Work Text:
One day Coco went to vote for the South African elections. In order to do that she took a plane (how do you spell it geg? Plain or plane? ESL award o algo) from Netherlands and flew all the way to SA. As soon as she landed in Joburg she got attacked by a gang but she did the same thing that she did to Maya in Deel 6 and they ran away shitting their pants in fear. She came inside an election tent (the tent later got pregnant and demanded child support but that's a story for another time) and looked at the ballot. She chose ACDP (Anal Cum Double Penetration) because she wanted it to get at least some seats in the parliament and left the tent.
Afterwards she rented a room in a hotel and watched TV in the evening. She was watching the genre-redefining, trope-subverting, atmospheric, dark and eerie, emotionally draining, gut wrenching, aesthetically heavy craft by post-horror auteur with an arthouse edge, dread-inducing, suspenseful build up with strong character development and gradual feeling of escalation, bone-chilling slow burn TV show by the name of Teletubbies because she couldn't figure out how to change the channel. However the soul-shaking, blood-curdling, skin-crawling and nerve-wracking exercise in persistently looming dread where tension and anxiety permeates every frame as movie reaches its nail-biting, jaw-clenching and paranoia-inducing final climax, free of any cheap gore, cartoonish CGI or infantile jumpscares episode where Twinky Winky lost his bag was interrupted by a special news report.
- Great news! - the reporter said as she stuffed a fat stack of rands into her bra. - Today the ballots were counted and the ANC got 120 million votes! It means that all the people in our country are so patriotic that they joined the ANC twice in order to vote! So the ANC will continue to rule for another 1000 years until mr Ramaphosa stops drinking the blood of virgins to prolong his life and dies.
- Watafoek? - Cocaine yelled. She threw her remote at the TV but it missed and flew into the window killing some random kid. That's how 9/11 happened by the way, Coco just threw something she was holding on the Twin Towers. - I can't let this continue!
She came outside infuriated by the news when she was stopped by a policeman who tried to pull her scarf down. She tried to hit him but he put a gun to her head.
- Sorry xister but we have to confiscate your clothes o algo
- Why? - she yelled opening her mouth like Cobson. - I didn't steal them or something!
- By the divine decree of Emperor Ramaphosa the 1st every woman has to give her clothes to him. If they want it back they have to pay a fine because the Emperor needs to buy a new mansion.
Coco had one hand free so she pulled out her phone and showed him a picture of Cado's coinslot. He yelled in fear and fainted as his clitty leaked. Cock then ran away. She tried to write a report to a news agency but ended up posting it on the sharty and attaching a photo of herself. Some nusoicacas spammed the thread with OMGSISA replies but most chvddies actually paid attention because taking the ANC down meant that 黑鬼 could be killed and that was gemmy or however the snarky snappy is moderated.
One of the jannies paused xis trans lesbian porn and texted Froot on the 'cord goon server:
"Hey FrQQt"
"What the fuck do you want you filthy trannyjanny"
"Become the president of South Africa plis saar"
"Why should I doe"
"You can get cucked by dat bibisi every day"
At these words Froor jumped into a private jet operating on black bvll cum and soylent and landed in SA (sexual abuse GEEEG). He was very happy because there were many black Aryans around that looked just like xis favourite slopjaks so he was in heaven. After getting a queen of spades tattoo on his prolapsed anus Fr♠️♠️t went to see Coco. She was sitting on a bench made of dnb together with the two South African boer /int/ posters.
- Bow down to me you nig- I mean bad boys fucking wordfilters I will kill every janny that installed them - Fr♤♤t announced.
- Saar who are you saar? - Coco asked
- The future president of this raisinhole - he replied. - Anyways what is the plan?
- We will go to Jacob Zuma who also hates the current president. Together we will overthrow the current government
So they hopped on the back of a random 黑鬼 walking around and went to Zuma's jail. He was asleep and having erotic dreams about fucking a chimpanzee when Fr♠♠t aimed his dick on his face through the window bars and pissed with pure orange juice on it. Zuma woke up in shock.
- Who are you? - he asked
- We VVILL help you break out and in exchange you VVILL help us make a plan to overthrow Ramaphosa - Fr🂡🂡t said. Zuma started nodding very fast so the two boers bent the bars with their bare hands and pulled Jacob out. They all sat on the ground next to the jail and started planning.
THE NEXT DAY...
A fat Mexican man wearing a T-shirt with the Mexican flag and eating Takis entered the Parliament building in the early morning.
- I want to speak to mr Ramaphosa o algo asi - he said to a woman on the register
- Ok your name and surname? - she asked
- Satoko_Houjou_Fan
- Why do you want to speak to him?
- Because Fr🍊🍊t told me to also us meximutts are white o algo
She agreed to let him in after a full body search. However she didn't find anything suspicious apart from a dead hamster in his asshole and a cum-stained tranime figurine. Braptoko entered Ramaphosa's cabinet. He was busy playing polo with a private bodyguard while ten other bodyguards stood and watched.
- Who are you? - Cyril asked sipping on a 2 million dollar cognac
- PORQUE ES TAN OBSESIONADO CONMIGO - Shitoko yelled. Due to his rage from thinking that someone is obsessed with him he started brapping. The brap from the combination of eating Takis, chivichangas with rotted dog meat and tacos with human shit was extremely potent and smelled like a 10 day old decomposing corpse. The bodyguards died immediately while Cyril choked and yelled like a mouse raped by an elephant.
- Oh no... I can't breathe! - he yelled. Suddenly his facial features started to distort. His nose became bigger and his face became younger. Raisintoko looked at him and realised he was actually George Floyd in disguise. He started brapping and shitting more while screaming heckin incomprehensible coal in Spanish. Due to a lack of fentanyl and pregnant women that he could rob to buy some he died. Satoko shrugged and kept eating his BWC-flavoured Takis.
As he walked out he realised that everyone else in the Parliament was killed by his brap. Shitoko started crying. Everyone on the 'ru and the 'ty hated him for brapping everywhere but now his braps saved someone's life. He walked out of the parliament ready to celebrate as tears streamed down his cheeks. However immediately afterwards he got hit by a car GEEEEEG
Fr🂢🂢t and the Afrikaners were observing from the other side of the road. As they saw Shitoko and the politicians die, Frqqt wore a ZOG-mandated face mask, took the 1488th booster shot, took his meds and entered the parliament. It didn't take him long to establish his own rule under which every citizen had to produce gems and coal in a 1:1 ratio, watch blacked.com every day and eat ze bugs. The country was ruled by Coco and the janny cabal who ended up rulecucking everyone whereas Froor spent all his days getting railed by based black kangs while his clitty leaked. Zuma hid from the police and became a worker at a strip club where he showed off his sick dance moves.
One day Coco got a phone call. After trying to answer it for 69 hours she eventually pressed the right button and said:
- Hoi Maya- I mean whoever this is
- It's her mum. Where you at nusoixister?
- I'm in South Africa o algo
- Mymy just died yesterday from a lean overdose and talked about king Leopold of Belgium before she died... Now I only have two kids... Please come back
- No, I prefer dominating clittycels with tbps geg - Coco said as she kicked the balls of the author of this absolute gemerald fanfiction. - So I'm not coming. Also I transheart ruling a country
Sounds of acking were heard on the other end as Coco's stepmother realised that she only has one more kid that she can expose to EPI. Coco shrugged and kept torturing the author of this gemmy story.
THE END