Work Text:
I looked out the window of my cabin to check the weather, and saw that the world was coated in a veil of white. It must have snowed sometime during the night. Winter was threatening to come early, not caring that the last leaves had yet to fall from the trees. I would need to bundle up today.
A small smile crept across my face in anticipation of my hunt.
Hunting and trapping were really the only consistent form of excitement I had anymore. I’d tried to live amongst the istiks but it hadn’t ended well for them or me. Some fool was always picking a fight simply because I was githyanki. I never hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it, but that didn’t matter. I lost count of how many times I was arrested.
It was after my last incarceration that I decided to leave Baldur’s Gate for good and build myself a place of solitude where my alleged ‘violent tendencies’ wouldn’t threaten anyone. It was hard at first, but over time I adjusted to my reclusive existence. Now I survived off of whatever the land provided and only interacted with the townsfolk when I absolutely needed to.
I gathered my dagger, secured a cloak around my shoulders made of some of my best pelts, and headed out into the cold. The snow crunched with every step as I made my way into the woods. Hopefully the weather hadn’t impacted the effectiveness of the traps I’d set the day before and they’d be laden with game.
As luck would have it, the first trap I checked had caught a buck by its antlers. The beast was so large that it would easily feed me for a week, maybe more. I crouched low and unsheathed my dagger as I approached, my pulse quickening at the wild thrashing of the buck when it sensed me. I am death.
All of a sudden, the hair on the back of my neck stood up.
I froze and took a moment to glance around and listen. Nothing was there but rustling leaves.
I shook my head and tightened the grip on my blade.
Something large struck me from just out of my view, knocking me shoulder first into the ground. I cried out in surprise and pain at the sting of claws in my side. I quickly shifted my weight and rolled over on my back so that I could see what attacked me. The monster was little more than a blur of white fur and fangs. It snapped and lunged at me; tried to rip me open with its maw of razor sharp teeth, but I narrowly dodged its attacks.
I clenched my jaw and remembered my training. I had survived countless battles in Vlaakith’s army against creatures much more fearsome. I would not die this day, not to this lowly animal.
“Hta’zith!” I screamed and kicked the beast off myself.
It let out a yelp as it crashed to the ground.
Before it was able to right itself, I was upon it with my blade pointing in its side. That was when I got a good look at the foolish predator that thought it wise to attack me. It was a huge she-wolf with a nasty looking scar across her cheek and large emerald eyes filled with fear. Judging by the ribs poking out from beneath her fur, she was starving, hungry and had been looking to make an easy meal of me.
I’d expected– no– wanted the wolf to fight back, but she didn’t. Instead, her body relaxed and her gaze shifted from fear to resignation with a quiet sigh.
I don’t know what made me stay my hand.
It was as if some outside force wouldn’t let me put the starving beast out of her misery. I wanted nothing more than to drive my knife into her flesh, take my retribution, but my body refused.
“If you were easy to kill, I would have done it already. Leave before I change my mind,” I hissed as I pulled back my knife and let the she-wolf slink off into the undergrowth unscathed.
Once she was a safe distance away, I saw her look back at me, head cocked to the side for a moment before disappearing.
As soon as I was safe, the adrenaline wore off.
Waves of pain from my wounds came in full force. My body was wracked with pain, begging for me to give up and go home. I checked my bloodied side; no life threatening injuries, at least if I managed to keep infection out. I gritted my teeth and bore my suffering, knowing it was imperative I didn’t leave empty handed if I wanted to survive. I turned to the grim work of butchering and dressing the buck, then used what precious little resolve I had left to limp back home with my quarry.
There would be no more hunting until my wounds healed.
The days seemed to slip into one another as I was forced into a state of indolence that was anything but restful. Daylight hours were boring with little else to do than drift in and out of sleep. Nighttimes were even worse, the hours filled with mysterious sounds as if the skeletal beast was haunting me just outside my cabin’s door– scratching at it.
As if that weren’t bad enough, whenever I closed my eyes, I was plagued with the image of the foul wolf as if it lived just behind my eyes. Memories of our struggle played over and over, making me feel sick with contempt at how I’d let myself be caught off guard, even more so for my moment of weakness which let it live.
