Chapter Text
Caitlyn threaded along the streets of a city she once knew. The moonlight and the lampposts cast a shadow over her figure in the dark night, illuminating the stones on the ground that composed an imperfect line beneath her feet.
Puddles of water wet her boots with every step. Caitlyn looked down at the ground, pale skin and glistening azure eyes staring back in the reflection. Broken. Defeated.
It didn’t feel real; none of it did. Caitlyn didn’t want to accept that it was, but blurred memories of Jinx, Vi, a tea party, and a rocket launcher insisted on infiltrating her mind. Corrupting it.
Waves of vertigo struck Caitlyn’s senses. She didn’t want to think of the attack on the Council. Not when the bare thought of it brought her mind back to rough hands, sharp edges, neon paint, and a shattered heart.
Her mother, lying cold on the ground, a pile of blood gathered around her unmoving body. Glassy eyes focused on the distance. The screaming coming from her own throat.
Caitlyn couldn’t move. As if vines were holding her in place, caging her from the harsh reality she did not want to face. They grew and pestered, tightening the hold around her arms and her neck. It kept her from crashing down, yet she couldn’t breathe.
Her reflection on the puddle warped when a drop of water hit the ground, startling Caitlyn. The drops grew more and more frequent, disfiguring what once held Caitlyn’s image. She didn’t know if it was caused by her own tears or by the light rain that had started to fall on her.
What a fool she had been. How easy it was to deal with someone else’s pain when she’d never experienced it for herself.
Compassion born from ignorance. Kindness overthrown by foolishness. Alone, she had no energy to keep her composure. Her knees buckled, and Caitlyn crashed onto the floor. No one was there to hold her.
Not yet.
“Caitlyn!”
Caitlyn flinched. She carefully looked up, only to find the lightest shade of blue eyes approaching her. A face so familiar, but one that held a devastating expression she’d never seen before.
Vi crouched down beside Caitlyn, gently holding her cheek. Vi’s palms weren’t soft, like Caitlyn’s - they were adorned with scars of her past fights. Of the troubles she had faced. Of the loved ones she had protected.
Despite her imperfections, in Caitlyn’s eyes, Vi was beautiful. And under the warm glow of the moonlight and the lampposts in the street, Caitlyn only hoped she could be as strong as the woman that stood before her, with worried and frightened eyes.
“Are you okay?” Vi asked, eyes locking onto Caitlyn’s.
Vi’s eyes, unlike the rest of her body, were the softest. Caitlyn adored them. The eyes are the window of the soul, and in Vi’s eyes, she could see it all: sorrow, regret, worry.
Those pale blue eyes haunted her. They reminded Caitlyn of the blue of the sky, of a river. Right. Vi was here, topside, with her. Not in the Undercity, where she belonged.
Vi was here because she had nowhere else to go. Now that her sister— No. No. Vi wasn’t like… Jinx. She was caring, strong but gentle, and oh so lovely. Not like her sister, with her maniac laugh, harsh hands, and cruel heart.
Her sister, who was out there somewhere. Probably reveling in the hole she had carved out of Caitlyn’s heart. All because… she hadn’t taken the shot. What a great enforcer she was.
Caitlyn felt a sudden ache in her lungs and broke eye contact, turning to stare at the ground once more. A frail whisper left her throat, “When did you get here?”
Vi looked at her for a moment and moved, offering Caitlyn her hand, “C’mon, get up.” When Caitlyn made no move to accept it, Vi insisted. “Caitlyn. Cait-“
“No.” Caitlyn choked out, a broken sob escaping her lips.
Vi furrowed her brows. Caitlyn stood there, hands on the ground, hoping to get buried. That was the only thing in the vast city that felt familiar to her. The ground was where her mother rested.
“I don’t want to go anywhere.” Caitlyn said, still looking down. Her hands were trembling, body threatening to fall once more.
The reflection of herself in the puddle was no longer identifiable, and Caitlyn was thankful for that. She wasn’t ready to face the person who had let her mother get killed.
“Okay.” Vi just said. “We don’t have to.”
Vi often called Caitlyn a cupcake, claiming she was as sweet as one. Yet in this moment, Caitlyn could only think how sweet Vi was. She was as sweet… as a violet.
Her feelings for Vi weren’t something Caitlyn had given herself time to truly linger in. They grew in silence, and faster than she could comprehend. Just thinking of her made Caitlyn feel warm, seen, and cared for.
But now, looking back at those blue eyes, expression mirroring hers, Caitlyn took notice of something she hadn’t before. Just looking at Vi made her feel weak, made her heart tighten in her chest, and her lungs scream in pain.
When Vi offered her hand once more, Caitlyn threw herself on the woman, arms around her shoulders and cheek on her chest. Vi placed her hands on her back, caging her, but not suffocating. This time, it was a warm embrace, a comforting one.
Caitlyn let herself cry. Her tears didn’t do much to wet Vi’s already drenched jacket. Vi, who held her with such care and affection.
And Caitlyn clutched onto her tightly, ignoring the ache she felt inside.
“Vi, I… I couldn’t protect her.” Caitlyn muttered, eyes closed.
“Cait, there was nothing you could’ve done.”
Caitlyn scoffed. She had the shot. She would’ve shot her, if not for her own hesitance. She was to blame for what happened. Caitlyn had failed as an enforcer.
“Who will I be able to help if I can’t even save my own mother?”
Vi was quiet for a second before whispering, “Cait, you’re my savior.”
Caitlyn froze. Vi placed a kiss on her hair, her lips lingering for a second before moving to her temple. Softly. Caitlyn’s breath was caught in her throat. She gripped Vi’s shoulders, forcing herself back up.
