between the other two members.
“I have no idea. Probably a big misunderstanding. Their problem can wait, yours comes first.” Taehyun says, already feeling a progressive migraine with all the advice he’s been needing to give out lately. His head might explode at this point.
“Awww!! Mine comes first?!” Hueningkai excitedly asks, smug as ever.
“No, it’s because Soobin’s dealing with both pining and health issues at the same time. Yeonjun and Beomgyu have been at this for a long time– they’ll figure it out soon enough. While you and Soobin just need a little push and all will be rainbows and unicorns. How about that?” Taehyun explains his reasoning, head clearing because of Hueningkai’s smile. It always makes him feel like the sun is shining upon him.
“Okay.. thank you Taehyun, I’ll think about it lots tonight! Get some good quality rest you deserve!” Kai cheerfully says, hugging Taehyun before quickly leaving without forgetting to take molangie with him. Taehyun really is the most reliable friend he could ask for.
Taehyun sighs, finally peace at last. Though he might be fifth wheeling his own group everytime they hang out, he loves them all deeply. The atmosphere is all he could ever ask for. People who love each other, and him too.
__
People say “time passes faster when you’re having fun” so why does Hueningkai realize how fast time passed quickly despite drowning in misery every time he was on stage reminded of Soobin’s absence?
He’s not sure if he’d rather be stuck in some country away from Korea on a tour away from his love problems or be forcefully reunited with the source of his love problems, in Korea.
Kai follows behind everyone else's boisterous voices as they storm into their shared dorm, hauling everything they’ve brought with them around the world. Soobin arrived a few days before them, spending the entire break period at home with his family but insisted on arriving before the rest of the group.
Just because he’s on break for rest doesn’t mean he’s allowed to slack off as TXT’s leader. Soobin comfortably sitting on the couch when Yeonjun immediately runs up to him and basically tackles him onto the couch. The two oldest members are affectionate as usual. Beomgyu smiles mischievously and jumps right on top of the two wrestling on the couch.
Taehyun grins softly, happy to see the rest of the group reunited. He would join them too if he wasn’t too afraid of the creaking couch collapsing – so he just continued dragging his things towards his and Kai’s room. He would greet Soobin after Yeonjun and Beomgyu hug out all the energy out of him.
To his surprise, Hueningkai simply glances, turns away, and quietly follows Taehyun towards their room, hauling his stuff as well.
“Chickening out already?” He asks, closing the door behind Kai to muffle the loud screeches, yells, and screams from the other three outside.
Kai only fiddles with the bottom of his hoodie.
Taehyun sighs, too tired from the long trip to deal with this so he just grabs Kai and pulls him into the nearest bed, unsure whether it's his or Kai’s. It doesn’t really matter anyway because Kai shuffles stiffly, held down by Taehyun’s strong grip.
They aren’t exactly hugging, more like Taehyun’s trapping Hueningkai by shifting his weight, and falling asleep.
Kai closes his eyes too, realizing how tired Taehyun must be. Therefore, to not bother him anymore, he falls asleep too.
The image of Soobin’s signature dimpled smile returning, the colour of his skin no longer pale, the eyebags now faded (yet still lightly remained because he probably still stayed up to play video games), and his body less tense as it was before engraved itself into Kai’s head.
Kai missed Soobin, so much that he mentally promised himself he’d take care of Soobin during their short break after returning. But he would avoid getting too close, love is nothing amidst their relationship. At least, that’s what he thought.
__
Soobin exhaled after shoving the yelling duo off of him. “You two are as annoying as ever.” says Soobin, perched on the couch in between his own laughs and smiles he fights off so desperately watching the Yeonjun and Beomgyu figure out how to detangle themselves on the floor.
After taking a few deep breaths after exhausting themselves by tickling and play fighting atop one another, Soobin remembers.
He remembers light brown wavy hair with the weirdest most outlandish laughter and a boy who creates a flutter in his stomach indescribable that wasn’t to be seen. Neither was Taehyun.
Before Yeonjun and Beomgyu reach for their luggages and dispurst into their rooms, he quickly scans the room and asks “Did Hueningie and Tae already go to bed?”
“I think so, I’m surprised Kai didn’t jump on you for belly rubs as soon as we got here.” Yeonjun replies, lips in a pout of confusion.
Beomgyu avoids looking at Yeonjun, only glancing at Kai and Taehyun’s shared room. “Me too actually, he was so hung up on your absence it might make me throw up.” he says, faking a gag.
“Whoa- really? What did he say?” Soobin’s mouth parts in awe, Huening missing him just as much as he did makes him smile uncontrollably.