As each day passed, my obsession with the beast grew.
Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, the soreness began to subside. That meant it was time to go back into the woods to empty and reset the traps I was forced to abandon. Perhaps I would even try to do some light hunting again.
I dressed myself, sheathed my dagger, and opened the cabin door.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I experienced. I was instantly enveloped by the unmistakable stench of old blood and death. Glancing around, there were a number of animal carcasses, some partially eaten, strewn about my porch– my door covered in fresh claw marks.
The nighty scratching had been real.
Just beyond the carnage at the far edge of my porch lay the she-wolf. She was curled up and sleeping, still just as gaunt as I remembered. Why hadn’t she been feeding herself with all the animals she’d brought? What was she doing here anyhow, standing guard? Her behavior made no sense for one of her kind.
Perhaps I was not the only one obsessed.
The beast must have heard the door open. She slowly raised her head and looked my way with soft eyes and a low huff when she saw me standing in my doorway.
I groaned to myself at my lack of options. I did not want to get into another fight with the creature in my weakened state. I also doubted if I could secure my door fast enough to keep her out should I duck back inside. She was too close. Perhaps she will leave if I yell at her.
“Go away before I finish what I started with you!” I growled, placing a hand upon my dagger’s hilt.
The wolf stood up cautiously and approached me, head bowed.
Tsk’va. This is how it ends.
“Leave me alone!” I pleaded. “Go!”
She ignored me and pressed her head into my free palm instead.
I froze, unsure what to do. I considered drawing my dagger in hopes of a lucky strike, but again something persuaded me not to.
Despite her condition, her fur was remarkably thick and silky. As I ran my fingers through it, she whimpered softly and leaned into my leg. I could feel her bones, she was so thin. What a shame, this state you are in. You must have been a magnificent beast once.
“Why have you not eaten what you have caught?” I wondered aloud.
She nosed my hand and licked my fingers. Such a gentle gesture. It was hard to believe this was the same animal who’d tried to eat me mere days ago.
I pulled my hand back, “No. Enough of this. I need to get on with my day.”
She meandered away from me back to the edge of my porch and looked back expectantly, like she was waiting for me.
“I have traps to reset and you are wasting my time,” I grumbled.
The wolf picked a dead rabbit up in her maw and shook it violently like some macabre pantomime of her hunting prowess, her eyes locked on me the whole time. Her tail wagged furiously.
“I do not care that you killed it. You are not coming with me,” I said with a frown.
I had hunted for years without allowing anyone or anything else help me and I had no plans to change that.
She stopped immediately and threw the rabbit at my feet with a disgusted snort.
“I said no.”
She growled at me and raised her hackles.
“Chk!”
She lowered her head and growled even louder. She made it clear she was not taking ‘no’ for an answer.
“Fine. You may join me if you insist, but only for today. We are wasting daylight.”
Once I gave in, the wolf relaxed completely. She was like my shadow the rest of the day, rarely leaving my side as I tended to my traps. The only time she did leave me alone, she came back moments later prancing proudly with a plump duck in her maw big enough to feed the both of us for supper. She even alerted me to a bear well before I was able to see it on the way back home.
If she had been an istik, I’d be convinced she was trying to make up for wronging me.
When we returned to my cabin in the early evening, she sat by my door and wagged her tail slowly, waiting patiently for me to open it.
“If you wish to stay, your place is on the porch. We had a good day but you cannot stay with me. It is best that I live alone.”
She made a scoff-like noise and looked up at me with narrowed eyes. She wasn’t budging.
“Do not look at me like that, kainyank!” I protested. “Why should I trust you? You tried to kill me, remember?”
Her eyes became wide and sad and she began to whine.
I let out a dramatic sigh of frustration as I wrestled with myself. On one hand, she’d been a loyal companion all day with no hints of turning on me. On the other hand, she was the reason why I had gotten injured in the first place.
“One night and you sleep on the floor. Tomorrow you will leave,” I snarled as I opened the door and she padded in with me. “I will not hesitate to end you if you try anything.”
I slept with my dagger that night, but didn’t need it.
