Chapter Text
Buford woke up stretching and yawning. He rolled over onto his side, watching Biff swim around his fish bowl. "Good morning Biff; isn't it a great day?" He grabbed the fish bowl and got out of bed, walking to the window. He inhaled deeply, taking in the fresh spring air. "Ahhh…nothing could go wrong today." He leaned on the window sill, surveying the activity around him. "Now, who should Buford take lunch money from today?"
He scanned up and down the street, searching for just the right person. "Him?" A boy about his age whizzed by on a skateboard. "Nah. Buford doesn't like fast food." Another boy with a blonde crew cut walked by, carrying a book under his arm and whistling. "Nah. To noisy." He sighed. "Aw man. It's so hard to find a nerd to beat up for lunch money." He was just about to turn away from the window when he heard it.
"Wow Bro. That's really amazing. I didn't know you could hold your breath that long. Are you part fish and I just didn't know it?"
Buford's eyes narrowed. "Bingo." He leaned out the window, yelling. "Hey Losers! Stay right there and don't move a muscle! Buford's coming for you!" Quickly, he threw on a clean shirt and shorts, making sure to feed Biff before grabbing his empty lunchbox and heading outside.
The red headed boy glared at him. "Hello Buford."
"Hey Dinnerbell, gimmie your lunch money."
"No."
"What was that?"
"I said no."
"You dare say no to Buford?"
"I…well, yeah!" Phineas looked at the bully. "Buford, this is the third time you've stolen lunch money from us this week. Frankly, Ferb and I are getting tired of it, aren't we Bro?" Ferb nodded. "Besides, there are other kids at this school; wouldn't you rather steal from them?"
"It would make it more equal," Ferb added.
"No. Buford like taking your lunch. It's yummy peanut butter sandwiches and fruit juice boxes and—" he was on the ground and out like a light in seconds.
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Phineas stared at his brother in horror. "Ferb, what did you do?!"
"Vulcan nerve pinch."
"Uh…you do realize he's going to be really mad when he wakes up right?" Ferb nodded. "Well…alright then!" Phineas turned to the bully, lightly kicking at a broad shoulder. "I guess if it allows us enough time to escape, then—"
"Unngghh…what happened?" Buford's eyes slowly fluttered open before fully focusing. "You." He jumped to his feet, pounding one fist into the palm of his other hand. "Oh you two are soo gonna get it."
"Run Ferb!" Phineas grabbed his brother's wrist, the two of them turning around and running down the street at full speed.
"Come back here losers! Buford hasn't stolen your lunch money yet!"
Phineas looked behind him. "He's gaining! What are we gonna do?!" He looked helplessly at his brother, who winked at him. "Great idea Bro! If we split up, Buford'll never catch us! Brother split on three?" Ferb nodded. "Okay! One…two…three…split!" The red head let go, making a sharp right around a nearby corner as Ferb ran to the other side of the street, disappearing down a back alley.
Buford threw his hands up in frustration. "I hate the Brother Split!" He paused in the middle of the street for a moment, looking in both directions before taking off down the back alley.
Ferb was at the very end of the alley, hastily looking around for an exit. He hadn't thought this one through enough; the school was just on the other side, but the brick wall was a little higher than he'd remembered. His eyes landed on a mattress and a plunger leaning against the wall. Now, if he only had a trashcan…
"Come here you!" Buford appeared at the entrance to the alleyway, enraged. "Alright loser; if I can't get the both of you, I'll at least get one of you. Now hand over your lunch money."
He casually leaned against the wall, taking the plunger in one hand while casually dragging the mattress over to a nearby trashcan. He waited until Buford was a foot in front of him before racing up the mattress. He stuck the plunger to the top of the trashcan lid, using the momentum to catapult himself over the wall, executing a perfect landing on the other side.
Ferb smirked in satisfaction before sprinting the few feet to Danville Middle School.