She stared at Vi’s face. The eyes that looked back were a reflection of Caitlyn’s own. For a moment, Caitlyn thought that, just maybe, Vi was here because she chose to be by her side.
Vi’s crooked nose, Vi’s tattooed cheek, Vi’s lip scar, her plump lips… Caitlyn tore her gaze away. “I had the shot, Vi. I… Shit. I know you see her as your sister. I just…”
“You were right.” Vi interrupted her.
Caitlyn’s eyes widened, and she gripped tightly on Vi’s arms. “Vi.”
“I understand it now.” she shoved it off. “There’s no way to deny it after what happened, after what she did to… God, Cait.”
Caitlyn hadn’t realized, but tears had started to pour down her face again. Vi brushed her fingers on Caitlyn’s cheek, quietly wiping them away.
She wanted to hold Vi, to kiss her, to shower her with all the care she deserved. All the affection she had been robbed of in her time in Stillwater. But just the thought of it caused a pang in Caitlyn’s chest. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t.
It was overwhelming. Vi was overwhelming. She was just too good. Too lovely. Her heart was too precious to be wasted on a broken soul like Caitlyn’s.
She couldn’t love Vi as she wanted, not with the emptiness inside her that still stung as hard as it did when Jinx pulled the trigger of her rocket launcher.
Jinx had looked down at her with a venomous glow in her pink, shimmer-filled eyes. Seeing Caitlyn’s distress, her smile had only grown brighter. She looked so much like her sister, it was terrifying. Caitlyn had been horrified to see Vi’s endlessly soft features and charming freckles in the face of her kidnapper.
“I’m sorry.” she could only whisper.
Vi’s hand remained on Caitlyn’s cheek. The touch burned her skin. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
Caitlyn truly wanted to believe in Vi’s words. Yet, when she stared at Vi’s eyes, a part of Caitlyn couldn’t help but see Jinx’s pink eyes in her.
The taste of violets erupted in her mouth.
—
When Caitlyn was sixteen, she had her life figured out. Not in a step-by-step manner, but Caitlyn had dreams. She wanted to break free from her family’s name, to thread a path for herself, and to do actual good for the world. To help those in need, to bring justice to those who owned it.
To experience the world Caitlyn never had the chance to see but yearned to do so feverishly, having lived her whole life behind the shadow of her mother.
Caitlyn sighed. A silence echoed in the halls of the Kiramman estate.
She carefully opened her bedroom door, gun in hand, as if a threat was waiting for her on the other side. Slowly, Caitlyn stepped in. Her bedroom looked the same as the last time she had seen it, but it didn’t feel as familiar.
Caitlyn wasn’t the same.
The extravagant vases, the lavish pillars, and the mountains of trophies held no meaning to her. They were part of a past she no longer belonged to. The expensive carpeted floor her mother oh-so-loved felt like hard stone under her feet.
The scent of lavender still lingered in the air, but Caitlyn could only smell the dust and powder that threatened to overtake the sweetness.
Sweet. She thought back to when Vi had first been there, already making herself at home in the spacious bedroom she couldn’t even dream of owning. Vi had laid herself on Caitlyn’s bed, admiring the sky in the high ceiling.
What Caitlyn would give to brush her hand on Vi’s cheek again, staring at her eyes and slowly but surely leaning in until Vi’s face was only a blur and her world was forever shattered. Vi’s face, so open and vulnerable. Vi crying — a flow of tears running down her face in hurt, despair, and helplessness.
Caitlyn had looked away, her resolve faltering. She felt resentment coursing all over her body, threatening to take control of her consciousness once more. At the time, Caitlyn’s gun - her armor and sword - had been clutched desperately by gloved fists.
Vi had betrayed her. She had protected the terrorist who took her mother’s life. The same one she had asked Caitlyn to shoot, had she had a chance.
The same one whose blood coursed through Vi’s own.
A strangled sound left Caitlyn’s throat as she coughed, phlegm spilling on the carpet, shutting up her stubborn mind. She couldn’t bring herself to care about the damage.
Caitlyn huffed and hastened her steps, nearing the bathroom door. Hands trembling, she drew in a sharp breath and gripped the handle. Her eyes squeezed shut.
The door opened slower this time, and Caitlyn’s movements held a kind of wariness reserved for when she felt Jinx’s lingering presence. Caitlyn peeked into the bathroom, a shot of blue instantly alerting her mind and she leaped inside, gun held high, aiming at the far back of the room.
A blue turquoise welcomed her view. Before her mind could fully register, Caitlyn pulled the trigger, and the flowerpot was shattered to pieces, dirt flying everywhere.
Caitlyn glared at the wall with ragged breaths.
She glanced at the mirror, finding distant eyes and a hard expression, and it took her a few seconds to register what exactly she was looking at.
In front of the mirror, Caitlyn was taken aback. Her reflection was clear. What she saw was none other than Caitlyn Kiramman.
The cut on her lower lip became painstakingly obvious as Caitlyn felt the beating of her own heart from her injuries. She became painfully aware of all the marks scattered across her otherwise untouched skin. But she didn’t cry.
Even if the hurt was unbearable, crossing the barrier of physicality, Caitlyn didn’t cry. Not when a weight on her shoulders was grounding her, keeping her warm.
Vi’s embrace was warm. So was the Kiramman cape Ambessa had given her, and it didn’t hurt.
Feeling her throat tighten, Caitlyn coughed with more force this time, hand over her mouth. A single violet petal fell on her fingers.