One night became two, then a tenday, then almost four months. The whole while the she-wolf remained on her best behavior. During that time, I noticed that I found myself smiling more. If anyone had asked why, I would’ve claimed it was because I was healthy and strong again, but that wasn’t the only reason. It was also due to my unlikely new pet.
We worked exceptionally well as a team, able to hunt enough game for us both to eat well. Her presence on my hunting trips also made them shorter, allowing more time for us to enjoy our growing bond. It amazed me how nice it was to have something I could be myself with. On my best days, we played, wrestled, and snuggled. On my worst days, I told her about horrible things from my past and cried into her fur when the ghosts became too much to bear.
She was proving herself to be the best girl, an incredibly empathetic and affectionate beast who was always there when I needed her, comforting me with gentle nuzzles and reassuring touch.
I noticed that my wolf seemed happy. She’d put on a healthy amount of weight while living with me, making it hard to see her ribs anymore. She was also remarkably easy to house train, only running off inexplicably in the evening a handful of times when I let her out. Each time she did, she showed up on my porch the next morning.
I couldn’t help but smile to myself one evening as we sat by the fire, me sitting on the couch in my nightclothes and her curled up at my feet as she often did. It was still almost beyond belief that the same skeletal wolf who’d tried to rip me limb from limb ended up becoming the healthy, gentle, purring beast before me and the closest friend I’d ever had.
I realized as I watched her sleep that for the first time in my life, I was happy– truly happy. I wondered if she felt the same way.
I had a comforting thought then. Perhaps the same outside force that stayed my hand twice had seen us; sent us to save each other.
I jolted awake without remembering falling asleep. The fire no longer blazed, leaving the room dim.
Someone’s fingers were caressing my cheek. I grabbed the hand and jerked it away out of reflex. Opening my eyes, I blinked in disbelief when I saw the hand belonged to a pale-skinned half-elf with long white hair and emerald eyes standing over me. Seeing she was unarmed and unclothed, I decided she posed little threat to me and let go.
“Who are you and what are you doing in my house?” I demanded.
“Shhhadooowhearrt,” she sounded out slowly as if she was making sure her mouth worked.
I looked around quickly for my wolf, wondering why she hadn’t protected me but she was nowhere to be found.
“What did you do with my wolf? If you hurt her, I swear to the gods I’ll–” I growled, teeth bared.
“Wolf,” she tapped her chest and bit her lip anxiously.
“Impossible,” I glared. “Prove it.”
Shadowheart leaned forward and purred in my ear, “If you were easy to kill I would have done it already.”
Her voice was so silky it made my hair stand on end. With her being so close, I could plainly see in the dim light that she wore the same scar across her cheek as my wolf did.
“ Tsk’va ,” I replied in disbelief, more breathily than I would have liked.
My body went rigid when she straddled my lap facing me– her arms wrapped around my neck as she nuzzled it fondly. I knew the greeting well. It was like the istik form of my wolf’s favorite– paws over my shoulders as she rubbed her muzzle on my neck.
It is you. I struggled to process what was happening.
“No– This is not real. I must be dreaming or have gone mad,” I reasoned aloud.
Shadowheart pulled her head back and searched my eyes with her own.
“Why would you say something like that? That I’m not real?” she asked.
She raised her hand to touch my face again, this time her fingers exploring the scars I bore and the markings around my eyes. Her touch was so warm, so tender, so innocent. There was no way this could be real. I couldn't remember the last time anyone genuinely wanted to be close to me, let alone touch me like she was.
I heard a quiet groan that sounded like it came from someone else escaping my lips.
“What do you want from me, phantom?” I swallowed thickly.
Shadowheart sighed, “I swear I’m real, Lae’zel. I’ve wanted to tell you that you deserve to be cared about, especially after all the terrible wrongs you’ve had to endure– to survive. You deserve to be lov–”
I could see her lips moving, but her voice faded to a hum as the world suddenly spun. I wanted to vomit when I remembered every last secret I’d told my wolf– Shadowheart– all at once. I’d told her so many things I never should have because I thought she was just an animal. Things I swore I would never speak about– the ‘training,’ the battles, the deceit that led to my dishonorable discharge, the blood on my hands– so much blood. I could feel my body shiver as my mind spiraled and my ghosts began to taunt me.