Yeonjun laughs. “Why d’you wanna know so bad?” he asks, with a mischievous grin on his face.
“To tease him of course!” Soobin replies automatically, confused as to why Beomgyu and Yeonjun kept exchanging glances, as if they were silently communicating across the living room.
After a few seconds of the interaction back and forth Soobin notices the pink dusting both of their cheeks. How cute. Yet not as cute as clingy Hueningkai, especially one that misses him dearly. Soobin feels inclined to take care of him the most as their youngest member, but sometimes he questions the twist and turn of his gut everytime he sees Hueningkai upset – or rapid increase of his heartbeat every time their skin brushes. Is that really the reason he wishes Hueningkai would open his door rubbing his eyes sleepily and ask Soobin to sleep with him in the living room?
Soobin snaps out of his thoughts when Beomgyu giggles.”Are you sure that’s really it?” he asks, giving Yeonjun an air high-five. Before Soobin has time to question what he meant by that, both Beomgyu and Yeonjun shut their doors. Technically because he and Beomgyu share a room, he could go and ask him if he wanted, but he didn’t really want to. He doesn’t really know if he wants to unravel the incessant desire for Hueningkai in his arms. What is love compared to the years they’ve spent together anyway? Soobin coughs. Nothing. Nothing at all. He falls asleep there, suddenly feeling his body ache too much to move. The pouding of something in his head that steadily grows along with his heartbeat.
__
Hueningkai wakes up abnormally early. He grabs his nearby phone underneath Taehyun’s arm, thankful he rolled over sometime during the night instead of sleeping directly on Kai. It read: 5:59am. Wow. His eyes widened, waking up this early on a weekend shocked him so much he felt thirsty. He slowly got up, avoiding any noisy possibilities that might wake Taehyun. Kai realized he was still wearing the clothes from yesterday.
After changing clothes slowly enough to avoid unnecessary noise, he opened the door and his mouth dropped at the sight in the living room. It was Soobin shivering on the couch, on his side with his head in his hands.
Hueningkai acted immediately based on reflex. He grabbed his thick bed duvet covers, the bed without a snoring Taehyun on it (because Taehyun coincidentally pulled him into his own bed) and waddled towards a weak and still inevitably sick Soobin. He gently placed the covers on him, but he wondered how uncomfortable it must be for him to tuck his long legs, being way too tall for his own good to sleep on the couch.
He’s gotten stronger nowadays, so he decided to carry Soobin to his bed. To say he did it without a struggle is a lie, but he clenched his teeth and picked him up along with the covers anyway. Soobin’s face scrunched, a sign of waking up and Hueningkai began to sweat – what would he say if he woke up in Hueningkai’s arms?
But instead Soobin shifted, his face turned towards Kai and he started snoring softly, seeming more comfortable now than on the couch. Hueningkai stared at him lovingly, adoring his soft smile and relaxed facial features, he was as usual, breathtaking.
He used the hand tucked beneath Soobin’s legs to turn the door handle, cautious of a sleeping Beomgyu. Though, he didn’t have to worry much considering how much of a deep sleeper Beomgyu is.
He gently places down, making sure his head landed directly on his pillow. Hueningkai wiped the sweat dripping from his forehead in his little mission, one that didn’t necessarily have to be a secret, but he felt like it should be. He doesn’t want to make Soobin uncomfortable by constantly being glued to his side so he’d give him space. Though, as much as he could handle it, taking care of him is an absolute must.
Hueningkai spares one last glance towards a sleeping Soobin, fully relaxed and roller comfortably in a deep slumber as he closes the door as quietly as possible.
He sighs in relief, back in his own room. He may have forgotten his own bed covers, but it’s already morning anyway.
This process ends up repeating more often to Soobin’s frustration. Every time he struggles to fall asleep, before he knows it, he ends up waking up in a well-tucked bed and warm tea beside his bed. Every time he forgets something – it’s in his pocket (he knows he placed it somewhere else) and though everyone else is mostly out, spending time with their families, there’s always newly bought medicine and vitamins on his bedside table, or a new blanket spread on his bed – you get the point right?
And Soobin isn’t oblivious in any way, he knows it’s all Hueningkai. That’s not the issue, he actually finds it quite cute actually. The problem is every time Soobin tries to catch Kai at the right time, he’s always unavailable (or just really good at making excuses). He tries waking up earlier, getting home earlier, asking the Yeonjun if he knows when Kai will be home, but it never works out. As if Kai’s ignoring him.
Kai’s ignoring him?
He’s never really thought of the possibility, but Yeonjun joked about it which really got him thinking.