“Hey, hey! Lae’zel, it’s ok. Everything’s ok. I’m here. Look at me,” Shadowheart said.
I don’t know how much time had passed, but her hands were on either side of my face, her nose almost touching mine by the time the world finally came back into focus.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Are you alright?” she asked with a worried look.
I didn’t say anything but the tears I was trying to blink from my eyes likely spoke volumes. Why would anyone who knew so much about the darkest parts of me stay by my side? She should’ve ran far, far away by now. I surely would have.
“So my pet is a werewolf…?” I asked after a moment, changing the subject.
She nodded.
“Why did you come to me and why have you stayed?” I sniffled.
“I was in a very dark place the first time we met. I was hoping to scare you to the point that you’d be the one to set me free. After all, It’s pretty well known that you giths love your silver weapons. You did set me free, by the way, just not in the way I’d expected. I never expected you’d deem my life worth sparing.
“I figured the least I could do was to make sure you survived in return. When you were hurt I guarded your house and tried to bring you food even though you were too stubborn to open the door. It was a good thing I was there to help you on your first hunt too. I know you thought you were, but you weren’t healthy enough to be on your own, so I kept an eye on you. I’d hate to think what would’ve happened if I hadn’t been there and you crossed paths with that bear,” she shuddered.
“Then, once you were better, I stayed because somewhere along the way, I decided I enjoyed your company, Lae’zel. You don’t seem to think so, but deep down you have a good heart. I see it every day we’re together,” she smiled gently.
I chewed the inside of my cheek as I processed the heavy weight of her words.
“It also probably helped that I think you’re very pretty,” she whispered bashfully.
“I am not sure what to say,” I replied.
“You don’t have to say anything,” she smiled and ran her fingers through my hair.
What she was doing felt nice, but all I could manage was an awkward stare while my emotions jumbled themselves in a giant knot. I wanted to say something– anything but it was as if my lips were paralyzed. Pathetic.
“Tell me, Lae’zel, what would you do to someone who hurt your wolf?” she said in a low voice.
Something dark showed in her eyes when she emphasized herself as ‘my wolf’ to me. Heat surged up the back of my neck and my stomach tightened in response.
“I would have made them suffer many times over,” I whispered as my gaze fell to her lips. They were quivering.
I wondered how her lips would feel on mine. They looked so delicate and perfect. Gods help me maintain control of myself.
Shadowheart grinned and bit her lip coyly, “Good. I wouldn’t hesitate to do the same if anyone tried to harm my gith.”
I opened my mouth to protest her calling me ‘her gith’ only for her to press her lips to mine. I let out an involuntary sigh. They were so plump, even softer than I’d imagined.
Her technique, on the other hand, left much to be desired. It was somehow fevered and languid at the same time. Have you never kissed anyone before?
I planted my hand squarely on her chest and pushed until the kiss was broken.
“What are you doing?” I frowned.
I could see the sadness and panic rise in her face at my rejection and I instantly hated myself for it.
Shadowheart dropped her gaze and refused to look at me.
“I– I’m sorry. I thought– the way we’ve held each other– you saying you’d always be there for me– the time we’ve spent together– I can’t recall ever trusting anyone else like I trust you,” she stammered. “I clearly misunderstood– this was a mistake. I– I should leave. Shit.”
She started to stand but I stopped her.
“No, I want you to stay. It is just– you have me at a great disadvantage.”
She relaxed slightly, “What do you mean?”
“You know everything about me, yet I know nothing of you. You say I am ‘your gith’ but how can I agree to that? I only know you as the wolf?”
I could understand her point of view. My excuse for rejecting her wasn’t the best, but it was the only one I could come up with at the moment with any hope of not upsetting her further.
Shadowheart’s brow wrinkled in thought for a moment, “Oh. I– I guess you’re right, but I’m not sure that there’s much to tell about myself. Living as a wolf wasn't all that exciting and quite lonely before I met you. I tried finding a pack once but that didn’t go so well,” she said, pointing at the scar on her cheek for emphasis. “Probably for the best, I don’t think they’d like me too much during the full moon,” she reasoned.
“It would appear that their loss is my gain,” I grinned slightly, trying to put her at ease once more.
Her cheeks turned rosy and she hid her face shyly.
“What?” I asked in confusion.
“Sorry, all of this is new for me. I always hide when the moon is full, but I didn’t want to anymore. I wanted you to see me like this– be with you like this. I think making you make up with me may be the best decision I’ve ever made.”
“Chk. You did not ‘make me.’ I allowed you to,” I let out a quiet chuckle and felt myself relax.
“Whatever. Either way, best decision.”
“So, those evenings when you ran off–?”
“I was due to transform, but like I said, I don’t want to hide anymore, not from you.”
“No more hiding then. Then stay here where it is safe,” I said as I wrapped my arms around her protectively.
She sighed and tucked her head up under my chin and we held each other in comfortable silence.
As the fire faded to little more than embers, so did my apprehension towards this new circumstance I found myself in. Even though she was istik, she did not treat me the way the others did. She accepted me for who I was.
“I guess there are some other things I really should tell you, but I’m not sure how right now,” she mumbled.
“Another time then,” I replied.
I ran my fingers through her hair and it felt just like the fur I’d stroked countless times.
“I look forward to getting to know all of you no matter how long it takes, Shadowheart.”
She looked up at me with a half smile, “Thank you for understanding, Lae’zel.”
“Of course.”
“It’s getting incredibly late,” she sighed. “I guess I should let you get back to sleep.”
“I can stay up longer,” I protested as a yawn escaped my lips.
Shadowheart stood up and held out her hand. I took it and stood with her.
“Where will you sleep?” I asked.
She just blinked at me, “Where I always do?”
I shook my head, “Come. The floor by my bed will be much too cold without fur.”
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise.
I crossed the small living area and was about to climb into bed when she stopped me.
“Are you wearing clothes to bed tonight?” she asked innocently.
“Chk,” I huffed.
Shadowheart had an annoying point. I had only kept them on because she was in istik form, clearly not thinking about how many times she’d already seen me unclothed.
“I’ll be good, I swear,” she added.
I sighed and removed the clothes from my body and left them in a neat pile by the bed just like I did every night.
“Better?” I asked gruffly.
She nodded her approval and smiled.
I rolled my eyes and climbed beneath my covers. I had just started to close my eyes when the feeling of Shadowheart’s arm around my midsection and the softness of her breasts against my back caused them to fly open again.
“What in the nine hells are you doing?” I growled.
“Keeping you warm while you sleep,” she replied, matter of factly.
“That is what the blanket is for,” I grumbled.
“If you really hate what I’m doing so much, say the word and I’ll roll over. I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of it anyways. It’s not like you don’t enjoy it when we lay like this while I’m a wolf.”
I lay there in silence, brooding at how easily she called my bluff.
“That’s what I thought,” she teased just above a whisper.
Something about her warmth mixing with mine and everything about her presence lulled me into the deepest sleep I’d had in years.
When I finally woke up the next morning, the day had long broken and I was alone in bed. I quickly rubbed the sleep from my eyes and drug myself to its edge. My wolf was curled up on the floor in her usual spot, paw draped over her eyes as she always did.
Was last night just a dream or had it really happened? One way to find out.
“Shadowheart? Is that your name?” I rasped, voice still rough with sleep.
My wolf sprung up in an instant and buried her nose in my neck with such fervor that she bowled me over onto my back.
“Tsk’va! So it is. Good morning to you too,” I said groggily as I scratched her neck and behind her ear.
Another month passed and we carried on with our days like we’d done so many times before, hunting, trapping, and preparing pelts for sale in town. I wish I could say things were the same, but everything was different. I went through all the usual motions, but my mind was often miles away. My eyes were finally opened. Shadowheart didn’t just treat me well and stay because I fed her, she did because she wanted to and she liked me for who I was.
You deserve to be cared about…You deserve to be lov– What was she about to say when I’d retreated so far within my own head? Her words played over and over in my mind. So did my pushing her away when she tried to kiss me.
I still felt guilty about that.