“Maybe he really got sick of how clingy you are towards him?” Yeonjun thoughtlessly points out, tapping away at his phone in the living room beside Soobin who’s been complaining about his bad timing for the past 2 hours.
“He’s the one who usually sticks to me!” Soobin argues, huffing in a pout.
And now Soobin was sitting in front of Hueingkai’s room, waiting for him to come home. Despite living together, their schedules are incredibly different, especially during a break. Beomgyu and Taehyun have gone home to visit their families, while Yeonjun and Hueningkai have only been visiting them throughout the day, choosing to continue sleeping at their dorm. And well.. Soobin feels bad for imposing in his own home for longer than anticipated, so he’s back here again. Though, he still visits from time to time.
The front door suddenly opened, and Soobin knew it wasn’t Yeonjun (he mentioned earlier he’d spend a night at Beomgyu’s house– which is insanely far, but he said he wanted to do it to meet his family to which Soobin’s jaw dropped in disbelief). Anywho, it was just Soobin and Kai tonight. His heart rate picked up. Tonight he will confess. But firstly he needs to ask;
“Kai, you’re not ignoring me, are you?”
Soobin asked, lifting his head to look up at the tall figure looming in front of him.
“Ah– Soobin hyung, what brings you here?” Hueningkai shakily responds, rubbing his hand at the back of his neck in embarrassment.
Soobin knows his gestures. Naturally, if Hueningkai was avoiding him, he’d choose to come home while Soobin wasn’t there, so he texted Kai he’d be home late.
Home late? Sure. He was at home the whole day pondering if this is what he should really do. Being idols after all, being guys even more– can this really work out?
He doesn’t really care, he just wants his best friend back, even if they constantly balance on the tight line threatening to snap between friends and lovers. Though, the deciding factor on which side they end up on is up to Kai. And Soobin has barely any courage, not for the outcome, and not for the reason of the recent space forced between them.
Hueningkai panics, though it might be brief, but Soobin watches him too closely.
Soobin pats the spot beside him on the floor, motioning for Kai to sit beside him.
Hueningkai wordlessly slumps down the door and sits, hugging his knees to his chest beside Soobin. He fights off the urge to lay his head comfortably on Soobin’s shoulder, like they’ve always done before. To breathe in his scent and let his mind rewind, it’s been quite the mess lately.
“I– I may have. But there’s a reason behind it, I still see you as my friend hyung.” Hueningkai replies, drooping his head down to avoid making eye contact with Soobin, if he did, he might end up doing something he’d regret.
“A reason? What reason could there be for you to ignore me, yet still take care of me in the shadows? It’s endearing but it seriously gets annoying when I’m never able to properly thank you.” Soobin calmly explains, head turned, eyes staring deep, too deep into Hueningkai’s downcast head.
Hueningkai responds rapidly, unintentionally speeding up and growing louder in volume “You don’t have to thank me. I’m returning the favour- plus you really were feeling unwell. And we’re best friends-”
“Is that really all you want to be?” Soobin cuts him off, an unknown emotion seeping into his voice, his tone.
“What– what else is there for us to be?” Hueningkai yells back, head snapping back towards Soobin, his eyes watering and face flushed. Soobin’s eyes widened at the expression Hueningkai faced him with, it was almost angry, yet sad, yet confused– it was a lot of things. Soobin thought he was beautiful, filled to the brim with emotion threatening to spill over.
“Well, when one person loves another, they usually become a couple.” Soobin teasingly says, grabbing Kai’s face in his hands and pulling their foreheads together, absorbing all of Hueningkai’s features blooming in emotions– so many emotions. And he only flushes further the second their foreheads bump against one another.
“We’re both guys, just to remind you.” Kai responds with a whisper, lips lifting into a smile about to burst into a laugh, the earlier anger fizzing out the second Soobin brought him closer. His breath lightly brushes over Soobin’s lips. Taking in Soobin’s features this close suddenly makes him feel self-conscious, jutting out his lip for a split second to lick his lips. Worried, yet excited, thinking about what might happen next.
Soobin only smirked. “So what?” he whispered back with his signature dimpled smile. Hueningkai giggled.
“Let’s be more than friends.” Hueningkai whispered before Soobin slowly tugged on him, cupping his cheeks with his cold hands, feeling the warmth that emitted like he had the sun in his hands. He just might, since the next warmth he felt was the lips of the one he loved against his.
Neither of them know exactly when they ended up in Hueningkai’s bed, giggling like teenagers, limbs tangled and lips numb, but they do know that Kai would definitely be sick the following morning.