I said I’d needed to know her better, but that wasn’t true. I knew her, didn’t I? She’d already been the one by my side through thick and thin. On the best days, we’d wrestled for what felt like hours until we were both so exhausted we fell asleep together on the cabin floor. On the worst, she’d listened to all the stories of terrible things I’d done and had done to me; paw draped over me as I’d sobbed into her fur.
Never once had she judged me.
As the days passed by, I anxiously waited for the next full moon so I could try to redeem myself. When the date finally arrived, I delayed our dinner until after moonrise.
A heavy weight hit the floor behind me while I was tending to the hearth.
Turning my head, I watched helplessly as Shadowheart writhed and whimpered on the floor. It was frightening to see her fur recede while her bones reshaped and rearranged themselves under her skin. She was left shivering on the floor when it was all over. The only saving grace of it all was that it was over quickly.
I sprang up from where I was without a second thought and grabbed my cloak from its peg. Kneeling beside her, I draped it across Shadowheart’s shoulders and wrapped it around her.
“What’s all this for?” she asked quietly.
“You were shivering. I thought–”
I lost the ability to speak when her eyes met mine. Her gaze was so soft and tender that it filled my entire body with a warmth I couldn’t explain. I watched as her lips parted slightly as though she was going to say something, only for her to bow her head and touch her forehead to mine.
“Thank you, Lae’zel.”
“Are you alright? Does it hurt when you change?” I asked in a low voice.
“Yes, terribly but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“Is there nothing that could be done to ease it?” I asked as I took her hands and helped her to her feet.
“Knowing you were here with me when it happened did wonders,” she smiled as she tucked a loose piece of my hair behind my ear.
I felt my gaze fall once again to her perfect lips as an unknown force brought my face closer to hers.
I turned away at the last moment and cleared my throat awkwardly, gritting my teeth and silently cursing myself while heat rose in my cheeks. That was your chance to do better and you blew it, k’chakhi!
“Take a seat. Our meal is almost ready,” I barked more brusquely than I’d intended once my back was to her.
I didn’t want her to see me blush and felt contempt at my own obstinance at the same time.
Why was I acting this way?
It had become easy for me to be vulnerable with her when she was a wolf, but not as an istik. She was the same being, only in a different form.
Stupid, stupid githyanki!
“Is everything ok?” she asked in confusion.
“Yes, everything is fine. I just did not want to serve you cold food,” I lied. The blush in my cheeks ebbed away as I focused on plating the roast pheasant, a modest assortment of pickled vegetables, and a hunk of bread.
“I can’t wait. It smells delicious. You’ve really been spoiling me all this time we’ve lived together,” she said from behind me.
“I simply noticed you ate better when I did not offer you raw meat,” I countered defensively. That is not what I meant. Why do I continue to say the wrong thing?
I concentrated on keeping a neutral expression and averted my eyes from what I could see of her naked form beneath the cloak as I placed her plate in front of her then sat down across from her to eat at my tiny table.
After I took my first bite, I looked back up and noticed her staring at me past the candle on the table, her eyes sparkling with mirth.
“What?” I asked as I chewed.
“I didn’t take you for a romantic is all. This is a date, isn’t it?”
I had just thought it would be enjoyable to have someone to talk to, a little companionship while I ate.
“No, eat your food,” I scoffed while I tried to convince myself we were just two very close friends having dinner together.
“I think I understand now. No kissing before our first date. Very old fashioned and chivalrous of you. I respect that,” she winked and stuffed some meat into her mouth, clearly ignoring what I just said.
I grumbled to myself. Githyanki do not ‘date’ k’chakhi.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about us since the last time we talked,” she began. “If this is going to work, I don’t want there to be any secrets. They can rip two people apart, you know?” she asked seriously.
I just blinked at her and stuffed more food in my mouth, wondering where this was going.
“I’m sure you have questions about why I am the way I am. The short answer is ‘it’s complicated’ but I think I’m up to telling you the grisly details if you want to know.”
I nodded.
She took a deep breath as if to steel herself, “Hmm, I guess I’ll start at the beginning. I was born with ‘Selûne's Kiss,’ lycanthropy, whatever you want to call it. Despite what you may have heard, it’s not something that’s passed by a bite or anything like that. My ‘blessing’ made itself known when I became a woman and was a major reason why I became a cleric of Selûne. I healed any and all who needed it in the name of my Lady and I was good at it. Ironically, it was also what brought the bastard that did this to me into my life.
“Tav was his name. He was a white dragonborn; incredibly dashing, charismatic, and come to find out evil as shit. Anyways, he came in one day in severe need of healing. Once I’d patched him up, he asked if we could remain friends. I didn’t see the harm in it so I agreed. Over time, since we were ‘friends’ I told him things I hesitated to tell anyone else outside the sisterhood including about my wolf.
“Well, one day for reasons I still don’t understand, that asshole got down on one knee and professed his love for me in front of everyone in the cloister. EVERYONE. Begged me to come away with him. I was mortified. He– well– let’s just say he wasn’t my type, so I politely refused. I thought that was the end of it when he stormed out, but it was just the beginning.
“He came for me later that night. Kidnapped me from my bed and took me out into the woods to perform some sort of horrible ritual on me. He swore that if he couldn’t have me then he’d make damn sure no one else would want a bitch like me. He also insisted I’d die alone having never been loved. I still don’t know what kind of curse it was, but it ripped away my ability to control my transformations and forced me to live most of my time as the wolf.”
My heart ached as I watched tears well in her eyes.
“As if that wasn’t enough, that fucker caged me and sold me to some Sharrans, Lae’zel. They used me as an example of how Selûne abandons her children to recruit lost souls to their cult,” she growled. “Can you fucking believe it?!”
I reached out and took her hands in mine. They were trembling.
“I still don’t understand why the purple haired tiefling girl tasked to tend to me ended up helping me escape,” Shadowheart gazed off into the distance.
Tears began to stream down her face.
“Shadowheart?”
She turned her tired eyes to me.
“They cannot hurt you anymore. Not Tav, not the Sharrans. My sword is yours. You have my word.”
She pulled her hands from mine and sobbed into them.
My stomach sank when my words meant for comfort upset her instead.
I stood and went to her. As soon as I was close enough, she got up, threw her arms around my neck, and cried into my shoulder.
My cloak fell from her body onto the floor.
At that moment all I could think about was how much I wanted to take away all her pain and make sure no one could ever hurt her ever again.
“Shhh, I am here,” I rested my cheek on her head and rubbed her back. “You are safe now.”
She held me tight and refused to let go.
“I have been thinking the past month too. I have grown quite fond of having you around. You are welcome to stay with me for as long as you would like,” I said quietly.
Something about admitting my feelings for Shadowheart out loud lifted a heavy burden I didn’t realize I carried.
She sniffled and looked up at me hopefully, “Really? You mean it?”
I nodded.
She gave me a gentle smile, an invitation in her eyes.
She cares about me.
I leaned in and closed my eyes as I kissed her. Her lips were just as soft as I remembered; salty from her tears. Shadowheart’s lips followed mine as she let me lead this time, her fingers snaking behind my neck and into my hair to hold me close.
I care about her.
All the tension I had been carrying melted away as I finally gave myself permission to be myself with her. I nibbled at her lips and slipped my tongue into her mouth. As we kissed, I explored the softness of her body, lightly dragging my nails over her back, tracing my fingertips over her waist, then down to grab a handful of her ass.
I smiled to myself when she let out a little sigh.
Shadowheart gave me a smug smile when our lips parted, “Does this mean you’re admitting you’re my gith now?”
“You may find I am too much for you to handle,” I purred. “You are sure it is what you want– for me to be your gith?”
“Gods, yes! Being your friend isn’t enough anymore.”
I kissed along her jawline and nipped at her neck which made her squirm.
“I want to taste you,” I whispered into her flesh.
Shadowheart dug her nails into my scalp, “Tease. If that’s so, why are you still in all your clothes?”
“It is easy to fix,” I mumbled.
Shadowheart lifted my chin, caressed my cheek, then pushed me away, “Then fix it and don’t make me wait too long.”
The way she pushed me away only made me want her more.
She walked over to my bed, laid down, and watched me undress. Her eyes were darkened with lust.
As soon as I’d tossed the last of my clothes aside I climbed into her waiting arms and crashed my lips into hers.
“Be patient with me tonight?” Shadowheart asked breathlessly at the end of my kiss.
She traced a finger down my lips as she looked at me pleadingly.
“Patient?” I gave her a puzzled look.
“Like I told you before, this is all new to me. I’ve never let myself be this close to anyone before.”
“I am your first?” I asked curiously.
She nodded shyly.
“You honor me. Yes, I will be patient, my wolf,” I said.
There never was and never will be anything more beautiful in all of Faerûn than when she came undone at my touch the first time later that night. It felt as if my heart would burst with happiness as I helped her ride out her high, holding her close as she came down.
After some time, her breaths slowed and she slowly opened her eyes, “Gods– that was amazing– you’re amazing.”
“Zhak vo’n’fynh duj, source of my joy,” I smiled and kissed her forehead.
She wrapped an arm around me and squeezed, “I love you too.”
My ears perked up when she said the word ‘love.’ Is that what we had? All these years I thought it didn’t exist.
I raised a brow as Shadowheart rose to her knees and straddled me.
“Now it’s my turn,” she said triumphantly.
We spent the rest of the night wrapped up in each other, exploring each other’s bodies, discovering what brought us the most pleasure. By the time we were done, it was the small hours of the morning, with precious little time before Shadowheart would be forced back into being a wolf.
It took some coaxing, I finally got her to agree to let me hold her while we rested, just like she’d done for me. She’d only relented when I promised that if we fell asleep, we would wake when it was time and face her transformation together.
I felt a pang of sadness at the thought of having to wait so long before we’d be able to indulge in our carnal desire for one another as I closed my eyes but if that was how it had to be, then so be it. She was worth it.
I groaned and squinted when I woke to the bright light shining through the window the next morning. I knew it wasn’t early but it felt too early all the same.
Gods above what a long, glorious night it had been.
I rolled over and couldn’t believe my eyes. Shadowheart was lying there facing me, deep asleep with her hand draped over her eyes.
I rubbed my eyes and blinked a few times to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating, then reached out and shook her gently.
“Shadowheart! Wake up.”
“Too early,” she grumbled.
A split second later her eyes flew open and looked at me in confusion at hearing herself speak.
“You didn’t transform,” I smiled.
Shadowheart looked at her hands and her body in disbelief, “But– how? I’m supposed to be covered in fur right now. That’s how it works. That’s how it’s worked for years .”
“Perhaps the curse wore off?” I pulled her close and kissed her cheek.
Her brow furrowed, deep in thought. Then her eyes widened, “Of course.”
“Of course, what?” I asked.
“This whole time I thought the curse had been for me to live my life as a wolf but it wasn’t. It was for me to be alone and unloved. I’m neither of those anymore,” happy tears welled in the corners of her eyes.
I kissed away her tears, “No, you are not. I am relieved that everything is back to how it should be. You never deserved to have to live that way.”
“Me too,” she sighed in relief. “Do you think I could still come hunting with you and wrestle you as a wolf sometimes? It was fun.”
“Of course.”
We both grinned and snuggled into each other.
“Oh hey, Lae’zel? There’s one more thing I need to tell you– something I really, really should’ve told you before last night.”
My chest tightened with dread, but I remained outwardly calm, “What is that?”
Shadowheart took one of my hands in hers and started playing with my fingers anxiously, “You know how um, I told you you were my first?”
“Yes?”
“Well, there’s a good reason. Wolves mate for life so that means you’re stuck with me now.”
I blinked at her, “Werewolves too?”
“Surprise?” she replied with a nervous grin.
“That may prove to be a problem,” I said seriously, making sure to keep my expression as neutral as possible as I rolled over on my back and pulled her on top of me.
She swallowed thickly, “That wasn’t the reaction I hoped to hear after you said I could stay, but, ok–”
“It means that you are stuck with me too,” I interrupted with a smirk.
Shadowheart smacked me in the arm, “Gods, Lae’zel, that’s not funny! Don’t scare me like that. Shit!”
“You love me. I know because you said it last night oh so many times,” I taunted.
“Did I?” she giggled. “I may have to reconsider my feelings if you keep this up.”